Professionalism Begets Professionalism

Yes, this is 100% true. If you want people to be professional with you, you'd best be acting that way yourself. Otherwise, you have zero right to complain about anyone else's behavior. That is the essence of "professionalism begets professionalism."

While I love modeling & being in shows and have generally found a great community in the world of fashion there is a staggering mass of people on both sides of the table who do not have that simple concept mastered. Nor have they mastered the concept of strategic thinking & not harming your own self-interest.

First off, most people doing fashion shows and the like are working for free. Even if you are dealing with major shows, this is not something to make a living off of. I heard a model who'd been in this industry for decades outright tell this to aspiring models I'd met at random one day & my attorney suggested I go network with during Fashion Week. I did. These people were extremely nice to me. The models themselves were awesome & far braver than I with some of the outfits they were having to wear in the middle of our NYC with many passerby gawking and making comments.

I'm from the indie film world. The custom in that world is if you're doing a web series or a film or some other project where you aren't paying the actors, you make sure to compensate them & appreciate them for their time in other ways. You get good craft services, good meals for breaks, an extremely pleasant and congenial working environment, travel costs, things that make people want to work with you & not feel like they wasted their time or "I blew my Saturday for THIS?!?!?!" You give your team plenty of notice for scheduling & you do not keep actors on set longer than absolutely necessary nor expect people to drop everything for your project. Some producers also give key actors a share of the project if they are playing major roles, helping connect the project to financing or getting into some great film festival that will yield exposure, possible distribution, that kind of thing.

That sort of thing is rare in the fashion world. Often, you don't get food & getting paid is atypical. You might get a piece from the designer or sometimes you'll get fed or have a chance to get food but some people just don't get that tradition or concept of not pissing folks off or making them say "Why the hell am I here?!?!?" Respect of people's time is at times utterly laughable & definitely don't expect a show to start on time. That almost never happens.

Granted, there are film productions that start late or run for an endless amount of time (that is less likely in fashion shows) but anyone who's been to shows will tell you that unless there's someone who's really on top of things, hard core clock watching or there's some other event after the show that starts at X time on the dot & you must be done by then, the show will be running late.

I feel like most designers & people handling shows are aware of this reality and appreciate the models/hair stylists/makeup artists/so on & so forth who participate. The good ones are super appreciative, either b/c they came from the same tradition I did, they see themselves as professionals in this arena or have professional day jobs that ingrain those values into your skull. The ones who don't & have the audacity to expect people to drop everything are seriously delusional in my mind.

One person I worked with said models had to "be on call like doctors." Well, when you're paying that model a doctor's salary to be "on call" I'm sure (s)he will be more than happy to oblige. If you expect them to do that for free, you are living in a fantasy world & are not going to attract the cream of the crop. Take it from a partner in an indie film company who knows a number of producers & has seen how things work when you don't have the money to pay someone. Passion & interest in the project only get you so far in terms of someone's motivation & where you fall on the priority list. You could have the next great project but if you aren't paying people for it or even offering deferred pay (or worse, you are not covering supplies, travel, etc. & making the person PAY to work for you), you aren't going to be #1. You may not even be #5 if that person's got a spouse, kids, their own career outside entertainment, etc. Also, no one likes feeling like a chump & everyone's got a limit to their altruism.

I know one argument is "that's how the industry is & has always been." Well, internships have been a thing in entertainment a long time as well but we have legal precedent now cracking down on abusive practices like making people work full time hours for no pay. The whole internship concept is changing b/c of the rulings in these cases. Plus, as any long time reader knows, tradition for tradition's sake is not an argument that impresses me. I consider it lazy & devoid of simple reason or common sense. It's the excuse offered for hazing in the Greek system, slavery, segregation and other bad things society shouldn't be encouraging or offering silent acceptance for.

Second, most models don't have professional jobs. In particular, most aren't attorneys in their day jobs. Even fewer are entertainment attorneys like I am. It seems some people view this as a license to treat models like crap.

In my case, that's a fatal mistake. Attorney Monica & Film Exec Monica don't shut off or forget what happened to Model Monica or Actress Monica or Writer Monica or Singer Monica; I don't have split personalities that don't remember what happened to the other ones. I've got a damn good memory & if you were nasty to me in a fashion show or any other creative context, do you honestly think I'm going to bother helping YOU when you inevitably want my legal services or my referral to an entertainment attorney? Do you think you're getting anywhere in working with my company if you're being an ass to me? Do you think you're going to have more cred than an entertainment attorney doing all the stuff I do, where people know me from these worlds & respect what I have to say along with me the individual (put like or dislike aside)? A smart person knows you don't alienate the entertainment attorney, especially the one closest in proximity who's more likely to be accessible to you. Attorneys are a major marker of difference b/t someone being an amateur or hobbyist in entertainment & someone being a professional. Oh, and if you're going to work professionally in any aspect of entertainment, you WILL need an attorney sooner or later. Major companies aren't talking to you without you having some representation & many have specifically asked to speak to attorneys (potential clients & other creative contacts have told me this outright).

