The Surreal Adventures of The Angry Redheaded Lawyer: Ahmani Croom Productions "Karma" Fashion Show

As it seems my reviewing talents will not be going to waste despite my no longer writing for "Woman Around Town," this shall commence into an official series I've dubbed "The Surreal Adventures of The Angry Redheaded Lawyer." My adventures are surreal b/c they usually lead to contacts and directions I never foresee or expect. I'm also open to new adventures and opportunities as this is how we expand our minds, learn new things, make new friends, all that good stuff which makes us grow as human beings.

Case in point: this fashion show I will be writing on. Bear in mind that I never said I was a fashion blogger, nor do I pretend to be an expert at this. I'm not a fashion expert but I do know what I like & I do know the experience as a model who's worked in various venues + have talked to designers, photographers and others in the fashion game. I also have my own style and since this is my page, I'll write as I choose.

Mix this in with my background as a review/critique writer and humorous rant writer, and we may find some interesting results here. So, here goes:

Ahmani Croom Productions did its first show with the theme "Karma." The theme alone was enough to sell me on going. A woman who's gone through what I have and had an evil ex-husband who tried to sabotage her modeling career before it could really get started is probably your ideal guest for such a show. In sum, you had me at "Hello."

I came in on my press pass and we waited a bit (as you're often prepared to do when you go to a fashion event). Not being a professional photographer but wanting pics of outfits for this write up, I invited a close friend who's been to a lot of fashion shows as a spectator to be my guest along with another friend who's recently moved to NYC and deserved a glimpse of my entertainment scene/world. I also wanted a female perspective from a non-model/designer/fashion person. Unfortunately, my fashion outsider couldn't make it but my fashion insider did show up & took many of the pics you're going to see here.

I find a seat right in the front row & frantically save one for my photo taking friend. Unbeknownst to me, there was a separate section for press in a different room. The setup at The Highline Loft (the venue for this) was unique as you had two separate rooms connected by a hallway where we could see the models come in and out. Now if it were me, I'd have had a curtain up there or tried my best to avoid having you see the models before their official walk in the room where I was and where the entertainment and action was taking place. Or I might have had my models engage in a little showmanship like maybe wave to the crowd as they passed or posed specially or something. As an actress who's done that a LOT longer than modeling, I often incorporate my acting background into my own show performances. I've also seen one male model in particular I've worked with who is a master at this & quite beloved by the women. Had I been a model, I'd have wanted to do that as I feel when the audience can see you then you are "on" and need to own it.

The show started off with the hosts talking to the audience and engaging them. They picked a couple people to walk the runway and talk to the crowd. As is my fate in life, I was one of the people picked. Unfortunately, my zebra print heels (another item of karma) had been killing my feet by this time so I'd switched to my sneakers and was walking in those. However, I did my best to rock it as is. The top you see in my pic was specifically chosen for this theme as well as the necklace I had on; both came from my ex's family and I'd decided to wear them as part of my reclaiming of things with negative associations. My own take on the "karma" theme since isn't it delicious to wear something you got from people who hated you modeling to a fashion event? I'm not sure if our host knew I was a model or the producer pointed her out to me ahead of time but I liked my 5 minutes in the spotlight.

I love that this show incorporated the audience and made everyone feel they had worth in the world for being there. I saw no air of "I'm better than you" at this event, which is most certainly not the prevailing image of the fashion world or modeling.

A couple of professional dancers started off this event. I didn't get pics of them but they were quite good and it appears they were clothed in High Lights brand by Willie Fulmore III. Great stuff, these guys and their attire. You could definitely wear it in your normal, daily life or in a performance atmosphere for points for utility (I'm big on clothing & pieces that work in many different settings).

The first designer was CLEONS Clothing, by designer Chad Leon. He had a lot of male models in his segment, which my temperamental friend claimed he wouldn't photograph. I decided to get those pics myself where I got some decent angles. Check these out:

Now, as a straight woman we appreciate the presence of male models and getting eye candy as the straight men & lesbians always get their eye candy with female models. Bravo to equality!! I found his looks to have a mix of classic and a funky, retro feel in club wear. His website states that if you wear one of his designs, you should "feel like a different person...like an alter ego." I most certainly saw that here.

The second designer was Fabric Twinz. The collection I saw featured formal wear with both long and short dresses. Feast your eyes on these, taken by Craig Herskowitz:

(Craig said he liked this one)

(The black dress you see in the center felt like the model for what I'd wanted in my wedding dress; I still kind of want that great black dress though I won't be wearing it in any wedding of mine in the foreseeable future.)

I would wear these dresses, without question. I'm also a bit of an evening gown junkie & LOVE dressing up; maybe that's why modeling eventually found me.

The third collection was Toriola, Inc. by designer Tory Famuyiwa featuring his Peacock Reincarnate collection. There was some great stuff here but the one dress I really found super interesting was not one my friend got a great shot of. However, there were other fantastic & more practical designs captured by Craig Herskowitz:

(You can't tell me you don't love the eyes)

I loved the color scheme and felt like anyone could wear it, including my pale, naturally redhaired self. This collection had a mix of the modest and the sexy.

The final segment of the show (after a break for the cocktails, which I'm still wondering if it was rose--my friend thought the drinks were yummy but didn't know if it was rose when I asked him) was bird by Leigh Grahill for the clothing and Trash Cookie by Joy Vay for the accessories. This was a marriage made in heaven.

I say this because as I was viewing these designs I saw the aesthetic of Betsey Johnson, one of my favorite designers and likely someone who's clothing I'd own a lot of if I had more money to buy it. Witness these pics Craig Herskowitz took and tell me you don't see it:

(I LOVED this boa & found it inspired)

(I love the model's expression here; this is how you want your models to feel when they're walking)

Yeah, the last collection was definitely something in this "cool" lawyer's wheelhouse & of her aesthetic.

When you're modeling, that time on the runway feels like eternity but it's really short. You get told to stay out there for a while, pose, etc. for 30 seconds to 1 minute. You're thinking "no problem; it'll fly by" but it doesn't when you're out there. As a result, most models forget to do that hesitation. I saw some of that here & finally understood what photographers meant when they'd told me and other models to "slow down." Sometimes you're at a loss for what to do & you have to consciously slow your brain down.

Thank you to the models who posed when they first came into my room so we could get better pics of you!! I'm sure the professional photographer taking pics a few seats to my right also appreciated it. Overall, I'd say no one struck me as terrified or a total amateur at this; I'm not sure I'd call myself an expert model or a "professional" at it but I didn't see amateur hour here.

Other than some venue limitations like the heat, some acoustics being off and that weird room setup (apparently the second room was for press while I imagined a press pit being a literal segment where I'd be dodging elbows to get any simple smartphone pictures for my entry), I'd declare this show a success. Ahmani should be quite proud of her work and based on the track record of her designers, you should keep your eye on her and her team. Everyone struck me as professional, polite and definitely on a level I've not always seen in my own experiences.

Does "The Scarlet M" Exist?

You may notice there's not been a new post lately. Well, one big reason for that is a very nasty divorce. Kind of hard to be yourself when your ex is trying to engage in character assassination against you. Never mind the fact that the motherfucker knew all about this character when he married you, took wedding vows, agreed to set up a life with you, that kind of thing. For someone to claim you deceived them after being in a long time relationship with you when you always stayed yourself & you have a hair color that shouts "I am different from everybody else!" is absurd in my book. Thankfully, plenty of rational people agree with me. I have found some of those rational people in the fashion world.

Not sure if this is just a trait of me or if this is something applying to all natural redheads or all smart people but I'm the sort of person that if you tell me not to do something or try to discourage me from it, I'm going to make it my mission in life to do it more just to piss you off. I also never do anything in life half-assed; if it's worth doing, you do it right & do it well or you don't do it at all.

Since my ex & his horrible family tried sabotaging my career six ways to Sunday & then some, it's my goal to land some job where I end up in a huge national ad or billboard in Times Square so that loser is forced to see me. He'll be forced to confront the fact that he threw me away, treated me like garbage & he so fucking lost out. Have I won? I don't know; I like to hope I've won by being a human being who didn't kill herself or let that piece of garbage take away everything she worked for. People hear about the circumstances & keep telling me I'm strong. One friend even told another, newer friend that he respected me. I'd like to hope he respects me for going through all this & not doing what most people would have in my shoes. I could have easily become a hopeless drug or alcohol addict, gone back to Mama's house, murdered my ex or menaced him in some fashion (which he totally deserves but I'd prefer a more random misfortune like an anvil falling from the sky & hitting him in the head like in a Looney Tunes cartoon).

In recent times, I've been doing more modeling & found my profile increasing in that world. These days, I've gone places & people who didn't know I was a model thought I was one. When I've gone to casting calls, people took one look at me & assumed I was a model. Seems I'm carrying that model swagger more than I did when I started out. The model hat seems to be really fitting me well at the moment & I figure so long as that ride is going, I may as well hang on, enjoy the ride and keep taking opportunities as I get them. I've started meeting more models & seeing the same ladies more often at various events and shows. That's sort of a plus in my view since you can build your camaraderie & your network in that way. People are also starting to see where I'm going and how modeling fits in with what my role in the legal world always was. Stupid The Angry Redheaded Lawyer is not. This model stuff is also a fine distraction from things along with the ultimate act of feminism in my book. But more on that soon.

