Sunday, June 19, 2022

NYC Apartment Hunting -- Pandemic, My Butt!!!

Even though crime is rising in NYC, that's apparently doing nothing for rental prices or getting into an apartment. Even trying to get a roommate is a bitch in this place. I'm beyond frustrated and definitely don't remember it being this f-ing difficult even at the peak of my hard scrabble post-divorce life when I'd just gotten out of the transient life. When I was looking in 2015, it was at another point where the rental market was said to be impossible and I was in an emergency situation where I had to get the F out ASAP since my roommate was literally trying to interfere in my relationship with my then boyfriend Mr. Orgy. At this point, it's time for an upgrade and I'm fed up with one of my landlady's sons who has no respect for personal property, personal space, neglected a cat who recently died as part of it, doesn't pay a dime in rent + has a girlfriend who's been in my face over things she's got no business bothering me about or trying to make rules on. Nobody would pay any form of rent to live in these conditions and I offered to pay more rent to get the second room and them leaving but my landlady would rather accommodate these leeches than a quiet, long time tenant who even paid her rent when she wasn't in the state for most of 2020. I don't have to enable these assholes and plan to pay only for utilities and a reduced rent reflecting the loss of my quiet enjoyment of my space.

By law, I have to get a 90 day notice before I can be evicted and I'm pretty sure a court would consider the fact that I have to lock my door when these leeches get into fights and the damage to property that would lead a rational person to fear for their personal safety among the various issues that are intolerable such as eating food I paid for (which made it necesary for me to get a lockbox for the fridge in the kitchen), crowding me out of spaces that were part of my lease when I moved in, etc. My landlady's other son told me he was also looking to move because of these leeches and every single person who's aware of this situation has said it's time to move, I don't need to be there, etc.

Now, you may be asking "But WHY is it so hard to find an apartment in NYC? Aren't you having massive crime waves and lots of lefist lunacy that's led hard working people with common sense to flee to FL? Didn't a lot of people find their distant digs much better than NYC and refuse to return? And what about how dangerous the subway is and how people are getting shoved onto tracks, murdered by homeless people who are mentally ill and criminals are literally running the streets? Shouldn't there be tons of vacanies and much cheaper rent?"

If reality existed here, I'd say you're absolutely right but here are the problems with finding apartments in NYC:

1) Finding a place legitimately being rented out by an owner is like finding a pearl in a bed of oysters. It seems like it was more common when I first moved here in 2007 but now you might as well try to fly from the top of one of NYC's infamous high buildings. You'd probably be more successful at taking flight by flapping your arms and not just plummeting to your death than you would be finding a legit listing where you deal directly with the owner of a place.

2) Everything is listed by brokers. Brokers by and large are all about the money and treat potential tenants as numbers. Some seem okay and some might be honest but most are all about the Benjamins vs. actually getting you a good fit into an apartment. I go to viewings and see places but if you want to apply, some won't tell you how many people are in front of you, will keep showing places even when there are multiple applicants in the pool or won't even bother to contact you and then you get notification that the place you asked about is already off the market.

Do you hear from the broker again on other listings they have??? Hell no! Some will tell you they'll contact you but in my experience, that's been a lie. If you don't have a close friend who does this or find a renter's broker (which may not even exist), you get zero respect or consideration even if you actually need out of a situation.

3. Application fees: almost every place has these. By law in NYC, you can't charge more than $20 for this (credit, criminal, background checks) and if you have a report from the last 30 days they can't charge you an application fee. I have such a report after getting rejected from a place (more on that later) but haven't had the opportunity to try this part out. I have, however encountered ads and brokers trying to charge well above this. Just this evening, I see an ad on SpareRoom for a ROOM charging a $40 application fee (supposedly "after the initial application" like somehow that's a legal loophole permitting it).

If you start seeing places and want a chance in hell of being considered against throngs of others, you have to pay a fee for each one. Imagine how quickly this fee adds up. Did I mention that this fee isn't refundable if you get rejected? You still need money for deposits, broker fees and moving expenses since you most likely don't have a truck or a van and you aren't He-Man so you're going to need help moving your stuff. When you're over 35, your friends and parents (if you even have fit men with muscles or women with lifting power) aren't going to haul all your belongings from one place to the next, often involving walking up flights of stairs. Some places I've seen have 5th and 6th floor walkups with no elevator in the building. I'm in a 4th floor walkup and that's my absolute limit; before I moved here, I never lived above the third floor anywhere.

I've even seen roommate listings demanding application fees. FREAKING ROOMMATE situations. You know, where you're not getting your own space and have to share kitchens, bathrooms and occcasional living rooms and ask permission to do things you'd be able to do easily at your own house? I've encountered some of these where roommates had open "you can't have anyone over" rules and some don't allow pets (though that's a bit more understandable if your rent is much cheaper than it would be to rent your own apartment in the area). As I explained to people like that, I could live with my mother for free and deal with that. I could also live with some guy for free and deal with that condition (and did when I had to though I didn't make that rule); at least I'd also have regular sex in that situation so I wouldn't become a pain in the ass to everyone I encountered in society.

4. Scammers abound thinking you are supposed to hand over thousands of dollars before even seeing a place or worse, to apply for a place. Never, ever pay money without seeing a place first and don't give more than $20 to anyone to apply for a place. Also, demand a broker show you their license since they are required to carry this on them at ALL times (this was told to me by a long time broker and she did show me her information). Some scammers are even pretending they are brokers and brokers have even lied about being brokers to see a place (this happened to an owner whose place I checked out but got rejected for).

5. Delusional management companies: one apparently demanded applicants to pay a full months rent via certified check just to apply to a place according to a broker I met at one property during my lunch hour (and ended up late back to work because of this on a hot day so no looking at apartments during my lunch hour unless that place is walkable from my apartment). I adamantly refused and noted that I'm not stupid nor am I hearing the word "refundable" in this context.

I also got rejected from an apartment where rent was far below the metric for affordability in NYC (your yearly salary > 40x the rent) because I didn't have a guarantor (or as I call it, a rich daddy since this means someone who makes more money and has better credit than you).

Now keep in mind I have a very high credit score well over what it's recommended you have to get into a place and just got on full time in my current job where I'm being paid a lot more than I was in the past and finally in the atmosphere of what my skills are worth (which is also more than what a lot of people who aren't members of the 1%, STEM employees or work in finance are earning). I even got a peek at my own rental report and my score was over 800 out of 1,000 on my candidacy of rentability. Nobody should be asking me for a rich daddy to co-sign for me in this scenario, especially when I don't even have a father at this point. I definitely am pissed by this and still feel these are a bunch of idiot classist assholes.

If I had a rich daddy, why would I be trying to rent a place for $1,800 a month uptown when I could just buy a place directly or live with the rich daddy? Like were you born stupid or did you work at it your whole life (to borrow a line from a song I heard in the John Waters movie "A Dirty Shame" that apparently was called "The Asshole Song")??

6. The general attitude of management companies is akin to that of government employees: from what I've seen, you're not allowed to have objections to the price, apartment layout or any issues the company should account for. Nope, you should be thrilled to pay obscene rental prices to live across from the projects (or crime havens), have your closet for your clothes in the hallway, live in a 6th floor walkup with no elevator, have a micro kitchen, or deal with having no space whatsoever for your stuff. Having standards?!?!? How dare you!!!!!!! I've never seen anybody seem to take these realities into account when setting rent prices. Apparently landlords were desperate when NYC was burning and it was deserted but now?? They view it as business as usual and say "Fuck you for not settling. You'll take it and you'll happily accept my extortion." Well, not directly but they ought to; I'd probably have more respect for someone who openly said that vs. lying about it.

I guess I've gotten older and more jaded about the idea of living in Manhattan but I've seen this attitude permeate in neighborhoods nobody would call toney or upscale. I've not even wasted my time looking in some areas since I'm not interested in wasting my entire paycheck on rent. I'm deliberately looking at places below the 40x metric and trying to avoid situations where I'm going to be slammmed with crazy rent increases like so many were post-pandemic after getting some good deal in 2020 or early 2021. I'm also avoiding areas I know are unsafe since I also consider that a dealbreaker unlike some of these delusional housing pushers.

7. Moving companies are known for extortion and ripping people off in NYC. You have to really search to find a good one so that's a whole other ordeal. They always charge extra to move from or into walkups and I've definitely read some nigthmare stories. Oh, and they also charge extra if you're moving at the beginning of a month. I bet they also charge more for weekend moves yet some of us work and don't have PTO or want to take PTO for that. I don't even have as much but I know that's yet another expense I have to deal with.

8. Finally, delusional roommate situations. Do you really expect grown people to never see their significant others? Or worse, that you get to live with YOUR signficant other but expect someone else to pay rent to NEVER have overnight guests (I have seen this in ads)? That's inequality and absurd right there. I refer to it as sex policing and demanding me to live in a convent.

I think a "no guests longer than a week" policy solves the issue of unwanted live in SOs. Not dominating common spaces, not using other people's stuff or eating their food and not leaving your mess in places is fair but policing my body and what I do with it in my own space I pay rent for, demanding me to maintain Danny Tanner cleanliness standards and spend my weekends being Cinderella is not acceptable, especially at this stage of my life. To me, that's why I DON'T want to live with roommates. Somebody like that is too high maintenance and seems to be a wannabe church mom as well as no fun whatsoever.

There's a fine line between having orgies and having dates or your significant other come over where you are respectful of space + volume. Why do I have to ask permission to have guys over in a space I pay for? I didn't deal with this shit in college and I adamantly will not pay rent to be living with some Mom wannnabe. I also don't police anyone else's love life. They can screw anybody's brains out they want in their own room as long as I'm not having to see it or be kept awake with it. You also can't get the sex smell that easily in a room; it takes real effort for that. It seems like women in particular are harpy bitches about someone having sex. I'm definitely not one of those. I did speak to one man who had that condition and I gave him this response exactly but most men I've encountered don't make a thing of it, I guess because they wouldn't want to live under those conditions themselves.

