This particular story hits very close to home. In case you aren't familiar with it, he's one of these big shot Hollywood guys lots of indie people would give their eye teeth to meet. My own company apparently had talks with people who were trying to see about us getting meetings with them. I even met someone with a project who had a family member of his who'd offered to produce that project.
Now, stories about men harassing women in Hollywood are sadly old hat in my knowledge. I've heard about and known plenty to avoid, even within my own circle. I've even had guys ask me out who work in this industry in such capacities, to which I respond that they must have mistaken me for a star fucker or think I'm some skank who has to come across to get clients. I get very hostile and nasty about it to where I even added on a dating profile that you won't be dating me if you work in the same industry since I live by the saying "Don't shit where you eat."
As I've heard about more and more of this stuff and if you are hearing about this & thinking of working in this industry, you should ask yourself "At what price am I going to pay to get in this industry? Am I content with never moving into those upper echleons if I have morals and integrity for myself & refuse to play that shit? Can I be satisfied with where I am regardless?" In my case, after much thought my answer is "I'll make my way on my terms and in my way or I don't want it at all." I figure I'd probably end up biting that guy's dick off, hitting in some sensitive area (I've slapped a man for getting fresh before), ruining him big time. I'll bet some of these sleazebags would figure I'm way too mean and angry to let that shit stand or ever go away quietly. Also, as an attorney you have ethical duties not to cosign on societal BS or let other women get harmed; where I have opportunity to be the change and fuck over cretins, bet your butt I'll do it for someone who's got proof, credibility and so forth. You have to wield those swords carefully & know which one to pull out when and how far to swing them. Sometimes you just inform the people who are close or planning to work with that person; other times, you have to use public disclosure and the proper authorities.
This is a guy who was a "liberal hero" donating to queen Hillary and participating in that Women's March months back. So if you thought only conservatives and the ultra-right has cretins, you are dead wrong. I think it has to do with money and entitlement complexes as to why some guy does it. You can find plenty of beastly women as well such as queen Hillary and her anti-feminist, anti-women behavior towards her husband's victims as well as voters who didn't hand her the crown via their votes. It's like "Do I need more reasons to dislike rich people as a group? Must we further The Angry Redheaded Lawyer's classism concerns and assertions of moral superiority because she didn't have things handed to her in life & doesn't believe she can buy people?"
Hell, do I need more proof that rich guys are assholes I want zero to do with and if one ever did actually get love struck over me he'd have to fight against not just my own family's class prejudices but mine as well? I also feel the same way about MDs; they seem to think this lawyer is going to drop her drawers or respond to commands from them on dating sites. God help the MD or rich guy who isn't an asshole who tries getting my attention/interest. Most people's fairy tale mate would be discarded by me since I'd assume that person was arrogant or believed they could buy me.
Political labels mean shit since there are kind conservatives and asshole liberals. See above.
I think I have discovered the meaning of life despite not being screamingly old: it's happiness. You can't buy that, you can't teach yourself to do it or make yourself do it & it's something that if you haven't got, you'll be living in a prison regardless of what you do, what you have or where you come from. There are miserable rich people and happy poor people.
What I look at in these situations is the rule breakers and how they got places in spite of shit like this. I like to think not everyone who's rich or in Hollywood is a sexual predator or an entitled scumbag who thinks people can be bought & sold or moved around like pieces on a chess board. I think of people like Lucille Ball who had her own production company at a time when no woman was doing that & her husband was no white guy. She had to fight to get him on "I Love Lucy," in fact. Not a real redhead but that's the type of thing I look at in planning my life and career; since I know my path is different and the rules really don't apply to my reality, I simply plan my actions with that in mind. I read a post on LinkedIn about how these companies in Corporate America discriminate to this day against minority applicants based on looking at photographs & zip codes in the address on the resume. My brain went to "how do we fuck their system over & shame them?" Also, let's give them the finger then set up better businesses to compete and kill them by doing right what they royally screw up & fail at (and plenty of big companies fail at various things the right business owner could exploit).
My thought process is similar in doing my entertainment career. Give these pricks the finger, become known as a force who does it better & shames them horribly then make sure you don't do the same crap they do. Hold yourself to standards and give hand ups to the deserving and talented in the next generation. Teach others how to fight this shit & don't be a whining victim. I can rest easy with things I've done already and will keep doing though I feel I've not reached my apex yet. Never compromise your self-worth or your integrity or view yourself as "less than" because you didn't eat the old, moldy doughnut offered by these established companies.
Showing posts with label classism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label classism. Show all posts
Friday, October 6, 2017
Friday, December 28, 2012
Using Credit Scores to Find "the One": Are You a Fucking Idiot or a Classist Asshole?!
Does anyone remember that Freecreditscore.com commercial from a few years back? The one with the little song that goes:
Well, I married my dream girl
I married my dream girl...
and then talks about how they're living in his parent's basement because of her low credit score.
I was pissed off the first time I saw that commercial. I thought "Shallow asshole! How do you know she didn't have some legitimate situation causing it? Go fuck yourself."
So then I came across this story where the woman profiled was on a first date with a man who openly asks her "What's your credit score?" He proceeds to tell her that having a low credit score is a deal-breaker for him.
Time to enlighten some elitist assholes on how credit scores actually work:
1. Unless you're in a community property state, you don't marry other people's debt. Separate debt is the same thing as separate assets. Don't cosign for things & you won't have any problems.
2. We have a little concept calling renting & buying property using one person's record. You don't have to get a house or an apartment in your spouse's name if his/her credit is bad. There's no law requiring married couples to put everything in both their names, including bank accounts.
I refused to combine finances because of my father's habit of pulling money without telling my mother or documenting it in their checking account.
3. Student loan debts are ONLY the responsibility of the student who got them & anyone who cosigned for them. You didn't cosign for them? Then shut the fuck up about anyone's loans.
If your spouse dies and there's no cosigner to go after, the student loan lenders are out of luck. They can collect from the dead person's estate but if there's nothing there, they can't touch you living spouse.
Since my husband cosigned some of mine, I have life insurance to cover it so they won't bother him if anything happens to me before they can be paid off.
I find this practice totally deplorable (we'll get to why in a moment) but if you're going to demand someone to have perfect credit to marry or maybe even give you oral sex, at least know the damn laws & how they work. Be educated on the basics of how credit works & what responsibilities spouses do & do not have!
Here's why I think asking for credit scores or to see credit reports is a very shitty idea:
1. Identity theft. It does happen & it's very hard to get erroneous charges taken off your report. What if some illegal stole the person's social security number? You know enforcement of any of this shit is currently a pipe dream. Ask the people who've been through it. Their stories are everywhere.
I also wish someone would steal YOUR identity & not just mutilate your credit but make it so bad, you wouldn't get relief unless you staged your own death.
2. Classism. Being a lawyer who didn't come from some mega-millionaire family or have a trust fund, I have serious student loan debt. So do many other lawyers along with plenty of doctors, dentists and other professionals. Plenty of us couldn't pay six figures up front to go to school but had some aptitude to make it through & get our licenses.
Excuse the fuck out of me for not being born to money!!! That would be my response if you asked for my credit report/score, after I called you a classist asshole & went on a huge tirade about how you've violated my trust along with not bothering to listen when I talked about my upbringing and the resulting lack of trust in most people.
I'd probably also ask when you're going to present me with the pre-nup and you'd pretty much be looking at never getting to do anything remotely sexual with me again if you had before that point (that would be worse since then you'd have come at me with that from left field since I'd have never slept with someone I thought for a minute would ask me that).
I think I'd be mad enough to castrate that guy with my bare hands like that one woman did.
According to this reasoning I & every other person who came from a lower middle class background should have just not bothered getting an education and just become knocked up at 16. We shouldn't have bothered with getting good grades, leaving our hometowns or doing anything other than reliving a life we had no interest in. I think it's better for society at large that I'm doing what I do now instead of being another mother living in a trailer park, struggling from day to day & hating every moment of my existence. I would have turned that rage outward & people would have gotten hurt physically.
Lucky for everyone, I figured I could do better than that & actually did.
Yeah, telling that to someone from a background like mine will really endear you to that person. Except it will just create hatred (in my case, immense hatred). That's the sort of thing that gets you on people's death lists.
Even the Career Services rep I spoke to in law school backed off after learning I was the first in my entire family (including extended & in-laws) to go to law school & the first in my immediate family to have a college degree! If some guy can't & asks this shit, he'd sure better not whine to me about his dating problems or lack of eligible women for him.
3. Credit reports tell you nothing about things that really matter. Look at all those Wall Street execs who stole money from people. I'll bet you their credit scores were wonderful & they had spotless financial records. Bernie Madoff probably had spectacular credit.
How do you know the person with a great credit score isn't just good at cooking books? What if that person is making drugs like Walter White or actually part of organized crime? A good criminal will be covering his/her ass all the time. Do you honestly think that if they want a rich/good credit significant other that they can't manipulate records to make that happen?
Yeah, that shining credit score will do you wonders when your significant other is in prison or has to pay a ton of money in restitution because you didn't bother to consider things like character, ethics, moral codes, etc. If you watch Breaking Bad, you know even a criminal background check wouldn't help you in screening out that kind of person. Gus was considered a model citizen & Walter was the average guy who won big by gambling and used the money to get a business.
4. Shitty Life Circumstances. Judging people based on their medical health, getting out of a bad relationship or having to run up their credit card bill to keep food on the table (more classism) makes you the lowest of the low. You invite karmic justice on yourself for doing that.
What if some girl you met had been in a domestic violence situation? Way to empower her or encourage her to date again by telling her that because she left her abuser (who more likely had more money than her) & suffered a hit to her credit, that you deem her unworthy of a date! That's a whole cultural failing I won't even touch right now but I think a rational person can see where I'm going with this one.
Wouldn't you wish for the judger to get cancer or die already? I'd have to. "Being the better person," my butt! I didn't sign on to do that so I'll wish death on people if I want to.
If gay people are the same way with potential dates, it makes you want to just get one of those interactive sex dolls & tell every human being on the planet to take a hike. After all, they won't talk back & can't get pregnant.
Now I do happen to manage my money & for those whiny brats who say "But everyone breaks up over MONEY!!" and "Only someone with a bad score would say that," here's my response:
Look at how the person manages money from month to month. Do they constantly have to beg, borrow & cheat to pay their basic bills? Are they asking you for money early on?
Have they suffered a major crisis recently (maybe you should look at the person's normal circumstances vs. having to live off unemployment or recently having it run out)?
How are the bills that they can actually manage to pay (food, utilities, other basics) vs. the ones that are ridiculously burdensome like student loan debt? Are you going to dump some public interest attorney because (s)he doesn't have 3 grand a month to pay student loan debts & the interest?
Some people got private loans as part of their student loan debt & the policy of private student loan lenders is "Fuck you, pay me," when it comes to getting a forbearance or deferment once your sometimes very limited time runs out on them.
I also despise this high & mighty attitude I've read about people with high credit scores telling those with lower ones that they have to fix them or they won't marry them.
First off, Princess Grace you sure aren't perfect! For one thing, you are a bitch for telling someone that or daring to make such a demand. You also have zero clue of what marriage is about. You shouldn't even bother with "for better or for worse" in your vows since you only want some millionaire. Why don't you just slut it up for some guy with a higher credit score?
Oh, but he's probably married to someone with some character & wouldn't give your gold-digging ass the time of day! Same for any men making those demands on women with lower scores. You aren't Prince Charming; you're just a fair weather jerkoff & someone like me would never give you the time of day.
Second, a good relationship is not about trying to change people. If you're a saver who loves a spendthrift, you can either accept this person & not let them be in charge of the finances or move on & find a saver (I found a saver & a guy I didn't feel any urge to change).
No one can claim to love you if they're making ultimatums like that on you.
Third, a good relationship is about being supportive of someone. The person with the low score would be better off with any random person of their sexual preference that they bumped into during rush hour on the subway. The higher score person totally sounds like a wolf who'd turn on you in a second; why bother with that shit?
Basing someone's character, chemistry with you & ability to be in your corner on their credit score guarantees you will be alone for a long time if not forever (maybe you can find another shallow asshole who deserves to die).
I also think you deserve everything you get & want you to suffer so horribly, your condition makes my family look like millionaires. I'll then laugh, point & smile with a sense of self-satisfaction at karma working out without me having to get involved.
You might want to consider whether someone's going to have your back if something bad happened to you since life usually isn't smooth sailing, even for rich people. Finally, when you die your fate isn't determined by what your credit score was. It's determined by how you treated others in this life.
So remember that when you're suffering eternal punishment after you die, your high credit score will be worthless.
Well, I married my dream girl
I married my dream girl...
and then talks about how they're living in his parent's basement because of her low credit score.
I was pissed off the first time I saw that commercial. I thought "Shallow asshole! How do you know she didn't have some legitimate situation causing it? Go fuck yourself."
So then I came across this story where the woman profiled was on a first date with a man who openly asks her "What's your credit score?" He proceeds to tell her that having a low credit score is a deal-breaker for him.
Time to enlighten some elitist assholes on how credit scores actually work:
1. Unless you're in a community property state, you don't marry other people's debt. Separate debt is the same thing as separate assets. Don't cosign for things & you won't have any problems.
2. We have a little concept calling renting & buying property using one person's record. You don't have to get a house or an apartment in your spouse's name if his/her credit is bad. There's no law requiring married couples to put everything in both their names, including bank accounts.
I refused to combine finances because of my father's habit of pulling money without telling my mother or documenting it in their checking account.
3. Student loan debts are ONLY the responsibility of the student who got them & anyone who cosigned for them. You didn't cosign for them? Then shut the fuck up about anyone's loans.
If your spouse dies and there's no cosigner to go after, the student loan lenders are out of luck. They can collect from the dead person's estate but if there's nothing there, they can't touch you living spouse.
Since my husband cosigned some of mine, I have life insurance to cover it so they won't bother him if anything happens to me before they can be paid off.
I find this practice totally deplorable (we'll get to why in a moment) but if you're going to demand someone to have perfect credit to marry or maybe even give you oral sex, at least know the damn laws & how they work. Be educated on the basics of how credit works & what responsibilities spouses do & do not have!
Here's why I think asking for credit scores or to see credit reports is a very shitty idea:
1. Identity theft. It does happen & it's very hard to get erroneous charges taken off your report. What if some illegal stole the person's social security number? You know enforcement of any of this shit is currently a pipe dream. Ask the people who've been through it. Their stories are everywhere.
I also wish someone would steal YOUR identity & not just mutilate your credit but make it so bad, you wouldn't get relief unless you staged your own death.
2. Classism. Being a lawyer who didn't come from some mega-millionaire family or have a trust fund, I have serious student loan debt. So do many other lawyers along with plenty of doctors, dentists and other professionals. Plenty of us couldn't pay six figures up front to go to school but had some aptitude to make it through & get our licenses.
Excuse the fuck out of me for not being born to money!!! That would be my response if you asked for my credit report/score, after I called you a classist asshole & went on a huge tirade about how you've violated my trust along with not bothering to listen when I talked about my upbringing and the resulting lack of trust in most people.
I'd probably also ask when you're going to present me with the pre-nup and you'd pretty much be looking at never getting to do anything remotely sexual with me again if you had before that point (that would be worse since then you'd have come at me with that from left field since I'd have never slept with someone I thought for a minute would ask me that).
I think I'd be mad enough to castrate that guy with my bare hands like that one woman did.
According to this reasoning I & every other person who came from a lower middle class background should have just not bothered getting an education and just become knocked up at 16. We shouldn't have bothered with getting good grades, leaving our hometowns or doing anything other than reliving a life we had no interest in. I think it's better for society at large that I'm doing what I do now instead of being another mother living in a trailer park, struggling from day to day & hating every moment of my existence. I would have turned that rage outward & people would have gotten hurt physically.
Lucky for everyone, I figured I could do better than that & actually did.
Yeah, telling that to someone from a background like mine will really endear you to that person. Except it will just create hatred (in my case, immense hatred). That's the sort of thing that gets you on people's death lists.
Even the Career Services rep I spoke to in law school backed off after learning I was the first in my entire family (including extended & in-laws) to go to law school & the first in my immediate family to have a college degree! If some guy can't & asks this shit, he'd sure better not whine to me about his dating problems or lack of eligible women for him.
3. Credit reports tell you nothing about things that really matter. Look at all those Wall Street execs who stole money from people. I'll bet you their credit scores were wonderful & they had spotless financial records. Bernie Madoff probably had spectacular credit.
How do you know the person with a great credit score isn't just good at cooking books? What if that person is making drugs like Walter White or actually part of organized crime? A good criminal will be covering his/her ass all the time. Do you honestly think that if they want a rich/good credit significant other that they can't manipulate records to make that happen?
Yeah, that shining credit score will do you wonders when your significant other is in prison or has to pay a ton of money in restitution because you didn't bother to consider things like character, ethics, moral codes, etc. If you watch Breaking Bad, you know even a criminal background check wouldn't help you in screening out that kind of person. Gus was considered a model citizen & Walter was the average guy who won big by gambling and used the money to get a business.
