Thursday, April 29, 2010

Can an Outsider "Break Up a Marriage?"

For some reason, the universe decided to plant this one in my mind today. When I start checking e-mail earlier in the day, I see a story about John Edwards' former mistress & how she apparently went on Oprah. She talked about people claiming she "broke up" the marriage of John & Elizabeth Edwards.

Then I FINALLY caught the new GSN Network show Baggage, hosted by Jerry Springer. Cool concept & I like trying to figure out what my husband would consider a deal-breaker from the baggage presented in various rounds. Watch this show for yourself; it's great.

Anyhow, guess what one of the female contestant's baggage is in the 2nd round: I Broke Up a Marriage. The male contestant selecting a date decides to eliminate that female.

I absolutely HATE the idea that an outsider to any marriage can break one up; it's total garbage!!! Even if your spouse was raped, that's still not going to break up a marriage b/c there was no consent & I doubt your spouse enjoyed it.

My mother, a pretty wise & sharp woman, said something very true back when my sister was dating her late husband. She told her that no one can "steal" a man from you. That man decides whether to go off w/someone else or not. Same goes for women.

So if you believe that no one can "steal" your significant other, you pretty much have to accept that no 3rd party can "break up" your marriage. If your spouse leaves you for somebody else, then guess what? Your spouse doesn't love you. Your spouse doesn't want to be with YOU and if it hadn't been that particular person, it would have been someone else sooner or later.

When I saw this on TV today, I told my husband I wouldn't be nearly as angry w/a person he cheated on me with if he ever did it as I would be at HIM. He'd be the one deciding to throw our marriage away & he'd certainly have to decide to cheat before our marriage could be broken.

This should explain why I find the idea of someone other than a member of the marriage breaking up a marriage to be ludicrous. Someone in the marriage has to decide to cheat before that can happen.

I also don't think you should get married unless you know in your heart you want to be w/that person forever + can be there through thick & thin. Whether you have kids or what religion you follow, it's far less complicated to stay married to the same person than it is to get a divorce. Now sometimes, divorce is necessary but don't start a marriage in the hole.

My law school experiences in Family Law class + the legal clinic were a perfect example of why you'd better not get married unless you're doing it for the right reasons & you are serious about making that type of commitment to someone before family, friends & the deity of your choice. I know my husband & I thought very carefully & discussed potential deal-breakers before walking down the aisle.

Some couples (and some people, for that matter) just shouldn't get married & I don't think society does anyone any favors by encouraging bad marriages. Just my thoughts.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

The Bystander Effect & City Living

This happened not too long ago in Queens.

A lot of people are ragging about how heartless New Yorkers are & that all these passerby are evil people. Here's my two cents:

A) I know all about the bystander effect. I heard the story of Kitty Genovese in Psych class & we studied that phenomenon in my class. One of the things that we looked at is when someone will help out vs. when someone won't.

People tend to help in these situations:

* The person in need looks like them
* The bystander isn't in a hurry
* There aren't many people around or someone has been told to do something
* There isn't as much a risk of danger to the bystander for helping out (as in, it's daylight, you don't fear being sued or fined by the police if it turns out you make a false report to 911, etc.)

People are less likely to help in these situations:

* The person in need doesn't look like them (old man vs. young woman going by)
* The bystander has somewhere to be
* It's a crowded area (everyone assumes someone else in the vicinity has already called 911 or will take care of the problem)
* Lots of danger to the bystander for getting involved (bad neighborhood, the bystander doesn't know the area, laws discourage Good Samaritan behavior or mistaken attempts to help someone, scams by people looking like the person in need, etc.)

B) As a woman, you have to be careful at all times. I remember living in Atlanta and driving by myself. I always had my doors locked, never made eye contact with anyone approaching my car & simply moved on my merry way.

I was once trying to get into a MARTA station & this guy tries to tell me that all the other turnstiles are malfunctioning except the one he's standing directly in front of; I was not stupid so I took a different turnstile & thought "You think I'm THAT stupid, asshole?" Another time, some man tried harassing me at a train station and claimed to know me. We had a brief conversation, he didn't approach me but tried to keep me around & I simply dash off saying "I have to go."

I swear for all the talk about Southern hospitality, I had more creepy incidents happen to me in 4 years of living in Atlanta than I have in 3 years of living in NYC. Though the creepiest thing that happened to me in NYC happened right in my own neighborhood. I was ready to go into a gas station I was walking toward to call the cops on this guy that decides to speak to me & say some nasty sexual remarks despite my being married. I even mentioned that my husband would cut his dick off for even speaking to me & dumbass didn't get a clue.

Even in New Haven, I saw someone approach a car in front of me one day when I was driving from the train station. My husband & I wondered who'd be so stupid to let a total stranger near their opened car door. I certainly wouldn't.

I also had a close friend in college who was in an attempted abduction situation in her own neighborhood complete w/being threatened by a man w/a knife. She got away but it definitely had an impact on her.

Point is, women are conditioned not to get involved in situations. They might if it were a woman their age but generally speaking, it's unreasonable & unfair to brand a woman as heartless for not approaching strange men who could hurt her physically. Some of us value our lives & personal safety, thank you VERY much.

C) The "city people are evil" thing: guess what? There are scam artists, beggars & shadiness going on all the time in major cities, especially NYC. Don't kid yourself in thinking it doesn't happen in small towns but it is more prevalent around here. As many people commenting on this story have said, you can't get involved in every little thing if you want to survive here. It can be hazardous to your health & safety. There are evil & desperate people in the world who take advantage of human kindness; you can't be a moron or too trusting.

As for this story in particular, I think the assholes who caused the whole thing should come forward & be liable for this man's death. I don't have much sympathy for the woman since for all we know, she didn't even bother calling 911, probably still went home w/the killer & will cover for him. My own husband would NEVER physically harm me or attack someone who tried helping me.

The area of Queens where this happened also has some very bad sections; I don't know that area of Jamaica too well but if it's in the bad area + this was early in the morning, much harder to get help. If it was me walking alone, I would have to see blood or I'd assume it was some homeless person sleeping or passed out drunk. You see that all the time in NYC. I also wouldn't go touching a stranger & most likely would call the cops in some safe location like a well lighted restaurant away from the action in case it was a set-up.

I also think the guy who took a picture w/a cell phone should be publicly identified & held accountable by the public for his actions. You can't legally go after someone who chooses not to be a Good Samaritan (in other words, you have no duty to help anyone unless you start to undertake efforts to provide help).

BUT...if you could snap a cell phone pic, you could have called the authorities. I hope this guy ends up lying dead somewhere & someone does the exact same thing to him. That would be karma!

My husband said if you'd called 911 in that situation, you can't say anything about it being a homeless guy. Some people said you have to tell the cops it's a white person so they'll show up. And you wonder why Black & Hispanic people particularly hate the police; I'm not crazy about certain ones but try to view any group as having both good and bad people in it + not punishing the good people for the actions of the bad ones. I've personally had good interactions w/the police but have family & friends who've experienced bad ones so I know it happens.

