Captain Obvious?? Maybe. But if you have ANY shred of Charlotte York in you, you have no business living in Manhattan or dating there if you want to find a Prince Charming sort of guy. Let's establish a few things first:
You may be asking "Who's Charlotte York?" For those of you not old enough to remember the show or who never saw it because you're a straight guy, Charlotte York is a character from the HBO show "Sex & the City" of the late 90s/early 00s. Charlotte was the "Sex & the City" posse member who was the least slutty. Actually, Charlotte wasn't really slutty at all. She was this idealist with high hopes of meeting the man of her dreams and getting married. Charlotte had some idealist notions and could easily have been a Southern belle if she'd grown up in the South + had even a Southern inflection. Of the 4 stars, Charlotte was the most traditional. Charlotte was the woman who found herself in situations the other characters were less phased by and really felt "ick" about them but managed not to be a 24/7 judgmental prick. I like to think she was the romantic one. Most women know a Charlotte York or have some Charlotte York in them; it's part of our culture and the "happily ever after" of fairy tale romance.
Now why do I say "don't bother dating in NYC if you've got any Charlotte York in you"? Here goes:
1. Most of us want to commit to a guy with ambition and a career path. Those guys are either busy toiling in offices, traveling all over the place or are complete douchebags who view women as nothing more than walking sex robots (see finance bros for one such archetype).
2. If those guys are in town & meeting our looks standards, they are usually married/in a relationship or so tired from working to afford housing/food/other stuff in NYC that costs far more than elsewhere that they aren't in the mood if they actually get any quality of life hours. One friend familiar with this had to explain "coke dick" to me, a drug some people take to stay awake for those long hours of work.
3. NYC is not a place for those who aren't ambitious. Problem is, if you're not a retired person or don't want to date guys old enough to be your father then you are either stuck with dudes who are never around or unemployed bums who are always around. Or you get the resentful guys who aren't doing as well as you on career & will eventually take it out on you if you get successful or have success in some fashion.
I'm here not even able to find a dedicated FWB meeting my standards of living nearby, actually being in town at least 8 months out of the year, having or finding the time to meet me at least once a week, being my equal on the looks & intelligence scales and treating me as a lady instead of some sex robot. Since the painfulness of my divorce, I've gone more to my old self.
My old self was not a prude but it wasn't completely devoid of standards either. It's interesting I met Mr. Big Stuff when I was in Phase 1 of the divorce; if he'd met me as my normal self, not only would I have thought he didn't legitimately like me if he'd approached me but I might have been too conservative for him. I'm not in the best mood with him right now since he asked me about doing something that while it was reasonable terms, was something this "nice girl" just can't get behind and it made her wonder how he's seeing her. I wouldn't care to have some guy view me as a prostitute he has his way with then throws away like garbage. Even a self-confessed wannabe Charlie Sheen like Captain Horndog (at least if Charlie Sheen was sober) didn't throw me away like garbage, maybe because I made him promise not to have anything of that nature happening affect our longtime friendship & he might actually be scared of me (he's told me he was before). The scariest was hearing guys I met in Phase 1 of my divorce tell me they never thought I was a slut or easy even though I was trying very hard to wash away the memory of my ex-husband.
As for my ex-husband, I didn't meet him while living in NYC. I met him when I was living in CT & he was living in Long Island. We married when I was living in CT and he moved into my apartment, where we lived together for a time then moved to NYC together (Queens, to be precise). He was not a fan of Manhattan & said he wanted to live in Queens where his "people" were. If he's dating to this day, I'm certain he's not dating some trust funder in Manhattan; I'd question that woman's sanity & standards.
The upside of dating post-divorce is that I have gotten to be involved with much hotter guys than I was the first time I was single. Lately when I went places and noticed some hot guy, that hot guy ended up talking to me. I met such a guy at this speed dating event on my birthday proper after I'd turned in my paper for matches (he'd not talked to me during the event) but he approached me after the event. Having the Bipolar Fraud from a couple years ago approach me was also a great ego boost; my psyche is being healed with guys I consider cute approaching me. It's brought them down to earth & given me more confidence to own my looks, which is a very good thing in my opinion since we should all own who we are vs. being shamed into dulling our light for others.
The problem is none of the hotties with good jobs seem to be available physically or emotionally in the long term. This would be unacceptable to the Charlotte Yorks of the world. I'm thinking it's more highlighted in a big city but it's like "You can't even get a dedicated FWB. What the HELL is this?!?!?" Maybe if somebody convinced me I wasn't just going to be dumped again or lied to once again, I could consider marriage after a lot of trust being established and built but I'm just not there with anybody at this point. I feel like that's never going to happen and I'm done with being with someone just because I'm flattered they paid attention to me or wanted ANY attention vs. the right kind of attention.
I'm not sure any sane, straight men fitting my level of looks or intelligence have any Charlotte York in them. I've seen they're not all wannabe Charlie Sheen but I can't deal with wimps either. The only guy I've met who might have that lives further into New Jersey and is super busy (but not too busy as he's one of my great fans & champions).
Friday, March 1, 2019
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