4. Shitty Life Circumstances. Judging people based on their medical health, getting out of a bad relationship or having to run up their credit card bill to keep food on the table (more classism) makes you the lowest of the low. You invite karmic justice on yourself for doing that.
What if some girl you met had been in a domestic violence situation? Way to empower her or encourage her to date again by telling her that because she left her abuser (who more likely had more money than her) & suffered a hit to her credit, that you deem her unworthy of a date! That's a whole cultural failing I won't even touch right now but I think a rational person can see where I'm going with this one.
Wouldn't you wish for the judger to get cancer or die already? I'd have to. "Being the better person," my butt! I didn't sign on to do that so I'll wish death on people if I want to.
If gay people are the same way with potential dates, it makes you want to just get one of those interactive sex dolls & tell every human being on the planet to take a hike. After all, they won't talk back & can't get pregnant.
Now I do happen to manage my money & for those whiny brats who say "But everyone breaks up over MONEY!!" and "Only someone with a bad score would say that," here's my response:
Look at how the person manages money from month to month. Do they constantly have to beg, borrow & cheat to pay their basic bills? Are they asking you for money early on?
Have they suffered a major crisis recently (maybe you should look at the person's normal circumstances vs. having to live off unemployment or recently having it run out)?
How are the bills that they can actually manage to pay (food, utilities, other basics) vs. the ones that are ridiculously burdensome like student loan debt? Are you going to dump some public interest attorney because (s)he doesn't have 3 grand a month to pay student loan debts & the interest?
Some people got private loans as part of their student loan debt & the policy of private student loan lenders is "Fuck you, pay me," when it comes to getting a forbearance or deferment once your sometimes very limited time runs out on them.
I also despise this high & mighty attitude I've read about people with high credit scores telling those with lower ones that they have to fix them or they won't marry them.
First off, Princess Grace you sure aren't perfect! For one thing, you are a bitch for telling someone that or daring to make such a demand. You also have zero clue of what marriage is about. You shouldn't even bother with "for better or for worse" in your vows since you only want some millionaire. Why don't you just slut it up for some guy with a higher credit score?
Oh, but he's probably married to someone with some character & wouldn't give your gold-digging ass the time of day! Same for any men making those demands on women with lower scores. You aren't Prince Charming; you're just a fair weather jerkoff & someone like me would never give you the time of day.
Second, a good relationship is not about trying to change people. If you're a saver who loves a spendthrift, you can either accept this person & not let them be in charge of the finances or move on & find a saver (I found a saver & a guy I didn't feel any urge to change).
No one can claim to love you if they're making ultimatums like that on you.
Third, a good relationship is about being supportive of someone. The person with the low score would be better off with any random person of their sexual preference that they bumped into during rush hour on the subway. The higher score person totally sounds like a wolf who'd turn on you in a second; why bother with that shit?
Basing someone's character, chemistry with you & ability to be in your corner on their credit score guarantees you will be alone for a long time if not forever (maybe you can find another shallow asshole who deserves to die).
I also think you deserve everything you get & want you to suffer so horribly, your condition makes my family look like millionaires. I'll then laugh, point & smile with a sense of self-satisfaction at karma working out without me having to get involved.
You might want to consider whether someone's going to have your back if something bad happened to you since life usually isn't smooth sailing, even for rich people. Finally, when you die your fate isn't determined by what your credit score was. It's determined by how you treated others in this life.
So remember that when you're suffering eternal punishment after you die, your high credit score will be worthless.
Monday, June 25, 2012
Spell it Out, Sister! "50 Shades of Grey" and Classism
You're getting an extra entry at both fan behest & because I was downloading Prince songs. I also planned to go into the office today but worked at home b/c I didn't want to risk being struck by lightening on my walk to the subway as I walked under the trees on our sidewalk.
As you read before, my husband foisted 50 Shades of Grey upon me. I still stand by my statement that it's totally porno & that is the only reason it's on the NY Times Best Seller List. The porn aspect has also been the consensus among everyone I know who's read it. Furthermore, you're not reading it for the author's writing skills. I've heard multiple people say the writing was excruciating or plodding in some fashion. I promised to write a rant topic on it after I read it; a little late but it felt fitting to write it now.
I do give the author credit for a realistic ending for the first book. If it stopped there, my inner feminist would be happy since I like realism in my media. However, it doesn't. I, however, do since I know I'd be disappointed in the lead female character for going back to that situation. It also has some very negative commentary & I'd hate to think men believe all women are that way. Let me tell you right now, we aren't.
One thing that really pissed me off was the covering up of terms. I hear that in urban fiction, you will see the word "dick" to refer to the guy's private parts. However, if it's a white romance author you see things like "manhood" or "he inserted himself." In this book, "vagina" isn't used but "me" or "my sex" is.
Why are white people so damn bashful about sex (at least Americans or those from a puritanical culture like this British author; I'm sure the French are just fine with it)? I sure as hell can't write it credibly but maybe I've done too much of it & have the added baggage of my religion infused childhood blocking me. Any sex scene I ventured to write would have comedic elements, probably because some of my actual experiences did have comedy in them. I know my artistic limits & I'm pretty sure that's one of them.
Listen, sister: if you want to write a porn tome, don't be bashful. Be direct, damn it! Spell it out. You have adult readers. We aren't stupid. If you're going to be that graphic anyway, why censor that for us? Playboy's sex stories sure don't play that censorship. They spell it right out for you. None of their authors are bashful about it. They put it right in your face 100% & I'm sure make no apologies for it.
If you're going to "go there," why not take us all the way. There are Prince songs more graphic than this book. Seriously, though I would still pay money to go to a Prince soundtrack wedding (circa early career to mid-90s songs).
I was also looking for anal in it only to find none since that was mentioned in the book as something this guy liked to do. With all the buildup, you expected it to happen & it didn't.
One other thing: with the book written from the virgin female character's perspective (whose name also sounds like she just stepped off a porn set according to hubby), I totally understand how Psycho Boy lost his mind after we gave our virginity to each other. I did not lose my damn mind after I first had sex; I did not have illusions of turning some guy into a "flowers & hearts kind of guy" like this character does. She reminded me of Psycho Boy in his attempt to change me into a "flowers & hearts" kind of gal who'd go run off with him into the sunset. Getting that insight was interesting & I finally understood it more when my family claimed I ruined this guy. Sure, I was like "this is great" when I first did it but I had better later on (much, MUCH better in fact) & it was a lot about rebellion from the strict upbringing I had along with having a means to do it without having anyone I had to go to class with or deal with regularly finding out information I didn't want them to know. Man, if they knew some of that stuff I'd have never had any peace or quiet & would likely have been disappointed with lack of skills. You have to work to impress redheads. Case in point: Vampire Boy had far more sexual experience than me when I met him (he was my 3rd; I was his 10th) & he actually told me I was the best he'd ever had in that realm.
Personally, I don't think I ruined Psycho Boy even to this day considering I was prepared & deliberate in my choice to lose my virginity. If he wasn't, he shouldn't have lied to me about being mature enough to handle it. Not all women are trying to make a man into a "flowers & hearts kind of guy." We can be just as cold and unfeeling as any guy. Nor did I do anything I knew I'd regret later on.
Oh, and the money thing. I should mention the male lead in this book is a guy with tons of money & that's presented as part of this woman's attraction to him. Unlike many people, that shit doesn't impress me; it's more likely to piss me off. I remember dating my husband & saying that if he'd come from money, we wouldn't be together. In my view, the money thing goes to class & how you grew up. A person who grew up having to work for things due to lack of money has a very different mentality and mindset from someone who didn't (unless maybe that person wasn't coddled by their parents & there was no perk to having $ that factored into their upbringing like no bailouts or paying for college). I don't care how nice or compassionate you are about it; people from 2 different worlds on that end are never going to truly understand each other in a romantic context. It's just so much a part of who you are & how you handle situations as an adult that I don't think you can really understand it if you haven't lived it. I knew a rich guy would never be able to fully understand me & probably couldn't accept the fact that I wasn't going to be bought or take shit from him b/c of his net worth.
Not being able to fully understand someone means, in my book, that you can never truly love that person for himself/herself. Then if you can't love that person fully, how can you possibly have a future together? As my mind ran & still does, you can't! You just can't. It's the same thing with differences in education.
My own academic prowess & background is something so integral to who I am and what I believe in that if you weren't as educated or had that drive to get an education, you'd never fully get me. My own mother warned me about that when I was dating Psycho Boy & I feel that relationship proved that point.
That's not to say you couldn't be friends with people from different socioeconomic backgrounds. I have some myself; you just sort of have an unspoken agreement that you don't say or do certain things since you know it would be hitting below the belt.
Now to get sleep. Remember, if you're going to write graphic sex scenes go big or go home (as the saying goes)!
As you read before, my husband foisted 50 Shades of Grey upon me. I still stand by my statement that it's totally porno & that is the only reason it's on the NY Times Best Seller List. The porn aspect has also been the consensus among everyone I know who's read it. Furthermore, you're not reading it for the author's writing skills. I've heard multiple people say the writing was excruciating or plodding in some fashion. I promised to write a rant topic on it after I read it; a little late but it felt fitting to write it now.
I do give the author credit for a realistic ending for the first book. If it stopped there, my inner feminist would be happy since I like realism in my media. However, it doesn't. I, however, do since I know I'd be disappointed in the lead female character for going back to that situation. It also has some very negative commentary & I'd hate to think men believe all women are that way. Let me tell you right now, we aren't.
One thing that really pissed me off was the covering up of terms. I hear that in urban fiction, you will see the word "dick" to refer to the guy's private parts. However, if it's a white romance author you see things like "manhood" or "he inserted himself." In this book, "vagina" isn't used but "me" or "my sex" is.
Why are white people so damn bashful about sex (at least Americans or those from a puritanical culture like this British author; I'm sure the French are just fine with it)? I sure as hell can't write it credibly but maybe I've done too much of it & have the added baggage of my religion infused childhood blocking me. Any sex scene I ventured to write would have comedic elements, probably because some of my actual experiences did have comedy in them. I know my artistic limits & I'm pretty sure that's one of them.
Listen, sister: if you want to write a porn tome, don't be bashful. Be direct, damn it! Spell it out. You have adult readers. We aren't stupid. If you're going to be that graphic anyway, why censor that for us? Playboy's sex stories sure don't play that censorship. They spell it right out for you. None of their authors are bashful about it. They put it right in your face 100% & I'm sure make no apologies for it.
If you're going to "go there," why not take us all the way. There are Prince songs more graphic than this book. Seriously, though I would still pay money to go to a Prince soundtrack wedding (circa early career to mid-90s songs).
I was also looking for anal in it only to find none since that was mentioned in the book as something this guy liked to do. With all the buildup, you expected it to happen & it didn't.
One other thing: with the book written from the virgin female character's perspective (whose name also sounds like she just stepped off a porn set according to hubby), I totally understand how Psycho Boy lost his mind after we gave our virginity to each other. I did not lose my damn mind after I first had sex; I did not have illusions of turning some guy into a "flowers & hearts kind of guy" like this character does. She reminded me of Psycho Boy in his attempt to change me into a "flowers & hearts" kind of gal who'd go run off with him into the sunset. Getting that insight was interesting & I finally understood it more when my family claimed I ruined this guy. Sure, I was like "this is great" when I first did it but I had better later on (much, MUCH better in fact) & it was a lot about rebellion from the strict upbringing I had along with having a means to do it without having anyone I had to go to class with or deal with regularly finding out information I didn't want them to know. Man, if they knew some of that stuff I'd have never had any peace or quiet & would likely have been disappointed with lack of skills. You have to work to impress redheads. Case in point: Vampire Boy had far more sexual experience than me when I met him (he was my 3rd; I was his 10th) & he actually told me I was the best he'd ever had in that realm.
Personally, I don't think I ruined Psycho Boy even to this day considering I was prepared & deliberate in my choice to lose my virginity. If he wasn't, he shouldn't have lied to me about being mature enough to handle it. Not all women are trying to make a man into a "flowers & hearts kind of guy." We can be just as cold and unfeeling as any guy. Nor did I do anything I knew I'd regret later on.
Oh, and the money thing. I should mention the male lead in this book is a guy with tons of money & that's presented as part of this woman's attraction to him. Unlike many people, that shit doesn't impress me; it's more likely to piss me off. I remember dating my husband & saying that if he'd come from money, we wouldn't be together. In my view, the money thing goes to class & how you grew up. A person who grew up having to work for things due to lack of money has a very different mentality and mindset from someone who didn't (unless maybe that person wasn't coddled by their parents & there was no perk to having $ that factored into their upbringing like no bailouts or paying for college). I don't care how nice or compassionate you are about it; people from 2 different worlds on that end are never going to truly understand each other in a romantic context. It's just so much a part of who you are & how you handle situations as an adult that I don't think you can really understand it if you haven't lived it. I knew a rich guy would never be able to fully understand me & probably couldn't accept the fact that I wasn't going to be bought or take shit from him b/c of his net worth.
Not being able to fully understand someone means, in my book, that you can never truly love that person for himself/herself. Then if you can't love that person fully, how can you possibly have a future together? As my mind ran & still does, you can't! You just can't. It's the same thing with differences in education.
My own academic prowess & background is something so integral to who I am and what I believe in that if you weren't as educated or had that drive to get an education, you'd never fully get me. My own mother warned me about that when I was dating Psycho Boy & I feel that relationship proved that point.
That's not to say you couldn't be friends with people from different socioeconomic backgrounds. I have some myself; you just sort of have an unspoken agreement that you don't say or do certain things since you know it would be hitting below the belt.
Now to get sleep. Remember, if you're going to write graphic sex scenes go big or go home (as the saying goes)!
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Turning Lawyer Applicants Into Indentured Servants & A Serious Lesson in Business Etiquette
So, if you've done your homework before reading this blog you know that I have 2 different core audiences in the professional world: attorneys & entertainment professionals. This one's going to have something for both (though this is still ultimately the place where I can be myself; if you're fortunate enough to do this, you really should).
First off, NY state is soon to be the very first state in the US to require all new attorneys to undergo 50 hours of pro bono work before being admitted to the bar & provide certification of this to the bar examiners. This article is a good overview on the issue & addresses some things.
However, I feel the need to comment since I don't think it goes far enough & doesn't cover things I've said:
1. You may know I'm doing my first stint of Monday Night Law this year. If you read one of my earlier entries, you read about a conversation I overheard about someone being turned down for pro bono work she actually wanted to do & cared about b/c the organization only wanted BigLaw attorneys trying to meet their pro bono requirement.
Now what about these aspiring lawyers? They're not going to have malpractice insurance to cover them. If these organizations are so strapped for cash, they can't cover experienced attorneys volunteering then how are they going to cover these new folks?
2. Why should new attorneys get to be involved in programs to "get experience" when there are tons of unemployed attorneys who could use it? What about the attorneys who actually WANT to be there getting the experience & feeling good about doing it? Don't they count?
3. Let's expand on that that whole "reluctant volunteer" issue: many of these volunteer projects won't take new attorneys. Monday Night Law doesn't take attorneys admitted less than 2 years. Volunteer Lawyers for the Arts won't take you unless you've been a lawyer for 7 years (I'm heading into my 5th year, even though I've been doing far more in this business than their majority BigLaw volunteers probably have; reading Yelp reviews of them also makes me adamant about never recommending anyone I know there). Presumably, you want to take on pro bono work that might have relevance to what you want to do, right? Or maybe you'd like to do something you'd actually, oh I don't know, ENJOY?
What if there's no opportunity for that? Then what? Are we now subjecting people who can't afford legal counsel to bitter, miserable law students/graduates who are only there to get this pro bono requirement met & could care less about their problems or them as people? The requirement doesn't say "50 hours of pro bono work where you built rapport with clients" or "50 hours of pro bono work where you helped clients w/their matters." It just says "50 hours of pro bono work." Not a word about the quality of it.
I would hope that the students commenting on this article are right about people caring about using their schooling to help others but I can't help but wonder about the elitist types who don't want to be there, are miserable & will take it out on any organization they work with as well as any clients walking in the door. You know there are some.
I personally CHOSE what I did & don't regret it. Working at my school's legal clinic proved to me that I wasn't really cut out for the politics & craziness of a law firm. The helping people aspect was great (and that makes a lawyer feel better since if you're not in charge or a veteran lawyer, you're often made to feel useless, incompetent & like you've got a permanent case of two left feet or foot in mouth disease). The life lessons & war stories were great truths I use to this day. However, the stories I heard about law firms & the time I was yelled at by one of our professors in the second phase of my work there were enough for me to say "Nope, not happening for me."