I personally am not a masochist or the type who likes having more stress in her life. If I don't like someone, no way am I lifting a finger for them. In fact, I'd not piss on you if you were on fire if I didn't like you but you have to do something extremely egregious to get on my bad side. Something that if I told the average person, (s)he would say "What the hell?!" I might be the most prominent Undercover Boss to work on the creative side since blending in is impossible for me.

Third, it seems that adage "you never know who knows who" hasn't gotten around to the world of fashion in a global sense. It's ingrained in your skull if you do acting. Yet I have seen some egregious behavior & gotten some attitude from certain jerks. I absolutely remember those pricks & no way in hell would I do for them.

They've established that they are not part of that community or MY allies so they aren't worthy of my extra effort. People who do respect that community, who I like or at least haven't had outright disrespect from are more likely to have me care about their success or at least listen to a respectful request. Film & TV people hold grudges and you can get permanently blacklisted there; I've heard countless stories & worked with people who did it since they have no time for that stress or hassle. I do it with everyone in all aspects of life but I'm outright shocked when I see someone being nasty to me.

For one thing, how would you treat my non-lawyer colleagues? For another, I'm a natural redhead. Do you not follow popular culture & stories on natural redheads? We're known for having tempers & not being the people to mess with. I'm also more quiet in life; aren't you aware about how they say "it's always the quiet ones" when some mass murder or other major violent event happens? Very surprised there's never been a story about a guy getting his penis chopped off at the hands of a naturally redhaired woman. I'm a redhead so I get to say this but society would suspect us of that stuff long before anyone else. Not to mention I seem to give off an air of authority or responsibility or something. Everyone tells me I'm smart within 15 minutes of a conversation if not sooner. It's kind of freaky.

Because you never know who's friends with who or who you're dealing with & everyone deserves basic human dignity unless they prove otherwise, I don't start with nastiness as my default. I can at least be civil, as we all can manage. Not nice, but not insulting people or treating them like garbage unwarranted or implying they have no right to be there. Professional, you can call it. If you can't manage that, then I have to wonder what you're doing in mainstream society.

I may not outright say "fuck you" but a professional doesn't have to. I merely wait for the inevitable moment the light bulb goes off in your head, knowing I will get the last laugh. Professionals also tell their colleagues so their colleagues aren't having to deal with the same shit. So that light bulb may be going off after you've shot yourself in the foot. Perhaps I've also gotten more mature in the face of the living hell I've had to endure the past 2-3 years.

So before you whine about other people not being professional or bailing on things, take a look at yourself: Are you paying these people? Are you expecting them to drop everything like they live exclusively to serve you & your whims? Are you showing up on time & prepared? Do you treat everyone with respect & stand by your people? Do you create a climate of fairness or do you tolerate or silently condone unprofessional behavior? Whose backs do you have? People who know the business can tell quickly who is or isn't professional, who is worth dealing with & who isn't. It's a TEAM effort so having unrealistic demands or being an asshole are things you do at your own peril. "It's your funeral," as they say.

Extra Gigs #7 & #8: Helping A Brother Out & Not Chasing the Fly

The next 2 extra gigs I'm going to write about were through friends. #7 was my own film company and #8 was for the aforementioned Scott Powers Studio, whom I've spoken of before in this very blog.

Gig #7 happened a couple months back when we were doing some shooting for The Butterfly Chasers, our next feature film & the first one that will contain name actors. Being on my own company's set instilled a sense of pride in me. Here's why:

1. My people are incredibly professional. Our Production Coordinator was doing an awesome job and our dear friend Jen (my CEO's significant other who should probably have some hand in casting due to ) introduced herself to everyone upon arrival. This is not something I've seen often in my own extra experiences so I'm glad she took the time to do that.

2. I got to wear an outfit that wasn't mine though our wardrobe person did compliment what I brought for the shoot. The coolest thing was when I stepped out in my dress, everyone just sort of stops, watches me & raves about how great I look. I'm just all nonchalant about it, as I often am. It always kind of shocks me at times when someone & especially when lots of people just marvel at my looks like that. Remember, I wasn't the girl who stopped traffic when I was younger so for me it's not like I generally see a supermodel when I get up in the morning or look in the mirror. When people fawn over me, especially those who could certainly stop traffic themselves, it's like "Really?! You mean ME?!"

3. Our actors aren't pretentious or douchey folk. Granted, I've not personally met any actors on sets who were douchebags & I already knew most of the people on our set but I think even a total stranger would feel the family atmosphere going on. Our people actually spoke to extras & there wasn't that "I'm better than you" vibe going on.