So I agree w/those who say it's a societal problem. It's huge but I can't really offer a solution. Maybe some of you have one?

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Why It's a BAD Idea to Look at Potential Employee's Social Media

To those thinking it's a good idea to screen out your potential applicants: I'm going to give you a real life example of why the courts need to handle this & will hopefully crack down VERY soon.

I got an unsolicited resume from someone who actually has experience at doing what I've been asked to do. Very impressive experience, in fact the best resume I've gotten for the film company that didn't come from an ad posting. Usually, I get things from actors or potential interns.

So as most people do these days, I decide to do an online look-up on the name. I'd spoken to this person & hadn't had a problem thus far; it's just a matter of waiting on what the powers that be want me to do & perhaps an eventual in-person interview.

I find this person's Facebook page. What I find is this person's "pages," the subjects/institutions/etc. you can become a fan of. Based on that, I get a lot of information on where this individual stands on certain social issues.

Now, for me it's irrelevant unless you're some KKK member or religious fundamentalist. Neither stance would serve you well in an entertainment company that has as part of its mission the creation of films that the black community can relate to (I'd feel like asking if you're really sure you want to work w/us).

Legally speaking, I don't think those sorts of things should matter if you are doing your job properly, listening to the boss & not bringing your politics to the office. Much as I can't stand racists, if the person's not making racist jokes at work or a work event, disparaging other people or not doing their job/listening to all supervisors regardless of race, it's still not my job as an employer to tell you how to live.

But what if some employer like Chick-Fil-A found out someone was gay by one of these searches? Are they going to say "no, we won't hire you" despite that person's background or fitness to do the job? Most people would say that's wrong. Or if you see someone's picture & you learn they are a member of a minority group: would you refuse to interview or hire someone based on that while making up BS about the interview or the experience???

The cynic in me says crap like this happens EVERY SINGLE DAY. I have to wonder why you'd want to make it easier for employers to illegally discriminate. Very easy to do so when you're finding these profiles. Seriously, I want someone to file that unlawful discrimination lawsuit & see how a judge rules on this issue. Career advice articles are just telling people to essentially kow tow to this scheme by hiding who they are & it ticks me off; can't we just make things private? That's how I handle things.

Next thing you know, people will be denied jobs based on their spelling skills in a social media forum, their unwillingness to be marshmallows who never have a view on ANYTHING or the number of kids they have. Maybe they are already; if you have one of those stories, I've love to hear about it.

So if you're an employer with a conscience & a sense of fairness, maybe you should leave people's personal Internet identities alone. Stick to LinkedIn if you're THAT curious.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Bad Things Turning Into Good

Since I finished a paid writing assignment I was working on when everything happened with my old day job, I have now have had time to do some investigative work. If I weren't working in the entertainment field right now, I'd probably become a private detective.

Aside from being the person everyone asks for resume/cover letter help as well as the person everyone thinks will go on some massive shooting spree if she ever had a serious mental breakdown, I'm also good at tracking people down. I've never had to spend money & have a pretty good track record for finding information or people that aren't easy to find. The only downside is I'd need to work with people who are good at doing field surveillance & blending into a crowd; that would probably be a viable family business for us since my husband is good at that stuff & even knows potential people to recruit.

However, if you're getting ideas of how that would be such a great reality show I'd forget it.

For one thing, we're not all that big on being in the public eye. I've gotten a glimpse on what things will be like for an actor who makes it big or even a director or producer; working in this industry & meeting people w/connections makes you develop a new respect for public figures. That's also why I'm more than happy to take smaller acting roles & don't want to be the lead actor on anything; let someone else deal w/the media frenzy. If you are fine w/being famous, more power to you.

Second, we're stubborn & ornery people. We couldn't set up situations or hire actors; it would have to be honest to goodness reality or we'd never do it. You won't catch us being sellouts. We dislike them so to avoid being hypocrites, we'd have to take action to avoid that path. It'd be very much "my way or the highway."

I know it's a contradiction. It is. Here I am working in a capacity that could very well lead to my having a larger public profile but I'm not a media whore. It's a duality that I have; I don't mind being known for being hard nosed, tough, capable or even a good actor/singer.

I do mind being told to lie about who I am or to be dishonest about something I care deeply about. I also want to keep my day to day life intact & not have to worry about being mobbed just for getting on the subway or people harassing my loved ones b/c of what I do or who I know. I can't imagine what it's like for famous actors & I figure eventually I'll know someone who does or will have to deal w/all that.

Maybe we're all like that: everyone wants to be known for the good things about themselves but they don't want the tabloids finding out about the time they did coke in college or the child they abandoned. No one wants to be harassed about being gay if they aren't ready to come out of the closet or reminded of their troubled home life.

I know how PR & marketing works but I simply have lines I will not cross. I'll never lie about being married or deny my spouse in public. I'm a relativist in many ways but I will call things as I see them if you ask me. My stance is simply "take me as I am or don't worry about me." I'm sure someone would end up butting heads w/me a LOT.

So in dealing w/the fall out from that scam company, I and some former co-workers are managing to get some connections we might not otherwise have. This is because when your scam artist is dealing w/high profile people & you're in a position or stature that requires you to warn these people so they don't also become victims, the duty to warn is greater than concerns over protocol. I would personally want to hear from someone before becoming a victim & losing money.

I figure my word probably carries more weight in all this than it would if I were just a college kid starting out or one of the actors; after all, I have legally regulated duties to tell the truth. I'm sure this is also true of some of my colleagues who have their own industry credibility & professional reputations.

So I'm hopeful that this whole spiderweb won't be all in vain & we'll all have new opportunities that actually work out. At least if others don't have to deal w/this con artist, I'll be satisfied.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

More Comments About Ineffective Government on Immigration Issues

So Arizona has decided to step up its crackdown on illegal immigration while Washington decides to employ illegals for their personal services & whine about problems without offering solutions. Bravo to them! See this story.

As to the civil rights complainers, read my previous entry on illegal immigration & my personal experiences w/that situation. It is my view that you DO NOT get the same constitutional rights as citizens. You want the protection of America's laws, maybe you should legally become an American instead of popping out babies you don't care for & "protesting" while you go out harassing citizens.

Those who aren't doing this aren't exactly stepping up & calling out the guilty ones, now are they? Maybe if you DID then people wouldn't hate you so much.

In light of all this, I find this story particularly interesting as well.

Definitely count me in that group that distrusts the government. If you are an intelligent person, you kind of have to. You also can't go around thinking anyone is going to care about your self-interest or have your back as the same level you would, regardless of what they might say. The minute you do, you're in big trouble.

In light of my history, it shouldn't be a shocker that I don't really trust most people & institutions. In my own high school, a teacher was fired my senior year for sleeping w/a student. She apparently took the male in question to the guidance office one day & one of the guidance office staff saw some things; I worked in that office at the time & heard about it from the adults who worked there. Another one was known to sexually harass young women. It just builds & builds from there.