There are some projects I would have no interest or desire in doing. Helping someone convicted of many sorts of crimes is one (rape, animal abuse, neglecting children, hate crimes, etc.). Anything dealing with illegal immigrants is another. I have some very personal beliefs on these subjects that would make representation by me not only ineffective but verboten under ethics rules (attorneys can't take cases where they will not be able to provide zealous advocacy or effective counsel due to personal biases, religious beliefs, etc.). If you have to subject someone to a more rigorous screening process than you would for something where you don't have personal biases, then you can't effectively counsel him/her.
These are some of the individuals lawyers come in contact with & the people society doesn't like or approve of do need legal counsel. However, I know there are certain cases I can't take & certain projects I wouldn't be a fit for. I'm sure there are attorneys who wouldn't be able to deal with some of the matters I have but that's why there's a little something for everyone. At least, when you're licensed.
4. Some schools apparently have some very competitive clinic & internship/externship programs. Fortunately, I didn't attend such a law school but I've read about places where if you aren't on law review or top of the class you won't get into any of the law school programs. If you're in that boat, then what do you do? Again, there's that problem of not getting the opportunity you want & being forced into something where you & everyone around you will be miserable.
I have to wonder if this is a "do good" way to project yet more elitism into NY bar admissions. No one's going to say "Oh, it's a bad idea to require lawyers to help the less fortunate," but if you're dealing with a lower ranked student at one of these schools with a competitive clinic/internship/externship program who then has no ability to meet the requirement (presuming the outside organizations also try instituting grade requirements, which isn't uncommon at some places & especially considering nearly all the decision makers in the legal field view GPA/class rank as the only way to determine one's value as a human being), you've just shut out the attorneys who are ranked lower in the class. You see where I might get that notion & why it could raise hackles?
5. Then, to get away from the issues I took with this requirement was the point brought up by many about the whole notion of indentured servitude of lawyers. In case you haven't heard, the legal job market sucks for new grads. Even BigLaw isn't taking all the top GPA/law review members & starting a business without money, contacts, etc. is extremely hard. Some of us are good hustlers. Some of us are great at networking. Some of us can get breaks by doing this stuff.
However, you can be a good networker & still have problems in this economy. You can't MAKE someone give you a job or an opportunity. You can't make someone do something they don't want to do. Plain & simple.
So I do think the people pointing out this being indentured servitude that the folk imposing this aren't going to have to do personally do make a good point. It does seem like you shouldn't outsource your own pro bono duties or even duties to help society/your fellow man in general to the attorney applicants, who really have no say in the matter & can't object.
In sum, I think it's a noble idea but misguided. You can't really force anyone to be a good citizen. It's either there or it isn't. Kind of like what my law school Ethics professor said in class. He said he couldn't instill Ethics into us as 20 somethings & either we had ethics or we didn't. Same goes for this. You've either got a sense of altruism & care about helping people or you don't. I don't think this requirement is going to make a selfish, elitist scumbag become Mother Teresa all of a sudden.
Plus, the people imposing this requirement ignore the issue of classism among the poor. Those people will know in a second if some aspiring NY bar applicant is being patronizing or just there to collect hours vs. really caring about their issue, empathetic to that client & "gets" it. It is a different world & if you don't brief people on it, they will give off a terrible impression to the client + may even discourage that client from ever seeking out a lawyer again. We know not everyone involved in pro bono projects cares about the work or the people coming for help.
So, that's a special lawyer issue that is definitely important to the community at large & I'd love to know what non-lawyers think about it, especially those who'd likely have to go to these organizations to get legal representation. I wonder if the Chief Justice is taking statements from those people directly; if not, he should consider them.
Now, we're going to look at business etiquette. Consider the following scenario:
You have an e-mail account that is not available to the general public. The only acceptable way someone would get the address is by A) getting your business card or headshot/resume (most likely from you), B) being a member of a bar association or networking group you belong to i.e. an attorney or entertainment professional, C) you initiating contact with the person.
I say "acceptable" to mean a method where it was okay for the person to reach out to you. Those who have this e-mail also know not to pass your information along without asking you first. The majority of your contacts are attorneys, entertainment professionals working behind the scenes or people you've told not to spread your info around without asking.
Attorneys & entertainment professionals generally don't share your info without asking since they get hassled enough by strangers & if they share your info without asking, they know you could (and probably would) do it right back to them. If they do it to lots of people, they will effectively get blackballed. Everyone knows this.
Another fact about this e-mail account: your full name is not associated with it. That means if you sent an e-mail to someone using it, they would not get your name unless you put it in there. You're extremely conscientious & paranoid about giving out your name to strangers since you come up first in a Google search. So, this account is one of those insider things.
Rule #1: Do NOT use a "secret" e-mail, phone number, fax number, screen name or social media account to contact a stranger. Assume a 98% chance that you will piss off that stranger. This is why getting lists of contacts for the entertainment industry doesn't really work if you don't have a personal friend/contact of that stranger that will vouch for you.
The same goes for lawyers who don't have law firms. Don't contact lawyer/film execs through a secret means. Secret means you wouldn't find it in an online search & have no one to vouch for you.
Rule #2: If you spam someone, be prepared to tell the person how you got that secret means of communication, apologize & take what's coming to you. You ARE in the wrong. Make no mistake about it.
Rule #3: If you're going to send your newsletters/updates/impersonal correspondence to a stranger, be prepared to accept any such correspondence that stranger may send. This includes information about fundraising campaigns for films, newsletters & any other business correspondence. If you want someone to care about YOUR company/updates/life, you'll have to do the same for your recipients. This is life.
Rule #4: If the stranger reaches out to you about networking & says you may be a useful contact (especially where that strangers is someone who could hire your clients), you seize that opportunity to be friendly. If that person was someone you chose to target with your materials, any rational person would conclude that you are open to networking with said person. After all, why waste your time with people you don't see an opportunity in dealing with?
Rule #5: Follow up with people who could hire your clients or otherwise help your business. To only look at the present time & not the long term future is stupid. For those in the entertainment field: not networking with entertainment lawyers is stupid, presumptuous & will screw you sooner or later.
Most entertainment folk know better than to snub lawyers; even your newest actors tend to be at least polite to entertainment law attorneys. As one person told me once, we serve a useful & important function. Don't you fucking forget it; if you're going to do anything professionally in entertainment, you will need us. It's just a matter of time. Find someone who makes a living in the entertainment field who doesn't have a lawyer or an agent/manager who is a licensed attorney. I dare you.
And as you don't piss off entertainment lawyers in general, you don't piss off someone who knows a lot of attorneys & has extensive contacts in entertainment law. Guess who most of my lawyer contacts are? Entertainment law attorneys. Common interests, people.
I also look out for my friends & if I hear they're going to be working with someone I know is a jerk, I'll be saying something.
Back to the scenario:
You get a newsletter from a total stranger in this "secret" e-mail account. It contains your full name in the Recipient line. You don't know the name in any context. This isn't a LinkedIn contact, a member of a LinkedIn group, a business contact, a lawyer or someone who'd have a legitimate reason to have your e-mail. Nor did this person acknowledge that they're sending you this thing & don't know you.
In doing your homework, you learn this person could be a good contact & might be able to answer a simple informational question. Sort of a cross between informational interview & "What's it like to do X?" inquiry. You get a response by phone then send your info so the person can do their research on you.
You hear nothing. Then, you take an opportunity to meet this spammer/potentially useful contact in person. Figuring maybe this person's busy, you're not too phased with a lack of response to your e-mail. After all, you know people in this stranger's line of work tend to be busy.
When you hear this person speak, you get an impression of competence & the person does have some sense of humor.
However, you ask this person directly about what you wrote in e-mail & guess what the stranger does? The stranger attempts to recruit you for one on one time & charge you money for it.
Remember, this person reached out to YOU & had no way of having your private e-mail account. You asked everyone who had that personal e-mail that may have dealt with this stranger & no one knew this person. Presuming professionals aren't going to send out your info for you to get spammed & that these individuals have no personal animus toward you to get your name added onto a spam list, you have to conclude that the stranger is not only a spammer but a total asshole. This was NOT you making first contact & then trying to get a freebie.
Who was this person, you may ask? Well, as I feel it's my duty to inform those I know in the business about professionalism & counter the BS where I can I'll tell you. That would be Jenn Lederer of The Dream Management. Her competence is not a concern for me (the typical reason I'd not work with someone in this business). It's her lack of business etiquette.
I also wonder how much respect she actually has for lawyers considering when I saw her speak, she told actors to see about getting a writing to get reel footage for student films but that the filmmakers could choose at their leisure whether to give it up or not. Not wanting to announce to the entire room my entire resume or background, I thought loudly "That's a contract! If these people don't act, the performer could sue & maybe even get an injunction against the film getting a distribution deal, going to festivals, etc. At the very least, they might be able to get some money. Depends on what this contract says & what you include or not."
I've also told people not to waste their time with anyone who won't sign contracts or freaks out when you mention discussing the work with your lawyer or manager since that shouts "unprofessional." Even on my company's no budget, no name films you'd better believe there were contracts. That "smile & a handshake" stuff doesn't cut it if you want to be a working professional in entertainment. No professional I've met has EVER said this to an actor & or devalued lawyers in this way.
This leads to Rule #6, which is especially for renaissance people: various careers or sides of a person don't exist in a vacuum. If you think I'm not going to use knowledge I get about you in the context of my film company work or legal work, then woe unto you. Treat me like shit in some other context & like every single other professional who works behind the scenes in entertainment, I will take notes & make sure you're not subjecting my team to your crap. We have no patience or time to be magnanimous, nor should that be expected of us. Demanding it from us definitely won't get you anywhere. That's why such complaints don't impress me.
My lawyer side doesn't vanish just because I'm doing an acting gig. That producer trainee/film exec side doesn't go away if I'm at a lawyer event. I watch how you conduct yourself, how you treat people, what you say, etc. Renaissance people are the people you'd better be impressing hardest since we ARE doing so much stuff & probably have more contacts among so many areas than the average person. We could help you or we could ruin you.
I'm hardly an unreasonable person, overly sensitive or insist on ego stroking but don't you find that screwed up? I don't even know of an attorney charging law grads, new lawyers or anyone else for informational interviews or networking meetings (and you'd expect that from the dreaded lawyers; hell, I could make a fortune from it if I were an asshole). I could guarantee most lawyers' busy schedules would put her own schedule to shame, no matter how busy she is. I also wrote her the next day to mention these truths to her (I also mentioned being from NC & having friends + family living there considering she'd claimed people in NC had no souls during her talk to see if she gets that maybe I'd find it offensive).
If she apologized, it would be all good but since she has not, I'm afraid her actors won't be working with my company. After all, if she's that disrespectful to me a.k.a. "the enforcer," how's she going to treat a producer or director? Is she just going to further actor/director conflicts vs. helping find a solution? That's what I feel like she'd end up doing.
I should however, thank the acting coach who had her speak since I likely wouldn't have been able to have that conversation in any other forum & it saved me a lot of time and headaches. John Pallotta, you're awesome (and he is, really).
So kids, you violate business etiquette at your own peril. If you think you don't need to learn it, think again. Remember, I'm one of those easygoing, non-asshole lawyers who acts like a real person. Imagine how I'd react to this if I were a stereotypical lawyer. Imagine if she were a law firm associate pulling this mess with a law firm partner.
First off, NY state is soon to be the very first state in the US to require all new attorneys to undergo 50 hours of pro bono work before being admitted to the bar & provide certification of this to the bar examiners. This article is a good overview on the issue & addresses some things.
However, I feel the need to comment since I don't think it goes far enough & doesn't cover things I've said:
1. You may know I'm doing my first stint of Monday Night Law this year. If you read one of my earlier entries, you read about a conversation I overheard about someone being turned down for pro bono work she actually wanted to do & cared about b/c the organization only wanted BigLaw attorneys trying to meet their pro bono requirement.
Now what about these aspiring lawyers? They're not going to have malpractice insurance to cover them. If these organizations are so strapped for cash, they can't cover experienced attorneys volunteering then how are they going to cover these new folks?
2. Why should new attorneys get to be involved in programs to "get experience" when there are tons of unemployed attorneys who could use it? What about the attorneys who actually WANT to be there getting the experience & feeling good about doing it? Don't they count?
3. Let's expand on that that whole "reluctant volunteer" issue: many of these volunteer projects won't take new attorneys. Monday Night Law doesn't take attorneys admitted less than 2 years. Volunteer Lawyers for the Arts won't take you unless you've been a lawyer for 7 years (I'm heading into my 5th year, even though I've been doing far more in this business than their majority BigLaw volunteers probably have; reading Yelp reviews of them also makes me adamant about never recommending anyone I know there). Presumably, you want to take on pro bono work that might have relevance to what you want to do, right? Or maybe you'd like to do something you'd actually, oh I don't know, ENJOY?
What if there's no opportunity for that? Then what? Are we now subjecting people who can't afford legal counsel to bitter, miserable law students/graduates who are only there to get this pro bono requirement met & could care less about their problems or them as people? The requirement doesn't say "50 hours of pro bono work where you built rapport with clients" or "50 hours of pro bono work where you helped clients w/their matters." It just says "50 hours of pro bono work." Not a word about the quality of it.
I would hope that the students commenting on this article are right about people caring about using their schooling to help others but I can't help but wonder about the elitist types who don't want to be there, are miserable & will take it out on any organization they work with as well as any clients walking in the door. You know there are some.
I personally CHOSE what I did & don't regret it. Working at my school's legal clinic proved to me that I wasn't really cut out for the politics & craziness of a law firm. The helping people aspect was great (and that makes a lawyer feel better since if you're not in charge or a veteran lawyer, you're often made to feel useless, incompetent & like you've got a permanent case of two left feet or foot in mouth disease). The life lessons & war stories were great truths I use to this day. However, the stories I heard about law firms & the time I was yelled at by one of our professors in the second phase of my work there were enough for me to say "Nope, not happening for me."
There are some projects I would have no interest or desire in doing. Helping someone convicted of many sorts of crimes is one (rape, animal abuse, neglecting children, hate crimes, etc.). Anything dealing with illegal immigrants is another. I have some very personal beliefs on these subjects that would make representation by me not only ineffective but verboten under ethics rules (attorneys can't take cases where they will not be able to provide zealous advocacy or effective counsel due to personal biases, religious beliefs, etc.). If you have to subject someone to a more rigorous screening process than you would for something where you don't have personal biases, then you can't effectively counsel him/her.
These are some of the individuals lawyers come in contact with & the people society doesn't like or approve of do need legal counsel. However, I know there are certain cases I can't take & certain projects I wouldn't be a fit for. I'm sure there are attorneys who wouldn't be able to deal with some of the matters I have but that's why there's a little something for everyone. At least, when you're licensed.
4. Some schools apparently have some very competitive clinic & internship/externship programs. Fortunately, I didn't attend such a law school but I've read about places where if you aren't on law review or top of the class you won't get into any of the law school programs. If you're in that boat, then what do you do? Again, there's that problem of not getting the opportunity you want & being forced into something where you & everyone around you will be miserable.
I have to wonder if this is a "do good" way to project yet more elitism into NY bar admissions. No one's going to say "Oh, it's a bad idea to require lawyers to help the less fortunate," but if you're dealing with a lower ranked student at one of these schools with a competitive clinic/internship/externship program who then has no ability to meet the requirement (presuming the outside organizations also try instituting grade requirements, which isn't uncommon at some places & especially considering nearly all the decision makers in the legal field view GPA/class rank as the only way to determine one's value as a human being), you've just shut out the attorneys who are ranked lower in the class. You see where I might get that notion & why it could raise hackles?
5. Then, to get away from the issues I took with this requirement was the point brought up by many about the whole notion of indentured servitude of lawyers. In case you haven't heard, the legal job market sucks for new grads. Even BigLaw isn't taking all the top GPA/law review members & starting a business without money, contacts, etc. is extremely hard. Some of us are good hustlers. Some of us are great at networking. Some of us can get breaks by doing this stuff.
However, you can be a good networker & still have problems in this economy. You can't MAKE someone give you a job or an opportunity. You can't make someone do something they don't want to do. Plain & simple.
So I do think the people pointing out this being indentured servitude that the folk imposing this aren't going to have to do personally do make a good point. It does seem like you shouldn't outsource your own pro bono duties or even duties to help society/your fellow man in general to the attorney applicants, who really have no say in the matter & can't object.
In sum, I think it's a noble idea but misguided. You can't really force anyone to be a good citizen. It's either there or it isn't. Kind of like what my law school Ethics professor said in class. He said he couldn't instill Ethics into us as 20 somethings & either we had ethics or we didn't. Same goes for this. You've either got a sense of altruism & care about helping people or you don't. I don't think this requirement is going to make a selfish, elitist scumbag become Mother Teresa all of a sudden.
Plus, the people imposing this requirement ignore the issue of classism among the poor. Those people will know in a second if some aspiring NY bar applicant is being patronizing or just there to collect hours vs. really caring about their issue, empathetic to that client & "gets" it. It is a different world & if you don't brief people on it, they will give off a terrible impression to the client + may even discourage that client from ever seeking out a lawyer again. We know not everyone involved in pro bono projects cares about the work or the people coming for help.