If you ask me, this is a testament to my CEO & my team since they don't have time for or take any mess. I certainly won't, which you know if you've read this blog or met me in real life. It's not so much everyone else is bad; it's that my team went above & beyond to make life on set happy for everyone not just the talent with lines.

Overall, this was the best experience I had & I could certainly impart tips and advice on how to do it right if you've got a small set. Want to know? Ask me.

The best part about working with my team is I already have an IMDB credit for that role.

As for gig #8, which will cover most of this post, I actually solicited for that one. I solicited for #7 as well but that was largely due to it being my company and the fact that I would always be welcome to visit the set at any time as a partner, at my leisure and on my schedule. Plus, that was a shot to see some people I don't get to see regularly.

What happened to my saying "no more?" Well, I decided to look into Scott's gig since I had never done a gig with his company and he gets the most random projects for casting. Plus, knowing his reputation and his Weekly Tips, I figured it would be a good idea for me to go on one of his projects myself to see what caliber of folk he's dealing with, explore the professionalism involved and all that good stuff.

I responded to the ad the week before since the part was tailor made for me & my experiences (my extra gigs have mostly consisted of "pretty business person" & fashionista type roles; pretty much me in real life). I got the role of fashion show attendee/designer. The call time was on a Tuesday morning at 6:30 a.m. so I got very little sleep. As in, 3-4 hours of sleep. On 5 hours, I can function pretty well. On 3-4 hours, I actually didn't do half bad.

Mercifully, the shoot was in Manhattan and at a nightclub that hasn't gotten good reviews on Yelp. The setting itself looked very nice though. Holding was on the 3rd floor of this club on a series of cushioned booth seats.

I got the call for this gig on a Sunday, believe it or not. Since I had free time on Tuesday and two pesky 3 disc CLE courses I should watch before January, I figured it might be worth considering this extra gig so I'd actually make some progress there. I was also bumped up to a higher rate because the person at Scott's office said "You've been here before right? I'm going to bump you up to the higher rate." With that offer (which I never asked for), plans for gig #8 was set in motion.

On arrival, I started watching Disc 1 of one of those CLE courses. After all, it was early in the morning (I got there 30 minutes early) and I didn't know anyone there. In fact, this was the very first extra gig I've done where someone didn't recognize me from my entertainment law/film exec life.

The wardrobe person actually picked out for me the very dress I wanted to wear that day. It's a brand new one and I have not gotten to wear it elsewhere yet. It's black with red roses on it and has a jeweled shoulder piece. When I saw it online, I had to get it. It sort of makes up for a long dress I have in a similar shade that doesn't fit me so well now. I actually wore that one in my senior class picture. You can see me in it in my senior yearbook as I'm sitting with my classmates in our gym's bleachers.

I've said before that I can not take just any old role. Here is an example of why that's so:

One of the roles to be filed for this project was for lingerie models. That is the sort of job I will not do unless it's on my own project since I get to call the shots and decide what I will or won't do if it's my project. The main reasons I won't do any old part are ethical concerns (since I'd rather not be suspended or disbarred for bringing scandal on the legal profession; you can't even be a lawyer working in a dungeon or doing soft core porn if you hope to continue working in my field so I figure it's best not to take chances) & not losing credibility as a film industry exec.

There comes a scene where the lingerie models have to swoon and be groupies to a major hip hop star. They cast a real life hip hop star for this part. That star is affiliated with a well known hip hop group. An executive member of that hip hop group is someone I have met personally & who is a close friend of my CEO's. That executive member has also said very good things about my professionalism & if asked, I'd tell you good things about him as well since I've found him to be a good person.

So imagine if I'd played one of those lingerie models. How would I be able to be the film exec/entertainment lawyer for that hip hop star if I'd been doing this extra scene where I had to play his groupie? It's not exactly outside the realm of possibility that this hip hop star could be considered for a project with my company considering this link to the executive member of that group. Can you saw "awkward?" That kind of thing would mess up my professional cred. Hence, I do not put myself in situations where that could ever be an issue. It's also why I'm extremely & mega-picky when it comes to roles for myself (aside from a spouse who wouldn't appreciate the world gawking at and trying to touch my scantily clad behind).

Another fact you should know about me & being on extra sets: I believe in the whole "extras should be seen and not heard" ethic. If you don't speak to me, I'm not speaking to you. This has been stressed a million times at Central Casting (do not bother the talent) & as a film company owner myself, it is not my intention to disrespect someone else's set. I would kill someone doing that to my team so I'm not about to do that to someone else.

Unless maybe you speak about legal stuff & you're fucking it up, you won't get me to speak. In that scenario, I figure my words would probably be welcome as well as necessary since I'm a skilled professional in that context. It would be akin to a doctor giving medical attention if someone needed it or a person giving it was about to kill the unconscious person by giving him/her the wrong drugs. I think most of us would want that doctor to intervene no matter where we or the doctor was on the food chain.

