Some Leaders and Change Makers Aren't Chosen but Summoned

If you are a person governed by personal integrity and the type who feels you should BE the change instead of complaining about why things don't change, then you can definitely relate to this sentiment. As I'm going through my life I definitely have found that to be more and more true.

Sometimes, the choice to speak out or do something is not even really a choice. You're minding your own business, content to go about life and do you thing when all of a sudden there's bullshit confronting you. Maybe it's a rude salesperson. Maybe it's a boss being emotionally abusive. Maybe it's some rando who nearly killed you in traffic. Maybe you're getting slammed by bureaucracy because you don't come from money but people assume you do. Either way, you've been thrust into some time of intolerable conflict where your choices are "sit back and take it" or "give 'em hell." Not sure how common it is or how many people identify as this but I like to think that many people in America are of the "give 'em hell" mindset. We claim to revere and respect the "give 'em hell" types. In fact, I think it's an unofficial requirement that you be a "give 'em hell" type if you're going to be a lawyer.

But have you ever noticed that whistleblowers are never protected by society's decisionmakers or many of the "woke" activists? Where's the fund for them? Don't tell me "just create a GoFundMe or a GiveSendGo campaign." Not everybody's story goes viral or has that kind of support from the world at large. Where's any concern for one's survival in the meantime from any camp? Don't you get that lots of people get blacklisted by employers if they speak up against anyone, even the Harvey Weinstein figures? Where are the employers who fight this bullshit? Why don't any say "I'd be proud to hire that person since they have principles?" Do entire industries just cover for assholes, in contradiction of their supposed claims to value all people or care about the populace at large? I suppose stuff like this makes me look skeptically at the whiners who bitch at people for protecting their own self-interest. Will those woke scolds feed the children of the "good" cops who speak out against corruption? Will they be supporting the fired creatives who report some well known sexual predator? It doesn't look like they do.

In the legal world, lawyers are requried to report ethics violations and can't be blind soldiers just following orders at their jobs. There's a specific rule that says this. But what do legal employers do when someone makes a report against some other employer who's straight up got no business trying to solicit clients or supervising anyone? What if it's an employer who's a sexual predator or hits people in the workplace? I've been given the impression that legal employers have no respect for whistleblowing and outright discourage it by punishing the people who do it with blacklisting in spite of the reality that attorneys are commanded to report ethical violations in their profession. Who thinks the people who'd blacklist some whistleblower is guilty of things that they deserve exposure for or are feckless wimps who'd never report anything since it would be harmful to their personal comfort in some way?

If you're acting against your personal comfort, clearly you're governed by something else & have far more integrity than losers who will blacklist others for taking a stand. I feel like those people would just let some rapist continue harming people, a child molester continue harming kids, a wife beater keep beating his wife, thieves continue to steal, you get the idea. To me, staying silent when shit happens in front of your face is enabling that bad behavior and you might as well be participating in it yourself. Those who are "give 'em hell" types find this intolerable. Their feeling is "I have to do what's right" and it doesn't matter what personal comfort is lost or how much money you pay them to drop a claim or what threats you make to them. It's just "this is what I must do." It's a moral imperative, God's will, however you interpret it.

In my own speaking out and stepping up experiences, I was thrust into some intolerable situation that was unfair to me in some way. Whether it was threat to my academic record, being denied a job I was perfectly capable of doing, an abusive work environment, witnessing racism being practiced on my friends, or seeing loved ones being treated terribly in a job, I didn't choose to inject myself into situations. I was facing negative impact or the threat of negative impact and simply decided it was time to fight against it. In the case of friends being subjected to racism, that was something I was asked to watch then be involved in but I didn't like seeing my friends being treated badly as that affected my life (when you care about your friends, you don't want people abusing them and making them unhappy). This is something I did as early as middle school. It's funny that people actually had positive words for me after I took action even though I was far from Ms. Popular. I've also never regreted taking these actions and I guess this is how I became a lawyer though I'm not a litigator.

