Why Lawyers and BigTech Don't Mix

I'm sure we're all familiar with Facebook and Twitter engaging in leftist cheerleading and censorship of opposing views under the guise of "anti-harassment and bullying policies". Yet these are supposed to be platforms for ADULTS, right? Aren't children directly banned from them? And you're looking for civility on the INTERNET?!?!?! Like, what world did these people drop in from?

I actually got out of Facebook jail and for some reason, pedandic crybabies haven't tried getting me banned again but I haven't really done Twitter so much since it's not my medium. I'm a woman of words, not of cutesy brainlessness.

So I noticed LinkedIn, the vanilla version of everyone, started getting more political. Not sure why LinkedIn decided it wanted to be a Facebook clone by allowing photos, videos and other unrelated work stuff including political pages. The problem, however, is it decided to become China in regulations and endorse leftists. For simply making comments and pointing out lack of credibility in certain expressed opinions from users who either were fake, didn't even get a vote on the topic (think foreigners discussing American elections) or people who engaged in blatant hypocrisy, "Ross" claimed that apparently LinkedIn decided to ban me with zero warning, notice or specifics on exactly what words were considered "wrong" to them. LinkedIn is even more so supposed to be a platform for ADULTS and for that matter PROFESSIONALS. Presumably, professionals have actual jobs or businesses and aren't cheering on rioters, corruption and the like.

I thought about this e-mail I got from Ross after doing an appeal (I made it a policy to appeal anytime they tried censoring some comment I wrote though they never sent you a copy of the comment or spelled out WHY they were censoring your statements) & decided that LinkedIn is not essential to my life. I made some good contacts in my pandemic vacation and kept information from those people since they contacted me directly. I'll be informing more of them about the situation soon enough. I also know of other platforms that haven't been corrupted and signed up on those. I also thought to myself "I'll just do more blogging and podcast episodes so I can speak freely." I could even try that on my own website since it's got a blog feature as well. I know of others who've created accounts elsewhere, decided to say "fuck BigTech", that sort of thing. It's also been said that the more known you are, the less reachable you need to be. There are lots of celebrities who either got off social media or didn't opt to be on there in the first place. If it's good enough for them and many others who've decided not to stand for the Chinese law these platforms want to follow, why shouldn't I do the same?

For the numbskulls out there, lawyers are NOT supposed to be onboard with societal BS. It's the job of lawyers to point out oppression, rights being ignored, speak for the voiceless & call out the corruption where it exists regardless of what popular opinion dicates is good or bad. Lawyers are not supposed to be a wing of the censorship police or sit back while the brown shirts oppress others. If you follow history and the rise of communism, then you know that the lawyers were killed just as the intellectuals were since commies HATE independent thinkers. Law is all about critical thinking, especially law school. Oh, and we actually know what the laws say, what the Constitution means and so forth. Leftists in the legal profession are as ironic as rich people supporting communism. Stupid is probably also an accurate term since both will be targeted and offed in those same movements. It's like the ringleaders never read "Animal Farm" or actually studied the rise of communism. I've done both, even reading "Animal Farm" on my own while doing a document review assignment. The parallel to communism is obvious to anyone with basic reading comprehension. My liberal arts college required us to take a class called "Human Nature & the Social Order" where we defintely weren't taught about communism being a great thing. What I got from any class on the subject was "communism is a nice idea on paper but fails in the real world since you're never going to change human nature." Any real lawyer doesn't let anybody bully them into silence and trying to bully me is straight up laughable. I've survied things that most of these brats would have been destroyed by. I seriously wonder why any of these overgrown toddlers are getting media coverage and why these platforms should get to maintain Section 230 protection when they want to be editors instead of publishers. Many class actions are on the rise so the results will be quite interesting. I hope they get slammed as they deserve to be.

Now I'm just waiting to see how the election and so forth plays out. Made plans to see my sweetie for a couple weeks to determine if we've got a future together, hanging out with family, not trying to get overweight though apparently I "look healthier" now and am actually within a normal weight for my height. It took 6 years & a pandemic to get back to my pre-divorce weight. Also looking at the bright sides though my family never did big family holiday gatherings (my sister is probably thrilled about not having to deal with in-laws she's not keen on). I have a great Halloween costume that's even COVID friendly along with fun mask ideas if I ever have to design my own. I also am hoping I get my absentee ballot in time after thinking I wouldn't get to vote at all; as of today it STILL says "reviewing application" with a date of a few days ago. I asked them to send it straight to where I'm staying now and I have to get it postmarked by November 3rd. Hoping that goes off without a hitch but who knows. Otherwise, just more day to day stuff and hoping my income actually matches my training and background sooner rather than later. Now I'll have to do some quality niece time. Who wouldn't want to spend time with her? She's a little cutie.

And The Stalkers Are Popping Out

The last time I was single, I had a few problems with guys refusing to leave me alone. I didn't want to tell them where I was or what I was doing for fear they were going to show up & bother me. To get rid of the 2 ex-boyfriend turned stalkers I had (one even went to my parents' house on Thanksgiving & left this wrought note about how his life was nothing without me, among other things), I had to tell one I had a boyfriend and the other that I was attending law school in a different state from where I was actually going.

For those of you who haven't had them, let's define what a stalker is. A stalker is someone who refuses to leave you alone. Someone who can't go live their own life & allow you to live yours. Oh, no! That would be too much for them.

Let someone go about their merry way & NOT bother them? God forbid!

I consider stalking as banal as saying "hi" to me at an event when I don't want to talk to you & have made that abundantly clear. When I cut you out, you are to be dead to me. I don't want to know you are still roaming this planet or NYC or wherever I happen to be.

One of my biggest pet peeves is someone still trying to talk to me when I have A) blocked them on social media, B) blocked their phone number, C) blocked their e-mail, D) said "I do not want to talk to you anymore," E) got my personal property out of their place or F) did anything that would make a rational, sane person say "You know something? She doesn't want anything to do with me. Maybe I should leave her alone."

Another huge pet peeve of mine is guys getting way too damn clingy & saying things that they have no grounds for. Case in point: I go to a networking event weeks back. Being where I am in life right now, I'm not as prompt in follow ups as I'd usually be. I go to networking events with the express purpose of networking & making business contacts. This is the same reason I use LinkedIn.

I DO NOT go to these events or use LinkedIn to have guys hit on me, call me "babe" (outside of a general entertainment industry context where they just call every female or everyone that) or declare their love. In the past week, I have had a total of 5 guys harass me or declare feelings they've got no business having.

1. A former friend/person I had an involvement with who has long since been blocked, told "I'm not interested," that kind of thing approaches me at an event. It startled me & frankly I didn't want to deal with it so I dashed off.

On my way to find someone more desirable to talk to (usually a cute guy by himself), I get a text message from another guy I had no interest in. This one revealed himself to be a Jesus freak & the thing that made me not want to speak to him further was his little sermon on the evils of pre-marital sex. The genie is out of that bottle, dude!

2. The Jesus freak says "hi," despite the last conversation where I said he should find someone more suited to him & his beliefs than me since he was not going to "save" me and I knew way too much about the Christian faith to be swayed by any attempt to make me into the frump they'd all love.

3. I go to a fashion show & meet a guy from Italy who says he'd like to learn American English. He instantly asks me if I'd want a serious relationship alongside telling me I'm "beautiful" and how great my eyes are. Had a friend with me I was trying to help forge business contacts & he was going to contact this guy.

The next day this guy is sending me text to e-mail messages & veers away from polite, normal topics into "I need your love. I need you."

Uh, no you do NOT "need" me!!!!! You had a 5 minute conversation with me after a fashion show & I left since my ride for the evening had to go. No way did you get to know me well enough to assess whether you "need" me or not.

If you get emotionally attached to someone that quickly, there is no hope for you in this life. There is definitely no hope for me if that's how all guys are going to react to me.

4. I get a connection request from LinkedIn from this guy who is a diver & has a mutual contact. Generally, I'm liberal on who I accept connection requests from on there since you never know who might be a useful or beneficial contact. If it's not someone trying to have a million contacts they never speak to, I'll generally approve. After all, you're getting the vanilla version of me on there so it's not like someone's going to be overcome by the vapors by having me as a connection. A Facebook friend, perhaps but NOT a LinkedIn connection.

Recently, I had to add my picture to my LinkedIn page. This is because I got a sponsored ad from Avvo offering very good terms & used my headshot pic that is on my company's website as well as my IMDB profile. I figured it wouldn't hurt to maintain some consistency.

I'm still very resistant to having a profile pic on there & I suppose this most recent experience illustrates why.

No sooner than I approve this request, I get a message asking me if I'd consider "a serious relationship." He talks about true love flourishing, calls me "babe" & tells me to respond to his personal e-mail address if I am interested.

I wrote a response a few days later since at first I'm thinking "Was I just propositioned on here?" Who calls a woman he's not married to or dating "babe" in a LinkedIn message? I'm also thinking to myself "Is this guy offering to be my sugar daddy or something?" I've gotten quite a few in-person offers for that stuff that I may have mentioned before. How, I don't know. I did nothing particularly special, just be myself & show up. Maybe it's part of 2.0 stuff & the new order.

5. Yesterday, while I'm going about my business & dealing with tasks at hand I get an e-mail from a guy I met at a networking event ages back. He sends me a pic of a rose & says "i remember you very week...i think of you every days, please reply to me."

Then he signs off with "Kisses"

I want to know: what the holy fuck?!?!?!?