Some of the stories & tales I've heard from various people in my life are so bleak/depressing/etc. that I should have no faith in humanity at all. To be honest, I don't have all that much & it's why I prefer dealing w/animals, in particular cats b/c I grew up with them.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Now This is a NEW Low...

Date: 2010-04-21, 10:32AM EDT
Reply to: [Errors when replying to ads?]

Part-time paralegal intern wanted. Must be able to work Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday from 9 a.m. to 12 noon. Additional hours may be available. Must be proficient in MS Word. Office is in Northport. Please send resume and best time to call you.

* Location: Northport
* Compensation: Intern
* This is a part-time job.
* Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
* Please, no phone calls about this job!
* Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

PostingID: 1702755576

Okay, what skills would one possibly need to know in order to become a paralegal instead of a "paralegal intern?" I worked as a referral paralegal after graduating from college & most of the people working w/me didn't have college degrees. Yet they did their jobs well & had years of experience.

I'll give this employer one thing: they're not asking for paralegal hours or "part-time" in lawyer land, which is full-time everywhere else. Give me a break, though. Unless your law firm is currently representing big name celebrities or has been in the press so much it's acquired it's own brand recognition, no job in any law firm is so damn SPECIAL that ANYONE should be working as an "intern." I think if any industry doesn't qualify as being sought-after, there's no business for it to offer up internships like they were pieces of candy.

I hope young people eventually revolt & tell these employers where to shove their "internships."

Monday, April 19, 2010

More Reasons to Hate High School Administrators

My husband was telling me about this story yesterday since Yahoo had a video of this family on one of the morning TV shows (I think it was the "Today" show?).

The school claims they had to turn on webcams to find their laptops.

I call BULLSHIT on their explanations & claims they didn't use images inappropriately. I also think they were dead wrong & the law should ban a school from using this type of technology. How come?

A) The reasons for turning on the webcam are flimsy at best. Do we not have methods for collecting our insurance payment?

How about a GPS style tracking system for the laptops?

What about shutting off the Internet or some other computer feature that teens love to use? If you don't have access to something, the kid's going to speak up sooner or later b/c the laptop would be worthless.

If web designers can disable a website when a client doesn't pay (remember "Single White Female," anyone?) then why can't these chuckle-heads do the same? Problem solved, no invading anyone's privacy.

B) Since when does the school have ANY interest in spying on people who don't go to the school? Do you really think you have any reason to spy on the child's family members, friends, patrons at Starbucks, whoever else might be in view of the webcam?

C) If the voyeurs claimed that watching these kids was their own "soap opera," I can promise you that if there's not inappropriate use of the footage, there will be.

I'll guarantee that some administrator will try to blackmail students to permit illegal activity so future employers won't see the footage where that child was drying off from a shower or masturbating in bed. Corruption is everywhere & you're an idiot if you think these people are beyond reproach. I bet some of the ones in my high school would have LOVED to get their hands on some way to blackmail me so I'd sit back & take crap like the infamous 10th gym class or have zero credibility w/anyone who could change things for the better.

I'm pretty sure they'd go even further & threaten to ruin some student's future in the job market or getting into college. School administrators have done some sinister things to high school students in the past so I wouldn't put this past them.

So, let's sum up here:

1. To punish a student for not paying $55 for insurance, school decides to turn on software that mysteriously activates webcams for hours on end.

2. Monitors of the footage see everything you do at home from scratching your butt, drying off after a shower, maybe even having sex (and you're an idiot if you don't think there's SOME footage of that).

3. School acquires footage that could cost this student thousands of dollars over his/her lifetime b/c as we all know, once it's on the Internet everyone takes it as gospel.

4. Student has to rely on the integrity of school administrators & faculty in making a single move in the future. If student's school personnel are vindictive pieces of trash who should have long since retired or never entered education in the first place, student may have to do everything short of providing (maybe even including, for all we know) sexual services to keep this footage under wraps.

Does anyone see a problem with this? I see some big ones. One of which is that employers need to get a grip on themselves in screening applicants. Maybe they should examine the context of a situation, respect the fact that people have LIVES (unlike robots) & different personae in different situations. That's sociological fact.

The second is any school or entity being permitted to do this. I'd be pretty ticked if a workplace was doing it as well but this is even worse, considering we're dealing w/minors.

God, I can't wait to see how a court handles this. I'm still waiting for lawsuits against employers for illegal discrimination or some type of illegal activity based on what someone does on the Internet in their off time. If they find in favor of the school, I'm going to encourage my sister, any parents & any kids I like enough to home school their kids.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Paying for a Date

I wasn't really sure if I'd addressed this one or not. I guess I didn't, even though it's something I feel very strongly about. Anyone who's dated me or talked to me about the subject knows where I stand on the issue: if you're a guy asking a woman out, pay for the damn date!

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Feminism & all that noise. I'm sure someone will dare to call me a hypocrite b/c I think guys should pay for dates unless the couple is living together/engaged/have combined their finances. Well, if you know some facts about me it's really not such a hypocritical stance. Here's why:

A) I was viewed as desirable by the time I was in college. Even today, guys STILL check me out. When something is desirable, it's worth a lot more right? Godiva chocolate is more expensive than Hershey's for a reason. Manhattan apartments are more pricey than apartments elsewhere. Why? Because lots of people want to live there.

So when you're talking about women who are prettier, smarter, whatever, you're going to have to work harder to get one. Women who are always getting asked out & are treated really well aren't going to put up with sub-standard nonsense. Most have some self-esteem.

B) Income divide. If the guy is out in the working world while the girl is a student or has no money, you're not going to win any points by expecting someone in dire straits to pay to go out w/you. In fact, she'll probably resent you for it.

C) People are flaky. Why invest in all this time & money if the relationship will just end in a month or so? It's especially stupid to do that if you know you won't be finding Mr. Right b/c of where you're living.

D) Liking YOU vs. your money. Why waste time w/someone who just wants to be around when you have money? Let's just eliminate the hangers-on right away. If they don't like you when you're poor, tell them to screw themselves if they bother to approach when you have $.

So, all of these factors applied to me in some way:

I had a lot of male attention from guys who NEVER expected me to pay for dates or even asked about it.

I later dated guys who were older than me + even most students didn't come from the dire straits I did.

My relationships were very short & I knew I wouldn't find Mr. Right in a city I had no plans to set up shop in; and

I was always hyper-ambitious & knew I'd be doing something great in life.

The difference b/t having this stance & being a gold-digger is I was never picky about venue. I'm still not; I never demanded to go to fancy places & if I did so, knowing my man couldn't afford it I would pay for it. He hates me paying for stuff, even after being married to me for 3 & 1/2 years. I'm also not a materialistic person though I have been exposed to finer things & do have some standards--I just view materials as a "take it or leave it" proposition.

Expecting me to pay, especially on a first date, would have ensured I'd never go out w/you again. My response is also "if a woman has 10 guys willing to take her out w/out making payment an issue, why should she pick your sorry ass that treats her like a buddy instead of a date?" I expect to pay when going out w/friends. There's no sense of impressing anyone when you expect the person to pay on a date.