When you've been called to take action, you get it. I also keep seeing anti-mandate protesters taking action and I'm like "they're doing the Lord's work." So is the widow of that officer who just got killed. I love that she called out the feckless Bragg in her eulogy, this creampuff DA who thinks criminals should get to freely roam the streets and harm others. I bet he'd feel differently if HIS loved one or HE were a victim of some of his beloved criminals. Same goes for all the politicans who enable that shit. It's time the criminals actually targeted those people. That's what I'd do if I were a criminal.

I suppose, though, that's because I'm also rebellious and big on giving people some "fuck you" alongside something I'm doing. Why individual armed security people or staff members haven't poisoned these people or simply gotten out of the way when guns were aimed at these losers is a mystery to me. My personal integrity would command me to make these people suffer the consequenses of their stupidity. I can't be that rare a breed but perhaps I am. Someone who did that stuff would be a personal hero to me. I understand that officer's widow got a standing ovation when she called Bragg out and is sure to become a personal hero to many in NYC and beyond who are fed up with creampuff DAs and lying politicians.

One thing for sure is that I have tons of real life influence for my creative pursuits. Apparently, we're getting a blizzard so I'll get to sit pretty at home.

Hello, Time Wasting Prick

I think this is how I'm going to start messages guys send me on any kind of platform or how I greet guys who've made it clear they've got interest in me since it seems to be such a fragile thing. Double for guys who I wouldn't normally consider who've made that effort to approach me. There's a reason for this:

Last week, I get a message from a guy on Instagram. I don't do dating apps these days and don't really spend time trying to do the guy pursuit since I'm out of that phase, would rather focus on my career stuff and really need to be getting back to writing about my experiences and using those to create art. Also, like many people, I find dating way too stressful with too much time wasting and game playing. I've been through a divorce, lost a parent and lived as a transient. You don't treat someone who's lived that stuff like they're some naive idiot who's lived nothing.

I thought maybe this was some guy I had a date with eons back who faded away and then showed up again. That happens to me a lot, from guys I met in Phase 1 to guys I met later on when I still bothered with dating apps. Some have managed to linger around an obscene amount of time. They're not actual exes since we never really dated.

I only have one guy I truly chose exclusivity with since my ex-husband (Mr. Big Stuff) and he's not in NYC at the moment; if he did something awful, he'd actually become an ex since that connection is far more meaningful to me & if he lived here again, I'd be fine with resuming our old relationship. It's unfinished business.

This guy, however, was someone I met in a work context. He lauds how smart I am and how he likes my writing style. Okay...

So he asks me about getting coffee and talking. I'm like "okay, but I insist on exchanging cell numbers since I've had dates fall apart because I couldn't get to the messaging platform from lack of Internet connection." We do this, he asks me complex questions that I answer with proper clarity & length. He makes a whole big thing about wanting to hang out with me & so forth. We make plans for Monday.

Monday afternoon comes & I get a text from him saying he's going to see about working things out with his ex, who's just contacted him. He tells me "I want to be friends" and "thanks for understanding" without a word from me. Oh, and ditches me on these plans after I've made arrangements to get my laundry picked up the next evening so I'd be free that night. I told him of this and said beforehand that if he bailed, I'd be irate (you would be too if you were running out of clean undies).

I promptly get my pickup changed for that evening, inform him of the fact that I'm from the "exes are dead to me" school, tell him precisely what my ex-husband did and why it's more likely I'd get a sex change than ever be friends with that jerk and that my friends take me out, don't ditch me, including one who has a jealous girlfriend & works in the same field we do and would never let their girlfriends dictate who they talk to or spend time with. I'm envisioning a conversation and see no reason this guy can't do that if he's indeed as interested as he claims to be. I also say "see why my sort of boyfriend (Mr. Big Stuff) is up here and everyone else is down there?" after telling him just why that guy became my first exclusive boyfriend by choice and how he made amends to me after doing me wrong, me calling him out, blocking him and saying "fuck you." Most men wouldn't bother talking to that woman again or apologizing to her (especially someone you know never apologizes for anything) so I felt like he must actually care about me if he went to all that trouble & didn't get scared after I told him off.