So, that's a special lawyer issue that is definitely important to the community at large & I'd love to know what non-lawyers think about it, especially those who'd likely have to go to these organizations to get legal representation. I wonder if the Chief Justice is taking statements from those people directly; if not, he should consider them.
Now, we're going to look at business etiquette. Consider the following scenario:
You have an e-mail account that is not available to the general public. The only acceptable way someone would get the address is by A) getting your business card or headshot/resume (most likely from you), B) being a member of a bar association or networking group you belong to i.e. an attorney or entertainment professional, C) you initiating contact with the person.
I say "acceptable" to mean a method where it was okay for the person to reach out to you. Those who have this e-mail also know not to pass your information along without asking you first. The majority of your contacts are attorneys, entertainment professionals working behind the scenes or people you've told not to spread your info around without asking.
Attorneys & entertainment professionals generally don't share your info without asking since they get hassled enough by strangers & if they share your info without asking, they know you could (and probably would) do it right back to them. If they do it to lots of people, they will effectively get blackballed. Everyone knows this.
Another fact about this e-mail account: your full name is not associated with it. That means if you sent an e-mail to someone using it, they would not get your name unless you put it in there. You're extremely conscientious & paranoid about giving out your name to strangers since you come up first in a Google search. So, this account is one of those insider things.
Rule #1: Do NOT use a "secret" e-mail, phone number, fax number, screen name or social media account to contact a stranger. Assume a 98% chance that you will piss off that stranger. This is why getting lists of contacts for the entertainment industry doesn't really work if you don't have a personal friend/contact of that stranger that will vouch for you.
The same goes for lawyers who don't have law firms. Don't contact lawyer/film execs through a secret means. Secret means you wouldn't find it in an online search & have no one to vouch for you.
Rule #2: If you spam someone, be prepared to tell the person how you got that secret means of communication, apologize & take what's coming to you. You ARE in the wrong. Make no mistake about it.
Rule #3: If you're going to send your newsletters/updates/impersonal correspondence to a stranger, be prepared to accept any such correspondence that stranger may send. This includes information about fundraising campaigns for films, newsletters & any other business correspondence. If you want someone to care about YOUR company/updates/life, you'll have to do the same for your recipients. This is life.
Rule #4: If the stranger reaches out to you about networking & says you may be a useful contact (especially where that strangers is someone who could hire your clients), you seize that opportunity to be friendly. If that person was someone you chose to target with your materials, any rational person would conclude that you are open to networking with said person. After all, why waste your time with people you don't see an opportunity in dealing with?
Rule #5: Follow up with people who could hire your clients or otherwise help your business. To only look at the present time & not the long term future is stupid. For those in the entertainment field: not networking with entertainment lawyers is stupid, presumptuous & will screw you sooner or later.
Most entertainment folk know better than to snub lawyers; even your newest actors tend to be at least polite to entertainment law attorneys. As one person told me once, we serve a useful & important function. Don't you fucking forget it; if you're going to do anything professionally in entertainment, you will need us. It's just a matter of time. Find someone who makes a living in the entertainment field who doesn't have a lawyer or an agent/manager who is a licensed attorney. I dare you.
And as you don't piss off entertainment lawyers in general, you don't piss off someone who knows a lot of attorneys & has extensive contacts in entertainment law. Guess who most of my lawyer contacts are? Entertainment law attorneys. Common interests, people.
I also look out for my friends & if I hear they're going to be working with someone I know is a jerk, I'll be saying something.
Back to the scenario:
You get a newsletter from a total stranger in this "secret" e-mail account. It contains your full name in the Recipient line. You don't know the name in any context. This isn't a LinkedIn contact, a member of a LinkedIn group, a business contact, a lawyer or someone who'd have a legitimate reason to have your e-mail. Nor did this person acknowledge that they're sending you this thing & don't know you.
In doing your homework, you learn this person could be a good contact & might be able to answer a simple informational question. Sort of a cross between informational interview & "What's it like to do X?" inquiry. You get a response by phone then send your info so the person can do their research on you.
You hear nothing. Then, you take an opportunity to meet this spammer/potentially useful contact in person. Figuring maybe this person's busy, you're not too phased with a lack of response to your e-mail. After all, you know people in this stranger's line of work tend to be busy.
When you hear this person speak, you get an impression of competence & the person does have some sense of humor.
However, you ask this person directly about what you wrote in e-mail & guess what the stranger does? The stranger attempts to recruit you for one on one time & charge you money for it.
Remember, this person reached out to YOU & had no way of having your private e-mail account. You asked everyone who had that personal e-mail that may have dealt with this stranger & no one knew this person. Presuming professionals aren't going to send out your info for you to get spammed & that these individuals have no personal animus toward you to get your name added onto a spam list, you have to conclude that the stranger is not only a spammer but a total asshole. This was NOT you making first contact & then trying to get a freebie.
Who was this person, you may ask? Well, as I feel it's my duty to inform those I know in the business about professionalism & counter the BS where I can I'll tell you. That would be Jenn Lederer of The Dream Management. Her competence is not a concern for me (the typical reason I'd not work with someone in this business). It's her lack of business etiquette.
I also wonder how much respect she actually has for lawyers considering when I saw her speak, she told actors to see about getting a writing to get reel footage for student films but that the filmmakers could choose at their leisure whether to give it up or not. Not wanting to announce to the entire room my entire resume or background, I thought loudly "That's a contract! If these people don't act, the performer could sue & maybe even get an injunction against the film getting a distribution deal, going to festivals, etc. At the very least, they might be able to get some money. Depends on what this contract says & what you include or not."
I've also told people not to waste their time with anyone who won't sign contracts or freaks out when you mention discussing the work with your lawyer or manager since that shouts "unprofessional." Even on my company's no budget, no name films you'd better believe there were contracts. That "smile & a handshake" stuff doesn't cut it if you want to be a working professional in entertainment. No professional I've met has EVER said this to an actor & or devalued lawyers in this way.
This leads to Rule #6, which is especially for renaissance people: various careers or sides of a person don't exist in a vacuum. If you think I'm not going to use knowledge I get about you in the context of my film company work or legal work, then woe unto you. Treat me like shit in some other context & like every single other professional who works behind the scenes in entertainment, I will take notes & make sure you're not subjecting my team to your crap. We have no patience or time to be magnanimous, nor should that be expected of us. Demanding it from us definitely won't get you anywhere. That's why such complaints don't impress me.
My lawyer side doesn't vanish just because I'm doing an acting gig. That producer trainee/film exec side doesn't go away if I'm at a lawyer event. I watch how you conduct yourself, how you treat people, what you say, etc. Renaissance people are the people you'd better be impressing hardest since we ARE doing so much stuff & probably have more contacts among so many areas than the average person. We could help you or we could ruin you.
I'm hardly an unreasonable person, overly sensitive or insist on ego stroking but don't you find that screwed up? I don't even know of an attorney charging law grads, new lawyers or anyone else for informational interviews or networking meetings (and you'd expect that from the dreaded lawyers; hell, I could make a fortune from it if I were an asshole). I could guarantee most lawyers' busy schedules would put her own schedule to shame, no matter how busy she is. I also wrote her the next day to mention these truths to her (I also mentioned being from NC & having friends + family living there considering she'd claimed people in NC had no souls during her talk to see if she gets that maybe I'd find it offensive).
If she apologized, it would be all good but since she has not, I'm afraid her actors won't be working with my company. After all, if she's that disrespectful to me a.k.a. "the enforcer," how's she going to treat a producer or director? Is she just going to further actor/director conflicts vs. helping find a solution? That's what I feel like she'd end up doing.
I should however, thank the acting coach who had her speak since I likely wouldn't have been able to have that conversation in any other forum & it saved me a lot of time and headaches. John Pallotta, you're awesome (and he is, really).
So kids, you violate business etiquette at your own peril. If you think you don't need to learn it, think again. Remember, I'm one of those easygoing, non-asshole lawyers who acts like a real person. Imagine how I'd react to this if I were a stereotypical lawyer. Imagine if she were a law firm associate pulling this mess with a law firm partner.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Shady Ethics & How to Screw Up a Networking Event
I've been having a post in me that I've been dying to get out of me for over a week now. Since doing this full time temp job, it's been my conclusion that the conspiracy Michael Moore was talking about against young people & student loans in Capitalism: A Love Story isn't with the student loan debts. No, I believe that conspiracy is having people work full time & full time+ hours (40 hours a week & more). See I think this is a conspiracy b/c once you're putting in all those hours, you don't have a lot of time to just sit & relax, much less ponder the great questions of life or participate in protests. Case in point: I've not been able to write that blog post that's been sitting there b/c I like having a life away from the computer & have to do little mundane tasks like wash dishes, pick out my outfit for the next day, etc.
So, universe let's get one thing straight right now: I don't need any more signs that the emperor has no clothes on. At least, I don't need this with respect to the great & vaulted BigLaw attorneys (notice my dripping sarcasm here). Here's the story:
Last week, I go to a session of Monday Night Law. I'm volunteering for it at City Bar for my first year, largely because I identify with the demographic it targets. In fact, I come from that demographic. My family & childhood acquaintances aren't living in cardboard boxes & eating garbage out of trash cans but they couldn't afford the market rates for legal services either.
I learn 2 things in my last experience there:
1. A lot of legal aid organizations are utter assholes to lawyers who wish to volunteer unless they come from BigLaw & are seeking pro bono credits. Now, the head of Monday Night Law was saying that one reason these groups have that requirement is because it's easier in terms of malpractice insurance: those lawyers are covered by those firms while I'm sure coverage is less for solos & people from smaller firms.
Okay, good point. Not one I'd have thought of as someone who came from the background. But here's one I bet they haven't considered: psychological studies show that people develop more trust & confide more in those who are like them. This could mean same race, age, gender but most definitely can mean social class.
I'm pretty sure the heads of these groups have ignored the fact that the poor are just as classist & can be just as snobby as any rich person you want to accuse of it. We even saw this play out in Pretty in Pink.
Do you want living proof? My parents, ladies & gentlemen! I've discussed my background pretty heavily here as well as my experiences in college with people whose parents generally had fewer money problems than mine. My parents & certainly many other people on the lower end of the socioeconomic ladder think "more money = happiness & a problem free life." For them, their problems would vanish if you gave them a few million bucks after taxes. I know this from comments they have made about friends of mine whose parents had more money & I saw it firsthand when my former friend got the house my mother wanted b/c "her daddy bought it for her."
So, do you really think someone like my parents (especially my mother) is going to confide in, trust or take seriously some Harvard/Yale/T10 grad working at Skadden, Paul Weiss or any of those other large outfits? If you do, you're a fucking retard. Sorry but that's precisely what you are.
Now those who've read this blog know that I don't hate everyone who's got money. I also know for a fact there are some BigLaw folks who aren't morally corrupt assholes b/c I have met them. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt & judge them based on their own merits vs. stereotypes & assumptions about groups.
But you can be the nicest, sweetest, most empathetic person on the planet & so long as you're wearing a Rolex, work at one of these big firms or have a six figure salary, someone like my mother isn't going to take you seriously. They will dismiss you as a clueless person at best. At worst, you're going to be thought of a patronizing jerk who's only pretending you give a shit about them so you can get your gold star.
That sort of perception does not make for a relationship where a client will feel compelled to confide in you & certainly won't encourage honesty. I'm talking from real life experience. You don't take someone like me who understands this basic principle & just go for the BigLaw crowd? You're incredibly shitty at running your project & will have zero credibility with the very people you're trying to help. You're just creating an unnecessary boundary between the lawyers & the people you want to help while failing them both.
I didn't pipe up in this conversation but later on, I kind of wish I had. I'm sure if I hear one again, I certainly will & will have to make those points. When I made them with a rep of the National Lawyers Guild in law school, that rep agreed with me.
2. All that fawning you see most of the legal community doing over BigLaw & its ilk? Don't fall for it at all. I learned of a BigLaw cretin who's in the very same bar association who's probably defending the enemies of the Occupy movement who drink champagne while having hobo parties & dressing up like "the poor people" (if this scumbag isn't also participating in that). This guy is apparently violating the ethical obligations of our bar to a tremendous & appalling degree. In fact, this guy should thank his lucky stars I've not become a vigilante (and as long as great stuff keeps happening for me, I won't have to). If I were, I'd have to take him out for the good of humanity, the legal field & on good moral principle.
I would bet a trillion dollars that b/c of this guy's being in BigLaw, the ethics committee would look the other way if he were complained about while they'd go on kicking people out of the field or denying admission to the bar for far lesser things, including having the gall to want to be a lawyer without coming from a family that can provide you a trust fund. I've heard of various committees just looking the other way while people best described as "little shits" did all sorts of things that would make any functional person & maybe a few crazies say "Why would you let that person be a lawyer?" while I get harassed over credit card debt acquired for my basic survival b/c I didn't come from money, can't possibly repay it without getting admitted to the bar & have NOTHING else on my record to criticize.
If you ask me, there's most definitely a different law & standard if you're a lawyer from money vs. one who isn't. I think that's disgusting. I'd like to be proven wrong but this cynic won't be convinced until she stops hearing of lawyers being disbarred for defaulting on student loans & zero word about whether it was because they had no means to repay them (Hello, there's a massive unemployment rate right now in the legal field!) or they had a well paying job, assets, other ways to pay & were just ducking out on them.
Basically, I learned a long time ago not to exalt anyone & certainly not to consider any institution infallible. The emperor isn't just naked to me. To me, the emperor is naked & impotent.
To my husband, the emperor is naked, impotent & masturbating in a corner somewhere.
When I say there's fawning of these types, I don't simply mean special perks or flattery. I'm talking about flattery to the extent that other lawyers are made to feel like second class citizens.
This is how I feel when I deal with most bar associations. In fact, I'm pretty sure this could explain why I & other entertainment law attorneys who aren't part of that snobbery or BigLaw don't deal with bar associations. Let's face it, our jobs are also a hell of a lot cooler than theirs. Most of them also aren't happy if you ask them about it. Gee, would YOU want to go someplace where you were made to feel like a second class citizen? If I didn't personally know higher ups at the associations I belong to who directly told me they welcomed my presence & to be myself i.e. accepting me as my anti-lawyer self, I'd never show up.
On another note of ethics, I'd like to know why pharmacists & their employees are continuing to keep jobs & licenses while playing moral majority when it comes to contraceptives & Plan B. I read this recently about the misinformation pharmacies are spreading to 17 year olds & even their doctors about getting Plan B.
You know, if you have moral objections to Plan B or anything else that could be prescribed to someone it's called "Get another damn job!" If I represented a criminal that I had prejudice against like a rapist or a neglectful mother & then lied about the laws to the client, didn't do my duty & generally didn't "zealously" represent my client, I'd get punished by the state bar. In fact, a lawyer could get disbarred for doing that.
The grievance committee wouldn't let you get a pass based on your religious beliefs, either. They'd say "Tough shit. You are a LAWYER. Your ethical duties as a lawyer to a client trump your religious beliefs. Take on clients you don't have moral objections to if you want to be a lawyer & practice your faith. Otherwise, you're not going to harm these people with your unethical behavior."
I know for a fact pharmacists have to be licensed just like doctors & lawyers. Why haven't those governing boards stripped some people of their licenses for playing God with folks' lives? I don't care if it was a "tech" who did it, either. Lawyers can be punished for the acts of their paralegals & secretaries since they're responsible for those employees (they're considered being under the attorney's watch). Aren't techs also under the watch of the pharmacists they work for? Not being trained properly makes it even worse for the lawyer.
I think even grievance committees in the Bible Belt or other religious regions wouldn't tolerate lawyers doing what I mentioned with clients whose alleged conduct they found morally objectionable for any religious reason. Being a Christian wouldn't give you a pass down there (no attorney I know down there has ever said they could get away with violating that rule because of religious beliefs & I do believe it's incorporated into most of the states as part of the Model Rules) so why does it give you a pass to harm consumers if you're a pharmacist? Anyone want to explain this to me?
A warning to all pharmacists: if you ever refuse to fill a legal prescription for me for "religious reasons," I will be reporting you to your state licensing board & calling for you to get the Hell out of the field. If you do this to someone I know, I will be helping that person report you & they will be super prepared to face you and your moralizing. If I can help it, I'll make sure you are blacklisted from working in any pharmacy in that town & will likely be calling for your head on a platter. You will be famous for your intrusion into my affairs & I'll have to demand you to start paying a portion of my monthly expenses since you want to get involved in my private life so damn bad. How about you cover my Metrocard for starters?
If you want to proselytize, be a preacher. Be a missionary & travel to foreign lands. Don't go into a field where you have responsibilities & ethical obligations to the general public. Otherwise, it makes you far worse than any "sinner" you take issue with. In fact, it makes YOU a sinner; probably even on par with Bernie Madoff or Satan in the flesh.
Lastly, how do you screw up a networking event? Here's the answer:
1. Pick a venue rated "Grade Pending." That's a good way to weed out those wusses who care about their health & don't want to eat or use utensils that could have had vermin crawling on them.
