Saturday, March 7, 2020

Uh-Oh, Love Comes to The Angry Redheaded Lawyer's World

Yes, I borrowed that from a Talking Heads song called "Uh-Oh, Love Comes to Town". I'm a Talking Heads fan and mastered that category in about 5 seconds in SongPop 2. I really don't care if you call it cliche since I'm a "smart" type and their music is billed as "for smart people."

I've had a lot going on and got news that obliterated any concern or regard for my nasty divorce. Over time, I was starting to feel romantic love towards Mr. Big Stuff. A lot of the tenor of things started to change & more recently he'd invited me to travel with him and visit him in other places. My thought was "I'd travel for a guy who loves me but I don't want to go someplace to find that guy going out on dates with other women or him introducing me to some local ho he's carrying on with like I'm going to share or something." He knows my history and my feelings about such things. I may have lived in NYC long enough to be a native New Yorker but there's still that whole Christian upbringing in my core so I don't do polyamory or sharing with others or playing second fiddle. I either have to be the bottom bitch or there has to be no rank. This guy is someone it's much easier to talk with on the phone than to text with. He might be one of the few Millenials I've met who is good with the in-person interactions and offline conversations.

I was thinking "I do NOT want to fall in love with guy if he doesn't love me" so I felt I needed to know the answer to the $64,000 question: Do you love me?

The very idea of asking that question was nerve wracking to me. I probably realized I had those deeper feelings over a year ago but I didn't really want to own them until I knew where I stood with him. He's been doing a lot of travel and had to deal with the coronavirus craziness in China though he had no illness, had never been to Wuhan or the Hubei province. The guy had to do self-quarantine for a month in 2 separate countries (2 weeks in China and 2 weeks in the US). After that, he came to visit me. I told him we could go out as much as he wanted since I'd go nuts if I'd had to be confined for that long. Currently, I have to self-quarantine because I have at minimum a cold and want to make sure it's not actually the coronavirus (there are currently 11 cases here & the second confirmed case was a lawyer who works in Midtown East who went about his merry way while having milder symptoms then got hit with it; during that time, he hung out with somebody who works at Kings Civil Court, which had to be sanitized because of this--I've not been to Kings Civil in over a month but still, if you do appearances you're often going to many of the courthouses and who knows what appearance attorneys may have had contact with that employee who then went to other courts?). It's gotten to be a big issue in NYC, a land with lots of people who are on public transit and in a smaller space. This is not good for those living in NYC.

But finally, I had the opportunity to talk to my sweetheart and asked the question. He said "yes."

I was legitimately shocked but maybe I should have known. He made me ask about exclusivity after calling me his girlfriend without notice to me at this event we went to. He also told me he's not a guy who tells you how he's feeling in words but shows you in his actions. His actions have indicated love & sweetness for quite a while in the past few visits we've had and in our interactions (we talk to one another more than we had in the past after making up from a major fight). Friends of ours have heard about the other one. He told me friends of his know who I am and I mentioned that mine also know who he is.

I hadn't thought deeply about the future but I did come to the realization that I could leave NYC and live elsewhere with him if that was something he asked. I've had over 12 years here and would like my own space sometime. My law licenses are transferable to many places and a name kept popping up in my head: John Hughes.

John Hughes is the guy who did "Home Alone", "Sixteen Candles", "Pretty in Pink", "Curly Sue" and many other films. He had a Hollywood career but he didn't live in LA. He lived in Illinois in a suburb of Chicago even during his peak. He still maintained his career despite this and didn't succumb to the leftist nonsense or change who he was.

Considering we have the Internet and so forth today, there's no reason you couldn't still have an entertainment career and an oasis from leftist loons, high taxes and rent that's too damn high. So I felt like "if I get remote gigs and have things rolling in the entertainment world, there's no reason I couldn't move to someplace where I can motion in using my law licenses and still do what I'm doing now." I wouldn't feel like a failure if I didn't live in my hometown, where I have lots of emotional baggage. A new place that lacks such baggage and associations with my family could be doable. Greater distance from crazy relatives could even be advantageous for me and Mr. Big Stuff.

Being someone who vowed she'd die in NYC, this is a huge leap for me. It's me saying "that's something I'd do for love but love wouldn't be the sole reason by a long shot." The reality is I'm not going to live in a place where criminals have more rights than me (see the new bail reform laws) and I don't want to be stuck with no property to call my own in my 60s + have to have roommates. A cheaper cost of living and being able to get my own place would definitely be selling points for me. Places where the values of common sense, personal accountability and respect for laws/other people would also be good to consider. I need to travel more first but since I did traveling in November, I felt like "I could go elsewhere and feel some peace there."

In fact, I saw Mr. Big Stuff and went to my new friend's party last week and forgot all about the start of my transient life in 2014 until days later. This is progress. It also feels good having love with Mr. Big Stuff since he doesn't make me feel suffocated or trapped or like he's just paying me lip service. It's a lot easier since both of us have loved before and it's not like either person is unequal like it was with my ex-husband, who'd loved before me while he was my first true love.

Eventually Mr. Big Stuff & I will be traveling and we both acknowledged that it will be a test of our relationship. Will we pass it? That's a good question. I have no clue.