Who knew? As I promised myself yesterday, today's topic for thought is porno. That's because my husband did an April Fool's prank film review of the Paris Hilton sex tape & I was forced to sit through that w/him. Go check it out; there's links for it all over Facebook & at the film company's blog.
I'm still really pissed off about the thing I wrote about yesterday but for now, I'm pressing forward on this.
Anyhow, my views on it aren't all black & white. One thing I can say about myself is that I'm not a person who fits into a neat little box. I'm not some stereotype & I don't walk in lockstep w/the other liberals, attorneys or whatever group you'd stick me in based on what I do, believe or practice.
So, here goes. I happen to agree with the idea that sex is a part of life. My own mother, a very religious person, has famously said to me "Of course sex feels good. Nobody would do it if it didn't." She says a lot of great, witty things. My husband says she's the reason I'm insane (well, I prefer "quirky" since I don't think I've hit "lock her up in an institution" insane just yet).
I grew up in that "sex is sinful" atmosphere but by college, I'd basically felt it was time to stop worrying about anyone else's views on what I did & think about how I felt. I also wanted to have experiences that I couldn't in my hometown; there's a freedom in going to college elsewhere & not being shackled in your childhood image. You get to reinvent yourself. College professors at my school encouraged students to get laid; one of them was known for sleeping w/students but since I consider school like a job, you'd have never seen ME doing that no matter how hot or kind any professor might have been.
So I got to be the hot chick that I never was in high school. I got to have guys show an interest in dating me; that was new, let me tell you.
However, I wasn't really a slut. I couldn't flirt if my life depended on it, even now. An ex once told me that I try flirting but I fail horribly at it. I said this to my husband & he agreed w/the ex. I think flirting is BS; it's not in my nature since I'm far too sincere & I think it's a form of lying. I was getting male attention without trying that hard; actually, I still do.
So how does this relate to my attitudes about porn?
Well, I was never the kind of wife or girlfriend who'd demand a guy to get rid of his porno mags. I'd never tell my husband to do that, even though he'd only watch or read it w/me unless he was in a group of friends. He appreciates what he's got.
I don't get women who do that; it's not like the guy's off sleeping w/someone else. The actress or model he's looking at isn't going to seduce him in person. She's probably got her own boyfriend (maybe girlfriend) & her own problems.
It's like getting jealous of some celebrity in a film. Do you really think Angelina Jolie is going to pick YOUR boyfriend or husband to have a serious relationship with? If you do, you're an idiot & need to get some smart pills.
At least the guy's looking at WOMEN; he could be looking at naked guys, you know?
So unless sexual stuff involves children, animals, non-human beings or people who didn't consent, you're not going to hear protests about it from me. I feel a similar way about prostitution. If you're adults & there's no pimp, it's not my business. When you involve children or non-consenting parties, that's another story.
I'd also not want my nephew watching porn. There's a time & place for everything, including porn. Don't expose it to kids. Don't bring it to the workplace or tell me about your sex life---I don't care & don't want to hear it. If you're going to have sex toys/porn/etc., keep that stuff under lock & key.
The first time I ever saw porn was w/a group of sorority sisters. I don't know about anyone else but a group of straight women watching your basic straight porn was an exercise in humor & critique. We're sitting there critiquing it, commenting on the girl's underwear & laughing at the absurdity of it while one of the girls who lived in that room was speaking to her very religious parents who were visiting Atlanta that weekend.
Honestly, I'm the person who will look for details & critique stuff if you want me to sit & watch a porn film.
I did see one w/a guy friend once b/c I'd had a horrible day (this guy who'd taken me out on Valentine's Day that year decided he didn't want to date me--his weirdness is for another post). I decided watching a cheesy porno might cheer me up since I'd also made the mistake of watching "Leaving Las Vegas" earlier in the day (the 2nd most depressing film of all time, next to "Midnight Cowboy" which I didn't see until years later).
NEVER watch porn w/a straight guy friend, especially a straight guy friend who wants to sleep w/you even a little bit. I learned that lesson; no, I didn't sleep w/him but he asked about it enough to annoy me. I don't think straight guys can watch them w/that critical eye, at least if it's not featuring a celebrity they can't stand.
My honey made me watch that Paris Hilton sex tape w/him. A few observations:
A) Paris Hilton's voice is annoying. I wanted to kill her after hearing her speak about twice in this thing.
B) I noticed the boyfriend didn't really look at her much. Maybe he was picturing someone else. If he'd been smart, he would have.
C) I learned more about her personal preferences than I cared to. Hubby also made the observation that people who don't like giving as much as receiving are the most selfish people on Earth. That's a life lesson. Take note, single folks.
D) She didn't seem all that into it at times. You just wanted housekeeping to bust in or something. It'd have been much funnier.
E) Finally, turn off your cell phone before you have sex. That ringing just messes things up. At least turn off the ringer lest some loved one gets rushed to the ER or drops dead & someone has to tell you about it.
I think I know what I'll use to torture guys who've done something awful to us...
Okay, as for porn actors & prostitutes: I can understand people doing it for the money since we all have to eat & not everyone's got a trust fund, but I don't entirely get the people who aren't doing it for survival. Personally, I'd only do it if I absolutely had to in order to survive but it's not my place to judge & this coming from the woman whose film company did a movie portraying a web cam girl as a human being.
I despise churchies* who preach against people doing it but offer no viable alternatives. They'll whine & moan about a relative or someone doing this but then won't help that relative find a decent paying job (saying "work at McDonalds" is NOT a solution; you're still being degraded but being paid less $), give them food or do anything other than sit in judgment like they are God.
The true Christians are the ones who may express disapproval but will at least make an effort to HELP the person instead of preaching fire & brimstone w/no solutions. I have less sympathy for those not doing it to feed their kids, pay school loans or pay basic expenses like food/rent/clothing/etc.
When you get down to it, I think most of us are human beings. If you can live with yourself, then you don't need to worry about what anyone else thinks. See this is one of those reasons I don't fit in a neat little box.
* my word, so credit me if you use it