The drama that is my life continues. My husband told me outright to go to a therapist & after more things happened (let's just say the chickens have come home to roost on something millions of Americans face but wouldn't really want to admit to), it felt like even the most anti-therapy person out there would hear of my experiences & tell me I ought to see a therapist. Let's face it: once you've had your entire life shift so dramatically in such a short time, you either see a therapist or go on a shooting spree. I'm too enraged as a person to commit suicide without taking some deadbeats down with me for the good of society. My last noble act, if you will.
Also, meet my friend Lindsay Lowe. She told me she admired me for going through the things I have but I feel like she's far more worthy of admiration than me. She's an awesome, talented & creative person who simply deserves recognition for her awesomeness. See her site if you want to know more about her.
Noticed a few stories in various places it's definitely time to comment on. Here goes.
This is a verdict that makes me happy. Maybe part of it is the constant rebellion I had against the Mr. Bones of the world. You know that school administrator: the one who acted irrationally & seemed better suited for running the Taliban than being responsible for the care of school children. A classic authoritarian through & through.
I hated authoritarian types back to my high school years. See earlier entries if you want to read about some of those antics. Defending someone's right to wear a bracelet like that would be right up my alley for multiple reasons.
This was also an eternal question I had myself. My mother even asked this when we were in school. I remember her thinking it was a stupid concept as far back as middle school. She may have even remarked on the non-punishment aspect of it when we were in elementary school. From this answer, it sounds like good old fashioned laziness is to blame.
I fully agree with this sentiment. I'm not just saying that because I can find my size at Victoria's Secret in both clothing & bras (you try doing that when you're naturally underweight, have a little height & vanity sizing is favoring the fat girls among us). I wish they'd sell more of their clothing in the stores since they have some nice dresses, shirts, leggings & the like (the shipping costs bother me on a deep level & I'm not wild about the regular prices but the sales are good). I also can't stand the whole puritanical sentiment that permeates through the comments of the detractors. Perhaps modeling has just made me even more rebellious against that whole puritanical culture since I had to deal with it so much as a child.
For now, I've resumed communication with my mother but I'm done with my sister. My sister even dared to tell me how I feel like she resides in my brain & knows my thought processes then tried to pull the "I won't let you have a relationship with my kids b/c I don't agree with your life philosophies" card. I wonder how I'd be treated if I were a web cam model or posing in Playboy or doing adult films. I figure I'd be all alone in life if I were doing that, even if I had to do that stuff to keep from being homeless or having everything I worked for go down the toilet. Incredible that some people have treated me like I have been doing such things.
I refuse to play that little game; if I played it, I know I'd eventually end up in a burka figuratively & maybe even literally. My sister claims my nephew was asking about sexual stuff & if he could see things.
Is it just me or should someone say, "Try being a PARENT & explaining that stuff to your kids without making sex a dirty, evil thing." I feel like that's the appropriate response (a discussion on appropriate sexuality), not telling that kid's aunt to dress like a nun when she doesn't even dress like a stripper getting ready to go on stage in modern times. It's also telling my sister got the same message I did growing up about how sex was this bad, shameful thing you should never do unless you're married. You later learn your parents aren't saints & are actually flawed people (some much more flawed than others). If I hadn't gotten out of NC, I'd probably still be screwed up on that point & definitely far less happy than I am today (oh, not just on THAT front; get your mind out of the gutter!).
You know, maybe I've overcome gender bias on cleaning. I don't really give a damn what people think about such things when it comes to my house. I'm not even close to a slob. In fact, I'm probably more of a neat freak than anyone in my childhood family is or was. I have a lot of organized clutter but I can account for most things. My husband once worked as a custodian so he knows a lot more about cleaning than I do. In fact, I think he has higher standards of cleanliness than me when it comes to some things. I'm just not interested in killing myself to make my home so clean you could eat off the floor. I hate doing dishes & I refuse to spend my days cleaning since I've got a life but I won't leave anything that will attract bugs, stinks or makes it impossible for me to clean up later.
Being childfree might also have something to do with it but my basic attitude is if you think my house is a mess, then don't come over. I'd rather not be subjected to the white glove test when someone visits. I also don't tolerate drop ins, implying that if you do you might see things you didn't want to see (and you just might; I've heard stories about parents seeing their kids in the middle of things no one wants to see their kid engage in & the kid not stopping).
I'm still shocked MSN did a story on this. Are you?
Then there's this question. I don't definitely know why lawyers are hated. I haven't really experienced that in my career since people in entertainment generally like & respect lawyers. I can only tell you what I dislike about particular lawyers or the stereotypical groups.
I wonder if these people ever reneged on this. Honestly, I didn't follow the whole "lean in" stuff & really don't view myself as following a formula for doing things in my career (at least not consciously). I adamantly refuse to read the book or give this woman press. I also agree with people's comments that Slate is just as hypocritical as anyone else. Considering the whole stepped up enforcement on unpaid internships, I hope anyone doing it who could actually afford to pay folks & doesn't gets slammed for it. They just make all organizations look crappy & classist by continuing that system. I know I view them as being classist.
At least there are upsides and good things going on in my life, especially on the business end. Let's just say I've gotten 100% definitive signs that there's no good reason for me to throw in the towel on the entertainment career or anything I've worked many years to develop as part of my brand & identity. The day is definitely coming & the people who weren't there will certainly not get any kindness from me. The haters have already gotten their walking papers & the fakes have been replaced.
Just remember that even if you're in your darkest moments, you should never change who you are or be something you're not to please some jerk who could care less if you lived or died or if you were happy or sad. Average employers (the ones who seem to populate the majority of Corporate America), I'm looking at you. There are plenty of employers out there who would take you for who you are & even view that as a plus. Life's also too damn short as I can verify with this shitty summer; why spend your time being miserable?