24 hours later as jerk from Instagram hasn't responded to my points, I leave a voicemail telling him to do me a favor and pretend he doesn't know me if he sees me in a work context then block him from all sources. I notice that he unfollowed me on Instagram before I made this call and figured I'd block him.

That friend with the jealous girlfriend told me he thinks this guy actually has a girlfriend and made shit up because he got caught or got remorse.

This comes after a guy I'd been talking to for ages flakes on me for a basic lunch plan while we're both in the same area. I blocked him from everything as well since this was strike two and though he may not have malice, he doesn't have my best interests at heart and I feel that's a boundary I need to set or he'll never learn. People learn how to treat you based on the boundaries you set. If you just complain and take no action, people learn that your words are meaningless.

Go nuclear or go home, right?

So I'm thinking to myself "How do I prevent this shit in the future, aside from telling guys I hate liars (as I did specifically tell this one)?" Telling any guy who might be remotely suitable that I'll assume he's a time wasting prick until he proves otherwise could be effective. The kind of guy I'd consider would find my greeting a challenge or hysterical. I don't like guys with no sense of humor and I hate guys who are bigger wimps than me. Beta males are so not my interest.

This guy also made the mistake of telling me how I felt and what he was in my life. Nope!!! You don't tell ME who you are to me or how I feel. Ever. I told him this as well and that only I get to decide if you're my friend and how I feel about something.

I was not understanding since A) I don't do being ditched, B) I don't do bullshit platitudes like "we'll be friends" with no opportunity to discuss it (contrary to any "friend" behavior) and C) I'm not some ordinary woman who's dumb as a post. You'll respect my intelligence and be straight with me. If you're just wasting my time, I'll have more respect for you if you just admit it.

If you're not interested, you're better off just telling me since I might still think you're a loser but I won't think you're also a disrespectful asshole (or "a rat" or "a super rat" if you wish to use Holy Golightly speak if you've seen "Breakfast at Tiffany's"; I just watched that movie again today). At one time, my life was a cross between "Breakfast at Tiffany's" and "Midnight Cowboy". If you're a straight guy, I can forgive you not seeing "Breakfast at Tiffany's" but you'd better be seeing "Midnight Cowboy" if you haven't already; it's a classic though it's extremely depressing.

Women who've been through the things I have deserve respect for our intelligence & not a furthering of our cynicism and trust issues. You want to bitch about why some woman doesn't instantly trust you or take your word on things? Maybe you should look at your own behavior and ask yourself how you'd like it if someone did that to YOU. What if I insulted your intelligence and lied to you about wanting to be your friend? I don't give out platitudes and make claims I have no intention of living up to. When you're all talk & no action, I can't trust you; if you prove that your talk actually means something, then I'll listen to you but when you haven't proven it?!?!? Please!!

I'm the woman who told particular dudes she was using them for sex during Phase 1 when she was indeed doing that. It didn't feel right to me to not say something about that. The odd thing was men would usually be okay with it, even saying "can we do it again?" It was weird since I'd be pissed at some guy doing that to me. My goals and focus are different these days. I never led anybody on and if someone didn't feel content just being my friend, I didn't give them false hope. This wasn't every guy since there are some I would have gone out with in my normal life.

Another major issue that comes up with respect to me (and those of you who aren't super attractive + super smart should take note): I "intimidate" guys because of being a model AND having 2 law licenses among the other things I've done or plan to do in life. You can get rejected for being "too good" since lots of guys are insecure. If you're doing something "great" or "interesting" in life, you very well can end up being alone since no guy has the balls to step to you or stick with you. Mr. Big Stuff might be the only guy I've dealt with who didn't try making me feel like shit for having things or resent me for it; he's got no reason to feel threatened by me or like he's some inferior around me.

Lots of guys who also shouldn't feel that way apparently haven't owned themselves; the guy I blocked who has issues is a former model & I mean did this for professional pay. He told me he was intimidated around me & I'm like "You're intimidated by little old me?! I was considered ugly in high school & couldn't buy a date; I was this quiet smart kid. A guy chose to leave me." Granted, my ex-husband was not a real prize in the end but that's neither here nor there. I couldn't believe it. He flakes on me for lunch claiming he's not up to "a date." Meanwhile, I'm viewing this as a casual outing with a friend. I don't wear lawyer clothes for dates.

