Can an Outsider "Break Up a Marriage?"

For some reason, the universe decided to plant this one in my mind today. When I start checking e-mail earlier in the day, I see a story about John Edwards' former mistress & how she apparently went on Oprah. She talked about people claiming she "broke up" the marriage of John & Elizabeth Edwards.

Then I FINALLY caught the new GSN Network show Baggage, hosted by Jerry Springer. Cool concept & I like trying to figure out what my husband would consider a deal-breaker from the baggage presented in various rounds. Watch this show for yourself; it's great.

Anyhow, guess what one of the female contestant's baggage is in the 2nd round: I Broke Up a Marriage. The male contestant selecting a date decides to eliminate that female.

I absolutely HATE the idea that an outsider to any marriage can break one up; it's total garbage!!! Even if your spouse was raped, that's still not going to break up a marriage b/c there was no consent & I doubt your spouse enjoyed it.

My mother, a pretty wise & sharp woman, said something very true back when my sister was dating her late husband. She told her that no one can "steal" a man from you. That man decides whether to go off w/someone else or not. Same goes for women.

So if you believe that no one can "steal" your significant other, you pretty much have to accept that no 3rd party can "break up" your marriage. If your spouse leaves you for somebody else, then guess what? Your spouse doesn't love you. Your spouse doesn't want to be with YOU and if it hadn't been that particular person, it would have been someone else sooner or later.

When I saw this on TV today, I told my husband I wouldn't be nearly as angry w/a person he cheated on me with if he ever did it as I would be at HIM. He'd be the one deciding to throw our marriage away & he'd certainly have to decide to cheat before our marriage could be broken.

This should explain why I find the idea of someone other than a member of the marriage breaking up a marriage to be ludicrous. Someone in the marriage has to decide to cheat before that can happen.

I also don't think you should get married unless you know in your heart you want to be w/that person forever + can be there through thick & thin. Whether you have kids or what religion you follow, it's far less complicated to stay married to the same person than it is to get a divorce. Now sometimes, divorce is necessary but don't start a marriage in the hole.

My law school experiences in Family Law class + the legal clinic were a perfect example of why you'd better not get married unless you're doing it for the right reasons & you are serious about making that type of commitment to someone before family, friends & the deity of your choice. I know my husband & I thought very carefully & discussed potential deal-breakers before walking down the aisle.

Some couples (and some people, for that matter) just shouldn't get married & I don't think society does anyone any favors by encouraging bad marriages. Just my thoughts.