Family and others have told me to focus on getting my own place vs. roommate situations. My sister even told me I didn't have a good track record with them and should be getting my own place. I feel like at this point, I should unless I found a really good situation with people who aren't fuckups or sex policers. It always seems like the normal people don't have space here. Who wants to bet the sex policers are also "woke" and claim to be tolerant? Yes, I think I've always been the type who wants to live alone and now I should actually do that since I am responsible, have a means to do that now and need minimal stress in my life.

What's shocking is I'd expect sex policiers to be closer to my mom's age or from conservative religions but many of them are in their 20s and don't declare some fundamentalist religious affiliation. It seems we have Puritans dominating the new generation and finding people who aren't this way is a battle.

I just want to find a place that meets my parameters (which are far from unreasonable even by NYC standards) and be left alone while I'm paying rent. I believe one pays rent to be left alone and you don't need to be up in a roommate's business when you don't know them. I've not been friends with roommates since I was in law school and never lived with a bestie.

Friends familiar with the absurdity of renting here have sympathized, made neighborhood suggestions and said I needed my own place. They've also confirmed this process being nonsense and one pointed out that apparently I'm doing this in a crowded market and a busy season. But when hasn't housing demand been high and crowded here? Am I supposed to just rot in this situation, enabling these leeches or settle for garbage? I feel like if you don't keep standards for yourself, you'll just make yourself miserable and unhappy.

I'd like to have some advocates who give a shit about ME and actually SHOW this vs. paying me lip service. I need a broker friend or someone who'll advocate for me with a decision maker on this front even though you'd think any sane buidling owner would want a tenant like me, particularly at this stage of my life. Why should I be forced to beg for an apartment when I have that score of over 800 out of 1,000? What gives here? I have long term tennancy situations where nobody would trash me as a renter. I've known landlords who had some nightmare stories about tenants and I have never done the things they told me about those tenants doing.

Is it just a society that punishes people for being responsible, law abiding and not beingn trust fund brats? At least I can't be evicted for a while and nobody's going to sex police me here (I'd refuse to pay a dime past utilites in that scenario) but this is mental sanity stuff right here. I don't think my mental sanity needs to be tested after all the shit I've had to deal with already. Why hasn't the balance moved to people like Hunter Biden or DeBlasio or other truly despicable types? Just saying. At least I'm more than happy and capable of knocking people down from their self-created pedestals and don't worship anyone.

For those in NYC, I leave you with this question: Do you think it's harder to get housing or get a man you have a future with in NYC? It feels like both are impossible at this point.

Friday, January 28, 2022

Some Leaders and Change Makers Aren't Chosen but Summoned

If you are a person governed by personal integrity and the type who feels you should BE the change instead of complaining about why things don't change, then you can definitely relate to this sentiment. As I'm going through my life I definitely have found that to be more and more true.

Sometimes, the choice to speak out or do something is not even really a choice. You're minding your own business, content to go about life and do you thing when all of a sudden there's bullshit confronting you. Maybe it's a rude salesperson. Maybe it's a boss being emotionally abusive. Maybe it's some rando who nearly killed you in traffic. Maybe you're getting slammed by bureaucracy because you don't come from money but people assume you do. Either way, you've been thrust into some time of intolerable conflict where your choices are "sit back and take it" or "give 'em hell." Not sure how common it is or how many people identify as this but I like to think that many people in America are of the "give 'em hell" mindset. We claim to revere and respect the "give 'em hell" types. In fact, I think it's an unofficial requirement that you be a "give 'em hell" type if you're going to be a lawyer.

But have you ever noticed that whistleblowers are never protected by society's decisionmakers or many of the "woke" activists? Where's the fund for them? Don't tell me "just create a GoFundMe or a GiveSendGo campaign." Not everybody's story goes viral or has that kind of support from the world at large. Where's any concern for one's survival in the meantime from any camp? Don't you get that lots of people get blacklisted by employers if they speak up against anyone, even the Harvey Weinstein figures? Where are the employers who fight this bullshit? Why don't any say "I'd be proud to hire that person since they have principles?" Do entire industries just cover for assholes, in contradiction of their supposed claims to value all people or care about the populace at large? I suppose stuff like this makes me look skeptically at the whiners who bitch at people for protecting their own self-interest. Will those woke scolds feed the children of the "good" cops who speak out against corruption? Will they be supporting the fired creatives who report some well known sexual predator? It doesn't look like they do.

In the legal world, lawyers are requried to report ethics violations and can't be blind soldiers just following orders at their jobs. There's a specific rule that says this. But what do legal employers do when someone makes a report against some other employer who's straight up got no business trying to solicit clients or supervising anyone? What if it's an employer who's a sexual predator or hits people in the workplace? I've been given the impression that legal employers have no respect for whistleblowing and outright discourage it by punishing the people who do it with blacklisting in spite of the reality that attorneys are commanded to report ethical violations in their profession. Who thinks the people who'd blacklist some whistleblower is guilty of things that they deserve exposure for or are feckless wimps who'd never report anything since it would be harmful to their personal comfort in some way?

If you're acting against your personal comfort, clearly you're governed by something else & have far more integrity than losers who will blacklist others for taking a stand. I feel like those people would just let some rapist continue harming people, a child molester continue harming kids, a wife beater keep beating his wife, thieves continue to steal, you get the idea. To me, staying silent when shit happens in front of your face is enabling that bad behavior and you might as well be participating in it yourself. Those who are "give 'em hell" types find this intolerable. Their feeling is "I have to do what's right" and it doesn't matter what personal comfort is lost or how much money you pay them to drop a claim or what threats you make to them. It's just "this is what I must do." It's a moral imperative, God's will, however you interpret it.

In my own speaking out and stepping up experiences, I was thrust into some intolerable situation that was unfair to me in some way. Whether it was threat to my academic record, being denied a job I was perfectly capable of doing, an abusive work environment, witnessing racism being practiced on my friends, or seeing loved ones being treated terribly in a job, I didn't choose to inject myself into situations. I was facing negative impact or the threat of negative impact and simply decided it was time to fight against it. In the case of friends being subjected to racism, that was something I was asked to watch then be involved in but I didn't like seeing my friends being treated badly as that affected my life (when you care about your friends, you don't want people abusing them and making them unhappy). This is something I did as early as middle school. It's funny that people actually had positive words for me after I took action even though I was far from Ms. Popular. I've also never regreted taking these actions and I guess this is how I became a lawyer though I'm not a litigator.

When you've been called to take action, you get it. I also keep seeing anti-mandate protesters taking action and I'm like "they're doing the Lord's work." So is the widow of that officer who just got killed. I love that she called out the feckless Bragg in her eulogy, this creampuff DA who thinks criminals should get to freely roam the streets and harm others. I bet he'd feel differently if HIS loved one or HE were a victim of some of his beloved criminals. Same goes for all the politicans who enable that shit. It's time the criminals actually targeted those people. That's what I'd do if I were a criminal.

I suppose, though, that's because I'm also rebellious and big on giving people some "fuck you" alongside something I'm doing. Why individual armed security people or staff members haven't poisoned these people or simply gotten out of the way when guns were aimed at these losers is a mystery to me. My personal integrity would command me to make these people suffer the consequenses of their stupidity. I can't be that rare a breed but perhaps I am. Someone who did that stuff would be a personal hero to me. I understand that officer's widow got a standing ovation when she called Bragg out and is sure to become a personal hero to many in NYC and beyond who are fed up with creampuff DAs and lying politicians.

One thing for sure is that I have tons of real life influence for my creative pursuits. Apparently, we're getting a blizzard so I'll get to sit pretty at home.

Saturday, December 18, 2021

Long Overdue Life Updates

A lot has happened since my last post.

I got to go on my first ever trip outside the United States. That was huge, lots of fun and something I definitely want to do again but want to be more proficient in the language first; I went to Paris so got my first passport stamp in my passport. I got that lifetime subscription to Babble so I could try learning some of the languages they have on there. Sadly, I haven't tried doing that yet but it's on my list of things to do. So is more travel and I do have friends who live in different places I could visit and some who've traveled around the world I can consult with on travel tips.

I also got a new job in an area of law that I learned you could do elsewhere so long as you have a state license SOMEWHERE. So if I ended up leaving NYC, it looks like I could work in a firm that does immigration law as long as I kept at least one of my law licenses. You have to remember that I don't support illegal immigration but if someone's already here and is trying to become legal, that's an impluse I think should be encouraged. If someone's trying to do right and asks for your help, I think you should try to help them in that goal so long as you're not breaking the law or legal ethics rules. However, that's a job I don't feel will last long term. Not because of the work itself, my immediate boss or the support staff (I have no technical colleagues since it's a very small office) but because of the owner. I don't play disrespect towards me, period. If I didn't tolerate something as a 15/16 year old working at JcPenney, I'm not about to stand for it with 2 law licenses and a JD behind me. That's a simple fact. The upside is learning a new area of law and that there is room for creativity and personality in a law firm litigation job. I didn't believe there was any. I still want to make a living in entertainment law or doing in-house work but since I'm learning the paperwork part of litigation, I could end up having more options than I did in the past.

Then, my boyfriend decided to break up with me but it's just like a Woody Allen movie at this point without any teenagers or near teenagers involved in romantic entanglements. I'd never take up with someone that young since I have a nephew who just turned 18. I've always had a minimum of "the legal drinking age" post-divorce (in the US, 21) but since my last birthday, I feel like it's pathetic to pursue 20 something guys. I also don't want to be some sugar mommy or feel like someone's mom. Probably too many generational differences. Plus the guy I was dating is much closer to my age and generation. That breakup has just been puzzling and confusing but I've been pondering things. I've had more time for "me" things (like finding a yoga studio much closer to my apartment than the one I used to go to that closed in the pandemic), though freakouts over the latest variant might fuck me up (my spheres tend to get way more paranoid and dramatic about it than his do). He's been at my apartment more since dumping me right before Thanksgiving than he'd been in 7 months of dating.