Generally though, if you want to talk to me you WILL have to talk first. I don't care if you think I'm snobby or unfriendly. You'll have to get off your duff & do something first.

I also don't do much networking on the sets. This is mostly because I do not want a flood of actors bothering me with legal stuff. As I say, I won't ask for your autograph if you don't ask me for free legal advice.

Plus, it seems I also give off the vibe of authority & capability. I like to think I also come off as a professional since it does seem every time I want to sit some days, I get asked to be in a scene. I'm like "An extra's work is never done," & go ahead. After all, that's what you're there for. I did also get fake snow dropped on me as we were doing scenes but it thankfully did not affect my dress.

The biggest take away I have from doing this extra experience: pray for the filmmakers on this set. Pray hard for the cast & crew of this film. Why do I say this? Isn't filmmaking already a hard, long endeavor taking lots of time and energy?

Yes, but I say this for a special reason: the utter unprofessionalism I saw amongst extras!

Clearly, some of these people have never worked for Central Casting. Three standouts in particular come to mind. Let's call them Bitch #1, Bitch #2 and Random Photographer.

Both Bitch #1 & #2 complain about everything the entire day. I hear them at different times of day. Bitch #2 is sitting near me in holding & when the wardrobe person says she can't wear the outfit she had on, she throws a hissy fit about it. The wardrobe person said she liked it but they can't do that b/c of the camera. Apparently, Bitch #2 has never heard that you can't wear white or red for this stuff. She was like "they should have told us no bright colors."

Granted this was not an assignment I would have recommended if you hadn't done extra work before but if you don't know something, ask questions. That's what the people at the casting company are there for. I know they're more than happy to answer questions for you since they know if you aren't happy, you will make things bad for the filmmakers & that will fall back on them. They don't want that.

And some people bitch about Central Casting treating them like children. That experience symbolizes WHY Central Casting does that! Bitch #2 is a living example of why that method works.

Later in the day, she pissed me off when I was trying to pick up my shoes and coat after they'd been moved for filming the last scene. She apparently mistook me for someone who didn't have a life and couldn't squeeze through to get things. After I squeeze by to get my stuff while she's standing in the path (it became a bit of a Mexican standoff), she goes "Oh, that's real classy." After she walks off, I say (probably not loud enough to be heard or if I was, no one commented) "Real nice to make comments like that when you don't even know who you're talking to." She moves away from that spot in holding when we're changing to leave like I care.

Then, when we're signing forms & turning in the paperwork, she harasses this poor PA to make her a copy of the time sheet so she'll have one for her records. It's not so much the asking that bothered me but just her tone & behavior w/this poor young woman. Bitch #2 claimed the jacket in her initial outfit made her look like Anna Wintour. Apparently, she thought she should behave like Anna Wintour on set.

Let me advise would be extras right now: don't behave like Anna Wintour unless you want to be blacklisted from the industry.

Bitch #1 complained on set about not being included in the bar for a scene. She alleged age discrimination against her & the older fellow extra she was talking to. For some reason, they had to occupy space near me. I overheard parts of their conversation & eventually had to move away b/c the negativity was bothering me. For those of you who think I'm a negative person because I'm angry, I think this fact might poke a few holes in that theory. I consider myself more of a realist & rational thinker who will face facts vs. someone who bitches & causes problems where none exist.

I think Bitch #1 left early because I didn't see her later as we were dressing out and leaving set for the day. Another extra informed me later that Bitch #1 openly tried telling the director how to do his job. We were sitting in the audience in that scene & I was glad he was there since guess who was sitting there before? Bitch #1!

Bitch #1 also had the gall to tell me what to do when they were placing us & I was trying to find where to sit for the scene. I hope the director ejected her; she claimed she'd been in this business for years & had experience as an extra. If you heard her, you'd have probably also concluded the same thing I did. Which was "Clearly you are still doing this because you're a whiny, complaining bitch."

The director & telling me what to do stuff happened after she was speaking of her prior experience. She was telling a few other extras about this while I was sitting nearby but not participating in the conversation.

Random Photographer is how I learned about the hip hop artist being in that scene with the lingerie models. I ended up in that scene as someone crossing in front of the action. I don't think having done that will kill my enforcer cred or power as an exec or attorney.

When the director is getting his picture taken with this gentleman, she asks for & gets a picture with him. Apparently, this major hip hop star is looking at doing more films with this director (or at least the director wanted him to) so who knows if this director might be someone I meet or draft paperwork for later on. She tells folks about this major hip hop star being there & how he was with this major rap group where we have that contact. I thought "Info to store for later."

Random photography w/the famous is also a major no-no.

