Here's some truth: I watched a lot of "Jem" as a kid. Yes, I was and in some ways still am a girly girl (after all, I am a model in NYC). For those of you unfamiliar with it, here's a link to help you. While many parts of "Jem" were very unrealistic, there is something to be said about some of the writing & why it would actually be a good program to let a little girl watch.
First off, Jerrica and her friends were your classic underdogs. Jerrica & Kimber's father has died, they're left with little money and they have the evil Eric Raymond (who's an attorney and music company executive; was this foreshadowing you may ask yourself) to contend with. They epitomize good and kindness in the world even though you have Aja and Shanna to balance out some of that since they were more critical and cynical in their outlook on life than our own Jerrica/Jem. Poor Jerrica and her friends and their Starlight girls go through all kinds of bad stuff at the hands of The Misfits (the "evil" rock group) & Eric Raymond or people they've hired to do their dirty work.
Second, the Starlight girls were older tween/teen girls who'd been orphaned. You didn't see the lead characters taking care of babies or trying to become mothers everywhere you turned. They were enjoying rock star life and caring for the Starlight girls, who weren't really helpless waifs. There was one episode in particular where Kimber was supposed to get married and her friends are telling her not to rush into that choice & really think about if she wanted to do it. They weren't saying "Oh, go off & have babies. That's what you're SUPPOSED to be doing!" Powerful message for a childfree person or a kid who wasn't for the marriage/babies club.
Third, Jerrica and her friends weren't helpless waifs. I feel like Jerrica/Jem managed the perfect balance of self-sufficiency and Southern belle tendencies (though I think they were supposed to be living in CA). Rio got to be her hero but he wasn't ALWAYS helping her out of every stupid little nonsense like you'd see in some damsels in distress. They were fixing cars and doing all kinds of "not ladylike" type things.
I really liked Aja (the Hologram with the blue hair) though I could pull off Kimber easiest (the Hologram with the red hair). Aja was far more cynical, didn't trust that easily and was kind of bad ass in her own way since she knew how to do mechanical tasks. Yes, I wanted blue hair as a kid since I wasn't really happy being a redhead who got bullied and tormented in childhood. I would have loved an Aja doll but never got one.
But I suppose watching it as an adult, the thing I really notice is The Stingers. I was watching the episode where they first show up a few days ago and heard "Take It or Leave It." I feel like that is MY anthem in dealing with all these dudes who apparently resent me for having a personality & independent thoughts that don't align lockstep with theirs. The Stingers are also interesting since you have Jem & the Holograms as the epitome of good & kindness and The Misfits as the epitome of evil & nastiness (though you see some character archs with individual members and even Pizazz later on when confronted with situations that could KILL their rivals or cause further harm to them). The Stingers are more nuanced, Riot in particular.
You find out that Riot had to deal with parental disapproval from his father and strife over his music career. Basically, he and his band had to fight to get where they ended up in the series. I like that this layer of nuance was thrown in & how many of us can relate to having friends and family members who don't understand or respect our passion for entertainment pursuits, be they acting, music, modeling, whatever?
I actually had this guy tell me he was no longer interested in meeting me after speaking with me on politics and felt like I ought to post a link to "Take It or Leave It" on my profile. Heck, I would save myself so much time if I just did stuff like that or announce "Hey, I'm not dealing with your BS considering all the stuff I've gone through to get where I am! You can go pound sand if you think I am."
Shouldn't you hang out with the people who find you awesome as is instead of trying to conform to jerks who don't actually like you for you? I think you should. Embrace the 80s cheese as you watch that clip.
Showing posts with label childfree. Show all posts
Showing posts with label childfree. Show all posts
Saturday, December 9, 2017
Sunday, November 12, 2017
The Surreal Adventures of The Angry Redheaded Lawyer: "The Fight" by Jonathan Leaf at The Storm Theater Company
Jonathan Leaf's “The Fight” takes us on a journey with one Caitlin Schultz (Laura Bozzone) who is writing a doctoral thesis and a book on the feminist movement, particularly second wave feminism. She is seeking the answer to the question “What happened in Houston?” Doris Margolies (Judith Hawking) was all set to become the leader of the National Women's Political Caucus when suddenly, votes cast for her were simply not counted. Doris contends that Phyllis Feinberg (Fleur Alys Dobbins) along with a number of other women in the movement such as Bella Abzug were trying to kick her out of the feminist movement while Phyllis considers Doris a crazy, paranoid woman out of touch with the movement's brand of feminism. Per Caitlin, this is a story that hasn't been told and Caitlin is anxious to learn it. As we go on this journey alongside Caitlin with the narration of Doris and Phyllis, various parallels to the 2016 DNC primaries (the Sanders situation in particular) and the nuances of feminism (classic vs. third wave feminism) presented themselves.
Doris and Phyllis are formidable women in their own spheres, with Doris as our humorous straight shooter who lays it right out there contrasting with Phyllis's smooth, refined, cool subtlety. Doris considers Phyllis a hypocrite as well as a “phony” in her feminism since Phyllis had an abortion when she was young and solicited her millionaire boyfriend to save her women's magazine when it was in financial trouble. Phyllis is also the “fashionable” one and presumably better looking.
Meanwhile, Phyllis sees Doris as a stodgy, loud and out of touch liability to the feminist movement due to Doris's hostility towards lesbians, refusal to talk about minorities or welfare, continuing in a physically abusive marriage and elevating motherhood while looking down on women like Phyllis for shunning motherhood/traditional marriage. Caitlin herself seems caught in the middle as she reveals that she herself had some same sex relationships to Doris.
Fleur Alys Dobbins, Laura Bozzone & Judith Hawking. Photo Credit: Michael Abrams
However, Doris doesn't belittle or insult Caitlin for this as she says she was never against lesbians or bisexuals but simply wanted the movement to be mainstream vs. a fringe movement nobody cared about due to societal attitudes in those days about gays and lesbians. She also reveals being uncomfortable around lesbians in that time, presumably because of being a traditionalist and not accustomed to that population.
Doris explains to Caitlin why Phyllis is the way she is and Phyllis eventually tells Caitlin just what happened in Houston.
Both Doris and Phyllis were very well developed, complex characters whom I could see a little of myself in: Doris for her admission of hitting her abusive husband back when he hit her and Phyllis for her fear of having a family due to the wreckage of her home life caused by her mother's mental condition. Their relationship felt like the typical clash of women where the traditional homemakers are battling against the career minded, the attractive are battling against the average or ugly, the mothers are battling against the childfree, etc. It was complicated and littered with shades of gray; they weren't friends or enemies or frenemies. Perhaps there is no one word description to describe the relationship between Doris and Phyllis.
Fleur Alys Dobbins & Judith Hawking. Photo Credit: Michael Abrams
I had an interesting time trying to locate Grand Hall; a kind Asian guy outside the church where the theater is located directed me on how to get in (which I likely wouldn't have figured out without help since there is some maneuvering to get there). Once I did & learned that I was indeed in the right place, I discovered a space that was wonderful. It reminded me of a field trip I took to the Stevens Center in middle school. It was a space that was devoid of pretension but still very professional. It felt like a historic venue with character and intimacy where the acoustics were great, a space tucked away from the hustle and bustle of the NYC streets. The intermission and pre-show soundtrack was very fitting and clever in it's presentation (a series of girl power and 60's girl group anthems).
The costuming was wonderful, especially when Doris and Phyllis led us on scenes taking place in the past. It was impressive how Ms. Dobbins in particular looked so young when she was speaking with Stanley (Matthew Provenza) about her pregnancy. She absolutely conveyed youthfulness in that scene.
Fleur Alys Dobbins & Matthew Provenza. Photo Credit: Michael Abrams
Our male characters (Mr. Provenza and Mark Quiles), consisting of various male figures in the lives of Doris and Phyllis were also good in their roles but the absolute standouts here were the ladies as this was their story.
You could also feel Caitlin's discomfort at times when she was interviewing Doris. It felt like Doris was poking into places Caitlin didn't exactly feel comfortable going to such as her revelation of prior lesbian relationships.
Of course, I can't convey enough praise for Ms. Hawking who played Doris. She definitely had an appeal and empathy from the audience with a lot of laughter after her lines.
This show, without question, is relevant to our times and perhaps even more relevant in light of the recent sex scandals concerning Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey, et. al. I personally deal with plenty of those issues in my career and have had to block my fair share of cretins who seem to think this model is a bimbo who is clueless as to her legal rights or when someone is not interested in a business discussion. Jonathan Leaf conveys the nuances of female relationships and this experience of feminism in a truthful, engaging and enlightening way. I highly recommend this show and this venue.
Doris and Phyllis are formidable women in their own spheres, with Doris as our humorous straight shooter who lays it right out there contrasting with Phyllis's smooth, refined, cool subtlety. Doris considers Phyllis a hypocrite as well as a “phony” in her feminism since Phyllis had an abortion when she was young and solicited her millionaire boyfriend to save her women's magazine when it was in financial trouble. Phyllis is also the “fashionable” one and presumably better looking.
Meanwhile, Phyllis sees Doris as a stodgy, loud and out of touch liability to the feminist movement due to Doris's hostility towards lesbians, refusal to talk about minorities or welfare, continuing in a physically abusive marriage and elevating motherhood while looking down on women like Phyllis for shunning motherhood/traditional marriage. Caitlin herself seems caught in the middle as she reveals that she herself had some same sex relationships to Doris.
However, Doris doesn't belittle or insult Caitlin for this as she says she was never against lesbians or bisexuals but simply wanted the movement to be mainstream vs. a fringe movement nobody cared about due to societal attitudes in those days about gays and lesbians. She also reveals being uncomfortable around lesbians in that time, presumably because of being a traditionalist and not accustomed to that population.
Doris explains to Caitlin why Phyllis is the way she is and Phyllis eventually tells Caitlin just what happened in Houston.
Both Doris and Phyllis were very well developed, complex characters whom I could see a little of myself in: Doris for her admission of hitting her abusive husband back when he hit her and Phyllis for her fear of having a family due to the wreckage of her home life caused by her mother's mental condition. Their relationship felt like the typical clash of women where the traditional homemakers are battling against the career minded, the attractive are battling against the average or ugly, the mothers are battling against the childfree, etc. It was complicated and littered with shades of gray; they weren't friends or enemies or frenemies. Perhaps there is no one word description to describe the relationship between Doris and Phyllis.
I had an interesting time trying to locate Grand Hall; a kind Asian guy outside the church where the theater is located directed me on how to get in (which I likely wouldn't have figured out without help since there is some maneuvering to get there). Once I did & learned that I was indeed in the right place, I discovered a space that was wonderful. It reminded me of a field trip I took to the Stevens Center in middle school. It was a space that was devoid of pretension but still very professional. It felt like a historic venue with character and intimacy where the acoustics were great, a space tucked away from the hustle and bustle of the NYC streets. The intermission and pre-show soundtrack was very fitting and clever in it's presentation (a series of girl power and 60's girl group anthems).
The costuming was wonderful, especially when Doris and Phyllis led us on scenes taking place in the past. It was impressive how Ms. Dobbins in particular looked so young when she was speaking with Stanley (Matthew Provenza) about her pregnancy. She absolutely conveyed youthfulness in that scene.
Our male characters (Mr. Provenza and Mark Quiles), consisting of various male figures in the lives of Doris and Phyllis were also good in their roles but the absolute standouts here were the ladies as this was their story.
You could also feel Caitlin's discomfort at times when she was interviewing Doris. It felt like Doris was poking into places Caitlin didn't exactly feel comfortable going to such as her revelation of prior lesbian relationships.
Of course, I can't convey enough praise for Ms. Hawking who played Doris. She definitely had an appeal and empathy from the audience with a lot of laughter after her lines.
This show, without question, is relevant to our times and perhaps even more relevant in light of the recent sex scandals concerning Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey, et. al. I personally deal with plenty of those issues in my career and have had to block my fair share of cretins who seem to think this model is a bimbo who is clueless as to her legal rights or when someone is not interested in a business discussion. Jonathan Leaf conveys the nuances of female relationships and this experience of feminism in a truthful, engaging and enlightening way. I highly recommend this show and this venue.
Saturday, February 22, 2014
When a Relationship Dies: That Limbo Between Separation and the Finalized Divorce
Have had so much going on lately but just so you haters know, whether you like it or not, you aren't keeping me down. This is nothing compared to the crap I went through before. I'll also challenge any one of you to be in my shoes & see how you manage. One friend told me recently that 9 out of 10 people in my position would have crumbled; I haven't. I also refuse to give certain assholes the satisfaction of any failure or suicide on my part.
Did you ever wake up to find out everything you thought you knew was a total lie? That's what the end of a marriage feels like, especially if you're on the receiving end of "we should get separated."
Due to the pathetic who can't just get a life & because life is far too short to be around anyone who's going to drag you down, I'm not going to get into specifics publicly but let's just say mine's not all that great though it could be much worse. For instance, at least I don't have kids. There may not be a time I've been happier to be childfree & having had a tubal ligation than this one. No kid should have to see what I've seen or go through a divorce. Just like every other relationship I ever had, the end of this one has broken down and gotten ugly.
One can also rest easy in the fact that businesses providing personal services are very familiar with folks getting separated & don't give you issues on splitting the billing and such. I've also found in talking to people that lots of them are either getting divorced themselves, recently got divorced or have been divorced before. I feel like there should be some sort of club or maybe a support group for divorced people. Does that exist, I wonder?
When I heard the words "it's time to get separated" and being told to leave b/c of my income status, my life felt like a movie someone had pressed the Pause button on. You'd better hope if you're on the receiving end that you can be resourceful, have some friends who care & the slightest bit of optimism. I at least have housing to stay in & won't become homeless.
Again, no one & nothing will be knocking me down especially someone who is far less resourceful, emotionally strong or self-sufficient. That's the attitude you have to have if you're going through a divorce; you can't let others win & no matter how much you want to, you have to accept the reality of the situation and move onward. You be a "young heart" running free, okay?
I feel like the men in our family seem to think that because my father is dead, they can treat us like shit & get zero repercussions. Infuriates me but I'll give one of them credit for not finding the things I'm going through remotely acceptable.
Shortly after getting that bombshell dropped on me, I went out to an event & then was going to meet a friend concerning a potential housing prospect. On the way to catch my train, had a guy near my age hit on me in the subway station. I even got his phone number. I took that as a sign this divorce is the right move for me at this stage of life. Let's face facts: if your spouse views you as a financial burden, defines your worth as a human being based on the size of the paycheck you bring home & declares you are lazy when you're doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing to win at your career and in life in general while that spouse isn't doing those things (despite being proven wrong by every single successful person & advice website/resource out there), then you are in a bad marriage. That's a "what's the point of being married" type marriage. That's a "life is too short; get the hell out of there" situation. That's an abusive spouse.
Sorry, folks but money doesn't rule my world. It's not the be all, end all for me. There are far more important things to me & if more people got that lesson, the world would be a better place. I value things like friendship, family, integrity, loyalty, self-worth, dignity far more than money. You can't take money with you when you die. Money isn't going to love you or give you emotional support. Losing money isn't nearly as bad as losing your loved ones. I speak from experience here; just ask my mother if she'd rather have money or my father. She herself said she'd much rather have her husband back, despite him having many flaws.
Go talk to all those rich people who are miserable despite never having to worry about finances. There are some & one thing I have learned in my life is the presence of money doesn't = a problem free life. Sometimes, having money means you have more problems since then you have to wonder if people actually like you for yourself or your money. I feel like I'm viewed as a failed meal ticket while I still have total faith in what I do & know with every fiber of my being that I'm the real deal. Some very successful people in the entertainment industry are flat broke, in fact or were after getting mainstream success so further confirmation of my point.
It's kind of funny that I'm about to do what I had planned to do 10 years ago if I hadn't gotten into law school. I was going to move to NYC with $10,000, my car, a few possessions and survive by my wits. Think Nomi Malone in Showgirls after the guy steals her suitcase and she's stuck in the parking lot of the casino with no money. She lucks into getting a place & doesn't do too badly for herself. Not that I'd end up becoming a stripper or a showgirl (especially at this point) but that wasn't someone who sat back and became a victim; she took control of her life & didn't take shit from anyone.
You only get one life & I've always believed in taking risks if your status quo is making you miserable to the point that bad things are going to happen if you don't fix it soon. Death touching me has made me even more adventurous & less amenable to taking shit from others. I also have some inspiring people around me who lift me up, encourage me & would tell me to go for things instead of hiding like a turtle in its shell. Finally, we have to own our own lives. YOU are the one who's going to be miserable if you don't make changes & no one wants to hear you bitch about how bad you've got it when you're taking zero steps to improve things for yourself.
If I've changed, I think it's a change for the better. Anyone who cares about you should want you to have more self-confidence, more belief in yourself & think better of who you are. Modeling has been a help to me & doing shows as well as interacting with that community is one of the things that's kept me going.
So, how do you know when a relationship is dead? I think you know when the other person no longer regards you as a human being, respects your feelings or bothers to listen to what you have to say. I think it's also over if there's only one adult around & if they aren't thinking in terms of "we" but in terms of "me." When it's not "us against the world" but "me against him/her & the world."
