So, my life may be facing yet more upheaval. My husband's employer has decided to arbitrarily force the librarians to transfer to other places for no rational reason other than to apparently make them quit, piss off the public (who'll have to deal with angry workers who don't want to be there) and be assholes. They were also given zero notice of this & a little sheep who will now be known as "Little Bitch" had the nerve to try & censor me when I made a general remark about my personal availability for an unrelated event. She had zero authority to do it & I responded as I always have and always will to that kind of shit.
This union, who I'm pretty sure I've mentioned before, is completely useless & may as well not even be there with the submitting they do. Not to mention the management at this place is so grossly incompetent, I wouldn't trust them to care for a cactus or watch a pile of dog crap turn white.
Someone who has worked there for 15 years even got one of these notices. As usual, they're doing it all by seniority & forcing people to work with XYZ person regardless of what a bitch/bastard XYZ is, how many problems XYZ has caused in the past & how incompetent XYZ is. I think people working there could keep their jobs even if they rape a lower ranking co-worker considering they allow racists & incompetents to continue there.
I don't think these idiots are aware of my being a lawyer or the fact that I have quite a few friends who have been absolutely disgusted by the situation. I have encouraged people to go & contact this library director personally and dial direct on his sorry ass. Listen, fucker if you're going to make decisions affecting the general public (which includes ME) you need to be held accountable and action needs to be taken against you. Furthermore, try putting my husband in some ghetto hellhole & see what happens to you.
I know these fuckers don't value the lives of their employees or their kids (they're also changing the shifts to 11-7 p.m. every weekday for most of these branches, regardless of the fact that no daycare center in Queens is open later than 6:30 at night). Being totally brazen against a lawyer like me, however, is a new level of stupid that's just going to lead to death. Little Bitch has already caused problems for herself & is clearly not capable of any real responsibility since she can't actually face anyone directly, slacks off during working hours (as evidenced by her actions on a non-work related social media platform) & is apparently wasting our taxpayer dollars playing Administrative Tattletale/PR Queen/Censorship Police. Oh, and neither Little Bitch nor anyone else at that place has any right to censor the free speech rights of people who don't work there or punish their family/friends for the exercise of those free speech rights. I found this out for certain.
I dare Little Bitch to try shit with me. She can become a casualty as well & I will have zero qualms about it. After all, she rolled out the red carpet for trouble to come charging in. If anyone transfers my husband to some hellhole, they'll also be inviting trouble on themselves & perhaps their families as well. Have no regard for mine & I won't give a damn about yours. Why should I?
In case you're new to reading this blog, let me pass on some free advice. There are certain types of people you don't fuck with. Some examples:
1. Lawyers
2. Natural redheads
3. Anyone who works behind the scenes in the entertainment industry whether a producer, agent, director, executive, anyone who deals with a lot of BS & won't stand for it
4. People who have nothing left to work for or aspire to that will help society
5. People who have been kicked around forever; eventually, those people snap
6. Quiet types
7. Loners
How many murderers and serial killers fit at least one of these categories? How many violent crimes could be explained by one of these categories? When someone fits more of those categories, that means you don't fuck w/the person times a trillion. Add up those trillions for each category the person falls into & that's how much you should be avoiding problems with that person.
I know forcing involuntary servitude on folk will backfire & in a powerful way. Whether I'm in the thick of it or not depends on if I get to have the luxury of having something to aspire to & reasons to care about concepts like law and order.
Clearly, I'm not the sort of person who should ever have a union job. At least not one with this union. Actually, you should call it a faux union since they have a no strike clause. Do you need any more reasons to call it that?
For that matter, any union that has a no strike clause shouldn't even exist. My mother, herself an employee of UPS where the drivers have a union that actually works for THEM, even said that if you have a no strike clause, you have zero protection against management abuses. Imagine where SAG/AFTRA, the Teamsters or any other entertainment union would be if they had no strike clauses in their contracts. Who would join those? My husband didn't voluntarily join his; he was forced in. Nor did he ever vote for this "no strike" shit. Only a moron or someone taking kickbacks would support that. Funny but if I were taking kickbacks or anyone else I knew in the legal field were doing it, we'd be disbarred, suspended or at least publicly censured for it.
So as I left town I had to deal with that bullshit. Not Little Bitch but the whole news aspect; I vowed not to let Galante ruin my trip or send off (he's the prick responsible for this who performed his one humane act for me personally many years ago by passing on my husband's information to the proper person). I was going to see family members I care about. Decided it was better to call it a trip not a vacation. A "vacation" implies that your journey will be relaxing & free of stress. That's definitely not the case when I go to NC.
When I go to NC, I feel like I'm in a straightjacket. Not a literal one but at least a metaphorical one. Though this time, maybe it was closer to literal since my sister & mother were trying to play fashion cop with me. Apparently, their hometown should be renamed to "Frumptown" or "Frumpville." Something with the word "frump" in it.
Being in that town makes me want to listen to Prince constantly as well as any sexually explicit song that's not okay for kids to listen to. Is it my relatives or is it the whole social climate down there? I'm not quite sure.
First off, when it's hot outside I'm not killing myself with layers or wearing a burka. I'm not Muslim or even a practicing Christian. I'm not practicing any religion.
Second, I also have horribly sensitive skin & hate getting sweat zits. They hurt.
Third, I'm an adult well over the age of 21. I have my own money & should be entitled to wear what I damn well please.
Fourth, I have the figure for shorter things, have never been mistaken for a prostitute & even if I want to dress like one, is it not my choice? Do I not get a right to be sexy once in a while? I won't have a figure forever so why shouldn't I get to enjoy it while I have it?
Fifth, I'm childfree. Here's another perk of being childfree: you don't have to dress like an old person when you aren't one & don't even look like one.
Finally, I live in New York Fucking City! Nothing I own is nearly as bad as countless things I've seen people wear. Even going naked or topless might not shock many New Yorkers though I wouldn't do full nudity. I've considered going topless on excruciating days (since it's not illegal to do it in NYC unless you're advertising) but I hate getting sunburn & know I would in a second if I did do that. Not to mention all the hassle I get anyway.
With it being in the 90s, I was wearing some new short shorts I got last year & a top I wore before my sister's wedding in a different color. This prompted a bunch of hand wringing, utter sexism and being told I should dress all boring because of my 8 year old nephew. I think them initiating this conversation in front of him was probably worse than anything I could have worn. Not to mention that my nephew will likely learn more bad things from his own parents & television than he'll ever get from being around me, a relative he rarely sees. I even pointed this out to my mother, who did give me that point.