A third fact about me & sets: chances are, I won't know who the hell you are unless you tell me. I don't really watch network shows & remember that as an entertainment law attorney, I'm not a fan of anyone I've not personally met or had an interaction with. You have to actually do something for me to form an impression of you, good or bad. All I know from seeing you on TV or in a movie is whether you've got any talent or not.

I have no idea what type of hell you put the director through or if you return phone calls, have some general humanity or any sense of class. If I don't know that, I'm not going to bother dealing with you or referring you to anyone. I don't care how big your name is; my team doesn't need bullshit. We'll find other names who are respectful & won't be doing things to get on my shit list (a list you do have to put some considerable effort to get onto).

As gatekeeper, I'm not letting you through if you harass, annoy or cause problems for me. This blog should show you enough evidence of how steadfast I am to that ethic. Do your research.

This also goes back to number #1 about extras being seen but not heard. If you've heard I'm some great entertainment law attorney, you'll have to talk to me. Again, I won't talk to you. I prefer online correspondence anyway.

I don't know whether Scott knows about some of this but I really hope those people weren't coming in multiple days for the director's & the PAs' sakes. If asked, I'd certainly elaborate on it.

Lastly, we were there an hour longer that told. You can imagine the carrying on that happened w/that. My main concern was if we went past 7. Since that didn't happen, it was all good.

I also came to a major decision on the whole acting thing. Basically, I decided that doing the whole "get representation" thing & spending tons of days a week working isn't going to work for me. I even said before I wasn't going to do the full time actor thing but I think that includes not getting representation.

Took me a while to come to that choice but I feel it's the best one for me. I'd rather work on my terms and do things in my own way. If someone notices me & wants to do something, I'd rather it be their choice. Essentially, I've decided not to chase the fly but to let the fly come to me instead. If it does, great. If it doesn't, no big deal. I'll get my own opportunities and do things on my time.

I had also decided not to do more extra work until I got a call during Comic Con from a casting company I'd not worked with who asked if I wanted to work next week on "The Good Wife." I also got an offer to work tomorrow but I declined in favor of going shopping with hubby and generally taking a break from the crazy that is Comic Con. More information on that one, along with an accounting of my loot later on. Boy, do I have things to write for that experience!

Seems It's The Entertainment Field For Me

After getting rejected for what seems to be the billionth & one legal job I tried for, I think it's time to go with the theory that the universe says "Angry Redheaded Lawyer, you belong in the entertainment industry. Stop trying to get a day job in the legal sector!"

At least the company interviewing me for the job behaved professionally, including with proper follow up. The Klausner Group deserves special recognition for this. Based on my experiences, I would certainly consider doing business with them or recommending them to others.

I've also had some networking meetings lately, including with an attorney working at a large law firm. I'll be perfectly honest: when I see a mega law firm or a prestigious law school by your name & you want to talk to little old me, I do tend to wonder if I'm going to be dealing with one of those stereotypical asshole attorneys everyone hates. It also makes me wonder what type of commonality you're possibly going to see with me. After all, I'm a massive hater of those folks & I'm quite vocal about it.

Thankfully, my faith in humanity was restored a little by these encounters with folks. The contact I met with told me outright that he hates other lawyers. I'm like "Yes!!" since as a group, I totally hate them. It's not self-hatred so much as "You assholes are dragging down the whole group & we don't even like talking to you since you're so dull, boring & empty." I'm also not the only one who doesn't see a point in networking with other attorneys; that made me feel more confident in the fact that I really don't network with attorneys who aren't in the entertainment industry (and if they are assholes, I make sure they never get squat from me). It also made me feel far less bad about not going to attorney networking events & seeing them as a waste of my time since they don't provide me with much utility. The entertainment ones are much more fun, anyway.

I also signed up for an improv class; I've been dying to do this since I went to the People's Improv Theater one evening & joined in on an improv event. My husband told me I was pretty good, people seemed to like my work & I loved being on stage for it. There's also the whole giving me something to do aspect & not feeling like I'm dragging down the curve when it's time to do my own web series. Finally found something quality that was also affordable. This isn't an easy feat in NYC.

Guess I also have to get used to stupidity by anonymous morons too chicken shit to do anything for themselves & spend all their time bringing others down. If you're going to be a detracting asshole, try posting under your real name & coming out in the open if you want anyone to take you seriously. Otherwise, you're just a fucking joke. Don't know about anyone else but I consider it my life's work to piss people off by merely existing. If you're smart, you live the same philosophy.

Detractors are clearly people unhappy in themselves who need to do the world a favor & either get some therapy or off themselves instead of spreading their bad karma around. I'll give you realism if I know about something but I'd never say "You'll never get famous" or "You'll never make it" to anyone. See the difference?

Reasonable or Another Example of Entitlement Behavior?