Oh, and never, ever stay with someone who puts you last no matter what. No spouse should be putting their family ahead of the other spouse unless that spouse was making up something horrible about a relative like accusing someone of child molestation or rape & there being 100% definitive objective proof (not a lie detector test or the relative's word) that the relative didn't do it. Does anyone have in-laws who aren't total beasts? I'd like to meet that fortunate soul. That reality is a big reason I believe family is what you create, not what you're born into.
Now I've had the marital relationship fail me. At this point, no way would I get married again unless maybe it was an open marriage. I can't do commitment or attachments since it's like I'd be waiting for the other shoe to drop & to get betrayed once again. I sure won't be giving up my independence & the next guy will most likely have to sign a pre-nup.
Is it just me, by the way, or did some of you ladies end up in this situation and find potential suitors line up for you? Just curious. I'd figure this would be the last moment any guy would want to try stepping up to me (particularly if he didn't know me before or harbor some eons old crush; I'm speaking of total strangers here). I'm in an even more bitter & cynical state than I was when I was single. The best you can hope for is me going back to the cynicism & jaded detachment I had when I was single. Yeah, I may be hot & all that but I figure hot can only take you so far. Eventually, you have to talk to a divorced person & I'm familiar with the "bitter divorced guy" trope. I dated a divorced guy in college; he was 14 years older than me. It wasn't a bad relationship but it was a Mr. Right Now thing.
That's where my mind is now. I figure Mr. Right is dead & I ended up with an emotionally abusive person in his place.
If you feel some sympathy or aren't a total douche, you can contribute to a GoFundMe campaign I created as one part of dealing with all this. Link available if you ask nicely.
Did you ever wake up to find out everything you thought you knew was a total lie? That's what the end of a marriage feels like, especially if you're on the receiving end of "we should get separated."
Due to the pathetic who can't just get a life & because life is far too short to be around anyone who's going to drag you down, I'm not going to get into specifics publicly but let's just say mine's not all that great though it could be much worse. For instance, at least I don't have kids. There may not be a time I've been happier to be childfree & having had a tubal ligation than this one. No kid should have to see what I've seen or go through a divorce. Just like every other relationship I ever had, the end of this one has broken down and gotten ugly.
One can also rest easy in the fact that businesses providing personal services are very familiar with folks getting separated & don't give you issues on splitting the billing and such. I've also found in talking to people that lots of them are either getting divorced themselves, recently got divorced or have been divorced before. I feel like there should be some sort of club or maybe a support group for divorced people. Does that exist, I wonder?
When I heard the words "it's time to get separated" and being told to leave b/c of my income status, my life felt like a movie someone had pressed the Pause button on. You'd better hope if you're on the receiving end that you can be resourceful, have some friends who care & the slightest bit of optimism. I at least have housing to stay in & won't become homeless.
Again, no one & nothing will be knocking me down especially someone who is far less resourceful, emotionally strong or self-sufficient. That's the attitude you have to have if you're going through a divorce; you can't let others win & no matter how much you want to, you have to accept the reality of the situation and move onward. You be a "young heart" running free, okay?
I feel like the men in our family seem to think that because my father is dead, they can treat us like shit & get zero repercussions. Infuriates me but I'll give one of them credit for not finding the things I'm going through remotely acceptable.
Shortly after getting that bombshell dropped on me, I went out to an event & then was going to meet a friend concerning a potential housing prospect. On the way to catch my train, had a guy near my age hit on me in the subway station. I even got his phone number. I took that as a sign this divorce is the right move for me at this stage of life. Let's face facts: if your spouse views you as a financial burden, defines your worth as a human being based on the size of the paycheck you bring home & declares you are lazy when you're doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing to win at your career and in life in general while that spouse isn't doing those things (despite being proven wrong by every single successful person & advice website/resource out there), then you are in a bad marriage. That's a "what's the point of being married" type marriage. That's a "life is too short; get the hell out of there" situation. That's an abusive spouse.
Sorry, folks but money doesn't rule my world. It's not the be all, end all for me. There are far more important things to me & if more people got that lesson, the world would be a better place. I value things like friendship, family, integrity, loyalty, self-worth, dignity far more than money. You can't take money with you when you die. Money isn't going to love you or give you emotional support. Losing money isn't nearly as bad as losing your loved ones. I speak from experience here; just ask my mother if she'd rather have money or my father. She herself said she'd much rather have her husband back, despite him having many flaws.
Go talk to all those rich people who are miserable despite never having to worry about finances. There are some & one thing I have learned in my life is the presence of money doesn't = a problem free life. Sometimes, having money means you have more problems since then you have to wonder if people actually like you for yourself or your money. I feel like I'm viewed as a failed meal ticket while I still have total faith in what I do & know with every fiber of my being that I'm the real deal. Some very successful people in the entertainment industry are flat broke, in fact or were after getting mainstream success so further confirmation of my point.
It's kind of funny that I'm about to do what I had planned to do 10 years ago if I hadn't gotten into law school. I was going to move to NYC with $10,000, my car, a few possessions and survive by my wits. Think Nomi Malone in Showgirls after the guy steals her suitcase and she's stuck in the parking lot of the casino with no money. She lucks into getting a place & doesn't do too badly for herself. Not that I'd end up becoming a stripper or a showgirl (especially at this point) but that wasn't someone who sat back and became a victim; she took control of her life & didn't take shit from anyone.
You only get one life & I've always believed in taking risks if your status quo is making you miserable to the point that bad things are going to happen if you don't fix it soon. Death touching me has made me even more adventurous & less amenable to taking shit from others. I also have some inspiring people around me who lift me up, encourage me & would tell me to go for things instead of hiding like a turtle in its shell. Finally, we have to own our own lives. YOU are the one who's going to be miserable if you don't make changes & no one wants to hear you bitch about how bad you've got it when you're taking zero steps to improve things for yourself.
If I've changed, I think it's a change for the better. Anyone who cares about you should want you to have more self-confidence, more belief in yourself & think better of who you are. Modeling has been a help to me & doing shows as well as interacting with that community is one of the things that's kept me going.
So, how do you know when a relationship is dead? I think you know when the other person no longer regards you as a human being, respects your feelings or bothers to listen to what you have to say. I think it's also over if there's only one adult around & if they aren't thinking in terms of "we" but in terms of "me." When it's not "us against the world" but "me against him/her & the world."
Oh, and never, ever stay with someone who puts you last no matter what. No spouse should be putting their family ahead of the other spouse unless that spouse was making up something horrible about a relative like accusing someone of child molestation or rape & there being 100% definitive objective proof (not a lie detector test or the relative's word) that the relative didn't do it. Does anyone have in-laws who aren't total beasts? I'd like to meet that fortunate soul. That reality is a big reason I believe family is what you create, not what you're born into.
Now I've had the marital relationship fail me. At this point, no way would I get married again unless maybe it was an open marriage. I can't do commitment or attachments since it's like I'd be waiting for the other shoe to drop & to get betrayed once again. I sure won't be giving up my independence & the next guy will most likely have to sign a pre-nup.
Is it just me, by the way, or did some of you ladies end up in this situation and find potential suitors line up for you? Just curious. I'd figure this would be the last moment any guy would want to try stepping up to me (particularly if he didn't know me before or harbor some eons old crush; I'm speaking of total strangers here). I'm in an even more bitter & cynical state than I was when I was single. The best you can hope for is me going back to the cynicism & jaded detachment I had when I was single. Yeah, I may be hot & all that but I figure hot can only take you so far. Eventually, you have to talk to a divorced person & I'm familiar with the "bitter divorced guy" trope. I dated a divorced guy in college; he was 14 years older than me. It wasn't a bad relationship but it was a Mr. Right Now thing.
That's where my mind is now. I figure Mr. Right is dead & I ended up with an emotionally abusive person in his place.
If you feel some sympathy or aren't a total douche, you can contribute to a GoFundMe campaign I created as one part of dealing with all this. Link available if you ask nicely.
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
General Musings, Part 32
Another one so soon, you may ask. Well, lots of things have been going on lately in society that I do have some opinions on & I figured this was the best structure to vent. Plus, some of these are based on things I've already mentioned in this blog (for instance, being a sorority member). So, here goes:
First off, further proof that if you have never lived a situation you should shut the hell up about it. Does anyone else find it funny this guy's name is Ron Johnson? In case you don't, I'm thinking of the show A Different World. The character on the show (whose name was Ron Johnson) was a serial playboy who was known for going through women like an alcoholic goes through alcohol until he got some character development in the later seasons. I also fully agree with the author's views & his further advice. Pat responses from idiots get on my last nerve, no matter how well meaning they might intend this "advice" to be. Apparently, he's never been to a middle class area & would get eaten alive in the inner city. Any inner city people want to debate on whether this Ron Johnson would last longer than a day in your area?
The first letter in this Dear Prudence column reminds me of the song "Too Much Too Young" by the Specials. It practically reads like the lyrics of the song: You done too much, much too young. You're married with a kid when you could be having fun with me.
I've said it once & I'll say it again: that song should be the childfree anthem. In fact, The Specials have some great songs. I definitely relate to many of their lyrics like "Racist Friend" & "Rat Race." Plus, there's "A Message to You Rudy." I actually heard "Too Much Too Young" for the first time when my husband & I were watching a season of classic Saturday Night Live on DVD. One lesson to be taken from this letter: if you're not 100% sure you want a kid, don't have one! You can't put it back once it's come out of the birth canal.
Now I didn't read this whole series but I wholeheartedly agree with this point. If the food restriction people aren't acting like assholes, we're cool. Not acting like an asshole means:
1. Not making comments about the food on other people's plates. Such as telling meat eaters about how beastly they are & are killing animals. That's their prerogative, much like it's your prerogative not to eat meat. You don't get to tell me or other grown people what to eat.
2. Not assuming the host knows all about the foods you can & can't eat. I didn't grow up with vegans or people with special religious rites concerned with their food. The South is not a place for such things. I've told people that my food isn't fat free or healthy so if you're looking for that, don't eat my cooking. If you're vegan and coming to my house for a meal, you're going to have to bring your own food or your own ingredients & make something for yourself. I don't mind trying vegan food & if you don't tell my husband it's vegan, you might even get him to eat it.
3. Not assuming I know the first thing about making something you're going to eat that fits your food preferences. See number #2.
4. Not preaching about your diet and how the rest of us are evil, corrupt, selfish, stupid or whatever insult you care to heap upon us mere mortals for not following YOUR regime. Again, your freedom of choice ends with your own stomach & perhaps that of your minor children.
I like the "bring your own food" tradition if YOU have the special diet. Maybe you could end up getting people to try your food if you bring enough as long as you aren't preaching about it all the while.
My husband is a hardcore, unapologetic meat eater. I'm shocked he's not a member of that People Eating Tasty Animals group. He is rather strident toward vegetarians and vegans since he did experience the preachy types before; I'd hope he wouldn't be a jerk to a non-preachy type but I make no guarantees. See why I said you can't tell him something's vegan or meat free if you want him to eat it?
Speaking of the birth canal, the judge's actions here truly pissed me off as a woman and as an attorney. This judge sounds like my late uncle who had a sexual relationship with his 15 year old stepdaughter. He claimed she initiated it. I hope he's being investigated for this since not only does it pervert the whole concept of justice, it tells all young women that they can be raped and adult men will never be held accountable (even if they are in positions of authority over the women in question). I also hope this girl's parents had some words or did something after she killed herself over this; I could see my parents being livid if that had been me or my sister.
Reading this, I thought "Amen & Hallelujah to that!" I've been saying it for years; I'm glad it's not just me. In fact, being someone from NC it's my fervent belief that you are a monster if you subject the general public to a total lack of air conditioning in the summer months unless you live in Antarctica or Alaska where you will never need it. Climate change is here, folks & if the temperature is about 70/75 degrees, you'd better have that air conditioning on or be prepared for bad things to happen. I know how I react to excess heat & people in the South are also known for being more temperamental & violent than folks from the North. This is why I don't perform a job or do anything where I'd be subjected to heat in the summer (such as cooking or working in a small space with no air conditioning). No one needs the lawsuits or my redheaded rage.
This story hit home for me. I found out my sorority does not have a chapter there so I can definitely confirm something I know about it; we have NEVER been a "white" sorority or discriminated in membership based on race. My particular chapter was brand new when I was in it & we were looking for members generally. Being from a minority group would never factor into the equation of whether to extend a bid or not. One sister in particular outright said that if our group did that, she'd report the offending sister to campus officials. After she said that, I said I'd also do the same. Sisterhood is not about what race someone is. Apparently, some people's alumnae don't get that. You have to wonder if those people are total bigots.
I can assure you they couldn't have gotten much from the sorority experience since one of the things I & other girls got from it was interaction with people who had different experiences, personalities, perspectives and so forth from us. Even though our individual sisters weren't clones with the same circumstances, we still had common goals and a common bond through the sorority. Heck, that's what sisterhood is all about if you ask me. That made going to school away from my hometown or high school classmates valuable; I met new people & got a diversity of thought/perspective/what have you. I think diversity should be praised and encouraged in sororities while the membership gets their freedom of choice (for instance, not making the gamers take someone who hates gaming). Are happy mediums no longer a concept anyone grasps?
In one answer to that question, consider this recent action from the French Senate. Honestly, I would be perfectly fine with child pageants where the kids can't wear swimsuits, make-up, high heels, have corporate sponsors & the like such as the "mini-miss" pageant mentioned in the article. I'm sure most parents would be more willing to put their little girls in pageants like that.
Could you imagine how freaked out people would be in America if kids were banned from being in pageants? At least Toddlers & Tiaras would have to go off the air. That might disappoint people I know, though. I was in a high school pageant but never had to wear a swimsuit or put in fake boobies in my dress. I guess we figured the audience went to school with us so they'd know if a girl with an A cup suddenly had a C/D while competing in this pageant.
I think a total ban is a little strong, though.
So that's all the rant I've got in me today. The husband is bugging me to get off the PC (which we criminally need to get fixed ASAP & I'm about to go nuts about). Ciao.
First off, further proof that if you have never lived a situation you should shut the hell up about it. Does anyone else find it funny this guy's name is Ron Johnson? In case you don't, I'm thinking of the show A Different World. The character on the show (whose name was Ron Johnson) was a serial playboy who was known for going through women like an alcoholic goes through alcohol until he got some character development in the later seasons. I also fully agree with the author's views & his further advice. Pat responses from idiots get on my last nerve, no matter how well meaning they might intend this "advice" to be. Apparently, he's never been to a middle class area & would get eaten alive in the inner city. Any inner city people want to debate on whether this Ron Johnson would last longer than a day in your area?
The first letter in this Dear Prudence column reminds me of the song "Too Much Too Young" by the Specials. It practically reads like the lyrics of the song: You done too much, much too young. You're married with a kid when you could be having fun with me.
I've said it once & I'll say it again: that song should be the childfree anthem. In fact, The Specials have some great songs. I definitely relate to many of their lyrics like "Racist Friend" & "Rat Race." Plus, there's "A Message to You Rudy." I actually heard "Too Much Too Young" for the first time when my husband & I were watching a season of classic Saturday Night Live on DVD. One lesson to be taken from this letter: if you're not 100% sure you want a kid, don't have one! You can't put it back once it's come out of the birth canal.
Now I didn't read this whole series but I wholeheartedly agree with this point. If the food restriction people aren't acting like assholes, we're cool. Not acting like an asshole means:
1. Not making comments about the food on other people's plates. Such as telling meat eaters about how beastly they are & are killing animals. That's their prerogative, much like it's your prerogative not to eat meat. You don't get to tell me or other grown people what to eat.
2. Not assuming the host knows all about the foods you can & can't eat. I didn't grow up with vegans or people with special religious rites concerned with their food. The South is not a place for such things. I've told people that my food isn't fat free or healthy so if you're looking for that, don't eat my cooking. If you're vegan and coming to my house for a meal, you're going to have to bring your own food or your own ingredients & make something for yourself. I don't mind trying vegan food & if you don't tell my husband it's vegan, you might even get him to eat it.
3. Not assuming I know the first thing about making something you're going to eat that fits your food preferences. See number #2.
4. Not preaching about your diet and how the rest of us are evil, corrupt, selfish, stupid or whatever insult you care to heap upon us mere mortals for not following YOUR regime. Again, your freedom of choice ends with your own stomach & perhaps that of your minor children.
I like the "bring your own food" tradition if YOU have the special diet. Maybe you could end up getting people to try your food if you bring enough as long as you aren't preaching about it all the while.
My husband is a hardcore, unapologetic meat eater. I'm shocked he's not a member of that People Eating Tasty Animals group. He is rather strident toward vegetarians and vegans since he did experience the preachy types before; I'd hope he wouldn't be a jerk to a non-preachy type but I make no guarantees. See why I said you can't tell him something's vegan or meat free if you want him to eat it?