I asked if my sister plays fashion police with everyone who comes to her house & everyone who appears in public around her kids. Can you imagine walking up to strangers & telling them their top shows too much cleavage for your precious little babies? How about actually being a decent parent? My mom was like "Oh, no one dresses like that." I said that the majority of my sister's friends are parents; I'm childfree & that's one of the perks.
My sister even had the nerve to say she couldn't believe my husband "lets [me] go out like that." Pissed me off. I pointed out that my husband doesn't "let" me do anything since I'm an adult & we treat each other as such. Plus, I've gotten hit on & harassed while wearing pajamas, grubbies and my working clothes at Godiva. No cleavage or excessive leg showing necessary. Therefore, no sense in demanding me to dress like a frump. I'll get hit on anyway. My husband also knows this & accepts that reality just as I do. If that's the case, why not let me dress to my comfort & taste?
Plus, I was supposed to be relaxing and on a pleasure trip not going to work or a business function. Why should I have to wear anything different in my "off" time? I'm also at the point in my life where I insist on being myself around people who claim to care about me, including relatives considering I'm an adult & feel it's artificial of me to be something I'm not. How can you have a real connection with someone if you can't even be yourself around them? I feel you can't. What's the point in preserving such a relationship?
My mom said that apparently I scare the country boys in her area since they're not used to women dressing like me.
If we could apply that to my hometown, maybe that explains why I couldn't buy a date there while I had to practically get a stick to beat guys off from college onward. I also said when my family visits me, I should demand that they dress like they're in NYC if they're going to insist that I dress like someone in their area. Adapt to MY culture, damn it! I'd at least get a laugh from it. At least they will take public transit & aren't assholes to gay people. Nor do they go lecture strangers but apparently, they find it okay to lecture to me.
I'm still hardcore childfree, by the way. Oh, yes!! I love my niece & nephews (especially the eldest since I can talk to him and he actually cared about my presence) but no way could I do what my sister's doing. I've not got the patience for little kids and both my mother & sister seemed to get all offended because I yelled at my over 2 year old nephew for screaming at random. First off, I don't hang around small kids on a regular basis. Second, I do have eardrums & if you're screaming a short distance from them human nature is to react. Third, being around small kids is emotionally exhausting for me & if I had to parent them it would be worse. Not something that interests me (never an interest of mine, in fact) & I feel that's a task for people who actually want to do it, not someone who'd resent it like I would.
Oh, and you may like this if you're childfree.
If you want to kill someone's libido though, small kids work pretty well. Maybe that's another reason I'm not interested; I'm not about to give up my sex life. Remember, my marriage isn't typical & I'm rebellious by nature. Sex was a huge forbidden zone topic in my upbringing; compared to the women in my immediate family, I may as well be a former prostitute even though my experience is closer to that of the average person.
Speaking of people who might as well be prostitutes, seems it's a good thing I got rid of last year's black hole. The attempted wedding wrecker apparently learned nothing & is still doing the same shit. Only now she's pregnant, this guy is unemployed & somehow, women are dropping their panties for him like he's Hugh Heffner instead of an unemployed illegal with a baby mama.
Tell me something: if you're going to debase yourself for some guy, why would you ever do it for an unemployed guy with zero ambition? I think debasing yourself for anyone is a shitty idea but if you're going to do it, why would you not at least pick a guy with money, fame or something scarce? Some people seriously need to expand their social circles & raise their standards a little; you can find good sex & you can certainly find a guy with enough, if you get my meaning. I do know of some single male attorneys; I'm sure some of them will happily treat you like shit & at least not be around enough to get on your nerves. Perhaps they'd even pay for dates & might buy you presents; not all of them are unemployed or making poverty wages after paying student loan debts. It just occurs to me that I bet this guy doesn't even pay for dates with my former friend.
Shallow things to concern yourself with but it just piles onto the whole "Why debase yourself for someone?" issue. Felt like I had a close call there but I can't be friends with someone who changes into a person I not only don't recognize but can't even respect.
Getting to NC was also a close call experience. My train was about 3 hours late (I won't fly b/c they also have delays & I won't subject myself to a strip search/grope fest/invasive bullshit that violates basic civil liberties & brands me as a criminal with no proof to get on a plane). One of those delays was due to some trees that fell on the tracks. We were literally 7 minutes away from the station I had to get off at & we had to wait for what felt like ages. It's worse when your cell phone has died, you left your charger at home & you don't have internet access to send e-mail. At least I was in business class (if you can afford it, I highly recommend it to save yourself time & heartaches) so they did give us updates.
Apparently, if we'd been there 20 minutes earlier one of these trees could have fallen on our heads. After hearing that, I thought "This has to be a sign that things will work out in my life. Otherwise, God, what was the point of sparing my life today if it's all going to fall apart in two weeks?" If God sees everything, then God knows how you're going to react to things already.
More points on religion that I never got: no one ever believes a gay relationship/marriage or an abortion were part of God's plans for anyone. Either God is the ultimate mastermind & everything you do is part of the plan (including all this "sinful" stuff) or God's an observer who casts people off to Hell for violating things that don't make sense and were probably distorted by sexist white guys who had some power in biblical times. Make up your mind; I don't have a stake here. This is part of my late night contemplating. Whether things actually work out remain to be seen. You'll either get to see the rise or the fall.
Showing posts with label bad friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bad friends. Show all posts
Monday, August 6, 2012
Friday, September 2, 2011
General Musings Part 26
If you wanted to come up with a theme for this one, I think it would be "why people suck & The Angry Redheaded Lawyer would rather be friendless than suffer these fools."
* First, more religious corruption. Are you not surprised that no one in this congregation is thinking about the women involved who may actually have been raped? No public backlash, not even a "we expect more from you as a man of the cloth & you let us down." Nice to know that pedophiles & rapists are always welcomed in the flock while homosexuals & liberals are condemned and outright trashed. Some of these very same people even do the condemning!
Consider all the flack people are giving Chaz Bono, and much of that coming from self-proclaimed religious people who claim Dancing With the Stars is a "family" show.
Since when did anything currently airing on TV become a "family" show??? I've never watched Dancing With The Stars and I have no interest in it. Just another reality show, if you ask me. I also believe in the freedom to do whatever you want with your own body without religious harpies going around & castigating you for it.