I had this debate w/a male co-worker once & he said women should offer to pay, though decent men will refuse it. I never did this b/c I felt like it was an unnecessary dog & pony show; plus, what if the guy takes you up on it? You look stupid, you've wasted your money & you don't have any right to get mad about it. I wouldn't trap myself like that.

And for "the person who asks should pay" types, I never asked out anyone. That just wasn't in my personality & when people have openly told you to go away when you've simply approached them, you tend to be gun shy about that sort of thing. Plus, I simply never had to approach guys so I just saw it as a waste of time.

Oh, yes & I'm a wonderful cook. You can't really cook much in a college dorm but if I'd been given the chance, I'm sure I'd have done just fine.

Psychologically speaking, competition is a way of life. You're not going to win a decent woman's heart by being the biggest douchebag. This reminds me of a whole other rant about the stupid members of my gender who should be exiled for making women like me (especially those who are still single) look bad by association--look for it later.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Standing Up for Me

One of my biggest pet peeves is men using feminism to absolve themselves of treating a woman right. Just because I'm assertive doesn't mean you get to sit & watch while some guy harasses me or tries to violate me. I remember dating this guy that I call "Vampire Boy."

Oh, Vampire Boy...the relationship where I constantly wondered whether I was in love or not & learned I wasn't after meeting my husband. He would say stuff to me all the time like "Don't fall in love with me," but then say that I helped him recover from this brutal dumping by an ex.

Among this man's many flaws & transgressions, one thing really sticks out in my mind.

At the time, he fancied himself a wannabe musician. Called my singing voice "okay," so that definitely tells you something (most people tell me I'm very good/should sing professionally/you get the idea--at this point, I'm close to semi-professional). He starts working graveyard shift at this gas station & meets some musicians who live nearby. They invite him to a house party & for reasons I still can't figure out, he decides to go & takes me as well as two of his goth friends. He is Vampire Boy b/c he wore all black & my family only saw him at night (my mom gets the credit for this nickname).

When we get there, I notice that it's a lot like my college's frat parties but w/more people & a bigger house. This is definitely not the environment I expect Vampire Boy to want to be part of. As we walk in, he tells me that if anyone messes w/me I'm on my own since he's too small to defend me against anyone (he was my height of 5'6*).

I didn't think much of it at the time but again, I was merely dating him. I was talking about the issue of standing up for your woman w/my husband today & a thought occurs to me.

If someone gets good & mad, size doesn't matter. I'm sure plenty of people wouldn't want to mess w/me if I hit that point or think they could take me; that's just common sense. For that reason, I believe you shouldn't go around ticking people off regardless of what they look like since the smallest person in the room could easily fight dirty/know the exact pressure points to hit to knock you down/be a trained fighter/who knows. Anyone in a rage filled state isn't someone to mess with.

So if you can't get in a rage filled state over someone messing w/your spouse or serious girlfriend, I don't think you deserve to be w/that person. At least, I don't think a guy deserves me if he won't stand up for me in a situation. It means he doesn't care that much about you & if you can't count on that, you may as well be single.

My husband really ticked me off one time for not doing this & I've told him that if it ever happens again, we'd be talking divorce. Strong woman or not, he wouldn't deserve to be with me if he can't back me up or be there for me like I would for him. That kind of imbalance doesn't work in a marriage.

I think this easily applies to any woman. No man deserves your love if you can't be sure that he'd at least tell some jerk who's bothering you to back off. You can bet I'd NEVER let anyone mess w/my man; hurting him means you're going to pay in some form & everyone knows you don't mess w/an angry redhead. We're all crazy!!

And if a man is causing pain to you, that's even worse. Especially if it's physical. I have never been in an abusive relationship, probably b/c I lived w/my mother who famously said she didn't get why a woman would take that from a man since "they always go to sleep." The women in my family don't mess around; if you hit one of us, we just hit you right back & keep going if we have to. My mother put up w/a lot from my father but she said she'd never put up with infidelity or physical abuse from him. She didn't & my father knew better than to try it, even in his worst drunken rage.

In fact, he's often used the fact that we were never physically abused to excuse the other crappy stuff we were subjected to. That still ticks me off.

* As a side note, most of the guys I dated were close to my height. My family joked that I liked guys near my height so I could push them around but honestly, I've found a lot of romantic advantages to dating someone near your height (you can do this if you're 5'6 but probably not if you're 5'1). They also know I'd have never let ANY guy boss me around; my husband doesn't even do that.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

So Many Rants, So Little Time

That's how I feel at times b/c I always bookmark interesting articles that I have an opinion on but then times passes, other stuff goes down & I don't have time to address my points.

So maybe I can just post links & mention my general comments before talking about life stuff:

I covered this before on my post detailing my general thoughts on working for anyone other than yourself. Sorry, but any job that doesn't already have a culture of internships can't magically create it in a bad economy. All they can do is increase young people's hatred of those industries.

I hate these ads as well. Love how the pro-lifers want to act like every child is born to a good household & to fit parents, especially the ones who freak out at the idea of gay people adopting kids. We're not stupid & I saw the obvious pro-life bend the first time I saw one of these ads. Don't debate me on this one unless you're ready for a Julia Sugarbaker style tirade.

This is the Milgram experiment. For those who weren't psych majors in college, read up on it. Great stuff.

For this & this, I'll just repeat the basic sentiment I expressed in an earlier post. From my perspective, no employer wants you to be yourself & just wants you to be some robot. I have no clue why some of these people haven't just phased out human employees & replaced them w/robots like in that "Twilight Zone" episode. Believe me, I know people are not being honest or sincere in job interviews & really hate "dog & pony shows" anywhere; they're a waste of time.

Wow, something uplifting. Good luck to this guy & if more people followed his example, perhaps looking to local causes this world would be a far better place.

This pissed me off today & ensured I wouldn't vote for this guy in any future elections. I don't consider gay marriage any kind of threat to my own marriage or my straightness. Nor do I feel any compulsion to push my own religious views onto other people who don't follow suit. If I haven't sufficiently ranted on this topic, I will do so in the future.

Now, onto real life. I finally got the time to start really pursuing things w/this former employer who is still living in a delusion. Apparently, other people are also living in that state; too bad for them when reality hits & they can no longer work in this industry b/c their word means nothing.

Oh yes, and when a lawyer tells you to pay up & states their terms, it doesn't help you to start making things up and telling them what to do. When YOU owe something, you don't call the shots. It especially doesn't help when you KNOW the person is going to do what they want anyway & your word means nothing to him/her.

Apparently this guy has now become MIA & may be trying to skip town since other traces of him have disappeared from the Internet, he's blocked people's e-mail & apparently doesn't pick up the phone. Nor does his so-called "lawyer," who is licensed but a bigger newbie than me. Guess you'd need to be a newbie or horribly stupid to represent someone who's not going to pay you & probably costs you $ to deal with; I won't touch anything from now on w/out a minimum retainer so I can recover unpaid amounts.