Speaking of the birth canal, the judge's actions here truly pissed me off as a woman and as an attorney. This judge sounds like my late uncle who had a sexual relationship with his 15 year old stepdaughter. He claimed she initiated it. I hope he's being investigated for this since not only does it pervert the whole concept of justice, it tells all young women that they can be raped and adult men will never be held accountable (even if they are in positions of authority over the women in question). I also hope this girl's parents had some words or did something after she killed herself over this; I could see my parents being livid if that had been me or my sister.
Reading this, I thought "Amen & Hallelujah to that!" I've been saying it for years; I'm glad it's not just me. In fact, being someone from NC it's my fervent belief that you are a monster if you subject the general public to a total lack of air conditioning in the summer months unless you live in Antarctica or Alaska where you will never need it. Climate change is here, folks & if the temperature is about 70/75 degrees, you'd better have that air conditioning on or be prepared for bad things to happen. I know how I react to excess heat & people in the South are also known for being more temperamental & violent than folks from the North. This is why I don't perform a job or do anything where I'd be subjected to heat in the summer (such as cooking or working in a small space with no air conditioning). No one needs the lawsuits or my redheaded rage.
This story hit home for me. I found out my sorority does not have a chapter there so I can definitely confirm something I know about it; we have NEVER been a "white" sorority or discriminated in membership based on race. My particular chapter was brand new when I was in it & we were looking for members generally. Being from a minority group would never factor into the equation of whether to extend a bid or not. One sister in particular outright said that if our group did that, she'd report the offending sister to campus officials. After she said that, I said I'd also do the same. Sisterhood is not about what race someone is. Apparently, some people's alumnae don't get that. You have to wonder if those people are total bigots.
I can assure you they couldn't have gotten much from the sorority experience since one of the things I & other girls got from it was interaction with people who had different experiences, personalities, perspectives and so forth from us. Even though our individual sisters weren't clones with the same circumstances, we still had common goals and a common bond through the sorority. Heck, that's what sisterhood is all about if you ask me. That made going to school away from my hometown or high school classmates valuable; I met new people & got a diversity of thought/perspective/what have you. I think diversity should be praised and encouraged in sororities while the membership gets their freedom of choice (for instance, not making the gamers take someone who hates gaming). Are happy mediums no longer a concept anyone grasps?
In one answer to that question, consider this recent action from the French Senate. Honestly, I would be perfectly fine with child pageants where the kids can't wear swimsuits, make-up, high heels, have corporate sponsors & the like such as the "mini-miss" pageant mentioned in the article. I'm sure most parents would be more willing to put their little girls in pageants like that.
Could you imagine how freaked out people would be in America if kids were banned from being in pageants? At least Toddlers & Tiaras would have to go off the air. That might disappoint people I know, though. I was in a high school pageant but never had to wear a swimsuit or put in fake boobies in my dress. I guess we figured the audience went to school with us so they'd know if a girl with an A cup suddenly had a C/D while competing in this pageant.
I think a total ban is a little strong, though.
So that's all the rant I've got in me today. The husband is bugging me to get off the PC (which we criminally need to get fixed ASAP & I'm about to go nuts about). Ciao.
Friday, June 21, 2013
Severely Delusional People & Why Unconditional Love is a Myth
I'm amazed at the completely delusional nature of some people. For some reason, the last people I'd expect to want to deal with me have been sending me LinkedIn connection requests. One came from someone I filed a lawsuit against in small claims court. In fact, I could have appeared on TV if I'd kept that case going & not gotten my money; I did get a call from The People's Court over it.
Yesterday's was a doozy, though. It came from someone who headed an enterprise I later learned was illegal to engage in in one of the states where I have a law license.
I told the grievance committee of that state the owner's name & offered to give them whatever they wanted to keep this guy from getting another attorney there to violate ethics rules. Why on earth would he want to have me as a LinkedIn connection?
Who does this to people? What would possess you to be a LinkedIn connection with someone who disapproves of you, sued you, or did something heinous to you or your business? I refuse all these since there's that saying "Birds of a feather flock together." Why would I let you be my connection & fuck up MY reputation with your general fuckery?
I'm sure people get these requests on Facebook as well. Again, I ask why. Plus, I'm pretty direct when I don't want to deal with someone. I don't leave that stuff in the air or make you think things could be cool between us someday after the tempest has passed. If you've done something truly awful to me, I'll tell you. I will also tell you that you're dead to me or not to bother contacting me ever again. It takes real effort to make me feel that way but once you do, there's no turning back. My dislike & general hatred on someone who's wronged me is legendary: you can ask around. In fact, I'm so direct with people on that stuff precisely so I don't have to get their Facebook friend request or their LinkedIn connection request. LinkedIn really needs a block button, I swear. Situations like this are why we need block buttons; there are some severely delusional people on this planet.
Today, I actually went to my first 2 social events since my father died. Something told me to go to the second one even though I found out about it hours before the other one. The subway schedule told me to go to that one first so I did. Turned out to be a good move on my part. Did have some good conversations & hopefully will have new contacts from it. Got home really late & I'm sure to be fucking up my sleep before going to the doctor who handles girly parts tomorrow.
I've not had a check-up in years since my last one dropped off the face of the earth, literally. His number was disconnected, his website vanished, all trace of him was gone (which sucked). A childfree person like me doesn't have an easy time getting one & even though I already had a tubal, I don't need anyone foisting the Church of Baby on me. Spare me! I've got a total of 6 nieces & nephews. More kids is the last thing my family needs; I also have zero patience so maybe not such a good idea to tell me about the joys of motherhood & how I'm incomplete as a person unless I breed. I only look at providers in Manhattan since the jerks in my area kept telling me they were going to talk me out of getting a tubal like I was 15 years old; it's weird that there are people in Queens who act like they live in rural Kentucky or something. That bothers me on multiple levels & makes me feel isolated from it.
The office I called was able to see me tomorrow so I was like "Okay." I also got my assurance I wouldn't be getting harassed on that issue. I think if I did, I would have to point out the latest attempts to turn women into barefoot, pregnant baby factories with no brains or ambitions of their own. Sorry but I'd have to kill myself in that world or become a prostitute/comfort girl. I'm sure those who know me could totally see me being a hooker in that society. Maybe I'd become the hooker who killed the biggest offenders of sexism in her off time using creative methods.
So, why is unconditional love a myth? I was telling this to a friend of mine today in describing something personal about me I was pretty sure he didn't know. Not sure if he agreed with me on it but if you disagree, I'm going to break it down for you if you hear me out.
I was telling him of my long established policy of telling any guy who wanted to be serious with me that I wasn't going to relive my childhood of living with an alcoholic & that it would be unfair to ask me to do so. Selfish, cruel, those words could fit as well. If you lived through things in your childhood or a prior relationship, there's no way you'd regress to that experience if you'd fully made it out.
"Unconditional" means you take someone regardless, no matter what. But most of us wouldn't say that means you have to stay with a domestic abuser. Well, living with an alcoholic or a drug dealer would be for me the equivalent of suffering domestic violence except you're living that mentally & emotionally. If you haven't lived it, you can't really grasp what it's like.
To avoid worrying about anyone I cared about becoming an alcoholic, my policy was not to marry a drinker. My mom even told us not to do that & used her own story as proof of what happens if you do. She didn't marry him as an asshole drunk who had blackouts, damaged her property & made her fear for her personal safety. He progressed to that. I live my life with passion & if you're my friend, I care a lot about you. Imagine how I feel about my husband. Luckily, he's not given me that fear.
I think everyone's got a breaking point, an area where they'd say "Enough is enough! I'm out of here." To love unconditionally would be irrational in my book since that means you're taking the domestic abuser for life, you're giving up everything for someone (including your identity, your friends, your interests, anything you hold dear) & you become a doormat. Maybe I'm just not as good a person or am more selfish but I think people shouldn't be condemned or punished for refusing to give up who they are or let their "love" abuse them, whether it's physically, mentally, sexually, whatever. For me, that's not love. It wouldn't be love for me if my husband ignored me on that whole alcohol thing & started acting just like my father did when I was younger.
I tolerated much more from guys I simply dated than anyone I wanted a future with. Drinking wasn't a big deal to me from dates since I didn't have to live with them or deal with shared finances. I also avoided asshole drunks & only went out with social drinkers. A big difference but when you go through something like that, you feel like you've survived a long battle. I definitely did and freedom was (and still is) a huge thing for me. When you haven't had it, you cherish it when you get it.
Find me someone who's got unconditional love for someone & I'll show you how it isn't unconditional. I'd definitely put you in the severely delusional category if you in fact had unconditional love for someone; it would mean you have no personal identity or only have it at your spouse's leisure.
Yesterday's was a doozy, though. It came from someone who headed an enterprise I later learned was illegal to engage in in one of the states where I have a law license.
I told the grievance committee of that state the owner's name & offered to give them whatever they wanted to keep this guy from getting another attorney there to violate ethics rules. Why on earth would he want to have me as a LinkedIn connection?
Who does this to people? What would possess you to be a LinkedIn connection with someone who disapproves of you, sued you, or did something heinous to you or your business? I refuse all these since there's that saying "Birds of a feather flock together." Why would I let you be my connection & fuck up MY reputation with your general fuckery?
I'm sure people get these requests on Facebook as well. Again, I ask why. Plus, I'm pretty direct when I don't want to deal with someone. I don't leave that stuff in the air or make you think things could be cool between us someday after the tempest has passed. If you've done something truly awful to me, I'll tell you. I will also tell you that you're dead to me or not to bother contacting me ever again. It takes real effort to make me feel that way but once you do, there's no turning back. My dislike & general hatred on someone who's wronged me is legendary: you can ask around. In fact, I'm so direct with people on that stuff precisely so I don't have to get their Facebook friend request or their LinkedIn connection request. LinkedIn really needs a block button, I swear. Situations like this are why we need block buttons; there are some severely delusional people on this planet.
Today, I actually went to my first 2 social events since my father died. Something told me to go to the second one even though I found out about it hours before the other one. The subway schedule told me to go to that one first so I did. Turned out to be a good move on my part. Did have some good conversations & hopefully will have new contacts from it. Got home really late & I'm sure to be fucking up my sleep before going to the doctor who handles girly parts tomorrow.
I've not had a check-up in years since my last one dropped off the face of the earth, literally. His number was disconnected, his website vanished, all trace of him was gone (which sucked). A childfree person like me doesn't have an easy time getting one & even though I already had a tubal, I don't need anyone foisting the Church of Baby on me. Spare me! I've got a total of 6 nieces & nephews. More kids is the last thing my family needs; I also have zero patience so maybe not such a good idea to tell me about the joys of motherhood & how I'm incomplete as a person unless I breed. I only look at providers in Manhattan since the jerks in my area kept telling me they were going to talk me out of getting a tubal like I was 15 years old; it's weird that there are people in Queens who act like they live in rural Kentucky or something. That bothers me on multiple levels & makes me feel isolated from it.
The office I called was able to see me tomorrow so I was like "Okay." I also got my assurance I wouldn't be getting harassed on that issue. I think if I did, I would have to point out the latest attempts to turn women into barefoot, pregnant baby factories with no brains or ambitions of their own. Sorry but I'd have to kill myself in that world or become a prostitute/comfort girl. I'm sure those who know me could totally see me being a hooker in that society. Maybe I'd become the hooker who killed the biggest offenders of sexism in her off time using creative methods.
So, why is unconditional love a myth? I was telling this to a friend of mine today in describing something personal about me I was pretty sure he didn't know. Not sure if he agreed with me on it but if you disagree, I'm going to break it down for you if you hear me out.
I was telling him of my long established policy of telling any guy who wanted to be serious with me that I wasn't going to relive my childhood of living with an alcoholic & that it would be unfair to ask me to do so. Selfish, cruel, those words could fit as well. If you lived through things in your childhood or a prior relationship, there's no way you'd regress to that experience if you'd fully made it out.
"Unconditional" means you take someone regardless, no matter what. But most of us wouldn't say that means you have to stay with a domestic abuser. Well, living with an alcoholic or a drug dealer would be for me the equivalent of suffering domestic violence except you're living that mentally & emotionally. If you haven't lived it, you can't really grasp what it's like.
To avoid worrying about anyone I cared about becoming an alcoholic, my policy was not to marry a drinker. My mom even told us not to do that & used her own story as proof of what happens if you do. She didn't marry him as an asshole drunk who had blackouts, damaged her property & made her fear for her personal safety. He progressed to that. I live my life with passion & if you're my friend, I care a lot about you. Imagine how I feel about my husband. Luckily, he's not given me that fear.
I think everyone's got a breaking point, an area where they'd say "Enough is enough! I'm out of here." To love unconditionally would be irrational in my book since that means you're taking the domestic abuser for life, you're giving up everything for someone (including your identity, your friends, your interests, anything you hold dear) & you become a doormat. Maybe I'm just not as good a person or am more selfish but I think people shouldn't be condemned or punished for refusing to give up who they are or let their "love" abuse them, whether it's physically, mentally, sexually, whatever. For me, that's not love. It wouldn't be love for me if my husband ignored me on that whole alcohol thing & started acting just like my father did when I was younger.
I tolerated much more from guys I simply dated than anyone I wanted a future with. Drinking wasn't a big deal to me from dates since I didn't have to live with them or deal with shared finances. I also avoided asshole drunks & only went out with social drinkers. A big difference but when you go through something like that, you feel like you've survived a long battle. I definitely did and freedom was (and still is) a huge thing for me. When you haven't had it, you cherish it when you get it.
Find me someone who's got unconditional love for someone & I'll show you how it isn't unconditional. I'd definitely put you in the severely delusional category if you in fact had unconditional love for someone; it would mean you have no personal identity or only have it at your spouse's leisure.
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Two Types of People That Should Be Protected: The Attractive & The Childfree
Yes, maybe in part I'm saying that since I fit into both categories but the real trigger for protecting attractive people is this story. Apparently, I'd have to be a stripper, work in sales or shave my head if I lived in Iowa since I'd never be able to get any legitimate source of income there.
Who doesn't see some old law firm partner saying similar things to a female associate? I could totally see some associate getting let go from jobs because some partner's wife is an ugly old hag who refuses to do anything about her own marriage or take any personal responsibility. Same for that law partner thinking with the little head instead of the big one he should be using (your brain).
Labor laws aside (which frankly scream sexism to me in this instance & justifying rape against "attractive" women), let's consider the wide ranging impact of such a ruling. If everyone's got free range to do it, where are the attractive people going to work? Are they ALL supposed to move to Hollywood or New York? What if that person doesn't want to be an actress or can't sell things to save his/her life?
Gorgeous doesn't mean DUMB, chuckleheads! Some of us have brain cells in our heads. Some of us have skills. And some of us don't fucking appreciate the slut shaming that's already going on if we dare to show the slightest bit of cleavage or leg if we go out in the evening! We don't know how this woman dressed & as far as anyone knows, she wore business clothing. After all, she worked there for 10 years! If she was dressing like a stripper, I'm pretty sure she'd have been gone in a few months. I didn't read anything about patient complaints about this woman's attire.
This guy also fired this woman at the advice of his pastor AFTER making nasty remarks to her in the workplace. If you told me about my making your pants bulge at work, I'd have to cut off that bulge or threaten to do so in a very vicious manner. I'm sure if I did, you'd not do it again. Rest assured my husband would handle it if some guy said that to me socially, not even in the workplace. Once I get to play my prostitute role (now slated for closer to October), my husband said he's going to hurt any man that acts inappropriately or makes nasty remarks about my attire while I'm doing that show.
Oh, and my husband is not some jealous harpy who'd tell me to fire some guy from my company if he was attractive. He'd never say to me "You have to fire that actor since he's too good looking." If he did, I'd say "Tough shit! You married me, you know I work in the entertainment industry & that actors generally have to be good looking. You've been with me the entire time I've worked in this industry so get over yourself & stop trying to sabotage my career because of your lack of self-esteem."
Did this pastor not think that God gave this woman her looks (which according to some commenters on this story in various places, she's not exactly going to be busting down the doors in Hollywood)? And what about personal responsibility? Why did he not tell this man to keep it in his damn pants? Does he put the moves on the "attractive" patients? I mean, is he holding back daily from raping women he passes walking down the street or driving in the car? Is it women's responsibility to wear burkas everywhere? Are you in Iowa or Afghanistan?
How about telling this bitch wife to do her part in this marriage? You know, have sexual relations with her husband, try new things in bed, talk about things other than the kids, your house, etc.? Or maybe not clinging to this man for dear life & developing some outside interests?
I'm married & as my mother famously told my sister "No one can 'steal' a man from you." That man makes his own choice if he picks some other chick over you. No one's controlling his mind, except maybe his own penis. Whose fault is that? Certainly not some attractive woman! I would never blame someone else for MY failings or frigidness. That's the ultimate in immaturity, laziness & low self-esteem.
Does this jealous harpy also tell her neighbors, fellow church goers or any other woman in town how to dress or throw blankets on them when her husband walks by? I would smack someone like that in the face for telling me, a grown woman, how to dress.
