Friday, December 28, 2012

Using Credit Scores to Find "the One": Are You a Fucking Idiot or a Classist Asshole?!

Does anyone remember that commercial from a few years back? The one with the little song that goes:

Well, I married my dream girl
I married my dream girl...

and then talks about how they're living in his parent's basement because of her low credit score.

I was pissed off the first time I saw that commercial. I thought "Shallow asshole! How do you know she didn't have some legitimate situation causing it? Go fuck yourself."

So then I came across this story where the woman profiled was on a first date with a man who openly asks her "What's your credit score?" He proceeds to tell her that having a low credit score is a deal-breaker for him.

Time to enlighten some elitist assholes on how credit scores actually work:

1. Unless you're in a community property state, you don't marry other people's debt. Separate debt is the same thing as separate assets. Don't cosign for things & you won't have any problems.

2. We have a little concept calling renting & buying property using one person's record. You don't have to get a house or an apartment in your spouse's name if his/her credit is bad. There's no law requiring married couples to put everything in both their names, including bank accounts.

I refused to combine finances because of my father's habit of pulling money without telling my mother or documenting it in their checking account.

3. Student loan debts are ONLY the responsibility of the student who got them & anyone who cosigned for them. You didn't cosign for them? Then shut the fuck up about anyone's loans.

If your spouse dies and there's no cosigner to go after, the student loan lenders are out of luck. They can collect from the dead person's estate but if there's nothing there, they can't touch you living spouse.

Since my husband cosigned some of mine, I have life insurance to cover it so they won't bother him if anything happens to me before they can be paid off.

I find this practice totally deplorable (we'll get to why in a moment) but if you're going to demand someone to have perfect credit to marry or maybe even give you oral sex, at least know the damn laws & how they work. Be educated on the basics of how credit works & what responsibilities spouses do & do not have!

Here's why I think asking for credit scores or to see credit reports is a very shitty idea:

1. Identity theft. It does happen & it's very hard to get erroneous charges taken off your report. What if some illegal stole the person's social security number? You know enforcement of any of this shit is currently a pipe dream. Ask the people who've been through it. Their stories are everywhere.

I also wish someone would steal YOUR identity & not just mutilate your credit but make it so bad, you wouldn't get relief unless you staged your own death.

2. Classism. Being a lawyer who didn't come from some mega-millionaire family or have a trust fund, I have serious student loan debt. So do many other lawyers along with plenty of doctors, dentists and other professionals. Plenty of us couldn't pay six figures up front to go to school but had some aptitude to make it through & get our licenses.

Excuse the fuck out of me for not being born to money!!! That would be my response if you asked for my credit report/score, after I called you a classist asshole & went on a huge tirade about how you've violated my trust along with not bothering to listen when I talked about my upbringing and the resulting lack of trust in most people.

I'd probably also ask when you're going to present me with the pre-nup and you'd pretty much be looking at never getting to do anything remotely sexual with me again if you had before that point (that would be worse since then you'd have come at me with that from left field since I'd have never slept with someone I thought for a minute would ask me that).

I think I'd be mad enough to castrate that guy with my bare hands like that one woman did.

According to this reasoning I & every other person who came from a lower middle class background should have just not bothered getting an education and just become knocked up at 16. We shouldn't have bothered with getting good grades, leaving our hometowns or doing anything other than reliving a life we had no interest in. I think it's better for society at large that I'm doing what I do now instead of being another mother living in a trailer park, struggling from day to day & hating every moment of my existence. I would have turned that rage outward & people would have gotten hurt physically.

Lucky for everyone, I figured I could do better than that & actually did.

Yeah, telling that to someone from a background like mine will really endear you to that person. Except it will just create hatred (in my case, immense hatred). That's the sort of thing that gets you on people's death lists.

Even the Career Services rep I spoke to in law school backed off after learning I was the first in my entire family (including extended & in-laws) to go to law school & the first in my immediate family to have a college degree! If some guy can't & asks this shit, he'd sure better not whine to me about his dating problems or lack of eligible women for him.

3. Credit reports tell you nothing about things that really matter. Look at all those Wall Street execs who stole money from people. I'll bet you their credit scores were wonderful & they had spotless financial records. Bernie Madoff probably had spectacular credit.