This guy also hadn't proven himself worthwhile for my consideration in that regard based on his flakiness & not having his life shit together. I felt maybe he could be my friend and might eventually get that shit worked out so I could reconsider but ditching me is not what a friend does, especially on a hot day where I put paper towels in my clothes to do my court assignments and handle my tasks for the day.

You can also fall into a weird little space where you're considered great at all this stuff but you're not into guys who think they can buy you and treat you like a piece of property so you're on your own to make your way in life with nobody unless you settle & run into the same "you're intimidating" problem. I don't do open relationships and I actually rejected a guy who tried offering me that proposition. I wasn't flattered, I was insulted; I wondered if this guy had mistaken me for a prostitute. Go ahead and do you but don't expect me to be content with being inferior or sharing with other bitches (yeah, I'm quite straight in case you can't tell). Don't expect me to hang around for it either.

Somebody like me would be some millionaire playboy's nightmare since I can't be bought and won't do disrespect. It feels like some days "God forbid you have self-respect or independent thoughts in your head. God forbid you don't ugly yourself up or dim your light for someone else. God forbid you know your value & own it." This is the message I get from modern dating & guys who don't show me otherwise.

I feel like we should cut out the pretenses and nonsense. Make things as simple as possible. I'm not going to beg you for your approval & I'm not approaching you in real life. If you're the one approaching me, I certainly shouldn't have to degrade myself or beg you for your approval. I just don't live or die based on such things. To my mind, if I survived life without the guy I loved for years I certainly won't be devastated by some Johnny Come Lately rejecting me for not being a doormat. Why do some of these guys think I will be? That's insulting my intelligence & my emotional strength. This is where my being divorced comes in. It should be code for "been there, done that, don't treat me like some clueless nymph since I'll see right through your bullshit."

Go Big or Go Home!!!!!

I'm particularly partial to that statement as both an entertainment professional and as an attorney. To me, it means don't bring half-assed effort to what you do. If you're going to do something, put in all your effort. Give it all you have or don't bother wasting people's time!

One of my absolute biggest pet peeves is people who claim to be in support of an issue but then whine about the terminology used or about folks not wanting to be "nice" or "solicitous" to the other side. This particularly galls me in the realm of social protest or dealing with political issues.

Here's an example of the type of statement that pisses me off:

"War is war. What our government and politicians are doing to women is ignorant and unacceptable. Let's not wage wars. THere's too much fucking war in the world. If you all would tone down your headlines and verbiage, I'd be so much more interested, and likely, to read what your saying. The issues are important but, please, stop the violence, stop the hate."

I had to give a response to this moron. Much of what I said has already been expressed here & I will not go into details on my personal views on abortion since that's something you can see in earlier entries. This particular rant is a bit different.

Basically, the reason you can't call me a "tree hugging liberal" is because I'm not anti-war. I'm anti-stupid war. There's a difference. When someone is attacking me, you'd better believe I'm in favor of doing whatever I have to defend myself. You may very well get a war for messing with me or mine. As you may know, I believe committing certain acts means you've forfeited your human rights & should have no expectation that I'll treat you like a human being.

This particular writer pissed me off because she would rather play "friends" with people who literally piss on her rights as a woman instead of being in favor of real action to fix the issue, regardless of any argument or rhetoric used. I guarantee you these politicians didn't think for a moment about what she or any other one of these anti-war tree huggers thought. Why are they bitching about the terminology a group uses to rally people to fight back?

The Malcolm Xs of the world are the ones who made changes stick in terms of injustices. They are the ones who fought & said "no more." Do you think Malcolm X cared about offending someone's PC sensibilities or what some crybaby had to say about any terms he used in speeches?

