Monday, March 24, 2014

Sex With Girls on "That Time of the Month"

So that's a topic I have some opinions on but hadn't really expressed before. I've also gotten some interesting observations & heard fun tales about it.

It seems men fall into 3 different categories when you ask them about their willingness to have sex with a girl on her period:

1. The "Ewww, you're bleeding! Get away from me!" crowd
2. The "I'll have sex with you but I'm not doing oral." folk
3. The "I don't care!" crowd who'll proudly perform oral on the girl without even thinking twice & brag about it to others later

Until more recently, I also though that whatever category a particular man fell into was set in stone & no way were you getting him to change his mind or be flexible on that (specifically referring to guys in the first 2 categories).

Most of the men I've met & dated fell into category #2; they generally weren't upset by the bleeding but wouldn't put their mouths there. Now personally, I'm okay with that. If guys bled every month (or thereabouts) I don't think I'D want to go down on one if he was bleeding there. If you disagree, you're not a very nice woman & you are in serious denial about how bad that time of the month can get.

Personally, it's kind of a deal breaker of mine for some guy to treat me like I've got the plague if I'm on that time of the month.

First off, I've had to deal with it a LOT longer than you (so has every other woman) & it's not like the guy's normally sleeping with a girl for every single day she's on that time of the month. If he had to deal with more than 3 days in the average 5-7 day cycle, that's a woman getting laid a lot more than I did when I've had it. Consider that some of us get stomach cramps & don't feel like doing much of anything on those days except downing some hard core medicine that will effectively make us functional despite the cramps. Personally, that's about 2 days of my cycle.

Second, you'd better be happy that woman's on her period since that means she isn't pregnant. It also means she's not anorexic or severely stressed out from some major life upheaval.

Third, if you really don't want to deal with a woman having her period I suggest you either start sleeping with post-menopausal women (and don't laugh since I met a guy who fell into category #3 whose dream was to become a gigolo to older ladies) or you can become a criminal & sleep with little girls, most likely encountering some angry relative who chops your dick off for molesting one or more of those little girls. And yes, you will likely be forced to sleep with little girls since due to hormones in food & everything girls start getting their periods much earlier. I got mine when I was 12. I've heard today the average start age is like 9.

In that lens, some woman being on her time of the month doesn't sound so bad does it?

Finally, I think guys who freak out about that are kind of wussy. I never actually dated or had a sexual relationship with anyone who gave a damn about it. Sorry, I'm used to a standard. Plus, I'm a natural redhead & natural redheads get away with so much more. The grooming standards & plenty of other stuff gets exempted if you're a natural redhead. No one really expects me to make the first move or get a Brazilian wax; the guys who do are morons I don't waste my time with & fit into maybe a 5% category (10% if you feel generous).

My instinct in hearing some guy falls into category #1 is "grow the fuck up!" You want us to be on board with lesbianism but you freak out over having sex with us when we're on that time of the month?!?! I think lesbianism for a straight woman is far more "too up close & personal" than a straight guy having sex with a straight woman on her period. Yet it seems those guys don't get it.

And then I met a category #1 guy who actually did the deed with a girl on her period. That fascinated me so I had to ask "why?" He said it was because he wasn't dating the girl & she was a sex buddy.

So, we'll break our preference on this for sex buddies? Okay, got it. I'm not sure it ever came up with the one in college. I just remember being involved in this conversation with sorority sisters & guys from a fraternity at GA Tech where we knew the members. I don't think I even brought it up; my sorority sisters & I were (and probably still are) some crass ladies. A lot of us were the type of women you could have tons of crazy conversations with & not get embarrassed. We even once had an unintentional porn night & it was more of an intellectual exercise than some male fantasy come to life. For the record, there was one guy in that conversation who fell into category #1 & we totally reamed him out (but in a less mean way) for it.

Any guy hanging around that scene would have been disappointed, though probably trying to initiate stuff with one or more of us. You can't watch porn with your straight male friends as an intellectual exercise unless you're okay with them trying to sleep with you (at least I can't).