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Monday, August 6, 2012
Faux Unions, the Straightjacket and Close Calls
So, my life may be facing yet more upheaval. My husband's employer has decided to arbitrarily force the librarians to transfer to other places for no rational reason other than to apparently make them quit, piss off the public (who'll have to deal with angry workers who don't want to be there) and be assholes. They were also given zero notice of this & a little sheep who will now be known as "Little Bitch" had the nerve to try & censor me when I made a general remark about my personal availability for an unrelated event. She had zero authority to do it & I responded as I always have and always will to that kind of shit.
This union, who I'm pretty sure I've mentioned before, is completely useless & may as well not even be there with the submitting they do. Not to mention the management at this place is so grossly incompetent, I wouldn't trust them to care for a cactus or watch a pile of dog crap turn white.
Someone who has worked there for 15 years even got one of these notices. As usual, they're doing it all by seniority & forcing people to work with XYZ person regardless of what a bitch/bastard XYZ is, how many problems XYZ has caused in the past & how incompetent XYZ is. I think people working there could keep their jobs even if they rape a lower ranking co-worker considering they allow racists & incompetents to continue there.
I don't think these idiots are aware of my being a lawyer or the fact that I have quite a few friends who have been absolutely disgusted by the situation. I have encouraged people to go & contact this library director personally and dial direct on his sorry ass. Listen, fucker if you're going to make decisions affecting the general public (which includes ME) you need to be held accountable and action needs to be taken against you. Furthermore, try putting my husband in some ghetto hellhole & see what happens to you.
I know these fuckers don't value the lives of their employees or their kids (they're also changing the shifts to 11-7 p.m. every weekday for most of these branches, regardless of the fact that no daycare center in Queens is open later than 6:30 at night). Being totally brazen against a lawyer like me, however, is a new level of stupid that's just going to lead to death. Little Bitch has already caused problems for herself & is clearly not capable of any real responsibility since she can't actually face anyone directly, slacks off during working hours (as evidenced by her actions on a non-work related social media platform) & is apparently wasting our taxpayer dollars playing Administrative Tattletale/PR Queen/Censorship Police. Oh, and neither Little Bitch nor anyone else at that place has any right to censor the free speech rights of people who don't work there or punish their family/friends for the exercise of those free speech rights. I found this out for certain.
I dare Little Bitch to try shit with me. She can become a casualty as well & I will have zero qualms about it. After all, she rolled out the red carpet for trouble to come charging in. If anyone transfers my husband to some hellhole, they'll also be inviting trouble on themselves & perhaps their families as well. Have no regard for mine & I won't give a damn about yours. Why should I?
In case you're new to reading this blog, let me pass on some free advice. There are certain types of people you don't fuck with. Some examples:
1. Lawyers
2. Natural redheads
3. Anyone who works behind the scenes in the entertainment industry whether a producer, agent, director, executive, anyone who deals with a lot of BS & won't stand for it
4. People who have nothing left to work for or aspire to that will help society
5. People who have been kicked around forever; eventually, those people snap
6. Quiet types
7. Loners
How many murderers and serial killers fit at least one of these categories? How many violent crimes could be explained by one of these categories? When someone fits more of those categories, that means you don't fuck w/the person times a trillion. Add up those trillions for each category the person falls into & that's how much you should be avoiding problems with that person.
I know forcing involuntary servitude on folk will backfire & in a powerful way. Whether I'm in the thick of it or not depends on if I get to have the luxury of having something to aspire to & reasons to care about concepts like law and order.
Clearly, I'm not the sort of person who should ever have a union job. At least not one with this union. Actually, you should call it a faux union since they have a no strike clause. Do you need any more reasons to call it that?
For that matter, any union that has a no strike clause shouldn't even exist. My mother, herself an employee of UPS where the drivers have a union that actually works for THEM, even said that if you have a no strike clause, you have zero protection against management abuses. Imagine where SAG/AFTRA, the Teamsters or any other entertainment union would be if they had no strike clauses in their contracts. Who would join those? My husband didn't voluntarily join his; he was forced in. Nor did he ever vote for this "no strike" shit. Only a moron or someone taking kickbacks would support that. Funny but if I were taking kickbacks or anyone else I knew in the legal field were doing it, we'd be disbarred, suspended or at least publicly censured for it.
So as I left town I had to deal with that bullshit. Not Little Bitch but the whole news aspect; I vowed not to let Galante ruin my trip or send off (he's the prick responsible for this who performed his one humane act for me personally many years ago by passing on my husband's information to the proper person). I was going to see family members I care about. Decided it was better to call it a trip not a vacation. A "vacation" implies that your journey will be relaxing & free of stress. That's definitely not the case when I go to NC.
When I go to NC, I feel like I'm in a straightjacket. Not a literal one but at least a metaphorical one. Though this time, maybe it was closer to literal since my sister & mother were trying to play fashion cop with me. Apparently, their hometown should be renamed to "Frumptown" or "Frumpville." Something with the word "frump" in it.
Being in that town makes me want to listen to Prince constantly as well as any sexually explicit song that's not okay for kids to listen to. Is it my relatives or is it the whole social climate down there? I'm not quite sure.
First off, when it's hot outside I'm not killing myself with layers or wearing a burka. I'm not Muslim or even a practicing Christian. I'm not practicing any religion.
Second, I also have horribly sensitive skin & hate getting sweat zits. They hurt.
Third, I'm an adult well over the age of 21. I have my own money & should be entitled to wear what I damn well please.
Fourth, I have the figure for shorter things, have never been mistaken for a prostitute & even if I want to dress like one, is it not my choice? Do I not get a right to be sexy once in a while? I won't have a figure forever so why shouldn't I get to enjoy it while I have it?
Fifth, I'm childfree. Here's another perk of being childfree: you don't have to dress like an old person when you aren't one & don't even look like one.
