Paying for Sanity, The Incompetence After the Storm & Why Can't We Get Burlseque at the Bar?

This is a lesson I've had to remind myself of tons of times. As a frugal person by nature, I tend to be very picky about spending money & have refused to spend what I feel is too much on something. My husband has a similar attitude; that's probably one reason our marriage works so well. I don't have to fight with anyone who spends money like a drunken sailor who believes he's never getting laid ever again so has to spend a fortune on entertaining the hottest girl in the room so he won't die without having gotten that quickie along with getting that good, stiff drink since they're no longer making that brand of liquor. We're huge believers in frugality.

At the same time, though I've found there are times when it's okay to spend more money. One of those times was today for gasoline.

You may have read about NYC's gas lines & recent start of rationing. I was awakened Tuesday morning by horn honking from stopped cars that were in a gas line on my block. If they'd not suspended parking that day & my car wasn't already on the proper side to avoid being ticked, I would not have been able to move my car to the proper side. Those parking tickets aren't cheap.

I also saw the craziness in walking around my neighborhood & I'm having none of it. Fortunately, we had more gas in our car pre-Sandy that I thought we had. This meant the freedom of choice. I'd heard there were no lines in Connecticut or near a relative in New Jersey (where I understand gas rationing is still going on but has actually made a difference).

I decided to go to Connecticut to get gas & got up at 7 this morning to make that happen. Bear in mind that lately, I've been waking up around 12/1 p.m. (Sandy also screwed up my sleep schedule). I had to go today in order to be able to go on a trip that's been planned for months. Getting there & back was so much easier, let me tell you.

The station near my house had a line when I left for Connecticut & when I got back at around 9-9:15 this morning, the line had started to take over the main road I had to travel on. A normally 2 lane road was now 1 lane. I paid 50 cents more per gallon but I am more than happy to have paid it, for many reasons.

1. Not sitting in a 30 minutes if I'm lucky line. I'm not a person you want doing that since I've got a temper & if you mess with me, there will be problems. I also never claimed to be a paragon of patience.
2. Not paying increased tolls to get to New Jersey.
3. Not having to drive in Manhattan to go to that part of New Jersey. My route was all highway.
4. Being more familiar with Connecticut since I used to live there. I also know Connecticut doesn't have traffic circles or areas where you can't make left turns.

If this were a credit card commercial, it would end with Saving time & preventing unnecessary arrests: priceless. It's like "Wow, having lived in Connecticut for 3 years & driving around various areas of the state came in handy." That drive also helped me refresh my driving legs for the upcoming road trip & means we can actually take that road trip.

To avoid a gas line, you bet I'll do this. Essentially, it's paying for comfort. I found the same to be true when I took Amtrak on business class. That experience is why I'm not doing anything unless I can pay to get business class or not deal with crazy BS that's just going to raise my blood pressure & feel like Chinese water torture. Or for an analogy closer to home, maybe I should say I try to avoid situations akin to having a thong stuck in your butt & not being able to move it because you're at a work function or business meeting where there's no bathroom in sight or you're stuck with some irritating jerk you're just pretending to like who refuses to mingle.

I tend to resent paying more money for such things but today, I had no problem with it. Extraordinary circumstances & all. Can't believe Bloomberg claims this is going to continue for "a few more weeks." All I can say is he'd better be suspending alternate side parking restrictions while that's going on since I'm not waiting for a gas line to leave my block so I can move my car to the proper place. The street has enough room for one car on it so forget passing anyone; the only way you'll get people to move there is with a weapon or a death threat.

I'm also gratified to hear that people in Long Island started protesting at LIPA's headquarters because of the slow moving progress to restore power. My husband said LIPA is worthless & is glad he doesn't have to deal with them. Most people I know have either long since gotten their power back or never lost it in the first place (including in Long Island). I want their leadership to get nailed by the governor & hopefully forced to pay heavy fines. I'm sure those people without power would also like to see them serve some jail time.