It's not been a normal breakup since in a normal breakup, I cut off the guy completely. He's literally X-ed out. An ex can't get into my life again without making effort past me blocking any point of communication he'd previously used. I don't pick up calls from unknown numbers, won't deal with anything with that guy's name, deal with any of his buddies, that sort of thing. I saw these hearts in a booth at Grand Central years back that I still wish I'd at least seen what they cost apiece since if you fashioned one with a layer of thick ice, concrete and barbed wire (not necessarily in that order) you'd have a visual of how guarded I keep my heart. If you'd dealt with lots of people letting you down over the course of decades and had the upbringing I had, you'd also be guarded.

This guy still wants to be in my life and talk to me. He claims that he didn't break up because he lost romantic interest or hated my cooking; part of me still wonders if I'm going to have to see him with some other girl all over him like we were in our dating life. That would be a definite "leave me alone & you might not ever be around me again" thing. I also never stay friends with exes or deal with them. I didn't do that with my ex-husband. 7 years later, I don't see myself ever doing that if I saw him. He did major shit to hurt me; I'm not sure if anyone else could inflict as much psychic damage as he did. I like to pretend exes don't exist. Sorry, I'm not that mature or evolved.

The main reason I've let this guy hang around is because it wasn't an angry breakup like every single other breakup I've ever had. He didn't lie to me about some fundamental aspect of the relationship, he didn't just wake up and tell me he was no longer interested and he was being nice. I've had to take care of myself in life, especially after I lost some contact and support in my life. It's like "fuck you, I'll still get shit done even though you just made things harder." He's also still talked to me on his own volition after the business of retriveving my stuff from his place was done. It's more akin to my marriage than all my other relationships were. I'd told him I won't bother with some guy who's thinking "I broke up with her right before Thanksgiving and she still wants to talk to me. Look how pathetic she is." There's also been a lot more closeness in many ways than he told me he had with other friends and he told me this isn't how his other breakups ended so I don't feel like "this is just some routine he gives to everyone." Apparently him giving me a key so early also wasn't something he did with all the girls so knowing that makes me feel like I matter, that I'm special to him. He mostly said he wants to stay around because he likes me as a person, feels I have potential but will never reach it if I'm not around generous people (of which he's one). Friends have said he's the only guy I've ever dated who wasn't a loser or an asshole. That feels like a very sad commentary on my life; what's even worse is this guy has treated me better in a lot of ways than my ex-husband, the man who married me and took vows with me, ever did.

But I guess you could look at that and say "yes, the breakup was sad but it means the commentary can change." He assures me there are other guys like him in the world with regard to personality. I'm definitely skeptical of such guys existing in NYC though you can find conservatives and guys who don't want to be players in their 50s and 60s+. My question is do any of them have a comparable education and life perspective to me or are they the type to say to me "you use big words" (I've literally had guys in NC say that to me).

In recent weeks I've definitely seen things I can point to and tell this guy "here's how you aren't perfect." He told me a rather illuminating story that made me even more empathetic to his ex than I already was (since I know what it's like to be ambushed and have the man you love leave you). I heard this, thought "I 100% get why she feels as she does" and told him if he'd done that to me I'd have said "I hope that chick has space because you're not staying in my home." I'd have been civil for kids but civility would have been all my ex would have gotten from me; I'd never take him back and sure wouldn't approach him even if I felt my absolute lowest or loneliest. I'd simply get a sex doll and make sure I had a cat for cuddling and affection needs; cats are good for that, at least ones I've been around. Most cats like me.

Cats are also easier since they are very transparent about where you stand with them. They don't pretend to like you and aren't nearly as needy as dogs apparently are. If a cat wants to sit in your lap or get head scratches and you're not the one who feeds him/her, that's genuine fondness. Plus they kill mice and bugs. I can't hate a species that does that and just looks darn cute. I actually missed the ones I had when I was married more than my ex-husband. My roommate's cat has also been very comforting but unfortunately, he's not mine and isn't well cared for by his humans. I've vowed to get a brush for his fur so at least his tail and back will be smooth and fluffy again. He's the Harry of this place (reference to my mom's cat Harry who's a massive love bug but isn't the cat who's so good with vermin killing); if I knew he'd be around New Year's Eve he could be my furry New Year's date but no guarantee there.

Not looking forward to New Year's. I can't stay in NC longer because of my job (though that means money) and I no longer have a boyfriend (the reason I wouldn't stay in NC longer pre-pandemic since court appearances almost never happened between Christmas and New Year's; at least the one year the guy I was seeing had moved away, I was moving into a new place and got to be in a fashion show on New Year's Eve). I don't even have a familiar I could hang out with though maybe I could hang out with a friend who says she'll be around. That's it's own drama, however. At least on Valentine's Day, I have a dedicated single person's ritual. Not a clue what I could do for New Year's that's not spending a crap ton of money on a party. I don't even have some new experience I could do like going to the Times Square ball drop.

One good thing I've noticed is that talking to that friend has given me perspective on my own life troubles. My stuff is much easier than hers. Perspective on your own troubles is impotant; knowing others have survived worse or are going through worse takes you out of feeling sorry for yourself, which is important if you want to cultivate better in your life. Plenty of sources will verify this including guides on manifestation and creating abundance.

Saturday, July 31, 2021

Social Media Background Checks -- What The F***?!?!?!?

Yeah, life has been extremely busy lately. I recently got to have my first international travel experience (more on that in a separate post, maybe after I get some pictures off my phone) that I would never have been able to predict happening even a couple months back. I've also been trying to do mindset work since it seems my former manager and countless others who discuss mindset work may have a point though I'm probably going to remain some level of cynic until I'm dead. Trying to get rid of all my cynicsm might be akin to asking for miracles and no mere human can do that. The best I can do is "be more like my family members."

My boyfriend, who I love if he loves me though he's not actually TOLD me "I love you" (so I'm playing my hand very close to my chest though if he didn't love me, I'd be curious to see how he treats a woman he DOES love; he's been better to me than any other guy I've dated), isn't a man without baggage. I had to warn him about not taking my ex's side in the divorce or trying to brand me as "lazy" when I simply happen to be selective when it comes to what I'm going to do for work. He also seems to ignore his own good fortune at having friends in high places to help him in the working world while I don't have that privilege nor do I have a STEM background or (what seems to be critical in my field) experience or interest in the paperwork part of litigation. Some people get that I work in a niche area, am not your typical attorney and appreciate those things about me while others insist that I conform to be just like every other boring person and that I apologize for not being from a T1 law school, working in a big law firm or wanting to do any of that stuff.

Apparently one such form of shaming creatives/non-conformists comes in the form of "social media background checks." Per my boyfriend and online research he showed me, companies that can pay viable wages employ third party companies to monitor anything you write online then screen you out if you have any opinion whatsoever on a subject that doesn't march in lockstep with the rest of the social conformists or maybe the woke scolds depending on what industry you wish to work in. This post is specifically for you cretins along with those who employ you :)

His stance was "accommmodate these jerks by stifling your creative voice." He's not the first person to say that & ironically I'm not sure any employer has even bothered talking to me long enough to go on such fishing expeditions (if you're an attorney, you definitely know about the use of this term from law school or trial practice work). You apparently have to give consent for this to happen and some companies do have a provision that says you will be permitted to get all the information from such reports. Such reports also omit information based on protected categories (which technically, stuff about your significant other would qualify since that would presume your sexual orientation and an employer can't discriminate based on that in many localities if not the entire US; I do know it's not allowed in NYC).

Apparently these reports include political and religious rants, complaints about previous jobs or bosses (what if your boss was Harvey Weinstein and he'd touched you or made an indecent advance towards you?), participation in activities and so forth.

Is anyone else hearing of this and thinking "this is ripe for abuse and discrimination against someone"? I definitely think it is and would say to some company who interviewed me, went through this process and then rejected me "why would I want to work for you when you are bigots/have no respect for creativity or one's creative voice/enable the Harvey Weinsteins of the world/act like you are Jesus Christ when I'm sure we'd find worse on you if we did a similar search?"

I have maybe near certainty that employers in liberal regions or in the entertainment field would never have an issue with the ANTIFA protester or rioter who destroyed some small business or harassed someone on the street if it wasn't a minority owned business or a minority they'd harassed unless that person was wearing a MAGA hat or supported Trump in some form. Trump supporter seems to cancel out any form of minority status in Leftist Land. Just ask Candace Ownes, Larry Elder or countless black conservatives, independents and anyone else who's not a registered Democrat or speaks against those sacred cows.

I would also question if this employer actually knows what attorneys do and anything about the attorney ethics rules? The attorney ethics rules expect an attorney to report slimeballs & speak out against them, not cover up for them or enable them to harm more people. Attorneys also aren't supposed to be bowing to government corruption or enabling criminality though plenty seem to be completely clueless about the text of the US Constitution, various laws and the state ethics rules for attorneys. I've had to block and wade through those idiots, whom I'd never hire as MY lawyer. You probably wouldn't want to either.

The irony is I've had praise for my blog, my podcast episodes and so forth from industry contacts, propsective clients and even some attorneys. People will tell me "your blog is so funny" or "your comments on this topic resonated with me" or "I think you're exactly right on that point." Those are the people I want to work for, the people who think my storytelling, my humor, my entire essence are wonderful things that deserve to be valued and praised. People who think I shouldn't have to be a starving artist and cede my brain or be a stuffy old boring lawyer and cede my creativity. That's the audience I want. You notice no race, sexual orientation or any other form of identity politics is part of that equation? That's because I've gotten such praise from people of all stripes and in various corners.