One of the observations I've seen in modeling is a lot of people outside this world don't get it. A model friend told me recently she'd wanted to give up modeling for fear of what I call "the scarlet M." She'd been told by an industry colleague that as long as she was modeling, she'd never have a serious relationship with anyone (including her present guy).

Having seen this with my ex-husband, I told her that modeling or not was a choice she should be making on her own & for herself. We're talking about someone over 18, after all. It's one thing to say you don't want to be a model b/c you're sick of wearing the heels or the hustle & bustle of it is getting to you or you don't like the world or the people as a whole. It's another to have family members, significant others or anyone else try to shame you or guilt you out of doing it. I lived having people not support me in my modeling career & simply didn't feel she ought to be making a choice like that based on what she thought some guy would want or how he might perceive her. I told her about my own experiences & that frankly, any guy who wouldn't give you a serious relationship or stand by you in something you love is a guy not worth having in your life. That is a guy who doesn't deserve you or respect you. That's someone trying to sabotage you, steal your soul, basically deny you of who you are & your potential. No one should have that kind of power over anyone, be it a spouse, parent, grandparent, lover, whoever.

Now I don't think this colleague was trying to be nasty in saying that. It's no secret that lots of people don't respect modeling or the fashion industry as a whole. If you asked lots of people's significant others, I'm sure they'd be secretly thrilled if their loved one left the fashion industry. Some of them just might have more tact & respect to directly tell the person that. Or they're also married to people with the stubbornness of natural redheads & know their spouse will do what they want to no matter what they say since some of us won't be in marriages where we're treated like 5 year olds. Whether you should tell people that or not at random is a whole other discussion but I felt it my duty to give some advice as a woman of the world who'd been there & is now far better off not letting her spouse steal her bliss or her identity. Nobody deserves the stuff I've had to deal with.

I think there's a scarlet M in other ways, such as hate from other women who aren't models or pretty enough to even be considered models if they wanted to (and not just larger women since there are plus sized models & I've met them in my travels; we aren't talking Hollywood "plus sized" either). I'm sure if you started out doing this without building your education or getting a professional license like I did you'd also have problems with people taking you seriously as a capable, intelligent person. I can also see guys just assuming models are good for a roll in the hay but not to take home to Mama.

Since I'm crawling out of limbo & completely fearful of getting hurt again, I could care less if a guy perceives me as one to get into a serious relationship with. I'm too "been there, done that" to be worried about getting married like the average girl who'd never been married would be, especially if she's pushing 30+. I'm also too tough & direct to tolerate being treated like some side chick or secondary when I'm from the tradition of manners and natural redheads tend to engender obsession in guys they get involved with. We're rare, we have some superhuman aspects about us (science even says so; go look it up) & we're far more interesting; it's us & then there's everyone else. We're the natural divas & most of us know it (especially those of us who are models); we just try not to be assholes about it.

The upside of making mistakes is you hopefully learn from them & shut down familiar bullshit quicker and quicker. Once you get punched from that particular angle or you recognize a particular look before someone punches you, no one has to tell you twice to avoid the inevitable since you'll see the punch coming before it happens.

I may have even finally found my tribe in that world. Back in the day, I thought my tribe was the goth/geek culture. Until I started modeling, I never felt I fully fit into the cheerleader/model/sorority/"pretty" girl archetype (this despite being a founding member of a sorority chapter; we identified ourselves as being the antithesis of the typical sorority girl image). I loved getting to be a cheerleader last Halloween since it was the prime symbol of what I'd felt for years I wasn't worthy of being & it felt fitting to do that after everything that happened the year before. It was like "I am worthy of this now & I will rock it." I did.

Now why do I view modeling as the ultimate act of feminism?

1. No slut shaming. As I said when I started out 2 years ago, no one's going to tell you "that's too short" or criticize you or a designer for his/her outfit being too showy. That'd likely be fighting words.
2. If you're doing it right, you are going out on the runway as a confident, bold woman. Confidence, boldness and bravery (since going out like that requires not being afraid to go out in public and put yourself on display) are the ultimate feminist traits. How do you think rights for women happened? Women had to go seek them out & demand them, despite men trying to hold them back and keep them down. They still have to do that today.
3. You are going out as a proud woman. Feminism is about being proud of being a woman, not trying to be a guy (in my book, at least). It's about celebrating & respecting women, which is what we do with models. We celebrate their beauty & as proper guests, respect them & the designers for their craft. A real fashion show isn't filled with people catcalling and trashing the models.
4. Finally, it was patriarchy that told women to cover up. Men in the Christian church and elsewhere are the ones that have been telling women sex was evil and they should be ashamed for centuries. It's men who've told women to cover up in modern times & shaped society to function that way. Violating the patriarchy & defying men is most certainly a feminist thing to do.

For my own part, I consider it an act of rebellion since my ex and his patriarchy supporting relatives were down on me modeling & having that pride in who I am or how I look (which is completely natural). I've always been in favor of rebelling against nonsense & that's probably a big reason I'm an attorney. I also feel if my religious conservative mother & sister respect me modeling and support me in it, no one else gets to tell me not to or bash me for it. I'll just view them as being jealous assholes who wouldn't last a second there; as I stated before, a LOT harder than it looks. Having evil forces in your life stressing you out & trying to sabotage you makes it even harder.

Whether I end up getting serious with anyone again or not, I don't think me modeling is going to make a difference there. At this point it's "I do this so you'll take me as I am or I don't want you to have me at all." That's with everything, in fact. My life is too short & my time is too precious to settle for anything less. I wish all people viewed themselves that way. It would solve a lot of problems & prevent some bad marriages.

And The Stalkers Are Popping Out

The last time I was single, I had a few problems with guys refusing to leave me alone. I didn't want to tell them where I was or what I was doing for fear they were going to show up & bother me. To get rid of the 2 ex-boyfriend turned stalkers I had (one even went to my parents' house on Thanksgiving & left this wrought note about how his life was nothing without me, among other things), I had to tell one I had a boyfriend and the other that I was attending law school in a different state from where I was actually going.

For those of you who haven't had them, let's define what a stalker is. A stalker is someone who refuses to leave you alone. Someone who can't go live their own life & allow you to live yours. Oh, no! That would be too much for them.

Let someone go about their merry way & NOT bother them? God forbid!

I consider stalking as banal as saying "hi" to me at an event when I don't want to talk to you & have made that abundantly clear. When I cut you out, you are to be dead to me. I don't want to know you are still roaming this planet or NYC or wherever I happen to be.

One of my biggest pet peeves is someone still trying to talk to me when I have A) blocked them on social media, B) blocked their phone number, C) blocked their e-mail, D) said "I do not want to talk to you anymore," E) got my personal property out of their place or F) did anything that would make a rational, sane person say "You know something? She doesn't want anything to do with me. Maybe I should leave her alone."

Another huge pet peeve of mine is guys getting way too damn clingy & saying things that they have no grounds for. Case in point: I go to a networking event weeks back. Being where I am in life right now, I'm not as prompt in follow ups as I'd usually be. I go to networking events with the express purpose of networking & making business contacts. This is the same reason I use LinkedIn.

I DO NOT go to these events or use LinkedIn to have guys hit on me, call me "babe" (outside of a general entertainment industry context where they just call every female or everyone that) or declare their love. In the past week, I have had a total of 5 guys harass me or declare feelings they've got no business having.

1. A former friend/person I had an involvement with who has long since been blocked, told "I'm not interested," that kind of thing approaches me at an event. It startled me & frankly I didn't want to deal with it so I dashed off.

On my way to find someone more desirable to talk to (usually a cute guy by himself), I get a text message from another guy I had no interest in. This one revealed himself to be a Jesus freak & the thing that made me not want to speak to him further was his little sermon on the evils of pre-marital sex. The genie is out of that bottle, dude!

2. The Jesus freak says "hi," despite the last conversation where I said he should find someone more suited to him & his beliefs than me since he was not going to "save" me and I knew way too much about the Christian faith to be swayed by any attempt to make me into the frump they'd all love.

3. I go to a fashion show & meet a guy from Italy who says he'd like to learn American English. He instantly asks me if I'd want a serious relationship alongside telling me I'm "beautiful" and how great my eyes are. Had a friend with me I was trying to help forge business contacts & he was going to contact this guy.

The next day this guy is sending me text to e-mail messages & veers away from polite, normal topics into "I need your love. I need you."

Uh, no you do NOT "need" me!!!!! You had a 5 minute conversation with me after a fashion show & I left since my ride for the evening had to go. No way did you get to know me well enough to assess whether you "need" me or not.

If you get emotionally attached to someone that quickly, there is no hope for you in this life. There is definitely no hope for me if that's how all guys are going to react to me.

4. I get a connection request from LinkedIn from this guy who is a diver & has a mutual contact. Generally, I'm liberal on who I accept connection requests from on there since you never know who might be a useful or beneficial contact. If it's not someone trying to have a million contacts they never speak to, I'll generally approve. After all, you're getting the vanilla version of me on there so it's not like someone's going to be overcome by the vapors by having me as a connection. A Facebook friend, perhaps but NOT a LinkedIn connection.