You know, maybe the protestors without power should go camp out at the board members' homes & say "Until you restore our power, we're not moving." Might light some fires under a few behind if you did that, don't you think? Wouldn't it be ironic if they called the cops & the cops who showed up were also without power & sided with the protestors? Or maybe if the cops were human beings & agreed with this act? Gee, desperate times. Anyone get the memo on that?

I can't imagine the management there is sitting with no electricity at this point & I'd bet money they aren't.

Anyhow, another time I have to tell myself it's okay to spend money is if paying more means higher quality. There's also paying for things you don't already have or if you need a replacement. I'm very much of the school of using things until you can't anymore. I feel it's wasteful to get rid of something that still works or still fits you if it's not in disrepair. Had to reluctantly get rid of a rain coat I still can't find a viable replacement for due to it being in disrepair & despite my efforts in sewing up holes. I'd just get new holes in it. That still pisses me off & I can't find a replacement for it in my size. No one seems to have it & I adamantly refuse to get something that looks frumpy, boring or dull. Nor do I get things that look like what everyone else is wearing; kill me for having an aesthetic & caring about my appearance.

In other news, I got a part in the next City Bar show & guess what I'm playing: a "lady of the evening." I did get the one line I asked for & will get some solo singing in a song. This is probably the only venue where I can play that role without worrying about exploitation, losing credibility in my industry or getting a grievance filed against me. I also have to find out the time period of the show so I know how to do costuming. I have ideas; got the boots already though they aren't stripper heels. They come up pretty high on my leg & I've got lots of short skirts.

One thing I know is that I can't dress like I normally do. For one thing, no one's ever mistaken me for a prostitute (even in NC & Atlanta) & I've seen NYC prostitutes. They dress much more revealing than I do.

My husband's wary about it but I pointed out that I can't dress in something I'd wear normally (especially in the summer) since that's not honest to the role or the scene if it's present day. I most certainly will make sure nothing's going to be coming out unexpectedly (otherwise, I'd feel too self-conscious) & I've been on stage in all sorts of getup over the years. I've been in a swimsuit & reminded him that I did a song for my law school talent night one year in a lingerie top (a long camisole top that had a bra built in & was in the lingerie section of the store I got it from). We were dating at that time & he did not play Fashion Police over it.

If I get to dress as a modern day prostitute, I'll be thrilled since it will be an opportunity for rebellion. When I read the role, I was in immediately since I thought "In this stuffy forum, getting to do that & get away with it would be awesome!" Plus, no one would get to accuse me of hiding my body in shame or because I have scars or something that embarrasses me. I'm always trying to find ways to rebel in that atmosphere & man, if that's not the ultimate way to do so I'm not sure what is. There's also the stretch of my acting muscles if I get to play it honestly. If it's not present day, I'll have to buy stuff.

I've often thought about how cool it would be if we had burlesque at a bar association event; not all the shows involve nudity & most of the acts I've seen had zero nudity. It's also an art form & does require some talent I don't have. The outfit I have in mind would certainly lend to more clothing than most burlesque performers end up in at the end of their acts. Plus, burlesque is certainly not the same as stripping & only an uncultured idiot who doesn't know anything about it would say it was. There's a different format & tone in burlesque than there is a strip show. I also don't think a burlesque performer will give you a lap dance no matter how much money you offer her (or him, but mostly her). The men would probably still be titillated enough to show up though at the Liberty Belle Spectacular, it was mostly women watching the burlesque performances.

Now to fully enjoy Car 54, Where Are You? Hopefully, I'll be awake enough to watch Dobie Gillis after this. I like both of these shows since they are funny as hell & wish they had good DVD sets. If they did, we'd own them in a heartbeat. I'm sad that Car 54 had cruddy DVD sets. Why can't METv show their full schedule in my area?! I have it on DVD but I'd watch Get Smart on there or see about watching The Donna Reed Show since I've not seen it since the late '80s when we had cable & Nick at Nite. Why can't they show these programs at more convenient times than 2 & 3 a.m. on Saturday nights? I hate the stupid infomercials they show for half the day when we could be watching MeTV shows, considering we don't have Antenna TV.