The question is why is it that I can't find anyone in that audience who has the ability to hire me for a stable job that would pay within market rates? How come only the boring, hating jerks are in leadership roles in the fields I rock at instead of people who aren't envying others, crushing them emotionally or asking them to dim their light? I have wondered for years why I'm not meeting the ones who value me, respect my time/humor/resourcefulness/creativity/basic essence and only meet the jerks. This feels like a mindset thing, hence my doing that sort of work so I can attract the group I want.

But stuff like that social media background check requirement? That just sets me further back or makes me say "I don't want to work with you." I think many others are probably more equipped emotionally to tolerate or settle for bureaucratic nonsense that I just won't. Not having anyone to back you is a big, fat problem and I love that when I've brought up class factors and economics having to be resolved if you truly want "diversity and inclusion" or truly live by it, people have agreed with me.

In all fairness, diversity of mind and perspective should also be included and not doing so screams "we were lying when we said we cared about diversity and inclusion." That ethic isn't just for minorities and if you want to get more of them in the doors, you have to address class factors, the impact of living in a bad neighborhood or a dysfunctional family where you had to do things on your own or didn't even have the resources to turn to if you wanted to get out of that environment. That stuff affects your psyche, your thought process and how you approach the world. Some people own it and know it's their issue but not everybody has that self-awareness and telling them "get over it" or "do this" isn't effective. You must show them BY EXAMPLE why their particular belief is wrong. Here are some Cracked articles for references: "The 5 Stupidest Habits You Develop Growing Up Poor" & "5 Reasons Why the Middle Class Doesn't Understand Poverty"

I also took a quiz recently called "The 4 Tendencies" and guess which one I got? The Rebel!!! Not a big surprise considering I'm an attorney who's a natural redhead so contrariness is kind of how we roll. However, the thing to know about rebels is that issuing commands at them is how you get them NOT to do something. They view commands as "fuck you and the horse you rode in on, you authoritarian cretin." You have to use LOGIC and REASON with rebels. I have to decide to do something on my time and by my choice, not be bullied or forced into something. Trying that makes rebels resist all that much harder. You'd think the US government would get that and certainly some other governments in the Western world where certainly other rebellious types exist. But that's a whole other story.

I view such checks as an authoritarian effort to bully me into conformity and kiss butt to someone who's most likely not worth my emotional investment or the disturbance to my mental peace, work-life balance and the like. I don't think mental peace or work-life balance is something that only the rich can aspire to or get to have. Shocking, right?? I believe everyone should have standards for themselves since nobody else is going to care about them or have to deal with the repercussions of violating them. You know, I may even end up saying that very loudly to someone at some point and they'll either think I'm exactly right or incredibily intelligent and after considering my points think I've got a valid point. If you're such a screener, yep I'm calling you out and you can tell that employer I said it since I probably will say that or ask probing questions to anyone saying it's part of their process.

Now to await the presence of people who'll read this and say "right on!"

Tuesday, May 4, 2021

And the Future Is...

NYC for now. Happened to be awake before 8 am so since I'm up, why not update this blog???

How did we get to NYC? Eh, a few things.

For one thing, I met a new guy. I've not made a big production of it, partially because I'm more private in things, didn't want to jinx it and I've been doing my fair share of dating post Mr. Big Stuff. There's also the inherrent nature of dating in NYC (see this post for details). I still think that post is generally applicable though undoubtedly the pandemic has changed things in NYC.

One big question that's lingered in my head is "Is NYC dead?" From my own travels and my own conversations with people, I'd say "there's still life here and even still some of that old school spirit." For those holding nasty notions about black people, I've seen black people have words with other black people who were panhandling or lowering the quality of life in NYC by harassing others. One of those incidents happened on a bus I was taking to go home. Doing bus travel (as I'm not feeling the subway right now, despite claims that it will go back to 24/7 service in a very short time and the city is re-opening in a very short time; I smell politics at work vs. "lowered virus threat"), it's been "Harlem: the same as it ever was." I've also not heard back on my community board application so I've got to at least see what happens there.

FYI, getting onto community board in NYC doesn't even completely have to do with you the applicant. I learned this after going on a group interview (two words that made me shudder immediately but it turns out this was much better than expected since this wasn't the most extroverted person dominating the entire conversation as it was when I did a group interview for a job at Abercrombie back in my college days; demanding the introverts suddenly morph into extroverts isn't cool and I'm saying that as more of an ambivert vs. a stone cold introvert with no extrovert tendencies to speak of) and being told what the next steps are. Not sure if people will actually look at the demographics I fit but I had a good laugh there answering the one "how do I identify myself" question noting my whole natural redhead thing and having to completely be self-made. Regardless, I'll get to actually tell you how the application process works, what the selection criteria is and get to bitch about politics on a whole new level that someone who's never done it has no right to.

I think there ought to be a rule in life that if you have never done the thing you're criticizing, such as worked as a police officer/been on a ride along/known any cops, you don't get to bitch about it. You don't get a mic but you get silenced and ridiculed for being an idiot trying to pose as an expert. That way, people who actually know what they're talking about will be the ones who get the mic and real change can happen. I always cheer on people speaking on topics they've lived or experienced since that actually means they're worth listening to on something. If people would only stick to topics they're actually educated on, the world would be a much better place along with them staying in their own lanes (I'm looking at you, vaccine).

But the new guy....that's something that blows Mr. Big Stuff totally away. I actually haven't felt that way about someone since I was dating my ex-husband. 4 months later and in the wasteland of NYC, I'd never believe someone who wrote on my Hinge profile "I'm going to prove you wrong" when I claimed that a guy on my level in looks, intelligence and the like didn't exist actually WOULD prove me wrong. Never one to resist a challenge like that, I instantly responded to that guy. He promptly asked me out. I told myself I would be good and not do instant sex (something that's rather common if you live and date in a major city, to the chagrin of you church ladies); I also had to see the gyno on medical stuff the next day and told him this directly in order to avoid any misperceptions or confusion (I wasn't playing any games and also figured it would be awkward to be doing such things then going into the gyno's office where they have to mess with those areas). I went to the gyno and was then out of commission for a bit. This guy asked me out again very quickly: I told him certain things are out of commission. He says "It's just your pussy that's out of commission, not you. I want to see YOU, not just your pussy." I don't feel like a lot of guys who'd just met you in NYC would vocalize such a thing though maybe more would be thinking it than my inner cynic would believe. He saw my tiny room and we hung out here. I also introduced him to my roommate's cats including the one who is super sweet and affectionate. Long story with those cats but as we get to talking, I note that we have more stuff in common. I also learn that he's as good at managing around setbacks as I am. When certain things were finally back in commission, there was definitely a natural progression towards incorporating that element into the proceedings.

At this stage in my life and certainly living in NYC, even in pandemic times, I figured finding a guy where that existed was about as likely as winning the lottery, getting struck by ligthning or maybe my family leaving NC and moving closer to where I live. I didn't even feel that whole thing with Mr. Big Stuff until later in the relationship and it was never on that same level of intensity. Going on dates post divorce, I didn't feel the same energy as I had with my ex and just thought "that's stuff for your teens and 20s and Single 1.0 life". If you've felt it, you know what I'm talking about. It's the difference between a mere surface "I like this person and having sex with them" and a feeling that just thinking of that person makes you all giggly, smiley and silly to where strangers wonder what the hell's wrong with you. It's wanting to be around that person a ton, even when you're sad and depressed and not feeling like dealing with the world. To you, that person isn't "the world" they're just "that person." You don't feel like you need pretension or to put on your face or be "the me I show the rest of society." It's something you feel organically, not something you can manufacture or push yourself into feeling no matter how much you want to feel that way. Ideally, as you're feeling it the other person is too. Otherwise you just feel naked in a metaphysical sense (God knows we've all felt that at one time or another; a classic example is unrequited crushes).

On literal 4/20, I get asked about becoming exclusive. I accept so here we are. No regrets or itchiness to bail at the moment. He tells me he looks forward to becoming an old couple together. I'm like "okay." That prospect didn't scare me and I'm the woman who's had to deal with stalkers and clingy guys with no love for either. Coming from him, however, just felt natural and like it could be a possibility. It didn't feel like intrusion. I think when remarks like that don't feel like intrusion, that means you've got that heady rush and more than a mere fling or sex buddy scenario going on. It feels nice to finally have a local guy I want to spend time with. My sister, upon hearing about this boyfriend, claims I won't be going to NC this summer since now I have a boyfriend. I don't really know if that's true but it definitely makes me feel like my future could indeed be here vs. feeling like there's nothing left & where the heck am I going to possibly start over at.

I also bit the bullet and hired a professional resume/cover letter writer to target entertainment law jobs specifically. As a likely result, I did score a couple good interviews (one job turned me down but the other I'm still waiting to hear about for a second interview; I need to follow up on that today). Such a job would change things dramatically if I can't get another stable, viable income stream from independent work and now that I have this boyfriend (the fabled guy my former therapist told me I should be going out with), I feel like "it's time to up your game; you can totally do this." If we're the sum of who we hang out with, then this guy blows everybody else away in that regard. As far as I'm concerned, if Mr. Big Stuff tried talking to me again I'd throw that in his face and inform him that he's got no chance. He should have thought about my value when I went to see him in December. His loss is my boyfriend's gain. Every single person I've talked to is Team New Boyfriend.