Lawyers also have tricks up their sleeves & some of us are downright evil when it comes down to it. I consider myself evil only when I'm provoked in some way. Considering all I've gone through in life, it's a wonder I haven't gone out & done something sinister to these deadbeats who owe me money. Hint: having my career & things go well for me is my saving grace.

My basic philosophy is that when you leave intelligent people w/out any method to rise from their circumstances, you create future serial killers & master criminals. Society needs to use smart people for good things & let them get to that regardless of what family they were born to. Had I not had a way to move up, I'd either be dead or in jail right now since I wouldn't have any reason to care about aspiring to anything. How many people are being abused by employers & wasted in lower-level jobs? How many are taking it out on the company in some way?

Unlike most people, I don't have snobbery about job titles or treat someone like crap b/c of their title. I might be a hard-ass but I'm not a moron & think I know potential in the non-creative realm I deal w/when I see it. Guess it comes from my family members having lower level jobs, my husband doing custodial work & my working w/paralegals at a law firm job back in the day.

If I ever forget my humanity, I've told people to remind me & use force if they have to so I won't be a stereotypical executive.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

The Revolution

Well, I finally had the chance to see Michael Moore's latest movie, "Capitalism: A Love Story." As you might expect, it was definitely educational & one of those movies where you see one's biases shining through.

Despite that, there are some grains of truth to this one. First off, have you ever heard of something called "dead peasant insurance?" Check it out.

Had a chance to read up on it? Shocking, but it confirms my continued esteem for big business (sarcasm dripping like a wet sponge here). I didn't see any company I'd worked for or any that my family members worked for on there but next time I interview w/a major company, I think I'll be asking the interviewer about that. Either the interviewer will be completely confused, think I'm crazy or figure I shouldn't work there b/c I'm way too smart for the top brass to deal with. Or maybe someone will be impressed that I had the gall to ask about it.

Second, Michael Moore goes to some companies that apparently operate under a democratic system. The workers ALL have an equal vote on how things are run & pay is equal w/increases for more effort. Sounds good, huh?

Well, when I saw this part I asked my husband what they do when some worker is completely incompetent at the job? If their big concern is not firing people or leaving them homeless, what about the situation when someone is breaking a good, common sense rule like stealing? What if the person isn't even putting in any effort? Or what if there's absolutely NOTHING in the company that the person's talents can be used for? Maybe you could give someone more training or move him/her to a new department but what if absolutely nothing works? They should be out the door, right?

But I wonder how companies like that handle it. You can't have a successful, viable business or even a good company atmosphere if you're letting one person break the rules, not do the work or be lazy. At the end of the day, XYZ job isn't an entitlement.

While I think the concept in its simple form might inspire less hatred for big corporations, if you aren't cutting the dead weight regardless of position or who they know, you've got the same problems you always had. Sorry but if you're working for me, you're going to have to do the job, not steal and not go around picking fights. If you violate those basic rules, you're out & I won't shed a single tear for you if you're lazy or think my company owes you something. We don't!!

Finally, Michael Moore was discussing people who finally got off their butts to protest. I have a few observations worth noting on this:

1. When it's all said & done, I'm really somewhat of a radical at heart. I believe in following rules/laws that serve a useful purpose but at the same time, some rules/laws have to be broken. They might conflict with some basic legal principle, be completely arbitrary &/or have no rational basis for being followed.

So I'm all for civil disobedience in certain situations. If my husband & I had no quality of life, you can bet we'd not be sitting around bemoaning our fate or giving up like so many other people. Likely you'd see us leading protests & organizing people to get off up their butts to improve their situations in a more dramatic, noticeable fashion.

2. If you've been reading this blog for a time, you know that I'm not going to have kids. I have my own reasons but a big one is people use parenthood to become complacent. Certainly not ALL parents but I think many abdicate social responsibility & trying to improve their lives by claiming their kids need a "good role model."

Tell me, what are you teaching a child when you let life crap all over you & don't fight back? When you continue to blindly follow arbitrary & stupid laws or "company policies" when a boss is not behaving rationally? I'll tell you.

You're teaching that child not to EVER question authority, that employers should treat them like garbage & that they shouldn't dare to dream or get out of a miserable existence. Certain schools also reinforce this by having extreme punishments for minor behavior that doesn't fall in lock step with the administration's public image or that of the school.

So I think society's prodding of people to breed is an attempt to make the populace into sheep who blindly follow instead of wild horses who can't be tamed.

The parents, schools & others who encourage creativity, self-employment & assertiveness deserve praise. The sheriff profiled who refused to evict people & be the financial industry's lap dog kicks ass in my book.

Anybody who stands up & says "enough" in the face of bully tactics or arbitrary behavior deserves praise, respect and admiration since I know the nay-sayers are too chicken to get off THEIR butts and rock the boat.

3. The majority of people in politics should just be killed & cleared out so younger people can come in. The old are far too corrupt & anyone with a hand in things from back in the day to now should just be executed publicly for the public's own good. I think a new guard w/new values & who don't come from money would be far better at handling things--granted, not everyone w/money is an asshole but I think you need socioeconomic diversity before anyone's going to care so much about politics.

The current president hasn't really had a shot to do anything & if you got rid of the trash, I think you could see real change. Enforce some damn laws & enact Roosevelt's 2nd Bill of Rights if you want to see some actual improvement.

4. Some religious leaders aren't corrupt scumbags. I was shocked to hear some Catholic priests & a bishop of all sources saying that the current US economic system was evil, against Jesus' word, etc. I noted that these weren't people trying to get on TV every 5 seconds or involving themselves in politics.

5. Finally, being poor doesn't excuse you from personal responsibility. Maybe Michael Moore would disagree w/me on this but poverty means you work harder. It means you are aware of what might happen & if you really want to go somewhere, you rage as hard as you can against things that will hold you back.

I'm still aware of what could happen if I started drinking; since I know I'd very likely become addicted & end up like my father, I don't drink. Take someone's negative views of you & do you damnedest to prove that person wrong. No matter how hard something seems, make it your mission in life to do it. Don't become a single mother when everyone's expecting you to do it. Don't become a drug addict, an alcoholic, a criminal; it's more gratifying & fun to prove someone dead wrong. To make someone have to eat their words & look like a fool for counting you out.

I did that sort of thing so much, no one who knows me well bats an eyelash when I say I want to do something. No one ever tries to talk me out of it if they know I've succeeded at doing multiple things that were close to impossible.

So basically, I think there will be a major revolution sooner or later. For now, I've just been sitting back & waiting to see what happens.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

A Revelation

Because of the fact that everyone's got to look out for #1 in this world (since no one else will do it for you), I've been job hunting on Craig's List. Mostly b/c I don't have time to futz around w/endless interviews & jobs that might or might not be available in the near future. I find posters on Craig's List usually don't make you go through some nightmarish application process for a job that won't be filled for 3 months.

Due to my unusual career path + my absolute and total inability to work in a law firm (a big thank you to an attorney I met yesterday for confirming my rage against BigLaw), I mostly consider non-legal jobs such as writing opportunities or recruiting. I also look to legal positions that one would call non-traditional.