Everyone Always Says "Give Me Money!"

So, if you've read this blog & know my stances on things you know that I'm not someone who came from privilege. You know that I actually had to (gasp) WORK to get where I am. I didn't have parents, friends or most importantly, money to get me places. Much of what I've been able to do was based on my own abilities, good fortune and some smart people who saw a spark in me.

For instance, I'm still working on that vlogging opportunity but I found out I'll have to get an iPhone 4 instead of an iPhone 3 for it. Now, I'll have to pay about $100 for the iPhone 4 & while I'm able to afford it I've been having a moral conflict on getting one. How come, you might ask?

Well, I feel a bit decadent about spending $100 on it. I also feel like I'll become a cliche of an elitist since the newest model just came out this week. I'm also not an early adapter or even a present time adapter: I'm a late adapter, God damn it! This ruins my concept of myself as a late adapter & is a cruel irony in my book.

However, to reconcile this I've told myself that maybe I should treat myself once in a while & stop living like a miser. I tend to be very much in that "live like a student" mindset though I'm certainly not the cheapest or most frugal person ever.

I do have my limits: no reused sandwich bags or compost piles. There will also be flush toilets anyplace I live. I'd also consider hiring someone to pick up my husband's comics if we had $ for it. No living somewhere unsafe & no Dollar Store underwear.

I think this is foreshadowing for if I make real $ & everyone having to yell at me about spending some of it vs. living as though going out to dinner one evening fucks up my entire budget for the month (this was true when I was a student). If people don't do it, I could easily see myself becoming one of those old people who lives in abject poverty only to die with an estate worth hundreds of thousands of dollars & up. I do veer more to that direction that spendthrift territory.

Today, I was listening to a telephone seminar on a topic I found interesting. However, I'm to the point of not wanting to go to free programs on anything pertaining to the entertainment industry or creative things in general. Let me explain.

Every single damn time I go to a free program on just about anything, you always without fail hear a presenter telling you you MUST have money to do things. You have to pay for publicity, rent a theater, get an agent, etc.

Now, while I do agree that you get what you pay for and quality does have a price the whole process of that just bothers me. Then, when someone makes a money grab afterwards, it really hits the point home for me: If you don't come from money, you shouldn't even bother improving yourself or your life.

"Don't bother writing a book, creating a 1 person show, writing a film, going to a good college, anything. You don't come from money so who cares if you have any natural talent or skill!"

That's what I feel like telling someone to pay for stuff is implicitly saying. This is also an ethic you'll find all through law school. If you ask me, a chimp with a million dollars could be on law review b/c that chimp could afford study aids & anyone without a million dollars can't, regardless of any natural intelligence or ability. Coincidentally, this is the primary reason I think the class ranking system in law school is utter bullshit & that people hiring for jobs seem to ignore this reality in hiring.

If you're going to tell someone they need to have wads of cash to do something, why not tell people HOW to make money? Saying "go beg to family" isn't an option for everyone. If I had that, I wouldn't have anymore student loan debt.

How about a seminar telling someone how to get a benefactor? Or how to make money without demeaning yourself (no telling someone to work as a stripper or turn tricks)? While we're at it, how about telling someone how to make money without breaking the law or demeaning themselves?

Any chucklehead can say "Oh, you need money to do that." How about suggestions on ways to get benefactors or who to network with so we can get around those hurdles? How about suggestions on networking events where we might meet these people?

I find "Get $10,000 [or some other high ass crazy amount you'll never get in this lifetime unless you live with your parents or start breaking the law]!" or "Ask Mommy & Daddy for $," to be as useful as the average law school career services center (and you know how useful they are if you've been to law school; if you haven't, their helpfulness is nil at best).

This whole attitude that you must have money to do anything doesn't inspire someone who came from nothing to dream or bother working on those dreams. Nor does it encourage one to do anything pro-social (i.e. work an honest job, get an education, do something that helps society vs. harms it). Hell, I think it encourages people to become teen parents, sell drugs, never do anything beyond whatever sector of the economic ladder they were born into.