Finally, I live in New York Fucking City! Nothing I own is nearly as bad as countless things I've seen people wear. Even going naked or topless might not shock many New Yorkers though I wouldn't do full nudity. I've considered going topless on excruciating days (since it's not illegal to do it in NYC unless you're advertising) but I hate getting sunburn & know I would in a second if I did do that. Not to mention all the hassle I get anyway.
With it being in the 90s, I was wearing some new short shorts I got last year & a top I wore before my sister's wedding in a different color. This prompted a bunch of hand wringing, utter sexism and being told I should dress all boring because of my 8 year old nephew. I think them initiating this conversation in front of him was probably worse than anything I could have worn. Not to mention that my nephew will likely learn more bad things from his own parents & television than he'll ever get from being around me, a relative he rarely sees. I even pointed this out to my mother, who did give me that point.
I asked if my sister plays fashion police with everyone who comes to her house & everyone who appears in public around her kids. Can you imagine walking up to strangers & telling them their top shows too much cleavage for your precious little babies? How about actually being a decent parent? My mom was like "Oh, no one dresses like that." I said that the majority of my sister's friends are parents; I'm childfree & that's one of the perks.
My sister even had the nerve to say she couldn't believe my husband "lets [me] go out like that." Pissed me off. I pointed out that my husband doesn't "let" me do anything since I'm an adult & we treat each other as such. Plus, I've gotten hit on & harassed while wearing pajamas, grubbies and my working clothes at Godiva. No cleavage or excessive leg showing necessary. Therefore, no sense in demanding me to dress like a frump. I'll get hit on anyway. My husband also knows this & accepts that reality just as I do. If that's the case, why not let me dress to my comfort & taste?
Plus, I was supposed to be relaxing and on a pleasure trip not going to work or a business function. Why should I have to wear anything different in my "off" time? I'm also at the point in my life where I insist on being myself around people who claim to care about me, including relatives considering I'm an adult & feel it's artificial of me to be something I'm not. How can you have a real connection with someone if you can't even be yourself around them? I feel you can't. What's the point in preserving such a relationship?
My mom said that apparently I scare the country boys in her area since they're not used to women dressing like me.
If we could apply that to my hometown, maybe that explains why I couldn't buy a date there while I had to practically get a stick to beat guys off from college onward. I also said when my family visits me, I should demand that they dress like they're in NYC if they're going to insist that I dress like someone in their area. Adapt to MY culture, damn it! I'd at least get a laugh from it. At least they will take public transit & aren't assholes to gay people. Nor do they go lecture strangers but apparently, they find it okay to lecture to me.
I'm still hardcore childfree, by the way. Oh, yes!! I love my niece & nephews (especially the eldest since I can talk to him and he actually cared about my presence) but no way could I do what my sister's doing. I've not got the patience for little kids and both my mother & sister seemed to get all offended because I yelled at my over 2 year old nephew for screaming at random. First off, I don't hang around small kids on a regular basis. Second, I do have eardrums & if you're screaming a short distance from them human nature is to react. Third, being around small kids is emotionally exhausting for me & if I had to parent them it would be worse. Not something that interests me (never an interest of mine, in fact) & I feel that's a task for people who actually want to do it, not someone who'd resent it like I would.
Oh, and you may like this if you're childfree.
If you want to kill someone's libido though, small kids work pretty well. Maybe that's another reason I'm not interested; I'm not about to give up my sex life. Remember, my marriage isn't typical & I'm rebellious by nature. Sex was a huge forbidden zone topic in my upbringing; compared to the women in my immediate family, I may as well be a former prostitute even though my experience is closer to that of the average person.
Speaking of people who might as well be prostitutes, seems it's a good thing I got rid of last year's black hole. The attempted wedding wrecker apparently learned nothing & is still doing the same shit. Only now she's pregnant, this guy is unemployed & somehow, women are dropping their panties for him like he's Hugh Heffner instead of an unemployed illegal with a baby mama.
Tell me something: if you're going to debase yourself for some guy, why would you ever do it for an unemployed guy with zero ambition? I think debasing yourself for anyone is a shitty idea but if you're going to do it, why would you not at least pick a guy with money, fame or something scarce? Some people seriously need to expand their social circles & raise their standards a little; you can find good sex & you can certainly find a guy with enough, if you get my meaning. I do know of some single male attorneys; I'm sure some of them will happily treat you like shit & at least not be around enough to get on your nerves. Perhaps they'd even pay for dates & might buy you presents; not all of them are unemployed or making poverty wages after paying student loan debts. It just occurs to me that I bet this guy doesn't even pay for dates with my former friend.
Shallow things to concern yourself with but it just piles onto the whole "Why debase yourself for someone?" issue. Felt like I had a close call there but I can't be friends with someone who changes into a person I not only don't recognize but can't even respect.
Getting to NC was also a close call experience. My train was about 3 hours late (I won't fly b/c they also have delays & I won't subject myself to a strip search/grope fest/invasive bullshit that violates basic civil liberties & brands me as a criminal with no proof to get on a plane). One of those delays was due to some trees that fell on the tracks. We were literally 7 minutes away from the station I had to get off at & we had to wait for what felt like ages. It's worse when your cell phone has died, you left your charger at home & you don't have internet access to send e-mail. At least I was in business class (if you can afford it, I highly recommend it to save yourself time & heartaches) so they did give us updates.
Apparently, if we'd been there 20 minutes earlier one of these trees could have fallen on our heads. After hearing that, I thought "This has to be a sign that things will work out in my life. Otherwise, God, what was the point of sparing my life today if it's all going to fall apart in two weeks?" If God sees everything, then God knows how you're going to react to things already.