I applied for this one internship opportunity being solicited by another attorney. He said the projects I was doing sounded interesting (mentioning you work in my field always garners that response). He also confirmed that I was overqualified.

A realization occurred to me: I'm no longer just a hobbyist in the entertainment field. Maybe I haven't been in a while but after working in my disastrous day job, I'm really not feeling the job hunt so much. I never get responses despite having genuine enthusiasm for anything I apply for (remember, I don't waste time on BS) & everyone sees right through anything I say about working in the entertainment industry.

My other thought is "screw them", though. After all, I'm not going to lie about my interest in the field. I just can't do it. I'd also be an idiot to walk away from a field that I love & is so hard to get into to do something easy & safe. I don't feel a job should require the promise of servitude to an employer or a tattoo w/"property of [the company name]" on your backside; I'd tell anyone thinking I'd do that just where to go. Treat me w/respect & I'll do the same for you. Don't motivate someone to care about your interests & (s)he won't.

I also can't go back to worrying about corporate BS since I've been working on my own and in places where I've gotten respect; I come to this realization before hitting 30 but I figure I'm an old soul in a young body anyway.

The upside is anyone telling me I'm being silly or slacking off by working in entertainment is now officially a bona fide moron who can be ignored. I ignore naysayers anyway since I've done many things most people don't or are too scared to try. So at least I have that, eh?

Monday, April 5, 2010

Relocating for "Love"

Seeing that MTV's latest episode of True Life is "I'm Relocating for Love," I just have to address an issue that's been bothering me for years.

That is the idea that giving up your life, career prospects, friends, family, etc. for a relationship is somehow "sweet," "romantic" or in any way a GOOD idea. It's NOT!!!

It's pathetic. It's controlling. It's forcing someone's hand in a relationship & creating guilt on them if they break up with you. If you want to guilt someone into a serious relationship, why not just get pregnant w/the guy's baby? This is almost as bad.

I guess it's the only thing men can do to trap women into marriage or serious relationships.

You say no man wants to get married?! Read on:

When I was in college, I had a summer relationship w/a guy I refer to as Psycho Boy. Read other entries if you want more information about him.

Among his many sins, one of them was his near insistence on moving to Atlanta when he had NO reason to be there other than the fact that I was attending college there. He had no family or friends living there, no job & didn't even have a lifelong dream to live there. He'd have left his family, his job & friends to live I don't know where in Atlanta. I lived on a college campus at the time so even if I'd not wanted my separate space, living in my dorm room was out of the question. This guy visiting me became an emotional strain after a while.

I did not & still don't think it was the least bit sweet or romantic to offer that. I viewed it as an attempt to force me into a long-term relationship that I didn't want. I saw my future flash before my eyes & I didn't like it. That future was of being a homemaker to someone w/no ambition.

Even if you don't know me personally, it should be painfully obvious if you've read much of this blog that I'm not the sort who'd be a good homemaker. I had wild oats to sow & things to accomplish that weren't going to happen if I'd stayed with this man. I also didn't want to take blame for him moving to Atlanta & the relationship ending since I'd feel responsible if I'd told him to go ahead.

So I told him not to move to Atlanta unless he had ANY other reason to be there besides me. I don't think anyone should move someplace just to be with a significant other unless (s)he can live with that choice & isn't trying to force a relationship down the other person's throat.

You'd think this was enough, but no! A couple years later, another guy tried to force me into a serious relationship. This guy is known as Condo Man for living in a condo. He was 8 years older than me, an engineer & according to a guy friend of mine had "the social skills of a rock." Seriously, he made ME look like my sister when it comes to socialization & everyone knows I'm moderate at best while she's a regular social butterfly.

He mistook my needing a temporary place to stay that he voluntarily offered beforehand as our relationship going to next level. Oh, and he knew I was applying to law school out of state & that I was saving money to move to NYC.

He decides to get me a ring (a silver one that was much too big for me) & insisted that I wear it if I want to stay in his home. I remember him saying to me one night "I want to get married." Thanks. I knew he didn't care about ME, my feelings or what I wanted to do in life. I was just some chick for him to hitch his wagon to, so to speak. Love THAT feeling. Guess if you're desperate to get married, that's all fine & good.

It wasn't for me. I ended up getting a new place to live & eventually moved to CT for law school. I told him I was moving to a different Northeastern state since he had the nerve to call me up & ask about doing something for his birthday after we'd broken up b/c he wanted to sabotage my future. I call it sabotage when you're kicking me out of your home b/c I want to buy my own groceries, have gas in my car to get to work & don't want to marry you.

See why it's such a miracle that I ever got married? I figured that all marriages were about giving up your plans, identity, career, your very essence for someone else. I would never do that so I figured I'd be single forever. Then I met a man who felt the exact same way as me & actually supports me 100% on my endeavors. He'd be furious if I gave things up for him & vice versa.

He moved from CT to Long Island to be with me temporarily while I was finishing law school. You might think that would have ticked me off but it didn't for a few reasons:

1. He hated living in Long Island.
2. He hated his dead-end job that had nothing to do w/the degree he'd just gotten. There's a reason I call that place "the Hellhole."
3. If he hadn't, I would have had to end the relationship since I wouldn't have been able to afford to go see him. My law school roommate was moving out & my costs would have gone up tremendously if I'd gotten a one bedroom apartment instead.
4. I think he'd still be living in Long Island if he hadn't met me considering I'm the one who got him a job interview for his current position after he was too busy at the dead-end job to follow up with anyone.

Come to think of it, I've been a lot of people's "kick in the pants" to change their lives.

So I think he was smart enough to move for his own good, not just to be in a relationship with me. It also proved we could live under the same roof & not kill each other. I simply told him what I was facing & that the choice was his but that I'd have to move on if he wasn't going to do anything to help himself. He has very few friends who still live in Long Island or that he can even relate to since they self-segregate & do nothing but whine about their sad lives but do nothing to fix them.

Honestly, if my husband hadn't moved to CT it would have shown me that he wasn't the person I thought he was. He wouldn't have been an ambitious person out to make things happen for himself; he'd have been just like Psycho Boy, letting life control what he did & never taking any steps to control his fate.

Last I heard, Psycho Boy was still living in the same town I grew up in. In a sick, twisted turn of events, he's actually related by marriage to my sister's fiance. He apparently didn't remember my sister but I know if he saw me, he'd remember me.

See why I had to get out of my hometown? Thank God I did.

Sunday, April 4, 2010


I was watching the show "Undercover Boss" this evening & came across this article ages ago.

I also saw a recent blog post in the Evil HR Lady blog about one's worst "additional assignment."

Some of them made me appalled just hearing about them. I wrote a comment & basically outlined my basic rules of what I will or won't do for a company that isn't mine or where I know I'm not going to be micromanaged, harassed or essentially stymied from doing my job properly.

The biggest realization I've come to is there's no way I could work at most places at this stage in my life. Pretty much anything outside the entertainment industry or where I'm not viewed as a competent person capable of responsibility is NOT something I can do.

