Wednesday, May 14, 2014

What's With the Head Games?

Have you ever had to deal with people who offer to do something nice for you? You think "Oh, cool. I need this & it's appreciated." You tell the person as much & take their help since A) you could use it & B) you believe it might make that person feel bad if you reject their help.

So time passes and then the person bitches b/c they helped you & you indulged. What the fuck?

That's what I ask myself in that situation. When I was in college, a family friend's friends offered to help me with things. One offered to buy my groceries & said nothing to me about cost limits or what to buy or anything other than "I'm paying." With that, you'd get what you wanted & what you like, correct?

Later on, I find out through my mother that this person gets all pissed b/c of me buying what I want. Gee, how about not making an offer in the first place if you can't do it with a full heart? Better yet, if you have limits why not tell someone what those are beforehand? It's not like I lived off lobsters or brie or organic everything (and for the record I still don't).

This sort of thing is a huge pet peeve of mine. Why? Because it's a form of lying. You're lying to me when you do something like that. My mother even agreed with me on that conflict & my contention that if you say you're going to do something, then do it. If you have conditions or strings to impose, do that before someone is taking your offer of help. Otherwise it just makes you an asshole & a shitty person. I'd rather you not bother in the first place than get pissed at me because you had buyer's remorse. I'm not some helpless little kid who needs the world to solve her problems. I CAN take care of myself & am still mananging (takes a lot more than a peon such as my ex to bring me down).

And this person didn't even bring that beef directly to me. He goes to our family friend who then goes to my mother. You have to be thinking "No wonder she hates being infatalized! Look at what she had to deal with as a 19 year old adult in college living hundreds of miles away." We can't be an adult & talk to someone directly? We have to go act like a 5 year old & tattle to my Mommy?

Then, there's another serious gripe I have. That is people who air their business in a public setting & then expect others who read it not to comment.

I acknowledge that there are haters out there & have never gotten pissed at people for commenting on something I had posted in a public space. When my jerky in-laws dared to claim I had no 1st Amendment rights to speak or any right to an opinion when I had to deal with the ridiculousness last summer, I never said they had no right to comment or have an opinion on what I thought. I merely said where I posted my views was MY space, not someplace catering to their mentality & that they didn't have to read what I wrote then or what I'd write in the future if it offended them SOOOOO much. Never took anyone's voice away or tried censoring them.

I might think you're a moron or a tool or an asshole & not like what you have to say but I'm not going to be mad at you for the act of saying it.

I've had a few incidents online where people got pissed off by me daring to speak on something they posted in a public forum. Had someone yesterday do this on something that came up on MY social media feed. I pointed out that it came up on my feed & if she didn't want me to comment, she could have limited the view of the post or just blocked me. Realized today that there was an even better solution: she could have just sent a private group message to the people involved. A designer I worked with has done this when she had business to discuss with her models & not the entire friends' list.

Simple concept, right? So I see no need to bitch at me for commenting on a situation generally explaining why someone might have done what was complained about (since it seemed like such a foggy mystery to her why the people in question may have done something; as a business owner who isn't a moron, I rightly point out that someone with no ownership in an endeavor who's not getting paid & is paying to work with you isn't going to have the same passion/dedication/care as the person who DOES have that ownership) & engaging in personal attacks.

I could have said a lot of things to this person publicly but I stated that if she was indeed making a personal attack then she's a very shitty person. Because if you're making personal attacks against me NOW, you are indeed a very shitty person. Feeling a sense of accomplishment over that is like cheering because you shot a man who was already lying in the street dying. Big deal. A person who does that has zero character & is certainly not an adult. This was someone who's daring to trash me in the modeling game but who I don't see living in a penthouse in Manhattan or raking in billions. In fact, I've been doing it far less time so this person should probably ask herself what her excuse is for not being famous already.

Also, it seems to me like that's all this person has. I have an education, a business mind, some street smarts & far more emotional strength than the average person. I also have more skills and don't have to worry about petty bullshit like wondering what everyone else thinks of me. I also get the luxury of operating in my own realm since I'm unique & don't have the problem of walking into a room and finding a hundred girls who could pass for my twin or even my sister.