2. Don't bother having anyone to greet your guests. Make them guess where your event is & have to bother the venue employees to find it. Those employees don't have jobs to do or tips to earn; they exist solely to direct YOUR guests.
3. Don't have any signage or indication of your event. No people standing & talking, no one wearing name tags, nothing.
4. Spend all your time just talking to people you know. Don't acknowledge your guests or ask if they are there for your event. Be so good at this, they only get acknowledgement from the server who talked to them before.
5. Don't have any food or drink tickets for the guests. No outside food or even complimentary bites from the venue. No free drinks.
6. Finally, continue doing this over 30 minutes after your event was slated to start. This a priceless way to confuse folks.
See why I went home? Most networking events don't do this stuff. I've been to some where I did make good contacts & met interesting people. But no effort to talk to or even acknowledge me after 10 minutes or so, especially when I'm carrying a laptop I need for my job? Goodbye. Plus, you're competing against my hubby & adorable feline at home. If you can't persuade me to stay someplace despise those two waiting for me, you're not doing a very good job. #5 is negotiable (it's just a nice perk) but violating most of the other stuff is a surefire way to get me & I hope most rational people to leave a networking event.
I think I'm ready to give up on networking events via Meetup. I either get propositioned, ignored or irritated at 90% of them. I've been to one that was really fun & part of that was because 2 of my friends were there (including one who makes these great vegan & gluten free cookies).
So, universe let's get one thing straight right now: I don't need any more signs that the emperor has no clothes on. At least, I don't need this with respect to the great & vaulted BigLaw attorneys (notice my dripping sarcasm here). Here's the story:
Last week, I go to a session of Monday Night Law. I'm volunteering for it at City Bar for my first year, largely because I identify with the demographic it targets. In fact, I come from that demographic. My family & childhood acquaintances aren't living in cardboard boxes & eating garbage out of trash cans but they couldn't afford the market rates for legal services either.
I learn 2 things in my last experience there:
1. A lot of legal aid organizations are utter assholes to lawyers who wish to volunteer unless they come from BigLaw & are seeking pro bono credits. Now, the head of Monday Night Law was saying that one reason these groups have that requirement is because it's easier in terms of malpractice insurance: those lawyers are covered by those firms while I'm sure coverage is less for solos & people from smaller firms.
Okay, good point. Not one I'd have thought of as someone who came from the background. But here's one I bet they haven't considered: psychological studies show that people develop more trust & confide more in those who are like them. This could mean same race, age, gender but most definitely can mean social class.
I'm pretty sure the heads of these groups have ignored the fact that the poor are just as classist & can be just as snobby as any rich person you want to accuse of it. We even saw this play out in Pretty in Pink.
Do you want living proof? My parents, ladies & gentlemen! I've discussed my background pretty heavily here as well as my experiences in college with people whose parents generally had fewer money problems than mine. My parents & certainly many other people on the lower end of the socioeconomic ladder think "more money = happiness & a problem free life." For them, their problems would vanish if you gave them a few million bucks after taxes. I know this from comments they have made about friends of mine whose parents had more money & I saw it firsthand when my former friend got the house my mother wanted b/c "her daddy bought it for her."
So, do you really think someone like my parents (especially my mother) is going to confide in, trust or take seriously some Harvard/Yale/T10 grad working at Skadden, Paul Weiss or any of those other large outfits? If you do, you're a fucking retard. Sorry but that's precisely what you are.
Now those who've read this blog know that I don't hate everyone who's got money. I also know for a fact there are some BigLaw folks who aren't morally corrupt assholes b/c I have met them. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt & judge them based on their own merits vs. stereotypes & assumptions about groups.
But you can be the nicest, sweetest, most empathetic person on the planet & so long as you're wearing a Rolex, work at one of these big firms or have a six figure salary, someone like my mother isn't going to take you seriously. They will dismiss you as a clueless person at best. At worst, you're going to be thought of a patronizing jerk who's only pretending you give a shit about them so you can get your gold star.
That sort of perception does not make for a relationship where a client will feel compelled to confide in you & certainly won't encourage honesty. I'm talking from real life experience. You don't take someone like me who understands this basic principle & just go for the BigLaw crowd? You're incredibly shitty at running your project & will have zero credibility with the very people you're trying to help. You're just creating an unnecessary boundary between the lawyers & the people you want to help while failing them both.
I didn't pipe up in this conversation but later on, I kind of wish I had. I'm sure if I hear one again, I certainly will & will have to make those points. When I made them with a rep of the National Lawyers Guild in law school, that rep agreed with me.
2. All that fawning you see most of the legal community doing over BigLaw & its ilk? Don't fall for it at all. I learned of a BigLaw cretin who's in the very same bar association who's probably defending the enemies of the Occupy movement who drink champagne while having hobo parties & dressing up like "the poor people" (if this scumbag isn't also participating in that). This guy is apparently violating the ethical obligations of our bar to a tremendous & appalling degree. In fact, this guy should thank his lucky stars I've not become a vigilante (and as long as great stuff keeps happening for me, I won't have to). If I were, I'd have to take him out for the good of humanity, the legal field & on good moral principle.
I would bet a trillion dollars that b/c of this guy's being in BigLaw, the ethics committee would look the other way if he were complained about while they'd go on kicking people out of the field or denying admission to the bar for far lesser things, including having the gall to want to be a lawyer without coming from a family that can provide you a trust fund. I've heard of various committees just looking the other way while people best described as "little shits" did all sorts of things that would make any functional person & maybe a few crazies say "Why would you let that person be a lawyer?" while I get harassed over credit card debt acquired for my basic survival b/c I didn't come from money, can't possibly repay it without getting admitted to the bar & have NOTHING else on my record to criticize.
If you ask me, there's most definitely a different law & standard if you're a lawyer from money vs. one who isn't. I think that's disgusting. I'd like to be proven wrong but this cynic won't be convinced until she stops hearing of lawyers being disbarred for defaulting on student loans & zero word about whether it was because they had no means to repay them (Hello, there's a massive unemployment rate right now in the legal field!) or they had a well paying job, assets, other ways to pay & were just ducking out on them.
Basically, I learned a long time ago not to exalt anyone & certainly not to consider any institution infallible. The emperor isn't just naked to me. To me, the emperor is naked & impotent.
To my husband, the emperor is naked, impotent & masturbating in a corner somewhere.
When I say there's fawning of these types, I don't simply mean special perks or flattery. I'm talking about flattery to the extent that other lawyers are made to feel like second class citizens.
This is how I feel when I deal with most bar associations. In fact, I'm pretty sure this could explain why I & other entertainment law attorneys who aren't part of that snobbery or BigLaw don't deal with bar associations. Let's face it, our jobs are also a hell of a lot cooler than theirs. Most of them also aren't happy if you ask them about it. Gee, would YOU want to go someplace where you were made to feel like a second class citizen? If I didn't personally know higher ups at the associations I belong to who directly told me they welcomed my presence & to be myself i.e. accepting me as my anti-lawyer self, I'd never show up.
On another note of ethics, I'd like to know why pharmacists & their employees are continuing to keep jobs & licenses while playing moral majority when it comes to contraceptives & Plan B. I read this recently about the misinformation pharmacies are spreading to 17 year olds & even their doctors about getting Plan B.
You know, if you have moral objections to Plan B or anything else that could be prescribed to someone it's called "Get another damn job!" If I represented a criminal that I had prejudice against like a rapist or a neglectful mother & then lied about the laws to the client, didn't do my duty & generally didn't "zealously" represent my client, I'd get punished by the state bar. In fact, a lawyer could get disbarred for doing that.
The grievance committee wouldn't let you get a pass based on your religious beliefs, either. They'd say "Tough shit. You are a LAWYER. Your ethical duties as a lawyer to a client trump your religious beliefs. Take on clients you don't have moral objections to if you want to be a lawyer & practice your faith. Otherwise, you're not going to harm these people with your unethical behavior."
I know for a fact pharmacists have to be licensed just like doctors & lawyers. Why haven't those governing boards stripped some people of their licenses for playing God with folks' lives? I don't care if it was a "tech" who did it, either. Lawyers can be punished for the acts of their paralegals & secretaries since they're responsible for those employees (they're considered being under the attorney's watch). Aren't techs also under the watch of the pharmacists they work for? Not being trained properly makes it even worse for the lawyer.
I think even grievance committees in the Bible Belt or other religious regions wouldn't tolerate lawyers doing what I mentioned with clients whose alleged conduct they found morally objectionable for any religious reason. Being a Christian wouldn't give you a pass down there (no attorney I know down there has ever said they could get away with violating that rule because of religious beliefs & I do believe it's incorporated into most of the states as part of the Model Rules) so why does it give you a pass to harm consumers if you're a pharmacist? Anyone want to explain this to me?
A warning to all pharmacists: if you ever refuse to fill a legal prescription for me for "religious reasons," I will be reporting you to your state licensing board & calling for you to get the Hell out of the field. If you do this to someone I know, I will be helping that person report you & they will be super prepared to face you and your moralizing. If I can help it, I'll make sure you are blacklisted from working in any pharmacy in that town & will likely be calling for your head on a platter. You will be famous for your intrusion into my affairs & I'll have to demand you to start paying a portion of my monthly expenses since you want to get involved in my private life so damn bad. How about you cover my Metrocard for starters?
If you want to proselytize, be a preacher. Be a missionary & travel to foreign lands. Don't go into a field where you have responsibilities & ethical obligations to the general public. Otherwise, it makes you far worse than any "sinner" you take issue with. In fact, it makes YOU a sinner; probably even on par with Bernie Madoff or Satan in the flesh.
Lastly, how do you screw up a networking event? Here's the answer:
1. Pick a venue rated "Grade Pending." That's a good way to weed out those wusses who care about their health & don't want to eat or use utensils that could have had vermin crawling on them.
2. Don't bother having anyone to greet your guests. Make them guess where your event is & have to bother the venue employees to find it. Those employees don't have jobs to do or tips to earn; they exist solely to direct YOUR guests.
3. Don't have any signage or indication of your event. No people standing & talking, no one wearing name tags, nothing.
4. Spend all your time just talking to people you know. Don't acknowledge your guests or ask if they are there for your event. Be so good at this, they only get acknowledgement from the server who talked to them before.
5. Don't have any food or drink tickets for the guests. No outside food or even complimentary bites from the venue. No free drinks.
6. Finally, continue doing this over 30 minutes after your event was slated to start. This a priceless way to confuse folks.
See why I went home? Most networking events don't do this stuff. I've been to some where I did make good contacts & met interesting people. But no effort to talk to or even acknowledge me after 10 minutes or so, especially when I'm carrying a laptop I need for my job? Goodbye. Plus, you're competing against my hubby & adorable feline at home. If you can't persuade me to stay someplace despise those two waiting for me, you're not doing a very good job. #5 is negotiable (it's just a nice perk) but violating most of the other stuff is a surefire way to get me & I hope most rational people to leave a networking event.
I think I'm ready to give up on networking events via Meetup. I either get propositioned, ignored or irritated at 90% of them. I've been to one that was really fun & part of that was because 2 of my friends were there (including one who makes these great vegan & gluten free cookies).
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Everyone Always Says "Give Me Money!"
So, if you've read this blog & know my stances on things you know that I'm not someone who came from privilege. You know that I actually had to (gasp) WORK to get where I am. I didn't have parents, friends or most importantly, money to get me places. Much of what I've been able to do was based on my own abilities, good fortune and some smart people who saw a spark in me.
For instance, I'm still working on that vlogging opportunity but I found out I'll have to get an iPhone 4 instead of an iPhone 3 for it. Now, I'll have to pay about $100 for the iPhone 4 & while I'm able to afford it I've been having a moral conflict on getting one. How come, you might ask?
Well, I feel a bit decadent about spending $100 on it. I also feel like I'll become a cliche of an elitist since the newest model just came out this week. I'm also not an early adapter or even a present time adapter: I'm a late adapter, God damn it! This ruins my concept of myself as a late adapter & is a cruel irony in my book.
However, to reconcile this I've told myself that maybe I should treat myself once in a while & stop living like a miser. I tend to be very much in that "live like a student" mindset though I'm certainly not the cheapest or most frugal person ever.
I do have my limits: no reused sandwich bags or compost piles. There will also be flush toilets anyplace I live. I'd also consider hiring someone to pick up my husband's comics if we had $ for it. No living somewhere unsafe & no Dollar Store underwear.
I think this is foreshadowing for if I make real $ & everyone having to yell at me about spending some of it vs. living as though going out to dinner one evening fucks up my entire budget for the month (this was true when I was a student). If people don't do it, I could easily see myself becoming one of those old people who lives in abject poverty only to die with an estate worth hundreds of thousands of dollars & up. I do veer more to that direction that spendthrift territory.
Today, I was listening to a telephone seminar on a topic I found interesting. However, I'm to the point of not wanting to go to free programs on anything pertaining to the entertainment industry or creative things in general. Let me explain.
Every single damn time I go to a free program on just about anything, you always without fail hear a presenter telling you you MUST have money to do things. You have to pay for publicity, rent a theater, get an agent, etc.
Now, while I do agree that you get what you pay for and quality does have a price the whole process of that just bothers me. Then, when someone makes a money grab afterwards, it really hits the point home for me: If you don't come from money, you shouldn't even bother improving yourself or your life.
"Don't bother writing a book, creating a 1 person show, writing a film, going to a good college, anything. You don't come from money so who cares if you have any natural talent or skill!"
That's what I feel like telling someone to pay for stuff is implicitly saying. This is also an ethic you'll find all through law school. If you ask me, a chimp with a million dollars could be on law review b/c that chimp could afford study aids & anyone without a million dollars can't, regardless of any natural intelligence or ability. Coincidentally, this is the primary reason I think the class ranking system in law school is utter bullshit & that people hiring for jobs seem to ignore this reality in hiring.
If you're going to tell someone they need to have wads of cash to do something, why not tell people HOW to make money? Saying "go beg to family" isn't an option for everyone. If I had that, I wouldn't have anymore student loan debt.
How about a seminar telling someone how to get a benefactor? Or how to make money without demeaning yourself (no telling someone to work as a stripper or turn tricks)? While we're at it, how about telling someone how to make money without breaking the law or demeaning themselves?
Any chucklehead can say "Oh, you need money to do that." How about suggestions on ways to get benefactors or who to network with so we can get around those hurdles? How about suggestions on networking events where we might meet these people?
I find "Get $10,000 [or some other high ass crazy amount you'll never get in this lifetime unless you live with your parents or start breaking the law]!" or "Ask Mommy & Daddy for $," to be as useful as the average law school career services center (and you know how useful they are if you've been to law school; if you haven't, their helpfulness is nil at best).
This whole attitude that you must have money to do anything doesn't inspire someone who came from nothing to dream or bother working on those dreams. Nor does it encourage one to do anything pro-social (i.e. work an honest job, get an education, do something that helps society vs. harms it). Hell, I think it encourages people to become teen parents, sell drugs, never do anything beyond whatever sector of the economic ladder they were born into.
Is the US a fiefdom or can one actually get anywhere? What do you think? I'll say this: if I believed I was never going to do better than where I came from, I'd have killed myself long ago after taking out my oppressors.
For instance, I'm still working on that vlogging opportunity but I found out I'll have to get an iPhone 4 instead of an iPhone 3 for it. Now, I'll have to pay about $100 for the iPhone 4 & while I'm able to afford it I've been having a moral conflict on getting one. How come, you might ask?
Well, I feel a bit decadent about spending $100 on it. I also feel like I'll become a cliche of an elitist since the newest model just came out this week. I'm also not an early adapter or even a present time adapter: I'm a late adapter, God damn it! This ruins my concept of myself as a late adapter & is a cruel irony in my book.
However, to reconcile this I've told myself that maybe I should treat myself once in a while & stop living like a miser. I tend to be very much in that "live like a student" mindset though I'm certainly not the cheapest or most frugal person ever.
I do have my limits: no reused sandwich bags or compost piles. There will also be flush toilets anyplace I live. I'd also consider hiring someone to pick up my husband's comics if we had $ for it. No living somewhere unsafe & no Dollar Store underwear.
I think this is foreshadowing for if I make real $ & everyone having to yell at me about spending some of it vs. living as though going out to dinner one evening fucks up my entire budget for the month (this was true when I was a student). If people don't do it, I could easily see myself becoming one of those old people who lives in abject poverty only to die with an estate worth hundreds of thousands of dollars & up. I do veer more to that direction that spendthrift territory.
Today, I was listening to a telephone seminar on a topic I found interesting. However, I'm to the point of not wanting to go to free programs on anything pertaining to the entertainment industry or creative things in general. Let me explain.
Every single damn time I go to a free program on just about anything, you always without fail hear a presenter telling you you MUST have money to do things. You have to pay for publicity, rent a theater, get an agent, etc.