None of these morons have to live in Chaz Bono's body or deal with the day to day consequences of that sex change operation; are these the same sects that hassle people for getting tattoos or piercings? Do they go around examining people's private parts to see if they've been pierced? I sure wouldn't want to belong to that congregation. Would you?
* Aaah, toxic friends and workplace drama. These must part of the base of the pyramid of nastiness in human beings.
Honestly, I don't get it. I dealt with the toxic friend situation (actually, I prefer the term "shitty friend" since that's really what it is) in middle school. Maybe it was more like "inattentive friends?" By later on in high school, I stopped worrying about what anyone else thought of me & decided to live my own damn life. I also had more experiences that made me realize than when someone is a drain and a cancer in your life, it's better to simply eradicate it. This is why I never had a relationship lasting longer than 6 months before meeting my spouse, a partial reason I refuse to have children & why I don't have many true friends. As I said before, when the thought of not being friends with someone makes you feel like a heavy weight has been lifted from your shoulders, what are you "saving" and why are you still friends w/that person?
Reading the workplace drama one was interesting. See the part about James Powell, where his wife was being "teased" at a company event by a prick co-worker who claimed she was too pretty to be married to him. She "internalized the stress and jokes" and it harmed their marriage?! Are you kidding me?!?
I went to a holiday party for my husband's old job (which I refer to as "the Hellhole"; you would to). When I was there, I had what folks call my "Cinderella" gown on & was asked by one of his co-workers why I was dating him (at the time, he was my boyfriend). I responded that I had (still have, in fact) a mental connection with him & that when you have a mental connection with someone, you've got the real thing.
I still believe that, in fact. Looks fade. People switch careers, lose their fortunes, get injured. Everything flows from that mental connection: chemistry, love, all that stuff. If you've experienced it, you know what I'm talking about. If you don't, maybe you will someday. I never expected to so if there's someone who can put up with my ass & not kill me, I'd think just about anyone has a fair chance.
I sure as hell didn't "internalize" this shit or have it affect my relationship. Who is that kind of woman? A good wife would be doing what the politician's wives do: bolster their spouse in people's eyes, give you a glimpse into what she sees in him and make you feel ashamed for being a total dick all at once. My husband's co-workers would also never get away with being nasty to me. I wouldn't even let his bosses do that; I don't work there & as a lawyer, it's in my nature not to take shit from others or let people pick on my loved ones. Messing with them is the same as messing with me. I also don't owe my husband's employer anything as it relates to me or my career. Getting on my bad side guarantees I'm not doing a damn thing for you, regardless of who you are.
If it sounds like I'd be a good politician's wife, you might be half right except I can't give birth to kids & I don't take kindly to infidelity against me unless we agreed to an open marriage for both of us (not just the guy) & clarified that whole arrangement. Plus, I'm too much of a romantic, insist on having my own career & couldn't deal with getting the short end of the stick emotionally. I can't be a leech, all right?
* Thank God there are some judges with common sense! I was gratified to read that this lawsuit by some trust fund brats who will likely end up living here as hipsters & driving up real estate prices was dismissed. I didn't grow up in a $1.5 million home or act entitled to money in birthday cards so, yes, if you fit those conditions and bring this up in a lawsuit I'm going to call you a trust fund brat right to your face.
Want to talk damaging, Steven & Kathryn?? Try growing up in a household where your father's a raging alcoholic who destroys your belongings and throws things near your head when he's drunk? How about fleeing from your home when he's in a drunken rage? Or living with a mother who refused to leave & left you feeling like she put her husband ahead of her kids? How about a father who steals from you and feels zero remorse for it?
Or how about being a victim of incest or physical abuse? There are adults who lived that & I bet they're pissed at you both for the gall you have to claim you had it "so bad" when I'm sure you wouldn't last 5 seconds in a real crisis. I'm pissed at you & I only suffered emotional abuse.
Grow up and then maybe we'll take you more seriously when you claim to be undergoing "hardship." I feel sorry for anyone foolish enough to employ either of these people.
Reading this also made me feel better. It tells me the legislators are women hating morons who should keep their mouths shut unless they can get pregnant. If women supported this legislation, they should shut up unless they've actually been in this situation. Otherwise, they also know nothing or at best, have been brainwashed by religion so intently that they should never hold public office in a secular setting where they have to represent the interests of people who don't believe in their God.
These judges give me a slight bit of hope for humanity.
* So does this man, in fact. I would have a lot more respect for many people, especially those in education, if they did what Larry Powell was doing. Why can't people like him run the country? Take note. People would love you instantly for giving up some high power salary & using it to fund important projects that would be cut otherwise.
* But..just when I have some faith in humanity, it gets shattered again. Consider this college's intrusive application question.
If you think coming out wouldn't be held against you in a college setting, you're horribly naive. There was rampant homophobia at my undergrad & I attended a liberal arts school in Atlanta. You'd expect that place to be a bastion of gay pride & acceptance. Not quite. There were still a number of bigots there. They did harass the gay people & their friends; I also didn't much administrative action in the face of it all. The people victimized also complained about that lack of administrative action.
Could you imagine answering that honestly in places like religious schools or areas where they put a priority on religion? You would get branded. I'm not stupid enough to fall for it & I hope others won't be either.
I feel asking about sexual orientation is just like asking about race. You're either creating a form of affirmative action (which I'm not in favor of since I'd rather just kill bigots or avoid learning such personal details altogether to get around prejudices) or inviting people to lie so they can get scholarships & so forth. Lying about sexual orientation seems much easier than lying about your race.
And would you want to be the token LGBT person/guinea pig being used to create more campus "diversity?" This means, you're the only one & will likely be made to feel unwelcome by the student body at large.
The exact issue came up at my college where they wanted black students to increase "diversity." We were in the midst of black colleges! Even if these particular schools weren't well known for academics, I can't blame a black college goer for not wanting to subject himself/herself to some of things going on at my undergrad at that time. That was the early 2000's.
So maybe someone had noble intent in asking that but my cynic side just sees problems akin to those of race.
Having finally dealt with some of the issues of the day, I'm going to see about eating and trying on my new shorts.
* First, more religious corruption. Are you not surprised that no one in this congregation is thinking about the women involved who may actually have been raped? No public backlash, not even a "we expect more from you as a man of the cloth & you let us down." Nice to know that pedophiles & rapists are always welcomed in the flock while homosexuals & liberals are condemned and outright trashed. Some of these very same people even do the condemning!