So I saw this Craig's List ad today:

Seeking part time attorney's position with daycare allowance (NYC)
Date: 2011-04-16, 2:09PM EDT
Reply to: job-mcxbf-2329006269@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

I am a 33 year old married female attorney with a one year old daughter who would need to come with me to any office I work at. I had had this arrangement at my previous office however, my former boss passed away last year. She was not a bother and I took care of her myself throughout appearances and even during depositions!.....I would additionally request that any employer reading this ad keep an open mind and that things are not nearly as difficult as they may appear to be. I should know, I was living this scenario personally!

I have been admitted to the NYS bar for the past 8 years; have also been admitted to all Four District Courts, the 2nd Circuit and the United States Supreme Court. I have performed various levels of trial, and and covered numerous conferences on trips/slips and falls, auto accidents, construction accidents, medical malpractice, and the like. I have jury picked in 4 out of 5 boroughs, and have additionally performed several bench trials.

I can work from the most basic pleading complete through depositions, subpoenas and trial preparation. As I know this market is not this best, at a FULL time position I would request 60K but for approximately 40 hours a week I am herein requesting 50K. I have references and of course a CV upon any request! I am looking to work in the Manhattan/Bronx/Downtown Brooklyn/or LIC areas in particular.

SERIOUS REPLIES ONLY! AND PLEASE, NO RECRUITERS!

* Location: NYC
* Telecommuting is ok.
* This is a part-time job.
* Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
* Please, no phone calls about this job!
* Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

PostingID: 2329006269

We're not simply talking about some payment for a maid or daycare center or time to drop a child off; this person is making demands to bring a 1 year old to the office. A few facts may need mention.

1. The legal field is notoriously unfriendly to small children. There are client meetings, court dates, depositions that are transcribed by people who are paid huge hourly amounts, etc. You have demanding bosses making you work very long hours. Part-time in law land is full-time everywhere else.

2. Many law offices are in buildings where other professionals have offices. Unless you are a very big, rich firm you will not have multiple floors or even one floor that is all yours.

3. If you are surrounded by other working people, there are inevitable noise complaints. Everyone is expected to keep noise to a minimum and screaming would be noticed.

See, where this seems a tad unrealistic & would rub me the wrong way as an employer? I don't know you. I don't know what type of parent you are or anything about your work ethic.

I presume this other boss may have worked with this woman for years and knew if she was capable of doing the job, how her parenting skills are, if she was a reliable worker, demanded childfree employees to accommodate her, etc.

Now I think it would be great if employers provided on-site daycare for employees or at least a space for this small kid that would not mean leaving her in the office during client meetings or expecting the whole office to play babysitter while this mother is in court. If she takes this baby to court, I have to wonder what the judge & court personnel say. Maybe this kid's a local celebrity but for all I know, it could piss off some judge who's trying to dispose of cases to hear a screaming baby in his/her courtroom. If there's anything you don't do, it's make a judge mad at you when you have to go before him/her in court.

But that's not the world we live in. Most law firms won't even give you flexibility in hours like the one I worked at where parents could leave at 4 so they could pick up their kids from school. My nephew is almost a year old & I can't see my sister demanding some employer to let her bring him to work. I've also never met a baby that was silent through a whole work day or never gets grumpy, cranky, bored, etc. without letting you know it by screaming bloody murder.

I say if you want to be a lawyer & bring your child to work, you should consider becoming a solo so you can work at home unless you can pay for a quality daycare center, leave your child with a babysitter or find a workplace that has an on-site daycare center. Little kids do not belong in an office setting (unless maybe your product is marketed to them & there are no confidentiality laws involved) and I think have more potential to be a hassle than a dog or a cat. Animals will at least kill insects, attack intruders, warn you of gas leaks and do other things little kids won't.

Not to mention how the child would feel. Grown ups wouldn't even want to be in a law office for 8 hours, forget 10 or 12 per day if they weren't getting paid for it. Doing it to a small child may as well be child abuse. Law offices don't have toys, games, books or other age appropriate fare for 1 year olds.

Oh, and fairness to co-workers anyone? Some of us don't want to be pestered about having kids or demanded to worship at the altar of your child. We also don't want to hear about the details of little Johnny's diaper mess or his feeding schedule. How does anyone know you aren't the type of mother childfree people hate (basically, those who expect everyone to fawn all over their kid or to get a metal of honor for breeding)? Not to mention seeing a baby brings out the evangelizing from parents to childfree women on the Church of Baby.

The co-workers probably won't get to say "I don't want that child here!" and get their wish. They could be forced to quit (or hostile work environment if they're being harangued daily about their breeding plans) and then the firm loses talented people who may have been there for years because of one person who can't be bothered with lining up daycare services.

Honestly, this ad just rubs me the wrong way as an employer & based on what I know about the legal field. I don't think most firms would accommodate this & I would never expect an office where no one knew me to do that for me.