First off, I might be pretty & I might be a great conversationalist with a sense of humor but I'm not so sure it warrants that type of reaction. Men falling in love with me in 5 minutes by just having a conversation with me & not even seeing me naked? I'm highly skeptical of that claim.

I at least had sex with some of these stalkers & maybe a reaction like that afterwards is understandable. Not to brag or anything but natural redheads have some skills & I'm not exactly a slouch in that department. I could very well have spoiled a few men in my time. More than one has told me I was "the best [he] ever had."

Some of them shouldn't forget it since it seems lots of women are either super freaks or stone cold frigid. There's very little middle ground or "lady on the street, freak in the sheets" types.

I also realize there are some sexually deprived men. That's a situation I feel some sympathy towards depending on how long that's been happening. It's not always the ugly or average guys, either.

Second, I don't believe in love at first sight. In fact, I don't believe in love at all. I feel it's a term guys use when they really mean they are in lust with you. Apparently falling in lust with me is so easy, I don't even have to try to get that reaction. They seem to take one look at me, have a short conversation & BOOM! One more man enamored with me for some reason; this is why I have a Facebook fan page.

Third, I hate clingy guys just as much as your typical guy hates clingy girls. My first boyfriend Psycho Boy was such a clinger, I'd have suffocated if I'd stayed in that relationship. I felt like I was gasping for air at times. Let me tell you right now clinginess is NOT endearing, charming, flattering or romantic.

I view being clingy as the emotional equivalent of a tick on your skin. Maybe even a tick on the side of your boob like a fellow camper I bunked with once had to deal with. She couldn't even put a shirt on to go across the way to the counselors' tent. We had to go tell the counselors she needed help without having to go into graphic detail (since we liked our tent mate & weren't trying to embarrass her). Ticks are painful, always end in places you don't want them & they just cause you unnecessary stress, strife, aggravation, you get the idea. That's how I view a clingy guy.

Again, middle ground. Take an interest & give a damn if I live or die (vanishing from the radar means you will vanish from MY radar since there are always other guys & friends who contact me). But you don't have to call or text me every hour, on the hour. Once a day or once every few days is okay. I understand you have a life. I do as well. Respect it & we will be fine.

Clinging to me tells me you do NOT have a life, that you will shape your entire existence around me & I won't be flattered but will end up terrified when I need to get out of your basement b/c you have decided to kidnap me (hopefully not literally since figurative kidnapping is bad enough).

Fourth, don't beg me for sex. I think it's pathetic when a guy does that. Not sure how guys feel about girls doing that but I sure won't do it. I have never had to beg for it & I sure won't now.

I'm thinking of an episode of The Golden Girls where Blanche is out with this guy she tried to sleep with & never did. Her "the one that got away," if you will. She goes out with this guy, despite him no longer being the hottie she knew in college & finally gets fed up after asking him for the upteenth time if he wants company and gets rejected.

She goes off on him & informs him that he may not want her but she will damn well find a man who does. After she does this, she leaves the restaurant they're at and 4 guys follow her, including the check and this guy dining with another woman! At this point, I could see something like that happening to me if a guy rejected me & I'd had enough.

Finally, I like my space. In particular, I like my emotional space. No, I LOVE my emotional space.

People need it from time to time, especially when they are going through what I have but I loved my space even before that.

Those who need their space will understand what I'm saying here & those who don't will never get it. We people who love our space just need to find others who also cherish their own space & understand why you don't want to be joined at the hip 24/7.

Sometimes, I just want to be left the fuck alone. If I'm bleeding due to girl stuff, I REALLY just want to be left alone. It's called "Stay out of my face. Do not bother me & definitely don't engage me if you don't want to get injured or hear me say something you won't like."

Could anyone possibly tell me why all this stalker mess? I want to know why. Why are they all stalking ME?!?!?! Where are some rational, normal, non-clingy (but still caring) guys who also have a professional background & some ambition in life?

Aren't there other women for these guys to bother & send these impassioned "I need you" notes to? Surely I can't be the only attractive woman in NYC with naturally red hair, a career, ambition & looks. I'm not the only model; let's balance out some of this stalker shit.

Plus, I have yet to see any super hotties be stalkers. None bothering me have ever been the kind of guy women would throw their panties at "just because." Now maybe it's just that guys I find attractive haven't been the stalker type since I'm sure looks have zero to do with a guy becoming a stalker. Please tell me there are hot ones guilty of it as well.

Some of you might think "Oh, I'd love to have stalkers." No you don't. If you wanted a stalker, he wouldn't be a stalker. He'd be a guy you want to do naughty things with. Another downside to being pretty & I'm not even famous at this point. God help me if that happens. I'll need a full security staff with military gear.

Creativity & Messages From the Universe

Nearly a week ago, I had maybe the most personal experience I have ever had with an employment recruiter. I called to follow up on a job ad I saw on Monday and talked to this guy directly, who asked me to send all my resumes (yep, all 4 of them) to see if he might be able to help me in a job hunt.

On Wednesday, I ended up having some things to do and decided while I was going to get my headshots printed (I had to get them in before 12 to pick them up after 5, when therapy would be over & then go uptown for a rehearsal for the next City Bar show) I would see about meeting this recruiter since he'd wanted to meet with me, I could kill some time instead of wasting travel money and I could avoid another trip into the city if he was free. It turns out he was so I made that happen. Unfortunately, I have to get my headshots this week since my resume in a Word format was 2 pages while the version I had at home was 1 page. My problem with an entertainment resume is that I have a lot of special skills & distinct information that should be mentioned which when adding up training and roles, puts me at 2 pages unless I make small margins and lessen the type font.

Somehow, I never have the problem of a resume being too small; mine are always too large with very little information I can feasibly cut. I still have to get my writing resume onto 1 page and have no clue what to omit to make that happen.

Anyhow, I had this meeting with the recruiter. He tells me that I'm far more creative & innovative than him. This very thing, however, is apparently a huge problem in any job I'd want to do and as I suspected, the very thing I'd be suited for is something no employer would actually let me do (since I'm not a 5 year old, actually know what I'm talking about when I speak & violate rules on legal "pedigree" and traditional paths). The conversation ended up getting a bit personal, maybe too personal since at one point I felt the urge to burst into tears. It depressed me since it made me feel that there is no way in Hell I can work for anyone other than myself, no employer could ever appreciate me & the demand that I go find a steady paying job is never going to be fulfilled.

However, the good thing about this recruiter is that he said he got it & something in my voice told him he should meet with me. He also told me he had no clue how to help me though he could listen to me talk all day. Okay.

I was also told to stay in touch & I guess I will since this is the first recruiter I've ever met who got it. Few people I meet outside the creative world really get me, what I do, what I stand for or how my mindset works even though I don't think I'm that hard to figure out. I simply don't have time for bullshit, know how to think & am not a follower. If you can remember these 3 things & respect them, we're good. Those are the people I cherish & respect.

One of my friends even said I have my own box I'm that unique & different from everyone else.

I should probably just pay some of these people to talk to the jerks who think I should go get a job in some law firm or can go easily do just any old steady paying job. Definitely thinking of making that offer to one of my City Bar colleagues who actually knows BigLaw & confirmed exactly what I knew; perhaps hearing it from these people would make these fuckers realize that maybe I know what I'm doing in my life & have some self-awareness, okay?

This weekend, I also read this article & can tell you with authority it's 100% accurate. When I responded to job ads from law firms seeking "hip lawyers," I never got a response. Stories I've read about the operations of law firms and even looking at their websites confirm this a million times over. Stories people have told me about their working experiences at these places confirm that I don't want to be there. I've not bought into the lie that employers value creativity for many years so I see no need for any of them to lie to me about it. To me, that lie is just part of the big dog & pony show I don't care for in the first place.

And you know something? I don't have any passion for many of these employers I see posting jobs I could feasibly do. I looked on LinkedIn job ads yesterday & realized that few of these companies had given me anything to care about or feel any passion for. If I can't get behind what your company does or your mission or feel like what you're doing has value in society, why should I apply? You don't want me to work there because I have a brain in the first place & dare to not be some befuddled little weakling. My lack of passion is just another big reason I shouldn't be there.

I really don't think I lost my father & cousin in these past few months to keep doing the same old shit. I didn't have mortality shine right in my face (my cousin was the same age as my sister) to listen to assholes who just want me to be part of their misery club instead of actually CARING about whether I'm happy or not. My mentality has changed & I realized I have to admit that to myself. I also realized things about my self-perception have changed. I'm starting to see myself as designers, models, fashion industry colleagues and guys legitimately attracted to me see me; this is a drastic turn from thinking I had goth tendencies or belonged in crowds that I really don't.

Call me stubborn but I also don't believe that happiness & personal fulfillment are things you have to buy or are only for rich people. I reject that idea. I'd rather be dead than giving up everything I worked for & give a damn about. For me, what is the point if you are miserable & don't have a single source of joy in your life? Giving up any part of what I do creatively would take away my sources of joy & I feel it's wrong to ask anyone to do that.

Then, I saw a post from a Facebook friend who's an actress (along with a fellow natural redhead) that she had recently lost her job & was concerned about this (as most of us would be).

It gets better. Her boss directly made fun of her for her acting ambitions & sounded just like many of these law firm partners I hear about who've asked my attorney colleagues why they're "wasting their time" on creative pursuits or told them those pursuits were frivolous.

However, she got 3 auditions and a movie offer. One comment on this said that the universe was telling her she didn't need to be at that job & she was on the right path with pursuing acting.