Is this court saying that not only am I castigated to particular occupations but that if I got raped in their state, it couldn't be the fault of the rapist since I'm "attractive?" You have to wonder what attractive female attorneys in the state think of this ruling. I'm sure they'll have their jobs threatened pretty soon since those law partners will say "Well, the Iowa Supreme Court said I could fire you."
I also like that people asked just where the standard of attractiveness lies. Even obese women may not be safe since beauty is in the eye of the beholder & some guys have fetishes for that as well as many other things. Are we women now having to make sure some guy who owns a business doesn't have a fetish for whatever we have like red hair or body fat or butts?
So, Melissa Nelson, I hope you make this fucker James Knight (who is probably one of the biggest religious hypocrites out there since Christian love is NOT blaming other people for your hormones & sentencing them/their families to the unemployment line) pay & pay big. Maybe you should consider a move to New York City or Los Angeles while you're at it along with all the attractive women in Iowa.
I also think this James Knight should lose his medical license since how do we know he's not tried taking advantage of attractive female patients while they were sedated.
Does his wife screen the patients coming in? I mean, what would you ask & how the hell would you ask about attractiveness? Some people think natural redheads are ugly. When I was growing up in NC, my male classmates though I was a dog & a good 97% of them would have laughed if you'd proposed they go out on a date with me.
I do hope that bitch wife is haunted by this & it would serve her right if that family ended up on the street because of her being an immature cunt. Yes, I said the word "cunt!" I call things & people what they are; it's a cunt thing to do to sentence a good employee to the unemployment line with no good reference & not giving them a fair severance package that covers today's realities of months going into years of unemployment.
Wouldn't it also be a scream if this guy's wife became hated by all the men in the state if the attractive women in Iowa did, in fact, leave & move elsewhere so they could get viable employment without having to wear burkas or 80's church lady dresses?
So you know what? Attractiveness should be a protected class or at least included in labor law for things that don't involve acting or modeling. Jobs where your looks are irrelevant to your ability to perform the work. You can't be a good popular girl on TV if you're a 400 pound, acne ridden actor. That's not true for an assistant or even some sales people. You can't sell chocolate or weight loss products looking that way but you could be good at selling investment packages or insurance. Being a lawyer is irrelevant to your looks & why should people be punished for getting the lottery in the looks department?
Why should I have to get fat or make myself look ugly because YOU are an ugly person on the inside & lack any self-confidence? YOU should fucking change! In fact, I'll insist on it since I can't control my looks like you can control your behavior & attitude.
Better yet, maybe you can try being friends with the attractive women. If you weren't an ass to them, then maybe they could teach you a thing or two about self-confidence. For all you know, they weren't Homecoming Queen in high school either. Not all pretty women are adulterers or lack morals & you sure aren't endearing yourself to me or anyone else who's seen by society as pretty when you cut us down.
Oh, and do you know how often I used my looks to get where I am? Take a guess. Zero. Read that again if you're a jealous, harpy bitch or believe having looks gives you some special superpower: Z-E-R-O!!! No one gave me good grades on my looks since I wasn't seen as pretty when I was going to school. No teachers or professors acted inappropriately to me. I didn't show my underwear or do skanky stuff to get attention. I was stuck in the "I'm not pretty" mentality & never got attention from my male classmates so can't be that hard to believe I wouldn't think to do that. As far as I'm concerned, school & work are separate from your home life & your social life. I'd have felt dirty mixing those realms & also had no instructors I entertained such thoughts about.
Getting out of the "I'm not pretty" mentality & being skeptical when someone complimented my looks took a long time along with many different events in my life, not just one.
So take that & shove it in your collective rear ends, frigid bitches who can't be bothered to satisfy their boyfriends & spouses!!! Maybe you should get lives & new, more constructive hobbies.
Now for why we should include childfree people as a protected class. Let me tell you right now that if you aren't childfree or don't know anyone who is, you don't get it & you aren't going to. Here's an explanation for you on what childfree people go through:
1. Bosses tend to make childfree people work weekends & holidays since the parents must come first at all times (at least, for these types of bosses). Childfree people don't get to take leaves or as much vacation while certain parents act like they are entitled to take any time off they want while getting the same privileges, pay & positions. Certainly not all parents & bosses but it's enough to be a problem.
2. If you are childfree (especially if you're female), you are immediately subjected to people (oftentimes women with children) asking why you don't have kids, making nasty & insulting comments about how your spouse isn't the one since "What if you find your soulmate & he wants kids?" and trying to sell you on having a baby like they are trying to sell the old abandoned house in the bad part of Long Island City or they'll get fired tomorrow & immediately have to live on the streets.
Guess how quickly that pisses off the childfree? If you can ask about kids & listen while the childfree person talks about nieces & nephews while not diminishing the role of Auntie/Uncle or just not try to change the person's mind about it, then you're fine. I don't think not wanting to be subjected to a birth sermon is a demand for political correctness in society.
Just a few days ago, I was eating in a diner and overheard this male server talking to this older group of people & saying "You can't be married & not have kids." Had he said this to me personally, I'd have shot something back but since it wasn't said to me I left it alone. I thought "Oh, yes you can! I'm childfree & this woman is NOT under any circumstances having kids. How do you like that one?"
3. God help you if someone near you gets pregnant, especially if that woman is your boss. When I hear about a female friend or acquaintance's pregnancy, part of me always worries about if this person will remain the same after the baby is born. One of my sorority sisters had a child & totally changed as a person. It was like her old personality vanished & she became Mrs. Mommy. I don't talk to this person anymore. Now I'm quite publicly childfree so anyone with half a brain knows you don't make certain remarks to me if you want me to continue speaking to you (particularly if you know about my essay), but what about those women who aren't?
Childfree people don't tend to talk to friends who give up their interests the minute a baby comes into the picture. Nor do they talk to people who expect them to treat that child as the center of the universe when they aren't the parents, godparents or a blood (or even marriage) relation. At least a kid who's related to me won't get to damage my property, interrupt my workday or be a brat toward me since those parents know that stuff wouldn't fly.
Imagine a boss like this. That boss would make life a living hell for any childfree women working there. There'd be constant disrespect aimed at you & forget about any advancement, no matter how great you were at your job.
Let's not even go into the bullshit paternalism from doctors who think they can tell women in their 20s & 30s what to do when it comes to their decisions to breed yet I see them doing nothing about raising the age of consent for contracts or curtailing adult rights & privileges for these people.
Gee, more reasons for me to do just what I'm doing now. At least you'll never get annexed from the entertainment field for being "too pretty." Maybe all the attractive & the childfree people should start businesses and refuse to serve the insecure bitches & child pushers. If you ask me, those are the people who should be punished in society instead of people who were blessed with something you don't have (we can include money if you want though I don't recall anyone getting fired because they have too much money or they came from money) or those choosing to live life their way instead of YOUR way.
Who doesn't see some old law firm partner saying similar things to a female associate? I could totally see some associate getting let go from jobs because some partner's wife is an ugly old hag who refuses to do anything about her own marriage or take any personal responsibility. Same for that law partner thinking with the little head instead of the big one he should be using (your brain).
Labor laws aside (which frankly scream sexism to me in this instance & justifying rape against "attractive" women), let's consider the wide ranging impact of such a ruling. If everyone's got free range to do it, where are the attractive people going to work? Are they ALL supposed to move to Hollywood or New York? What if that person doesn't want to be an actress or can't sell things to save his/her life?
Gorgeous doesn't mean DUMB, chuckleheads! Some of us have brain cells in our heads. Some of us have skills. And some of us don't fucking appreciate the slut shaming that's already going on if we dare to show the slightest bit of cleavage or leg if we go out in the evening! We don't know how this woman dressed & as far as anyone knows, she wore business clothing. After all, she worked there for 10 years! If she was dressing like a stripper, I'm pretty sure she'd have been gone in a few months. I didn't read anything about patient complaints about this woman's attire.
This guy also fired this woman at the advice of his pastor AFTER making nasty remarks to her in the workplace. If you told me about my making your pants bulge at work, I'd have to cut off that bulge or threaten to do so in a very vicious manner. I'm sure if I did, you'd not do it again. Rest assured my husband would handle it if some guy said that to me socially, not even in the workplace. Once I get to play my prostitute role (now slated for closer to October), my husband said he's going to hurt any man that acts inappropriately or makes nasty remarks about my attire while I'm doing that show.
Oh, and my husband is not some jealous harpy who'd tell me to fire some guy from my company if he was attractive. He'd never say to me "You have to fire that actor since he's too good looking." If he did, I'd say "Tough shit! You married me, you know I work in the entertainment industry & that actors generally have to be good looking. You've been with me the entire time I've worked in this industry so get over yourself & stop trying to sabotage my career because of your lack of self-esteem."
Did this pastor not think that God gave this woman her looks (which according to some commenters on this story in various places, she's not exactly going to be busting down the doors in Hollywood)? And what about personal responsibility? Why did he not tell this man to keep it in his damn pants? Does he put the moves on the "attractive" patients? I mean, is he holding back daily from raping women he passes walking down the street or driving in the car? Is it women's responsibility to wear burkas everywhere? Are you in Iowa or Afghanistan?
How about telling this bitch wife to do her part in this marriage? You know, have sexual relations with her husband, try new things in bed, talk about things other than the kids, your house, etc.? Or maybe not clinging to this man for dear life & developing some outside interests?
I'm married & as my mother famously told my sister "No one can 'steal' a man from you." That man makes his own choice if he picks some other chick over you. No one's controlling his mind, except maybe his own penis. Whose fault is that? Certainly not some attractive woman! I would never blame someone else for MY failings or frigidness. That's the ultimate in immaturity, laziness & low self-esteem.
Does this jealous harpy also tell her neighbors, fellow church goers or any other woman in town how to dress or throw blankets on them when her husband walks by? I would smack someone like that in the face for telling me, a grown woman, how to dress.
Is this court saying that not only am I castigated to particular occupations but that if I got raped in their state, it couldn't be the fault of the rapist since I'm "attractive?" You have to wonder what attractive female attorneys in the state think of this ruling. I'm sure they'll have their jobs threatened pretty soon since those law partners will say "Well, the Iowa Supreme Court said I could fire you."
I also like that people asked just where the standard of attractiveness lies. Even obese women may not be safe since beauty is in the eye of the beholder & some guys have fetishes for that as well as many other things. Are we women now having to make sure some guy who owns a business doesn't have a fetish for whatever we have like red hair or body fat or butts?
So, Melissa Nelson, I hope you make this fucker James Knight (who is probably one of the biggest religious hypocrites out there since Christian love is NOT blaming other people for your hormones & sentencing them/their families to the unemployment line) pay & pay big. Maybe you should consider a move to New York City or Los Angeles while you're at it along with all the attractive women in Iowa.
I also think this James Knight should lose his medical license since how do we know he's not tried taking advantage of attractive female patients while they were sedated.
Does his wife screen the patients coming in? I mean, what would you ask & how the hell would you ask about attractiveness? Some people think natural redheads are ugly. When I was growing up in NC, my male classmates though I was a dog & a good 97% of them would have laughed if you'd proposed they go out on a date with me.
I do hope that bitch wife is haunted by this & it would serve her right if that family ended up on the street because of her being an immature cunt. Yes, I said the word "cunt!" I call things & people what they are; it's a cunt thing to do to sentence a good employee to the unemployment line with no good reference & not giving them a fair severance package that covers today's realities of months going into years of unemployment.
Wouldn't it also be a scream if this guy's wife became hated by all the men in the state if the attractive women in Iowa did, in fact, leave & move elsewhere so they could get viable employment without having to wear burkas or 80's church lady dresses?
So you know what? Attractiveness should be a protected class or at least included in labor law for things that don't involve acting or modeling. Jobs where your looks are irrelevant to your ability to perform the work. You can't be a good popular girl on TV if you're a 400 pound, acne ridden actor. That's not true for an assistant or even some sales people. You can't sell chocolate or weight loss products looking that way but you could be good at selling investment packages or insurance. Being a lawyer is irrelevant to your looks & why should people be punished for getting the lottery in the looks department?
Why should I have to get fat or make myself look ugly because YOU are an ugly person on the inside & lack any self-confidence? YOU should fucking change! In fact, I'll insist on it since I can't control my looks like you can control your behavior & attitude.
Better yet, maybe you can try being friends with the attractive women. If you weren't an ass to them, then maybe they could teach you a thing or two about self-confidence. For all you know, they weren't Homecoming Queen in high school either. Not all pretty women are adulterers or lack morals & you sure aren't endearing yourself to me or anyone else who's seen by society as pretty when you cut us down.
Oh, and do you know how often I used my looks to get where I am? Take a guess. Zero. Read that again if you're a jealous, harpy bitch or believe having looks gives you some special superpower: Z-E-R-O!!! No one gave me good grades on my looks since I wasn't seen as pretty when I was going to school. No teachers or professors acted inappropriately to me. I didn't show my underwear or do skanky stuff to get attention. I was stuck in the "I'm not pretty" mentality & never got attention from my male classmates so can't be that hard to believe I wouldn't think to do that. As far as I'm concerned, school & work are separate from your home life & your social life. I'd have felt dirty mixing those realms & also had no instructors I entertained such thoughts about.
Getting out of the "I'm not pretty" mentality & being skeptical when someone complimented my looks took a long time along with many different events in my life, not just one.
So take that & shove it in your collective rear ends, frigid bitches who can't be bothered to satisfy their boyfriends & spouses!!! Maybe you should get lives & new, more constructive hobbies.
Now for why we should include childfree people as a protected class. Let me tell you right now that if you aren't childfree or don't know anyone who is, you don't get it & you aren't going to. Here's an explanation for you on what childfree people go through:
1. Bosses tend to make childfree people work weekends & holidays since the parents must come first at all times (at least, for these types of bosses). Childfree people don't get to take leaves or as much vacation while certain parents act like they are entitled to take any time off they want while getting the same privileges, pay & positions. Certainly not all parents & bosses but it's enough to be a problem.
2. If you are childfree (especially if you're female), you are immediately subjected to people (oftentimes women with children) asking why you don't have kids, making nasty & insulting comments about how your spouse isn't the one since "What if you find your soulmate & he wants kids?" and trying to sell you on having a baby like they are trying to sell the old abandoned house in the bad part of Long Island City or they'll get fired tomorrow & immediately have to live on the streets.
Guess how quickly that pisses off the childfree? If you can ask about kids & listen while the childfree person talks about nieces & nephews while not diminishing the role of Auntie/Uncle or just not try to change the person's mind about it, then you're fine. I don't think not wanting to be subjected to a birth sermon is a demand for political correctness in society.
Just a few days ago, I was eating in a diner and overheard this male server talking to this older group of people & saying "You can't be married & not have kids." Had he said this to me personally, I'd have shot something back but since it wasn't said to me I left it alone. I thought "Oh, yes you can! I'm childfree & this woman is NOT under any circumstances having kids. How do you like that one?"
3. God help you if someone near you gets pregnant, especially if that woman is your boss. When I hear about a female friend or acquaintance's pregnancy, part of me always worries about if this person will remain the same after the baby is born. One of my sorority sisters had a child & totally changed as a person. It was like her old personality vanished & she became Mrs. Mommy. I don't talk to this person anymore. Now I'm quite publicly childfree so anyone with half a brain knows you don't make certain remarks to me if you want me to continue speaking to you (particularly if you know about my essay), but what about those women who aren't?
Childfree people don't tend to talk to friends who give up their interests the minute a baby comes into the picture. Nor do they talk to people who expect them to treat that child as the center of the universe when they aren't the parents, godparents or a blood (or even marriage) relation. At least a kid who's related to me won't get to damage my property, interrupt my workday or be a brat toward me since those parents know that stuff wouldn't fly.
Imagine a boss like this. That boss would make life a living hell for any childfree women working there. There'd be constant disrespect aimed at you & forget about any advancement, no matter how great you were at your job.
Let's not even go into the bullshit paternalism from doctors who think they can tell women in their 20s & 30s what to do when it comes to their decisions to breed yet I see them doing nothing about raising the age of consent for contracts or curtailing adult rights & privileges for these people.
Gee, more reasons for me to do just what I'm doing now. At least you'll never get annexed from the entertainment field for being "too pretty." Maybe all the attractive & the childfree people should start businesses and refuse to serve the insecure bitches & child pushers. If you ask me, those are the people who should be punished in society instead of people who were blessed with something you don't have (we can include money if you want though I don't recall anyone getting fired because they have too much money or they came from money) or those choosing to live life their way instead of YOUR way.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Get Your Tubal If You're Over 18: How to Deal with Paternalistic Asshole Doctors Who Think They Can Intrude on Your Private Life
With all the shit I've read about how there's no lawyer posting this guideline & after reading this Dear Prudence column yesterday where Prudence decides to just be another member of the "You're too young" chorus, I decided enough was enough. A lot of the comments on that letter really pushed me over the edge, particularly those by men who DO NOT have a fucking uterus & can NEVER be forced to carry an unwanted baby.
I even read a while ago in a LiveJournal community the lament of someone who claimed no lawyer cared about this issue.