Now, while I do agree that you get what you pay for and quality does have a price the whole process of that just bothers me. Then, when someone makes a money grab afterwards, it really hits the point home for me: If you don't come from money, you shouldn't even bother improving yourself or your life.
"Don't bother writing a book, creating a 1 person show, writing a film, going to a good college, anything. You don't come from money so who cares if you have any natural talent or skill!"
That's what I feel like telling someone to pay for stuff is implicitly saying. This is also an ethic you'll find all through law school. If you ask me, a chimp with a million dollars could be on law review b/c that chimp could afford study aids & anyone without a million dollars can't, regardless of any natural intelligence or ability. Coincidentally, this is the primary reason I think the class ranking system in law school is utter bullshit & that people hiring for jobs seem to ignore this reality in hiring.
If you're going to tell someone they need to have wads of cash to do something, why not tell people HOW to make money? Saying "go beg to family" isn't an option for everyone. If I had that, I wouldn't have anymore student loan debt.
How about a seminar telling someone how to get a benefactor? Or how to make money without demeaning yourself (no telling someone to work as a stripper or turn tricks)? While we're at it, how about telling someone how to make money without breaking the law or demeaning themselves?
Any chucklehead can say "Oh, you need money to do that." How about suggestions on ways to get benefactors or who to network with so we can get around those hurdles? How about suggestions on networking events where we might meet these people?
I find "Get $10,000 [or some other high ass crazy amount you'll never get in this lifetime unless you live with your parents or start breaking the law]!" or "Ask Mommy & Daddy for $," to be as useful as the average law school career services center (and you know how useful they are if you've been to law school; if you haven't, their helpfulness is nil at best).
This whole attitude that you must have money to do anything doesn't inspire someone who came from nothing to dream or bother working on those dreams. Nor does it encourage one to do anything pro-social (i.e. work an honest job, get an education, do something that helps society vs. harms it). Hell, I think it encourages people to become teen parents, sell drugs, never do anything beyond whatever sector of the economic ladder they were born into.
Is the US a fiefdom or can one actually get anywhere? What do you think? I'll say this: if I believed I was never going to do better than where I came from, I'd have killed myself long ago after taking out my oppressors.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Arresting Someone for Trying to Better Their Kids' Lives? Piss Off!
There are a few stories I've seen that have my dander up (and I really should update this blog more but between a steady paying temp job, paid writing work & other responsibilities, my schedule has been a little crazy lately) but this one takes the cake. It also hits a personal note for me since I was a smart kid and education was huge in my household. When I was little, my father insisted that we both go to college. There was no negotiation on that point. Neither of my parents went, though my mom actually didn't want to aside from cost issues. Plus, in those days college was akin to a graduate level degree today.
This story is also personal to me since I lived in CT at one time and know the stories about how bad Bridgeport is. I also spent a fair amount of time going to the ferry.
The powers that be in Norwalk should be ashamed of themselves. Where is their outrage for the conditions in the Bridgeport schools? Why should this woman's son be forced to get a substandard education because of who he was born to? Do you think he asked to live in a poor community? What parent wouldn't do this for their kids? If mine were in this woman's shoes, you'd better believe she would.
Should I have been denied admission to AP level classes because of where I went to school? Don't people living in poverty have enough problems to deal with without being forced into a substandard school system to get an inferior education that won't do shit for them in life? Is it any wonder the dropout rates are so high & kids in those areas turn to a life of crime, living on welfare, or whatever else they have to in order to survive?
They'll never get admitted to good schools when they have no foundation or real education to speak of. I feel bad for the kids at my school who were taking regular level classes. You did not learn squat in them, largely because the troublemakers were put there but that's another story.
That is yet another reason I support homeschooling but what if you can't afford it because you are a parent who has to work or there is no local homeschooling teacher to go to who will not cost a fortune?
How about instead of punishing this woman for trying to do right by her kids we go after the real issue, which is education funding and equality for everyone in that regard? I, in particular, don't think the quality of your education should be based on accident of birth.
Want to run that "pull yourself up by your boostraps" argument to me again? You're just starting to sound like a bigger moron the more you use it. Personal motivation can only take you so far.
If you ask me, this woman should be celebrated as an example of a great, dedicated parent giving 100% to her children. That's more than you can say for some of these lazy asshole rich folk who refuse to admit their little precious is capable of wrongdoing and threaten to sue when the school doesn't put up with their crap or a teacher "hurts their little feelings." I'd like to see how involved the parents in this school district are in their kids' lives and what the teachers think of them. I'm sure we'd find some deadbeats in the bunch who refuse to be PARENTS and whose children are wasted in this "good" school system.
How's about an exchange system or an education system like in Europe where smart kids with potential get to advance and are not held back because their parents don't have a million bucks? You call it socialism? Well, I call forcing smart kids to be on the same level as the slowest kids & never letting them move forward an act of socialism. How do you like that?
This story is also personal to me since I lived in CT at one time and know the stories about how bad Bridgeport is. I also spent a fair amount of time going to the ferry.
The powers that be in Norwalk should be ashamed of themselves. Where is their outrage for the conditions in the Bridgeport schools? Why should this woman's son be forced to get a substandard education because of who he was born to? Do you think he asked to live in a poor community? What parent wouldn't do this for their kids? If mine were in this woman's shoes, you'd better believe she would.
Should I have been denied admission to AP level classes because of where I went to school? Don't people living in poverty have enough problems to deal with without being forced into a substandard school system to get an inferior education that won't do shit for them in life? Is it any wonder the dropout rates are so high & kids in those areas turn to a life of crime, living on welfare, or whatever else they have to in order to survive?
They'll never get admitted to good schools when they have no foundation or real education to speak of. I feel bad for the kids at my school who were taking regular level classes. You did not learn squat in them, largely because the troublemakers were put there but that's another story.
That is yet another reason I support homeschooling but what if you can't afford it because you are a parent who has to work or there is no local homeschooling teacher to go to who will not cost a fortune?
How about instead of punishing this woman for trying to do right by her kids we go after the real issue, which is education funding and equality for everyone in that regard? I, in particular, don't think the quality of your education should be based on accident of birth.
Want to run that "pull yourself up by your boostraps" argument to me again? You're just starting to sound like a bigger moron the more you use it. Personal motivation can only take you so far.
If you ask me, this woman should be celebrated as an example of a great, dedicated parent giving 100% to her children. That's more than you can say for some of these lazy asshole rich folk who refuse to admit their little precious is capable of wrongdoing and threaten to sue when the school doesn't put up with their crap or a teacher "hurts their little feelings." I'd like to see how involved the parents in this school district are in their kids' lives and what the teachers think of them. I'm sure we'd find some deadbeats in the bunch who refuse to be PARENTS and whose children are wasted in this "good" school system.
How's about an exchange system or an education system like in Europe where smart kids with potential get to advance and are not held back because their parents don't have a million bucks? You call it socialism? Well, I call forcing smart kids to be on the same level as the slowest kids & never letting them move forward an act of socialism. How do you like that?
Friday, April 15, 2011
General Musings Part 19
This one may end up a little longer than normal because I have some serious rants for some of it. Some could make up their own blog posts in an of themselves but I'll see what I can do to reserve some of it for separate posts.
* First off, I don't know if Betty White actually said this or not but if she did "brava." Some famous people are spoiled assholes who don't appreciate that A) most people don't make in a year what they make per movie & some make less per year than they make per TV episode, B) lots of people would trade places with them in a second & C) the criminal justice system is completely biased in favor of celebrities.
Do you think a regular person would get the same punishments, second changes, etc. as Lindsay Lohan has for doing precisely what she's done? I don't think so.
Any famous person who appreciates those facts and finds "bad behavior" reprehensible should be praised. That's a person who appreciates the admiration of the common people & presumably is in touch with them.
Yes, celebrities have to go through all sorts of stuff & I can understand why drug and alcohol addiction are so rampant in the industry but if you're going to do that stuff, not get treatment then continue to break the law and flout your superiority to others, I have zero sympathy for you. In fact, your total failure will be even more glorious to the common person. Want people to root for your success or throw parties after your death because they hate you?
* This is just funny. It makes you want to create your own town & come up with fun street names.
I was contemplating variations of the "Baby on Board" sign since I happened to see one as we were driving yesterday. I came up with "Satanist on Board" and "Flirty Homosexuals on Board." If I had one of those signs, I'd want something clever & interesting like those that just happened to be true for our situation; not sure what that would be for us. "Crazy People on Board" is just too easy.
* Oh, and do me a favor. Let's just shut up about how gay marriage is immoral and that other crap, all right? Stop persecuting gay couples & grant gay marriage in all 50 states already! Gay people are absolutely right about the fact that they're treated like second class citizens. Consider this.
Want a theocracy? Claim your own island & take all the nutbags of your faith with you. When I say "nutbags," I'm referring to people who have zero logical reasoning skills, make no effort to live in modern society and think they are Lord & Master (or Lady & Mistress) of everyone else's lives. The people who protest abortion but never adopt unwanted kids or try to reform the foster care system while also indulging doctors who demand all childfree women to breed before getting voluntary sterilization.
Better yet, move to an existing theocracy. Leave the rest of us alone & we'll leave YOU alone. Fair? Gay marriage has NOTHING to do with YOUR marriage.
Let's repeat this: a gay couple getting married has NOTHING to do with your marriage to your fundie spouse. Stop being an ass to the homosexuals because of your sexual frustration within YOUR marriage!
* Thank God I don't have kids who live in Chicago. I'd say "hell no!" to this one.
Let's see: there's the unappetizing lunches, the health content involved (to my knowledge it hasn't changed since Super Size Me), general selective eating, etc. These school board members and powers that be who made this choice should be forced to eat the cafeteria food themselves. If they wouldn't touch it or even feed it to their dogs, they have no right to demand school children to eat it if they don't have medical conditions. Meddling at its worst.
What next? Force everyone who's skinny to take injections to be just like the fat kids so the fat kids won't feel bad about themselves? I see this policy just helping anorexic kids out since they'll have a good excuse not to eat.
* Speaking of the picky eater argument, I read this Dear Prudence column yesterday.
Okay, here's the thing. I am a picky eater & there's no medical reason or some such nonsense. Nor do I need "therapy" for it.
You want to know why I'm picky? Genetics or environment, take your pick.
First off, my mom is a very picky eater. Don't give her onions, cabbage, garlic, etc. She's not going to eat it. Because she wasn't one of those hypocrites who made her kids eat things she wouldn't eat herself, we weren't given certain things as kids. No brussel sprouts, turnips, salmon, etc., etc. I also grew up in the South & certain cuisine is not good down there. This was even more true when I was younger & there were very few "ethnic" people.
Second, my family did not have the money to take us out to eat at fancy restaurants. I didn't even get to go to a casual dining restaurant to sit and eat until I was in high school and that was because I got inducted into the National Honor Society. We were lucky to get fast food once a week as kids.
Finally, most people I know do not eat "exotic fare." They are "burgers, french fries, chicken tenders" kind of people. Some of them don't eat any vegetables while others eat a few, including me.
I saw a lot of comments on this letter about how "this person eats like a little kid" and anyone who's a picky eater either needs therapy or should have their diet critiqued by snobby foodies.
That's not what I needed. I ate more things by hanging out with different people, going to college and actually getting to go places + try food without having to waste lots of money on things I might not like. That's how I got to eat Mexican food.
News for you foodies: stop playing food police & denigrating people who don't eat squid, eyeballs, tofu or other exotic fare. Shut the fuck up about what I put into MY body. It has no effect on YOU unless it causes gasiness & you're in the same general area. There's no harm to YOU because of what I eat, got it? And health concerns? Butt out & focus on your own health. I'll bet you weigh more than me.
I'd rather die at 80 eating what I wanted than live to 100 eating nothing but tofu & cardboard. Enjoy life a little; maybe then you'll remove that stick from your ass.
I've tried particular things. I don't like them, I won't eat them. If I go to a restaurant and PAY for my food, you'd better believe I have every right to have my meal without onion, cilantro, salmon or whatever I don't eat that I will taste if I simply "pick it off." However, I do like cooked asparagus and zucchini (which I never got to have without going to events as an adult). I actually had black caviar at a lawyer event that was topping an appetizer I ate & it didn't even register a taste to me; I'd eat that again.
Go to Hell if you think picky eating is a deal breaker. Many people don't live in major cities, have relatives from foreign countries or like fusion cuisine. Find a fusion or Thai restaurant in my hometown that you'd eat at and not worry about the food quality. There's a reason you won't find that kind of thing on the scale you find fast food, BBQ places, casual dining, etc. I think that's probably the case in Middle America.
Interestingly enough, no one I know has ever bitched at me about what I do or don't eat in a restaurant. If anything, the picky are saving a restaurant money because they can save that onion, red cabbage, guacamole, egg, cilantro, etc. for those who DO eat it. It's why I prefer places that make their foods in the kitchen and don't use mixes. I've also not noticed many men playing food police. Most of the ones I know are "meat and potatoes" types & some downright won't bother going to certain types of restaurants.
I also think this debate is a tad classist. The "I eat everything" folk apparently come from money or health nuts. Personally, if you are worried about that in a life partner you have very big problems and would be labeled a whiny, preachy person around "meat & potatoes" people.
* Special bravo to Prince for this. He's entirely right, you know. Ticketmaster IS the devil!
* This I would not do for an ex. Thankfully, my husband has no plans to leave me or cheat on me. We have a very simple solution for that one. It seems like children seem to play more in those decisions; one more good reason not to have kids. If you'd still been friends years later, that's one thing. Otherwise, I'd just let karma handle it.
* However, I'd do this in a second. Again, kill a family member of mine then get smug & laugh about it? I won't be responsible for my actions & I think any lawyer could have a viable argument for temporary insanity if not total insanity.
I also think the terms "little bitch" or "slut" apply to this ex-girlfriend & I'd have called her this much for making such cracks. Remember, you probably had sex with him & most likely cheated on him. What does that make YOU?
I'd also have to say "I'm sorry your family is going to have to pay for your funeral expenses because I'm going to rip your head off if you don't shut the hell up and get out of my sight permanently." These scumbags wouldn't be able to walk the streets without 24 hour security if it were me.
The world at large should be thrilled I'm only putting this kind of thing in my creative work instead of going out & doing it in real life. Give most people opportunities, you prevent criminal acts.
* And gee, why am I not shocked by this? I almost want to thank the company that left me in job offer limbo for months for not getting back to me. Now I don't have to endure the belligerent and abusive skies!
* Also not a shocker. Gee, who wants move to Sweden now? I'd consider it.
Seems part of worker abuse in America is cultural differences that allow it to flourish. If you ask me, that difference is the dumbing down and sheepledom that result.
I bet if segregation were the norm today, you have millions of apologists saying "Oh, don't cause trouble." and "Don't go protest this. You're interrupting law & order." Look at how people react toward those who protest constitutional violations in the form of TSA screenings, graduation ceremonies and high school racism. If you don't think I'm right, then you have much higher hopes for humanity (& perhaps more naivete) than I do.
* Finally, read about high school girls using Facebook to claim their prom dresses.
If you want a unique, one of a kind dress I have a more radical idea. Get someone to MAKE your dress!!! Pick a fabric & style you want. If you browse stores & the Internet carefully, I guarantee no one will be copying you + you won't be ruining the moment by announcing what you're wearing beforehand.
Or get something & alter it if you have some sewing skills. That or let someone else do it.
Ladies, you NEVER tip your hand when going to a prom. Would you post pictures of your wedding dress on Facebook if all your friends were getting married at the same time so that your friends don't copy you? Do you think celebrities do this for red carpet events? I don't think so: the element of surprise is just as important.
Plus, how do you know someone's not just going to lie & hold a dress you like so you can't wear it to then show up in something no one else "claimed?" Teenage girls can be real bitches; I was one once & I certainly could be one when I wanted to. If you've got hundreds for a prom dress, I'm pretty sure you can pay the same money to a dress maker for a one of a kind; bonus if you know someone who has the ability to do it.
So there you have it. Now I should have time to watch another movie I haven't seen this afternoon.
* First off, I don't know if Betty White actually said this or not but if she did "brava." Some famous people are spoiled assholes who don't appreciate that A) most people don't make in a year what they make per movie & some make less per year than they make per TV episode, B) lots of people would trade places with them in a second & C) the criminal justice system is completely biased in favor of celebrities.
Do you think a regular person would get the same punishments, second changes, etc. as Lindsay Lohan has for doing precisely what she's done? I don't think so.
Any famous person who appreciates those facts and finds "bad behavior" reprehensible should be praised. That's a person who appreciates the admiration of the common people & presumably is in touch with them.
Yes, celebrities have to go through all sorts of stuff & I can understand why drug and alcohol addiction are so rampant in the industry but if you're going to do that stuff, not get treatment then continue to break the law and flout your superiority to others, I have zero sympathy for you. In fact, your total failure will be even more glorious to the common person. Want people to root for your success or throw parties after your death because they hate you?
* This is just funny. It makes you want to create your own town & come up with fun street names.