Recently, I had to add my picture to my LinkedIn page. This is because I got a sponsored ad from Avvo offering very good terms & used my headshot pic that is on my company's website as well as my IMDB profile. I figured it wouldn't hurt to maintain some consistency.

I'm still very resistant to having a profile pic on there & I suppose this most recent experience illustrates why.

No sooner than I approve this request, I get a message asking me if I'd consider "a serious relationship." He talks about true love flourishing, calls me "babe" & tells me to respond to his personal e-mail address if I am interested.

I wrote a response a few days later since at first I'm thinking "Was I just propositioned on here?" Who calls a woman he's not married to or dating "babe" in a LinkedIn message? I'm also thinking to myself "Is this guy offering to be my sugar daddy or something?" I've gotten quite a few in-person offers for that stuff that I may have mentioned before. How, I don't know. I did nothing particularly special, just be myself & show up. Maybe it's part of 2.0 stuff & the new order.

5. Yesterday, while I'm going about my business & dealing with tasks at hand I get an e-mail from a guy I met at a networking event ages back. He sends me a pic of a rose & says "i remember you very week...i think of you every days, please reply to me."

Then he signs off with "Kisses"

I want to know: what the holy fuck?!?!?!?

First off, I might be pretty & I might be a great conversationalist with a sense of humor but I'm not so sure it warrants that type of reaction. Men falling in love with me in 5 minutes by just having a conversation with me & not even seeing me naked? I'm highly skeptical of that claim.

I at least had sex with some of these stalkers & maybe a reaction like that afterwards is understandable. Not to brag or anything but natural redheads have some skills & I'm not exactly a slouch in that department. I could very well have spoiled a few men in my time. More than one has told me I was "the best [he] ever had."

Some of them shouldn't forget it since it seems lots of women are either super freaks or stone cold frigid. There's very little middle ground or "lady on the street, freak in the sheets" types.

I also realize there are some sexually deprived men. That's a situation I feel some sympathy towards depending on how long that's been happening. It's not always the ugly or average guys, either.

Second, I don't believe in love at first sight. In fact, I don't believe in love at all. I feel it's a term guys use when they really mean they are in lust with you. Apparently falling in lust with me is so easy, I don't even have to try to get that reaction. They seem to take one look at me, have a short conversation & BOOM! One more man enamored with me for some reason; this is why I have a Facebook fan page.

Third, I hate clingy guys just as much as your typical guy hates clingy girls. My first boyfriend Psycho Boy was such a clinger, I'd have suffocated if I'd stayed in that relationship. I felt like I was gasping for air at times. Let me tell you right now clinginess is NOT endearing, charming, flattering or romantic.

I view being clingy as the emotional equivalent of a tick on your skin. Maybe even a tick on the side of your boob like a fellow camper I bunked with once had to deal with. She couldn't even put a shirt on to go across the way to the counselors' tent. We had to go tell the counselors she needed help without having to go into graphic detail (since we liked our tent mate & weren't trying to embarrass her). Ticks are painful, always end in places you don't want them & they just cause you unnecessary stress, strife, aggravation, you get the idea. That's how I view a clingy guy.

Again, middle ground. Take an interest & give a damn if I live or die (vanishing from the radar means you will vanish from MY radar since there are always other guys & friends who contact me). But you don't have to call or text me every hour, on the hour. Once a day or once every few days is okay. I understand you have a life. I do as well. Respect it & we will be fine.

Clinging to me tells me you do NOT have a life, that you will shape your entire existence around me & I won't be flattered but will end up terrified when I need to get out of your basement b/c you have decided to kidnap me (hopefully not literally since figurative kidnapping is bad enough).

Fourth, don't beg me for sex. I think it's pathetic when a guy does that. Not sure how guys feel about girls doing that but I sure won't do it. I have never had to beg for it & I sure won't now.

I'm thinking of an episode of The Golden Girls where Blanche is out with this guy she tried to sleep with & never did. Her "the one that got away," if you will. She goes out with this guy, despite him no longer being the hottie she knew in college & finally gets fed up after asking him for the upteenth time if he wants company and gets rejected.

She goes off on him & informs him that he may not want her but she will damn well find a man who does. After she does this, she leaves the restaurant they're at and 4 guys follow her, including the check and this guy dining with another woman! At this point, I could see something like that happening to me if a guy rejected me & I'd had enough.

Finally, I like my space. In particular, I like my emotional space. No, I LOVE my emotional space.

People need it from time to time, especially when they are going through what I have but I loved my space even before that.

Those who need their space will understand what I'm saying here & those who don't will never get it. We people who love our space just need to find others who also cherish their own space & understand why you don't want to be joined at the hip 24/7.

Sometimes, I just want to be left the fuck alone. If I'm bleeding due to girl stuff, I REALLY just want to be left alone. It's called "Stay out of my face. Do not bother me & definitely don't engage me if you don't want to get injured or hear me say something you won't like."

Could anyone possibly tell me why all this stalker mess? I want to know why. Why are they all stalking ME?!?!?! Where are some rational, normal, non-clingy (but still caring) guys who also have a professional background & some ambition in life?

Aren't there other women for these guys to bother & send these impassioned "I need you" notes to? Surely I can't be the only attractive woman in NYC with naturally red hair, a career, ambition & looks. I'm not the only model; let's balance out some of this stalker shit.

Plus, I have yet to see any super hotties be stalkers. None bothering me have ever been the kind of guy women would throw their panties at "just because." Now maybe it's just that guys I find attractive haven't been the stalker type since I'm sure looks have zero to do with a guy becoming a stalker. Please tell me there are hot ones guilty of it as well.

Some of you might think "Oh, I'd love to have stalkers." No you don't. If you wanted a stalker, he wouldn't be a stalker. He'd be a guy you want to do naughty things with. Another downside to being pretty & I'm not even famous at this point. God help me if that happens. I'll need a full security staff with military gear.

Sugar Daddies & Sugar Mommies: Would You, Should You & Is There a Sexual Bias Here?

I personally don't like the term "sugar daddy." I prefer the term "benefactor."

For one thing, my father died last year & I only called him "Daddy" when I was a little kid (before all the estrangement stuff). Second, the term "sugar baby" implies you are but an underling in this whole arrangement & are basically some guy or girl's slave or toy with no rights to anything. I think the term "sugar daddy" is just too controlling for my tastes. After all, I am a feminist.

The interesting thing, though, is that I have had men approach me and volunteer to do that. One such man offered shortly after the spiritual end of my marriage. I did nothing special to make this happen; much like in regular dating, I had no particular approach other than being my normal self & sharing my own experience of the utter failure of my marriage. It's something I feel you should tell people since the pain just rolls off some people & I'm sure it's obvious with me. It felt like when it first happened, my stress/trouble/unhappiness and sorrow were just oozing off me. Sometimes we give off an aura & I think my aura was shouting "I'm in pain & I'm in trouble. Won't you help me, please?" It may still shout that, I'm not sure.

That was the first time a guy had EVER done that. This was an older gentleman but not someone completely repulsive. I also feel personality helps; if you aren't a total cretin, it can be okay.

Ultimately, I said "no" since he seemed way too controlling. For one thing, don't you ever try to dictate what I wear. I am the model. I have also been known for being a fashionista since high school, where I could buy my own clothes & had my own distinct style. They didn't give me "Best Dressed" in my high school pageant for nothing. Nor have I gotten compliments on my attire from fashion people while at fashion networking events for no reason.

The irony is I met this guy at a fashion networking event, a magazine launch party. I came in to this event with the same mission as I have at any other event: mingle, give out business cards, get to know people, have some food if it's free or a friend offers me some. Sometimes, you start seeing the same people or you get recognized.

For another, not a good plan to pressure me for exclusivity at any point in time. I wouldn't like that now, either. I've got a nearly 10 year relationship to get over, the offers seem endless & I have an aimless direction in my life now. I have no means of long term plans since I'm just trying to get through the next month. When you have to survive, you can't think that far.

My curse is that men seemingly fall in love with me without my doing much more than being myself. I've had guys get obsessed with me when I was hardly on my best behavior around them; these people definitely saw me at less than my best moments. Yeah, I'm good sexually but I don't know that it warranted some of the crazy shit I've had to deal with.

I also feel that women will get a lot more sympathy in society having a benefactor than a man would, especially if she's going through hard times. I can't imagine anyone blaming me if I took that up considering my ex stole all the money, leaving me having to do what I have to in order to survive b/c I have no family or friends in the area who can help me. Women typically have less money, more sex appeal & everyone's used to this story. It's older than the dawn of time. Famous actresses have often gotten where they are b/c of hooking up with the right rich guy who invested in a movie she wanted so she could star in it (trust me, if you've got an investor with lots of money & he wants his girlfriend in that film the average filmmaker/producer/agent is going to everything they can to get to that money; I heard some stories from the agent I worked with).

But men? I have consistently heard about how my ex really wasn't much of a man considering he bitched about his job all the time, threatened to kill himself on his way to work, did nothing to change his situation and did not give his wife "the good life" or fancy presents. Now I'm not a materialistic person, which was probably not a great idea on my part & I've since decided to consider income and finances of a potential suitor far more than I used to but that is a huge topic in many places. I even read an article today on Slate about how there are few "marriageable men" in America today b/c few have steady jobs. In fact, at least one male friend told me I deserved better & should get the finer things in life.