More points on religion that I never got: no one ever believes a gay relationship/marriage or an abortion were part of God's plans for anyone. Either God is the ultimate mastermind & everything you do is part of the plan (including all this "sinful" stuff) or God's an observer who casts people off to Hell for violating things that don't make sense and were probably distorted by sexist white guys who had some power in biblical times. Make up your mind; I don't have a stake here. This is part of my late night contemplating. Whether things actually work out remain to be seen. You'll either get to see the rise or the fall.
This union, who I'm pretty sure I've mentioned before, is completely useless & may as well not even be there with the submitting they do. Not to mention the management at this place is so grossly incompetent, I wouldn't trust them to care for a cactus or watch a pile of dog crap turn white.
Someone who has worked there for 15 years even got one of these notices. As usual, they're doing it all by seniority & forcing people to work with XYZ person regardless of what a bitch/bastard XYZ is, how many problems XYZ has caused in the past & how incompetent XYZ is. I think people working there could keep their jobs even if they rape a lower ranking co-worker considering they allow racists & incompetents to continue there.
I don't think these idiots are aware of my being a lawyer or the fact that I have quite a few friends who have been absolutely disgusted by the situation. I have encouraged people to go & contact this library director personally and dial direct on his sorry ass. Listen, fucker if you're going to make decisions affecting the general public (which includes ME) you need to be held accountable and action needs to be taken against you. Furthermore, try putting my husband in some ghetto hellhole & see what happens to you.
I know these fuckers don't value the lives of their employees or their kids (they're also changing the shifts to 11-7 p.m. every weekday for most of these branches, regardless of the fact that no daycare center in Queens is open later than 6:30 at night). Being totally brazen against a lawyer like me, however, is a new level of stupid that's just going to lead to death. Little Bitch has already caused problems for herself & is clearly not capable of any real responsibility since she can't actually face anyone directly, slacks off during working hours (as evidenced by her actions on a non-work related social media platform) & is apparently wasting our taxpayer dollars playing Administrative Tattletale/PR Queen/Censorship Police. Oh, and neither Little Bitch nor anyone else at that place has any right to censor the free speech rights of people who don't work there or punish their family/friends for the exercise of those free speech rights. I found this out for certain.
I dare Little Bitch to try shit with me. She can become a casualty as well & I will have zero qualms about it. After all, she rolled out the red carpet for trouble to come charging in. If anyone transfers my husband to some hellhole, they'll also be inviting trouble on themselves & perhaps their families as well. Have no regard for mine & I won't give a damn about yours. Why should I?
In case you're new to reading this blog, let me pass on some free advice. There are certain types of people you don't fuck with. Some examples:
1. Lawyers
2. Natural redheads
3. Anyone who works behind the scenes in the entertainment industry whether a producer, agent, director, executive, anyone who deals with a lot of BS & won't stand for it
4. People who have nothing left to work for or aspire to that will help society
5. People who have been kicked around forever; eventually, those people snap
6. Quiet types
7. Loners
How many murderers and serial killers fit at least one of these categories? How many violent crimes could be explained by one of these categories? When someone fits more of those categories, that means you don't fuck w/the person times a trillion. Add up those trillions for each category the person falls into & that's how much you should be avoiding problems with that person.
I know forcing involuntary servitude on folk will backfire & in a powerful way. Whether I'm in the thick of it or not depends on if I get to have the luxury of having something to aspire to & reasons to care about concepts like law and order.
Clearly, I'm not the sort of person who should ever have a union job. At least not one with this union. Actually, you should call it a faux union since they have a no strike clause. Do you need any more reasons to call it that?
For that matter, any union that has a no strike clause shouldn't even exist. My mother, herself an employee of UPS where the drivers have a union that actually works for THEM, even said that if you have a no strike clause, you have zero protection against management abuses. Imagine where SAG/AFTRA, the Teamsters or any other entertainment union would be if they had no strike clauses in their contracts. Who would join those? My husband didn't voluntarily join his; he was forced in. Nor did he ever vote for this "no strike" shit. Only a moron or someone taking kickbacks would support that. Funny but if I were taking kickbacks or anyone else I knew in the legal field were doing it, we'd be disbarred, suspended or at least publicly censured for it.
So as I left town I had to deal with that bullshit. Not Little Bitch but the whole news aspect; I vowed not to let Galante ruin my trip or send off (he's the prick responsible for this who performed his one humane act for me personally many years ago by passing on my husband's information to the proper person). I was going to see family members I care about. Decided it was better to call it a trip not a vacation. A "vacation" implies that your journey will be relaxing & free of stress. That's definitely not the case when I go to NC.
When I go to NC, I feel like I'm in a straightjacket. Not a literal one but at least a metaphorical one. Though this time, maybe it was closer to literal since my sister & mother were trying to play fashion cop with me. Apparently, their hometown should be renamed to "Frumptown" or "Frumpville." Something with the word "frump" in it.
Being in that town makes me want to listen to Prince constantly as well as any sexually explicit song that's not okay for kids to listen to. Is it my relatives or is it the whole social climate down there? I'm not quite sure.
First off, when it's hot outside I'm not killing myself with layers or wearing a burka. I'm not Muslim or even a practicing Christian. I'm not practicing any religion.
Second, I also have horribly sensitive skin & hate getting sweat zits. They hurt.
Third, I'm an adult well over the age of 21. I have my own money & should be entitled to wear what I damn well please.
Fourth, I have the figure for shorter things, have never been mistaken for a prostitute & even if I want to dress like one, is it not my choice? Do I not get a right to be sexy once in a while? I won't have a figure forever so why shouldn't I get to enjoy it while I have it?
Fifth, I'm childfree. Here's another perk of being childfree: you don't have to dress like an old person when you aren't one & don't even look like one.