One of these days, I'll get a nickname for him but it's something that's got to come to me. Those are something else you can't manufacture or invent since mine come from using it to sum up everything you need to know about the person without excessive detail. The best is when other people use my nicknames to describe the same person. What's even more interesting is I found out recently the emergency room in NC misdiagnosed my toe injury and it's actually broken but never healed (and that's why I can't bend the lower joint in my index toe). If my toe had been broken, I might never have gone to Indiana since scheduling it before going back to NYC and not missing holidays with family was hard enough beforehand. If I'd not gone to Indiana, I wouldn't have had my heart broken and learned Mr. Big Stuff was a dead end. If I'd thought there was still possibility with Mr. Big Stuff, I wouldn't have gotten dating profiles anywhere (including Hinge). If I'd never gotten a Hinge profile, I'd have never met my new boyfriend and if I'd never met my boyfriend then he wouldn't be in my life now, wouldn't be my boyfriend and I'd not be feeling that heady rush stuff. It definitely feels like something out of "Sliding Doors" (a movie you should see if you haven't). What's even cooler is that he's seen lots of movies and TV shows I reference. He even mentioned a show that I'd also seen and claimed he was the only one who'd seen it!!! You get to do a lot more shorthand when you're in one of those heady rush situations mainly because you discover that you're on the same mental plane. Dating my ex-husband consisted of a lot of that and we were definitely a couple who disgusted people with their PDA. I'm sure my boyfriend and I would also be that couple if more social settings were happening but perhaps people in NYC are more chill about such things & there are fewer people around here though things are perking up.

Sleep may just about be hitting me so I might be doing more of it in a bit. Let's see.

Friday, January 29, 2021

Just Waiting on What the Future Holds

Made it back to NYC, got a negative on that first COVID test now just awaiting results on the second one. I'll have to call that place tomorrow if they don't have my results today (though they told me 2 days and it's been 2 days since I went). Thought I'd go to CityMD again but when I got there before 11 am they were at capacity for the day (they opened at 9 am). I was like "if I have to get up to be here at 9, I'm probably going to be very pissy being up that early". Not a lie; if I have no real reason to be awake early I like to avoid doing it. Wouldn't we all??

I've been on those upscale dating apps and some other ones for a bit and getting back to NYC, I discovered far more hotties in the area, got more likes and an interesting new contact who wants to discuss me assisting on a non-profit he wants to set up. Got rid of my pic with me and Mr. Big Stuff on my vision board & know what I need to replace it with (a pic of my youngest niece for one since she actually hugged me on her own volition while I was down there though I'm not going to have the bond of Mama or Gaghee, which is literally how my mom spells the name my oldest nephew dubbed her as a "grandma" term).

After finding out that your address information and other details of your community board application don't become shown to the world, I opted to apply for community board in my area. If I got that, I'd have to stay in this area. Whether they accept me or not, I have no idea since I don't have direct involvement in THIS community but have lived in NYC for a very long time, did speak at a community board meeting in my old neighborhood in the marriage days & am probably responsible for a small segment of Queens subsequently getting FiOS after years of promises that up to that point hadn't materialized into FiOS service. Also, if you really want to affect change in government you go do stuf like this. Go to the community board meetings, speak to people, apply for it when the applications open up, call up your local reps and state your views, run for government roles & so forth. You don't burn down buildings, loot neighborhood businesses and put your neighbors out of work. You also don't turn your community into a shithole if you want anybody to give a damn about it. I was doing this sort of thing long before the rise of SJWs so I look at their tactics and say "they've perverted legitimate protest and legitimate issues." Decades of psychological study also defy the leftist manifesto and general tactics. This is also why I'm going to keep laughing when people with zero knowledge of what they speak talk about politics and civic matters.

When you've run for office, lobbyed or even spoken with anyone from your local rep's office THEN I'll listen when you speak on such topics. Otherwise, stick to acting, modeling, producing or whatever it is you do & actually know something about.

As far as politics, I'm like "dazzle me, bitches!!" Talk is cheap, action is everything. We'll see what happens. I like to think many other people have a similar take and are watching to see what Biden does here. Will he call out the leftists? Reign in BigTech? Get that stimulus out as promised? Will Cuomo revitalize NYC (he claims we need to reopen but what's he going to do about the rampant crime that's caused a literal "Escape from NYC")? Will he remove DeBlasio, who might be hated by just about everyone in NYC and a lot of people outside of NYC?

Hatred of DeBlasio and his race pandering wife (yes, you can be a minority & a race panderer just as you can be any color of the rainbow & be a shitty person) might be another point of common ground along with love of Betty White. I've never seen anyone say "I hate Betty White."

Just noticed "Youth of a Nation" by POD playing on my iTunes list. That seems fitting for the moment we're in, huh?

Realized that I don't think NC is going to be my future. For one thing, it's probably not very good for dating to find the predominant accent of an area to be one of your turnoffs. It probably also isn't good to be in a place where you need to have a car to get around & not have one of your own. Then there's not having many people involved in your niche in the area, being constrained by too many past connections you'd like to get away from & not wanting your life to feel like "Our Town" or some very boring soap opera. It's also hard to find guys down there who are childfree & won't want you to pop out their babies or adopt a mom role with their kids. I also don't want to be the only cool person in the room; there's got to be more people like you to hang around. But the question is, where do you go if NYC is dead?

I'm not sure if it is yet. I know what my personal tipping point will be but I'm sort of seeing where life will take me. Is it going to be here, some bigger city of North Carolina, northern Arkansas if I get into that incentive program, some other locale that is offered? My law license would like New York or Connecticut but I could do in-house counsel work most other places. I could even motion into the US Virgin Islands if I wanted to because of having a Connecticut law license, which I think is cool.

Then I also met this guy in NC and had a very weird experience since he never actually tried making a move on me, had invited me to stay in a room at his house aside from any romantic interest then he bails on taking me out for my birthday though I'd stayed over at his house and he never even sat next to me when I sat down at his home. I'm like "what the hell?!?!" That would never happen in NYC, even with the most gentleman of gentleman. I'm divorced, caught up on my missed years of adventure and while I'm not a whore, I'm also not a teenager. He was also a NC native while I've had better conversation with 2 other guys who moved there but aren't from there. One even wants to visit me up here and I said there'd be some video chatting before I even considered that. We didn't even go on a date while I was down there so I kind of insist on that. He told me he didn't have the Southern accent so that's points for me.

I'll still be writing this blog and trying to figure out if I can do more surreal adventures I can post but I definitely will be looking more towards my podcast so when I get that official link with the new name, I'll have to post that so you can hear it. Might have to start fielding off more crazies after that as well but fielding off crazies has been part of my life for a good while so that'd be a whole "what's new?" kind of thing.

Saturday, January 2, 2021

Looking Back on 2020 & Thinking About the Future

Doing this on someone else's laptop is a total pain. Hoping my own laptop will be back in commission sooner rather than later. I went to see Mr. Big Stuff in Indiana at HIS invitation back in December and discovered my screen was cracked when I got there. Perhaps that was a portend of the other events that happened in that time.

The day I arrived, things were good and he was well aware that I was staying for 2 weeks. The next day, he brings up three ways when I'd told him before I didn't want to feel like that was a condition to me being in his life, felt he was asking me to degrade myself for him & wouldn't be comfortable with that since I couldn't tell him I wouldn't rip some woman's hair out if I saw her with him in that way. As time goes on, he tells me he's stressed out with his Masters in AI program, has all these grand plans to travel, is eager to take the coronoavirus vaccine and that trip to FL we were supposed to take as a test of our future if the pandemic hadn't happened?? He was planning to invite "friends" he fucked and planned to fuck women in front of me like I was going to be cool with that.?

Yeah, I pointed out that he violated the basic rules of relationships and our 5 year history by lying to me about his "not being built for monogamy", growing up Mormon (he'd told me he was Catholic when we met and he claimed he converted in college when I met him & I pointed out that Catholics aren't on board with the sharing shit), his stance on me not sleeping with other guys when we were exclusive boyfriend/girlfriend, his claim to love me even as we were doing intimate things (I'd also told him not to even invite me to travel if he was going to introduce me to some local ho or be going out on dates while I was present) and generally deceiving me about his "lifestyle" knowing I was going through a painful divorce when we met + decided to return to my life in 2017 after I'd told him to fuck off, that he was dead to me and blocked him from everything. He even violated the rules of his own lifestyle since you're not supposed to force people to be okay with sharing and sister wife shit & you certainly aren't supposed to keep that from someone for 5 years, make special effort to follow and see them and act like somebody matters like he did to me.

Looking back maybe a week afterwards, I thought that maybe he'd been trolling me since he's got a history of doing that but realized that it doesn't matter since that's his loss, I could get a far better guy than him and immediately reactivated one dating app I was on as well as got accounts on a few other ones. I even got approved for 2 upscale dating apps (both of which are against sugar daddy seekers) and have had guys contact me on them. One reason for that is to prove to myself that he's indeed wrong when he claims that all guys who live in NYC and have Type A personalities are anti-monogamy and demand you to degrade yourself for them by sharing them with other bitches if you ever hope to have anything with them. I feel like that statement is wrong and not all guys with money are wannabe Caligulas.

Before I took that trip, I thought about the worst case scenario and decided I'd rather be free from any illusions of a future with that guy or feeling any love towards him & at a minimum, I could say I'd visited a state I'd not been to before. I actually told him I took back any claim to love him if he didn't love me. He claimed to "care a lot" about me but I find that illogical since he wanted me to do that sharing shit; he can hire a prostitute for that, not waste my time and expect me to become some bisexual ho to please him. I view asking someone to share when they're able and willing to satisfy you + you have no real commitment to them like marriage or kids to be the opposite of caring for them.

I realized that 1) I'm the one who left since he would have been a-okay with me going along and told me I didn't have to leave immediately when he claimed he didn't know I'd planned for 2 weeks (staying 1 week turned out to be a blessing since 2 weeks would have been unbearable), 2) I kept my dignity intact and that's a good thing & 3) that whole thing is over. When he moved away from NYC, he wasn't really an ex since we didn't have a formal breakup but this was a breakup and an end. There's closure.