I do also believe the universe gives you messages. For instance, something told me on Saturday to refill my business cards before going out to watch a show I was to review for Woman Around Town (a blog I've written some pieces for in the past few months). Sure enough, I ended up meeting another attorney who was sitting near me for the show & had a great conversation. I've had something tell me to go out or do things many times and ended up having some meaningful conversation or later having a great event happen in my life.

I wasn't even going to interview for the internship position at One Way years ago since I thought I'd have to work in New Jersey & couldn't do that but something told me to go anyway. I did and the rest is history.

The universe has done everything but grabbed me by the shoulders & shaken me while slapping me in the face and say "You need to work for yourself, not chasing after jobs in Corporate America." The evidence just adds up & I don't think you can attribute it to coincidence. The question in my brain is how to get others to understand that; maybe paying those people who say that I wouldn't fit into particular jobs to explain this to those types isn't such a bad idea.

Seriously, though I don't think anyone should ignore their intuition. Sometimes it's accurate and right. Maybe there's also an element of positive thinking in some of this but I also believe in the power of positive thinking considering it does tie in with self-fulfilling prophecy, which is a proven & studied psychological concept.

God, sometimes being both left & right brained sucks! Being the first to do things can also suck.

Sunglasses: A Symbolism Story

Until taking high school English & learning about it, I didn't really appreciate the concept of symbolism. After that, I started to notice little symbolism stories in my own life. The absolute best one was when I lost the diamond ring I bought myself years before on the same weekend my then-boyfriend said he cheated on me. I think I told it before but if I didn't, I have to someday.

The latest one concerns my former childhood best friend. Maybe now we ought to call her a train wreck or someone TLC ought to be contacting with a contract for a reality show. From her latest antics, they really ought to. She's apparently managed to make one acquaintance who I felt ought to get a reality show w/her sister look functional by comparison (she's the one who had to fight to get a tubal after having 4 kids & limited means to raise them).

Many moons ago (or at least it feels that way), before she went insane my ex-friend gave me a pair of sunglasses. They weren't really The Angry Redheaded Lawyer's style (my style is very eclectic & different from the pack's) but I said "Thank you" and took them just the same.

If you read "The Wedding Saga" series here, you know that friendship has definitively been history for a while. But...it gets so much better.

Remember when I mentioned my sister finding out her husband had been having less than clean conversations with other women on Facebook? Well, guess who he decided to have one of these conversations with? Guess who responded to these overtures & said nothing to my sister? You got it, this ex-friend.

My sister, for God only knows what reason, decided not to tell this bitch to suck it or fuck off or drop dead like 95% of us would have. No, she decided to still talk to her though on a more limited basis.

Two thoughts occurred to me at hearing this:

1. My BIL could do so much better than ex-friend. If he were single, had no kids, dressed nicely & came to a fashion show, he could probably have a shot with a fashion model. I know them, you know. Plus, I have the wingwoman skills. Oh, hell I'll be a bitch & say it: this ex-friend was a size 22 at the wedding. I am (and was) a size 2.

Looking back these days, maybe my ex-friend had more luck with guys than me back in the day because she had fewer standards than me. I was picky, wasn't going to have sex with them & according to people I know (and even someone who reached out to my sister later), guys were intimidated of me & insecure around me being who I am. Older guys checked me out but I had no skill to pursue that and no one really pursued me until college.

2. My sister ought to be nominated for sainthood. The reason will be even more obvious soon.

Fast forward to this month: the ex-friend had the baby with her illegal fling who I guarantee isn't nearly as good looking as most of my guy friends & certainly not any male models I've worked with. She contacts my sister (AFTER the revelation of her little conversation with my BIL which my sister found out about & not from the ex-friend) to ask her to get a free bassinet my sister is trying to sell. This after she apparently owes my sister money from that wedding.

My mother apparently told my sister she was done with this ex-friend after the ex-friend showed her ass at the wedding (the incident referenced later in the saga & to which everyone who's heard that tale sides with me, including many impartial third parties). My sister simply opted not to return that phone call.

Apparently, ex-friend was around when my sister lost her first husband but I think that ex-friend used up the goodwill from that ages ago. Recently, we crossed 10 years since this guy died; I don't think you can do the shit she did & get to remain in someone's good graces because you comforted them when their first husband died.

As far as I'm concerned, the only thing my sister owes this ex-friend is not shooting her on sight (mostly so my sister doesn't have to go to jail). Anything else is fair game.

Now, for the symbolism. I started wearing these sunglasses & didn't really care if they got messed up or lost screws (as most of my sunglasses invariably have happen) since I was just using them in the meantime before wearing newer ones I got that are in keeping with my style. I had been wearing them for the longest time just because. Certainly anyone who saw me in them figured they weren't really my aesthetic.

A few days ago, I came home & had the sunglasses in my purse. I open them up to find this:



I have no clue how that happened. I wouldn't be able to physically break them myself, my purse had been closed when I discovered this & I'd worn them home a few minutes earlier. The cats didn't sit on them or my purse. I'm still puzzled over it.

I still have to get the screws out so I can save them or maybe put them into some other sunglasses in a style I like. I just think this is interesting. Don't you? Whose sunglasses break apart like that with no prior evidence of this?

This ex-friend is also a huge reason I'm selective about who gets to come into or stay in my life along with convinced that no one should get to stay in your life simply because they've been there forever if they no longer fit within it. Friends of mine certainly better know if they don't that they're in a privileged place & past goodwill isn't going to keep them around forever. Guess my sister got the whole saintly stuff when it comes to people while I got the "no mercy" gene.

Signs of the Inevitable

For years, I've lived this struggle between maintaining private figure rights & accepting that I look as I do and will likely get opportunities in the entertainment industry because of it (it's happened already). People suggested I create a Facebook fan page, for instance, because of doing things on my own creatively and having fans.

Until Friday, I was skeptical of doing that for myself. I wasn't sure I actually had any fans other than current Facebook friends & some networking contacts. Why would you need a fan page if all your fans already know who you are & might be privy to details you have/share on your personal page?

That changed with doing modeling & having pictures posted publicly. I had 2 different random people send me friend requests who had no connection to any pre-existing friends, industries I work in and weren't people I remembered meeting recently. One had even sent me a message asking me which model I was in this one shoot I did.

Not wanting to give the option of "fuck off" or being in the same realm as actual friends/contacts who I don't mind knowing the personal details of my life (I'm not even sure my life is THAT exciting but it probably will be more interesting soon), I figured it was time I created a fan page. This way, I could correspond with and talk to people as me, the creative. Me, the person who is doing modeling pics in underwear (as part of a professional job, thank you, not me going to the bathroom & taking underwear shots with my iPhone). Me, the person who writes this blog & has opinions on things in life.

I'm a private person. I don't trust people easily. If I bother to confide in you even slightly or want to talk to you about personal stuff, feel honored since you're part of a very small group. I have also done 2 other modeling shows since the first one & did go out in underwear. That experience was also liberating, didn't feel uncomfortable and I didn't feel exploited while doing it. In fact, most people complimented how I looked or understood that modeling isn't the same as real life & is part of a show just like any acting performance I might do. Plus, it's not like I was in a thong or doing nudity.

A fan page also made sense to avoid having my husband want to kick guys' butts for complimenting me in modeling pictures. I know fan appreciation when I see it.

This is probably the climax of what else happened this week. In short, got some potentially life changing news, did more house cleaning by ridding myself of a hateful loser who will never be and figured out that I may be doing even more house cleaning.

Here's a question for the filmmakers, performers & those in the entertainment industry with even a remote type of public profile: Do you have to be an orphan to maintain artistic integrity?

I ask this since it seems a certain type of family insists on censoring adult members by scolding them for social media status updates. In this case, it's overly religious families and perhaps Southern families as well. My husband got a comment from one of his relatives about my modeling pictures and how she didn't what I wrote in my blog. My blog based on MY opinion & feelings on things. MY blog that has a following & where people have encouraged me to speak freely, be myself and all that good stuff.

My husband, great guy that he is, told this relative that I'm an adult & have free speech rights. With a nickname like "the enforcer," what do some people expect from me? Do they think they're going to tell me what to write, what to think & what to feel for me to listen to them and not do whatever it is that offends them so? Do they not have any self-control or options NOT to look at things? NOT to read things? Maybe not try censoring my art or my artistic voice?

Sorry but telling someone they shouldn't say or do something related to an opinion or feeling is an attempt to silence my artistic voice. Telling me not to speak or debate something is telling me to be some mindless robot & anyone who knows me well knows that's not who I am.

I've had with the tyranny of family! You'd think I was a web cam girl or working as a stripper with the general commentary on me doing underwear modeling for a fashion show. I was pondering yesterday how in the world real life adult entertainment people put up with this. I also wondered about stand-up comedians and remembered the one whose mother-in-law sued her because she didn't like a joke she made. I also recalled Margaret Cho's reaction when watching the commentary to an episode of All American Girl when her character is doing stand-up & her family is offended. The character gives up her stand-up career for the family while Margaret Cho herself says if her family asked her to do that or got offended by some joke she made, she'd tell them to fuck off.

As part of my new life outlook, I've insisted on honest relationships with people (including family members). I insist on family seeing me as who I am today, not what they wish I was or who I used to be. I've outgrown pretending & lying about things to cater to closed-mined, prejudiced assholes who don't love the real you. To me, it's too much work, too much effort and life's too short for it.