Is the US a fiefdom or can one actually get anywhere? What do you think? I'll say this: if I believed I was never going to do better than where I came from, I'd have killed myself long ago after taking out my oppressors.

General Musings Part 24 & Why Getting Laid Might Solve Some Problems

You ever notice how when you don't have a common necessity you wouldn't normally think much about, you tend to fixate on it and it suddenly becomes the most important thing ever? That's how I'm feeling about not having hot water right now. I'm thinking about the fact that I need to take a shower & can't do it with cold water.

I HAD to take a cold shower once in college when our sorority dorm lost hot water. It's not an experience I'm going to repeat considering it was horrible (you have to think very hot thoughts if you hope to survive it). Now I actually can't take hot showers b/c, as my husband puts it, my skin hates me but I have to have some sliver of warmth.

Not that I take having hot water for granted: I don't. I don't take having most things for granted since I vividly remember not having them & what that's like. I lived through car repossession, power outages, my father's having a beeping device attached to our phone when he was on house arrest, not having a telephone, etc. This was all due to not having money to pay for this stuff. I'm sure it's made me a stickler for not wasting things & keeping stuff until it's literally falling apart. Getting me to upgrade something that's not falling apart is like pulling teeth & you probably won't win that argument.

Anyhow, now for some mini-rants:

Speaking of frugality, I think some of this list is total garbage. Here's why:

On #1, not all computer screens are as big as TV screens. As some people commented later pointed out, you can't have a Super Bowl party without a big TV screen to watch it on. Sames goes for Pay Per View events.

On #2, my mother absolutely will not let me live somewhere without a land line. She told me this years ago when I moved to CT to attend law school. This is because cell phone reception can get stinky. In some areas, you get nothing. My mom now lives out in the country & I'm sure with some cell providers, you don't get anywhere near the clarity you get of a land line.

Second, no way in Hell am I giving out a cell number to certain people. I don't want phone calls from solicitors, bill collectors and other annoying, abusive jerks I have no interest in dealing with. I also work in an industry where if that kind of thing were public record, you'd get harassed all the time by gate crashers asking you to read scripts, put them in film/TV, represent them, or whatever it was you were known for. No, thank you! Even someone's assistant doesn't need that headache.

I have to disagree w/#3 & #4 as well since I think that's premature at the moment. Blu-Ray is not the standard, you have to pay a bunch of money to get the proper TV for it & DVDs are still being made. The Blu-Ray to DVD comparison is also nothing compared to the DVD to VHS quality comparison. I'd be an idiot to waste money on it.

I'm also not getting rid of my physical media. You never know when you might have problems with your computer, ITunes, etc. When that happens, you could easily lose everything. The retailers might be okay with you having to pay a ton of money for the same thing but I as a consumer am not. I like the physical product in my hand that I can watch when I want to and not when a company decides I can access it. I take care of my physical products so I know I'm not going to be causing it to mess up where I have to replace it a hundred times.

When Blu-Ray is the standard, comes down dramatically in cost (both for any special TVs and the discs themselves) and there's some better quality, it might be worth it but until then, I'm not upgrading. I'm also just not parting with physical media because unless you're very good at backing things up, you're screwed if you lose it. Plus, you can't travel with it unless you spend a ton of money for a device where you can (like a smartphone; even iPods are close to $200, which I find too pricey).

I kind of agree with #5 & #6. We debated on #6. But instead of paying for watching programs, you could just download them for free illegally. Not that I'm telling you to do it: I'm just saying you CAN do it. Not everything is on Netflix or Hulu. I know I won't find older shows that I like, hence my getting them on DVD or having taped them years ago when they were played & keeping my tapes.