He was also nicer to me about it than my ex-husband ever was. His last words to me were "best of luck to you" and he claimed he wouldn't be bashing me to his friends and contacts for being for monogamy and seeing jealousy as a part of human nature vs. a character flaw as he claimed it was. I told him he's also in the minority for wanting to do communal living, a life I'd never be suited for (facts: most communes failed and open relationships don't last long term). My last words were "ciao" since I didn't feel charitable enough to wish him well though I didn't feel like wishing him to Hell either.

I still hope karma gets him and he lives to regret what he did since I didn't make it easy for him in the least & won't since that's not the kind of woman I am. Had he done that before any emotional investment happened, say when he met me 5 years ago we could have walked away with no harm, no foul. Maybe then he could have been friends with me.

Friends and family have no love for him. I don't even have to wish bad on him since they're wishing more than enough bad on him for this & he claimed he wouldn't be doing that to me (it's not in his interest to try it anyway). His claim for apologizing to me in 2017 when he really had no reason for it was "I missed you." Well, this time I don't think he'd get a second chance since "fool me once, shame on you" but "fool me twice, shame on me." He claimed to have forgotten many things he'd said to me before and I don't want a guy with such a bad memory.

Not to mention he didn't get the symbolism of "I Can't Go for That (No Can Do" by Hall & Oates playing as he was driving me to the airport from his house. I also found the weather symbolic since it was raining and awful outside that morning but as we were on the interstate, the dark clouds were clearing away to make way for a bright sky. Actually, I took that as an omen and took pics of it to remind myself of things being dark now but that brighter days were ahead for me. I can't deal with a guy who doesn't get symbolism; that's as bad to me as a guy telling me I "use big words."

Mr. Big Stuff also has plenty of flaws and I remind myself of those in order to avoid them in the next guy. He may be cute but he's not the only good looking guy in this world and I went on those dating apps to remind myself of that fact. He's not even the only good looking guy who'd give me the time of day & his being gone so much makes things far more easier. I also am happy that I found out in this way rather than in FL where I might have been stuck surrounded by bitches and with no escape hatch to be found. That would have been even more traumatic for me. It also occurs to me that apparently he thinks he's Christian Grey without the BDSM stuff. Certainly his voice sounds like what you'd expect the devil at your shoulder to sound like though I won't deny that it's sexy.

So the knowledge that I did the right thing for myself is one positive from the pandemic. As my sister said, maybe the virus will make his dick fall off. I laughed at that and felt like that would be a true lesson; sterility wouldn't hurt either since he claimed to want kids but would never be selfless enough for them since he didn't even celebrate his own birthday, much less any holidays despite us spending a Thanksgiving together that he claimed he enjoyed. As I said, I want karma to fix him for that and it will eventually since we're all accountable for the harm we inflict on others.

Another positive of the pandemic is plexiglass shields in places, curbside pickups for things including clothing, not having to see people you don't even like (so great for those who didn't do extended family events or hated going to them in the first place), spending more time with nieces and nephews than I have for any part of their lives, resolving some conflicts from my past and perhaps the ultimate time to reevalute things (in my case, seeing my hometown from a new perspective and resolving some old conflicts with family). It's still not as hard for me emotionally as my divorce was, this breakup or the pandemic taking my main income source away. My mother assures me that I'll be fine since I'm "a Phoenix". Part of me is still like "how the hell DO you still maintain a sense of reality while keeping the positive vibes you need to have if you want to manifest the things you need/want to have a good existence?" Perhaps that's the struggle of all practical types who run their own businesses.

I also have to figure out how to create a business brand that's authentic to my personal and who I am since I'm not some boring ass lawyer & can't do that. That feels like something I need to have my own laptop for though it is something I fully intend to do. Revising my resumes today, even my per diem legal resume, made me feel more accomplished and like a boss babe than I was feeling. I've discovered in the dating world that income isn't nearly as relevant as what you're doing in your life & the struggles you overcame to get there. One guy today told me being the first person in my immediate family to go to college and the first in my entire family to go to any law school is an accomplishment that I should be proud of. I've been looking back at how I thought and my mindset in those days.

The main thing I remember is that I simply said I was going to do certain things. I was going to go to law school. I was going to live in NYC. I was going to get out of my hometown. There was never a thought of "what if you don't do that?" That just wasn't in my psyche. I don't even think "what if you don't find a better guy than Mr. Big Stuff" exists in my psyche since I just adamantly believe that such guys do exist. When or how I find them is a whole other story but I do believe they're out there. I didn't know exactly what law school I was going to attend but I did get to do it & here I am still licensed in that state.

Perhaps too many people have been trying to talk me out of my career stuff and there's just too much boring crap out there in my field for me to see a way to do my own methods. I probably need to pinpoint someone specialized in this world who gets that I am who I am and can offer a plan that works for ME, not any old entertainment attorney or even any old lawyer. That plan isn't something that's materialized in my brain like so many other plans did. Then I need to find the devotees who've got money for my services.

I have some fans, even some who liked my podcast I started doing and will continue to do. It's the same name as this blog and if you want to do listener support, be my guest but I'll not beg people for things or expect them to carry me. I'll change the name at some point but I need that to come to me as well.

One other big thing that surprised me this year was winning a Yelpie award that was based on a vote by the Yelp community. I've got a trophy and a gift basket of goodies waiting for me once I get back to NYC so that'll be fun; I also had no idea I was that popular or my reviews had such an impact on the community for me to get 2nd runner up in the Veteran Impact Award. I've also got a fashion shoot to do and a guy in Connecticut who wants to meet me in person so that makes me smile some. A dreaded milestone birthday is also on the horizon but I guess I can lay claim to not remotely looking that age, still attracting younger guys (though I decided I'm over guys under 30 since they're too unreliable and I'm not looking to be anybody's sugar mommy even if I had the means for it) and getting to spend it with family. I even lost weight since the pandemic weight gain though it remains to be seen if I can fit into my old bottoms again or not. My great black jeans fit me better now but perhaps I should have brought other bottoms to see how they do.

I'm also thinking I'll apply for community board since if I got that, I'd certainly have a reason to stay in NYC. I also may have the option of getting into Connecticut or even traveling with one of my buddies I've traveled with before (who reminded me that when things seem the worst with you, there's always somebody who's got more troubles to deal with & money can't shield you from life's troubles). With community board, at least there's learning how that process works and seeing that from firsthand knowledge. Plus if you actually want to do something productive to help your community and the world that's far more effective than torching public buildings, assaulting cops and vandalizing people's homes.

My life is still a big question mark and that's frustrating but everybody kind of has that going on at the moment. I'm also trying to remember that old lesson from 2014: life is the ocean. Life IS change.

Now I'm just seeing where my direction is going and I know of the things I want and things I won't tolerate at all. Who's wondering where the tipping point is for society, individuals and the like??

Thursday, October 29, 2020

Why Lawyers and BigTech Don't Mix

I'm sure we're all familiar with Facebook and Twitter engaging in leftist cheerleading and censorship of opposing views under the guise of "anti-harassment and bullying policies". Yet these are supposed to be platforms for ADULTS, right? Aren't children directly banned from them? And you're looking for civility on the INTERNET?!?!?! Like, what world did these people drop in from?

I actually got out of Facebook jail and for some reason, pedandic crybabies haven't tried getting me banned again but I haven't really done Twitter so much since it's not my medium. I'm a woman of words, not of cutesy brainlessness.

So I noticed LinkedIn, the vanilla version of everyone, started getting more political. Not sure why LinkedIn decided it wanted to be a Facebook clone by allowing photos, videos and other unrelated work stuff including political pages. The problem, however, is it decided to become China in regulations and endorse leftists. For simply making comments and pointing out lack of credibility in certain expressed opinions from users who either were fake, didn't even get a vote on the topic (think foreigners discussing American elections) or people who engaged in blatant hypocrisy, "Ross" claimed that apparently LinkedIn decided to ban me with zero warning, notice or specifics on exactly what words were considered "wrong" to them. LinkedIn is even more so supposed to be a platform for ADULTS and for that matter PROFESSIONALS. Presumably, professionals have actual jobs or businesses and aren't cheering on rioters, corruption and the like.

I thought about this e-mail I got from Ross after doing an appeal (I made it a policy to appeal anytime they tried censoring some comment I wrote though they never sent you a copy of the comment or spelled out WHY they were censoring your statements) & decided that LinkedIn is not essential to my life. I made some good contacts in my pandemic vacation and kept information from those people since they contacted me directly. I'll be informing more of them about the situation soon enough. I also know of other platforms that haven't been corrupted and signed up on those. I also thought to myself "I'll just do more blogging and podcast episodes so I can speak freely." I could even try that on my own website since it's got a blog feature as well. I know of others who've created accounts elsewhere, decided to say "fuck BigTech", that sort of thing. It's also been said that the more known you are, the less reachable you need to be. There are lots of celebrities who either got off social media or didn't opt to be on there in the first place. If it's good enough for them and many others who've decided not to stand for the Chinese law these platforms want to follow, why shouldn't I do the same?

For the numbskulls out there, lawyers are NOT supposed to be onboard with societal BS. It's the job of lawyers to point out oppression, rights being ignored, speak for the voiceless & call out the corruption where it exists regardless of what popular opinion dicates is good or bad. Lawyers are not supposed to be a wing of the censorship police or sit back while the brown shirts oppress others. If you follow history and the rise of communism, then you know that the lawyers were killed just as the intellectuals were since commies HATE independent thinkers. Law is all about critical thinking, especially law school. Oh, and we actually know what the laws say, what the Constitution means and so forth. Leftists in the legal profession are as ironic as rich people supporting communism. Stupid is probably also an accurate term since both will be targeted and offed in those same movements. It's like the ringleaders never read "Animal Farm" or actually studied the rise of communism. I've done both, even reading "Animal Farm" on my own while doing a document review assignment. The parallel to communism is obvious to anyone with basic reading comprehension. My liberal arts college required us to take a class called "Human Nature & the Social Order" where we defintely weren't taught about communism being a great thing. What I got from any class on the subject was "communism is a nice idea on paper but fails in the real world since you're never going to change human nature." Any real lawyer doesn't let anybody bully them into silence and trying to bully me is straight up laughable. I've survied things that most of these brats would have been destroyed by. I seriously wonder why any of these overgrown toddlers are getting media coverage and why these platforms should get to maintain Section 230 protection when they want to be editors instead of publishers. Many class actions are on the rise so the results will be quite interesting. I hope they get slammed as they deserve to be.