Is it not accurate to say if you post something publicly, you are opening yourself up to comment even if you don't like what's being said? I also felt the tone of what I commented on was inappropriate, alienating & it wouldn't inspire me to work with you if I hadn't before (it seemed far too scoldy to me). That's the stuff you deal with in private not air on a public feed for outsiders (friends or not) to see. If your skull is that fragile, it's time to rethink working in the entertainment industry.

Does this person think she can do some of the work she does & NOT have to deal with harassment, nasty remarks, etc.? How is she going to handle that stuff? Is she going to bitch at someone for daring to disagree or not thinking she's the most awesome, fabulous person out there?

These are the things a business owner has to think about if they ever hope to be effective. If you want things to be private, you need to MAKE THEM PRIVATE. Is that so hard to do? When I have a private thought or comment, I deal with it privately. I limit who can see things. I don't air my dirty laundry then bitch at someone for daring to make a comment.

This pisses me off since it's a form of censorship against me. If you've read this blog long enough, then you know how I feel about being censored. Lying and censorship? How many MORE sins do you want to commit against me to piss me off? If you don't want me to comment on something, then don't have it where I can see it. Simple solution. I get enough in my social media feeds without seeing pedantic bullshit I apparently have no right to have an opinion or comment on. Get it out of my face! More housecleaning.

I suppose riding myself of people who behave like 5 year olds or teenagers is a blessing in disguise. The basic rule with me is "say what you mean & mean what you say." If you can do that, you'll be great friends with me. If a guy I found desirable did that, I might even be able to fall in love with him.

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

The Fluidity of Life & Why Are People So Unhappy About Eating Out Alone?

I'm finding in this new normal that life is all about change & fluidity. Some people just don't fit into it; I can't deal with bullshit or anyone who's going to bring MORE tears, stress, heartache or hassle into my life. In fact, I think it's inhumane to expect me to put up with such things. At this point, I'm just getting used to the fact that life IS change. Things you thought were a certain way just aren't & people you thought were going to be around for a while sometimes disappoint you. However, I feel all experiences have a value (good or bad).

I still feel like I wasted a good chunk of my adult life in this marriage & committing to someone but at least I won't be making that mistake again. One friend told me I've gone from constantly talking about my husband to becoming negative. I pointed out that I DID warn him that was going to happen if my marriage fell apart. Probably an upside for HIM, though. He no longer has to lament on how I'm with a man who's not good enough for me (though one has to wonder just who he DOES think is good enough for me).

Trying to have multiple people around for comfort in these times since I think it's unfair to stick everything onto one person. I also like that now I get to warn people against relationships & marriage as well as cheer up those who want them so badly. The grass isn't always greener on the other side, you know. I realized I missed the excitement in my single life & getting to do new things, have new experiences, etc. Sucks when your spouse isn't open to doing new things & you're itching to go to a new restaurant or learn a new skill or something. Seems I'm also more of an optimist than I thought I was. Plain & simple, I just feel free.

Speaking of being free, I think that's also why I have no qualms about eating out alone. In fact, I embrace it since I like to have all the bread and all the chips for myself. It's MINE, damn it!!! I don't understand why people claim it's so bad. No one has ever given me a look of pity or shitty service because of it. Not sure if this is normal or not but I went to one place & saw a couple eating together right near me; I didn't feel the least bit wistful or envious about it. It was simply a relief to be able to go out alone.

However, that doesn't mean I don't appreciate a guy taking me out & paying for me. That's happened on occasion in my new life. Guy interest has been thick since the jerk kicked me out. Seems one man's trash is definitely another man's treasure (actually, more than one man's treasure since I get hit on a lot).

So happy today that now I can watch DVDs on the TV instead of on my laptop. When you're dealing with everything changing, little pleasures make you happy. I think eating alone is great since you can sit in your solitude & reflect on things. I liked doing it when I was going on road trips by myself & had to get dinner. Sometimes I felt like going to sit down restaurants and taking my time. It was always interesting to do that on my way to where I was going (mostly from Atlanta to NC or vice versa).

Oh, and another review you can read if you want:

Life doesn't stop because some jerk tried to take away everything you care about. If you take nothing else from this blog, at least take that when you read it.