Tuesday, May 4, 2021

And the Future Is...

NYC for now. Happened to be awake before 8 am so since I'm up, why not update this blog???

How did we get to NYC? Eh, a few things.

For one thing, I met a new guy. I've not made a big production of it, partially because I'm more private in things, didn't want to jinx it and I've been doing my fair share of dating post Mr. Big Stuff. There's also the inherrent nature of dating in NYC (see this post for details). I still think that post is generally applicable though undoubtedly the pandemic has changed things in NYC.

One big question that's lingered in my head is "Is NYC dead?" From my own travels and my own conversations with people, I'd say "there's still life here and even still some of that old school spirit." For those holding nasty notions about black people, I've seen black people have words with other black people who were panhandling or lowering the quality of life in NYC by harassing others. One of those incidents happened on a bus I was taking to go home. Doing bus travel (as I'm not feeling the subway right now, despite claims that it will go back to 24/7 service in a very short time and the city is re-opening in a very short time; I smell politics at work vs. "lowered virus threat"), it's been "Harlem: the same as it ever was." I've also not heard back on my community board application so I've got to at least see what happens there.

FYI, getting onto community board in NYC doesn't even completely have to do with you the applicant. I learned this after going on a group interview (two words that made me shudder immediately but it turns out this was much better than expected since this wasn't the most extroverted person dominating the entire conversation as it was when I did a group interview for a job at Abercrombie back in my college days; demanding the introverts suddenly morph into extroverts isn't cool and I'm saying that as more of an ambivert vs. a stone cold introvert with no extrovert tendencies to speak of) and being told what the next steps are. Not sure if people will actually look at the demographics I fit but I had a good laugh there answering the one "how do I identify myself" question noting my whole natural redhead thing and having to completely be self-made. Regardless, I'll get to actually tell you how the application process works, what the selection criteria is and get to bitch about politics on a whole new level that someone who's never done it has no right to.

I think there ought to be a rule in life that if you have never done the thing you're criticizing, such as worked as a police officer/been on a ride along/known any cops, you don't get to bitch about it. You don't get a mic but you get silenced and ridiculed for being an idiot trying to pose as an expert. That way, people who actually know what they're talking about will be the ones who get the mic and real change can happen. I always cheer on people speaking on topics they've lived or experienced since that actually means they're worth listening to on something. If people would only stick to topics they're actually educated on, the world would be a much better place along with them staying in their own lanes (I'm looking at you, vaccine).

But the new guy....that's something that blows Mr. Big Stuff totally away. I actually haven't felt that way about someone since I was dating my ex-husband. 4 months later and in the wasteland of NYC, I'd never believe someone who wrote on my Hinge profile "I'm going to prove you wrong" when I claimed that a guy on my level in looks, intelligence and the like didn't exist actually WOULD prove me wrong. Never one to resist a challenge like that, I instantly responded to that guy. He promptly asked me out. I told myself I would be good and not do instant sex (something that's rather common if you live and date in a major city, to the chagrin of you church ladies); I also had to see the gyno on medical stuff the next day and told him this directly in order to avoid any misperceptions or confusion (I wasn't playing any games and also figured it would be awkward to be doing such things then going into the gyno's office where they have to mess with those areas). I went to the gyno and was then out of commission for a bit. This guy asked me out again very quickly: I told him certain things are out of commission. He says "It's just your pussy that's out of commission, not you. I want to see YOU, not just your pussy." I don't feel like a lot of guys who'd just met you in NYC would vocalize such a thing though maybe more would be thinking it than my inner cynic would believe. He saw my tiny room and we hung out here. I also introduced him to my roommate's cats including the one who is super sweet and affectionate. Long story with those cats but as we get to talking, I note that we have more stuff in common. I also learn that he's as good at managing around setbacks as I am. When certain things were finally back in commission, there was definitely a natural progression towards incorporating that element into the proceedings.