If my ex could get a sugar mommy, I'm sure he would have & might still do that. I now think he wanted me to do that & got all pissy b/c my career didn't start paying the money he wanted so he could sit on his butt & do nothing. Telling people about this little plan has prompted them to say "He wasn't much of a man or a husband." However, I don't think he's hot or slick enough to get away with some woman financing his life.

I also feel like most men aren't as sympathetic as women, even women who aren't facing homelessness or who've become displaced heiresses (so to speak; I feel that way sometimes). The woman trying to pursue her entertainment career is generally more sympathetic in society than the man doing the same thing. What do we call men doing such things? Gigolos, right?

Men are still expected in some corners to "take care" of women, especially in the Southern tradition I came from. A man being cared for by a woman would have his masculinity questioned & no woman would want that guy trying to leech off her (if she's smart, at least).

If I were stupid enough to even consider an exclusive relationship, much less marriage, I would not want a man leeching off me. He'd have to have his own goals, ambition & a salary suitable to take care of himself. Most men also resent & get pissy toward women who earn more than they do. One of those male pride things, I'm sure much like how they get upset if you tell them some other guy was bigger (especially if you tell him a particular guy was Godzilla's tail & he's not even close to that) or better in bed than he is or than you think he'd be.

Shockingly, I figured I wasn't the sugar daddy type since I'm not a submissive person in life or willing to let anyone dictate to me. How much money you have will never impress me; you have to actually have a personality I like & not piss me off. Am I pretty? Certainly. Would guys with means be interested in doing that? Maybe if they got to know me. Lots of guys like my "spunk" & that I take no shit off anyone. I say the things some women might not & some guy might hate me telling certain truths but I will do it. If some guy with money isn't looking for a mindless little robot or sex doll, he might be really happy with a woman like me.

I also have the whole redhead thing going for me, which a lot of girls don't. I was once told LA was a blonde's town & NYC was a brunette's town. Yeah, I stand out everywhere. I've seen redheads in NYC but no sign of my twin. Redheads also have certain truths about them that a guy is just going to have to deal with. Telling one not to have a temper is like telling the sun not to shine. In particular, telling me not to be competitive in certain ways when it comes to other chicks (or using the phrase "other bitches") is like telling a cat not to meow. That stuff doesn't work; we are like wild horses but you can't tame most of us.

My figuring was if I was going to get a sugar daddy, a few conditions would need to be met:

1. He'd have to be attractive to my eye. A guy I'd date in normal circumstances so no creepy old guys or guys who weren't my type.

2. He'd have to accept me for who I am, not try to mold me into something I'm not.

3. He'd have to respect me. I insist on that from everyone & give as good as I get. Plus, I'm nobody's $2 ho.

4. He'd have to be single or separated. Interesting how we find people in our conditions; I've met quite a few men going through their own marital breakups. There should be a club or something.

Married people who aren't in open relationships verified by wives are trouble; no one needs some bitch calling up & declaring her a homewrecker. A married man doing that to women in my condition is the worst kind of egoist; there are plenty of single women who aren't in hard times & might be perfectly okay with such things or even some other married person in similar circumstances.

5. He couldn't have young children. It's just barbaric to steal food money from kids' mouths. I may be in dire straits but that doesn't mean I have the right to make a child go without. To me, no able bodied adult has the right to do that.

6. He'd have to be someone I could talk to who valued an educated woman. Some guys don't & that simply doesn't work. I've been advised to date on "my level," as in my educational level vs. my financial level. So guys in professions like doctor or financial exec or business exec are more fitting for this.

My attitude is "Nice work if you can get it but don't become someone's robot."

As I've said before, while a person is in survival mode, you have zero right to judge them. Go walk a mile in their shoes or go do something so they don't need a benefactor. If you can't or won't do that, shut the fuck up. Otherwise you are just as bad as a pro-lifer telling a pregnant teenaged girl who's just gotten kicked out of parents' house & is living on the street to go ahead and have the baby while voting to cut welfare + not bothering to help this teenage girl in any fashion. Real nice to preach from up high when YOU aren't personally affected or having to live that life. You just look like an asshole.

I think a woman would be more likely to be forgiven for having had a sugar daddy than a man would be for having a sugar mommy, even if neither of them were in survival mode & merely wanted spa trips and designer stuff vs. getting attorneys, places to live, food, that kind of thing. Any thoughts?

Extra Gigs #7 & #8: Helping A Brother Out & Not Chasing the Fly

The next 2 extra gigs I'm going to write about were through friends. #7 was my own film company and #8 was for the aforementioned Scott Powers Studio, whom I've spoken of before in this very blog.

Gig #7 happened a couple months back when we were doing some shooting for The Butterfly Chasers, our next feature film & the first one that will contain name actors. Being on my own company's set instilled a sense of pride in me. Here's why:

1. My people are incredibly professional. Our Production Coordinator was doing an awesome job and our dear friend Jen (my CEO's significant other who should probably have some hand in casting due to ) introduced herself to everyone upon arrival. This is not something I've seen often in my own extra experiences so I'm glad she took the time to do that.

2. I got to wear an outfit that wasn't mine though our wardrobe person did compliment what I brought for the shoot. The coolest thing was when I stepped out in my dress, everyone just sort of stops, watches me & raves about how great I look. I'm just all nonchalant about it, as I often am. It always kind of shocks me at times when someone & especially when lots of people just marvel at my looks like that. Remember, I wasn't the girl who stopped traffic when I was younger so for me it's not like I generally see a supermodel when I get up in the morning or look in the mirror. When people fawn over me, especially those who could certainly stop traffic themselves, it's like "Really?! You mean ME?!"

3. Our actors aren't pretentious or douchey folk. Granted, I've not personally met any actors on sets who were douchebags & I already knew most of the people on our set but I think even a total stranger would feel the family atmosphere going on. Our people actually spoke to extras & there wasn't that "I'm better than you" vibe going on.

If you ask me, this is a testament to my CEO & my team since they don't have time for or take any mess. I certainly won't, which you know if you've read this blog or met me in real life. It's not so much everyone else is bad; it's that my team went above & beyond to make life on set happy for everyone not just the talent with lines.

Overall, this was the best experience I had & I could certainly impart tips and advice on how to do it right if you've got a small set. Want to know? Ask me.

The best part about working with my team is I already have an IMDB credit for that role.

As for gig #8, which will cover most of this post, I actually solicited for that one. I solicited for #7 as well but that was largely due to it being my company and the fact that I would always be welcome to visit the set at any time as a partner, at my leisure and on my schedule. Plus, that was a shot to see some people I don't get to see regularly.

What happened to my saying "no more?" Well, I decided to look into Scott's gig since I had never done a gig with his company and he gets the most random projects for casting. Plus, knowing his reputation and his Weekly Tips, I figured it would be a good idea for me to go on one of his projects myself to see what caliber of folk he's dealing with, explore the professionalism involved and all that good stuff.

I responded to the ad the week before since the part was tailor made for me & my experiences (my extra gigs have mostly consisted of "pretty business person" & fashionista type roles; pretty much me in real life). I got the role of fashion show attendee/designer. The call time was on a Tuesday morning at 6:30 a.m. so I got very little sleep. As in, 3-4 hours of sleep. On 5 hours, I can function pretty well. On 3-4 hours, I actually didn't do half bad.

Mercifully, the shoot was in Manhattan and at a nightclub that hasn't gotten good reviews on Yelp. The setting itself looked very nice though. Holding was on the 3rd floor of this club on a series of cushioned booth seats.

I got the call for this gig on a Sunday, believe it or not. Since I had free time on Tuesday and two pesky 3 disc CLE courses I should watch before January, I figured it might be worth considering this extra gig so I'd actually make some progress there. I was also bumped up to a higher rate because the person at Scott's office said "You've been here before right? I'm going to bump you up to the higher rate." With that offer (which I never asked for), plans for gig #8 was set in motion.

On arrival, I started watching Disc 1 of one of those CLE courses. After all, it was early in the morning (I got there 30 minutes early) and I didn't know anyone there. In fact, this was the very first extra gig I've done where someone didn't recognize me from my entertainment law/film exec life.

The wardrobe person actually picked out for me the very dress I wanted to wear that day. It's a brand new one and I have not gotten to wear it elsewhere yet. It's black with red roses on it and has a jeweled shoulder piece. When I saw it online, I had to get it. It sort of makes up for a long dress I have in a similar shade that doesn't fit me so well now. I actually wore that one in my senior class picture. You can see me in it in my senior yearbook as I'm sitting with my classmates in our gym's bleachers.

I've said before that I can not take just any old role. Here is an example of why that's so:

One of the roles to be filed for this project was for lingerie models. That is the sort of job I will not do unless it's on my own project since I get to call the shots and decide what I will or won't do if it's my project. The main reasons I won't do any old part are ethical concerns (since I'd rather not be suspended or disbarred for bringing scandal on the legal profession; you can't even be a lawyer working in a dungeon or doing soft core porn if you hope to continue working in my field so I figure it's best not to take chances) & not losing credibility as a film industry exec.