Now I'm just waiting to see how the election and so forth plays out. Made plans to see my sweetie for a couple weeks to determine if we've got a future together, hanging out with family, not trying to get overweight though apparently I "look healthier" now and am actually within a normal weight for my height. It took 6 years & a pandemic to get back to my pre-divorce weight. Also looking at the bright sides though my family never did big family holiday gatherings (my sister is probably thrilled about not having to deal with in-laws she's not keen on). I have a great Halloween costume that's even COVID friendly along with fun mask ideas if I ever have to design my own. I also am hoping I get my absentee ballot in time after thinking I wouldn't get to vote at all; as of today it STILL says "reviewing application" with a date of a few days ago. I asked them to send it straight to where I'm staying now and I have to get it postmarked by November 3rd. Hoping that goes off without a hitch but who knows. Otherwise, just more day to day stuff and hoping my income actually matches my training and background sooner rather than later. Now I'll have to do some quality niece time. Who wouldn't want to spend time with her? She's a little cutie.

Thursday, September 17, 2020

NYC & Life in the Pandemic Age

Got back to NYC somewhat recently from NC and discovered that many of bottoms no longer fit. No more H&M size 2 skirts that fit the same. Most of my dress pants are now too small and even many dresses don't fit. I weight myself and now I'm 120. Granted, not fat ass territory and probably me at a normal weight (most people tend to say I'm TOO thin) but I can't help but feel like a fat ass. Yes, my diet is drastically different in NYC and there's far more walking to be had here; I even live in a 4th floor walkup and realized I could also just do stair running if I want to really get exercise. Everyone's like "you'll get to your same size again; just do some situps". I went to get a COVID test in my neighborhood then to a nearby grocery store and when I got back, I woke up the next day to leg pain. I thought "Get over it, legs. There'll be much more of that around here." I also realize a lot of people have gained weight; some even went through worse (like my landlady, who's still recovering from her hospitalization at the peak of COVID and is now trying to regain the ability to walk; she used to do a lot of the household stuff around here but now can't do such things).

Coming back here feels like starting a new school since so many things are different. None of my stuff was in the kitchen fridge and freezer. My stuff was still safe and I didn't have to walk into bug fest so that was a relief. When I first walked into this room with my new luggage, I thought "this room is much smaller than I remember it." After a few hours, I got over that space difference.

Yet as I've been traveling around here, it feels like there are still things that are the same. Broadway in my neighborhood is still the same. On my bus ride yesterday, the areas I passed through looked the same. The Upper East Side is reportedly still safe (a couple of friends live in that area). Not all the cute guys left NYC from my observation. I'm still not feeling the subway or being out after dark right now but at least I'm not hearing gun shots in this area or having to worry about being attacked on the streets in my neighborhood. I also get a lot more privacy here than I would in NC. Total lack of privacy there and everyone agrees that if my sister and her family had their own house, things would be a lot better for everyone concerned since there's a lack of space. It feels like that plan is getting farther and farther away for them. I was doing a lot of livestreaming but then my family leaders got bullied off the site, other family members joined new families and I'm not into paying money into this app to get means to give gifts to people who'll likely never gift me if I'm going live. I actually haven't gone live since I've gotten back to my apartment but may do my farewell address today. I also know I need to do some creative writing and more podcast episodes (and put a link to the podcast on my website!!).

Then I got put in Facebook jail about a month ago and am not feeling returning since Facebook wants to openly be a fascist network as of October 1st. To me, that's "why should I bother here?" It's like they know nothing about attorneys or what they actually DO in life. Catering to or endorsing societal BS isn't in the job description, nor would any sane person want it to be. I also know the fate of attorneys in commie regimes so attorneys supporting that look incredibly stupid to me. I also had a much better time not being on Facebook other than in Messenger or elsewhere and not really posting. Plus, I've been doing more networking on LinkedIn, using a legal posting service and trying to spend time with friends and family. Still getting my unemployment and just trying to hang in there, pray and so forth. With a viable paying income, I'm not sure exactly what I'd do or where I'd go but still trying to evaulate what I'm going to do (give up my room & move my stuff to some storage unit in NC, move someplace else in NY or CT, store my stuff in NY or CT and go back to NC). I'm honestly not sure but I know what I'll find intolerable and won't go giving my mother a heart attack. I think she and my family are probably happy I came to NC instead of remaining in NYC to possibly get sick. I understand that positive cases are about 1% here at the moment. I have no issues with mask wearing and was doing that before most people were.

I'm also wondering if I could get my clothes "unaltered" since most of my things had to be altered to fit my smaller size from before. Not sure about evening gowns and I know some of my formal dresses or cocktail dresses weren't altered before so I'm out of luck on those. However, clearing stuff out has actually given me more wardrobe space. I haven't decided how I feel about that yet. I also know there may be no need for me to wear dress pants or evening gowns in the near future. My mom told me not to get rid of clothes yet since I may lose that NC weight. The major factors behind that are much bigger meals, less healthy food in those meals and far less physical activity (though I tried to go to the store with family on weekends to get out of the house and get exposure to sunlight + make sure my immune system would be okay). I'm thinking I'll stay until maybe shortly before Halloween and I'm trying to figure out a costume where a face covering makes sense & that's not too scary for my niece and nephew. I have 2 major ideas and one might be more affordable though will come with something that may be hard to find storage space for later. Unless I have a physical reason to stay in NYC, I'll probably just stay in NC for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Maybe I'll even do my birthday though I couldn't tell you what I want or if I have any plans for going someplace. I haven't even though about Christmas or Thanksgiving.

I will be SOO pissed if my leather pants and my evening gowns will no longer fit or can be altered. At least those pants aren't the right style for a costume idea I have planned and if the previous tailor didn't remove material, most of those dresses could just be "unaltered" to the original sizes. Yes, we shouldn't get too attached to clothing but fortunately I didn't spend tons of money on most of my clothes and some of it is replaceable. I spoke with Mr. Big Stuff and others about the fact that my bottoms no longer fit yet my underwear still fits and asked him about a major relationship matter: would you drop someone over not looking exactly the same as they did when you married them? He said he's picky about such things, including for himself so I think his answer is "yes." I'm like "I'm not referring to being obese or overweight or being formerly active but now becoming a couch potato; I'm talking about the slowing of metabolism and aging." I'm not sure whether he realizes people usually get fatter when they age due to slowing metabolisms and that has me wary but I told him my concern is personality changes like becoming a substance abuser or get Alzheimer's; now I realize Alzheimer's isn't exactly something you can control nor is depression or mental health matters but those are personality changes and personality is a big part of someone's idenity and why you'd care about them in the first place. If he and other men get to be shallow over weight (a physical change), I certainly get to be shallow over substance abuse or mental health issues since those are mental changes. That kind of made me wonder "okay, how is the issue over weight different from the drug addict or the Alzheimer's patient?"

Perhaps one thing is weight alone doesn't necessarily hurt your partner though what if the person is obese to where they can't leave their house? Or where the other one has to be a caregiver? Or where the other one now has to adopt a different diet since the other one has to eat differently? I wouldn't like impositions on me, my body or my lifestyle. It's an interesting thought, right? Because of that, I'm like "not sure I can entirely dismiss him as shallow" but I did inform him that pregnancy messes up a woman's body, especially if she has multiple kids. This might become one of those "I'm older and wiser" sort of things. I also informed him about the sedentary lifestyle of the South (a woman who was riding an Amtrak I was taking to NC summed it up best: "all they do down there is eat & sleep") and said if he wanted to live there, he might want to take that into consideration (meaning he'd better find a good workout regime and ways to be active and monitor his own diet carefully since it'll be much harder to do that there than in a place like NYC). I'm still a stick person by Southern standards & always was according to anyone who knew me in those days.

NYC lends itself to far more physical activity and I feel like food here is much more rich so you don't need to eat as much of it in a sitting. You can also find cuisine for the health conscious more easily and some of it is actually pretty good since there are lots of people who've developed it and taken time to craft healthy + tasty recipies. I still have to figure out which Trader Joe's I'll go to and how I'll get some of the food. I wish I could have brought my butter chicken dinners with me but at least I got my orange juice and my veggies in my suitcase & used some of the chocolate in s'mores.

Still evaulating what I'm going to do. I feel like the medical checkup blitz & seeing friends will tell me more but I am definitely feeling some comforts of home.

Friday, June 19, 2020

What a Difference a Few Months Make...

So, shortly after I did my last post I quarantined myself in case I'd possibly gotten coronavirus from all my court travels (I had a cold on March 5th). The next week, when I was feeling better, is when NYC went to hell in a handbasket. It actually happened on a Friday the 13th, a day that's usually a very good one for me. Overall, MY day was okay then since I didn't have to go grocery shopping. Later, I learned that during the week of March 9th is when a lot of attorneys were exposed to coronavirus & quite a few caught it. I gave up court assignments, even cancelled a deposition I was supposed to go to the morning I woke up with that cold. Funny thing is that on March 12th in particular, the courtroom of a judge who later died from coronavirus was completely packed. An attorney in that court had complained of the crowding and the judge had told the attorney "if you don't like it, you can leave." Isn't that interesting?