Consider all the flack people are giving Chaz Bono, and much of that coming from self-proclaimed religious people who claim Dancing With the Stars is a "family" show.
Since when did anything currently airing on TV become a "family" show??? I've never watched Dancing With The Stars and I have no interest in it. Just another reality show, if you ask me. I also believe in the freedom to do whatever you want with your own body without religious harpies going around & castigating you for it.
None of these morons have to live in Chaz Bono's body or deal with the day to day consequences of that sex change operation; are these the same sects that hassle people for getting tattoos or piercings? Do they go around examining people's private parts to see if they've been pierced? I sure wouldn't want to belong to that congregation. Would you?
* Aaah, toxic friends and workplace drama. These must part of the base of the pyramid of nastiness in human beings.
Honestly, I don't get it. I dealt with the toxic friend situation (actually, I prefer the term "shitty friend" since that's really what it is) in middle school. Maybe it was more like "inattentive friends?" By later on in high school, I stopped worrying about what anyone else thought of me & decided to live my own damn life. I also had more experiences that made me realize than when someone is a drain and a cancer in your life, it's better to simply eradicate it. This is why I never had a relationship lasting longer than 6 months before meeting my spouse, a partial reason I refuse to have children & why I don't have many true friends. As I said before, when the thought of not being friends with someone makes you feel like a heavy weight has been lifted from your shoulders, what are you "saving" and why are you still friends w/that person?
Reading the workplace drama one was interesting. See the part about James Powell, where his wife was being "teased" at a company event by a prick co-worker who claimed she was too pretty to be married to him. She "internalized the stress and jokes" and it harmed their marriage?! Are you kidding me?!?
I went to a holiday party for my husband's old job (which I refer to as "the Hellhole"; you would to). When I was there, I had what folks call my "Cinderella" gown on & was asked by one of his co-workers why I was dating him (at the time, he was my boyfriend). I responded that I had (still have, in fact) a mental connection with him & that when you have a mental connection with someone, you've got the real thing.
I still believe that, in fact. Looks fade. People switch careers, lose their fortunes, get injured. Everything flows from that mental connection: chemistry, love, all that stuff. If you've experienced it, you know what I'm talking about. If you don't, maybe you will someday. I never expected to so if there's someone who can put up with my ass & not kill me, I'd think just about anyone has a fair chance.
I sure as hell didn't "internalize" this shit or have it affect my relationship. Who is that kind of woman? A good wife would be doing what the politician's wives do: bolster their spouse in people's eyes, give you a glimpse into what she sees in him and make you feel ashamed for being a total dick all at once. My husband's co-workers would also never get away with being nasty to me. I wouldn't even let his bosses do that; I don't work there & as a lawyer, it's in my nature not to take shit from others or let people pick on my loved ones. Messing with them is the same as messing with me. I also don't owe my husband's employer anything as it relates to me or my career. Getting on my bad side guarantees I'm not doing a damn thing for you, regardless of who you are.
If it sounds like I'd be a good politician's wife, you might be half right except I can't give birth to kids & I don't take kindly to infidelity against me unless we agreed to an open marriage for both of us (not just the guy) & clarified that whole arrangement. Plus, I'm too much of a romantic, insist on having my own career & couldn't deal with getting the short end of the stick emotionally. I can't be a leech, all right?
* Thank God there are some judges with common sense! I was gratified to read that this lawsuit by some trust fund brats who will likely end up living here as hipsters & driving up real estate prices was dismissed. I didn't grow up in a $1.5 million home or act entitled to money in birthday cards so, yes, if you fit those conditions and bring this up in a lawsuit I'm going to call you a trust fund brat right to your face.
Want to talk damaging, Steven & Kathryn?? Try growing up in a household where your father's a raging alcoholic who destroys your belongings and throws things near your head when he's drunk? How about fleeing from your home when he's in a drunken rage? Or living with a mother who refused to leave & left you feeling like she put her husband ahead of her kids? How about a father who steals from you and feels zero remorse for it?
Or how about being a victim of incest or physical abuse? There are adults who lived that & I bet they're pissed at you both for the gall you have to claim you had it "so bad" when I'm sure you wouldn't last 5 seconds in a real crisis. I'm pissed at you & I only suffered emotional abuse.
Grow up and then maybe we'll take you more seriously when you claim to be undergoing "hardship." I feel sorry for anyone foolish enough to employ either of these people.
Reading this also made me feel better. It tells me the legislators are women hating morons who should keep their mouths shut unless they can get pregnant. If women supported this legislation, they should shut up unless they've actually been in this situation. Otherwise, they also know nothing or at best, have been brainwashed by religion so intently that they should never hold public office in a secular setting where they have to represent the interests of people who don't believe in their God.
These judges give me a slight bit of hope for humanity.
* So does this man, in fact. I would have a lot more respect for many people, especially those in education, if they did what Larry Powell was doing. Why can't people like him run the country? Take note. People would love you instantly for giving up some high power salary & using it to fund important projects that would be cut otherwise.
* But..just when I have some faith in humanity, it gets shattered again. Consider this college's intrusive application question.
If you think coming out wouldn't be held against you in a college setting, you're horribly naive. There was rampant homophobia at my undergrad & I attended a liberal arts school in Atlanta. You'd expect that place to be a bastion of gay pride & acceptance. Not quite. There were still a number of bigots there. They did harass the gay people & their friends; I also didn't much administrative action in the face of it all. The people victimized also complained about that lack of administrative action.
Could you imagine answering that honestly in places like religious schools or areas where they put a priority on religion? You would get branded. I'm not stupid enough to fall for it & I hope others won't be either.
I feel asking about sexual orientation is just like asking about race. You're either creating a form of affirmative action (which I'm not in favor of since I'd rather just kill bigots or avoid learning such personal details altogether to get around prejudices) or inviting people to lie so they can get scholarships & so forth. Lying about sexual orientation seems much easier than lying about your race.
And would you want to be the token LGBT person/guinea pig being used to create more campus "diversity?" This means, you're the only one & will likely be made to feel unwelcome by the student body at large.
The exact issue came up at my college where they wanted black students to increase "diversity." We were in the midst of black colleges! Even if these particular schools weren't well known for academics, I can't blame a black college goer for not wanting to subject himself/herself to some of things going on at my undergrad at that time. That was the early 2000's.