Sometimes, nice doesn't cut it. I assisted on lobbying work with a former legal client in the past. You could not write passive, "Mother May I" platitudes if you wanted to get a response. You have to be bold, you have to be direct. Think anyone's going to listen if you use soft, cuddly phrases & imagery?

This does NOT mean you curse people out or threaten to hurt them. Anyone who's good at persuasion can make a point without resorting to violence or credible threats. However, you have to start making it personal. You have to remind politicians that they serve the people & are not royalty. As they say, if you want to make an omelet, you have to break a few eggs.

If you are truly passionate about an issue, you don't run around whining about the use (or lack thereof) of PC terms or act like everyone's your buddy or cares about you as a person. Because, newsflash: plenty of people do not give a shit about you or your position. Look at how much Bloomberg cares about the people's views regarding a Wal-Mart in NYC! Seriously, research this & see what's he's done. Need I say more?

It's a hostile environment & you'd better assume no one respects you as a person. Expect to get brushed off, pushed aside & so forth. If you REALLY care about your cause, you're going to get on board & understand this. You don't let people shove you down & trust has to be earned from you. You follow up & become a pest if you have to. Hey, if you care that much about a cause you don't worry about offending anyone or being people's friends. You're arguing a point & being respected should be far more important than being loved.

If it's my cause, I'm not walking in there like I'm groveling to the king for a bread crumb. I walk in as an equal and someone you'd better take seriously since I'm giving you rational, valid arguments that aren't easily refuted. This is where being a good debator/orator/researcher come in. You bet I'll go for the jugular in a debate. Lawyers have to do that in court; they can't be passive little flowers & fear offending people in making rational arguments. Their clients would feel cheated + the ethics rules require attorneys to "zealously defend clients".

Not "half-assed" or "tepid" defense but "zealous advocacy!!" Even unpopular people are entitled to lawyers, though I wouldn't be qualified to take some of those cases due to personal beliefs.

Going through life as a wimp doesn't help you do anything (yes, that's what these people are, including the author of that remark). I feel people who are so PC obsessed aren't committed to a cause and should just go home. They are also dead inside just like dream killers.

General Musings Part 13

More stories, more stuff to comment on. Let's see if I can logically link these up.

First off, some hilarious articles on Cracked. Both relate to courtroom or police procedure. Damn movies!! (sarcasm)

I also agree that these are laughable lawsuits, though I'm completely shocked that neither the infamous hot coffee nor the "McDonalds made me fat" lawsuit made the list (why do all these famous cases of stupid involve McDonalds?).

I don't really think the judge suing the dry cleaner was so much laughable as proving a point. The thong one was just disturbing & one example of the many cringe inducing injuries people suffer in personal injury cases. Study this stuff in law school & you'll just be grossed out as well as terrified of doing ANYTHING since you'll end up with one of these creepy injuries.

You definitely shouldn't read medical malpractice cases or you'll be too terrified to ever have surgery.

I read this one on Yahoo & apparently one of these dealers wants to go to law school. I'll tell you this: if the character & fitness committee lets this jerk become a lawyer in NY or CT, they'd better hope I'm doing well enough to not notice or I'll be leading a charge to raise holy hell. You'll hassle poor people about finances but you're going to let drug dealers who was likely born to money in without a second look at the record (and were these kids even hurting for cash)??? That's a sign of hypocrisy & makes the whole "character & fitness exam" a joke.

Oh, and if indebted attorneys wanted sympathy for their cause to the general public, it might behoove them to act more like this guy. I'm completely shocked to see an attorney perform an altruistic act since that almost never happens, even among fellow attorneys. Honestly, I think the key to getting reform is getting a loudmouth figurehead who's media friendly as well as someone your average person can get behind such as the underdog or the (wo)man of the people who doesn't think (s)he is better than the rest b/c of being a lawyer & stands tough no matter what. Not some critical, bitchy type who dictates to people or whines about their lot in life (male or female, I see a lot of this going on & I can't have sympathy for someone like that). Could you respect someone who's worried more about what the other attorneys think of them than about doing what's right? If you're whining so much about the unfairness & then do nothing, I can't. You have to solve your own problems & make changes in your life. God helps those who help themselves, not whiners waiting for a sign from Heaven.