Well, that commenter is wrong. DEAD wrong! Didn't you hear? I had a tubal at 26; in fact, the XX Factor blog published an essay I wrote on why I have chosen to be childfree. You can find the link in an earlier entry; don't be lazy. I don't abide that mess.
So, I'm going to write that guide. Feel free to pass it on far & wide. In fact, I encourage it. Remember, I want to inspire fear, dread & contempt in the hearts of OB/GYNs who want to create more problems by playing God with women's lives.
Before we get to those tips, some preliminary facts:
* Make damn fucking sure you do not want to have children EVER. Permanent solutions are nothing to mess around with. If the answer to "Do you ever want children?" is anything other than an emphatic "No!" you have no business asking for a tubal. You should get an IUD instead.
You also don't get to call yourself "childfree." You are what we call a "fence sitter," a "maybe" case. If the answer to that question is "Maybe someday," do not waste a doctor's time. A legion of childfree women who want permanent sterilization & can't get it will beat you upside the head (or at least, I'd like them to).
* If you think for even a second that you can sue the doctor if you "change your mind," also don't bother doing it. You are the bitches that make it harder for me & anyone else who has an old soul or sense of who she is to get any credibility or respect on the issue. I'd go so far as to say you're an enemy to women's lib right up there with Todd Akin, Paul Ryan and all the other closet rapists.
Plus, if you live in NY you only get 2 years to sue for medical malpractice. That's it. I forget if the time starts when the malpractice happens or when you discover the malpractice so don't quote me on this but I believe it is when the malpractice happens. You discovered it 20 years later? Tough shit, you've most likely waited too long. As my NY Practice professor in law school said, the doctors have a good lobby that made this the law in NY state. The doctors in your state may also have a good state lobbyist. Check your state laws.
* If you're not good with surgery & willing to sign a waiver saying you won't sue if you "change your mind," don't do it. More setting women back & causing issues. Let me just punch you in the face right now if you pull that.
So, if you are an actual childfree person who is hellbent on never, ever having kids no matter what & will never lament the loss of your unborn rugrats here is what you do:
1. Research, research, research! Research your local state & federal laws when it comes to this subject. Know how long the statute of limitations is for a doctor to be sued for giving sterilization to someone who later changes her mind. Research current news & know about mothers who killed their children, the harm done to children from resentful parents who didn't want them, the consequences of parenthood & what it does or doesn't make you.
2. Have strength in your convictions, no matter what. If anyone can talk you out of it, you aren't prepared to do it.
3. Have logical arguments prepared. Cite the laws on consent, voting, any professional licenses you hold like being an attorney & the process you went through to get that license, etc.
4. Use "Do no harm" to your advantage: ask the busybody doctor about violating that provision by allowing an unborn child to be born to a home where (s)he will not be treated well say not being fed, clothed, etc. Ask about the harm to society, the court system and everyone else who has to get involved in the abuse and neglect involving this kid. Ask about the increased crime rate & future victims of this child born to an unfit parent (and resenting or hating your child certainly qualifies you as an "unfit parent" in my book).
Cite any contacts you may have involved in sexual abuse who might still be in the picture if some unborn child was brought into the world if you had one. Furthermore, ask about the emotional harm being done to you with this paternalistic attempt to shove you into motherhood against your will.
5. Know the slippery slope argument like the back of your hand: when you've asked every single doctor who takes your insurance about this & go to your last ones or the last one, mention that fact. Tell them that all have denied you & they are violating your civil rights with this collective denial.
6. Do NOT, under any circumstances, be deferential to the doctor on this choice. This is YOUR body, YOUR health & YOUR life. Now that doesn't mean "be rude." It means don't act like this doctor is superior to you due to his/her education. Doctors will play that card without question. If you don't have a lawyer card to play, you need to get away from the "he's more educated so he's smarter than me" mindset. No one knows you better than you do. YOU live in your body & your mind. This prick doesn't.
YOU know your household better than any doctor does. (S)he wants to step in? Then that fucker needs to be held liable (maybe criminally in some cases) for denying sterilization & the consequences that result to the woman, family & unborn child. I bet these wannabe gods would think twice about such intrusions if that happened. Don't get sucked into anyone's God complex or allow yourself to be bullied!
Do this stuff before you ever call anyone. To continue,
7. Call the OB/GYN's office & ask the first person you speak to about this. Doing so will save you time, money & heartache. Sometimes, they'll have the answer & sometimes, they'll have someone call you back.
If you don't get a "yes," keep going. Don't waste your time going into anyone's office unless they will do it. If they insist, ask if they are giving you a free consultation or expect you to fall for their bait & switch tactics.
8. If you get push back, cite your valid reasons. Use these logical arguments I mentioned above. Also, ask this doctor point blank about the war on women going on in our current times & the lunatic fringe Republicans trying to outlaw abortion, make contraceptives impossible to get (such as allowing employers to dictate the uses for it in female employees), etc. If you've done that research, you can cite those instances in your state & elsewhere of such laws.
See what this doctor says when you point out that you may not have the option of less permanent contraception if Romney takes office or your local Republican representatives get those harsh, draconian, sexist laws through. Maybe even ask if the doctor is pro-life or pro-choice. That could even be done in the initial phone call but if the doctor says "pro-life" you can ask how bringing unwanted children into the world is in any way healthy or being "pro-life." You could even ask how taking free will away from an adult woman is in any way in keeping with his/her religious faith if the person cites one.
I was raised in an independent Baptist household so I know how the Christian fundies think. If you're also from a religious background, use it to your advantage.
9. If you are outright lied to like the first doctor I had did to me, don't you dare give up. Use Tom Petty's song "I Won't Back Down" as your mantra. You talk to the next doctor & the next, using the same approach. If you really want to get creative, you could even make up a story about having been raped by a family member that you're still forced to have in your life b/c other family members sided w/him & not you i.e. any unborn child would be exposed to a rapist.
Remember also the words of Malcolm X: By whatever means necessary. Considering the US may become just another 3rd world country on this issue soon, you may want to make getting permanent sterilization a high priority lest you end up being forced to raise your rapist's baby or give up your career and all you hold dear for some puking, mulling rugrat you never wanted in the first place. People who aren't uncivilized pieces of garbage will allow abortion for ectopic pregnancies (you know, those ones that have zero chance of viability). If they don't, well maybe these closet rapists should also decriminalize rape since they believe it's "God's will."
Personally, I think if you have to start lying to doctors the doctor/patient privilege is useless. Point out this hypocrisy if you need to.
10. Be civil but don't be nice unless the doctor respects you as an adult woman capable of living your own life & making your own decisions. If your logical arguments have failed, that says the doctor is NOT respectful of you. If you have children & some doctor is doing this, most definitely show no mercy for this blatant paternalism.
It's not just men who engage in this paternalism, by the way. I had women pull this on me as well. Be contrary & if you have to, be a bitch. No, not just a bitch. An unrepentant, bulldozing bitch who won't take shit off the likes of this wannabe God.
Propose that the age of consent, voting, etc. for women be bumped up & zero liability prescribed to you for anything if this doctor wants to deny you the right to make this choice for yourself. Cite figures about women who actually change their minds, the viability of such a lawsuit, whatever fits for the situation.
If you want to tell them not to bullshit you & just be honest, go ahead. Uncovering the motivations behind doctors acting like they know better than adult women is a good idea & should be done more often to assess whether some people should even be in the field in the first place. Would they deny abortions to 12 year old rape victims next? Are they THAT baby happy?
11. If the doctor doesn't want to do it but isn't a total prick about it, ask for the names of people who WILL do it. Not give you maybes or harass you about it but will actually treat you as an adult with a fully functioning brain and free will. Feel free to say that last part to drive your point home.
Maybe something good will come out of it, maybe not. Either way, at least you tried.
12. If you find a doctor who does your surgery & you're happy with the results, spread the word. Tell others about this OB/GYN who is respectful of women & isn't infantalizing adult women (defined as those over 18, not those over 35). I've been more than happy to ID my surgeon to women seeking this in NYC.
I have very little stock in OB/GYNs these days. Since my insurance no longer covers the one who did my surgery & another one I had vanished from the face of the earth, I've not found one who is respectful of women. My mom says that since I already had the tubal, it's too late to worry about that but I disagree. I don't want my copay going to some anti-woman dirtbag who belittles my childfreedom & insists that I'm not a full person or have some kind of mental defect b/c I'm not some baby crazed harpy who treats her husband like a child. No way do I want some gynecologist saying "You could get your tubal reversed. Let's see about doing that," when I'd violently object to it. This issue most certainly is going to affect that health care provider's medical judgment & treatment of me and I'm not interested in that shitty bias.
If you also had this done or are contemplating it, you should definitely consider a future doctor's beliefs on that issue for your future OB/GYN needs if you run into the situation I have.
Finally, I'd like to point out that by the time these objecting doctors think you're "old enough" for a tubal you're already in menopause or a stone's throw away from it.
I even read a while ago in a LiveJournal community the lament of someone who claimed no lawyer cared about this issue.
Well, that commenter is wrong. DEAD wrong! Didn't you hear? I had a tubal at 26; in fact, the XX Factor blog published an essay I wrote on why I have chosen to be childfree. You can find the link in an earlier entry; don't be lazy. I don't abide that mess.
So, I'm going to write that guide. Feel free to pass it on far & wide. In fact, I encourage it. Remember, I want to inspire fear, dread & contempt in the hearts of OB/GYNs who want to create more problems by playing God with women's lives.
Before we get to those tips, some preliminary facts:
* Make damn fucking sure you do not want to have children EVER. Permanent solutions are nothing to mess around with. If the answer to "Do you ever want children?" is anything other than an emphatic "No!" you have no business asking for a tubal. You should get an IUD instead.
You also don't get to call yourself "childfree." You are what we call a "fence sitter," a "maybe" case. If the answer to that question is "Maybe someday," do not waste a doctor's time. A legion of childfree women who want permanent sterilization & can't get it will beat you upside the head (or at least, I'd like them to).
* If you think for even a second that you can sue the doctor if you "change your mind," also don't bother doing it. You are the bitches that make it harder for me & anyone else who has an old soul or sense of who she is to get any credibility or respect on the issue. I'd go so far as to say you're an enemy to women's lib right up there with Todd Akin, Paul Ryan and all the other closet rapists.
Plus, if you live in NY you only get 2 years to sue for medical malpractice. That's it. I forget if the time starts when the malpractice happens or when you discover the malpractice so don't quote me on this but I believe it is when the malpractice happens. You discovered it 20 years later? Tough shit, you've most likely waited too long. As my NY Practice professor in law school said, the doctors have a good lobby that made this the law in NY state. The doctors in your state may also have a good state lobbyist. Check your state laws.
* If you're not good with surgery & willing to sign a waiver saying you won't sue if you "change your mind," don't do it. More setting women back & causing issues. Let me just punch you in the face right now if you pull that.
So, if you are an actual childfree person who is hellbent on never, ever having kids no matter what & will never lament the loss of your unborn rugrats here is what you do:
1. Research, research, research! Research your local state & federal laws when it comes to this subject. Know how long the statute of limitations is for a doctor to be sued for giving sterilization to someone who later changes her mind. Research current news & know about mothers who killed their children, the harm done to children from resentful parents who didn't want them, the consequences of parenthood & what it does or doesn't make you.
2. Have strength in your convictions, no matter what. If anyone can talk you out of it, you aren't prepared to do it.
3. Have logical arguments prepared. Cite the laws on consent, voting, any professional licenses you hold like being an attorney & the process you went through to get that license, etc.
4. Use "Do no harm" to your advantage: ask the busybody doctor about violating that provision by allowing an unborn child to be born to a home where (s)he will not be treated well say not being fed, clothed, etc. Ask about the harm to society, the court system and everyone else who has to get involved in the abuse and neglect involving this kid. Ask about the increased crime rate & future victims of this child born to an unfit parent (and resenting or hating your child certainly qualifies you as an "unfit parent" in my book).
Cite any contacts you may have involved in sexual abuse who might still be in the picture if some unborn child was brought into the world if you had one. Furthermore, ask about the emotional harm being done to you with this paternalistic attempt to shove you into motherhood against your will.
5. Know the slippery slope argument like the back of your hand: when you've asked every single doctor who takes your insurance about this & go to your last ones or the last one, mention that fact. Tell them that all have denied you & they are violating your civil rights with this collective denial.
6. Do NOT, under any circumstances, be deferential to the doctor on this choice. This is YOUR body, YOUR health & YOUR life. Now that doesn't mean "be rude." It means don't act like this doctor is superior to you due to his/her education. Doctors will play that card without question. If you don't have a lawyer card to play, you need to get away from the "he's more educated so he's smarter than me" mindset. No one knows you better than you do. YOU live in your body & your mind. This prick doesn't.
YOU know your household better than any doctor does. (S)he wants to step in? Then that fucker needs to be held liable (maybe criminally in some cases) for denying sterilization & the consequences that result to the woman, family & unborn child. I bet these wannabe gods would think twice about such intrusions if that happened. Don't get sucked into anyone's God complex or allow yourself to be bullied!
Do this stuff before you ever call anyone. To continue,
7. Call the OB/GYN's office & ask the first person you speak to about this. Doing so will save you time, money & heartache. Sometimes, they'll have the answer & sometimes, they'll have someone call you back.
If you don't get a "yes," keep going. Don't waste your time going into anyone's office unless they will do it. If they insist, ask if they are giving you a free consultation or expect you to fall for their bait & switch tactics.
8. If you get push back, cite your valid reasons. Use these logical arguments I mentioned above. Also, ask this doctor point blank about the war on women going on in our current times & the lunatic fringe Republicans trying to outlaw abortion, make contraceptives impossible to get (such as allowing employers to dictate the uses for it in female employees), etc. If you've done that research, you can cite those instances in your state & elsewhere of such laws.
See what this doctor says when you point out that you may not have the option of less permanent contraception if Romney takes office or your local Republican representatives get those harsh, draconian, sexist laws through. Maybe even ask if the doctor is pro-life or pro-choice. That could even be done in the initial phone call but if the doctor says "pro-life" you can ask how bringing unwanted children into the world is in any way healthy or being "pro-life." You could even ask how taking free will away from an adult woman is in any way in keeping with his/her religious faith if the person cites one.
I was raised in an independent Baptist household so I know how the Christian fundies think. If you're also from a religious background, use it to your advantage.
9. If you are outright lied to like the first doctor I had did to me, don't you dare give up. Use Tom Petty's song "I Won't Back Down" as your mantra. You talk to the next doctor & the next, using the same approach. If you really want to get creative, you could even make up a story about having been raped by a family member that you're still forced to have in your life b/c other family members sided w/him & not you i.e. any unborn child would be exposed to a rapist.
Remember also the words of Malcolm X: By whatever means necessary. Considering the US may become just another 3rd world country on this issue soon, you may want to make getting permanent sterilization a high priority lest you end up being forced to raise your rapist's baby or give up your career and all you hold dear for some puking, mulling rugrat you never wanted in the first place. People who aren't uncivilized pieces of garbage will allow abortion for ectopic pregnancies (you know, those ones that have zero chance of viability). If they don't, well maybe these closet rapists should also decriminalize rape since they believe it's "God's will."
Personally, I think if you have to start lying to doctors the doctor/patient privilege is useless. Point out this hypocrisy if you need to.
10. Be civil but don't be nice unless the doctor respects you as an adult woman capable of living your own life & making your own decisions. If your logical arguments have failed, that says the doctor is NOT respectful of you. If you have children & some doctor is doing this, most definitely show no mercy for this blatant paternalism.
It's not just men who engage in this paternalism, by the way. I had women pull this on me as well. Be contrary & if you have to, be a bitch. No, not just a bitch. An unrepentant, bulldozing bitch who won't take shit off the likes of this wannabe God.
Propose that the age of consent, voting, etc. for women be bumped up & zero liability prescribed to you for anything if this doctor wants to deny you the right to make this choice for yourself. Cite figures about women who actually change their minds, the viability of such a lawsuit, whatever fits for the situation.
If you want to tell them not to bullshit you & just be honest, go ahead. Uncovering the motivations behind doctors acting like they know better than adult women is a good idea & should be done more often to assess whether some people should even be in the field in the first place. Would they deny abortions to 12 year old rape victims next? Are they THAT baby happy?
11. If the doctor doesn't want to do it but isn't a total prick about it, ask for the names of people who WILL do it. Not give you maybes or harass you about it but will actually treat you as an adult with a fully functioning brain and free will. Feel free to say that last part to drive your point home.
Maybe something good will come out of it, maybe not. Either way, at least you tried.
12. If you find a doctor who does your surgery & you're happy with the results, spread the word. Tell others about this OB/GYN who is respectful of women & isn't infantalizing adult women (defined as those over 18, not those over 35). I've been more than happy to ID my surgeon to women seeking this in NYC.