Maybe part of this also comes from never having older generation relatives that I respected or who really showed much love to me. It's very hard to recognize abusive family members & rid yourself of their abuse, especially if you grew up in the same house with them. However, I think Dear Prudence is right in saying that being old shouldn't entitle someone to be an asshole to their family or have their nastiness catered to by their families. I swear, the more I read that column & about the family problems people complain about the more resolute I am in my recent choices.

Life is not worth surrounding yourself with haters who want to tear you down, see you fail or drag you down to their level instead of striving for things on their own or helping themselves get ahead. I don't think I'm special for having done what I did; I was just determined and felt like life was way too short to settle for mediocrity or unhappiness. You don't get a hundred do-overs for life (unless you believe in reincarnation, of course, and that doesn't mean you'll still be human when you come back). I figure if Margaret Cho would do that, then why should I cave to the tyranny of family?

It feels like I'm going to have to get used to being alone in a distinct sort of way. Celebrities have talked about this feeling before & remembering it now, I feel like that's my future. My husband says he 100% supports me in my career; I want more people like that around instead of those who don't get it & just want to turn me into a little robot who has no independent thoughts or feelings.

One of these days, I'll feel settled in my personal interactions but I really wish I knew when that day would be.

Cleaning House

Sometimes, we just have to clean house. Not just literally but spiritually as well. With all the personal shit I've been dealing with these past few months, I've found it necessary to re-evaluate things in my life & clean my house, so to speak.

I've also been reminded of the fact that in December between Christmas and New Year's I will have officially been out of the South for 10 years. That's not an accomplishment I take lightly considering I had to make my own way up here. I didn't know anyone before moving here. It's also one of the best things I did in my life since my emotional state & my spirit were so much better once I lived in Connecticut. I felt like my life was finally starting since before that, I was in a temporary state. A limbo, if you will.

That's one reason why I have tons of ex stories & experiences from college; part of it was getting an education in things my parents would never have encouraged me to learn or know about. You think if I'd lived with my parents I'd have gotten to date some of the guys I did? A huge part of me was feeling like my true future wasn't going to start until I got to NYC or found people who also wanted to live there like me. I felt like I was just killing time and preparing for my life, the one I chose and the one I made vs. the one inflicted on me.

I was reading a Dear Prudence letter from this week from a woman whose grown children didn't communicate with her as much as she'd liked (it's the letter signed "Abandoned"). Then I read comments about that one & a theme started to emerge: it seemed the people who still talked to their parents were friends with them in their adult lives. Their parents weren't "their parents." They'd had a friendship relationship with them.

I thought about it & it occurred to me that I'm not really friends with my mother. I'm not really friends with my sister either when you analyze it. There are things I absolutely wouldn't be able to discuss with them that I could discuss with most of my friends & we're way too different for there to be very much common ground. I wondered whether I would be "friends" with these people if I met them someplace or would have had them around if they weren't related to me. The answer is "no." In fact, our worlds would most likely never collide if you consider this objectively.

My mother was not the type you could talk sex ed with. If she'd had her way, I'd have gotten married a virgin & then just married everyone I slept with like my sister; perhaps I'd have even been frigid. My mother probably maintains to this day that if she'd had her way I wouldn't have gone to college in Atlanta. I see Atlanta as a partial refuge from some of the shit I had to deal with & got to live on my own, make my own decisions and as Janet Jackson would say, "I'm gonna be the one in control." In Atlanta, I was in control.

Had my mother been the kind of parent who wouldn't have the urge to throw scalding water on you if you'd dared to suggest abortion as a solution to an unwanted pregnancy, maybe I could have had a better relationship with her. At least, a more honest one.

My sister told me I was the favorite kid but I've never seen it. I think both she & my mother judge my lifestyle and the fact that I don't live in a prison of others' expectations. Since I don't see my mother (or even my sister, for that matter) respecting me for who I am and not making little cracks implying I'm a slut for not marrying everyone I had a sexual relationship with, I think we're at an impasse. It's creepy how my sister is starting to become more like my mother when she was quite the rebel as a kid.

Now I have decided the kids shouldn't suffer. I'll still get birthday & Christmas gifts for the niece & nephews since it's not their fault people in my family can't treat me with the basic level of respect they'd treat a total stranger. If family members refuse to give them those gifts, that's their pettiness if you ask me. If they trash me, that's also their pettiness. I think my oldest nephew especially will eventually see people in his family as I see them. I also got my mother something I told her I'd get her beforehand to not be a total bitch.

It's funny because it's not like my mother hasn't cut people off herself. She doesn't talk to most people in her family & doesn't really have an explanation except she doesn't want to deal with them. If she doesn't have to deal with people in her family, then why should I have to deal with people in mine? Why is "family" some sacred cow I have to follow but isn't for her or millions of other people who don't talk to their relatives for various reasons, good or bad?

I might look quite young but my spirit is much older. You have to remember that I went through big life altering, perspective changing events earlier in life than the average person. My spirit is in a state of fatigue with general acts of BS. I just don't have the will or interest in dealing with nonsense in any corner of life. I have no time or interest in chasing anyone or trying to make anyone like me or give a damn about stuff I do. To me, that train is moving along and if you aren't on it you probably won't get to hop back on especially as things are picking up in other areas of life.

I also recently got rid of a Facebook friend that wasn't really my friend. More like an acquaintance of my husband's. She decided to make a backhanded remark on a political issue I am extremely hard core about based on my personal experience; apparently, she's perfectly fine with illegals charging into the country & not bothering to learn enough English to be able to call the police or know when school is closing for the kids. I challenged her remark & she showed her true colors. I got on the defensive, de-friended & blocked her.

Then, she made the mistake of contacting my husband. He told her off & also de-friended/blocked her. Like a leaf falling from a tree branch, she was gone. It's not like she'd made any real effort to be a friend in the first place. And, gee, what is the title of this blog? When I friend people on Facebook or get requests from people, what's the first thing I say? What occupation do I have state licensing in? These should be blatant clues that I'm outspoken & you'd better not come to a debate with me without having some sound logic to back up your position. I'm also proud of my husband for standing by me this time & not trying to change or challenge me.

As a rule, I don't generally de-friend people for disagreeing with me. I'll listen to dissent but you have to present a clear, rational argument for why you disagree with me. You don't get to make backhanded, veiled remarks that might be a personal attack on me. You also don't get to expect me never to take a stand on anything. Jesus, do you WANT me to have a stroke, go on a shooting spree, or do something else crazy, destructive & generally bad for society at large? That's what you'll get if you try to impose censorship on me. It's also a major factor in my working for myself. At least some people appreciate me for who I am instead of what they wish I were or think I am.

I viewed this little exchange as just more cleaning house. When you're severing relationships with close family, it sort of feels like you've just gotten out of prison and had shackles removed from you after having worn them for decades. I feel like I'm rubbing my wrists and looking out at the horizon into a new life and future. I decided it was not my problem that my mother doesn't want to speak with anyone or take steps to help herself. I have my own life to live & my own psyche to consider.

Grief and all this is sort of funny. My career popping has been keeping me going & given me a nice distraction from all this mess; I've actually done more modeling, which has made me feel tons better. Friends have also been a help. The real ones who have some self-respect & don't spend more time taking from me than giving.

My mother claimed that I never let anyone make a mistake. Well, it depends on the mistake. Am I picky & critical? Yes. I won't lie. In my business, letting someone make one huge mistake can mark the end of a career and reputation you worked forever to build. There's also the question of remorse. Should I just be a doormat?

I've always felt people in my family have allowed the world to treat them as doormats, which I can't do. Especially for people who are supposed to have your back in the personal context. They're more important than the people you're doing business with & get to see the real you. I feel like a real friend isn't someone who makes you feel like you can't be "the real you" around them.

I also have high standards for myself and those who get the privilege of being in my life. That's how we should view people in our lives: privileged. If someone doesn't take that seriously, then in my opinion they don't belong in your life. If I'm making all the effort or doing everything, how do I know the person actually cares or if they just don't want to hurt my feelings but could really care less about me?

When I dated guys, I eventually adopted a 2 week rule. If a guy didn't follow up with me after a first date or meeting in 2 weeks, I'd say "Next!" and move right on. If I'd met some other guy within that time, I'd have probably said "Next!" even sooner if the second guy was following up & showing me he actually valued my presence. Comes back to the basic ethic of "Life's too short." It really is. For me, it's way too short to deal with bullshit. Even when getting dumped, I had a process for getting over a break up down pat. I only had a problem once when my sex buddy came along too soon in the grief process & made it take a week longer than it should have. See why my longest relationship with a guy in the same zip code before my husband was 6 months?

I think more people should view others' presence in their life as a privilege, not an entitlement or a right kind of how David Chase viewed the characters on The Sopranos (he said any of them, including Tony, could be dead at any time). I also feel more than justified in why those relationships ended since it allowed me to spot problems & articulate exactly what I wasn't putting up with in the next guy. I wasn't the type to linger in a bad relationship & I still wouldn't. I feel like it delays the inevitable.

These are reasons cleaning house can be a very good thing. At least as a writer and actress, I've got a lot of emotions to draw from and creative spark to work with. For me, those are good things. You've got to use tragedy and bad shit somewhere & I feel like putting them in a positive place is much better than wallowing in it.

Severely Delusional People & Why Unconditional Love is a Myth

I'm amazed at the completely delusional nature of some people. For some reason, the last people I'd expect to want to deal with me have been sending me LinkedIn connection requests. One came from someone I filed a lawsuit against in small claims court. In fact, I could have appeared on TV if I'd kept that case going & not gotten my money; I did get a call from The People's Court over it.