I was contemplating variations of the "Baby on Board" sign since I happened to see one as we were driving yesterday. I came up with "Satanist on Board" and "Flirty Homosexuals on Board." If I had one of those signs, I'd want something clever & interesting like those that just happened to be true for our situation; not sure what that would be for us. "Crazy People on Board" is just too easy.
* Oh, and do me a favor. Let's just shut up about how gay marriage is immoral and that other crap, all right? Stop persecuting gay couples & grant gay marriage in all 50 states already! Gay people are absolutely right about the fact that they're treated like second class citizens. Consider this.
Want a theocracy? Claim your own island & take all the nutbags of your faith with you. When I say "nutbags," I'm referring to people who have zero logical reasoning skills, make no effort to live in modern society and think they are Lord & Master (or Lady & Mistress) of everyone else's lives. The people who protest abortion but never adopt unwanted kids or try to reform the foster care system while also indulging doctors who demand all childfree women to breed before getting voluntary sterilization.
Better yet, move to an existing theocracy. Leave the rest of us alone & we'll leave YOU alone. Fair? Gay marriage has NOTHING to do with YOUR marriage.
Let's repeat this: a gay couple getting married has NOTHING to do with your marriage to your fundie spouse. Stop being an ass to the homosexuals because of your sexual frustration within YOUR marriage!
* Thank God I don't have kids who live in Chicago. I'd say "hell no!" to this one.
Let's see: there's the unappetizing lunches, the health content involved (to my knowledge it hasn't changed since Super Size Me), general selective eating, etc. These school board members and powers that be who made this choice should be forced to eat the cafeteria food themselves. If they wouldn't touch it or even feed it to their dogs, they have no right to demand school children to eat it if they don't have medical conditions. Meddling at its worst.
What next? Force everyone who's skinny to take injections to be just like the fat kids so the fat kids won't feel bad about themselves? I see this policy just helping anorexic kids out since they'll have a good excuse not to eat.
* Speaking of the picky eater argument, I read this Dear Prudence column yesterday.
Okay, here's the thing. I am a picky eater & there's no medical reason or some such nonsense. Nor do I need "therapy" for it.
You want to know why I'm picky? Genetics or environment, take your pick.
First off, my mom is a very picky eater. Don't give her onions, cabbage, garlic, etc. She's not going to eat it. Because she wasn't one of those hypocrites who made her kids eat things she wouldn't eat herself, we weren't given certain things as kids. No brussel sprouts, turnips, salmon, etc., etc. I also grew up in the South & certain cuisine is not good down there. This was even more true when I was younger & there were very few "ethnic" people.
Second, my family did not have the money to take us out to eat at fancy restaurants. I didn't even get to go to a casual dining restaurant to sit and eat until I was in high school and that was because I got inducted into the National Honor Society. We were lucky to get fast food once a week as kids.
Finally, most people I know do not eat "exotic fare." They are "burgers, french fries, chicken tenders" kind of people. Some of them don't eat any vegetables while others eat a few, including me.
I saw a lot of comments on this letter about how "this person eats like a little kid" and anyone who's a picky eater either needs therapy or should have their diet critiqued by snobby foodies.
That's not what I needed. I ate more things by hanging out with different people, going to college and actually getting to go places + try food without having to waste lots of money on things I might not like. That's how I got to eat Mexican food.
News for you foodies: stop playing food police & denigrating people who don't eat squid, eyeballs, tofu or other exotic fare. Shut the fuck up about what I put into MY body. It has no effect on YOU unless it causes gasiness & you're in the same general area. There's no harm to YOU because of what I eat, got it? And health concerns? Butt out & focus on your own health. I'll bet you weigh more than me.
I'd rather die at 80 eating what I wanted than live to 100 eating nothing but tofu & cardboard. Enjoy life a little; maybe then you'll remove that stick from your ass.
I've tried particular things. I don't like them, I won't eat them. If I go to a restaurant and PAY for my food, you'd better believe I have every right to have my meal without onion, cilantro, salmon or whatever I don't eat that I will taste if I simply "pick it off." However, I do like cooked asparagus and zucchini (which I never got to have without going to events as an adult). I actually had black caviar at a lawyer event that was topping an appetizer I ate & it didn't even register a taste to me; I'd eat that again.
Go to Hell if you think picky eating is a deal breaker. Many people don't live in major cities, have relatives from foreign countries or like fusion cuisine. Find a fusion or Thai restaurant in my hometown that you'd eat at and not worry about the food quality. There's a reason you won't find that kind of thing on the scale you find fast food, BBQ places, casual dining, etc. I think that's probably the case in Middle America.
Interestingly enough, no one I know has ever bitched at me about what I do or don't eat in a restaurant. If anything, the picky are saving a restaurant money because they can save that onion, red cabbage, guacamole, egg, cilantro, etc. for those who DO eat it. It's why I prefer places that make their foods in the kitchen and don't use mixes. I've also not noticed many men playing food police. Most of the ones I know are "meat and potatoes" types & some downright won't bother going to certain types of restaurants.
I also think this debate is a tad classist. The "I eat everything" folk apparently come from money or health nuts. Personally, if you are worried about that in a life partner you have very big problems and would be labeled a whiny, preachy person around "meat & potatoes" people.
* Special bravo to Prince for this. He's entirely right, you know. Ticketmaster IS the devil!
* This I would not do for an ex. Thankfully, my husband has no plans to leave me or cheat on me. We have a very simple solution for that one. It seems like children seem to play more in those decisions; one more good reason not to have kids. If you'd still been friends years later, that's one thing. Otherwise, I'd just let karma handle it.
* However, I'd do this in a second. Again, kill a family member of mine then get smug & laugh about it? I won't be responsible for my actions & I think any lawyer could have a viable argument for temporary insanity if not total insanity.
I also think the terms "little bitch" or "slut" apply to this ex-girlfriend & I'd have called her this much for making such cracks. Remember, you probably had sex with him & most likely cheated on him. What does that make YOU?
I'd also have to say "I'm sorry your family is going to have to pay for your funeral expenses because I'm going to rip your head off if you don't shut the hell up and get out of my sight permanently." These scumbags wouldn't be able to walk the streets without 24 hour security if it were me.
The world at large should be thrilled I'm only putting this kind of thing in my creative work instead of going out & doing it in real life. Give most people opportunities, you prevent criminal acts.
* And gee, why am I not shocked by this? I almost want to thank the company that left me in job offer limbo for months for not getting back to me. Now I don't have to endure the belligerent and abusive skies!
* Also not a shocker. Gee, who wants move to Sweden now? I'd consider it.
Seems part of worker abuse in America is cultural differences that allow it to flourish. If you ask me, that difference is the dumbing down and sheepledom that result.
I bet if segregation were the norm today, you have millions of apologists saying "Oh, don't cause trouble." and "Don't go protest this. You're interrupting law & order." Look at how people react toward those who protest constitutional violations in the form of TSA screenings, graduation ceremonies and high school racism. If you don't think I'm right, then you have much higher hopes for humanity (& perhaps more naivete) than I do.
* Finally, read about high school girls using Facebook to claim their prom dresses.
If you want a unique, one of a kind dress I have a more radical idea. Get someone to MAKE your dress!!! Pick a fabric & style you want. If you browse stores & the Internet carefully, I guarantee no one will be copying you + you won't be ruining the moment by announcing what you're wearing beforehand.
Or get something & alter it if you have some sewing skills. That or let someone else do it.
Ladies, you NEVER tip your hand when going to a prom. Would you post pictures of your wedding dress on Facebook if all your friends were getting married at the same time so that your friends don't copy you? Do you think celebrities do this for red carpet events? I don't think so: the element of surprise is just as important.
Plus, how do you know someone's not just going to lie & hold a dress you like so you can't wear it to then show up in something no one else "claimed?" Teenage girls can be real bitches; I was one once & I certainly could be one when I wanted to. If you've got hundreds for a prom dress, I'm pretty sure you can pay the same money to a dress maker for a one of a kind; bonus if you know someone who has the ability to do it.
So there you have it. Now I should have time to watch another movie I haven't seen this afternoon.
Friday, January 14, 2011
An Interesting Way For Women to Pay School Loans & The "Glamour" of Being Rich
Thanks to one of my Facebook friends for highlighting this link.
Are you done reading yet? This prompted discussion w/me & my spouse. We figured you'd better have some limits if you're going to do this:
1. Gender. What if the winner's a lesbian & you're straight?
2. How many people get to win the "prize?" Do you want to be a gang bang or some family's "pet?" There are assholes out there so you might want to think about this.
3. Hygiene. Do you want some guy who hasn't washed his dirty parts putting his dirty parts in you? In my house, we insist on good hygiene.
4. Sex acts. Will the winner get oral? Anal? Get to pour hot candle wax on you? You'd better make that clear or you might get someone who thinks you're losing your oral or anal virginity & not your vaginal virginity.
5. Age. What if your winner is 90 & has no money? Not all old guys are Hugh Heffner or Stefano DiMerra (yes, a TV character but if he existed in real life he'd have 20 year old girlfriends as well), contrary to what they may think. Just because some old guys aren't completely repulsive to particular young women doesn't mean they all are. Figure this one out.
So when I saw this link, it occurred to me that it would be an interesting way for some new law school grad to pay off her loans. Maybe your average law school grad or new lawyer isn't a virgin but there's no law that says you can't lie about it. Or you could simply assert that you're so freaking special & unique that you're worth a high auction price. Natural redheads & little people come to mind. No, I wouldn't do it even if I was single.
Either way, it's probably prostitution so you may want to find a place where you can do it legally but a few thoughts come to mind here:
1. Get a lawyer if you're going to do this kind of thing.
2. Are school debts in relation to job prospects so bad that women have to start auctioning themselves off to the highest bidder to avoid a lifetime of debt? If you ask me, I think if we aren't there already then we definitely will be shortly.
So, if you've got the money let the games begin!
If you think it's bizarre that we have these kind of conversations, you don't know me that well. I'd never have a threesome with anyone either but I analyzed the profile of who you'd need to pick in order to maximize your chances of avoiding awkwardness & disease (in case you wonder, I figure an acquaintance; someone you know well enough to know about their sexual escapades but not so well that you're going to see him/her all the time in day to day life or suffer great loss if things get awkward).
I also happened to read this article today.
Some of that sums up my feelings on why you have to watch your back if you succeed. If I recall, though you can't claim a lottery prize without your privacy vanishing before your eyes. At least, not in NY.
A lot of that wouldn't affect me, though. I've been picky about who I deal with since college; I can spot a Johnny Come Lately pretty quickly & have no patience for them. I also tend to be cheap even if I have the money for things. Getting me to spend on something non-essential is like pulling teeth; seriously. I'll tell you not to spend on me & that something costs too much, even if I could afford it & then some. Even if I do want something, it usually takes time for me to realize "Hey, I can afford this!" My mom has ranted for years about people who have more money than sense; the Keeping up w/the Jones crowd tends to fall into that category.
I also feel no obligation to give to anyone I don't want to. Try prying expensive gifts from me if I don't want to do it; you're not going to win. I'll also point out your sins in a second & trying to come out of the woodwork?? You'll be lucky if I don't kick you square in the butt for bothering me.
I also attempt to know people who know reliable finance professionals so I have resources if needed. No rich person will ever have to deal with me asking for money; they'll just have to deal with me asking for advice or references on reliable professionals.
The funny thing is, some of these things are issues I discussed years ago with someone who knew rich people directly. I also saw some of this play out with people I knew who had money; they never flaunted it or made a big thing of it. That's how you lose it. Not being patronizing to me is also a big plus.
The responses to it show me the class divide & who's had friends w/money vs. who hasn't. If you think only rich people are snotty or classist, you'd be dead wrong. Poor people can be just as snotty as anyone else & I've seen it myself. They'd be just as likely to leave you in a ditch as anyone else. Same with ugly people or handicapped people. Don't think that stuff like that makes someone a saint or even a nice person; there are ugly people who are jerks & handicapped people who aren't bastions of courage, love and hope.
Class divide, gotta love it.
Are you done reading yet? This prompted discussion w/me & my spouse. We figured you'd better have some limits if you're going to do this:
1. Gender. What if the winner's a lesbian & you're straight?
2. How many people get to win the "prize?" Do you want to be a gang bang or some family's "pet?" There are assholes out there so you might want to think about this.
3. Hygiene. Do you want some guy who hasn't washed his dirty parts putting his dirty parts in you? In my house, we insist on good hygiene.
4. Sex acts. Will the winner get oral? Anal? Get to pour hot candle wax on you? You'd better make that clear or you might get someone who thinks you're losing your oral or anal virginity & not your vaginal virginity.
5. Age. What if your winner is 90 & has no money? Not all old guys are Hugh Heffner or Stefano DiMerra (yes, a TV character but if he existed in real life he'd have 20 year old girlfriends as well), contrary to what they may think. Just because some old guys aren't completely repulsive to particular young women doesn't mean they all are. Figure this one out.
So when I saw this link, it occurred to me that it would be an interesting way for some new law school grad to pay off her loans. Maybe your average law school grad or new lawyer isn't a virgin but there's no law that says you can't lie about it. Or you could simply assert that you're so freaking special & unique that you're worth a high auction price. Natural redheads & little people come to mind. No, I wouldn't do it even if I was single.
Either way, it's probably prostitution so you may want to find a place where you can do it legally but a few thoughts come to mind here:
1. Get a lawyer if you're going to do this kind of thing.
2. Are school debts in relation to job prospects so bad that women have to start auctioning themselves off to the highest bidder to avoid a lifetime of debt? If you ask me, I think if we aren't there already then we definitely will be shortly.
So, if you've got the money let the games begin!
If you think it's bizarre that we have these kind of conversations, you don't know me that well. I'd never have a threesome with anyone either but I analyzed the profile of who you'd need to pick in order to maximize your chances of avoiding awkwardness & disease (in case you wonder, I figure an acquaintance; someone you know well enough to know about their sexual escapades but not so well that you're going to see him/her all the time in day to day life or suffer great loss if things get awkward).
I also happened to read this article today.
Some of that sums up my feelings on why you have to watch your back if you succeed. If I recall, though you can't claim a lottery prize without your privacy vanishing before your eyes. At least, not in NY.
A lot of that wouldn't affect me, though. I've been picky about who I deal with since college; I can spot a Johnny Come Lately pretty quickly & have no patience for them. I also tend to be cheap even if I have the money for things. Getting me to spend on something non-essential is like pulling teeth; seriously. I'll tell you not to spend on me & that something costs too much, even if I could afford it & then some. Even if I do want something, it usually takes time for me to realize "Hey, I can afford this!" My mom has ranted for years about people who have more money than sense; the Keeping up w/the Jones crowd tends to fall into that category.
I also feel no obligation to give to anyone I don't want to. Try prying expensive gifts from me if I don't want to do it; you're not going to win. I'll also point out your sins in a second & trying to come out of the woodwork?? You'll be lucky if I don't kick you square in the butt for bothering me.
I also attempt to know people who know reliable finance professionals so I have resources if needed. No rich person will ever have to deal with me asking for money; they'll just have to deal with me asking for advice or references on reliable professionals.
The funny thing is, some of these things are issues I discussed years ago with someone who knew rich people directly. I also saw some of this play out with people I knew who had money; they never flaunted it or made a big thing of it. That's how you lose it. Not being patronizing to me is also a big plus.
The responses to it show me the class divide & who's had friends w/money vs. who hasn't. If you think only rich people are snotty or classist, you'd be dead wrong. Poor people can be just as snotty as anyone else & I've seen it myself. They'd be just as likely to leave you in a ditch as anyone else. Same with ugly people or handicapped people. Don't think that stuff like that makes someone a saint or even a nice person; there are ugly people who are jerks & handicapped people who aren't bastions of courage, love and hope.
Class divide, gotta love it.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
More Life Stuff
Well, I saw this & was quite gratified. My road wasn't even plowed until maybe right near the 7 a.m. deadline promised by the Director of Sanitation. I didn't go to bed until 4 & we didn't hear anyone driving down our street. This silence on our block for days on end will never happen again since cars are always driving down.
I'm also glad I didn't vote for Bloomberg & think the mayor of Newark kicks ass for going out into the mess. That guy gives a damn about his city & isn't a classist asshole who's too good to trudge out there. I tell you, if I were the mother of that baby who died in Brooklyn b/c the emergency folk couldn't get to where she was due to lack of snow cleanup I'd be going to see Bloomberg in person and demanding him to justify his elitism. You can break people if you're dedicated & when you bring a tragic situation right to someone's face, you're more likely to succeed. That's why I think kids should see the Censored 11 cartoons if you really want to teach them why racism is bad. It brings the spirit of those times & shows you racism instead of just telling you about it.
Things are much better for me but lately, I've been concerned lately about a close friend of mine. As you know from reading this blog, religion was quite pervasive in my childhood. I even went to a religious private school at one time. This close friend was, like me, from a religious household. Like many others, she also married young and stayed in our hometown.