Those looking for jobs: how would you feel if an employer told you after hiring you for a job that they had little kids in the office on a daily basis that you'd have to work around? I'd personally be pissed since I don't have kids for a reason & unless the child is related to me or I'm being paid for it, I'm not going to be a babysitter or take on motherly tasks. I would also wonder how much real work got done there & what the landlord, others working around the office, etc. thought of it. Based on this woman's demands, you can't help but wonder if she'd be the type of parent to foist child care duties onto co-workers.

Just goes back to the saying "You breed 'em, you feed 'em." Don't inflict your lifestyle choices on everyone else; be an adult & handle your own responsibilities.

Extra Gig #4: Getting Paid to Wear an Evening Gown, Selecting Your Assistants and The Interesting World of Extras. Also, Foreshadowing?

Last night, I got to do my very first evening extra gig for a TV pilot. I'm not going to violate any confidentiality matters or give you names of people. As a general matter, you shouldn't rely on me to know who some famous person is b/c I just don't care. I've got my own problems & unless that person is giving me $, getting my student loan debt canceled, making sure my husband gets the promotion he deserves or otherwise doing something mega nice for me, my business or a loved one, it's not worth my time to be concerned about such things.

I was quite happy to get this call. For one thing, I own a LOT of evening gowns; I'm talking 8 or so. Many of them could use alterations, I'd like to get repairs for some & my bridesmaid dress from my sister's first wedding is way too big on me now but I still look awesome in them. After all, I make it a point to pick things & dress in a way that you won't see 10 other people doing unless they specifically copied me.

I also love getting to dress up in these things. The right dress can make you feel like royalty. For me, the evening gown is the height of feeling like the most beautiful woman in the world. I suppose it's like the leather jacket or a uniform for a guy: even the ugliest woman can look 1,000 times better in an evening gown.

I actually wanted a job where I had to wear evening gowns. I figured I could be great at that since I always feel gorgeous in them; plus, no one could make you do all that much or you'd mess up the dress.

So, unknowingly Central Casting gave me a shot to live that dream. You'd better believe I was taking it.

They asked people to provide 2 gowns; I brought 4 since I had them, including the black dress I wore to get married. That black dress was the one they picked, along with my bling that went with another dress I was originally wearing. Not a combination I'd thought of but I defer to the decision makers when I'm on someone else's set. Worked well, I think. Also didn't have to deal with my hair getting caught in the rhinestone straps of the dress I was originally wearing, which was a relief. That dress works so much better when my hair is up but I'm not a beautician. That's one job I think will always be available since people are shallow by nature. But I digress...

Some observations:

* This set had the most congenial group of extras I've ever encountered. I've been to gigs where no one made real effort to speak to me in holding or people clung to those they knew. Here, a woman sitting at my table actually engaged the table in conversation and spoke to me. Another lady at my table also liked that I got married in that black dress & how I structured my wedding. We're still going strong after over 4 years so I think flouting tradition was the way to go here.

At one point when I was waiting in the hair & make-up line (because, again, I like to let the decision makers say whether I look acceptable to be on the set), one young woman who'd just gotten her make-up done tried cutting in front of me & a bunch of other actresses. A different young woman who'd gotten her make-up done earlier says "Lots of people are waiting here to get their hair and make-up done & haven't had anything. The line starts back there." The attempted line breaker asks me if I'm in line for hair specifically & I said "I'm doing both, whatever I get first." Then, she moves to the back of the line.

The lady who spoke up said she apparently saw the look on my face when this line breaker tried that & wanted to keep others from getting screwed. Guess I'm more obvious in expressing my real feelings than I think. I appreciate the sentiment, though I didn't actually mention about being a lawyer + having my own film company & friends who could easily hear about this. Remember, you never know who's doing extra work.

This couldn't be more true that in my conversation with a gentleman who was commuting from a very long way to the shoot & had done a lot in the business.

Considering that someone who tried to call me incompetent was immediately blacklisted when I wasn't even a partner at the film company, can you imagine what would happen if you were an ass to me & I revealed it to my people? I think that says it all.

I even got a business card from the woman who complimented my dress & non-traditional wedding arrangements.

* Didn't see a single person I knew from the scam TV network or my behind the scenes work. That's a shocker, though I did see someone I worked w/briefly on Gig #1. However, didn't speak to her.

* I also saw some wonderful professionalism from a particular extra I worked with for a scene. While I see many being Chatty Cathys on the set, even though you're supposed to be silent while the powers that be are trying to direct, coordinate, set up equipment, etc. I tend to only speak when spoken to, keep the conversation brief & then in whisper (as a compromise to professionalism vs. not being rude to whoever spoke to me). The gentleman I was working with said "I hope you don't find me rude." and explains that he listens when they say to be quiet.

THANK YOU!!!!! I explained that I've been on sets, have my own company & don't like to disturb other people's ability to work.