I have very little stock in OB/GYNs these days. Since my insurance no longer covers the one who did my surgery & another one I had vanished from the face of the earth, I've not found one who is respectful of women. My mom says that since I already had the tubal, it's too late to worry about that but I disagree. I don't want my copay going to some anti-woman dirtbag who belittles my childfreedom & insists that I'm not a full person or have some kind of mental defect b/c I'm not some baby crazed harpy who treats her husband like a child. No way do I want some gynecologist saying "You could get your tubal reversed. Let's see about doing that," when I'd violently object to it. This issue most certainly is going to affect that health care provider's medical judgment & treatment of me and I'm not interested in that shitty bias.
If you also had this done or are contemplating it, you should definitely consider a future doctor's beliefs on that issue for your future OB/GYN needs if you run into the situation I have.
Finally, I'd like to point out that by the time these objecting doctors think you're "old enough" for a tubal you're already in menopause or a stone's throw away from it.
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Should We Pierce Kids Too Little to Object? Musings While Waiting for the "Hurricane"
Or, if you like "the big, wet rainstorm" (thanks, Daria). Not sure what we'll be getting this time with Sandy but as you might already know, I'm not the type of person who freaks out about the weather. Go read that entry if you haven't already.
I still have that extra gig to write about. I've decided it's going to be my last one since now I've already worked with most of the bigger background companies in NYC, I've already gotten that learning experience I was doing it for & I'm pursuing other opportunities. More on that later, though.
Right now, it's been hurricane hysteria in my area. I figured while I was dealing with all this, I'd go on and write another of my many rants. Here's one such rant.
A while back I read this entry in a childfree community. Now, let me just say that I'm NOT a child hater & I stopped posting in this community ages ago when the PC police decided to get in my face.
This post brings up an interesting debate: is it cool to pierce a little child's ears (or anything else for that matter)? Or are you taking consent away from that kid or enforcing a gender norm that may not fit the kid as she ages?
The comments went in many directions & definitely made me think. One poster talked about how her earring holes were lopsided as she aged because of having them pierced so young. Others talked about how the practice was "cultural" and implied that those who'd claimed this culture used this to say that anyone outside that ethnic group/background had no right to a contrary opinion on the matter (which, if you try with me, I'm probably going to get in your face about if it's something I actually lived & might have some familiarity with). After some thought, I figured out my take.
I think you're a fucking moron with a lot of self-hate if you would pierce your little child's ears without that kid being old enough to ask for them. If you have other children under 5 and you're doing this, you're an even bigger moron.
If you're the relative of some child & get that kid pierced without the parents' okay, you need to be smacked upside the head & forced to have "inconsiderate prick" tattooed on your face. Painful consequences might make you think twice about making a parent have to deal with this.
Why do I say this? Because getting ears pierced isn't a painless process. It DOES hurt some. I have 3 holes in each ear; I insist on maintaining them. I got my first holes when I was in the 4th grade. You know, 9-10 years old when a kid's old enough to ask for them & take care of turning the studs, putting the solution on the piercings daily, keeping the holes clean, etc. One of those holes ended up growing back after I didn't wear earrings for a while & had a resumed interest in them in 6th grade.
I got the one hole re-pierced then got my second holes in 8th grade. I got my 3rd ones in the 10th grade (I'd have to double check this with class pictures but I'm pretty sure that's accurate; I waited 2 years between the second and third hold piercings). Paid for this stuff with my own money, by the way. I did babysitting when I was in 8th grade and did cat sitting before that. I also was very good about saving my allowance for bigger items.
Case in point: I bought Super Mario Bros. 3 in 1990 when it retailed for $50. I was in the 4th grade at the time & had paid to rent the game numerous times before I bought it with money I'd saved. I may have also paid for the tax but I'm not sure about that. I remember my parents being impressed with this.
My niece is 3 months old. I don't see my sister going & getting her ears pierced (even with her desire for that kid to be a girly girl). She already has one kid under 3 who's a handful; why would she want to add even more to her plate by piercing her little girl's ears? Do you want to add ear piercing maintenance to changing dirty diapers, feedings, burping, erratic sleep schedules, etc.?
Guess who has to clean the ears, turn the studs, put solution on, etc.? You do, Mommy & Daddy! Grandma probably won't have to. Auntie & Uncle probably won't have to. Don't let busybodies put more work on you! I say let the kid decide to do that & make sure they know THEY have to do the maintenance to keep the holes open, make sure the ears don't get infected, etc. If your child doesn't have that kind of personal responsibility, (s)he is too young to get pierced ears.
That entry dealt with ear piercings but could you see some parent getting their baby a navel ring or a tongue ring? I'm sure if that parent wanted to get a genital piercing for their kid, someone would be calling CPS immediately (I'd sure hope so anyway). Why is there a double standard for ear piercing? Why do people think it's okay to pierce ears without a parent's consent but would never think to pierce these other areas? I mean, when we're dealing with babies & kids who can't even speak in complete sentences, pain is pain is pain. Right? Someone want to explain this to me.
I'm just not convinced that a sane, rational parent has enough vanity to justify all that extra work to get pierced earrings for their infant or toddler.
Oh, and what if that kid's earring falls on the floor & (s)he likes to stick things in his/her mouth? You want to deal with that, folks? What if your child or a sibling died from that? Do you want that on your conscience for the rest of your life just because you were too lazy to find clip on earrings when you felt compelled to make your little girl dress like a child pageant contestant? Seriously, what child needs to wear earrings before (s)he can speak in complete sentences & not try taking them out or leaving them for younger siblings to think of as candy they can eat? Most aren't movie stars, pageant queens or even regular attendees of adult church.
Is it just another exercise in "keeping up with the Jones?" What if their kid gets a sleeve tattoo? Are you going to get one for YOUR kid next? Parenting, folks! If you can't do it, then don't procreate. We have enough neglected and abused kids already without deadbeats like you popping out more of them! No one wants to hear you bitching about what's on TV or who's doing a concert. No one is impressed with your imitation of a sprinkler; we just feel sorry for your kids & are pissed at you for draining society's resources by not bothering to parent.
I can also see the point of the female who is a tomboy or a butch lesbian that is as anti-feminine as it gets not being happy about a parent piercing her ears before she was old enough to consent or scream "No way, bitch!" I don't think I'd have liked someone doing that to me without my consent either. Most of us don't like being told what to do or having things inflicted on us without our consent.
Maybe the deadbeats in favor of this should ask how they'd like to have a tattoo they don't want placed in a location that they don't want while their lips are super glued shut, they are handcuffed and otherwise have NO way to tell anyone if they consent or object to that tattoo. They also don't get to shift to disturb the artist's work.
How about this punishment for those assholes? Then they might get what their kids feel about it. Have some damage to your career, self-esteem, psyche & person! Since your vanity runs too deep to think of your own self-interest, this might be the only way to bring home the level of harm a kid in this country could experience.
Note that I'm speaking of American customs & culture. That's where I live & it's my experience (as is everything I ever write about). If you want tolerance or at a minimum understanding of your culture, then you should start explaining instead of telling people they have no right to their opinion if they disagree. In America, that's how you get people to respect your views & values (unless you're dealing with total bigots, of course; that's a whole other scenario).
I still have that extra gig to write about. I've decided it's going to be my last one since now I've already worked with most of the bigger background companies in NYC, I've already gotten that learning experience I was doing it for & I'm pursuing other opportunities. More on that later, though.
Right now, it's been hurricane hysteria in my area. I figured while I was dealing with all this, I'd go on and write another of my many rants. Here's one such rant.
A while back I read this entry in a childfree community. Now, let me just say that I'm NOT a child hater & I stopped posting in this community ages ago when the PC police decided to get in my face.
This post brings up an interesting debate: is it cool to pierce a little child's ears (or anything else for that matter)? Or are you taking consent away from that kid or enforcing a gender norm that may not fit the kid as she ages?
The comments went in many directions & definitely made me think. One poster talked about how her earring holes were lopsided as she aged because of having them pierced so young. Others talked about how the practice was "cultural" and implied that those who'd claimed this culture used this to say that anyone outside that ethnic group/background had no right to a contrary opinion on the matter (which, if you try with me, I'm probably going to get in your face about if it's something I actually lived & might have some familiarity with). After some thought, I figured out my take.
I think you're a fucking moron with a lot of self-hate if you would pierce your little child's ears without that kid being old enough to ask for them. If you have other children under 5 and you're doing this, you're an even bigger moron.
If you're the relative of some child & get that kid pierced without the parents' okay, you need to be smacked upside the head & forced to have "inconsiderate prick" tattooed on your face. Painful consequences might make you think twice about making a parent have to deal with this.
Why do I say this? Because getting ears pierced isn't a painless process. It DOES hurt some. I have 3 holes in each ear; I insist on maintaining them. I got my first holes when I was in the 4th grade. You know, 9-10 years old when a kid's old enough to ask for them & take care of turning the studs, putting the solution on the piercings daily, keeping the holes clean, etc. One of those holes ended up growing back after I didn't wear earrings for a while & had a resumed interest in them in 6th grade.
I got the one hole re-pierced then got my second holes in 8th grade. I got my 3rd ones in the 10th grade (I'd have to double check this with class pictures but I'm pretty sure that's accurate; I waited 2 years between the second and third hold piercings). Paid for this stuff with my own money, by the way. I did babysitting when I was in 8th grade and did cat sitting before that. I also was very good about saving my allowance for bigger items.
Case in point: I bought Super Mario Bros. 3 in 1990 when it retailed for $50. I was in the 4th grade at the time & had paid to rent the game numerous times before I bought it with money I'd saved. I may have also paid for the tax but I'm not sure about that. I remember my parents being impressed with this.
My niece is 3 months old. I don't see my sister going & getting her ears pierced (even with her desire for that kid to be a girly girl). She already has one kid under 3 who's a handful; why would she want to add even more to her plate by piercing her little girl's ears? Do you want to add ear piercing maintenance to changing dirty diapers, feedings, burping, erratic sleep schedules, etc.?
Guess who has to clean the ears, turn the studs, put solution on, etc.? You do, Mommy & Daddy! Grandma probably won't have to. Auntie & Uncle probably won't have to. Don't let busybodies put more work on you! I say let the kid decide to do that & make sure they know THEY have to do the maintenance to keep the holes open, make sure the ears don't get infected, etc. If your child doesn't have that kind of personal responsibility, (s)he is too young to get pierced ears.
That entry dealt with ear piercings but could you see some parent getting their baby a navel ring or a tongue ring? I'm sure if that parent wanted to get a genital piercing for their kid, someone would be calling CPS immediately (I'd sure hope so anyway). Why is there a double standard for ear piercing? Why do people think it's okay to pierce ears without a parent's consent but would never think to pierce these other areas? I mean, when we're dealing with babies & kids who can't even speak in complete sentences, pain is pain is pain. Right? Someone want to explain this to me.
I'm just not convinced that a sane, rational parent has enough vanity to justify all that extra work to get pierced earrings for their infant or toddler.
Oh, and what if that kid's earring falls on the floor & (s)he likes to stick things in his/her mouth? You want to deal with that, folks? What if your child or a sibling died from that? Do you want that on your conscience for the rest of your life just because you were too lazy to find clip on earrings when you felt compelled to make your little girl dress like a child pageant contestant? Seriously, what child needs to wear earrings before (s)he can speak in complete sentences & not try taking them out or leaving them for younger siblings to think of as candy they can eat? Most aren't movie stars, pageant queens or even regular attendees of adult church.
Is it just another exercise in "keeping up with the Jones?" What if their kid gets a sleeve tattoo? Are you going to get one for YOUR kid next? Parenting, folks! If you can't do it, then don't procreate. We have enough neglected and abused kids already without deadbeats like you popping out more of them! No one wants to hear you bitching about what's on TV or who's doing a concert. No one is impressed with your imitation of a sprinkler; we just feel sorry for your kids & are pissed at you for draining society's resources by not bothering to parent.
I can also see the point of the female who is a tomboy or a butch lesbian that is as anti-feminine as it gets not being happy about a parent piercing her ears before she was old enough to consent or scream "No way, bitch!" I don't think I'd have liked someone doing that to me without my consent either. Most of us don't like being told what to do or having things inflicted on us without our consent.
Maybe the deadbeats in favor of this should ask how they'd like to have a tattoo they don't want placed in a location that they don't want while their lips are super glued shut, they are handcuffed and otherwise have NO way to tell anyone if they consent or object to that tattoo. They also don't get to shift to disturb the artist's work.
How about this punishment for those assholes? Then they might get what their kids feel about it. Have some damage to your career, self-esteem, psyche & person! Since your vanity runs too deep to think of your own self-interest, this might be the only way to bring home the level of harm a kid in this country could experience.
Note that I'm speaking of American customs & culture. That's where I live & it's my experience (as is everything I ever write about). If you want tolerance or at a minimum understanding of your culture, then you should start explaining instead of telling people they have no right to their opinion if they disagree. In America, that's how you get people to respect your views & values (unless you're dealing with total bigots, of course; that's a whole other scenario).
Monday, August 6, 2012
Faux Unions, the Straightjacket and Close Calls
So, my life may be facing yet more upheaval. My husband's employer has decided to arbitrarily force the librarians to transfer to other places for no rational reason other than to apparently make them quit, piss off the public (who'll have to deal with angry workers who don't want to be there) and be assholes. They were also given zero notice of this & a little sheep who will now be known as "Little Bitch" had the nerve to try & censor me when I made a general remark about my personal availability for an unrelated event. She had zero authority to do it & I responded as I always have and always will to that kind of shit.
This union, who I'm pretty sure I've mentioned before, is completely useless & may as well not even be there with the submitting they do. Not to mention the management at this place is so grossly incompetent, I wouldn't trust them to care for a cactus or watch a pile of dog crap turn white.
Someone who has worked there for 15 years even got one of these notices. As usual, they're doing it all by seniority & forcing people to work with XYZ person regardless of what a bitch/bastard XYZ is, how many problems XYZ has caused in the past & how incompetent XYZ is. I think people working there could keep their jobs even if they rape a lower ranking co-worker considering they allow racists & incompetents to continue there.
I don't think these idiots are aware of my being a lawyer or the fact that I have quite a few friends who have been absolutely disgusted by the situation. I have encouraged people to go & contact this library director personally and dial direct on his sorry ass. Listen, fucker if you're going to make decisions affecting the general public (which includes ME) you need to be held accountable and action needs to be taken against you. Furthermore, try putting my husband in some ghetto hellhole & see what happens to you.
I know these fuckers don't value the lives of their employees or their kids (they're also changing the shifts to 11-7 p.m. every weekday for most of these branches, regardless of the fact that no daycare center in Queens is open later than 6:30 at night). Being totally brazen against a lawyer like me, however, is a new level of stupid that's just going to lead to death. Little Bitch has already caused problems for herself & is clearly not capable of any real responsibility since she can't actually face anyone directly, slacks off during working hours (as evidenced by her actions on a non-work related social media platform) & is apparently wasting our taxpayer dollars playing Administrative Tattletale/PR Queen/Censorship Police. Oh, and neither Little Bitch nor anyone else at that place has any right to censor the free speech rights of people who don't work there or punish their family/friends for the exercise of those free speech rights. I found this out for certain.
I dare Little Bitch to try shit with me. She can become a casualty as well & I will have zero qualms about it. After all, she rolled out the red carpet for trouble to come charging in. If anyone transfers my husband to some hellhole, they'll also be inviting trouble on themselves & perhaps their families as well. Have no regard for mine & I won't give a damn about yours. Why should I?
In case you're new to reading this blog, let me pass on some free advice. There are certain types of people you don't fuck with. Some examples:
1. Lawyers
2. Natural redheads
3. Anyone who works behind the scenes in the entertainment industry whether a producer, agent, director, executive, anyone who deals with a lot of BS & won't stand for it
4. People who have nothing left to work for or aspire to that will help society
5. People who have been kicked around forever; eventually, those people snap
6. Quiet types
7. Loners
How many murderers and serial killers fit at least one of these categories? How many violent crimes could be explained by one of these categories? When someone fits more of those categories, that means you don't fuck w/the person times a trillion. Add up those trillions for each category the person falls into & that's how much you should be avoiding problems with that person.
I know forcing involuntary servitude on folk will backfire & in a powerful way. Whether I'm in the thick of it or not depends on if I get to have the luxury of having something to aspire to & reasons to care about concepts like law and order.
Clearly, I'm not the sort of person who should ever have a union job. At least not one with this union. Actually, you should call it a faux union since they have a no strike clause. Do you need any more reasons to call it that?
For that matter, any union that has a no strike clause shouldn't even exist. My mother, herself an employee of UPS where the drivers have a union that actually works for THEM, even said that if you have a no strike clause, you have zero protection against management abuses. Imagine where SAG/AFTRA, the Teamsters or any other entertainment union would be if they had no strike clauses in their contracts. Who would join those? My husband didn't voluntarily join his; he was forced in. Nor did he ever vote for this "no strike" shit. Only a moron or someone taking kickbacks would support that. Funny but if I were taking kickbacks or anyone else I knew in the legal field were doing it, we'd be disbarred, suspended or at least publicly censured for it.
So as I left town I had to deal with that bullshit. Not Little Bitch but the whole news aspect; I vowed not to let Galante ruin my trip or send off (he's the prick responsible for this who performed his one humane act for me personally many years ago by passing on my husband's information to the proper person). I was going to see family members I care about. Decided it was better to call it a trip not a vacation. A "vacation" implies that your journey will be relaxing & free of stress. That's definitely not the case when I go to NC.