Finally, I really disagree with #7. We're just now getting the legal field to catch up with modern technology such as requiring e-filing for cases. I also don't do text or instant messaging these days. Most businesses I know of opt for the conference call. Plus, I find e-mail useful to have a record of what someone said without having to keep a bunch of paper around or save every single IM or text conversation you send to someone. Most people don't save them or they'd trash them right away. In terms of the business world, I really disagree with this one.

It's also much, MUCH cheaper to apply for jobs or send correspondence through e-mail vs. snail mail. Unless you know someone, I don't think I'd use texting or Facebook to send a resume. Even with LinkedIn, you'd just send an e-mail attachment to an individual you corresponded with or apply for a job ad like on most job search sites. Not something you can find on Facebook and with the security breaches, would you really want to? You also need e-mail to use most job search websites since it's required in registration or responding to ads.

Glad to see many of the comments also agree with much of this.

This is absolutely disgusting and just one more reason to hate Chase bank. If this bank were truly sorry, they'd be paying this guy a bunch of money to get his life in order. They'd be sending a statement to the background checking/credit checking companies to clarify the situation to keep him from having to explain the incarceration and so forth. They'd also go lobby Congress to change current law in order to make it easier for people in that situation. One more reason I'll never bank there & for the anti-big bank crowd to convince people to stick to credit unions/local banks.

This just pisses me off like you don't believe. Maybe if you morons made sure the machines were working properly every hour the store is open, you wouldn't have some of the problems. Also I think these people should try SHOPPING in these stores sometime undercover, where checkers and staff will think they are the average consumer. I could name a number of times when Stop & Shop's scanner saved the day.

Try waiting in long lines when you're buying less than 10 items & the express line isn't open. Or getting a few items when you've got assholes with enough food to feed Ethiopia for the next decade are in the self bagging lane. I've seen this in Long Island and if I worked there, I'd tell people to get the hell out of the line & institute an item limit. I think some of these even have item limits while these jerks violate it with no repercussions. Try dealing with the slow people who have nothing better to do than meander around! Finally, see the customer service you get. I've seen very little customer service at these stores that truly impressed me and made me feel I was getting a personal touch. Normally, you feel like these people could care less about the customer. You can tell they aren't getting paid much & don't have pride in the job. I'll say it again: if you don't like your paycheck, don't take it out on the general public. Go find another job, get more education or shut up & change your attitude! No one wants to hear about it & the public didn't set your salary. Take that gripe to your manager, not me.

Having a job is not a right or an entitlement. If you can't do yours, you deserve to be replaced. If your position is obsolete, it's time to get with the times and deal with it. You could always do other things. For instance, they'll never outsource hairdressing or nail work. People will always be shallow & want to look good. I don't think societal pressure on women to look good will fade anytime soon. Find your own examples.

Now, for one more reason I refuse to live someplace with a homeowner's association of any sort. I hate the concept of co-op boards and condominium boards for pretty much these exact reasons. I also don't like the racism and classism they disguise as "image reasons." Nor do I think they should get the legal power that they get under state law. You can read appalling stories about the antics of some boards in NYC. That's totally scared me off from dealing with it. I believe that if you have the money to pay for it, you should live wherever you want. THAT should be it. I'm not going to live someplace where I have to impress some board by being someone I'm not & then get rejected because some jack hole didn't like my shoes or my husband. Oh, and legally you know the board doesn't have to impress YOU right? More reason for me not to consider buying there.

However, if you find me a board of people who think like me (say those frat looking guys who were the board at one place I heard about or some people who don't insist on only living amongst Stepford wives) then it might work out. Otherwise, I want to be left alone and not obligated to grovel for someone else's approval. I don't have enough experience on this to know for sure but I'm definitely skeptical about this being one of those situations where there's a match for everyone.

Reading this makes me happy with human nature. I'm glad to see that most people thought this guy was full of crap.