* The person in charge of corralling the extras was the best coordinator I've ever encountered. Now others I've dealt with were good but she was great. She introduced herself, told you what her role was on the set, was congenial & didn't give me a vibe of superiority. She seemed to give authority without the least bit of brusqueness. I heard extras say positive things about her & I think some of them felt more motivation to do a good job for her benefit. As a behind the scenes person, this is the sort of person I would want on my set.

* One downside: didn't like getting a 7 p.m. time & not really having food for a while. I didn't have a viable way to eat a real dinner since I didn't get home until about 3:40 + set dismissal was after 1 a.m. There was a craft services area in a small hallway. It got backed up.

One smart ass crew person, whom I'm not sure was serious or joking decides to quote the famous Silence of the Lambs line in motivating people not to hang around the table while others were in line. A variation on "Put the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again." Something about "going back to Holding again?" Not sure if he heard my comment of "you may not want to say that to a psychotic" but I didn't hear him make that crack after I said my piece.

He'd also made comment on how craft services were a courtesy for doing the work. That's half true. We have a little thing called labor laws & unions; plus, I'd have a case for false imprisonment if you confine me to a location for a long time period & don't give me food. People in offices can go to a vending machine or leave to take a break. You can't leave a set.

Little tip: if a master of sarcasm has to wonder if you're serious or joking when you say something you may want to try a different tact. Some of us could help your career or end it. Go back to the part about never knowing who your extras are. Being a dick is a good way to end your career before it starts.

Oh, and attorneys are revered in this industry; messing with us is like stealing food from a lion or taunting a snake. Eventually, things are going to end badly for you & most people will say you got what you deserved, perhaps earning yourself a Darwin award.

Not to mention attorneys are looking for any hustle they can get to pay off six figure loan debt considering the legal job market stinks.

So, what was it like getting paid to wear an evening gown? I think I would want to wear comfortable shoes for a good part of the day, get sitting breaks & according to my husband, I'd need arch supports. My lower back kills me if I'm standing for too long & my toes were killing me when I got back. A carpeted floor might be okay as well. Good news is I broke in my new black high heels that I bought specifically for formal wear & in anticipation of extra work.

Aside from that, I'm officially doing fewer submissions. I might take gigs if asked & don't have schedule conflicts but I have to guard my image carefully. I don't want extra work obscuring other things I do. Even with over 100 people present, I was still the only natural redhead who looked like me. The person who helped with the attempted line breaker was the only person who even came close to me in appearance.

I think I've just about gotten the learning experience, which is the main reason I decided to do this in the first place. As a naturally observant person, I'll always take notes of who is professional vs. who's not & hopefully have more conversations w/people since that gives me insight on people's views, motivations, etc. I also think the experience has given me a general respect for background actors & direct insight into motivations that I might not have had.

Plus, I have to pick #5 carefully since after that, I'll no longer do any submissions. It will be a strict asking thing by that point. I've also still got job limbo issues to deal with so I figure my schedule could easily change up & I'd have no time anyway.

On another note, after I got home & settled I went to sleep and had an odd dream.

In the dream, my ex who was 14 years older than me was in it & had a younger brother. This sex buddy I had in college called him "dirty old man." Whether he was jealous or not, I have no idea. To my knowledge, the dirty old man ex didn't have a younger brother.

In this dream, my sister was having sexual relations with the younger brother. I happened to pass outside & see them in her bedroom through a window. At a separate point in the dream, I see her, the younger brother & a friend of hers naked on her bed. I was outside with my ex and in the dream, we weren't together. I asked him "When we were dating, did you think I was sexually adventurous?" I remember feeling that my sister was taking the crown away from me since my dream self (and my real self, for that matter) wouldn't do a threesome. He reassured me that I was & seemed somewhat concerned about the brother but not nearly as concerned as I was about my sister.

Now, I'd been wearing these pajama pants that were part of a set this ex got me for Christmas one year. It was the most a boyfriend had spent on me for a Christmas gift before my husband (he'd gotten me a lot of other clothes from the same place as well as some Sketchers sneakers, starting my love for Sketchers sneakers). I don't associate these clothes with this ex, they're just part of my wardrobe like anything else.

Anyway, I notice that there's a hole in the center of the back & point this out to my husband. I asked if he knew about it & he said no.

Later on, he pulls me onto his lap where I'm facing him. He decides to make this hole bigger & literally rips off the back of the pants. I told him he should buy me new ones; he was cool w/it.

I find it creepy that I'd had a dream about that ex & then that happened. No conscious thought trigger memories of that ex. The only thing might have been my niece's passing 2 years ago yesterday & my hanging around him the evening my brother in law died in 2003 despite our having broken up earlier in the year with no real closure. He proved he was capable of being a decent person that night & as I've not had much of that in life, I still appreciate that gesture since it gave me a sliver of faith in humanity. Plus, he's one of the few exes I don't wish harm on though I'd never try that being friends stuff. Symbolism? You decide.