At this stage in my life and certainly living in NYC, even in pandemic times, I figured finding a guy where that existed was about as likely as winning the lottery, getting struck by ligthning or maybe my family leaving NC and moving closer to where I live. I didn't even feel that whole thing with Mr. Big Stuff until later in the relationship and it was never on that same level of intensity. Going on dates post divorce, I didn't feel the same energy as I had with my ex and just thought "that's stuff for your teens and 20s and Single 1.0 life". If you've felt it, you know what I'm talking about. It's the difference between a mere surface "I like this person and having sex with them" and a feeling that just thinking of that person makes you all giggly, smiley and silly to where strangers wonder what the hell's wrong with you. It's wanting to be around that person a ton, even when you're sad and depressed and not feeling like dealing with the world. To you, that person isn't "the world" they're just "that person." You don't feel like you need pretension or to put on your face or be "the me I show the rest of society." It's something you feel organically, not something you can manufacture or push yourself into feeling no matter how much you want to feel that way. Ideally, as you're feeling it the other person is too. Otherwise you just feel naked in a metaphysical sense (God knows we've all felt that at one time or another; a classic example is unrequited crushes).

On literal 4/20, I get asked about becoming exclusive. I accept so here we are. No regrets or itchiness to bail at the moment. He tells me he looks forward to becoming an old couple together. I'm like "okay." That prospect didn't scare me and I'm the woman who's had to deal with stalkers and clingy guys with no love for either. Coming from him, however, just felt natural and like it could be a possibility. It didn't feel like intrusion. I think when remarks like that don't feel like intrusion, that means you've got that heady rush and more than a mere fling or sex buddy scenario going on. It feels nice to finally have a local guy I want to spend time with. My sister, upon hearing about this boyfriend, claims I won't be going to NC this summer since now I have a boyfriend. I don't really know if that's true but it definitely makes me feel like my future could indeed be here vs. feeling like there's nothing left & where the heck am I going to possibly start over at.

I also bit the bullet and hired a professional resume/cover letter writer to target entertainment law jobs specifically. As a likely result, I did score a couple good interviews (one job turned me down but the other I'm still waiting to hear about for a second interview; I need to follow up on that today). Such a job would change things dramatically if I can't get another stable, viable income stream from independent work and now that I have this boyfriend (the fabled guy my former therapist told me I should be going out with), I feel like "it's time to up your game; you can totally do this." If we're the sum of who we hang out with, then this guy blows everybody else away in that regard. As far as I'm concerned, if Mr. Big Stuff tried talking to me again I'd throw that in his face and inform him that he's got no chance. He should have thought about my value when I went to see him in December. His loss is my boyfriend's gain. Every single person I've talked to is Team New Boyfriend.

One of these days, I'll get a nickname for him but it's something that's got to come to me. Those are something else you can't manufacture or invent since mine come from using it to sum up everything you need to know about the person without excessive detail. The best is when other people use my nicknames to describe the same person. What's even more interesting is I found out recently the emergency room in NC misdiagnosed my toe injury and it's actually broken but never healed (and that's why I can't bend the lower joint in my index toe). If my toe had been broken, I might never have gone to Indiana since scheduling it before going back to NYC and not missing holidays with family was hard enough beforehand. If I'd not gone to Indiana, I wouldn't have had my heart broken and learned Mr. Big Stuff was a dead end. If I'd thought there was still possibility with Mr. Big Stuff, I wouldn't have gotten dating profiles anywhere (including Hinge). If I'd never gotten a Hinge profile, I'd have never met my new boyfriend and if I'd never met my boyfriend then he wouldn't be in my life now, wouldn't be my boyfriend and I'd not be feeling that heady rush stuff. It definitely feels like something out of "Sliding Doors" (a movie you should see if you haven't). What's even cooler is that he's seen lots of movies and TV shows I reference. He even mentioned a show that I'd also seen and claimed he was the only one who'd seen it!!! You get to do a lot more shorthand when you're in one of those heady rush situations mainly because you discover that you're on the same mental plane. Dating my ex-husband consisted of a lot of that and we were definitely a couple who disgusted people with their PDA. I'm sure my boyfriend and I would also be that couple if more social settings were happening but perhaps people in NYC are more chill about such things & there are fewer people around here though things are perking up.

Sleep may just about be hitting me so I might be doing more of it in a bit. Let's see.