Finally, I live in New York Fucking City! Nothing I own is nearly as bad as countless things I've seen people wear. Even going naked or topless might not shock many New Yorkers though I wouldn't do full nudity. I've considered going topless on excruciating days (since it's not illegal to do it in NYC unless you're advertising) but I hate getting sunburn & know I would in a second if I did do that. Not to mention all the hassle I get anyway.
With it being in the 90s, I was wearing some new short shorts I got last year & a top I wore before my sister's wedding in a different color. This prompted a bunch of hand wringing, utter sexism and being told I should dress all boring because of my 8 year old nephew. I think them initiating this conversation in front of him was probably worse than anything I could have worn. Not to mention that my nephew will likely learn more bad things from his own parents & television than he'll ever get from being around me, a relative he rarely sees. I even pointed this out to my mother, who did give me that point.
I asked if my sister plays fashion police with everyone who comes to her house & everyone who appears in public around her kids. Can you imagine walking up to strangers & telling them their top shows too much cleavage for your precious little babies? How about actually being a decent parent? My mom was like "Oh, no one dresses like that." I said that the majority of my sister's friends are parents; I'm childfree & that's one of the perks.
My sister even had the nerve to say she couldn't believe my husband "lets [me] go out like that." Pissed me off. I pointed out that my husband doesn't "let" me do anything since I'm an adult & we treat each other as such. Plus, I've gotten hit on & harassed while wearing pajamas, grubbies and my working clothes at Godiva. No cleavage or excessive leg showing necessary. Therefore, no sense in demanding me to dress like a frump. I'll get hit on anyway. My husband also knows this & accepts that reality just as I do. If that's the case, why not let me dress to my comfort & taste?
Plus, I was supposed to be relaxing and on a pleasure trip not going to work or a business function. Why should I have to wear anything different in my "off" time? I'm also at the point in my life where I insist on being myself around people who claim to care about me, including relatives considering I'm an adult & feel it's artificial of me to be something I'm not. How can you have a real connection with someone if you can't even be yourself around them? I feel you can't. What's the point in preserving such a relationship?
My mom said that apparently I scare the country boys in her area since they're not used to women dressing like me.
If we could apply that to my hometown, maybe that explains why I couldn't buy a date there while I had to practically get a stick to beat guys off from college onward. I also said when my family visits me, I should demand that they dress like they're in NYC if they're going to insist that I dress like someone in their area. Adapt to MY culture, damn it! I'd at least get a laugh from it. At least they will take public transit & aren't assholes to gay people. Nor do they go lecture strangers but apparently, they find it okay to lecture to me.
I'm still hardcore childfree, by the way. Oh, yes!! I love my niece & nephews (especially the eldest since I can talk to him and he actually cared about my presence) but no way could I do what my sister's doing. I've not got the patience for little kids and both my mother & sister seemed to get all offended because I yelled at my over 2 year old nephew for screaming at random. First off, I don't hang around small kids on a regular basis. Second, I do have eardrums & if you're screaming a short distance from them human nature is to react. Third, being around small kids is emotionally exhausting for me & if I had to parent them it would be worse. Not something that interests me (never an interest of mine, in fact) & I feel that's a task for people who actually want to do it, not someone who'd resent it like I would.
Oh, and you may like this if you're childfree.
If you want to kill someone's libido though, small kids work pretty well. Maybe that's another reason I'm not interested; I'm not about to give up my sex life. Remember, my marriage isn't typical & I'm rebellious by nature. Sex was a huge forbidden zone topic in my upbringing; compared to the women in my immediate family, I may as well be a former prostitute even though my experience is closer to that of the average person.
Speaking of people who might as well be prostitutes, seems it's a good thing I got rid of last year's black hole. The attempted wedding wrecker apparently learned nothing & is still doing the same shit. Only now she's pregnant, this guy is unemployed & somehow, women are dropping their panties for him like he's Hugh Heffner instead of an unemployed illegal with a baby mama.
Tell me something: if you're going to debase yourself for some guy, why would you ever do it for an unemployed guy with zero ambition? I think debasing yourself for anyone is a shitty idea but if you're going to do it, why would you not at least pick a guy with money, fame or something scarce? Some people seriously need to expand their social circles & raise their standards a little; you can find good sex & you can certainly find a guy with enough, if you get my meaning. I do know of some single male attorneys; I'm sure some of them will happily treat you like shit & at least not be around enough to get on your nerves. Perhaps they'd even pay for dates & might buy you presents; not all of them are unemployed or making poverty wages after paying student loan debts. It just occurs to me that I bet this guy doesn't even pay for dates with my former friend.
Shallow things to concern yourself with but it just piles onto the whole "Why debase yourself for someone?" issue. Felt like I had a close call there but I can't be friends with someone who changes into a person I not only don't recognize but can't even respect.
Getting to NC was also a close call experience. My train was about 3 hours late (I won't fly b/c they also have delays & I won't subject myself to a strip search/grope fest/invasive bullshit that violates basic civil liberties & brands me as a criminal with no proof to get on a plane). One of those delays was due to some trees that fell on the tracks. We were literally 7 minutes away from the station I had to get off at & we had to wait for what felt like ages. It's worse when your cell phone has died, you left your charger at home & you don't have internet access to send e-mail. At least I was in business class (if you can afford it, I highly recommend it to save yourself time & heartaches) so they did give us updates.
Apparently, if we'd been there 20 minutes earlier one of these trees could have fallen on our heads. After hearing that, I thought "This has to be a sign that things will work out in my life. Otherwise, God, what was the point of sparing my life today if it's all going to fall apart in two weeks?" If God sees everything, then God knows how you're going to react to things already.
More points on religion that I never got: no one ever believes a gay relationship/marriage or an abortion were part of God's plans for anyone. Either God is the ultimate mastermind & everything you do is part of the plan (including all this "sinful" stuff) or God's an observer who casts people off to Hell for violating things that don't make sense and were probably distorted by sexist white guys who had some power in biblical times. Make up your mind; I don't have a stake here. This is part of my late night contemplating. Whether things actually work out remain to be seen. You'll either get to see the rise or the fall.