So maybe someone had noble intent in asking that but my cynic side just sees problems akin to those of race.
Having finally dealt with some of the issues of the day, I'm going to see about eating and trying on my new shorts.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
The Wedding Saga Part 2
So on Day 2 of this vacation, I went to my sister's bridal shower. They'd originally planned to have it the day before while we'd be on the road but for whatever scheduling reasons that came up, they decided to have it the next day. Sadly, my husband didn't get to go to the bachelor party the day before we arrived but he's not big on the whole strip club thing so it was fine.
Do you have a sister? Know someone who has a sister? If you do, then you know that sisters always fight about something. Especially if those sisters are close in age, too similar or different from one another or natural redheads. If you are a sister, you always think your parents and everyone else likes your sister more than you. I'm no exception.
In my case, I feel people favor my sister because she's a social butterfly, a traditionalist and has kids. She feels our family favors me because I'm the smart kid who became a lawyer, live in NYC and have always been the pretty one. We have all three of those "especially" factors (here, it's being too different from one another).
One thing you do not do, under any circumstances, is cause problems between sisters. This is downright stupid since that relationship is already volatile to begin with. My husband, whose mother has many sisters & has seen those relationships firsthand, knows better than to get in the middle.
Inevitably when I see my family members & especially my sister, it's not a matter of if but when I'll get into a big fight with them. On this trip, it was 20 hours & right after this bridal shower as we were going home.
Here's what happened:
We got to the location, a chain restaurant in the area. It's a grade B. Not just a grade B, mind you but it recently obtained a numeric score of 80.
So this isn't even a little bit of a B but a B verging onto a C. In my area, grade Cs were reserved for restaurants that had sewage problems. Makes you real hungry, doesn't it?
I pointed this out to my mother, who avoids grade B restaurants like the plague (in fact, we've walked out of a few in the past). Unfortunately, when someone else is throwing the event, you're obligated to stay.
To top it off, I had to deal with that matron of honor I mentioned. She's a familiar face if you've been reading this blog; she's the same one who basically lost her mind & did a personality 180. Before this trip, she assures me that she's heading down the right road again, will be standing up & doing SOME matron of honor duties, etc. I'd told her that we may still be able to be friends but not in the BFF sort of way that we were in the past; she also assures me that she doesn't value my sister more. I also neglected to mention that she lists my sister as one of her "bests" on Facebook but did not have me listed that way. Need I say more? These facts become relevant soon.
She arrives 40 minutes late, behind everyone else. I do my best to avoid talking to her, a theme throughout this trip. My sister loudly talks about how she stole this particular friend from me and basically caused me to get the short end of the stick all the time as a kid, including stealing gum from me that I paid for. I do a little mentioning of my own about her being a snoop (intended to be humorous & continuing on a theme she started). This triggers the big fight.
One note about my sister: she's FAR more worried about other people's opinions than I am. This includes people who know her well and know darn well she's not an actual thief or snoop. She accuses me of calling her one & making her look bad in front of these people. In fact, that attribute is a trend in my family: my mother worried about the opinions of her former neighbors, whom she didn't even like!
While we were at this restaurant, we find that one of our servers is a cousin we'd not seen since elementary school. Completely shocked at all this, we start chatting with her and learn that one of my uncles died a couple years back. The catching up was fun and I hope she'll stay in touch. She's one of the few younger relatives I have who doesn't have kids. Of course, I have to deliver that caveat about not wanting to be asked for favors.
Speaking of my sister & asking for favors, she claimed that no one wants what I have & I have no business issuing that caveat to people in conversation. I told her that she knows nothing about the entertainment industry & doesn't have a clue what it's like so she shouldn't speak about it. I also said I don't want someone to ask me for a favor & then pull the "but I thought we were FRIENDS" card. Better to nip any kind of BS in the bud before it can happen. After all, I then have a right to get mad & say crude things if someone does that.
The recent Aspiring Filmmaker's Bootcamp I went to before leaving town confirmed that I've got every right to be paranoid and suspicious since there are LOTS of crazies out there + many people willing to exploit your friendship w/them to meet celebrities, ask for professional favors, etc. It confirmed that I and my colleagues will face even more than we already have.
At this point, though I feel it's my film company or bust since I really don't care about anyone else's business & could never have the same level of passion I have for my own. Just a reality. My husband also told me I couldn't get a steady day job b/c I'm a genius & too smart to take bureaucracy + other BS; I disagree w/the genius part but that's a topic for debate.
Do you have a sister? Know someone who has a sister? If you do, then you know that sisters always fight about something. Especially if those sisters are close in age, too similar or different from one another or natural redheads. If you are a sister, you always think your parents and everyone else likes your sister more than you. I'm no exception.
In my case, I feel people favor my sister because she's a social butterfly, a traditionalist and has kids. She feels our family favors me because I'm the smart kid who became a lawyer, live in NYC and have always been the pretty one. We have all three of those "especially" factors (here, it's being too different from one another).
One thing you do not do, under any circumstances, is cause problems between sisters. This is downright stupid since that relationship is already volatile to begin with. My husband, whose mother has many sisters & has seen those relationships firsthand, knows better than to get in the middle.
Inevitably when I see my family members & especially my sister, it's not a matter of if but when I'll get into a big fight with them. On this trip, it was 20 hours & right after this bridal shower as we were going home.
Here's what happened:
We got to the location, a chain restaurant in the area. It's a grade B. Not just a grade B, mind you but it recently obtained a numeric score of 80.
So this isn't even a little bit of a B but a B verging onto a C. In my area, grade Cs were reserved for restaurants that had sewage problems. Makes you real hungry, doesn't it?
I pointed this out to my mother, who avoids grade B restaurants like the plague (in fact, we've walked out of a few in the past). Unfortunately, when someone else is throwing the event, you're obligated to stay.
To top it off, I had to deal with that matron of honor I mentioned. She's a familiar face if you've been reading this blog; she's the same one who basically lost her mind & did a personality 180. Before this trip, she assures me that she's heading down the right road again, will be standing up & doing SOME matron of honor duties, etc. I'd told her that we may still be able to be friends but not in the BFF sort of way that we were in the past; she also assures me that she doesn't value my sister more. I also neglected to mention that she lists my sister as one of her "bests" on Facebook but did not have me listed that way. Need I say more? These facts become relevant soon.