How do you know the person with a great credit score isn't just good at cooking books? What if that person is making drugs like Walter White or actually part of organized crime? A good criminal will be covering his/her ass all the time. Do you honestly think that if they want a rich/good credit significant other that they can't manipulate records to make that happen?

Yeah, that shining credit score will do you wonders when your significant other is in prison or has to pay a ton of money in restitution because you didn't bother to consider things like character, ethics, moral codes, etc. If you watch Breaking Bad, you know even a criminal background check wouldn't help you in screening out that kind of person. Gus was considered a model citizen & Walter was the average guy who won big by gambling and used the money to get a business.

4. Shitty Life Circumstances. Judging people based on their medical health, getting out of a bad relationship or having to run up their credit card bill to keep food on the table (more classism) makes you the lowest of the low. You invite karmic justice on yourself for doing that.

What if some girl you met had been in a domestic violence situation? Way to empower her or encourage her to date again by telling her that because she left her abuser (who more likely had more money than her) & suffered a hit to her credit, that you deem her unworthy of a date! That's a whole cultural failing I won't even touch right now but I think a rational person can see where I'm going with this one.

Wouldn't you wish for the judger to get cancer or die already? I'd have to. "Being the better person," my butt! I didn't sign on to do that so I'll wish death on people if I want to.

If gay people are the same way with potential dates, it makes you want to just get one of those interactive sex dolls & tell every human being on the planet to take a hike. After all, they won't talk back & can't get pregnant.

Now I do happen to manage my money & for those whiny brats who say "But everyone breaks up over MONEY!!" and "Only someone with a bad score would say that," here's my response:

Look at how the person manages money from month to month. Do they constantly have to beg, borrow & cheat to pay their basic bills? Are they asking you for money early on?

Have they suffered a major crisis recently (maybe you should look at the person's normal circumstances vs. having to live off unemployment or recently having it run out)?

How are the bills that they can actually manage to pay (food, utilities, other basics) vs. the ones that are ridiculously burdensome like student loan debt? Are you going to dump some public interest attorney because (s)he doesn't have 3 grand a month to pay student loan debts & the interest?

Some people got private loans as part of their student loan debt & the policy of private student loan lenders is "Fuck you, pay me," when it comes to getting a forbearance or deferment once your sometimes very limited time runs out on them.

I also despise this high & mighty attitude I've read about people with high credit scores telling those with lower ones that they have to fix them or they won't marry them.

First off, Princess Grace you sure aren't perfect! For one thing, you are a bitch for telling someone that or daring to make such a demand. You also have zero clue of what marriage is about. You shouldn't even bother with "for better or for worse" in your vows since you only want some millionaire. Why don't you just slut it up for some guy with a higher credit score?

Oh, but he's probably married to someone with some character & wouldn't give your gold-digging ass the time of day! Same for any men making those demands on women with lower scores. You aren't Prince Charming; you're just a fair weather jerkoff & someone like me would never give you the time of day.

Second, a good relationship is not about trying to change people. If you're a saver who loves a spendthrift, you can either accept this person & not let them be in charge of the finances or move on & find a saver (I found a saver & a guy I didn't feel any urge to change).

No one can claim to love you if they're making ultimatums like that on you.

Third, a good relationship is about being supportive of someone. The person with the low score would be better off with any random person of their sexual preference that they bumped into during rush hour on the subway. The higher score person totally sounds like a wolf who'd turn on you in a second; why bother with that shit?

Basing someone's character, chemistry with you & ability to be in your corner on their credit score guarantees you will be alone for a long time if not forever (maybe you can find another shallow asshole who deserves to die).

I also think you deserve everything you get & want you to suffer so horribly, your condition makes my family look like millionaires. I'll then laugh, point & smile with a sense of self-satisfaction at karma working out without me having to get involved.

You might want to consider whether someone's going to have your back if something bad happened to you since life usually isn't smooth sailing, even for rich people. Finally, when you die your fate isn't determined by what your credit score was. It's determined by how you treated others in this life.

So remember that when you're suffering eternal punishment after you die, your high credit score will be worthless.

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