Friday, April 2, 2010
Wow, The 50th Post!! Probably Not Kid-Friendly
Who knew? As I promised myself yesterday, today's topic for thought is porno. That's because my husband did an April Fool's prank film review of the Paris Hilton sex tape & I was forced to sit through that w/him. Go check it out; there's links for it all over Facebook & at the film company's blog.
I'm still really pissed off about the thing I wrote about yesterday but for now, I'm pressing forward on this.
Anyhow, my views on it aren't all black & white. One thing I can say about myself is that I'm not a person who fits into a neat little box. I'm not some stereotype & I don't walk in lockstep w/the other liberals, attorneys or whatever group you'd stick me in based on what I do, believe or practice.
So, here goes. I happen to agree with the idea that sex is a part of life. My own mother, a very religious person, has famously said to me "Of course sex feels good. Nobody would do it if it didn't." She says a lot of great, witty things. My husband says she's the reason I'm insane (well, I prefer "quirky" since I don't think I've hit "lock her up in an institution" insane just yet).
I grew up in that "sex is sinful" atmosphere but by college, I'd basically felt it was time to stop worrying about anyone else's views on what I did & think about how I felt. I also wanted to have experiences that I couldn't in my hometown; there's a freedom in going to college elsewhere & not being shackled in your childhood image. You get to reinvent yourself. College professors at my school encouraged students to get laid; one of them was known for sleeping w/students but since I consider school like a job, you'd have never seen ME doing that no matter how hot or kind any professor might have been.
So I got to be the hot chick that I never was in high school. I got to have guys show an interest in dating me; that was new, let me tell you.
However, I wasn't really a slut. I couldn't flirt if my life depended on it, even now. An ex once told me that I try flirting but I fail horribly at it. I said this to my husband & he agreed w/the ex. I think flirting is BS; it's not in my nature since I'm far too sincere & I think it's a form of lying. I was getting male attention without trying that hard; actually, I still do.
So how does this relate to my attitudes about porn?
Well, I was never the kind of wife or girlfriend who'd demand a guy to get rid of his porno mags. I'd never tell my husband to do that, even though he'd only watch or read it w/me unless he was in a group of friends. He appreciates what he's got.
I don't get women who do that; it's not like the guy's off sleeping w/someone else. The actress or model he's looking at isn't going to seduce him in person. She's probably got her own boyfriend (maybe girlfriend) & her own problems.
It's like getting jealous of some celebrity in a film. Do you really think Angelina Jolie is going to pick YOUR boyfriend or husband to have a serious relationship with? If you do, you're an idiot & need to get some smart pills.
At least the guy's looking at WOMEN; he could be looking at naked guys, you know?
So unless sexual stuff involves children, animals, non-human beings or people who didn't consent, you're not going to hear protests about it from me. I feel a similar way about prostitution. If you're adults & there's no pimp, it's not my business. When you involve children or non-consenting parties, that's another story.
I'd also not want my nephew watching porn. There's a time & place for everything, including porn. Don't expose it to kids. Don't bring it to the workplace or tell me about your sex life---I don't care & don't want to hear it. If you're going to have sex toys/porn/etc., keep that stuff under lock & key.
The first time I ever saw porn was w/a group of sorority sisters. I don't know about anyone else but a group of straight women watching your basic straight porn was an exercise in humor & critique. We're sitting there critiquing it, commenting on the girl's underwear & laughing at the absurdity of it while one of the girls who lived in that room was speaking to her very religious parents who were visiting Atlanta that weekend.
Honestly, I'm the person who will look for details & critique stuff if you want me to sit & watch a porn film.
I did see one w/a guy friend once b/c I'd had a horrible day (this guy who'd taken me out on Valentine's Day that year decided he didn't want to date me--his weirdness is for another post). I decided watching a cheesy porno might cheer me up since I'd also made the mistake of watching "Leaving Las Vegas" earlier in the day (the 2nd most depressing film of all time, next to "Midnight Cowboy" which I didn't see until years later).
NEVER watch porn w/a straight guy friend, especially a straight guy friend who wants to sleep w/you even a little bit. I learned that lesson; no, I didn't sleep w/him but he asked about it enough to annoy me. I don't think straight guys can watch them w/that critical eye, at least if it's not featuring a celebrity they can't stand.
My honey made me watch that Paris Hilton sex tape w/him. A few observations:
A) Paris Hilton's voice is annoying. I wanted to kill her after hearing her speak about twice in this thing.
B) I noticed the boyfriend didn't really look at her much. Maybe he was picturing someone else. If he'd been smart, he would have.
C) I learned more about her personal preferences than I cared to. Hubby also made the observation that people who don't like giving as much as receiving are the most selfish people on Earth. That's a life lesson. Take note, single folks.
D) She didn't seem all that into it at times. You just wanted housekeeping to bust in or something. It'd have been much funnier.
E) Finally, turn off your cell phone before you have sex. That ringing just messes things up. At least turn off the ringer lest some loved one gets rushed to the ER or drops dead & someone has to tell you about it.
I think I know what I'll use to torture guys who've done something awful to us...
Okay, as for porn actors & prostitutes: I can understand people doing it for the money since we all have to eat & not everyone's got a trust fund, but I don't entirely get the people who aren't doing it for survival. Personally, I'd only do it if I absolutely had to in order to survive but it's not my place to judge & this coming from the woman whose film company did a movie portraying a web cam girl as a human being.
I despise churchies* who preach against people doing it but offer no viable alternatives. They'll whine & moan about a relative or someone doing this but then won't help that relative find a decent paying job (saying "work at McDonalds" is NOT a solution; you're still being degraded but being paid less $), give them food or do anything other than sit in judgment like they are God.