Category #3 guys seem to be a lot more rare. I've only met 2 in my entire life, though maybe I hang around the wrong circles. Perhaps I don't know enough really freaky people & if I hung out in those circles more, maybe I'd meet more of those guys. For me it's like, "That's nice. If you want to taste that stuff, okay but I think it's kind of gross & it's coming out of me."

It's weird but this is not one of those things I tend to ask about early on, mostly because there isn't a really polite or clever way you can ask without it sounding gross. Maybe I should, though. Or find out if maybe this flexibility can happen if you're a redhead. After all, I apparently just show up & some guys will immediately approach me. Why can't it ever be one I find intoxicatingly attractive? Eh, pretty people problems. I'll shut up now.

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Some Publicity For Me

My feature in Look was published last week. If you're a reader in the UK or somehow have access to Look (since it IS a fashion magazine that was mentioned in Absolutely Fabulous, which is how I'd heard of it), you can find the story I'm in if you happened to see last week's issue.

If you didn't, I'll send you the article if you ask nicely & genuinely care vs. being a nosy looky loo who needs to get a life STAT. It's about my experience being childfree & why, in retrospect, getting my tubes tied might be one of the smartest things I did. At least now that I'm ending a marriage, there will be no fights over children & no children to suffer emotional harm at any time in my life. I'm also glad my estranged spouse didn't get to teach children that it was okay to treat a woman like shit & that anyone not making a paycheck is a subhuman not worthy of basic human rights.

I also did my latest review for Woman Around Town, which you can read here.

Still on the go with career stuff and everything. Dealing with this transition and haven't looked back, though it's not an easy situation for anyone to go through. The freedom is nice. I was out in this one restaurant by myself & was thrilled that the chips and salsa were MINE exclusively. No one else got to have them & seeing this one couple nearby didn't make me miss the jerk; in fact, it made me happy to be free. I think you'd feel that way as well if you were me.

Dating Shorter Guys: My Take

Read this Cracked article & realized I should speak on this. Don't think I've talked about it & I've got some stories.

Now I never dated guys shorter than me. I'm 5'6 so I wouldn't be dating someone whose eye line comes right to my chest. That would be really creepy considering I'm not the average model's height or anything super tall (though it would make modeling so much easier if I were). Those guys should be dating women like my sister, who's about 5'1/5'2. She's short, especially compared to me. I got the looks & she'd even tell you that herself. She got other stuff like being more sociable, a maternal instinct & a much more caring nature.

The guys I'm speaking of were my height or damn close. The soon to be ex is 5'7 & Vampire Boy was 5'6.

I'm here to tell you there are some serious advantages sexually to dating a guy the same height as you. For one thing, you will never strain your neck to kiss that guy. Corona Boy was TALL & I remember killing my neck trying to kiss him. Not fun.

You can also do any sexual position you want with a guy the same height as you. My sister's first husband was over 6 feet tall. There were things they couldn't do physically b/c of the height difference (or at least if they did, I have no clue how that happened; I've never asked her about it & she didn't share that though keep in mind women share a LOT about sex with you men--if you do something odd or have some unusual attribute, we're probably going to tell our friends/sisters/other females we develop rapport with). I never had that issue when I was having sex with guys I dated who were my height. I even had sex with Vampire Boy in the front passenger seat of his car without having any problems at all; he never complained & maybe it's not true for everyone but if I'm not comfortable (physically or mentally), it's a HUGE distraction. If you're physically comfy, chances are the guy who's your height will be as well.

Let's just say there's a closeness you can have with a guy whose height is the same as yours that you can't get if there's too much of a difference. If you experienced it yourself, you know what I mean.

I guess I could mention a third benefit that I never really planned for: you can push around a guy who's the same height as you more easily. It's not like he's got as much of a size advantage against you. My sister even claimed I only dated guys the same height as me so I could push them around. I'm sure friends of mine would contend that I could push around any guy I wanted to no matter what physical size difference he had over me.