Yesterday's was a doozy, though. It came from someone who headed an enterprise I later learned was illegal to engage in in one of the states where I have a law license.

I told the grievance committee of that state the owner's name & offered to give them whatever they wanted to keep this guy from getting another attorney there to violate ethics rules. Why on earth would he want to have me as a LinkedIn connection?

Who does this to people? What would possess you to be a LinkedIn connection with someone who disapproves of you, sued you, or did something heinous to you or your business? I refuse all these since there's that saying "Birds of a feather flock together." Why would I let you be my connection & fuck up MY reputation with your general fuckery?

I'm sure people get these requests on Facebook as well. Again, I ask why. Plus, I'm pretty direct when I don't want to deal with someone. I don't leave that stuff in the air or make you think things could be cool between us someday after the tempest has passed. If you've done something truly awful to me, I'll tell you. I will also tell you that you're dead to me or not to bother contacting me ever again. It takes real effort to make me feel that way but once you do, there's no turning back. My dislike & general hatred on someone who's wronged me is legendary: you can ask around. In fact, I'm so direct with people on that stuff precisely so I don't have to get their Facebook friend request or their LinkedIn connection request. LinkedIn really needs a block button, I swear. Situations like this are why we need block buttons; there are some severely delusional people on this planet.

Today, I actually went to my first 2 social events since my father died. Something told me to go to the second one even though I found out about it hours before the other one. The subway schedule told me to go to that one first so I did. Turned out to be a good move on my part. Did have some good conversations & hopefully will have new contacts from it. Got home really late & I'm sure to be fucking up my sleep before going to the doctor who handles girly parts tomorrow.

I've not had a check-up in years since my last one dropped off the face of the earth, literally. His number was disconnected, his website vanished, all trace of him was gone (which sucked). A childfree person like me doesn't have an easy time getting one & even though I already had a tubal, I don't need anyone foisting the Church of Baby on me. Spare me! I've got a total of 6 nieces & nephews. More kids is the last thing my family needs; I also have zero patience so maybe not such a good idea to tell me about the joys of motherhood & how I'm incomplete as a person unless I breed. I only look at providers in Manhattan since the jerks in my area kept telling me they were going to talk me out of getting a tubal like I was 15 years old; it's weird that there are people in Queens who act like they live in rural Kentucky or something. That bothers me on multiple levels & makes me feel isolated from it.

The office I called was able to see me tomorrow so I was like "Okay." I also got my assurance I wouldn't be getting harassed on that issue. I think if I did, I would have to point out the latest attempts to turn women into barefoot, pregnant baby factories with no brains or ambitions of their own. Sorry but I'd have to kill myself in that world or become a prostitute/comfort girl. I'm sure those who know me could totally see me being a hooker in that society. Maybe I'd become the hooker who killed the biggest offenders of sexism in her off time using creative methods.

So, why is unconditional love a myth? I was telling this to a friend of mine today in describing something personal about me I was pretty sure he didn't know. Not sure if he agreed with me on it but if you disagree, I'm going to break it down for you if you hear me out.

I was telling him of my long established policy of telling any guy who wanted to be serious with me that I wasn't going to relive my childhood of living with an alcoholic & that it would be unfair to ask me to do so. Selfish, cruel, those words could fit as well. If you lived through things in your childhood or a prior relationship, there's no way you'd regress to that experience if you'd fully made it out.

"Unconditional" means you take someone regardless, no matter what. But most of us wouldn't say that means you have to stay with a domestic abuser. Well, living with an alcoholic or a drug dealer would be for me the equivalent of suffering domestic violence except you're living that mentally & emotionally. If you haven't lived it, you can't really grasp what it's like.

To avoid worrying about anyone I cared about becoming an alcoholic, my policy was not to marry a drinker. My mom even told us not to do that & used her own story as proof of what happens if you do. She didn't marry him as an asshole drunk who had blackouts, damaged her property & made her fear for her personal safety. He progressed to that. I live my life with passion & if you're my friend, I care a lot about you. Imagine how I feel about my husband. Luckily, he's not given me that fear.

I think everyone's got a breaking point, an area where they'd say "Enough is enough! I'm out of here." To love unconditionally would be irrational in my book since that means you're taking the domestic abuser for life, you're giving up everything for someone (including your identity, your friends, your interests, anything you hold dear) & you become a doormat. Maybe I'm just not as good a person or am more selfish but I think people shouldn't be condemned or punished for refusing to give up who they are or let their "love" abuse them, whether it's physically, mentally, sexually, whatever. For me, that's not love. It wouldn't be love for me if my husband ignored me on that whole alcohol thing & started acting just like my father did when I was younger.

I tolerated much more from guys I simply dated than anyone I wanted a future with. Drinking wasn't a big deal to me from dates since I didn't have to live with them or deal with shared finances. I also avoided asshole drunks & only went out with social drinkers. A big difference but when you go through something like that, you feel like you've survived a long battle. I definitely did and freedom was (and still is) a huge thing for me. When you haven't had it, you cherish it when you get it.

Find me someone who's got unconditional love for someone & I'll show you how it isn't unconditional. I'd definitely put you in the severely delusional category if you in fact had unconditional love for someone; it would mean you have no personal identity or only have it at your spouse's leisure.

Reaching Out to Strangers on Social Media: There's a Right Way & a Wrong Way

This comes up as I did my forum yesterday. If you didn't get to go, you missed out. Seriously. Jagger was an awesome mod who totally delivered on the promise of educational but accessible (and then some). He made me laugh with the mic talk. I've wondered about such things myself with bar associations, especially City Bar's lack of a sound system considering Thug High had one & we really didn't have much in the way of nice stuff. If Thug High, who has far less money for operations than a NYC bar association, can have a sound system, why the hell doesn't that bar association? I'd really like to know the answer. I can't be the first person to notice such things or say something.

People kept complimenting me on the speakers & my friend Monroe got swarmed by folks afterward. I kid you not. Even my business partner, who attended, wanted to meet him & I made a point to introduce those two. He said he liked Monroe since he was a hustler & remembered me mentioning him before (remember, if I like you & you're on my radar screen you will be mentioned if XYZ thing I remember about you comes up in conversation). That guy will be coming to NYCLA again if I've got anything to do with it. Before I even invited him for this, I knew it would be stupid of me not to. Sometimes being a good leader & organizer means recognizing who's going to deliver the image you're working on + mesh well with your group.

I'm trying to get the "I'm stick of stuffy" demographic since I feel like they've been ignored. I consider myself one of them & God knows I've felt ignored. Plus, what do you expect from the woman who's playing a prostitute in this year's off year show for City Bar?

Even if you're not doing nudity or sex scenes, it takes confidence & a sense of self to portray such a role. I probably couldn't have done it if it was given to me in high school, even though no one there would have believed it since I'm sure most of those guys would find it hard to believe that any guy in his right mind would pay money to sleep with me.

I have had so many compliments from this event from both creatives and lawyers/law students; people thanked me for doing it, thanked my speakers & my moderator (whom I made sure to thank since they totally deserve it & know their stuff). I also think when someone does something nice for you & helps you, you should sincerely thank them for it--at least, this is an American entertainment industry ethic. I even read an article recently on the power of public praise in the workplace & how it raised morale as well as productivity. Some bosses could use that lesson.

My husband also made me proud by networking on his own and doing targeted introductions to my business partner. Meanwhile, as the event organizer, I had to mingle and network amongst my attendees. Don't organize an event if you can't handle this. Funny that I went to an event on Thursday & another industry contact I know told me I was working the room. "Damn," I thought "Here I am, the quiet chick & I'm able to work a room. Okay, then."

As a result of that & doing last night's event, I've gotten lots of cards and met people. I have a TON of follow up to do to say the least.

Then, I've had people send me social media connection requests, particularly on Facebook. Some people use Facebook like I & others use LinkedIn.

Most of the people reaching out have been creatives or I saw they went to my forum so when I got those requests, I was like "Okay, I'll approve it. I don't think this person will try censoring me or telling me what to do." Could you imagine it? I'd handle that quickly, rest assured.

But there are always those people who send you a friend request, have no direct connections to your immediate contacts & have no information on their profiles. You're like "Who the hell are YOU and why are you so anxious to friend ME?"

It pissed me off when it happened on MySpace & it still pisses me off today.

Here's what to do & what not to do if you're reaching out to an industry person you don't know:

1. Tell the person WHY they should friend you. Often, sending a message is best for this (even if it goes to the Other mailbox) but having information on your profile available for the person's perusal or being a mutual contact can help. It does for me, at least. Show me some commonality.

One of my industry friends also agreed that sending a message when trying to friend a stranger is basic etiquette. This is the same thing for LinkedIn connection requests. I select contacts carefully so you won't get a request from me unless I saw something on your profile that interested me like a job, mutual interests, a general ethic, etc. I also do targeted networking & if I think you're going someplace or are where I'm heading, you're going to be someone I wish to talk to. You may end up becoming one of my few trusted contacts as things are moving for me.

At least the good news is I've been getting contacts lately who have their own success so maybe I won't have that whole green eyed monster problem.

2. If you haven't done this & I ask you WHY you want to friend me (which I will do if I can't find any information to support your request like mutual friends, going to my event, etc.), do NOT get all pissy about my asking.

First off, I'm an attorney. Even with entertainment attorneys, who are some of the most accessible and nicest people you will meet in the legal community, you aren't going to get sunshine and roses if an attorney doesn't know you. We attorneys are not in a popularity contest & it benefits you to respect us vs. wanting to have our babies, kill for us or be our best friends. You have to prove yourself to attorneys; as I've said a million times, you can't be an asshole to us.