She arrives 40 minutes late, behind everyone else. I do my best to avoid talking to her, a theme throughout this trip. My sister loudly talks about how she stole this particular friend from me and basically caused me to get the short end of the stick all the time as a kid, including stealing gum from me that I paid for. I do a little mentioning of my own about her being a snoop (intended to be humorous & continuing on a theme she started). This triggers the big fight.
One note about my sister: she's FAR more worried about other people's opinions than I am. This includes people who know her well and know darn well she's not an actual thief or snoop. She accuses me of calling her one & making her look bad in front of these people. In fact, that attribute is a trend in my family: my mother worried about the opinions of her former neighbors, whom she didn't even like!
While we were at this restaurant, we find that one of our servers is a cousin we'd not seen since elementary school. Completely shocked at all this, we start chatting with her and learn that one of my uncles died a couple years back. The catching up was fun and I hope she'll stay in touch. She's one of the few younger relatives I have who doesn't have kids. Of course, I have to deliver that caveat about not wanting to be asked for favors.
Speaking of my sister & asking for favors, she claimed that no one wants what I have & I have no business issuing that caveat to people in conversation. I told her that she knows nothing about the entertainment industry & doesn't have a clue what it's like so she shouldn't speak about it. I also said I don't want someone to ask me for a favor & then pull the "but I thought we were FRIENDS" card. Better to nip any kind of BS in the bud before it can happen. After all, I then have a right to get mad & say crude things if someone does that.
The recent Aspiring Filmmaker's Bootcamp I went to before leaving town confirmed that I've got every right to be paranoid and suspicious since there are LOTS of crazies out there + many people willing to exploit your friendship w/them to meet celebrities, ask for professional favors, etc. It confirmed that I and my colleagues will face even more than we already have.
At this point, though I feel it's my film company or bust since I really don't care about anyone else's business & could never have the same level of passion I have for my own. Just a reality. My husband also told me I couldn't get a steady day job b/c I'm a genius & too smart to take bureaucracy + other BS; I disagree w/the genius part but that's a topic for debate.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Social Networking Platforms & Family Members...What's the Best Policy?
In Sociology class, we learned about the principle of personas. The easiest way to explain this is as follows:
Everyone has a core personality but within that core personality, we wear different masks for different people/situations. We have the workplace mask, the family members mask, the mask for the kids, the blue collar mask, however many you need for various situations in your life. People get used to the mask you present. If you present something or someone learns of something contrary to that mask, all Hell can break loose.
The best example I've got that I'm sure would be discussed in Sociology classes today but wasn't when I was in college b/c it predates my college experience is social networking profiles. Specifically, Facebook or MySpace profiles if you went to college around 2005 or so.
I've experience this whole persona issue firsthand. Those of you who are married or have family members who refuse to acknowledge your right to your feelings can certainly relate.
The quandry is the integrity of your social networking profile vs. deception toward your family members. People experience that with people in the working world as well as evidenced by immature employers firing people for having different political views, hating their supervisor or not wanting to lick an employer's boots for having to do 3 jobs at once with no salary increase to an already pathetic wage. I think a simple conversation with the employee would be more productive.
Let's also contrast this from firings for revealing confidential information or endangering someone's life.
Personally, I push for integrity. There are ways to maintain it without airing dirty laundry such as:
A) Not naming specific names
B) Sticking to discussions on your feelings & opinions, not statements that could be considered defamatory (who wants a defamation lawsuit?)
C) Being vague enough to not make someone immediately know things but purposeful enough to make your point to those who need to hear it
I've had family members get in my face for social profile status postings. With my family, I continue to assert my 1st Amendment rights to speak & that they have no cause to censor me since their name was never used. In the case of in-laws, I simply blocked their ability to see my Facebook status updates as a default proposition.
Maybe some of you have family members and relatives who are capable of behaving like adults and not taking it upon themselves to become the Thought Police or demanding you to put up with someone else's crappy treatment. If you do, God bless you & thank your lucky stars that you aren't related to me or scores of other people whose families are screwed up. Honestly, I think my father may be the most sane of any of mine & he's the alcoholic.
After multiple annoying inquiries bordering on inquisition style tactics from family members, it all came to a head recently.
You may recall my mention of a close friend of mine who lost her mind without the assistance of drugs, alcohol or domestic abuse. Nope, her drug is a spineless scumbag who still lives with his baby mama & is jerking both of them along (while fantasizing about a threesome if you believe my husband & a guy friend my husband hates who claim all men want to do it). Baby mama is hardly Mother of the Year considering she's leaving her child in the care of my friend, her romantic rival & has family/friends who'd keep this child.
Despite her assurances that she would A) get away from this wannabe polygamist & B) perform wedding duties as requested before her life came crashing down, she has done neither one. Now I could care less about the religious aspects of the marriage breakup & if this man were single + encouraging her not to ditch her responsibilities, it would be very different.
But what I really care about is that this "friend" doesn't bother taking up grievances with me. Apparently, she has a problem with me feeling that if a friend of 20 years can 180 on me in a second, I have no chance of ever having a close friendship with anyone else. If I have to always think someone's going to perform a drastic 180 & become someone I can't respect, then I can't take that chance of getting close enough to get hurt.
I also think this person is going to mess up the wedding & that's going to end the friendship for good, especially when I offered an out that wasn't taken. Not to mention this "friend" didn't even show up for my wedding, never got me a wedding gift & hasn't bothered telling me directly about things in the past year or so. I have to hear about her life from my mother.
I posted a status update reflecting this view without a direct mention of names or situation. Instead of calling me & asking about it like a mature person would do, what do you think this "friend" does?
She decides to tell my sister. My sister mentions it to my mother, who mentions it to me. Now when my mother mentions stuff on social networking, she does in a scolding & somewhat confrontational manner. You get the sense you've just been tattled on for bad behavior. When asked, I informed her that I stand by my feelings & have a right to them. She attempted to defend this person & I pointed out that my life will be changing as well. I don't want people I don't respect being a part of it or asking for favors resulting from this new life.
My sister is apparently okay with this person taking credit for an important wedding role & being as reliable as some of her ex-friends who weren't asked because they are known for being unreliable. Those people were never my close friends & I don't respect them. I certainly don't approve of many of their life choices & are not the type of people you can help since they are black holes.
A different person in the wedding party is stepping up & I told my sister she should do something really nice for that person.
The quickest way to get me to hate your guts is to tattle to family & not talk to me. This "friend" has my phone number & could have called to speak to me. She also has a good idea of what I think about dragging family members into personal situations.