I'm glad I got my last bit of normalcy in seeing my sweetie and going to my friend's birthday party before the month changed to March. He actually warned me that "things are going to get bad in NYC." After the next week started, I restocked food I ate while doing my self-quaratine. Looking back, I feel like maybe I saved myself from getting coronavirus by sitting that week out. Other than getting meats, I was able to get a lot of things I wanted and managed to figure out what I was going to cook during this quarantine. I even got prepared to pay my rent for the next month, thinking I was going to sit this thing out in NYC.

Then my sister called me on March 21st, begging me to get out of NYC and come to NC. I was resistant to this idea since I'm not at my best in NC + I have a bad history with my hometown but my family made valid arguments and things weighed in favor of me going: my mother and BIL both had/still have essential jobs (my mom has 2, in fact), the courts were closed by that point so I had nothing requiring me to stay in NYC, my mom said "we'll feed you" so I didn't have to worry about food or the food costs like I would in NYC, I could go to my youngest niece's first birthday party and see 3 other kids who usually only get to see me at Christmas and Thanksgiving and were excited for me to show up and they have air conditioning, internet, large kitty cats I could cuddle with and I wouldn't be scaring my mother by staying in a room in NYC. Plus, my sister was dealing with having to homeschool 2 kids and watch a baby. I felt like I would be more useful in NC than I would be in NYC. NC also wasn't the virus epicenter and I didn't want my mother to get a stroke or have a heart attack from having to worry about me. Social life also wasn't happening for me in either place and, as I continue to remind myself, NYC isn't NYC right now. I still talk to people who are up there who've told me I don't need to rush back or that I don't want to be there right now or that it's a good thing I got out. I also felt that being in a state that respects 2nd Amendment rights and having access to firearms would also be better than staying in NYC, the land of leftist loons who think crime will be solved with hugs and cookies. Most of the rich people even fled NYC and I heard it said that everybody who had the option to leave NYC left.

To me, choosing to go to NC was very different from the situation in 2014 since this isn't me being a failure but opting to help family & engaging in basic common sense. So I boarded a nearly empty Amtrak train on March 22nd before shelter in place took effect. I did some videos of that experience. Penn Station was a ghost town. I also opted to take a Lyft to the station, wore a mask and got in the back. By the grace of God, I made it to NC, isolated as best I could for 2 weeks and never got sick. So far, all I've had in all this is allergies.

NC is not a mask wearing culture and I have a sister who can't wear them, not even for 30 minutes. I also have noticed mask fatigue setting in around here. One friend recently told me that's also happening in Manhattan. A plus is that NC is in Phase 2 while NYC just got to Phase 1 and is apparently starting Phase 2 soon but I don't know when I'm actually going to need to be back in NYC. Protests around here have also been peaceful instead of looting and violence fests like in NYC and elsewhere.

FYI, I don't do the performative bullcrap and pap gestures that are in vogue at the moment. I've noticed "Black Lives Matter" never includes the lives of black conservatives or black law enforcement officers or black people who aren't seeking special rights or black people who don't cheerlead things like community destruction and violence (say black business owners who've had their businesses destroyed or black employees who've now been forced to apply for unemployment in the face of months of backlog to get money). I also think the people jumping on this bandwagon are full of it since they should have been doing things decades beforehand and we know damn well they'll never actually DO anything. If my former business partner becomes a household name in Hollywood, then I'll take Hollywood seriously when they claim to be giving opportunities to minorities. I also thought to myself when this first started it was a communist takeover attempt and now they seem to be going full fascist. Some predict that after the elections, this will be a mere memory. I say if you think Biden is the truth and the way, you've not been paying attention since Minneapolis is ruled by DEMOCRATS as are many of the major cities. The reality of their lack of care for minorities is staggering and obvious to anybody with functioning brain cells (that leadership is the one who failed George Floyd with letting that cop stay on the force despite numerous complaints against him). Look at rich white liberals trying to push for reverse racism and lecturing about "privilege" to poor people and those who've actually got minority friends and contacts while they pander to black people and think them incapable of advocating for themselves.

As a rule, I have to block anybody who uses the term "white privilege" since that evidences not only complete disrespect to me as a natural redhead (a group STILL being trashed in today's society with no ACLU to advocate for it; do you think "redheaded stepchild" is a compliment????) but disrespect of my lived childhood and experiences which most certainly don't qualify as having "privilege." People who grew up around my neighborhood ended up getting criminal records, became drug users and made all kinds of "bad" choices (most if not all of them were white; the black people I knew from school grew up to be functional members of society and parents taking proper care of their kids -- some even ended up in roles of responsibility including a classmate who's a city councilman in my hometown). Years ago, I learned from my own experience (and had it confirmed in a sociology class) that it's really rich vs. poor. Plus, you're an idiot if you think lectures or threats motivate people to change their hearts or minds. Only real life experiences people have with one another do that. You also can't force people to talk to those outside their bubble or be friends with people they don't want to be friends with. It also doesn't help if the only things people have heard about a group are negative and then a real live member of that group proceeds to live up to all the worst stereotypes about that group. My family's been having those contacts and friends forever (and most of ours were positive so we can separate crappy people from an entire race/ethnic group) so I'll thank some rich white liberal not to lecture me on things they know zero about. That's just as bad as non-lawyers trying to tell me how to practice law.

Everybody's been equal in trying to get PPP loans or unemployment benefits. I had to wait around for that for quite sometime myself in NY (one tip: contact your local reps if you hadn't; my state senator's office was very good in that regard and I made a new contact in a very nice woman who seemed quite dedicated to making sure I'd get my money -- she called me back from home so I can't speak highly enough of my local senator's office). One lawyer I work with said he'd not been able to get PPP funding in the first round since the money was gone so quickly so I'm hoping he got into the second round.

A few other things have been going on: I had to buy summer clothes since I had none with me (why would I when it was 35 degrees when I left NYC & I packed to "stay home" not to go out and impress anyone?). I got a broadcast hosting gig on an online app called Bigo (go check it out), started my own podcast which is for now the same title as this blog (4 episodes so far & plans for at least 1 more). I also got in contact with a legal recruiter and a career coach who are trying to help me get a job in an entertainment company without me having to lie about being a BigLaw devotee or a T1 law graduate. I also happen to refuse to be some leftist toadie when I've actually had the conversations and done things these Judy Come Latelys haven't bothered with and without having to make a conscious effort like they have to (I guess it's the reality of being part of a minority with no tribe to hang out with since you definitely weren't "one of us" with white people if you grew up with red hair in my hometown in the era when Ariel first came out; gee, I'm the only person who looks like me in the room almost all the time even in NYC -- let's also look at how redheads are still stigmatized and treated in many corners in modern times). To me, things aren't worth it when you have to pretend to hold stances you don't or cater to someone else's echo chamber as I never require friends or contacts to agree with me on every single topic known to man (I just insist on factual argument and no personal attacks or expecting me to do YOUR damn homework). I fought that battle when I first joined the legal profession and so many people told me to just be me instead of some frumpy lawyer stereotype. This is no different in my mind.

I just wonder how many people will step up for decency and not equating minority status with God status. If we're doing that, well I'm more qualified for God status than most people since real redheads are a 1-2% global minority. Nobody's going to deny a marriage to 2 black people or 2 Asian people because the staff thinks you're marrying your sibling and assumes you're committing incest. If I walked in with a guy whose hair was bright like mine, I'd absolutely get that hassle since everybody assumes natural redheads are related to each other. We had a neighbor growing up who was also a redhead and people thought he was our little brother. If I don't think I've got God status for being a natural redhead, then nobody else gets to claim that status.

Equality isn't about special rights or freedom from being wrong or freedom from criticism. Equality is about an equal playing field and equal access, not handouts as of right. I say if you want reparations, make George Soros pay them. That way, everybody wins. He's got more than enough, he'd no longer get to fund dissention if he paid them and it's the least he + his ilk could do. We need more Nipsey Hustles in the world (look up what he did for his community before being killed) and prosecution for false 911 calls for black people doing normal stuff like having cookouts or walking down the street not politicians taking knees instead of actually DOING their jobs to help ALL people in their districts (notice it's Democrats who've been peddling handouts for eons instead of self-sufficiency or enough for people to save up and improve themselves in this game we call life).

Yeah, I have lots of reasons I can't relate to SJW lefist snowflakes and don't respect them at all. This blog and I am not for those types. Before all this, I was thinking an exodus from NYC would be in my future. If I don't get a full time job there or work requiring me to be there it just might happen; I've got a 5 year plan. I'm not even sure NYC will be NYC again in the near future and I came to NYC for the old school, ambitious, working your way forward, people of all types coming together in common goals NYC not the whiny snowflake NYC that looks like Mad Max + cares more about statues than improving subway service or encouraging businesses to set up shop and hire locals. I'm glad I get to talk to my sweetie on occasion, that my gay bestie and another gay friend have gotten a federal court win in the change in discrimination laws and both friends and 3 guys have been awaiting my return to NYC (which I'm still not exactly sure when that will be; I'm just making the best of my situation in the meantime and declaring it an extended vacation away from sweaty subway platforms).

One goal I have before I leave is passing Zelda II on NES. I just got to the 4th castle (of 6) and know how to beat the enemy but it's a matter of proper execution. It's definitely not as good a game as the first Zelda but I've figured out tactics. I also reluctantly got some Apple AirPods (they were on sale) but they are useful while I'm down here dealing with family and trying to watch broadcasts on Bigo or play SongPop 2 while my phone is charging. I just tested them out with my iPod and they have a heck of a range with where your item they're connected to is vs. where you go. I was feeling blue earlier but this needed and long overdue post has done me some good. Trying not to feel like I'm horribly lazy when I don't get all the tasks done I set out to do in a day or sleep much later than I normally would if I were working. I wanted a break when I was working so it's like "here you go; now what are you going to do?" I'm also trying to prioritize family time and not being lost in devices.

My final words: stop reading mainstream media and get the heck off Facebook. Focus on your real life connections and family. Look at the advantages you've got in this time and use them.