Attorney may be one of the few occupations where you can get away with being an asshole to others (though maybe judge is better since attorneys can't get away with being assholes to judges). A good attorney is not some doormat throwing people under the bus to impress someone who may very well be trying to exploit them, their contacts or their clients.

Second, I'm a film executive. That's another occupation where you can get away with being an asshole, at least selectively. We are bombarded with people asking for things. It's like wearing a big sign that says "Ask me for favors." You don't even need the sign; people just do it anyway. The higher you are, the more common it is.

There is a finesse and a process to building rapport. Any film exec has every right to be suspicious of strangers who aren't doing the same thing or aren't at their level. Your job, stranger, is to show me you aren't just another asshole asking for a special favor.

Third, my public profile has increased. I'm sure to see more long lost relatives & random others popping out of the woodwork. Having a public profile means you have to be guarded and selective with who you talk to & what information you give. Again, stranger you are the one who has to prove yourself.

3. Don't be an idiot. We have lawyer jokes for a reason. Lawyers didn't get their rep for nothing, as I stated above. Me not being a stereotypical attorney asshole doesn't = embracing total strangers with 100% open arms with no questions on who they are, why they care to see all my personal updates/rants/pics/etc. Creeps & stalkers exist, especially for people in the entertainment industry. If you work in it professionally, you will encounter it sooner or later. It's probably a sign you've made it if you're getting this hassle. Caution saves us time & heartache. Professionals understand this. Not understanding it tells me you aren't a professional or you're extremely naive & something bad will eventually happen b/c you likely give that open arms treatment to strangers.

So, to recap lawyers aren't campaigning for Miss America & the good ones care more about your respect than if you like them as people. What good is someone who likes you as a person but stomps on you, subverts your authority, talks to other attorneys behind your back & excludes you from important conversations with them, etc.? Or worse, that person is breaking every law under the sun but likes you b/c you didn't do anything about it? That doesn't fly in law land; it's a fast track to getting disbarred.

I had someone do this with a friend request. It's like "Did you bother researching me? Did you read this blog? Did you ask around?" Come on, I'm the enforcer! I've also had a lot of haters in life.

Trying to get people to like you is a losing battle since I tried that early in life & failed miserably. When I stopped doing that in 8th grade, I had real friends who had my back & eventually got respect from others since I didn't tolerate anyone trying to demean me. That was worth so much more than the fake friendships I had. Eventually, I let go of all those fake friendships & decided that being in my life and getting my time was a privilege, not something I had to beg or grovel to anyone for.

Seriously, even if you aren't working in the entertainment industry or an attorney it's still a good idea not to go around begging others for approval in life & just be your own person who says "Here I am. Take it or leave it." It's been said a trillion times but it's still true: if you don't look after yourself or respect yourself, no one else is going to.

Armchair Lawyers: How I Want to Kill Them as Well as Anti-Gun Maniacs

Seriously. I read the worst crap coming from anti-gun people on this Credo petition & in a pro-women's Facebook group about how we should not only ban assault rifles but also handguns as well as track every single bullet that goes into a gun, impose draconian measures & basically make gun rights non-existent.

One poster in particular really pissed me off. After she goes on a tirade about banning handguns & how "having guns in society is dangerous," she gets all offended when I present my response.

I said that she apparently enjoys being strip searched at the airport before taking a plane to go on vacation & wants to ban concealed carry permits (since you don't need them for shotguns, the only gun this loon didn't want to ban). I pointed out the corruptness of our government with the pepper spraying of peaceful protestors (Did we forget about the Occupy Wall Street protests & other Occupy protests elsewhere?) & arrests designed to promote censorship of citizens. I said I personally think we have enough invasions of privacy to not have to been regulated on this issue. Furthermore, what next? Are we going to be forced to account for all our bowel movements & what we drank for lunch? Basically, this is the slippery slope argument & is commonly used in legal argument. It is VALID and basically says "Give people an inch & they'll take a yard. Then they take more & more until you're living in total absurdity."

She claims "Oh, I didn't say THAT & I'm not going to respond b/c you didn't bother to READ my posts." I pointed out that it's not my task to try & read her mind as to her intentions, that I have better things to do than read every statement she's ever made on the issue & I believe I even said I don't debate with morons.

Plus, you try that in court & see what a judge says. The judge isn't going to try & read your mind. You have to be fucking CLEAR & PRECISE. If you can't do that, don't debate an attorney.

Then, I didn't read this whole comment but I saw one of those Facebook previews where apparently some member of this pro-woman's group thought I was going to care about being "rude" and was going to cave to this spineless dumb ass who wanted to play armchair lawyer & lost. Hell, no! If you can't stand by your words, don't waste my time.

Before that, I was reading last week's Dear Prudence letters on Slate.com & one of them led to some discussion with yet another armchair lawyer.

The first one generated a lot of debate. I personally think this wife is messed up & the guy should leave immediately since she obviously has severe mental issues and is not capable of that type of love.

However, there came up the discussion of the definition of rape. A guy who claimed to be a criminal law attorney chimed in & was correcting some people on what the law says. This one poster with a female screen name (because you never know gender for sure online) proceeds to get into a war of personal attacks & claims her arguments are more valid than this lawyer's. She then says "we aren't in the courtroom" but yet, she wants to debate a lawyer.

Okay, bitch. If you want your arguments to be regarded & valid to a lawyer, you need to do better than "we're not in the courtroom" to weasel out of a serious debate. You also need to not whine about how the lawyer is ignoring the bullshit spewing from your keyboard. Try making INTELLIGENT arguments & not expecting strangers to read your mind.

Doctors, I'm sure you see this often. Armchair assholes trying to tell you how to do your job & claiming they have more knowledge than you on a particular drug & what certain symptoms mean.

Well, armchair lawyers, psychologists, doctors, any other occupation that requires a professional license: If you want any of us who actually have the training & license to give a shit about what you say, why don't you get off your ass & go GET the education? How about YOU go to law school, take the bar exam and get licensed if you want to be a lawyer? Maybe you could also go to prison & self-teach in the prison law library. I don't notice jailhouse lawyers doing this sort of thing online.

Too hard for you? Well, then shut the fuck up when you can't do something right. If you can't debate properly, shut your damn mouth! Don't spout garbage & then try to weasel out of it by saying "we're not in court" or "you didn't read EVERY little thing I've ever written on the topic." I actually did read that dumb ass's earlier remarks in that topic & she was pretty consistent on calling for the massive privacy invasions and taking away the need for conceal carry permits. She also had Lisa Simpson as her profile picture & Lisa Simpson's character also annoys the hell out of me so maybe I should have taken that as a sign.

I do not play armchair professional or talk on topics I have no knowledge of. I'm not a criminal law attorney so that whole rape argument wasn't my place, even if I felt inclined to have a log in to comment on that article.

That some of the people who make some of these comments actually exist and live on this planet scares me. I also feel happy to have successfully sheltered myself from that kind of idiocy. At least my mother knows better than to try debating a lawyer unlike these armchair lawyers. That knowledge should scare you as well.

It's probably better for society & mankind that I do shelter myself from that stuff since I would totally annihilate someone for doing that in real life. I'd also be trying to get the person blackballed among attorneys since even lawyers I don't like don't need that kind of aggravation. Plus, I'd rather they not snap & kill us all from the sheer stress the armchair lawyer causes.

Political Contributions: A Nice Gesture or Payola?

My general take on politics is no big secret if you actually read this blog. If you haven't, my basic attitude is that it's all bullshit & even if I were in charge, there would still be corruption and garbage going on. I also had some rather intimate experiences in the world of politics and despite being told I ought to run for office, I think I'm just too ethical myself for the task. You know people would bitch & moan about me being A) childfree, B) not being some devout God bothering asshole & C) the owner of an independent mind with my own point of view.

One of those experiences dealing with the intimacy of politics is a judicial campaign. A judge I do not know personally, who has taken zero personal interest in my life either got or decided to add my private e-mail address to her campaign mailing list (likely because of being on the same bar association committee as me). The very first event I got invited to as part of this campaign was for a meet & greet where the "suggested contribution" was $1,000.

Now, I have no general problem with people doing fundraising. Indie film people have to do fundraising all the time, either through getting investors or launching campaigns on Kickstarter or IndieGoGo. They give you different incentives depending on what you can contribute. Generally, the discussion in those fundraising efforts is "give if you can & if you choose to do so, give what you can." They don't take on the attitude that you are worthless if you can't give a "suggested donation/contribution."

Friends of mine are also in local political office or ran for it. I remember them mentioning their campaigns on Facebook. One even ran for NC State Senate. They managed to incorporate news of their campaigns and ask for money without being irritating about it. They also told you what they'd done specifically and where they stood on specific issues to convince one to donate to their campaigns.

So, I'm aware that politicians have to get money from somewhere since the government refuses to enact any true campaign finance reform and make it fair for all people to run for office in a viable manner, not just those born to money. Yep, I think Citizens United is a stupid precedent & should be tossed post haste though I actually studied it in my Supreme Court Symposium class and have more understanding of it than your average person.

However, I think some distinctions on this are in order:

1. None of my friends who had campaigns e-mailed me about it. We're talking about my friends. This was a total stranger who sent me an e-mail about the event.

Announcing a campaign on your Facebook page is not the same as sending me a direct e-mail on it.