There comes a scene where the lingerie models have to swoon and be groupies to a major hip hop star. They cast a real life hip hop star for this part. That star is affiliated with a well known hip hop group. An executive member of that hip hop group is someone I have met personally & who is a close friend of my CEO's. That executive member has also said very good things about my professionalism & if asked, I'd tell you good things about him as well since I've found him to be a good person.

So imagine if I'd played one of those lingerie models. How would I be able to be the film exec/entertainment lawyer for that hip hop star if I'd been doing this extra scene where I had to play his groupie? It's not exactly outside the realm of possibility that this hip hop star could be considered for a project with my company considering this link to the executive member of that group. Can you saw "awkward?" That kind of thing would mess up my professional cred. Hence, I do not put myself in situations where that could ever be an issue. It's also why I'm extremely & mega-picky when it comes to roles for myself (aside from a spouse who wouldn't appreciate the world gawking at and trying to touch my scantily clad behind).

Another fact you should know about me & being on extra sets: I believe in the whole "extras should be seen and not heard" ethic. If you don't speak to me, I'm not speaking to you. This has been stressed a million times at Central Casting (do not bother the talent) & as a film company owner myself, it is not my intention to disrespect someone else's set. I would kill someone doing that to my team so I'm not about to do that to someone else.

Unless maybe you speak about legal stuff & you're fucking it up, you won't get me to speak. In that scenario, I figure my words would probably be welcome as well as necessary since I'm a skilled professional in that context. It would be akin to a doctor giving medical attention if someone needed it or a person giving it was about to kill the unconscious person by giving him/her the wrong drugs. I think most of us would want that doctor to intervene no matter where we or the doctor was on the food chain.

Generally though, if you want to talk to me you WILL have to talk first. I don't care if you think I'm snobby or unfriendly. You'll have to get off your duff & do something first.

I also don't do much networking on the sets. This is mostly because I do not want a flood of actors bothering me with legal stuff. As I say, I won't ask for your autograph if you don't ask me for free legal advice.

Plus, it seems I also give off the vibe of authority & capability. I like to think I also come off as a professional since it does seem every time I want to sit some days, I get asked to be in a scene. I'm like "An extra's work is never done," & go ahead. After all, that's what you're there for. I did also get fake snow dropped on me as we were doing scenes but it thankfully did not affect my dress.

The biggest take away I have from doing this extra experience: pray for the filmmakers on this set. Pray hard for the cast & crew of this film. Why do I say this? Isn't filmmaking already a hard, long endeavor taking lots of time and energy?

Yes, but I say this for a special reason: the utter unprofessionalism I saw amongst extras!

Clearly, some of these people have never worked for Central Casting. Three standouts in particular come to mind. Let's call them Bitch #1, Bitch #2 and Random Photographer.

Both Bitch #1 & #2 complain about everything the entire day. I hear them at different times of day. Bitch #2 is sitting near me in holding & when the wardrobe person says she can't wear the outfit she had on, she throws a hissy fit about it. The wardrobe person said she liked it but they can't do that b/c of the camera. Apparently, Bitch #2 has never heard that you can't wear white or red for this stuff. She was like "they should have told us no bright colors."

Granted this was not an assignment I would have recommended if you hadn't done extra work before but if you don't know something, ask questions. That's what the people at the casting company are there for. I know they're more than happy to answer questions for you since they know if you aren't happy, you will make things bad for the filmmakers & that will fall back on them. They don't want that.

And some people bitch about Central Casting treating them like children. That experience symbolizes WHY Central Casting does that! Bitch #2 is a living example of why that method works.

Later in the day, she pissed me off when I was trying to pick up my shoes and coat after they'd been moved for filming the last scene. She apparently mistook me for someone who didn't have a life and couldn't squeeze through to get things. After I squeeze by to get my stuff while she's standing in the path (it became a bit of a Mexican standoff), she goes "Oh, that's real classy." After she walks off, I say (probably not loud enough to be heard or if I was, no one commented) "Real nice to make comments like that when you don't even know who you're talking to." She moves away from that spot in holding when we're changing to leave like I care.

Then, when we're signing forms & turning in the paperwork, she harasses this poor PA to make her a copy of the time sheet so she'll have one for her records. It's not so much the asking that bothered me but just her tone & behavior w/this poor young woman. Bitch #2 claimed the jacket in her initial outfit made her look like Anna Wintour. Apparently, she thought she should behave like Anna Wintour on set.

Let me advise would be extras right now: don't behave like Anna Wintour unless you want to be blacklisted from the industry.

Bitch #1 complained on set about not being included in the bar for a scene. She alleged age discrimination against her & the older fellow extra she was talking to. For some reason, they had to occupy space near me. I overheard parts of their conversation & eventually had to move away b/c the negativity was bothering me. For those of you who think I'm a negative person because I'm angry, I think this fact might poke a few holes in that theory. I consider myself more of a realist & rational thinker who will face facts vs. someone who bitches & causes problems where none exist.

I think Bitch #1 left early because I didn't see her later as we were dressing out and leaving set for the day. Another extra informed me later that Bitch #1 openly tried telling the director how to do his job. We were sitting in the audience in that scene & I was glad he was there since guess who was sitting there before? Bitch #1!

Bitch #1 also had the gall to tell me what to do when they were placing us & I was trying to find where to sit for the scene. I hope the director ejected her; she claimed she'd been in this business for years & had experience as an extra. If you heard her, you'd have probably also concluded the same thing I did. Which was "Clearly you are still doing this because you're a whiny, complaining bitch."

The director & telling me what to do stuff happened after she was speaking of her prior experience. She was telling a few other extras about this while I was sitting nearby but not participating in the conversation.

Random Photographer is how I learned about the hip hop artist being in that scene with the lingerie models. I ended up in that scene as someone crossing in front of the action. I don't think having done that will kill my enforcer cred or power as an exec or attorney.

When the director is getting his picture taken with this gentleman, she asks for & gets a picture with him. Apparently, this major hip hop star is looking at doing more films with this director (or at least the director wanted him to) so who knows if this director might be someone I meet or draft paperwork for later on. She tells folks about this major hip hop star being there & how he was with this major rap group where we have that contact. I thought "Info to store for later."

Random photography w/the famous is also a major no-no.

A third fact about me & sets: chances are, I won't know who the hell you are unless you tell me. I don't really watch network shows & remember that as an entertainment law attorney, I'm not a fan of anyone I've not personally met or had an interaction with. You have to actually do something for me to form an impression of you, good or bad. All I know from seeing you on TV or in a movie is whether you've got any talent or not.

I have no idea what type of hell you put the director through or if you return phone calls, have some general humanity or any sense of class. If I don't know that, I'm not going to bother dealing with you or referring you to anyone. I don't care how big your name is; my team doesn't need bullshit. We'll find other names who are respectful & won't be doing things to get on my shit list (a list you do have to put some considerable effort to get onto).

As gatekeeper, I'm not letting you through if you harass, annoy or cause problems for me. This blog should show you enough evidence of how steadfast I am to that ethic. Do your research.

This also goes back to number #1 about extras being seen but not heard. If you've heard I'm some great entertainment law attorney, you'll have to talk to me. Again, I won't talk to you. I prefer online correspondence anyway.

I don't know whether Scott knows about some of this but I really hope those people weren't coming in multiple days for the director's & the PAs' sakes. If asked, I'd certainly elaborate on it.

Lastly, we were there an hour longer that told. You can imagine the carrying on that happened w/that. My main concern was if we went past 7. Since that didn't happen, it was all good.

I also came to a major decision on the whole acting thing. Basically, I decided that doing the whole "get representation" thing & spending tons of days a week working isn't going to work for me. I even said before I wasn't going to do the full time actor thing but I think that includes not getting representation.

Took me a while to come to that choice but I feel it's the best one for me. I'd rather work on my terms and do things in my own way. If someone notices me & wants to do something, I'd rather it be their choice. Essentially, I've decided not to chase the fly but to let the fly come to me instead. If it does, great. If it doesn't, no big deal. I'll get my own opportunities and do things on my time.

I had also decided not to do more extra work until I got a call during Comic Con from a casting company I'd not worked with who asked if I wanted to work next week on "The Good Wife." I also got an offer to work tomorrow but I declined in favor of going shopping with hubby and generally taking a break from the crazy that is Comic Con. More information on that one, along with an accounting of my loot later on. Boy, do I have things to write for that experience!

Sample Sales & Thrift Store Shopping: A How-To Guide

Okay, I freely admit that this might be a post that bores the hell out of you straight men & lesbians. However, since it's my blog & I do write it for my enjoyment and amusement first and foremost here we go. Plus there will definitely be some ranting along w/this little "how to."

Today, I was going to do this chocolate tour that took me ages to book but I ended up being late & missing it. Since the meeting place for the tour was at the same area as a sample sale store I knew of, I decided I'd stop in to browse there. My husband also ordered me to take some money out & "have fun."

*No worries, I'm getting a make-up day for the tour.*

One fact about me: I'm not very good at having spontaneous "fun" all by myself. I don't like spending my own money (and I especially hate wasting my own money), I'm not going to cheat on my husband (eliminating one sort of "fun" you might think of) & if I don't know where things are, I don't like to just wander aimlessly since I'll eventually get bored, exhausted, have sore feet or who knows what else (sunburn? bug bites? busted eardrums or a headache from noisy children?).