How come, you may ask? After all, I'm not even 30 years old yet. I'll probably be working for many, many more years.

Well, maybe some of these facts will clear this up:

1. I started working when I was 15. I also had jobs throughout college & when I've been able to get work, have been working for quite some time. If we count babysitting or cat sitting, I've been working since I was about 12. Count being the responsible sibling to my younger sister & I've been doing it since I was left home alone after school at 9 years old.

2. Working my butt off at certain jobs never yielded good results. I never got a raise or a promotion for putting in so much effort at JCPenney & at Godiva, nobody seemed to care that I was being told to put that retail job ahead of my education once the manager who hired me left.

3. I represented legal clients who didn't appreciate my efforts AT ALL. If anything drains your altruism, it's representing legal clients on your own when you don't have much experience & when people aren't paying you. I still won't represent anyone unless I know the person & that they won't try ripping me off.

4. I've simply been given opportunities where I'm viewed & treated as a competent professional. Once people think of you in that way, you can't really go back to an environment where you're seen as less useful than pond scum.

5. Finally, I just got out of working w/a con man where spending my personal funds would mean I'd gotten even more screwed than I did already. I feel really bad for my former co-workers who did that.

So if someone is unhappy, they shouldn't be doing something, right? That's the exact attitude I took in applying for jobs; I avoided anything where I knew I'd be miserable since it would be unfair to the employer & to me. I also lay out my terms ahead of time & if someone doesn't like it, that's their prerogative. At least I'm kind enough to give you forewarning.

I don't think it's unreasonable for me to say "no manual labor," "no janitorial services," "no doing stuff someone else presently working someplace should be learning how to be proficient at," and "no spending personal funds for business stuff." I'm a physical weakling & never worked as a janitor or create messes I won't clean. Not to mention my gag reflex.

The third thing has to do with delegation of duties: if someone else should be typing, it's silly to have me do it if I've got to work on legal stuff that only I'm qualified to do--that's bad management if you're not teaching someone who should be handling those tasks in their job title.

The last comes back to being screwed over by legal clients & major companies at large. Unless it's my business, I won't be spending my personal funds on a company. In my business, I'll get a benefit; I might not in someone else's business. I know I wouldn't even get a "thank you" in a huge corporation. It's simple "do right by me & I'll do right by you" logic.

"Undercover Boss" was interesting since the CEO of a major corporation goes undercover to work among the lower level people (the grunts, if you will) & find out their insights. My husband kept talking about this one guy deserving a promotion since he was the go-to guy among his co-workers despite being newer than them; at the part where the CEO reveals himself to the lower level workers, he did give this guy a promotion & raise. I said "See, at least this guy knows how to be a proper CEO." A lot of warm & fuzzy moments but I'd be interested to see how many major companies do this. It'd be a great PR move if nothing else.

So my major point is this: don't do a job that will make you unhappy. I don't care how practical it is, how much it pays or what your parents/friends/spouse thinks. Decent people in those camps care about your personal happiness & would encourage you to pursue greatness. People certainly believed in me & the ones I respect don't tell me to throw away my current work to go be in some law firm where I'd be miserable. I don't want people in my business who aren't passionate about the field or are focused on the money. They'd just get miserable & resentful sooner or later.

Now I'm about to sleep & go forward w/this week. Easter kind of stunk since the stinking MTA couldn't suspend their J train work for a holiday weekend so people could get to the LIRR train stop without convoluting through 8 stops in some questionable areas of Queens we're not familiar with. Since we didn't care to do this, we stayed home though we did go out for dinner. I'd just like some forewarning so I could do these holidays myself if shit happens again.

This isn't even the first time since we got into a car accident on our first Thanksgiving as a married couple. I did a make-up one weeks later that was a success. Sleep now, though.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Wow, The 50th Post!! Probably Not Kid-Friendly

Who knew? As I promised myself yesterday, today's topic for thought is porno. That's because my husband did an April Fool's prank film review of the Paris Hilton sex tape & I was forced to sit through that w/him. Go check it out; there's links for it all over Facebook & at the film company's blog.

I'm still really pissed off about the thing I wrote about yesterday but for now, I'm pressing forward on this.

Anyhow, my views on it aren't all black & white. One thing I can say about myself is that I'm not a person who fits into a neat little box. I'm not some stereotype & I don't walk in lockstep w/the other liberals, attorneys or whatever group you'd stick me in based on what I do, believe or practice.

So, here goes. I happen to agree with the idea that sex is a part of life. My own mother, a very religious person, has famously said to me "Of course sex feels good. Nobody would do it if it didn't." She says a lot of great, witty things. My husband says she's the reason I'm insane (well, I prefer "quirky" since I don't think I've hit "lock her up in an institution" insane just yet).

I grew up in that "sex is sinful" atmosphere but by college, I'd basically felt it was time to stop worrying about anyone else's views on what I did & think about how I felt. I also wanted to have experiences that I couldn't in my hometown; there's a freedom in going to college elsewhere & not being shackled in your childhood image. You get to reinvent yourself. College professors at my school encouraged students to get laid; one of them was known for sleeping w/students but since I consider school like a job, you'd have never seen ME doing that no matter how hot or kind any professor might have been.

So I got to be the hot chick that I never was in high school. I got to have guys show an interest in dating me; that was new, let me tell you.

However, I wasn't really a slut. I couldn't flirt if my life depended on it, even now. An ex once told me that I try flirting but I fail horribly at it. I said this to my husband & he agreed w/the ex. I think flirting is BS; it's not in my nature since I'm far too sincere & I think it's a form of lying. I was getting male attention without trying that hard; actually, I still do.

So how does this relate to my attitudes about porn?

Well, I was never the kind of wife or girlfriend who'd demand a guy to get rid of his porno mags. I'd never tell my husband to do that, even though he'd only watch or read it w/me unless he was in a group of friends. He appreciates what he's got.

I don't get women who do that; it's not like the guy's off sleeping w/someone else. The actress or model he's looking at isn't going to seduce him in person. She's probably got her own boyfriend (maybe girlfriend) & her own problems.

It's like getting jealous of some celebrity in a film. Do you really think Angelina Jolie is going to pick YOUR boyfriend or husband to have a serious relationship with? If you do, you're an idiot & need to get some smart pills.

At least the guy's looking at WOMEN; he could be looking at naked guys, you know?

So unless sexual stuff involves children, animals, non-human beings or people who didn't consent, you're not going to hear protests about it from me. I feel a similar way about prostitution. If you're adults & there's no pimp, it's not my business. When you involve children or non-consenting parties, that's another story.

I'd also not want my nephew watching porn. There's a time & place for everything, including porn. Don't expose it to kids. Don't bring it to the workplace or tell me about your sex life---I don't care & don't want to hear it. If you're going to have sex toys/porn/etc., keep that stuff under lock & key.