2. My friends didn't have "suggested contributions" and if they had, I guarantee it wouldn't have been $1,000. Everyone I've told about this suggestion (including someone who works in government) thought it was tacky, distasteful and unreasonable.

You should know that I wouldn't give $1,000 to anyone without justification, not even a family member & probably not even if $1,000 became like $10 to me. I have also never made a political contribution to anyone & if you want one, you'd better really wow me + take an interest in my life, events, etc. If I feel you're just patronizing me & don't really care about my concerns, I'm not going to bother.

3. I know my friends would actually listen to what I have to say without me giving them a dime for political campaigns. They would actually take me seriously if I made a point & give me credit for it. This judge didn't give me that sense based on all this lack of personal e-mails and conversations with campaign reps.

Telling me that my voice means nothing to you unless I give you money sounds an awful lot like payola to me. Remember payola? It was when radio stations were paid to play songs by particular artists, translating into those songs becoming popular, going up the charts, etc. It was a huge scandal.

Now, that's not to say it doesn't happen today (I really have no personal knowledge of if it does or doesn't) but we're talking about public servants here. You know, people who are supposed to be serving EVERYBODY regardless of their campaign contribution to the election or how much money they have.

Radio station owners, at least, are not under public duties to serve people. They have no high moral ideals they're supposed to be meeting in playing or not playing a particular songs. Politicians and other elected officials are a different story. They're supposed to be held to much higher standards.

If they aren't, why does anyone give a damn if a politician cheats on his wife, propositions little boys or goes to a hooker? If we're allowing payola here, shouldn't we just admit that politicians aren't held to any standards of decency or public conduct? I don't consider being forced to purchase equal rights or rational thought from someone a decent act. I'd rather be represented by the adulterer or patron of hookers.

Even the pedophile would be better than the "buy my advocacy" candidate & I think pedophiles deserve what they get in public outrage & vigilante justice.

In response to this suggestion, I wrote back telling this person they were barking up the wrong tree considering what I & my husband do for a living. I also explained that I would likely never appear before this judge & without knowing anything about this person, I'm not handing over a dime much less an amount that would impose a hardship on my household.

A rep from the campaign then contacted me and said she'd send me info on more affordable events (this meaning the minimum contribution was $100, which is still excessive to me). I then get an e-mail recently on events (including one the same day that I saw after getting home from work). The only event that worked with my schedule was the make-up of the $1,000 contribution one. It turns out someone I knew was a host at the event so I asked her about this contribution thing, making the same points I'd made before on cost & the fact that my husband gets a say in such things as well so no way am I paying a dime without an opportunity to meet the person myself and form my own opinions.

I heard nothing back so I decided it was not worth me taking off work early to attend.

So, basically I have a real problem with the idea that my voice is only worth whatever extortion money you collect from me. I'm not going to vote for someone who expects me to hand them money to do a damn thing to benefit me. What the hell is the point? Hence, my extreme cynicism over politics.

I'll tell you right now that my company has never treated fans who didn't give to a campaign or who had less money like garbage while reserving the good treatment for investors. I wouldn't let them, either. That's classism at its core & acting that way proves to me you have zero class. Funny, I'm not even running for public office & I conduct myself that way. Why can't this person or other politicians?

What really irks me is groups like Move On or People for the American Way. I'll sign some of their petitions (if I agree with the issue) but I took my e-mail off PFAW's list after this insulting e-mail I got (complete with tons of links):

"Dear M,

It appears that the most unlikely name of all may now be supporting Mitt Romney for president:

M T (the name I used on these sites)


Please give me a moment to explain.

Thanks to the Citizens United decision, corporations now have the same free speech rights as people when it comes to spending money on America's elections. Every time you pay your bills, buy gas, food, or any other everyday item, some of that money is going directly into Mitt Romney's campaign budget.

That is why it is so important that you renew your PFAW membership.

If PFAW loses someone as committed to the American Way as you are M -- to someone like Mitt Romney -- either directly or simply by your inaction ... our civil rights and liberties as Americans will be absolutely devastated.

Please become one of the 7,987 newly renewed members we need standing with us this election year against the Radical Right. You already know what Romney's extreme right agenda would include --

Advancing the War on Women -- defunding family planning, denying access to basic birth control, and criminalizing reproductive choices.
Packing the Supreme Court with justices like Robert Bork -- who Mitt Romney named to co-chair his presidential advisory committee on law, the Constitution and the judiciary.
Privatizing Social Security and devastating Medicaid.
Slashing federal safeguards for the environment, energy and education.

We need the renewed support of 7,987 members by October 2012, so please make an urgent renewal contribution today.

With just a few months left before Election Day, we can’t take ANY chances! Republican extremist and anti-Union Governor Scott Walker’s victory in Wisconsin showed the impact of the Right’s big (and early) money advantage. And that’s exactly why your renewed support is needed more than ever before!

We need to pull out all the stops to defeat Romney and his radical right agenda RIGHT NOW! There isn’t much time left! It is imperative that we -

* Organize progressive voters and get them to the polls on Election Day. Get-out-the-vote efforts were essential to our victories in 2006 and 2008, and will be again in 2012.
* Fight the outrageous lies being propagated by the Republicans and the Tea Partiers to build unfounded fear and resentment for President Obama and Democrats in Congress.
* Buy airtime and advertisements on television, radio and the internet. We also need funding for phone banking and mail efforts to reach voters directly.
* Put “boots-on-the-ground.” People For the American Way is placing staff members in key districts to best coordinate our forces.

All this takes resources -- which is why PFAW needs you to renew your 2012 support immediately. Because if the unthinkable happens, we will only have ourselves to blame for not doing even more to prevent it. Please renew today!

Sincerely,
Michael B. Keegan signature
Michael Keegan, President"

The subject was: M, thank you for your support of the Romney campaign

I took my name off their mailing list right away & wouldn't do crap for these people. Newsflash: when all your e-mails or even over 50% of them are "give me $," you're wasting your time & pissing me off. This pissed me off on a nuclear level. I felt it was inflammatory. Pissing me off isn't going to inspire me to help you; it will most likely inspire me to tell you to go fuck yourself.

When I don't know who the hell you are, you have made zero effort to listen to what I have to say & never bothered responding if I complain about something you are wasting your time. If I gave $ to everyone who asked, I'd be flat broke as most everyone else would be.

Accessibility is very important to me & I strongly believe that politicians for the most part are anything but (certainly most people running for office can be included here). When I'm only getting form letters from your office & you merely condescend to me, I'm not going to care about what you do & I will go out of my way NOT to do anything that might remotely benefit you.

Just so you know, I'm not some little peon you can spit on; I have a comparable education and experience to you so probably better for you not to fuck with me. 'Kay? (imagine the head turn of Dr. Hutchison from Rocko's Modern Life as you read this)

DNA Doesn't Make You Family

I probably learned this at a very young age after seeing some of what I did. I saw total bullshit happening in the name of "love" and "family members" (you know the people who are supposed to be your unconditional supporters in life) treating people worse than strangers on the street.

Add this to the dysfunctional marriages I saw and you've got some basis for my heavy cynicism.

You'll probably notice that I don't talk so much about my extended family or relatives. There's good reason for that. Are you ready?

So, apparently Southern families are soap opera like. I wasn't really aware of this until a law school classmate told me; I asked a fellow Southerner about it today & he confirmed this. But seriously? My family is probably higher on that soap opera scale than average, even though we don't have a Stefano DiMerra figure (he implanted microchips in people's brains, fathered most of Salem, kidnapped Marlena Evans about a hundred times & basically did so much meddling into people's lives that my mother once said if he, Vivian Alamain & one other Days of Our Lives character were real people, they could singlehandedly take out foreign combatants).

Shall we start with my mother's side or my father's? I guess we'll go with my father's. To start with, my father's family was dysfunctional long before it was cool or hip (we're talking the days of I Love Lucy here). He had this stepfather that was abusive & even tried putting the moves on my mother when she & my dad were engaged; they called him "Mr. [His last name]". His recently departed brother (I can't say "dearly" since he was an ass & no one really liked him) was a creeper pedophile (as I learned more recently, which explains why we didn't really hang out with him). I feel like I got lucky with my father even though living in that family was no bowl of cherries. I'm also not sure I'm cool with the fact that apparently my parents provided aid & comfort to this creeper when the snakes were striking, so to speak. I addressed this issue in an earlier post; if you read it, you'll understand where I'm going here.

Second, I can't prove this but my paternal grandmother was allegedly Miss Atlanta GA; if we're going based on looks, it could very well be true but I don't know her first name or her maiden name so I have no way to verify it. In fact, they really don't have a family tree or other relatives I've heard of except a great aunt they were close to that died when I was younger. This grandmother, like most of my grandparents, died before I was born.

It feels like I'm adopted in some ways with this whole shroud of mystery here. It gets better, though.

My mother doesn't talk to pretty much any relative except my uncle (her brother). Factions of that family fought over money left by a distant relative some years back. When we were much younger, we saw some of those relatives but as we got to middle school & onward they vanished without a trace. No one made efforts to contact us or keep up with us. They do have a family tree, though.

Now, they are all curious on everyone's business but they never ask with legitimate concern. It is apparently more like an inquisition & having gossip fodder. I should mention both sides of my family have a healthy assortment of gossips & hateful assholes. Yes, I know this is not uncommon but I thought the whole ceasing of contact had to do with physical abuse or something horrifying like that.

Our basic attitude here is the same as mine on life in general: I'm not going to follow you around seeking your approval or favor like a little puppy nipping at your ankles. You want to be around? Make a fucking effort! Otherwise, don't whine about it when you do nothing to make an effort.