I also tend to prefer shopping online since I can find my size (a rarity in NYC unless I go to specific stores where I know they carry it), some sites have free shipping as well as returns & oftentimes, I find things online that I can't find in any store remotely near me. Seriously.

A perfect example is a long skirt slip for this long white skirt I have that's ridiculously sheer. Searched online, found a website that had the length I needed & I was good to go. No lines to fitting rooms, no spending a ton of money on transit travel to get to other areas of the city & no waiting in sweaty subway stations.

But I happened to have time on my hands so I thought "Okay, you know about these sample sales. Why not go check them out?"

For those who aren't familiar with them, here's a vocabulary lesson: a sample sale is a store or building you can go to in order to get discounted clothing. It's typically designer stuff that retails for a shit ton of money (we're talking hundreds & thousands of dollars). These are typically items from the last fashion season or so.

Here are more definitions in case you need them:

A thrift store is a place that sells clothing someone else didn't want anymore. If you're smart, you only go to the ones where they wash all donations before they hit the sales floor. Some places don't do this & especially in NYC, you do NOT want to buy something that could have bedbugs, roach eggs, etc. It will cost you dearly if you end up with some infestation b/c of clothing you bought.

Oh, and a vintage store sometimes claims to be a thrift store but it's really an overpriced place where you can buy things from the past. Unless you have a trillion dollars, are lazy or a particular store is the only place ever that has some unique, one of a kind item you'd just die if you didn't get, don't waste your time here. I typically don't.

Now that we've got that out of the way, here's some more general info on shopping outside the major chain stores or outlets for the chains.

1. If you're tiny, you probably won't find anything in your size. Why can't there be a sample sale just for women who wear my size?!?!? It feels like every sample sale I go to is overflowing with clothes that are way too big on me. Every time I see something I like at one, it's usually way too big on me. It's worse when I see something I like & there's no tag telling me what size the garment is. If I can't see a size, I'm not going to waste my time. Got that? You shouldn't either, whether it's for your or someone else.

2. Why was everything I saw at the first sale I went to (which happens regularly) so sheer? Seriously, they had $30-50 tops there & you could see my hand when I put them inside the garment to test the sheerness. In some cases, you could see the color of my hand!!

I know I can find prostitute clothing for much cheaper than at a sample sale. If you're a woman that gives a damn about not showing her bra or the color of it for the entire world, that hand trick is a good way to determine if something is too sheer. Think of it this way: if you can see your hand contours & certainly if you see your hand's color, that's what your bra will look like under that shirt.

I'm not even speaking of things that looked like club wear. This was stuff that if it had less sheerness, you could wear to work. But God forbid we women get options that don't make us look like whores.

Is this training for the new Romney led world order? Are some fashion designers taking payoffs we aren't aware of? Maybe clothing makers should hire some super frumpy women to make sure things aren't too damn sheer; then they could have something constructive to do instead of annoying the rest of us by calling for censorship of movies, television shows & shoving their mores down our throats.

3. If you are not fashionable, do not waste your time at a sample sale. You probably should also avoid thrift stores that carry lots of different types of merchandise. For those with no fashion sense, this is where that gay friend who knows how to dress comes in handy. Things usually aren't in order, there's lots of bright colors & it's easy to get overwhelmed. I realized today that I leaf through clothes on the racks like my husband leafs through comics in a cheap box. I can go through quickly & assess what would or wouldn't work for me. If you're not that good, you really shouldn't attempt it without help from someone with a fashion sense. These places do not have an abundance of sales people & chances are, there isn't going to be a sales person who can give you personal attention in your clothing selection like you'll find in a more expensive, fancy store.

Granted places like Target don't have those people either but it's much harder to mess up there. You don't need great fashion sense for any retailers that mostly sell the basics. There are tons of stuff at sample sales that are (at least in my view) so not my style & way too flashy or just doesn't look like something you should be wearing in public.

Remember, things that look good on fashion runways are not necessarily things you should wear to visit family or flirt with the UPS guy (sounds cliche, I know but I have heard of women actually doing this; I'm not one of them, though). Listen to that fashionable friend, family member, whoever you bring if you haven't got a sense of style; ideally, that person is honest & won't let you buy a fashion disaster (and I have seen a few, trust me).

4. Try things on before you buy them. If the place doesn't have a fitting room or even a curtain that fully covers a platform, you shouldn't waste your time. I realize Joyce Leslie (at least one location I know of in NYC) has a wide open dressing area for women & if you had a gym teacher you didn't like changing in front of for fear she was checking everyone out, you may be the expert on changing clothes without having to show private parts but I personally have a real problem with a place that can't be bothered to have a changing area. No self-respecting woman would buy ANYTHING she couldn't try on first, especially if she had to then take a train ride back to the store to return that item if it didn't fit her.

When I ask for a fitting room & you say you don't have one, you've officially lost my business unless I'm getting a vest, sweater, coat or something I can try on that doesn't require me to perform a strip show for you & everyone else in the store.

5. Finding things at sample sales & thrift stores is an art. It takes a lot of time, patience, knowing what looks good on you & what doesn't, knowing what you need (since I have so many clothes, I try to buy things that are different from what I already own or that will look great with at least one thing I have already), etc. You don't do it when you're in a hurry & I wouldn't recommend buying gifts for people in this manner unless the person you're buying for pointed out a specific item & said "I want that" or you know the person well enough to assess his/her taste in clothing. This is not something just anyone can do.

The second & third sample sales were better but some of this stuff did come up (things I wanted not being in my size, sheerness or something new in a piece I liked spoiled my interest). I had great luck at one sample sale but I don't think it's around anymore. Sadly, I saw yet another piece there I would have gotten but felt like it was bringing the total too high. I also once saw a white skirt at a sample sale that I still kick myself for not getting since I have yet to see another one in the same style.

The last piece of guidance I can give on thrift store & sample sale shopping is that if you see something that you absolutely MUST have, get it since you might not see it again. I seriously still kick myself for not buying one of these really cute 80s style prom dresses I saw at my local Urban Outfitters in Atlanta before I moved. I didn't want to spend $50 on one (I was trying to save money since I had to quit my job to go to law school) but then I never saw them at any other one & didn't find an 80s style prom dress until years later at a thrift store in NYC. If you think there's any chance you'll be kicking yourself if you don't get something, that means you need to get it.

Faux Unions, the Straightjacket and Close Calls

So, my life may be facing yet more upheaval. My husband's employer has decided to arbitrarily force the librarians to transfer to other places for no rational reason other than to apparently make them quit, piss off the public (who'll have to deal with angry workers who don't want to be there) and be assholes. They were also given zero notice of this & a little sheep who will now be known as "Little Bitch" had the nerve to try & censor me when I made a general remark about my personal availability for an unrelated event. She had zero authority to do it & I responded as I always have and always will to that kind of shit.

This union, who I'm pretty sure I've mentioned before, is completely useless & may as well not even be there with the submitting they do. Not to mention the management at this place is so grossly incompetent, I wouldn't trust them to care for a cactus or watch a pile of dog crap turn white.

Someone who has worked there for 15 years even got one of these notices. As usual, they're doing it all by seniority & forcing people to work with XYZ person regardless of what a bitch/bastard XYZ is, how many problems XYZ has caused in the past & how incompetent XYZ is. I think people working there could keep their jobs even if they rape a lower ranking co-worker considering they allow racists & incompetents to continue there.

I don't think these idiots are aware of my being a lawyer or the fact that I have quite a few friends who have been absolutely disgusted by the situation. I have encouraged people to go & contact this library director personally and dial direct on his sorry ass. Listen, fucker if you're going to make decisions affecting the general public (which includes ME) you need to be held accountable and action needs to be taken against you. Furthermore, try putting my husband in some ghetto hellhole & see what happens to you.

I know these fuckers don't value the lives of their employees or their kids (they're also changing the shifts to 11-7 p.m. every weekday for most of these branches, regardless of the fact that no daycare center in Queens is open later than 6:30 at night). Being totally brazen against a lawyer like me, however, is a new level of stupid that's just going to lead to death. Little Bitch has already caused problems for herself & is clearly not capable of any real responsibility since she can't actually face anyone directly, slacks off during working hours (as evidenced by her actions on a non-work related social media platform) & is apparently wasting our taxpayer dollars playing Administrative Tattletale/PR Queen/Censorship Police. Oh, and neither Little Bitch nor anyone else at that place has any right to censor the free speech rights of people who don't work there or punish their family/friends for the exercise of those free speech rights. I found this out for certain.

I dare Little Bitch to try shit with me. She can become a casualty as well & I will have zero qualms about it. After all, she rolled out the red carpet for trouble to come charging in. If anyone transfers my husband to some hellhole, they'll also be inviting trouble on themselves & perhaps their families as well. Have no regard for mine & I won't give a damn about yours. Why should I?

In case you're new to reading this blog, let me pass on some free advice. There are certain types of people you don't fuck with. Some examples:

1. Lawyers
2. Natural redheads
3. Anyone who works behind the scenes in the entertainment industry whether a producer, agent, director, executive, anyone who deals with a lot of BS & won't stand for it
4. People who have nothing left to work for or aspire to that will help society
5. People who have been kicked around forever; eventually, those people snap
6. Quiet types
7. Loners

How many murderers and serial killers fit at least one of these categories? How many violent crimes could be explained by one of these categories? When someone fits more of those categories, that means you don't fuck w/the person times a trillion. Add up those trillions for each category the person falls into & that's how much you should be avoiding problems with that person.