When I go to NC, I feel like I'm in a straightjacket. Not a literal one but at least a metaphorical one. Though this time, maybe it was closer to literal since my sister & mother were trying to play fashion cop with me. Apparently, their hometown should be renamed to "Frumptown" or "Frumpville." Something with the word "frump" in it.
Being in that town makes me want to listen to Prince constantly as well as any sexually explicit song that's not okay for kids to listen to. Is it my relatives or is it the whole social climate down there? I'm not quite sure.
First off, when it's hot outside I'm not killing myself with layers or wearing a burka. I'm not Muslim or even a practicing Christian. I'm not practicing any religion.
Second, I also have horribly sensitive skin & hate getting sweat zits. They hurt.
Third, I'm an adult well over the age of 21. I have my own money & should be entitled to wear what I damn well please.
Fourth, I have the figure for shorter things, have never been mistaken for a prostitute & even if I want to dress like one, is it not my choice? Do I not get a right to be sexy once in a while? I won't have a figure forever so why shouldn't I get to enjoy it while I have it?
Fifth, I'm childfree. Here's another perk of being childfree: you don't have to dress like an old person when you aren't one & don't even look like one.
Finally, I live in New York Fucking City! Nothing I own is nearly as bad as countless things I've seen people wear. Even going naked or topless might not shock many New Yorkers though I wouldn't do full nudity. I've considered going topless on excruciating days (since it's not illegal to do it in NYC unless you're advertising) but I hate getting sunburn & know I would in a second if I did do that. Not to mention all the hassle I get anyway.
With it being in the 90s, I was wearing some new short shorts I got last year & a top I wore before my sister's wedding in a different color. This prompted a bunch of hand wringing, utter sexism and being told I should dress all boring because of my 8 year old nephew. I think them initiating this conversation in front of him was probably worse than anything I could have worn. Not to mention that my nephew will likely learn more bad things from his own parents & television than he'll ever get from being around me, a relative he rarely sees. I even pointed this out to my mother, who did give me that point.
I asked if my sister plays fashion police with everyone who comes to her house & everyone who appears in public around her kids. Can you imagine walking up to strangers & telling them their top shows too much cleavage for your precious little babies? How about actually being a decent parent? My mom was like "Oh, no one dresses like that." I said that the majority of my sister's friends are parents; I'm childfree & that's one of the perks.
My sister even had the nerve to say she couldn't believe my husband "lets [me] go out like that." Pissed me off. I pointed out that my husband doesn't "let" me do anything since I'm an adult & we treat each other as such. Plus, I've gotten hit on & harassed while wearing pajamas, grubbies and my working clothes at Godiva. No cleavage or excessive leg showing necessary. Therefore, no sense in demanding me to dress like a frump. I'll get hit on anyway. My husband also knows this & accepts that reality just as I do. If that's the case, why not let me dress to my comfort & taste?
Plus, I was supposed to be relaxing and on a pleasure trip not going to work or a business function. Why should I have to wear anything different in my "off" time? I'm also at the point in my life where I insist on being myself around people who claim to care about me, including relatives considering I'm an adult & feel it's artificial of me to be something I'm not. How can you have a real connection with someone if you can't even be yourself around them? I feel you can't. What's the point in preserving such a relationship?
My mom said that apparently I scare the country boys in her area since they're not used to women dressing like me.
If we could apply that to my hometown, maybe that explains why I couldn't buy a date there while I had to practically get a stick to beat guys off from college onward. I also said when my family visits me, I should demand that they dress like they're in NYC if they're going to insist that I dress like someone in their area. Adapt to MY culture, damn it! I'd at least get a laugh from it. At least they will take public transit & aren't assholes to gay people. Nor do they go lecture strangers but apparently, they find it okay to lecture to me.
I'm still hardcore childfree, by the way. Oh, yes!! I love my niece & nephews (especially the eldest since I can talk to him and he actually cared about my presence) but no way could I do what my sister's doing. I've not got the patience for little kids and both my mother & sister seemed to get all offended because I yelled at my over 2 year old nephew for screaming at random. First off, I don't hang around small kids on a regular basis. Second, I do have eardrums & if you're screaming a short distance from them human nature is to react. Third, being around small kids is emotionally exhausting for me & if I had to parent them it would be worse. Not something that interests me (never an interest of mine, in fact) & I feel that's a task for people who actually want to do it, not someone who'd resent it like I would.
Oh, and you may like this if you're childfree.
If you want to kill someone's libido though, small kids work pretty well. Maybe that's another reason I'm not interested; I'm not about to give up my sex life. Remember, my marriage isn't typical & I'm rebellious by nature. Sex was a huge forbidden zone topic in my upbringing; compared to the women in my immediate family, I may as well be a former prostitute even though my experience is closer to that of the average person.
Speaking of people who might as well be prostitutes, seems it's a good thing I got rid of last year's black hole. The attempted wedding wrecker apparently learned nothing & is still doing the same shit. Only now she's pregnant, this guy is unemployed & somehow, women are dropping their panties for him like he's Hugh Heffner instead of an unemployed illegal with a baby mama.
Tell me something: if you're going to debase yourself for some guy, why would you ever do it for an unemployed guy with zero ambition? I think debasing yourself for anyone is a shitty idea but if you're going to do it, why would you not at least pick a guy with money, fame or something scarce? Some people seriously need to expand their social circles & raise their standards a little; you can find good sex & you can certainly find a guy with enough, if you get my meaning. I do know of some single male attorneys; I'm sure some of them will happily treat you like shit & at least not be around enough to get on your nerves. Perhaps they'd even pay for dates & might buy you presents; not all of them are unemployed or making poverty wages after paying student loan debts. It just occurs to me that I bet this guy doesn't even pay for dates with my former friend.
Shallow things to concern yourself with but it just piles onto the whole "Why debase yourself for someone?" issue. Felt like I had a close call there but I can't be friends with someone who changes into a person I not only don't recognize but can't even respect.
Getting to NC was also a close call experience. My train was about 3 hours late (I won't fly b/c they also have delays & I won't subject myself to a strip search/grope fest/invasive bullshit that violates basic civil liberties & brands me as a criminal with no proof to get on a plane). One of those delays was due to some trees that fell on the tracks. We were literally 7 minutes away from the station I had to get off at & we had to wait for what felt like ages. It's worse when your cell phone has died, you left your charger at home & you don't have internet access to send e-mail. At least I was in business class (if you can afford it, I highly recommend it to save yourself time & heartaches) so they did give us updates.
Apparently, if we'd been there 20 minutes earlier one of these trees could have fallen on our heads. After hearing that, I thought "This has to be a sign that things will work out in my life. Otherwise, God, what was the point of sparing my life today if it's all going to fall apart in two weeks?" If God sees everything, then God knows how you're going to react to things already.
More points on religion that I never got: no one ever believes a gay relationship/marriage or an abortion were part of God's plans for anyone. Either God is the ultimate mastermind & everything you do is part of the plan (including all this "sinful" stuff) or God's an observer who casts people off to Hell for violating things that don't make sense and were probably distorted by sexist white guys who had some power in biblical times. Make up your mind; I don't have a stake here. This is part of my late night contemplating. Whether things actually work out remain to be seen. You'll either get to see the rise or the fall.
This union, who I'm pretty sure I've mentioned before, is completely useless & may as well not even be there with the submitting they do. Not to mention the management at this place is so grossly incompetent, I wouldn't trust them to care for a cactus or watch a pile of dog crap turn white.
Someone who has worked there for 15 years even got one of these notices. As usual, they're doing it all by seniority & forcing people to work with XYZ person regardless of what a bitch/bastard XYZ is, how many problems XYZ has caused in the past & how incompetent XYZ is. I think people working there could keep their jobs even if they rape a lower ranking co-worker considering they allow racists & incompetents to continue there.
I don't think these idiots are aware of my being a lawyer or the fact that I have quite a few friends who have been absolutely disgusted by the situation. I have encouraged people to go & contact this library director personally and dial direct on his sorry ass. Listen, fucker if you're going to make decisions affecting the general public (which includes ME) you need to be held accountable and action needs to be taken against you. Furthermore, try putting my husband in some ghetto hellhole & see what happens to you.
I know these fuckers don't value the lives of their employees or their kids (they're also changing the shifts to 11-7 p.m. every weekday for most of these branches, regardless of the fact that no daycare center in Queens is open later than 6:30 at night). Being totally brazen against a lawyer like me, however, is a new level of stupid that's just going to lead to death. Little Bitch has already caused problems for herself & is clearly not capable of any real responsibility since she can't actually face anyone directly, slacks off during working hours (as evidenced by her actions on a non-work related social media platform) & is apparently wasting our taxpayer dollars playing Administrative Tattletale/PR Queen/Censorship Police. Oh, and neither Little Bitch nor anyone else at that place has any right to censor the free speech rights of people who don't work there or punish their family/friends for the exercise of those free speech rights. I found this out for certain.
I dare Little Bitch to try shit with me. She can become a casualty as well & I will have zero qualms about it. After all, she rolled out the red carpet for trouble to come charging in. If anyone transfers my husband to some hellhole, they'll also be inviting trouble on themselves & perhaps their families as well. Have no regard for mine & I won't give a damn about yours. Why should I?
In case you're new to reading this blog, let me pass on some free advice. There are certain types of people you don't fuck with. Some examples:
1. Lawyers
2. Natural redheads
3. Anyone who works behind the scenes in the entertainment industry whether a producer, agent, director, executive, anyone who deals with a lot of BS & won't stand for it
4. People who have nothing left to work for or aspire to that will help society
5. People who have been kicked around forever; eventually, those people snap
6. Quiet types
7. Loners
How many murderers and serial killers fit at least one of these categories? How many violent crimes could be explained by one of these categories? When someone fits more of those categories, that means you don't fuck w/the person times a trillion. Add up those trillions for each category the person falls into & that's how much you should be avoiding problems with that person.
I know forcing involuntary servitude on folk will backfire & in a powerful way. Whether I'm in the thick of it or not depends on if I get to have the luxury of having something to aspire to & reasons to care about concepts like law and order.
Clearly, I'm not the sort of person who should ever have a union job. At least not one with this union. Actually, you should call it a faux union since they have a no strike clause. Do you need any more reasons to call it that?
For that matter, any union that has a no strike clause shouldn't even exist. My mother, herself an employee of UPS where the drivers have a union that actually works for THEM, even said that if you have a no strike clause, you have zero protection against management abuses. Imagine where SAG/AFTRA, the Teamsters or any other entertainment union would be if they had no strike clauses in their contracts. Who would join those? My husband didn't voluntarily join his; he was forced in. Nor did he ever vote for this "no strike" shit. Only a moron or someone taking kickbacks would support that. Funny but if I were taking kickbacks or anyone else I knew in the legal field were doing it, we'd be disbarred, suspended or at least publicly censured for it.
So as I left town I had to deal with that bullshit. Not Little Bitch but the whole news aspect; I vowed not to let Galante ruin my trip or send off (he's the prick responsible for this who performed his one humane act for me personally many years ago by passing on my husband's information to the proper person). I was going to see family members I care about. Decided it was better to call it a trip not a vacation. A "vacation" implies that your journey will be relaxing & free of stress. That's definitely not the case when I go to NC.
When I go to NC, I feel like I'm in a straightjacket. Not a literal one but at least a metaphorical one. Though this time, maybe it was closer to literal since my sister & mother were trying to play fashion cop with me. Apparently, their hometown should be renamed to "Frumptown" or "Frumpville." Something with the word "frump" in it.
Being in that town makes me want to listen to Prince constantly as well as any sexually explicit song that's not okay for kids to listen to. Is it my relatives or is it the whole social climate down there? I'm not quite sure.
First off, when it's hot outside I'm not killing myself with layers or wearing a burka. I'm not Muslim or even a practicing Christian. I'm not practicing any religion.
Second, I also have horribly sensitive skin & hate getting sweat zits. They hurt.
Third, I'm an adult well over the age of 21. I have my own money & should be entitled to wear what I damn well please.
Fourth, I have the figure for shorter things, have never been mistaken for a prostitute & even if I want to dress like one, is it not my choice? Do I not get a right to be sexy once in a while? I won't have a figure forever so why shouldn't I get to enjoy it while I have it?
Fifth, I'm childfree. Here's another perk of being childfree: you don't have to dress like an old person when you aren't one & don't even look like one.
Finally, I live in New York Fucking City! Nothing I own is nearly as bad as countless things I've seen people wear. Even going naked or topless might not shock many New Yorkers though I wouldn't do full nudity. I've considered going topless on excruciating days (since it's not illegal to do it in NYC unless you're advertising) but I hate getting sunburn & know I would in a second if I did do that. Not to mention all the hassle I get anyway.
With it being in the 90s, I was wearing some new short shorts I got last year & a top I wore before my sister's wedding in a different color. This prompted a bunch of hand wringing, utter sexism and being told I should dress all boring because of my 8 year old nephew. I think them initiating this conversation in front of him was probably worse than anything I could have worn. Not to mention that my nephew will likely learn more bad things from his own parents & television than he'll ever get from being around me, a relative he rarely sees. I even pointed this out to my mother, who did give me that point.
I asked if my sister plays fashion police with everyone who comes to her house & everyone who appears in public around her kids. Can you imagine walking up to strangers & telling them their top shows too much cleavage for your precious little babies? How about actually being a decent parent? My mom was like "Oh, no one dresses like that." I said that the majority of my sister's friends are parents; I'm childfree & that's one of the perks.
My sister even had the nerve to say she couldn't believe my husband "lets [me] go out like that." Pissed me off. I pointed out that my husband doesn't "let" me do anything since I'm an adult & we treat each other as such. Plus, I've gotten hit on & harassed while wearing pajamas, grubbies and my working clothes at Godiva. No cleavage or excessive leg showing necessary. Therefore, no sense in demanding me to dress like a frump. I'll get hit on anyway. My husband also knows this & accepts that reality just as I do. If that's the case, why not let me dress to my comfort & taste?
Plus, I was supposed to be relaxing and on a pleasure trip not going to work or a business function. Why should I have to wear anything different in my "off" time? I'm also at the point in my life where I insist on being myself around people who claim to care about me, including relatives considering I'm an adult & feel it's artificial of me to be something I'm not. How can you have a real connection with someone if you can't even be yourself around them? I feel you can't. What's the point in preserving such a relationship?
My mom said that apparently I scare the country boys in her area since they're not used to women dressing like me.
If we could apply that to my hometown, maybe that explains why I couldn't buy a date there while I had to practically get a stick to beat guys off from college onward. I also said when my family visits me, I should demand that they dress like they're in NYC if they're going to insist that I dress like someone in their area. Adapt to MY culture, damn it! I'd at least get a laugh from it. At least they will take public transit & aren't assholes to gay people. Nor do they go lecture strangers but apparently, they find it okay to lecture to me.
I'm still hardcore childfree, by the way. Oh, yes!! I love my niece & nephews (especially the eldest since I can talk to him and he actually cared about my presence) but no way could I do what my sister's doing. I've not got the patience for little kids and both my mother & sister seemed to get all offended because I yelled at my over 2 year old nephew for screaming at random. First off, I don't hang around small kids on a regular basis. Second, I do have eardrums & if you're screaming a short distance from them human nature is to react. Third, being around small kids is emotionally exhausting for me & if I had to parent them it would be worse. Not something that interests me (never an interest of mine, in fact) & I feel that's a task for people who actually want to do it, not someone who'd resent it like I would.
Oh, and you may like this if you're childfree.
If you want to kill someone's libido though, small kids work pretty well. Maybe that's another reason I'm not interested; I'm not about to give up my sex life. Remember, my marriage isn't typical & I'm rebellious by nature. Sex was a huge forbidden zone topic in my upbringing; compared to the women in my immediate family, I may as well be a former prostitute even though my experience is closer to that of the average person.
Speaking of people who might as well be prostitutes, seems it's a good thing I got rid of last year's black hole. The attempted wedding wrecker apparently learned nothing & is still doing the same shit. Only now she's pregnant, this guy is unemployed & somehow, women are dropping their panties for him like he's Hugh Heffner instead of an unemployed illegal with a baby mama.
Tell me something: if you're going to debase yourself for some guy, why would you ever do it for an unemployed guy with zero ambition? I think debasing yourself for anyone is a shitty idea but if you're going to do it, why would you not at least pick a guy with money, fame or something scarce? Some people seriously need to expand their social circles & raise their standards a little; you can find good sex & you can certainly find a guy with enough, if you get my meaning. I do know of some single male attorneys; I'm sure some of them will happily treat you like shit & at least not be around enough to get on your nerves. Perhaps they'd even pay for dates & might buy you presents; not all of them are unemployed or making poverty wages after paying student loan debts. It just occurs to me that I bet this guy doesn't even pay for dates with my former friend.