I highly agree that retailers shouldn't give stuff like this to celebrities. But bravo to you, Patton Oswalt for not being another greedy douchebag. Me, I wouldn't use this kind of thing so much since I have a sensitive stomach & care about my health; I'd rather share the wealth. Remember the Baskin Robbins discussion in "Supersize Me?" I do.

Oh, and this just irked me & made me grateful to work in my field. God forbid you have a personality, right? Suck all the fun out of a so-called "fun" event. No wonder people don't want to go to holiday parties at work. At least the one I went to before law school was black tie so I got to wear my white "Cinderella dress." Yes, I love dressing up. What of it? Any opportunity to do it & I will, especially if it makes me look different from the crowd. As I've said a hundred times before, I firmly believe one can dress tastefully without looking like a frumpy old hag or some robot in a business suit.

Going back to a work issue, I saw this topic on the Evil HR Lady blog. Religion at work: what a loaded issue.

I have to agree w/those who say that they don't mind talk of God + other spiritual entities or people's personal beliefs (you're also welcome to pray for me if you wish) but that when you try to convert, you are crossing the line.

I'm quite mindful of this kind of thing, especially because I lived in the South and some people are of the mind that if you aren't religious you just crawled up from Hell or need to be saved this instant. That can be the first question out of people's mouths & it's insensitive to my non-religious spouse.

I think we also need to be respectful of ALL people regardless of beliefs since conversion attempts are just as annoying as pestering women to have kids or telling someone what to eat.

I'm glad this guy got what was coming to him. Threaten me & I'll dare you to show up. Then my spouse will have organized a posse & it will kill you (that is, if I haven't first). Not to mention me threatening you with a lawsuit, collection agency or attacking you myself. I'm not a fair fighter, either. This is why I never understood kids at my school who'd start their fights in the hallway during break time or in the courtyard at lunch. Some teacher would be there in a second to break it up.

If you got in a fight with me, you'd be doing it when kids are in class. When some teacher isn't going to see it in 5 seconds. In other words, I don't play around so you'd better be taking it seriously & ready to go toe to toe. Just you, not your little buddies. I still take that view so if you challenge me, you'd better be ready to throw down. Hell, if this guy had ever crossed my path & tried that w/me I'd have probably cut his dick off or done something just as bad. Redheads don't play, you know?

Finally, I saw this story today & I find it interesting. If I was a manager or publicist, I'd really be pissed about the celebrity I worked with screwing me up with Twitter antics. You know those people probably still get the blame over stuff like that, right?

I can see both sides of the issue. On the one hand, I think it can improve a famous person's image to be accessible to the people & be more human. Humanization isn't necessarily a bad thing; sometimes it can help. On the other hand, if you're some loose cannon idiot who doesn't have privacy blockers and makes it a point to trash your studio, producer, whomever for no good reason then maybe you deserve what you get. Sometimes you're probably better off not showing the world that you really aren't worthy of its idolization. Granted, no one's going to get my idolization so it's a non-issue w/me. If your fortunes depend on the person, though, I can see where you might not want the celeb to have a Twitter account.

What do my industry folk think? Should celebrities use Twitter or lose it? My feeling is it depends.

Workers Wising Up & Crazy Stories from Mississippi

This is a sight for sore eyes.

It's no wonder, when you're making the remaining employees do the work of 2-3 people you've laid off & didn't replace without any promotions or salary increases. So seems this flies in the face of the "50 hours is the new normal & we'll just have to suck it up" crowd, doesn't it?

That makes me happy. Finally, some people are wising up & saying "Enough is enough." If this happened on a mass scale & people started using common sense again, I'd be even happier.

And this just makes me laugh.

Sorry but if you believe this, then I've got a bridge to sell you in Alaska. I saw Prom Night in Mississippi & I have to say that while there may be some intelligent, decent people in the state of Mississippi it's not been my experience that intelligent, decent people exist in the average county school district anywhere in the country.

