Tuesday, May 11, 2010

And Now, For Some "Office Space" Inspired Humor

The bad economy & the shitty job market. Those are the only things you seem to hear about lately. It's especially running true for me.

Over the past few days, I saw an article on the worst things you can say at work + this one.

Having personally known people who hated their jobs & literally had NOTHING they could do to improve the situation along with the fact that I don't expect or demand absolute fealty from someone who does not own a share of my company, I thought of some humorous retorts to this stuff. Here goes:

Here are the true worst words to say at work:

1. "I don't feel like it."
2. "I'm going to kill you/blow this place up." Basically, threats to do some type of physical harm.
3. "We'll have a meeting/seminar on that issue." You know nothing's going to change afterward, right? This is just an attempt to save a company's reputation.
4. "Yes, Your Excellency." I think some people deserve it but I bet you'd get fired for saying it.
5. "I have a life outside of work."
6. "My, that's a lovely dress." For that matter, any insincere platitude or compliment. I just hate brown-nosers though I know others would rather have brainless suck-ups than smart truth tellers. You won't see me doing that; any compliment I give is sincere.
7. Anything humorous b/c corporate business people have NO sense of humor unless it's a creative field.

Hope that gives you a good laugh. The only real solution I see to getting out of certain jobs is getting another one. People I know who had really bad jobs had NO option to work in another department, talk to anyone for a promotion or do any networking. To the higher-ups, they were untouchable underlings not worthy of scrapping dog poop off people's shoes.

What if you're too busy? Find a loud-mouth family member who is good at highlighting your strong points & has some time to deal w/the phone calling nonsense. I did that for people I knew who were in dead-end jobs & they got interviews.

So I'd love to ask Anthony Balderrama (author of many of these career articles encouraging people to kow tow far too much to crappy employers) how he'd suggest someone in a dead-end position that is NOT office work handle things other than doing what people I knew did? Some employers do not care that you're getting an education & make Ebenezer Scrooge look like Santa Claus. Some workplaces are mired in bureaucracy & only promote people who follow XYZ script or for reasons OTHER than qualifications.

Those are the companies & employers who deserve to be publicly trashed; I've pointed out to people that if you screw someone in that regard, they'll take their degree to your competitor the nanosecond they finish in school. I certainly would have myself. I also hate bureaucracy; I don't have the patience for it.

I also think some people are wasted in their jobs & ought to be working as officials in the Taliban or as prison guards but that's another story. Man, I could riff on some of these stories all day long.

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