Gee, can we behave more like a 12 year old? I should go telling her father or her brother about things & see how she likes it. I refuse to speak to her since she won't bother giving me the dignity & respect of bringing personal grievances directly to me.
Furthermore, since she wants to behave like a baby, I decided it was best not to allow her to see any more Facebook statuses. As far as I'm concerned, she's part of a campaign to censor me. Not to mention that I don't appreciate attempts to be infantalized by anyone.
So I have 2 personal beefs with this person: my sister & being treated like a kid instead of an adult. Doing #2 is not simply burning bridges with me: that's throwing gasoline on the bridge & lighting a match.
You also can't exactly get treatment for being addicted to people. You can fix substance abuse or domestic violence situations, though it might not work. There's nothing to stop the same thing from happening again w/this friend.
I'm really not sure I can continue in that friendship. I don't feel it's being valued & I'd rather save my friendship for those who actually care about it, who care about me. Let me have a few people who care over a million who don't anytime.
As I was milling over this one, a friend of a friend asks why you would friend family members anyway. Good point!
I guess if you haven't, you probably shouldn't unless they have a modicum of maturity. If you did, you should probably just make sure they never see your status updates. I'm hoping that will make my life far easier. Being related to me or knowing me for 20 years is not some free pass to treat me like crap, censor me, etc. Those types of bonds mean nothing to me; I'm of the school of creating your own ties with people who love, support & genuinely care about you & your best interest. Most people have at least 1 relative who does none of that, including me. I say why bother w/them. Thoughts?
Everyone has a core personality but within that core personality, we wear different masks for different people/situations. We have the workplace mask, the family members mask, the mask for the kids, the blue collar mask, however many you need for various situations in your life. People get used to the mask you present. If you present something or someone learns of something contrary to that mask, all Hell can break loose.
The best example I've got that I'm sure would be discussed in Sociology classes today but wasn't when I was in college b/c it predates my college experience is social networking profiles. Specifically, Facebook or MySpace profiles if you went to college around 2005 or so.
I've experience this whole persona issue firsthand. Those of you who are married or have family members who refuse to acknowledge your right to your feelings can certainly relate.
The quandry is the integrity of your social networking profile vs. deception toward your family members. People experience that with people in the working world as well as evidenced by immature employers firing people for having different political views, hating their supervisor or not wanting to lick an employer's boots for having to do 3 jobs at once with no salary increase to an already pathetic wage. I think a simple conversation with the employee would be more productive.
Let's also contrast this from firings for revealing confidential information or endangering someone's life.
Personally, I push for integrity. There are ways to maintain it without airing dirty laundry such as:
A) Not naming specific names
B) Sticking to discussions on your feelings & opinions, not statements that could be considered defamatory (who wants a defamation lawsuit?)
C) Being vague enough to not make someone immediately know things but purposeful enough to make your point to those who need to hear it
I've had family members get in my face for social profile status postings. With my family, I continue to assert my 1st Amendment rights to speak & that they have no cause to censor me since their name was never used. In the case of in-laws, I simply blocked their ability to see my Facebook status updates as a default proposition.
Maybe some of you have family members and relatives who are capable of behaving like adults and not taking it upon themselves to become the Thought Police or demanding you to put up with someone else's crappy treatment. If you do, God bless you & thank your lucky stars that you aren't related to me or scores of other people whose families are screwed up. Honestly, I think my father may be the most sane of any of mine & he's the alcoholic.
After multiple annoying inquiries bordering on inquisition style tactics from family members, it all came to a head recently.
You may recall my mention of a close friend of mine who lost her mind without the assistance of drugs, alcohol or domestic abuse. Nope, her drug is a spineless scumbag who still lives with his baby mama & is jerking both of them along (while fantasizing about a threesome if you believe my husband & a guy friend my husband hates who claim all men want to do it). Baby mama is hardly Mother of the Year considering she's leaving her child in the care of my friend, her romantic rival & has family/friends who'd keep this child.
Despite her assurances that she would A) get away from this wannabe polygamist & B) perform wedding duties as requested before her life came crashing down, she has done neither one. Now I could care less about the religious aspects of the marriage breakup & if this man were single + encouraging her not to ditch her responsibilities, it would be very different.
But what I really care about is that this "friend" doesn't bother taking up grievances with me. Apparently, she has a problem with me feeling that if a friend of 20 years can 180 on me in a second, I have no chance of ever having a close friendship with anyone else. If I have to always think someone's going to perform a drastic 180 & become someone I can't respect, then I can't take that chance of getting close enough to get hurt.
I also think this person is going to mess up the wedding & that's going to end the friendship for good, especially when I offered an out that wasn't taken. Not to mention this "friend" didn't even show up for my wedding, never got me a wedding gift & hasn't bothered telling me directly about things in the past year or so. I have to hear about her life from my mother.
I posted a status update reflecting this view without a direct mention of names or situation. Instead of calling me & asking about it like a mature person would do, what do you think this "friend" does?
She decides to tell my sister. My sister mentions it to my mother, who mentions it to me. Now when my mother mentions stuff on social networking, she does in a scolding & somewhat confrontational manner. You get the sense you've just been tattled on for bad behavior. When asked, I informed her that I stand by my feelings & have a right to them. She attempted to defend this person & I pointed out that my life will be changing as well. I don't want people I don't respect being a part of it or asking for favors resulting from this new life.
My sister is apparently okay with this person taking credit for an important wedding role & being as reliable as some of her ex-friends who weren't asked because they are known for being unreliable. Those people were never my close friends & I don't respect them. I certainly don't approve of many of their life choices & are not the type of people you can help since they are black holes.
A different person in the wedding party is stepping up & I told my sister she should do something really nice for that person.
The quickest way to get me to hate your guts is to tattle to family & not talk to me. This "friend" has my phone number & could have called to speak to me. She also has a good idea of what I think about dragging family members into personal situations.
Gee, can we behave more like a 12 year old? I should go telling her father or her brother about things & see how she likes it. I refuse to speak to her since she won't bother giving me the dignity & respect of bringing personal grievances directly to me.
Furthermore, since she wants to behave like a baby, I decided it was best not to allow her to see any more Facebook statuses. As far as I'm concerned, she's part of a campaign to censor me. Not to mention that I don't appreciate attempts to be infantalized by anyone.