The true Christians are the ones who may express disapproval but will at least make an effort to HELP the person instead of preaching fire & brimstone w/no solutions. I have less sympathy for those not doing it to feed their kids, pay school loans or pay basic expenses like food/rent/clothing/etc.
When you get down to it, I think most of us are human beings. If you can live with yourself, then you don't need to worry about what anyone else thinks. See this is one of those reasons I don't fit in a neat little box.
* my word, so credit me if you use it
I'm still really pissed off about the thing I wrote about yesterday but for now, I'm pressing forward on this.
Anyhow, my views on it aren't all black & white. One thing I can say about myself is that I'm not a person who fits into a neat little box. I'm not some stereotype & I don't walk in lockstep w/the other liberals, attorneys or whatever group you'd stick me in based on what I do, believe or practice.
So, here goes. I happen to agree with the idea that sex is a part of life. My own mother, a very religious person, has famously said to me "Of course sex feels good. Nobody would do it if it didn't." She says a lot of great, witty things. My husband says she's the reason I'm insane (well, I prefer "quirky" since I don't think I've hit "lock her up in an institution" insane just yet).
I grew up in that "sex is sinful" atmosphere but by college, I'd basically felt it was time to stop worrying about anyone else's views on what I did & think about how I felt. I also wanted to have experiences that I couldn't in my hometown; there's a freedom in going to college elsewhere & not being shackled in your childhood image. You get to reinvent yourself. College professors at my school encouraged students to get laid; one of them was known for sleeping w/students but since I consider school like a job, you'd have never seen ME doing that no matter how hot or kind any professor might have been.
So I got to be the hot chick that I never was in high school. I got to have guys show an interest in dating me; that was new, let me tell you.
However, I wasn't really a slut. I couldn't flirt if my life depended on it, even now. An ex once told me that I try flirting but I fail horribly at it. I said this to my husband & he agreed w/the ex. I think flirting is BS; it's not in my nature since I'm far too sincere & I think it's a form of lying. I was getting male attention without trying that hard; actually, I still do.
So how does this relate to my attitudes about porn?
Well, I was never the kind of wife or girlfriend who'd demand a guy to get rid of his porno mags. I'd never tell my husband to do that, even though he'd only watch or read it w/me unless he was in a group of friends. He appreciates what he's got.
I don't get women who do that; it's not like the guy's off sleeping w/someone else. The actress or model he's looking at isn't going to seduce him in person. She's probably got her own boyfriend (maybe girlfriend) & her own problems.
It's like getting jealous of some celebrity in a film. Do you really think Angelina Jolie is going to pick YOUR boyfriend or husband to have a serious relationship with? If you do, you're an idiot & need to get some smart pills.
At least the guy's looking at WOMEN; he could be looking at naked guys, you know?
So unless sexual stuff involves children, animals, non-human beings or people who didn't consent, you're not going to hear protests about it from me. I feel a similar way about prostitution. If you're adults & there's no pimp, it's not my business. When you involve children or non-consenting parties, that's another story.
I'd also not want my nephew watching porn. There's a time & place for everything, including porn. Don't expose it to kids. Don't bring it to the workplace or tell me about your sex life---I don't care & don't want to hear it. If you're going to have sex toys/porn/etc., keep that stuff under lock & key.
The first time I ever saw porn was w/a group of sorority sisters. I don't know about anyone else but a group of straight women watching your basic straight porn was an exercise in humor & critique. We're sitting there critiquing it, commenting on the girl's underwear & laughing at the absurdity of it while one of the girls who lived in that room was speaking to her very religious parents who were visiting Atlanta that weekend.
Honestly, I'm the person who will look for details & critique stuff if you want me to sit & watch a porn film.
I did see one w/a guy friend once b/c I'd had a horrible day (this guy who'd taken me out on Valentine's Day that year decided he didn't want to date me--his weirdness is for another post). I decided watching a cheesy porno might cheer me up since I'd also made the mistake of watching "Leaving Las Vegas" earlier in the day (the 2nd most depressing film of all time, next to "Midnight Cowboy" which I didn't see until years later).
NEVER watch porn w/a straight guy friend, especially a straight guy friend who wants to sleep w/you even a little bit. I learned that lesson; no, I didn't sleep w/him but he asked about it enough to annoy me. I don't think straight guys can watch them w/that critical eye, at least if it's not featuring a celebrity they can't stand.
My honey made me watch that Paris Hilton sex tape w/him. A few observations:
A) Paris Hilton's voice is annoying. I wanted to kill her after hearing her speak about twice in this thing.
B) I noticed the boyfriend didn't really look at her much. Maybe he was picturing someone else. If he'd been smart, he would have.
C) I learned more about her personal preferences than I cared to. Hubby also made the observation that people who don't like giving as much as receiving are the most selfish people on Earth. That's a life lesson. Take note, single folks.
D) She didn't seem all that into it at times. You just wanted housekeeping to bust in or something. It'd have been much funnier.
E) Finally, turn off your cell phone before you have sex. That ringing just messes things up. At least turn off the ringer lest some loved one gets rushed to the ER or drops dead & someone has to tell you about it.
I think I know what I'll use to torture guys who've done something awful to us...
Okay, as for porn actors & prostitutes: I can understand people doing it for the money since we all have to eat & not everyone's got a trust fund, but I don't entirely get the people who aren't doing it for survival. Personally, I'd only do it if I absolutely had to in order to survive but it's not my place to judge & this coming from the woman whose film company did a movie portraying a web cam girl as a human being.
I despise churchies* who preach against people doing it but offer no viable alternatives. They'll whine & moan about a relative or someone doing this but then won't help that relative find a decent paying job (saying "work at McDonalds" is NOT a solution; you're still being degraded but being paid less $), give them food or do anything other than sit in judgment like they are God.