She was in this tableau of the happy housewife/loving mother until very recently. Now I think she, like anyone else, should have gotten the opportunity to sow wild oates, date around & spend time figuring out her own identity, what "happily ever after" would mean to her, etc. I have to agree with a gentleman I met one night in Buckhead when I was at a club in Atlanta. He was in town on business & if he'd not had an early morning meeting, he said he'd have wanted to do the nasty w/me (not those exact words but you get the idea). Aside from that (and being cute enough for me to seriously consider it but only w/protection), he told me point blank that I shouldn't even consider getting married before turning 25. This is sage advice for anyone, if you ask me. You should spend time figuring out yourself, having experiences to draw upon when you're old, etc.
So, unfortunately my friend's unhappiness has hit the breaking point. She & her estranged hubby have a child together and there's been accusations that she committed adultery.
Remember when I said she was also from a religious family? Her father was livid & actually fired her for no good reason. He's apparently also living up to Christian hypocrisy by acting like anything but, including injecting himself into this private situation.
It gets even more complicated in that a new guy has entered the picture, has similar relationship baggage & that his baby mama (as I'm not sure precisely if she's an ex-fiancee or ex-girlfriend) hates my friend. I heard about a possible new wrinkle to this tale that makes my friend more like a Jerry Springer cliche than the church goer I remember her to be.
I left her a message on Christmas Eve wishing her a good holiday & wanting to talk to her. You do that for friends. Problem is, I've not heard from her & only hear about her through my family. This is someone who's like a sister to me & she should know that she doesn't need to put on some happy show or happy face for me. If I became a celebrity, she's one of the few people I could be myself around & not wonder if she had an angle.
I'm also not a judgmental person & don't consider religion a panacea. Plenty of people do just fine without going to church every Sunday or falling in line w/the preaching hypocrites.
After I heard about the potentially new wrinkle, it occurred to me that her dad is probably disappointed & feels like a failure as a parent. I still don't condone his behavior + think it confirms every non-religious person's hatred of fundies, born agains & their ilk.
Do I approve of all this? Hell no! I feel like my friend is turning into some of my sister's former friends who put men ahead of their kids. If these assholes are the same ones trying to have me breed, they've added the sin of hypocrisy to their misdeeds.
I'm really hoping that new wrinkle is a false alarm or I'm going to have to say something that will probably be taken badly but I strongly believe should be done for all that is good and fair in this world. I also can't condone anyone emotionally abusing a child since I had to go through that myself as a child. I remember lots of hurtful things that were said to me: for instance, an aunt telling me & my sister that she loved my cousins more than us.
I also feel like I'm being snubbed & that this person may not deserve to be a close friend if I can't get that reciprocation. After all, my husband's my closest friend & he wouldn't shut me out from a problem. I prefer to have quality over quantity in any aspect of my life & people are no exception.
Where's the friendship if you don't even bother to talk to a close friend? If it's not wanting to hear the truth from me, too bad. I acknowledge that your life is yours alone to live but I'm not a Yes Woman. I'm not interested in being one either.
Quickest way to avoid becoming a Yes (Wo)man? Become an attorney. Attorneys are supposed to deliver the truth, good or bad. If they don't, they get blamed when things fall apart.
I'm also glad I didn't vote for Bloomberg & think the mayor of Newark kicks ass for going out into the mess. That guy gives a damn about his city & isn't a classist asshole who's too good to trudge out there. I tell you, if I were the mother of that baby who died in Brooklyn b/c the emergency folk couldn't get to where she was due to lack of snow cleanup I'd be going to see Bloomberg in person and demanding him to justify his elitism. You can break people if you're dedicated & when you bring a tragic situation right to someone's face, you're more likely to succeed. That's why I think kids should see the Censored 11 cartoons if you really want to teach them why racism is bad. It brings the spirit of those times & shows you racism instead of just telling you about it.
Things are much better for me but lately, I've been concerned lately about a close friend of mine. As you know from reading this blog, religion was quite pervasive in my childhood. I even went to a religious private school at one time. This close friend was, like me, from a religious household. Like many others, she also married young and stayed in our hometown.
She was in this tableau of the happy housewife/loving mother until very recently. Now I think she, like anyone else, should have gotten the opportunity to sow wild oates, date around & spend time figuring out her own identity, what "happily ever after" would mean to her, etc. I have to agree with a gentleman I met one night in Buckhead when I was at a club in Atlanta. He was in town on business & if he'd not had an early morning meeting, he said he'd have wanted to do the nasty w/me (not those exact words but you get the idea). Aside from that (and being cute enough for me to seriously consider it but only w/protection), he told me point blank that I shouldn't even consider getting married before turning 25. This is sage advice for anyone, if you ask me. You should spend time figuring out yourself, having experiences to draw upon when you're old, etc.
So, unfortunately my friend's unhappiness has hit the breaking point. She & her estranged hubby have a child together and there's been accusations that she committed adultery.
Remember when I said she was also from a religious family? Her father was livid & actually fired her for no good reason. He's apparently also living up to Christian hypocrisy by acting like anything but, including injecting himself into this private situation.
It gets even more complicated in that a new guy has entered the picture, has similar relationship baggage & that his baby mama (as I'm not sure precisely if she's an ex-fiancee or ex-girlfriend) hates my friend. I heard about a possible new wrinkle to this tale that makes my friend more like a Jerry Springer cliche than the church goer I remember her to be.
I left her a message on Christmas Eve wishing her a good holiday & wanting to talk to her. You do that for friends. Problem is, I've not heard from her & only hear about her through my family. This is someone who's like a sister to me & she should know that she doesn't need to put on some happy show or happy face for me. If I became a celebrity, she's one of the few people I could be myself around & not wonder if she had an angle.
I'm also not a judgmental person & don't consider religion a panacea. Plenty of people do just fine without going to church every Sunday or falling in line w/the preaching hypocrites.
After I heard about the potentially new wrinkle, it occurred to me that her dad is probably disappointed & feels like a failure as a parent. I still don't condone his behavior + think it confirms every non-religious person's hatred of fundies, born agains & their ilk.
Do I approve of all this? Hell no! I feel like my friend is turning into some of my sister's former friends who put men ahead of their kids. If these assholes are the same ones trying to have me breed, they've added the sin of hypocrisy to their misdeeds.
I'm really hoping that new wrinkle is a false alarm or I'm going to have to say something that will probably be taken badly but I strongly believe should be done for all that is good and fair in this world. I also can't condone anyone emotionally abusing a child since I had to go through that myself as a child. I remember lots of hurtful things that were said to me: for instance, an aunt telling me & my sister that she loved my cousins more than us.
I also feel like I'm being snubbed & that this person may not deserve to be a close friend if I can't get that reciprocation. After all, my husband's my closest friend & he wouldn't shut me out from a problem. I prefer to have quality over quantity in any aspect of my life & people are no exception.
Where's the friendship if you don't even bother to talk to a close friend? If it's not wanting to hear the truth from me, too bad. I acknowledge that your life is yours alone to live but I'm not a Yes Woman. I'm not interested in being one either.
Quickest way to avoid becoming a Yes (Wo)man? Become an attorney. Attorneys are supposed to deliver the truth, good or bad. If they don't, they get blamed when things fall apart.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Some Roots of My Classism
If you are from a higher class background and scratch your head at the whole poor experience or why people don't just pay their bills, let me tell you about an interesting scenario that gives you a lot of detail into someone: bill collector calls.
Bill collectors will call your house & use every dirty trick they can under the law to get money from you. They might as well get big guys with pipes and baseball bats the way you can get harassed. Some of them will call people who aren't even named debtors just to bother them. I don't know why, especially if your address is different from theirs. Harassment tactic? Getting family members to harass you to pay a bill you can't pay?
Growing up in a household where you had to screen phone calls, I'm not a judgmental prick when it comes to someone getting collection calls. Here are some cues to where someone falls on the socioeconomic ladder:
If:
* You ask someone why they don't just pay their bills or write a check to a creditor.
* You give out information to creditors calling your home.
* You give out honest information to creditors such as phone numbers, social security numbers, etc.
then you have never been poor. You think all people owing money to someone are deadbeats and you're liable to get murdered by those who are honestly trying to pay bills but have asshole creditors who won't compromise or budge an inch. This type of thing provokes rage from my family members & from me.
The people who have had to deal with this know how scummy bill collectors are & don't help them. They also don't walk around with sanctimonious attitudes or make naive and stupid statements such as suggesting you negotiate with bill collectors or "pay your bills."
Do you really think anyone enjoys screening their phone calls or dealing with bill collectors? If you think there's any choice involved, you're a special type of scumbag & deserve to become poorer than anyone you dare to trash.
So I think where you fall on this issue is a good indicator of the type of person you are and where you came from. For my part, I think people who didn't have life handed to them on a silver platter are more resourceful, smarter and more prepared for the real world than those who did. I relate better to those people & figured that anyone I'd really be serious about would have to be someone who'd had to deal with bill collectors calling or understand real life as I knew it. My feeling was that no rich guy would ever be able to understand me and therefore, could never fully accept me for who I am.
One thing I'm thrilled about is that many people in my life believe in me and think that things will work out for me in a meaningful way. Some of these were people I didn't even think believed in me.
I'm glad people in my life root for me. We all need that. To me, if you're not rooting for me, then you're against me. Being against me means I don't give a damn about you. It means I know you'll be eating your words since many people doubted or discounted me on other things & when I proved them wrong, they had to eat their words. Making people eat their words is fun.
What I despise is haters in your own family. I feel like my husband suffered a disadvantage since I don't see most of his family believing in him or nurturing his dreams like mine did & still do. Count yourself lucky if your family stands by you, especially if you're pursuing a career in entertainment. He says they do but I beg to differ. None of them are buying our movies, going to our events or seem to consider me pursuing this as a serious career like everyone else does. Making money should not be the criterion to calling yourself an entertainment professional; otherwise, most of us couldn't claim that title.
I'm glad my close family & friends don't view me as some wannabe, that they take me & our work seriously. They'd be at our events & see me sing in a second if they lived near here. I don't have room for haters in my life, not anywhere. I feel like people are either with me or against me. I'm glad my husband & so many other people are with me. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
And if you're not with me, don't expect me to have any kindness or mercy toward you. Don't ask for favors and don't try being a friend b/c I'll just see right through you. Not understanding the creative mindset is a huge roadblock to relating to me or anyone else who is a true creative.
Bill collectors will call your house & use every dirty trick they can under the law to get money from you. They might as well get big guys with pipes and baseball bats the way you can get harassed. Some of them will call people who aren't even named debtors just to bother them. I don't know why, especially if your address is different from theirs. Harassment tactic? Getting family members to harass you to pay a bill you can't pay?
Growing up in a household where you had to screen phone calls, I'm not a judgmental prick when it comes to someone getting collection calls. Here are some cues to where someone falls on the socioeconomic ladder:
If:
* You ask someone why they don't just pay their bills or write a check to a creditor.
* You give out information to creditors calling your home.
* You give out honest information to creditors such as phone numbers, social security numbers, etc.
then you have never been poor. You think all people owing money to someone are deadbeats and you're liable to get murdered by those who are honestly trying to pay bills but have asshole creditors who won't compromise or budge an inch. This type of thing provokes rage from my family members & from me.
The people who have had to deal with this know how scummy bill collectors are & don't help them. They also don't walk around with sanctimonious attitudes or make naive and stupid statements such as suggesting you negotiate with bill collectors or "pay your bills."
Do you really think anyone enjoys screening their phone calls or dealing with bill collectors? If you think there's any choice involved, you're a special type of scumbag & deserve to become poorer than anyone you dare to trash.
So I think where you fall on this issue is a good indicator of the type of person you are and where you came from. For my part, I think people who didn't have life handed to them on a silver platter are more resourceful, smarter and more prepared for the real world than those who did. I relate better to those people & figured that anyone I'd really be serious about would have to be someone who'd had to deal with bill collectors calling or understand real life as I knew it. My feeling was that no rich guy would ever be able to understand me and therefore, could never fully accept me for who I am.
One thing I'm thrilled about is that many people in my life believe in me and think that things will work out for me in a meaningful way. Some of these were people I didn't even think believed in me.
I'm glad people in my life root for me. We all need that. To me, if you're not rooting for me, then you're against me. Being against me means I don't give a damn about you. It means I know you'll be eating your words since many people doubted or discounted me on other things & when I proved them wrong, they had to eat their words. Making people eat their words is fun.
What I despise is haters in your own family. I feel like my husband suffered a disadvantage since I don't see most of his family believing in him or nurturing his dreams like mine did & still do. Count yourself lucky if your family stands by you, especially if you're pursuing a career in entertainment. He says they do but I beg to differ. None of them are buying our movies, going to our events or seem to consider me pursuing this as a serious career like everyone else does. Making money should not be the criterion to calling yourself an entertainment professional; otherwise, most of us couldn't claim that title.
I'm glad my close family & friends don't view me as some wannabe, that they take me & our work seriously. They'd be at our events & see me sing in a second if they lived near here. I don't have room for haters in my life, not anywhere. I feel like people are either with me or against me. I'm glad my husband & so many other people are with me. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
And if you're not with me, don't expect me to have any kindness or mercy toward you. Don't ask for favors and don't try being a friend b/c I'll just see right through you. Not understanding the creative mindset is a huge roadblock to relating to me or anyone else who is a true creative.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Employment Based on Credit Records
This just pisses me off!
Okay, genius tell me how anyone's supposed to improve their situation when A) you refuse to consider someone for a job since they didn't pay their bills & B) the person has been unemployed or otherwise had no money to PAY for said bills.
This is the same reasoning used by character & fitness committees for attorneys trying to get admitted to the bar. It is 100% classist & completely offensive. As someone who was caught in this catch-22 herself, it still infuriates me to this day. Contrary to their theory, I had nothing else on my record. Not even a parking ticket to my name.
It's obvious to me that anyone looking at credit reports for a job that has nothing to do with the handling of money is a total moron who came from privilege. These types are almost at the top of my list of people who should die slow, painful deaths with no one to mourn them.
Now I know a fair number of people who came from money & the ones I bother to associate with are decent people. They understand that classism is no way to help a poor person; it just keeps people down & makes them resort to crime in order to survive. If I personally were in such a situation, you'd better believe I'd do whatever I had to in order to survive. That's simple human nature.
If I had my way, credit reports would be far easier to correct & carry much less weight in basic decisions such as getting a place to live, having car insurance and employment. Oh, and if you expect someone to pay a debt they'll never repay it if you get a judgment on them. That just messes up their credit report & guarantees he/she will NOT get a legitimate job that might pay enough to repay it.
Studies have shown that credit reports are not completely reliable & furthermore, these alleged connections to things like bad driving, not paying rent, being vulnerable to bribes, etc. are junk. Plenty of people with sterling credit are doing these things; yet no one gives a damn about THAT.
It makes me want to withdraw from society & not have a credit history at all; I'm not a Michael Moore fan or anything (in fact, I'm a fan of no one since I won't go through anyone's trash or scream like a teenager at anyone's presence) but I will give him credit for his statement in "Sicko" about the conspiracy in this country to keep young people in line by putting them in debt forever. Check it out sometime.
Okay, genius tell me how anyone's supposed to improve their situation when A) you refuse to consider someone for a job since they didn't pay their bills & B) the person has been unemployed or otherwise had no money to PAY for said bills.
This is the same reasoning used by character & fitness committees for attorneys trying to get admitted to the bar. It is 100% classist & completely offensive. As someone who was caught in this catch-22 herself, it still infuriates me to this day. Contrary to their theory, I had nothing else on my record. Not even a parking ticket to my name.
It's obvious to me that anyone looking at credit reports for a job that has nothing to do with the handling of money is a total moron who came from privilege. These types are almost at the top of my list of people who should die slow, painful deaths with no one to mourn them.
Now I know a fair number of people who came from money & the ones I bother to associate with are decent people. They understand that classism is no way to help a poor person; it just keeps people down & makes them resort to crime in order to survive. If I personally were in such a situation, you'd better believe I'd do whatever I had to in order to survive. That's simple human nature.
If I had my way, credit reports would be far easier to correct & carry much less weight in basic decisions such as getting a place to live, having car insurance and employment. Oh, and if you expect someone to pay a debt they'll never repay it if you get a judgment on them. That just messes up their credit report & guarantees he/she will NOT get a legitimate job that might pay enough to repay it.
Studies have shown that credit reports are not completely reliable & furthermore, these alleged connections to things like bad driving, not paying rent, being vulnerable to bribes, etc. are junk. Plenty of people with sterling credit are doing these things; yet no one gives a damn about THAT.
It makes me want to withdraw from society & not have a credit history at all; I'm not a Michael Moore fan or anything (in fact, I'm a fan of no one since I won't go through anyone's trash or scream like a teenager at anyone's presence) but I will give him credit for his statement in "Sicko" about the conspiracy in this country to keep young people in line by putting them in debt forever. Check it out sometime.
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