If anything, I hear more about school administrators who lack any kind of capacity for rational thought based on news headlines & stories from family, friends, acquaintances, etc. Stories about denying diplomas to people whose guests applauded at their graduation, teachers trying to ban words, principals exercising double standards & even in my own high school days, we had some teachers who conducted themselves so poorly that a hobo deserved more respect than they did.

When your own mother says that a particular teacher doesn't deserve respect from students, it's a sign. Granted, my high school was known as Thug High when I went there but if a teacher can't even bother to do some basic things to earn respect from his/her students, it's time for that teacher to find a new profession.

Standing Up for Me

One of my biggest pet peeves is men using feminism to absolve themselves of treating a woman right. Just because I'm assertive doesn't mean you get to sit & watch while some guy harasses me or tries to violate me. I remember dating this guy that I call "Vampire Boy."

Oh, Vampire Boy...the relationship where I constantly wondered whether I was in love or not & learned I wasn't after meeting my husband. He would say stuff to me all the time like "Don't fall in love with me," but then say that I helped him recover from this brutal dumping by an ex.

Among this man's many flaws & transgressions, one thing really sticks out in my mind.

At the time, he fancied himself a wannabe musician. Called my singing voice "okay," so that definitely tells you something (most people tell me I'm very good/should sing professionally/you get the idea--at this point, I'm close to semi-professional). He starts working graveyard shift at this gas station & meets some musicians who live nearby. They invite him to a house party & for reasons I still can't figure out, he decides to go & takes me as well as two of his goth friends. He is Vampire Boy b/c he wore all black & my family only saw him at night (my mom gets the credit for this nickname).

When we get there, I notice that it's a lot like my college's frat parties but w/more people & a bigger house. This is definitely not the environment I expect Vampire Boy to want to be part of. As we walk in, he tells me that if anyone messes w/me I'm on my own since he's too small to defend me against anyone (he was my height of 5'6*).

I didn't think much of it at the time but again, I was merely dating him. I was talking about the issue of standing up for your woman w/my husband today & a thought occurs to me.

If someone gets good & mad, size doesn't matter. I'm sure plenty of people wouldn't want to mess w/me if I hit that point or think they could take me; that's just common sense. For that reason, I believe you shouldn't go around ticking people off regardless of what they look like since the smallest person in the room could easily fight dirty/know the exact pressure points to hit to knock you down/be a trained fighter/who knows. Anyone in a rage filled state isn't someone to mess with.

So if you can't get in a rage filled state over someone messing w/your spouse or serious girlfriend, I don't think you deserve to be w/that person. At least, I don't think a guy deserves me if he won't stand up for me in a situation. It means he doesn't care that much about you & if you can't count on that, you may as well be single.

My husband really ticked me off one time for not doing this & I've told him that if it ever happens again, we'd be talking divorce. Strong woman or not, he wouldn't deserve to be with me if he can't back me up or be there for me like I would for him. That kind of imbalance doesn't work in a marriage.

I think this easily applies to any woman. No man deserves your love if you can't be sure that he'd at least tell some jerk who's bothering you to back off. You can bet I'd NEVER let anyone mess w/my man; hurting him means you're going to pay in some form & everyone knows you don't mess w/an angry redhead. We're all crazy!!

And if a man is causing pain to you, that's even worse. Especially if it's physical. I have never been in an abusive relationship, probably b/c I lived w/my mother who famously said she didn't get why a woman would take that from a man since "they always go to sleep." The women in my family don't mess around; if you hit one of us, we just hit you right back & keep going if we have to. My mother put up w/a lot from my father but she said she'd never put up with infidelity or physical abuse from him. She didn't & my father knew better than to try it, even in his worst drunken rage.

In fact, he's often used the fact that we were never physically abused to excuse the other crappy stuff we were subjected to. That still ticks me off.

* As a side note, most of the guys I dated were close to my height. My family joked that I liked guys near my height so I could push them around but honestly, I've found a lot of romantic advantages to dating someone near your height (you can do this if you're 5'6 but probably not if you're 5'1). They also know I'd have never let ANY guy boss me around; my husband doesn't even do that.