The true Christians are the ones who may express disapproval but will at least make an effort to HELP the person instead of preaching fire & brimstone w/no solutions. I have less sympathy for those not doing it to feed their kids, pay school loans or pay basic expenses like food/rent/clothing/etc.
When you get down to it, I think most of us are human beings. If you can live with yourself, then you don't need to worry about what anyone else thinks. See this is one of those reasons I don't fit in a neat little box.
* my word, so credit me if you use it
Monday, March 15, 2010
A Church as a Nightclub??
I just found this provocative.
How do I feel about this?? Good question. My mother was one of the people I knew who suggested meeting men in church.
To be honest, that idea always made me feel sleazy. First off, aren't you supposed to be going to church for the service & because you believe in that church's platform/teachings/philosophies? Second, if I'm using church to troll for men, how far should I go?? Should I just walk in wearing a short dress with stilettos & tons of cleavage? Do I just start looking at men's butts or trying to get an idea of dick length while I'm sitting in a church? Should I start chatting w/other women my age in the church to get an idea of the eligible men?
Come to think of it, what if that church's dating pool is like a soap opera? If everyone's got a history with someone, I know I'd want no part of it. That's a big reason I never dated anyone I went to school with--I didn't care to have everyone there know what my private parts look like or how good I am in bed. If they had, I'd have never gotten any homework done & eventually flunked out. My dating life was crazy enough without anyone knowing that kind of thing about me.
Finally, I just think it's like having sex on someone's headstone: it's disrespectful. I don't see getting horny in a church or forging a real connection with a guy you meet there. Not to mention there are plenty of scummy men who attend church; plenty of pedophiles & serial killers have been active church members, you know?
I like the idea of having a non-religious nightclub in a church w/no conversion attempts. It probably helps that church get credibility and membership from people who'd never attend otherwise. However, I wonder about the practicality of it all.
I know meeting guys in bars & clubs isn't all that great but I was WAY too shy to approach anyone. I also know I'd have been uncomfortable approaching anyone in a church; plus, with my luck the guy would be super-devout & simply not worth my time due to the obvious differences.
Call me shallow but I don't prescribe to the idea of being a virgin until you get married: look at "Sex & the City." Not to mention the simple fact that sex is an important part of marriage & you'd better know ahead of time whether you have anything in that department. I wouldn't even stay in a celibate marriage; thankfully, my husband feels the exact same way. How many problems have happened b/c of people denying their sexual urges or seeing sex as shameful? Not to mention how society makes fun of people who are still virgins at 25 & upwards. Plus, do you want your first sexual experience to be the result of a rape?
That's not to say I think 15 year olds should be having sex. You just need to be old enough & mature enough to accept the responsibility + consequences that go with it. If you can't raise a baby on your own or get birth control, you don't need to do it.
The basic thing I come down to on this issue is whether you can face yourself the next day if you decide to have sex. After all, it's your life & you have to live with your own life choices. If you can deal with that, then to hell with what anyone else has to say about you.
As my high school Chemistry teacher once said, have meaningful experiences when you're young so when you're 60, you won't look back & wish you'd done more with your life.
How do I feel about this?? Good question. My mother was one of the people I knew who suggested meeting men in church.
To be honest, that idea always made me feel sleazy. First off, aren't you supposed to be going to church for the service & because you believe in that church's platform/teachings/philosophies? Second, if I'm using church to troll for men, how far should I go?? Should I just walk in wearing a short dress with stilettos & tons of cleavage? Do I just start looking at men's butts or trying to get an idea of dick length while I'm sitting in a church? Should I start chatting w/other women my age in the church to get an idea of the eligible men?
Come to think of it, what if that church's dating pool is like a soap opera? If everyone's got a history with someone, I know I'd want no part of it. That's a big reason I never dated anyone I went to school with--I didn't care to have everyone there know what my private parts look like or how good I am in bed. If they had, I'd have never gotten any homework done & eventually flunked out. My dating life was crazy enough without anyone knowing that kind of thing about me.
Finally, I just think it's like having sex on someone's headstone: it's disrespectful. I don't see getting horny in a church or forging a real connection with a guy you meet there. Not to mention there are plenty of scummy men who attend church; plenty of pedophiles & serial killers have been active church members, you know?
I like the idea of having a non-religious nightclub in a church w/no conversion attempts. It probably helps that church get credibility and membership from people who'd never attend otherwise. However, I wonder about the practicality of it all.
I know meeting guys in bars & clubs isn't all that great but I was WAY too shy to approach anyone. I also know I'd have been uncomfortable approaching anyone in a church; plus, with my luck the guy would be super-devout & simply not worth my time due to the obvious differences.
Call me shallow but I don't prescribe to the idea of being a virgin until you get married: look at "Sex & the City." Not to mention the simple fact that sex is an important part of marriage & you'd better know ahead of time whether you have anything in that department. I wouldn't even stay in a celibate marriage; thankfully, my husband feels the exact same way. How many problems have happened b/c of people denying their sexual urges or seeing sex as shameful? Not to mention how society makes fun of people who are still virgins at 25 & upwards. Plus, do you want your first sexual experience to be the result of a rape?
That's not to say I think 15 year olds should be having sex. You just need to be old enough & mature enough to accept the responsibility + consequences that go with it. If you can't raise a baby on your own or get birth control, you don't need to do it.
The basic thing I come down to on this issue is whether you can face yourself the next day if you decide to have sex. After all, it's your life & you have to live with your own life choices. If you can deal with that, then to hell with what anyone else has to say about you.
As my high school Chemistry teacher once said, have meaningful experiences when you're young so when you're 60, you won't look back & wish you'd done more with your life.
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