Shallow things to concern yourself with but it just piles onto the whole "Why debase yourself for someone?" issue. Felt like I had a close call there but I can't be friends with someone who changes into a person I not only don't recognize but can't even respect.
Getting to NC was also a close call experience. My train was about 3 hours late (I won't fly b/c they also have delays & I won't subject myself to a strip search/grope fest/invasive bullshit that violates basic civil liberties & brands me as a criminal with no proof to get on a plane). One of those delays was due to some trees that fell on the tracks. We were literally 7 minutes away from the station I had to get off at & we had to wait for what felt like ages. It's worse when your cell phone has died, you left your charger at home & you don't have internet access to send e-mail. At least I was in business class (if you can afford it, I highly recommend it to save yourself time & heartaches) so they did give us updates.
Apparently, if we'd been there 20 minutes earlier one of these trees could have fallen on our heads. After hearing that, I thought "This has to be a sign that things will work out in my life. Otherwise, God, what was the point of sparing my life today if it's all going to fall apart in two weeks?" If God sees everything, then God knows how you're going to react to things already.
More points on religion that I never got: no one ever believes a gay relationship/marriage or an abortion were part of God's plans for anyone. Either God is the ultimate mastermind & everything you do is part of the plan (including all this "sinful" stuff) or God's an observer who casts people off to Hell for violating things that don't make sense and were probably distorted by sexist white guys who had some power in biblical times. Make up your mind; I don't have a stake here. This is part of my late night contemplating. Whether things actually work out remain to be seen. You'll either get to see the rise or the fall.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Slate.Com Published My Writing!
Seriously in their XX Factor blog. Here's the link if you want to read it. It's edited but if you've been reading this blog, you know it's true. Plus, it's no secret I'm childfree & if there was a cause to be known for, I can't think of a better one than more responsible parenting and the encouragement of the childfree movement.
I honestly hadn't thought about the "why" of being childfree until I read about one child-free woman's experience on Slate & the part where they were inviting people to share their stories & their "why." My "why" took some time but it did occur to me that my past experiences probably shaped my decision.
You'll note I'm not a child hater, I just don't think children should be viewed as a punishment or like toys or pets you play with for a while and then get bored with.
I'm not going to bother reading comments there since there are lots of inbred, ignorant trolls who post remarks & frankly, I haven't got the time for it. I've had enough of my own shit to deal with and boy, do I have entries to write.
One experience even dealt with something I've been preparing for in my career & generally once I did well: random people from the past coming out of the woodwork. Worse yet, random relatives possibly trying to use DNA to justify the reappearing act.
More details on this when I've got real time to write it out.
I honestly hadn't thought about the "why" of being childfree until I read about one child-free woman's experience on Slate & the part where they were inviting people to share their stories & their "why." My "why" took some time but it did occur to me that my past experiences probably shaped my decision.
You'll note I'm not a child hater, I just don't think children should be viewed as a punishment or like toys or pets you play with for a while and then get bored with.
I'm not going to bother reading comments there since there are lots of inbred, ignorant trolls who post remarks & frankly, I haven't got the time for it. I've had enough of my own shit to deal with and boy, do I have entries to write.
One experience even dealt with something I've been preparing for in my career & generally once I did well: random people from the past coming out of the woodwork. Worse yet, random relatives possibly trying to use DNA to justify the reappearing act.
More details on this when I've got real time to write it out.
Saturday, April 28, 2012
General Musings, Part 28
Ahhh...so many things I want to write & so little time to do it (yeah, if you're one of those people constantly employing "Tl;dr" [too long, didn't read] you have no business reading this blog; morons can go for entertainment in plenty of other places).
So, some life updates first. I decided to buy my own domain name for this blog so now you can also get here by typing www.theangryredheadedlawyer.com
Makes it more official. After all, humanity will piss me off in some fashion probably even after I'm dead. No one will let me dye my hair or change it around. Those of you who get to dye your red have the luxury of changing it; I don't. I'll have to stick to wearing wigs if I want to change my hair color without screwing up the natural one I have. As for the lawyer part, people thought I acted like one long before I was officially licensed as one.
First off, I started a basic intermediate level acting class. It's been something else I've been meaning to do & felt that if I was going to build up training on my acting/performance resume, it would be a must have. Seeing a Living Social deal for one made the choice of where to go much easier, though talking to one of the instructors clinched the choice to buy.
In my entertainment experiences, I've also seen that whole circle start to overlap in my networking efforts. In fact, I was talking to an acting coach recently who said my name was familiar to him. People seem to know my business partners or someone I had a conversation with at a networking event or even people I know from networking groups. This particular article definitely rings true. If you think networking is a waste of time in entertainment, you either haven't been in this business very long or you're a moron.
I started noticing this maybe a year ago but it's become even more blatant & obvious to me now. Does that mean you've arrived or that your reputation is proceeding you in a profound way?
On that note, let's also point out for the hundredth millionth time that you need to behave like a civilized person to everyone you encounter. I take notes on who did what to me or mine & if someone says to me "Don't deal with that person b/c (s)he did X,Y & Z" I will take it seriously if it's coming from one of my contacts or someone like a producer, agent, director, etc. whose job consists of screening out the BS & making the creation of art as easy + painless as possible. This also holds true in the legal field & among lawyers. If one of my lawyer contacts says you're a prick, that's enough for me to not give you a chance.
One discovery in my day job: there are quite a few lawyers who don't answer the knocking door of opportunity or consider networking. With all you hear about networking in the legal community & how important it is (it's probably more important than a high GPA or what law school you attend), you'd think no one would be hanging up on me or not listening to what I had to say in that job. Some people desperately need to get out of their self-important bubbles.
Second, I need friends with money. Not to borrow any, mind you. I need friends with money so they WON'T ask me for it. They'd also understand people bugging them to borrow money. I've been in that boat quite recently & in a family situation to boot. Friends who understand families trying to guilt you after you've gotten injured trying to help them & then want to weasel out of paying you on time. If people have said you should be a loan shark, I could use the company. The irony here is that these same family members call other ones "takers"; I may end up saying "Look in the mirror. You're trying to take from ME!"
I have a little less attitude toward my aunt who got burned by them & hasn't been paid back but I still think she was a bitch when calling up my sister right after her first husband died & being completely insincere about it (at least in her tone of voice when she left her message). I said at the time that my father should have confronted her on her shit. I now totally understand people who say they don't loan money to friends or family. I get it! I also wondered if that was my future: getting pestered for money all the time, especially one I really have it.
Finally, my foot's been better but I'm now using a cane for crowded moments. Do you think most people are decent to you on public transit when you have a cane? Ha! I've come close to knocking people upside the head in the morning commute for being in my face or daring to get attitude with me when I don't move in (since I can't do that holding of the top poles even when I have 2 good legs & very little on me). Hubby says I should be off it soon but my foot will be sore for a while & the 1% of healing takes the longest. I wonder what will it be. Days? Weeks? Months? Years? Or will it just be something that makes me an old lady even quicker?
So, now for those general musings:
Some of these are late but welcome to more stupidity among school authorities. You can see it here, here, here & here.
Here's my take on all this.
1. The cerebral palsy thing is just wrong, period. I don't think you have to say much more than that.
2. The "lesbian picture" story reminded me of a photo my mom saw in my senior yearbook of this lesbian couple in my class (who, by the way, I didn't know was a couple since I didn't keep track of them & wasn't friends with either of them plus I had my own shit to deal with). Nobody banned that one & my mother complained about it to us privately but didn't call the school, file a lawsuit or act like my little virgin eyes would explode from seeing it.
Are school administrators these days total pussies or should I blame the parents for not waking up to the realities of the real world? If my very strict, religious mother isn't naive to the realities of our modern times, why the hell can't these people get it together? I'll bet THEIR kids got to watch "The Simpsons" & "In Living Color" in reruns or when they were originally on.
3. The "no hugging" thing is also stupid. I'll guarantee this school doesn't have a drama department or their actors suck if they do. Touching people is part of the whole acting experience & being able to trust your fellow actors/truly do better work on stage. Not graphic touch but hugging would certainly be included.
Even my religious private school where you couldn't say "butt" & the cheerleaders had to wear knee length skirts didn't have such a rule!
4. The prom dress thing: personally, I have a more nuanced view here.
First off, you have to consider that in my prom going days longer dresses were in vogue. No one wore cocktail dresses. That's what most of these short dresses are: cocktail dresses.
I'm totally prejudiced to a long dress. Think about it: how many times are you ever going to get to wear one? You can wear cocktail dresses to clubs. You can wear them to networking events in bars or film screenings or other entertainment/cultural events. They're also perfect for bachelorette parties & if you have ugly legs or a fat waist, the right style of long gown will cover some of that. Some women have no business in a cocktail dress & should spare the rest of us. Hell, if you want to be an adult star or take your clothes off you could also wear one to Hugh Hefner's mansion.
I think short dresses are too casual for a prom or a formal. Plus, with so many other places you can wear them (unless you're going to be a teen mommy, not have a bachelorette party & never go out again) why the hell would you pick a cocktail dress for a prom? To me, it's gauche. It's like wearing your workout clothes or something.
Hell, if you're going to flaunt your wares go do it at some club where guys with money hang out or even in a college party! Go score a sugar daddy or at least a guy who might have some real skills if you want to get laid that badly. I doubt most of these kids go to school with the sons of multimillionaires so it's just going to waste, ladies. Plus, college doesn't have that dress code crap. No one ever turned us away from frat parties for short dresses.
However, that being said I do know the shorter dresses were the rage in the '80s. Did schools do this then? If they didn't, doesn't anyone else think it's needless bitching & whining? I do favor the long formal gown since you'll look like a princess but I also think it's pathetic to institute a "no cleavage at all" rule & think the "inappropriate" dresses aren't exactly porn star wear. I just think it's too casual. Aren't we also talking about 18 year olds? They could easily just go to a college party & to some clubs as well as sleep with adult men without the law being concerned unless it was rape.
I also find high school dress codes for women horribly sexist for the most part as well as not enforced consistently. I'll bet if some cheerleader showed up in one of these verboten dresses, she'd not have any problems.
Things like this just tells me more school administrators need to get laid. Maybe if they were having fulfilling sex lives, they'd stop being such pills to the students & the community at large. Same for some of these parents.
Finally, it's CHILDFREE bitch! This has pissed me off as well for reasons that have been explained a million times already here. Yes, I'm childfree. Now get over it.
So, some life updates first. I decided to buy my own domain name for this blog so now you can also get here by typing www.theangryredheadedlawyer.com
Makes it more official. After all, humanity will piss me off in some fashion probably even after I'm dead. No one will let me dye my hair or change it around. Those of you who get to dye your red have the luxury of changing it; I don't. I'll have to stick to wearing wigs if I want to change my hair color without screwing up the natural one I have. As for the lawyer part, people thought I acted like one long before I was officially licensed as one.
First off, I started a basic intermediate level acting class. It's been something else I've been meaning to do & felt that if I was going to build up training on my acting/performance resume, it would be a must have. Seeing a Living Social deal for one made the choice of where to go much easier, though talking to one of the instructors clinched the choice to buy.
In my entertainment experiences, I've also seen that whole circle start to overlap in my networking efforts. In fact, I was talking to an acting coach recently who said my name was familiar to him. People seem to know my business partners or someone I had a conversation with at a networking event or even people I know from networking groups. This particular article definitely rings true. If you think networking is a waste of time in entertainment, you either haven't been in this business very long or you're a moron.
I started noticing this maybe a year ago but it's become even more blatant & obvious to me now. Does that mean you've arrived or that your reputation is proceeding you in a profound way?
On that note, let's also point out for the hundredth millionth time that you need to behave like a civilized person to everyone you encounter. I take notes on who did what to me or mine & if someone says to me "Don't deal with that person b/c (s)he did X,Y & Z" I will take it seriously if it's coming from one of my contacts or someone like a producer, agent, director, etc. whose job consists of screening out the BS & making the creation of art as easy + painless as possible. This also holds true in the legal field & among lawyers. If one of my lawyer contacts says you're a prick, that's enough for me to not give you a chance.
One discovery in my day job: there are quite a few lawyers who don't answer the knocking door of opportunity or consider networking. With all you hear about networking in the legal community & how important it is (it's probably more important than a high GPA or what law school you attend), you'd think no one would be hanging up on me or not listening to what I had to say in that job. Some people desperately need to get out of their self-important bubbles.
Second, I need friends with money. Not to borrow any, mind you. I need friends with money so they WON'T ask me for it. They'd also understand people bugging them to borrow money. I've been in that boat quite recently & in a family situation to boot. Friends who understand families trying to guilt you after you've gotten injured trying to help them & then want to weasel out of paying you on time. If people have said you should be a loan shark, I could use the company. The irony here is that these same family members call other ones "takers"; I may end up saying "Look in the mirror. You're trying to take from ME!"
I have a little less attitude toward my aunt who got burned by them & hasn't been paid back but I still think she was a bitch when calling up my sister right after her first husband died & being completely insincere about it (at least in her tone of voice when she left her message). I said at the time that my father should have confronted her on her shit. I now totally understand people who say they don't loan money to friends or family. I get it! I also wondered if that was my future: getting pestered for money all the time, especially one I really have it.
Finally, my foot's been better but I'm now using a cane for crowded moments. Do you think most people are decent to you on public transit when you have a cane? Ha! I've come close to knocking people upside the head in the morning commute for being in my face or daring to get attitude with me when I don't move in (since I can't do that holding of the top poles even when I have 2 good legs & very little on me). Hubby says I should be off it soon but my foot will be sore for a while & the 1% of healing takes the longest. I wonder what will it be. Days? Weeks? Months? Years? Or will it just be something that makes me an old lady even quicker?
So, now for those general musings:
Some of these are late but welcome to more stupidity among school authorities. You can see it here, here, here & here.
Here's my take on all this.
1. The cerebral palsy thing is just wrong, period. I don't think you have to say much more than that.
2. The "lesbian picture" story reminded me of a photo my mom saw in my senior yearbook of this lesbian couple in my class (who, by the way, I didn't know was a couple since I didn't keep track of them & wasn't friends with either of them plus I had my own shit to deal with). Nobody banned that one & my mother complained about it to us privately but didn't call the school, file a lawsuit or act like my little virgin eyes would explode from seeing it.
Are school administrators these days total pussies or should I blame the parents for not waking up to the realities of the real world? If my very strict, religious mother isn't naive to the realities of our modern times, why the hell can't these people get it together? I'll bet THEIR kids got to watch "The Simpsons" & "In Living Color" in reruns or when they were originally on.
3. The "no hugging" thing is also stupid. I'll guarantee this school doesn't have a drama department or their actors suck if they do. Touching people is part of the whole acting experience & being able to trust your fellow actors/truly do better work on stage. Not graphic touch but hugging would certainly be included.
Even my religious private school where you couldn't say "butt" & the cheerleaders had to wear knee length skirts didn't have such a rule!
4. The prom dress thing: personally, I have a more nuanced view here.
First off, you have to consider that in my prom going days longer dresses were in vogue. No one wore cocktail dresses. That's what most of these short dresses are: cocktail dresses.
I'm totally prejudiced to a long dress. Think about it: how many times are you ever going to get to wear one? You can wear cocktail dresses to clubs. You can wear them to networking events in bars or film screenings or other entertainment/cultural events. They're also perfect for bachelorette parties & if you have ugly legs or a fat waist, the right style of long gown will cover some of that. Some women have no business in a cocktail dress & should spare the rest of us. Hell, if you want to be an adult star or take your clothes off you could also wear one to Hugh Hefner's mansion.
I think short dresses are too casual for a prom or a formal. Plus, with so many other places you can wear them (unless you're going to be a teen mommy, not have a bachelorette party & never go out again) why the hell would you pick a cocktail dress for a prom? To me, it's gauche. It's like wearing your workout clothes or something.
Hell, if you're going to flaunt your wares go do it at some club where guys with money hang out or even in a college party! Go score a sugar daddy or at least a guy who might have some real skills if you want to get laid that badly. I doubt most of these kids go to school with the sons of multimillionaires so it's just going to waste, ladies. Plus, college doesn't have that dress code crap. No one ever turned us away from frat parties for short dresses.
However, that being said I do know the shorter dresses were the rage in the '80s. Did schools do this then? If they didn't, doesn't anyone else think it's needless bitching & whining? I do favor the long formal gown since you'll look like a princess but I also think it's pathetic to institute a "no cleavage at all" rule & think the "inappropriate" dresses aren't exactly porn star wear. I just think it's too casual. Aren't we also talking about 18 year olds? They could easily just go to a college party & to some clubs as well as sleep with adult men without the law being concerned unless it was rape.
I also find high school dress codes for women horribly sexist for the most part as well as not enforced consistently. I'll bet if some cheerleader showed up in one of these verboten dresses, she'd not have any problems.
Things like this just tells me more school administrators need to get laid. Maybe if they were having fulfilling sex lives, they'd stop being such pills to the students & the community at large. Same for some of these parents.
Finally, it's CHILDFREE bitch! This has pissed me off as well for reasons that have been explained a million times already here. Yes, I'm childfree. Now get over it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