To be honest, the height thing was a total coincidence. I mostly had guys choose me instead of me choosing them. I've not had to chase or pursue anyone so it's not in my nature to do it. That chasing men thing skipped me & went to my sister instead; I just find it undignified + don't care enough about any particular guy to "chase" him. I figure if he doesn't see my awesomeness or want me as I am, then fuck him. There's plenty of other guys out there & it's not like I've had a shortage of suitors. Even when I was married, I was getting propositions though didn't pursue them since I felt it would be wrong to do so.

Oh, and height is not an absolute criterion for size. A guy told me & some other girls in college that it was a factor but in my experience, that wasn't a perfect formula considering Corona Boy was horribly small (his having no skill made things even worse). Maybe you won't get porn actor with some shorter guy but that doesn't mean you're getting freakishly small either. I'll say that I wasn't unhappy & leave it at that (though my big thing is technique; if a guy doesn't have any technique or that technique just sucks, that's unacceptable for me).

Law school sometimes felt like the land of men with Napoleon complexes. I'm sure women extensively dating attorneys would have far more to say about that & more of a base there than me but I have definitely seen some of that in my experiences. I actually avoided dating attorneys or law students since I didn't want to deal with some guy who wouldn't get my circumstances or where I came from (the specter of the Napoleon complex also factored in); explained this recently to my law school friend who'd have been thrilled if I had submitted to his advances instead of staying loyal to the jerky soon to be ex. Is it sad that part of me wishes I'd seized that day? Maybe if I'd known this was coming, I might have.

But then again, I never stayed friends with guys I did such things with & they all ended up hurting me in the end. I was certain this guy would have proven me right & it would have harmed my career. I wouldn't even have the friendship & I actually value that since few people have made me feel like I mattered and that I wasn't an intrusion on them.

So I think there's a lot to be said for the height advantages of dating someone who matches yours & no, getting to push the guy around isn't my reason for saying that. Only an idiot wouldn't be at least a little afraid of me or think that I'm capable of killing him in his sleep if he really angered me enough & I had nothing going for me in my life, height be damned.

Would I pick a guy of my height today? Not sure considering the 2 guys who hurt me most were right near my height. It might not be a factor but I think it's time to look at guys who don't fit my classic tropes & the height thing is one of those common patterns. Being named Eric, Matt or Joseph is also not going to work since I had bad experiences with those guys & it became another joke with my family with respect to my dating life. I think having my estranged husband's name wouldn't work either though my sister's former FIL had an ex wife and a future second wife with the same name. We joked that he did that so he wouldn't say the wrong name in bed.

At the end of the day, you really have to go with character and so forth but if you haven't dated a guy your height it's something you have to do at least once if you can feel some sparks (even if it's just sexual).

I've got another post in me to write but you're only getting this one for now. Don't worry, though; it's definitely coming though will be a little gross to some people.

Monday, March 3, 2014

Progress & The Start of My New Life

My acting reel is ready to be seen. Go here to check it out:

I actually did watch it & was impressed. I didn't even cringe at myself on film, which is an accomplishment for me. Did that on a particularly bad day in my life so I had a lot of tragic stuff to draw from in doing that particular scene. You have to check out the guy who did it; he is awesome & was actually right near where I used to live.

Embarking on what my mother referred to as my "gypsy existence." Her term, not mine & remember this is NOT a blog catering to the PC crowd. Whatever your offense or conflict with that term, I'm not using it to be nasty or offensive deliberately. I'm using it as akin to "nomad" or "girl without a country," which I sort of am at this point.

Getting more into a routine & so far, I'm doing just fine. Most of us are used to a particular routine & when you've done things for a long time, it can get hard to deal with the shock and adjustment. If you can, though, you'll be just fine. These times sort of remind me of my first days in Connecticut or my first days moving out of my ex-boyfriend's condo in Atlanta. There's a ton you have to do & you know things have to get done but you're in a serious "hurry up & wait," especially if you moved in on a weekend or during a holiday when places are closed or people aren't around. This marks the third time I've done this in my life so I can recognize a few patterns & signs here. Guess in some ways I'm like other actors & performers I know who go on little adventures, end up in a new place and just end up getting housing, food & the like based on their charm, luck and simple determination. Maybe they've also got that special serendipity going for them like I do; trust me, I have it since you don't get the stories I've got without having some kind of good force around you. Who else gets some of the opportunities & what not that I've gotten, even where I sometimes put in zero effort?