I could pass a relative of mine on the street & wouldn't know it. Doesn't this sound like a soap opera already?

One hazard of working in this industry, especially if you're an actor, writer, director or anyone else who's more out in front: long lost family & friends will try contacting you for favors.

I've been prepared for that possibility for some time since I kind of have to have an online presence for the sake of business. I also know what trajectory I'm going on & as a consequence, it's just bound to happen sometime.

Sometime became Tuesday. I go check my e-mail in the morning as I do every morning before I start working & I find a cousin I've not seen since I was 7 has written me a message through my website to then ask about why my mother won't talk to them.

Gee, did I wake up & become my mother all of a sudden? Did I end up back in NC & inhabit her body sometime? Last I checked, I was a separate entity.

That window of time when I'll bother to give someone any benefit of the doubt on not seeking special favors is rapidly shrinking; I suppose it already shrank from going to law school & leaving the South but it's definitely gotten smaller than it was even 2 years ago.

I check a different e-mail account to find this cousin also wrote me the same message through Avvo.

That evening, when I've decided how I'm going to handle this I see this cousin has sent me a Facebook friend request & has no public details on her profile to give me an idea of what sort of person I'm dealing with. Nor do I have any way to respond through Facebook.

Another fact about my mom's side of the family: there are a lot of Christians in it. Some of whom are probably part of that lunatic fundie fringe that's intolerant & quoting Bible verses at you constantly while breaking most of the commandments. I'm not so certain they'd accept me for me.

I thought "Oh no she didn't!" Because her messages to me said she'd done "research" on me, I decided to point that out in my response. I also addressed what an aunt of mine said concerning my plans to live in NY state; she had claimed I was following the guy I was dating at the time (Vampire Boy) instead of having a real interest in it. Jesus, people who'd spent a few hours around me knew I had no interest in living in the South. An aunt on my dad's side I didn't spend a ton of time with even told my mother that she wasn't surprised about what I did in my adult life & where I'd moved to. She's also dead now.

I figure if that aunt knew, it should be as plain as day to anyone else. Total strangers down there knew how miserable I was living there; it was obvious & I made no secret of that fact.

In writing this message, I figured I'd treat this relative just as I'd treat a total stranger who sent me a Facebook friend request & provided no explanation or reason why I should care about connecting with them, especially on a personal social media site like Facebook. I get those kinds of requests fairly often on various social media platforms so I'm pretty direct about it.

My mother said I didn't have to be offensive & all to this relative. I said "You're assuming I care what this woman thinks. I really don't." She seems to forget I'm the woman who's known as "the enforcer," the person who'll tell you right to your face if you're crossing a line or doing something that offends me. I've got a rep to maintain, you know?

My thought is regardless of my approach, it's a win for me. I also stated that if you want to have space in my life, you'll have to accept me for who I am without trying to "save," convert or badger me about my life choices (all of them, not just the ones you like such as my super heterosexuality) as well as accept my spouse, who is not going to become a God bothering asshole.

I further stated that my mother was an adult & she could speak to her directly on that issue but that I would not be a conduit of information and would not be violating her personal privacy since she's not violated mine. I presume she would not be selling me out to some tabloid or exploiting my friends/harassing my contacts. I know she wouldn't bother celebrities since she's got no interest in such matters.

So, I'm giving this relative a week. Regardless of what happens, it's a win in my book. If she's all offended, then I won't have to worry about them bothering me. Really not worth your time to deal with me if you offend easily anyway. If not, maybe we can have a serious discussion here & lay our cards out on the table. See if there's going to be acceptance. I even put in some light profanity after pointing out that I do curse & have earned that right since I live in NYC and am an adult. Would you rather I curse or repress all that to then snap one day & shoot innocent people in a bank like that day trader did in Atlanta shortly before I moved there? I've asked my mother this question anytime she complains about me cursing out some dumbass driver in a fit of road rage while I drive.

At this point, I'm not in the mood to grovel for anyone's approval & see no reason to do it when it comes to who I am as a person. No acceptance means why bother in my book.

Just remember that your family is the one you create for yourself, not the one you're born into.

Oh, and 50 Shades of Grey is total porn but if you want honesty in some of the terms you should read the sex stories in Playboy or urban fiction (according to a librarian I know, wink wink). They spell out the male & female private parts in the characters' sexual experiences. That leads into another rant but since I'm sleepy, I'll save it for another day. Just know that my husband was right when he said this book is porn. Not that this is a bad thing; I'm just stating facts. More thoughts on this later. I have to actually finish it first.

How to Ask Lawyers for Legal Help (Or For Professional Services in General)

Those of you who are lawyers are bound to appreciate this. In fact, anyone who's constantly being bombarded with expertise requests where strangers ask for freebies are going to love this one.

If you remember, I'd pretty much not bothered with doing much legal representation since some very horrible experiences with clients taking advantage of me by not paying me for my services & treating me with disrespect. Other people just went MIA but they're not part of this discussion. Those things I mentioned are huge in creating ill will & making a lawyer really hate the general public.

Very recently, I found myself the recipient of referrals & requests on legal stuff. I even read this article that discusses why attorneys shouldn't be working for free, even in this bad economy. Before that, I was talking to an acclaimed acting coach who's worked with celebrities & we got into this very conversation about people asking for freebies.

Let's make a few things clear right off the bat:

1. My legal expertise is a personal thing connected to ME, the person. I don't work at a law firm or own one so if you want me to do you a personal favor, you'd better be taking a personal interest in ME.

How can you do this? You could follow me on Twitter (or at least follow me back if I follow you, which rarely happens; otherwise, I get pissed since that's a form of disrespect in my book & I don't reach out to just anyone there). You could send me a LinkedIn connection request. Even though I don't prefer this, you could even send me a Facebook friend request.

You could also read this blog. In fact, I strongly encourage people wishing to network with me to read this blog since it will tell you whether I'm the right fit for you. If my having a personality & not judging others is an issue for you, I'd rather you not waste my time. If my having a backbone & a sense of ethics bothers you, you definitely don't need to be dealing with me. Trust me, it will save you a lot of time & headaches.

Making that personal effort is going to make me far more motivated to bother caring about your issue or helping you. When you don't do this, I've got zero motivation to care about you or your issues.

2. Do not ask for a freebie in someone's area of expertise (mine included). Unless you fall into one of the following categories, you will piss off any professional for doing so:

A) You're in a networking group with the professional where the professional has made a choice to help you. I myself don't mind doing this sort of thing for entertainment colleagues since I'm choosing to help or not.

B) You're participating in a volunteer project I'm part of. Attorneys have no problems with clients in an organization or program they've signed up to help people in. Most people pick causes they personally care about or have a connection to, though the fact that NY is going to impose a 50 hour minimum pro bono requirement as part of the admission process may very well change this.

I'd like to think, though that most attorneys doing those programs actually care about the people that come in. If they don't, they are pretty stupid & too masochistic for their own goods.

C) You're friends with that professional & not asking for something labor intensive or that takes up lots of time. Real friends don't take advantage that way. If you'd not be willing to do the professional equivalent for that friend, don't ask that of your friend. It will build resentment.

3. Don't make it personal. Attorneys in particular have strict rules & professional ethics requirements. We have to tell you that we're not your lawyer w/out a retainer agreement; we also have to put things in writing. If you don't like that, you're not capable of working with a professional & treating that person with respect. These are standard to my industry.

Any smart freelancer also puts their business transactions with clients in writing.

4. Be an adult. That means listening to what a professional has to say, thinking about what you're told & giving the person room to apply their expertise.

Some people will be collaborative with you & involve you (which I personally think is a good idea & like doing myself) but while you may be involved, that doesn't make you more skilled than the attorney. One experience prompted me not to represent anyone who thinks they're an attorney b/c they've had legal training that wasn't law school.

This also means treating the professional as you'd like to be treated. Would you want me undermining you or leaving you to hold the bag if I asked you about something? Want me to question your expertise at every turn? If that's not something you'd want one of your clients doing to you, then maybe you shouldn't be doing that to the lawyer (or whatever professional you're dealing with).

Attorneys in particular have been burned out by this mess. Your altruism & sense of compassion fades real quick after you get a client or two doing those sorts of things to you. If you think this doesn't happen, go talk to some attorneys & you'll get an education.

5. Finally, if you have another attorney involved in your company & you're using me so you don't have to pay his/her prices don't even bother unless you're offering equity and/or an in-house or junior attorney title. It's just offensive, insulting & creates confusion. If that attorney's not supervising me & is listed as "in-house counsel," then why am I present?

A newbie might be okay with "getting experience" but professionals don't need to do that so free work is nothing but slavery to them. Keep in mind that even new attorneys have a market value that's not $0.

If you remember nothing else from this, remember this: Don't ask professionals for freebies!

I also can't offer referrals to my attorney contacts if you want a freebie. If you genuinely can't afford legal services, then you either have to take what you can get (which may be a new attorney who is learning your area), go to a volunteer organization or do it yourself. Long time vets can offer to work with you or do a freebie but if you walk in asking them for one, they will get offended.

Attorneys & anyone with a high level skill aren't minimum wage workers. They are not slinging burgers or doing simple tasks a child could do. They are using professional expertise, likely acquired through tons of student loan debt & may have to pay a fortune to keep licenses. If you wouldn't pay your doctor the same rate you'd pay a Wal-Mart cashier, then you'd better not be doing that to a lawyer. I don't care how much you hate lawyers.