I know forcing involuntary servitude on folk will backfire & in a powerful way. Whether I'm in the thick of it or not depends on if I get to have the luxury of having something to aspire to & reasons to care about concepts like law and order.

Clearly, I'm not the sort of person who should ever have a union job. At least not one with this union. Actually, you should call it a faux union since they have a no strike clause. Do you need any more reasons to call it that?

For that matter, any union that has a no strike clause shouldn't even exist. My mother, herself an employee of UPS where the drivers have a union that actually works for THEM, even said that if you have a no strike clause, you have zero protection against management abuses. Imagine where SAG/AFTRA, the Teamsters or any other entertainment union would be if they had no strike clauses in their contracts. Who would join those? My husband didn't voluntarily join his; he was forced in. Nor did he ever vote for this "no strike" shit. Only a moron or someone taking kickbacks would support that. Funny but if I were taking kickbacks or anyone else I knew in the legal field were doing it, we'd be disbarred, suspended or at least publicly censured for it.

So as I left town I had to deal with that bullshit. Not Little Bitch but the whole news aspect; I vowed not to let Galante ruin my trip or send off (he's the prick responsible for this who performed his one humane act for me personally many years ago by passing on my husband's information to the proper person). I was going to see family members I care about. Decided it was better to call it a trip not a vacation. A "vacation" implies that your journey will be relaxing & free of stress. That's definitely not the case when I go to NC.

When I go to NC, I feel like I'm in a straightjacket. Not a literal one but at least a metaphorical one. Though this time, maybe it was closer to literal since my sister & mother were trying to play fashion cop with me. Apparently, their hometown should be renamed to "Frumptown" or "Frumpville." Something with the word "frump" in it.

Being in that town makes me want to listen to Prince constantly as well as any sexually explicit song that's not okay for kids to listen to. Is it my relatives or is it the whole social climate down there? I'm not quite sure.

First off, when it's hot outside I'm not killing myself with layers or wearing a burka. I'm not Muslim or even a practicing Christian. I'm not practicing any religion.

Second, I also have horribly sensitive skin & hate getting sweat zits. They hurt.

Third, I'm an adult well over the age of 21. I have my own money & should be entitled to wear what I damn well please.

Fourth, I have the figure for shorter things, have never been mistaken for a prostitute & even if I want to dress like one, is it not my choice? Do I not get a right to be sexy once in a while? I won't have a figure forever so why shouldn't I get to enjoy it while I have it?

Fifth, I'm childfree. Here's another perk of being childfree: you don't have to dress like an old person when you aren't one & don't even look like one.

Finally, I live in New York Fucking City! Nothing I own is nearly as bad as countless things I've seen people wear. Even going naked or topless might not shock many New Yorkers though I wouldn't do full nudity. I've considered going topless on excruciating days (since it's not illegal to do it in NYC unless you're advertising) but I hate getting sunburn & know I would in a second if I did do that. Not to mention all the hassle I get anyway.

With it being in the 90s, I was wearing some new short shorts I got last year & a top I wore before my sister's wedding in a different color. This prompted a bunch of hand wringing, utter sexism and being told I should dress all boring because of my 8 year old nephew. I think them initiating this conversation in front of him was probably worse than anything I could have worn. Not to mention that my nephew will likely learn more bad things from his own parents & television than he'll ever get from being around me, a relative he rarely sees. I even pointed this out to my mother, who did give me that point.

I asked if my sister plays fashion police with everyone who comes to her house & everyone who appears in public around her kids. Can you imagine walking up to strangers & telling them their top shows too much cleavage for your precious little babies? How about actually being a decent parent? My mom was like "Oh, no one dresses like that." I said that the majority of my sister's friends are parents; I'm childfree & that's one of the perks.

My sister even had the nerve to say she couldn't believe my husband "lets [me] go out like that." Pissed me off. I pointed out that my husband doesn't "let" me do anything since I'm an adult & we treat each other as such. Plus, I've gotten hit on & harassed while wearing pajamas, grubbies and my working clothes at Godiva. No cleavage or excessive leg showing necessary. Therefore, no sense in demanding me to dress like a frump. I'll get hit on anyway. My husband also knows this & accepts that reality just as I do. If that's the case, why not let me dress to my comfort & taste?

Plus, I was supposed to be relaxing and on a pleasure trip not going to work or a business function. Why should I have to wear anything different in my "off" time? I'm also at the point in my life where I insist on being myself around people who claim to care about me, including relatives considering I'm an adult & feel it's artificial of me to be something I'm not. How can you have a real connection with someone if you can't even be yourself around them? I feel you can't. What's the point in preserving such a relationship?

My mom said that apparently I scare the country boys in her area since they're not used to women dressing like me.

If we could apply that to my hometown, maybe that explains why I couldn't buy a date there while I had to practically get a stick to beat guys off from college onward. I also said when my family visits me, I should demand that they dress like they're in NYC if they're going to insist that I dress like someone in their area. Adapt to MY culture, damn it! I'd at least get a laugh from it. At least they will take public transit & aren't assholes to gay people. Nor do they go lecture strangers but apparently, they find it okay to lecture to me.

I'm still hardcore childfree, by the way. Oh, yes!! I love my niece & nephews (especially the eldest since I can talk to him and he actually cared about my presence) but no way could I do what my sister's doing. I've not got the patience for little kids and both my mother & sister seemed to get all offended because I yelled at my over 2 year old nephew for screaming at random. First off, I don't hang around small kids on a regular basis. Second, I do have eardrums & if you're screaming a short distance from them human nature is to react. Third, being around small kids is emotionally exhausting for me & if I had to parent them it would be worse. Not something that interests me (never an interest of mine, in fact) & I feel that's a task for people who actually want to do it, not someone who'd resent it like I would.

Oh, and you may like this if you're childfree.

If you want to kill someone's libido though, small kids work pretty well. Maybe that's another reason I'm not interested; I'm not about to give up my sex life. Remember, my marriage isn't typical & I'm rebellious by nature. Sex was a huge forbidden zone topic in my upbringing; compared to the women in my immediate family, I may as well be a former prostitute even though my experience is closer to that of the average person.

Speaking of people who might as well be prostitutes, seems it's a good thing I got rid of last year's black hole. The attempted wedding wrecker apparently learned nothing & is still doing the same shit. Only now she's pregnant, this guy is unemployed & somehow, women are dropping their panties for him like he's Hugh Heffner instead of an unemployed illegal with a baby mama.

Tell me something: if you're going to debase yourself for some guy, why would you ever do it for an unemployed guy with zero ambition? I think debasing yourself for anyone is a shitty idea but if you're going to do it, why would you not at least pick a guy with money, fame or something scarce? Some people seriously need to expand their social circles & raise their standards a little; you can find good sex & you can certainly find a guy with enough, if you get my meaning. I do know of some single male attorneys; I'm sure some of them will happily treat you like shit & at least not be around enough to get on your nerves. Perhaps they'd even pay for dates & might buy you presents; not all of them are unemployed or making poverty wages after paying student loan debts. It just occurs to me that I bet this guy doesn't even pay for dates with my former friend.

Shallow things to concern yourself with but it just piles onto the whole "Why debase yourself for someone?" issue. Felt like I had a close call there but I can't be friends with someone who changes into a person I not only don't recognize but can't even respect.

Getting to NC was also a close call experience. My train was about 3 hours late (I won't fly b/c they also have delays & I won't subject myself to a strip search/grope fest/invasive bullshit that violates basic civil liberties & brands me as a criminal with no proof to get on a plane). One of those delays was due to some trees that fell on the tracks. We were literally 7 minutes away from the station I had to get off at & we had to wait for what felt like ages. It's worse when your cell phone has died, you left your charger at home & you don't have internet access to send e-mail. At least I was in business class (if you can afford it, I highly recommend it to save yourself time & heartaches) so they did give us updates.

Apparently, if we'd been there 20 minutes earlier one of these trees could have fallen on our heads. After hearing that, I thought "This has to be a sign that things will work out in my life. Otherwise, God, what was the point of sparing my life today if it's all going to fall apart in two weeks?" If God sees everything, then God knows how you're going to react to things already.

More points on religion that I never got: no one ever believes a gay relationship/marriage or an abortion were part of God's plans for anyone. Either God is the ultimate mastermind & everything you do is part of the plan (including all this "sinful" stuff) or God's an observer who casts people off to Hell for violating things that don't make sense and were probably distorted by sexist white guys who had some power in biblical times. Make up your mind; I don't have a stake here. This is part of my late night contemplating. Whether things actually work out remain to be seen. You'll either get to see the rise or the fall.

General Musings Part 20

Can't believe I'm at part 20 already. Okay then, sit back because there are a LOT of articles today.

First off, this author of this piece is a total tool. I saw nothing in here about improved public transit or any effort to increase it in light of $5 gas. As long as you've got oil lobbyists controlling government and getting tax breaks, there's nothing good about gas prices squeezing out poor people from mainstream society and turning the middle class into indentured servants.