So I have 2 personal beefs with this person: my sister & being treated like a kid instead of an adult. Doing #2 is not simply burning bridges with me: that's throwing gasoline on the bridge & lighting a match.
You also can't exactly get treatment for being addicted to people. You can fix substance abuse or domestic violence situations, though it might not work. There's nothing to stop the same thing from happening again w/this friend.
I'm really not sure I can continue in that friendship. I don't feel it's being valued & I'd rather save my friendship for those who actually care about it, who care about me. Let me have a few people who care over a million who don't anytime.
As I was milling over this one, a friend of a friend asks why you would friend family members anyway. Good point!
I guess if you haven't, you probably shouldn't unless they have a modicum of maturity. If you did, you should probably just make sure they never see your status updates. I'm hoping that will make my life far easier. Being related to me or knowing me for 20 years is not some free pass to treat me like crap, censor me, etc. Those types of bonds mean nothing to me; I'm of the school of creating your own ties with people who love, support & genuinely care about you & your best interest. Most people have at least 1 relative who does none of that, including me. I say why bother w/them. Thoughts?
Sunday, March 7, 2010
More Basic Problems I Have w/"Typical Relationships"
Another insipid article I saw online that I'm sure someone is using as "the gospel."
For #1, I think music can be an issue if you violently hate a genre that your SO likes. For instance, I can't STAND country music. There's no way would I have married my husband if he was a fan of Garth Brooks or big on that genre. I'd have told him to move to the South since there's probably far more country music fans there. Not to mention I'm so unlike the Southern stereotypes, it's criminal to call ME a Southerner.
#2: I dated this guy in college who has forever been known as Psycho Boy. At that time, I was heading to my 2nd year of college; he had dropped out of high school. My own mother predicted that relationship wouldn't last b/c of the education divide. Plenty of other things ended it but looking back, I think the education level does make a difference if you want a long term future.
I've also had countless people say I use "big words" when I'm just speaking as I normally do. I don't go around trying to make people feel stupid (unless someone is being an ass to me). I don't think you have to prescribe to someone else's views but if you don't even know WHO I'm talking about, I think you're going to have serious problems. Not to mention income differences that can result.
#3: I have to disagree if you're noticing a pattern. One friend who does something stupid or annoying is one thing; a pack is a different story. My sister distanced herself from certain friends who were not very great parents and had different priorities from her--truth is your friends' behavior can easily rub off on you.
#4: Nope, this is a major problem. My own parents are living proof w/my father spending money on the debit card, not writing down what he spent & then my mother getting an unpleasant surprise when some bill needs to be paid. It made me refuse to share a checking account w/anyone. Now I may have trust issues here, but I would never share finances 50-50 w/a spendthrift. My own father stole money from me as a child & my own parents borrowed money from me as a kid since I actually saved my allowance. I'm still pissed about that.
#5: Never, in a million years, would I dare tell my husband how to dress OR pick out clothes for him. I wouldn't have done that to ANY man. Why???
Because it's rude & tacky. I can dress myself but I'm not a professional stylist so what entitles me to do it? Plus, girlfriend/wife DOES NOT = Mommy. Not my job to dress a grown up or make a man over. If you like someone, you accept that person for who they are NOT what you can make them.
It's the same thing as trying to make an alcoholic sober or fix a drug addict. You CAN'T do it. If the person wants to be a certain way, either deal with it or get out. If a man had ever done that to me, I'd be furious. People aren't Barbie and Ken dolls.
Needless to say, my husband would never be described as or say he's "whipped." I don't want to be anyone's warden; if I make someone that miserable, there's no point to dealing with me. A friend of mine told me a few days ago he wanted to find a woman like me; it's sad that more women haven't gotten a clue on some of this stuff. I'm sure they'd have happier relationships & be better people.
So the take home lesson here is: accept someone for who they are, warts & all or don't waste your time.
For #1, I think music can be an issue if you violently hate a genre that your SO likes. For instance, I can't STAND country music. There's no way would I have married my husband if he was a fan of Garth Brooks or big on that genre. I'd have told him to move to the South since there's probably far more country music fans there. Not to mention I'm so unlike the Southern stereotypes, it's criminal to call ME a Southerner.
#2: I dated this guy in college who has forever been known as Psycho Boy. At that time, I was heading to my 2nd year of college; he had dropped out of high school. My own mother predicted that relationship wouldn't last b/c of the education divide. Plenty of other things ended it but looking back, I think the education level does make a difference if you want a long term future.
I've also had countless people say I use "big words" when I'm just speaking as I normally do. I don't go around trying to make people feel stupid (unless someone is being an ass to me). I don't think you have to prescribe to someone else's views but if you don't even know WHO I'm talking about, I think you're going to have serious problems. Not to mention income differences that can result.
#3: I have to disagree if you're noticing a pattern. One friend who does something stupid or annoying is one thing; a pack is a different story. My sister distanced herself from certain friends who were not very great parents and had different priorities from her--truth is your friends' behavior can easily rub off on you.
#4: Nope, this is a major problem. My own parents are living proof w/my father spending money on the debit card, not writing down what he spent & then my mother getting an unpleasant surprise when some bill needs to be paid. It made me refuse to share a checking account w/anyone. Now I may have trust issues here, but I would never share finances 50-50 w/a spendthrift. My own father stole money from me as a child & my own parents borrowed money from me as a kid since I actually saved my allowance. I'm still pissed about that.
#5: Never, in a million years, would I dare tell my husband how to dress OR pick out clothes for him. I wouldn't have done that to ANY man. Why???
Because it's rude & tacky. I can dress myself but I'm not a professional stylist so what entitles me to do it? Plus, girlfriend/wife DOES NOT = Mommy. Not my job to dress a grown up or make a man over. If you like someone, you accept that person for who they are NOT what you can make them.
It's the same thing as trying to make an alcoholic sober or fix a drug addict. You CAN'T do it. If the person wants to be a certain way, either deal with it or get out. If a man had ever done that to me, I'd be furious. People aren't Barbie and Ken dolls.
Needless to say, my husband would never be described as or say he's "whipped." I don't want to be anyone's warden; if I make someone that miserable, there's no point to dealing with me. A friend of mine told me a few days ago he wanted to find a woman like me; it's sad that more women haven't gotten a clue on some of this stuff. I'm sure they'd have happier relationships & be better people.
So the take home lesson here is: accept someone for who they are, warts & all or don't waste your time.
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