The first time I ever saw porn was w/a group of sorority sisters. I don't know about anyone else but a group of straight women watching your basic straight porn was an exercise in humor & critique. We're sitting there critiquing it, commenting on the girl's underwear & laughing at the absurdity of it while one of the girls who lived in that room was speaking to her very religious parents who were visiting Atlanta that weekend.

Honestly, I'm the person who will look for details & critique stuff if you want me to sit & watch a porn film.

I did see one w/a guy friend once b/c I'd had a horrible day (this guy who'd taken me out on Valentine's Day that year decided he didn't want to date me--his weirdness is for another post). I decided watching a cheesy porno might cheer me up since I'd also made the mistake of watching "Leaving Las Vegas" earlier in the day (the 2nd most depressing film of all time, next to "Midnight Cowboy" which I didn't see until years later).

NEVER watch porn w/a straight guy friend, especially a straight guy friend who wants to sleep w/you even a little bit. I learned that lesson; no, I didn't sleep w/him but he asked about it enough to annoy me. I don't think straight guys can watch them w/that critical eye, at least if it's not featuring a celebrity they can't stand.

My honey made me watch that Paris Hilton sex tape w/him. A few observations:

A) Paris Hilton's voice is annoying. I wanted to kill her after hearing her speak about twice in this thing.

B) I noticed the boyfriend didn't really look at her much. Maybe he was picturing someone else. If he'd been smart, he would have.

C) I learned more about her personal preferences than I cared to. Hubby also made the observation that people who don't like giving as much as receiving are the most selfish people on Earth. That's a life lesson. Take note, single folks.

D) She didn't seem all that into it at times. You just wanted housekeeping to bust in or something. It'd have been much funnier.

E) Finally, turn off your cell phone before you have sex. That ringing just messes things up. At least turn off the ringer lest some loved one gets rushed to the ER or drops dead & someone has to tell you about it.

I think I know what I'll use to torture guys who've done something awful to us...

Okay, as for porn actors & prostitutes: I can understand people doing it for the money since we all have to eat & not everyone's got a trust fund, but I don't entirely get the people who aren't doing it for survival. Personally, I'd only do it if I absolutely had to in order to survive but it's not my place to judge & this coming from the woman whose film company did a movie portraying a web cam girl as a human being.

I despise churchies* who preach against people doing it but offer no viable alternatives. They'll whine & moan about a relative or someone doing this but then won't help that relative find a decent paying job (saying "work at McDonalds" is NOT a solution; you're still being degraded but being paid less $), give them food or do anything other than sit in judgment like they are God.

The true Christians are the ones who may express disapproval but will at least make an effort to HELP the person instead of preaching fire & brimstone w/no solutions. I have less sympathy for those not doing it to feed their kids, pay school loans or pay basic expenses like food/rent/clothing/etc.

When you get down to it, I think most of us are human beings. If you can live with yourself, then you don't need to worry about what anyone else thinks. See this is one of those reasons I don't fit in a neat little box.

* my word, so credit me if you use it

Thursday, April 1, 2010

If You've Got Something to Say....

say it to my fucking face, all right? If there's anything I can't stand, it's people who are nice to your face & cut you down behind your back. That kind of crap made me so hyper-paranoid in high school, I literally couldn't trust most of my classmates. In fact, I probably have trust issues to this day b/c of all that.

I had to deal w/all of it so much b/c I was a smart kid. Meaning I had to take classes w/other smart kids. A lot of them didn't like me because of being poor & probably being a redhead. Who knows the real reasons? Fact remains, I had to deal with too much of this crap. Going to the earlier mentioned private school as a child also didn't help since this kind of thing was rampant there too.

Eventually I made friends who told me it didn't matter & not to worry about these gossipy bitches. That was in 8th grade. Those friendships got me through all that & are why I became the assertive person I am today.

My husband hates this as well. I don't know his personal experiences on it but recently, he's been having problems w/a co-worker who's now earned himself the title of "ex-friend." Here goes:

There was a staff meeting on the day our car was having problems & he wasn't feeling well. Apparently, some of his co-workers took that opportunity to hold a "trash The Angry Redheaded Lawyer's Husband" session. The right people took up for him & basically aren't the living embodiment of why people hate unions.

So Dead Man Walking doesn't say a word to my beloved about all this. Not even to tell him who said what or how he felt, unlike a number of others at this job. I found this suspicious & have not wanted to do a damn thing for this guy or his family since I learned about it. Hubby tries to do something nice back when I think my day job is legit & I tell him right there to forget it. Hey, if you're the person w/the connections then YOU get to decide who will or will not benefit from them.

Yesterday, Dead Man Walking decides to stand on doing a half-assed job for one of their customers. My husband says something to him when the customer still needs help & he chooses to sit on his ass & do nothing. He then has the nerve to say "You're not my supervisor." Despite the fact my husband has somewhat mentored this person & is supposed to be his "friend," he has the gall to do it.

My dearest wanted to punch him in the face right there. See why I'm calling this guy "Dead Man Walking?" He'd better hope he doesn't see me or speak to me b/c I have words for him & they won't be nice ones. Maybe hubby can get fired for telling him off or have problems in the workplace from it but I can't & I have every right to decide who will benefit from my connections.

Since my husband tends to leave unfinished business & I like to make it clear as crystal that you'd better stay the hell away from me once you've crossed me, I'm tempted to call this man up & tell him I know what he did + he'd better start talking right now about any issue w/my spouse. Oh, and say point blank not to expect to go ANYPLACE I have access to, could invite him to or benefit in any way, shape or form from my career, my connections or anything associated w/me in any form. Don't ask me for a place to stay if you have marriage problems. Don't ask me to have you meet famous people, pass along your movie ideas, get you a job or even help your child get started in the business.

Don't even ask for a cup of sugar from me once you've crossed me. I wouldn't give you water in the desert if you were dying of thirst if you've pissed me off & shown zero remorse for it. I don't want to hear your sob stories & would leave you to die in the street w/out a second though.

My compassion died out years ago when I was being tormented by assholes. Go blame them if you want me to be a doormat. Oh, and I feel like that about EVERYONE; it doesn't matter to me what race, sexual orientation, creed, religion, income level or whatever you are. If you are on my bad side, you're going to know it. An offense against my husband, my friends, my business associates or anyone else I care about is the same as doing it to me directly. I feel you only have to put up w/BS in 3 situations.

They are:

1. A job or graduate/law/medical school (anyplace where you might deal w/these
people again)
2. A big mob like New Year's Eve at Times Square
3. Dealing w/cops or law enforcement like judges, investigators, etc. This changes
if they try to rape you or do something extreme.

Otherwise, I don't deal with it. Not even based on being family since there's lots of relatives we don't deal w/because of their behavior.

I just see my husband's unfinished business popping up the minute anything major happens to me & by extension, him. I don't want to deal with it so that's why I'm ready to not even polite in those situations; I might even get an assistant to handle it. You can't be nice & sweet to be effective at what I do. Many people think I'm nice & that's b/c they haven't done anything to deserve my wrath. They also know that I can either be your biggest supporter or your worst nightmare. Dead Man Walking just stepped into camp #2.