How about we agree that those who think video games should be put away at an arbitrary age are people that really need to get laid more often? If they had satisfying sex lives, maybe they would not be going on television to discuss stupid things like this. They might get those sticks out from up their butts and become rational human beings who focus on their own lives instead of the fundamentalist harpies we have now. I also think that anyone who thinks there's such an age when you're "too old" for video games is someone who is mentally 200 years old. Thank God my parents don't have that mentality! I could see them still being somewhat hip at 90, especially my dad. My mom would probably be dressed up and taking her walker to go trick or treating on Halloween.

So, lastly I saw this article. I'm a woman as well as a feminist: I found this funny. Do not lump all the whiny crybabies who complained about this one as "angry feminists." They most definitely don't represent me & maybe I don't quite fit "angry feminist" but I am both these things separately....

I think if these whining crybabies like this Rebecca Cullers who want to erode all humor out of the world by living in denial of basic truths actually got laid once in a while, they might get a sense of humor. I liken these people to the types who'll look for anything different or unique & get offended by it just because they are jealous harpies who couldn't come up with an original idea if it walked up and bit them on the butt. Personally, I like the old saying "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke." There are women who aren't suffering from PMS or having that time of the month who are like this all the time; what's their excuse?

Know what pisses ME off??? Bitchy females (for that matter, anyone in particular) who want to erode all the joy, fun and charm of the world. These are the same women who play fashion police because they are too old or fat to wear things & instead of improving THEMSELVES or being proud of who THEY are, they have to go drag everyone else down to THEIR level. You ever notice that women who have self-confidence and know they are awesome don't do this stuff? If I already know who I am and that I'm a person of worth, I don't have to tear down others to prop myself up. It's wasted energy.

You'll notice all the representatives who want to do away with women's rights are old white men. You don't see young men doing this unless perhaps they're a clone of Alex Keaton from Family Ties.

Women doing these sorts of things really piss me off since I'm female and that makes me look bad by association. I sure don't want my husband thinking I'm also a joyless harpy. If I were, he certainly wouldn't have married me.

So why do I think people (that is, those over 18 who are not being supported by their parents) should get laid more? There are very good reasons.

First off, religion preaches against it constantly. You rarely hear about ministers telling people to have sex & the ones who tell married couples to do it still make headlines. You'll notice many of our maladjusted folk are the ones who had to deal with the drumbeat of religion & follow it to a hyper-fanatical degree. My experience in a religious household probably helps here as well. Know how many "cool" teachers I had in private school, where you'd feel you could come to them with problems? I rest my case.

Second, sex is relaxing & tends to mellow folk out. Everyone I know that ever said "So & So needs to get laid." meant it as "So & So is pissing me off/a killjoy/annoying everyone all the time as a personality trait." I never actually heard of an authority figure saying sex was good until I went to college. As a freshman, one of my classmates talked about a professor who encouraged her students to have sex. We were also told about how the threat of pregnancy (as in the possibility of it happening during a given sexual encounter) really wasn't as bad as we'd been scared with as middle & high school kids. College professors were also much cooler as a whole. I also grew up in NC so perhaps that's a factor.

Third, people with sex lives tend to consider them a priority. If you're too busy having sex, you won't bother people on other matters. You tend to not worry about who your neighbor sleeps with or what your co-worker does at home.

Maybe we should also slip some pot brownies to religious lunatics so they'll lighten up. Then, they might focus on getting high instead of closing down Planned Parenthood or getting offended by what they saw on "the TV."

Teens generally don't suffer from this problem so most of them don't need to get laid. Some will do it anyway so I'm all for teaching actual sex ed & making contraception available to them. I didn't but largely because I didn't want to be stuck in NC and because no one I went to school with understood the term discretion. Better not to have to worry about if such personal details like what your private parts look like become fodder for gossip. In my case, I know it would have been a problem with all the notoriety I had. Social pressure made it easy for me to abstain. Not sure about other teens, though.

I still contend that if more adults got laid more often, we might have fewer problems in this country. There should be a "mind your own business" law when it comes to things like consensual sex, abortion, voluntary sterilization, marriage, etc. Things where only YOU have to deal with the consequences vs. society or non-consenting participants like kids or rape victims. Morality shouldn't be legislated. End of story.