Oh, and no one will have any money to shop locally when they can not get employment since all the jobs are located in areas where you have to drive & pay for $5 a gallon gasoline. These so-called "benefits" do us no good when the average person can't survive without becoming a beggar on the street.

Not to mention that it wouldn't change the existence of pedophiles, PC hysteria, helicopter parents, crime, etc. In fact, most people will still have to drive fuel inefficient cars because they will be less likely to have the money to upgrade to a car with higher gas mileage even if they want to.

So until you get the oil companies & interests out of government, invest in new technologies and put funding into public transit akin to that in Europe and Japan (which make NYC's subway system & Amtrak look prehistoric by comparison), stop being a pro-oil company profiteering cheerleader. It's unflattering, elitist and could get you lynched in some neighborhoods.

The lack of guaranteed efficient public transit improvement to all the boroughs (not just Manhattan) is also why I did not support the congestion pricing plan in NYC.

Seeing this makes me feel a little optimistic but the fact remains that entrepreneurs and small businesses are not being helped by this current government's regime. So many things need to be done to fix things, it's not funny but I'm sure people more knowledgeable than me can come up with the bulk of it.

One suggestion is not subjecting college students & grad students to non-discharegable loan debt that's as large as most home mortgages. There needs to be serious reform instead of making people debt slaves for the next 20+ years. If any of these politicians really valued education, they'd be pushing for that change & telling the banks to suck it. Maybe they'd think twice about who they gave student loan money to if this happened. Again, lobbyists & interests ruining everything.

But at least there is one instance of a government doing something right. Yeah, yeah, employers getting around it...blah blah blah. Thanks for saying something, though. Maybe it will make others follow suit, though I think the fines ought to be a lot higher (say $10,000 then $50,000 for subsequent offenses). That would get a point across. I don't notice small businesses doing this nearly as much as large, multi-million dollar corporations.

We also have an EEOC, employers. Read it, embrace it, love it. Because otherwise, it's just a matter of time before you get in trouble for violating it & I'd likely have zero sympathy.

Oh, but the BS! It continues!

Not sure if I've ranted about this particular interview question but employers, just give it up already. The "biggest weakness" question is nothing more than an attempt to learn how manipulative the applicant is & how good they are at reciting societal bullshit.

Seriously, if you're asking this question & expecting honesty, you're naive at best. You know you're not getting an honest answer to this one. If you get pissed by the "I work too hard" or "I'm a perfectionist" response, then you're an even bigger douchebag than you were when you asked the question.

If you want a lesson on shortcomings & how one improved, why not just ask about that? Hmmm...that would be HONEST.

That would get the answer you're looking for.

That would save everyone the time of this little pretense & mind game.

Why the hell would you ask an interview applicant that one?!? Shouldn't you be asking their references or past employers about it? I think they'd be a tad more objective & have records in front of them to support the answer, don't you?

And what about people with delusions of grandeur or who are sociopaths? You're just discriminating against them by asking them about their weaknesses since they don't believe they have any.

They should form a class action & file a lawsuit against any employer asking this one. Being a sociopath is a mental condition, you know & people do seek treatment for that stuff. I'd like to see this one as an ADA discrimination claim; that would put this asinine question in the grave once & for all. Hey, if we can have some of the bullshit that has become lawsuits, there's nothing to stop this one from being a viable legal claim if you have the right plaintiffs!

I also saw this career article on what not to wear to an interview. Here's the simple answer, at least as I see it: anything reflecting that you have a personality. No, no don't show a personality. Be a robot!

Thank God I take steps to vet potential employers & avoid interviews for any job where I'm expected to be a robot. I simply ask what I should wear to the interview so I'm not overly dressy or intimidating since female lawyers have enough problems without me playing to stereotypes of being frumpy and fashion clueless.

Oh, and this is one more thing that irks me about the education system. I'm pretty sure the high school children have heard far worse at home or speak even more graphically in the hallways. For all you know, some of these children are already sexually active & you're going to fine this teacher for "using curse words in front of kids?"

Gee, I'd swear this happened in Mississippi or even NC instead of Manhattan. In some circles in the South, cursing is tantamount to treason. Using the "f-word" is as bad as murdering someone. I'm surprised no one's been incarcerated down there for saying it on the public streets; they probably would be if we didn't have 1st Amendment lawsuits on it.

More asinine censorship:

* A man in the UK was arrested for singing the song "Kung Fu Fighting" because some Chinese man & his mother were offended. If you'd have been "offended" in America (particularly NYC or more vocal places in the South), you'd have been told off by the audience & if the singer saw you, you'd be told to get over yourself (actually, it might be "Fuck you" in NYC or Jersey). Now if this singer were telling the crowd to murder Chinese people, that's a different story.

But singing a song you don't like? I just wonder when some whiny PC obsessed jerkwad is going to try that in America.

If we started going down that route, we'd have no classic cinema, music or anything else because racism has been alive and well since those long before those mediums were born. Oh, and everyone's offended by something. Live your life trying to find something to be offended by & you'll certainly find it. I'm offended by people who do nothing but bitch about everything & make zero effort to do something about it. I'm also offended by these busybodies daring to tell me what I can or can't hear, watch, read, listen to, whatever by filing lawsuits to suppress what THEY don't like.

If you want to live in a bubble away from mainstream society, I suggest you form your own religious community like the Amish or particular Mormon sects (or move to an island where you'll be the only one there, whatever).

Otherwise, get the hell over yourself and shut up unless someone attacks you or your loved ones personally (and I mean a real attack not "pulling the race card" bullshit). Get some earplugs, change the channel & go on your merry way.

* Fox is apparently not showing this hurricane themed animation block tonight because of the recent storms in the South. Thankfully, none of that hit my family members.

You know something, though? Maybe some of the people in the South who lost things might have appreciated some humor in their lives. It might have made them laugh and feel a little better. Did you ever think of that? I think this is just yet another instance of asinine censorship garbage that's catering far too much to the PC crowd.

Have the people who made this call ever watched these shows? PC they aren't. Why worry about offending anyone now considering some of the jokes on Family Guy? Can't speak for The Cleveland Show or American Dad so much since I don't really watch them anymore (stopped after 1 season) but yeah, this is just stupid.

If you'd be offended by that or think "oh, it's in poor taste" then you have never watched Family Guy in the first place & likely wouldn't start watching it anyway.

* But here is much worse overly PC garbage. Apparently, you shouldn't call your dog or cat a "pet." Seriously, read this.

Yeah, my cat has never complained about being called a "pet." If anything, I think this encourages people to assign human qualities to their animals which is just as bad. A classic example of why this is bad is the show Fatal Attractions on Animal Planet. Stupid humans want to go around assigning human qualities and motivations to their dogs, cats, snakes, bears, chimps, tigers, etc. while ignoring the fact that you are dealing with a dog, cat, snake, bear, chimp, tiger, etc. They have instincts, drives and other characters that make up their species & will never be humans.

They don't want to go vegan, need to be entertained every 5 seconds, want to wear clothes, socialize with other animals (my cat, at least), or go to school to learn the alphabet. Treat the animal like its species: I love my cat dearly & let's face it, cats own you but I know he's a cat. I don't have to cook his meat or put him on a vegan diet. Cats are carnivores: vegan diets would hurt them. I'm not going to dress him up or walk him on a leash. You can bond with animals and mourn their loss as companions but stop trying to make them into furry humans! They don't want or appreciate it. My cat would be offended if I treated him like a human; he expects better than that.

My cat wouldn't give a damn if I called him my pet, critter, fuzzy beast, etc. As long as I feed him, let him snuggle on me, scratch his head & tell him what a good cat he is, he could care less what I refer to him as if I'm not directly talking to him. Yes, I've talked to every cat I've ever had & if you don't like it, piss off you animal hating jerkoff!

And he IS a fuzzy beast since he does kill things (which is one reason we love him). He's usually "Mr. Cat" or given deferential titles. I just think this article goes too far & encourages some other bad human behavior. Just makes you wish for a flaming stick to beat the offenders with.

Finally, I saw this article on supervised teen drinking. Personally, I think the drinking age should be lowered to 18 and we should have a more European attitude about the whole thing. This coming from the child of an alcoholic. I realize not everyone who drinks is an alcoholic & not all people who drink become fight picking jerks who put their fists into walls or throw things at people (yes, my father did do this stuff).

The reason I think that should happen is the high rate of binge drinking and the idea that if you ban something so hard, you make it that much more of a curiosity and alluring to the person who can't get it. How many stories are there about pastor's kids who are total hellions either as teens or once they get out from under their parents' roofs? I certainly rebelled some when I left home. It's probably why I dated in college and why I have different attitudes about sex than most of my family. If there isn't some balance in the home and some room to deal with kids rebelling, you're just going to have an out of control hellion on your hands sooner or later. So many people I knew who went to the religious private school I went to had their rebellious moments & many ended up in major life situations. If my mother had continued being as strict when I was a teenager, I'd have probably gotten a police record, become a teen mom, skipped school or God knows what else.

If that's not proof moderation is better than outright authoritarianism, I don't know what else you need. I think the drinking age should be 18 since if you can be drafted, go to college, etc. you can get alcohol from older friends anyway. Plus, tons of kids over 18 have opportunities to drink and it's foolish to think that they don't, especially if they're in college and living far away from home.

Otherwise, let's move the age of adulthood to 21.