Should you find yourself in these circumstances (and I definitely didn't expect to find myself in them 7 years ago or even 2 years ago), you have to remember that you're entering the unknown. You are literally at a point where things aren't settled, you're dealing with fewer resources than you had before & things as you knew them before are over. You can't be spending your time in the past but have to look to the future. You aren't looking at what was; you have to look at future, possibility & what could be. Sometimes, it's frustrating and you miss things you had before.

One thing I can say about going into a new life is that you'll have no shortage of adventures. If you're the adventurous type & don't mind new experiences, you'll be just fine. This is the time to embrace your spirit of adventure, notice signs, open your mind and your brain to new perspectives, new ways of doing things, new people, change, etc. Maybe that was part of my problem in the past; I wasn't around the kind of guy who embraced change or adventure. I also think we can get too used to a routine or stuck in our ways, which isn't a good thing in my book.

One movie I love (and I warn you, it's a chick film) is Mermaids, partly b/c Cher's character is a woman who never stays in the same place for very long. I thought that kind of life would be cool; maybe not if it was your mother making you move & you didn't get a say on where you were going but if YOU got to be the captain of your own ship & make your own decisions on that stuff while having the financial means to do it, I think it could rock. I've not gotten to travel & when this all settles, I get my own place and situation set up, I fully intend to take a vacation for myself. Got a few ideas on places to go where I'm sure friends of mine would be okay with housing me for at least a couple days & not killing me in the process. We're talking friends who've been my allies in all this & made me feel better about all this as well as reminding me of just who I am in case I got bogged down & forgot. I totally expect friends to hold me accountable here & say "Stop feeling sorry for yourself; you're a strong person," if necessary. They should also know, in case they don't, that they're within their rights to slap me if they see me doing something unhealthy & not acting like the person they know.

Go through this or some other personal tragedy & you'll find out who those friends are real quick. Sometimes your real friends aren't who you think they are. People you figured would run like hell from you stick around even when you're looking, feeling & being pretty terrible while your BFFs perform vanishing acts Houdini would have been proud of. In some ways, I also feel like Billy Joel must have when he fled from his oppressive record deal in the 70s and worked incognito in a piano bar. There's a reason I feel this way & those of you who have been in my situation probably understand why.

If you're going to embark on this sort of thing, you have to be very organized, not overly attached to particular creature comforts (you come to appreciate things a lot more when you have to live on a thread budget; forget shoestring), a steward at finances (since you've got to save money when you're doing this lifestyle) & be able to see some upsides in life so you don't start feeling suicidal if you ended up in this against your own accord. If you're the type who couldn't be "a subsistence farmer," you'll fail at this. Just a simple fact. I'd call someone like that "spoiled," "privileged" and not someone I'd have much respect for.

Is it judgey for me to say that? If it is, I really don't care. If I ever have the wherewithal to commit to anyone again (and that's a huge "if" since I don't think I'll ever be able to do that unless maybe I lost my mind or possibilities vanished for me), I'm sure not taking up with any guy who's never had to take care of himself or done what I'm doing now. The guy who hasn't would never be able to relate to me & I'd just think he was too pampered and spoiled to be able to respect or handle me. Plus, there's the whole further negative association that guy would have to overcome & not sure that is even possible in my case. Some guy trying to change my mind would have to be a serious masochist.

Oh, yeah if you feel so inclined here's the link to the GoFundMe campaign:

If you have negative remarks, I challenge you to deal with this situation yourself with the resources available to me. I'll bet you'd crack like an egg if you had to go through it. Those haters would probably give someone the satisfaction of their suicide or giving up on things.