Why Not Working for the Man Kicks Serious Butt

Reading blogs like Evil HR Lady really make me appreciate the fact that I don't have a full time corporate job. So do articles like this one.

Personally, my feeling is that if you want me to do extra work & aren't:

A) Paying me extra money
B) Giving me overtime; or
C) Giving me some other incentive like more vacation time, business equipment, or something else to motivate me

then...you can go pound sand & I'll tell you as much. I refuse to go making a boss look good (#5) if that boss is a sociopathic cretin who isn't going to recognize me or follow quid pro quo. Nor would a lawyer last long anywhere outside a law firm by never delivering bad news or playing devil's advocate (#4). Heck, I feel it's a lawyer's duty not to be a "yes" person. Lawyers should be speaking up if a course of action is going to be bad for the business or lead to a multi-million dollar lawsuit it will likely lose.

#17 is also something I'd never do for a sociopathic cretin; furthermore, you have to have limits or you could end up doing janitorial work or other tasks that are a complete waste of your time in light of your skills. It's just foolhardy to expect a lawyer to clean toilets, you know? Finally, lawyers had damn well better not follow #13 if the boss is breaking the law. Keeping silent on certain things like investor fraud makes you a complicit party or at least like you're giving tacit approval & could get you in trouble with the state grievance committee.

Maybe my experiences have been unusual but I do think they prove you can't be a "good employee" at the expense of your ethical duties or your ability to keep a law license. Clearly, the rules are different for in-house lawyers & after you've had experiences where you had to fight to get your paycheck, you tend to be far less altruistic or sympathetic to an employer.

I recently discovered one plus to being a freelancer: you literally can't bitch about paying taxes to Uncle Sam since he didn't already take taxes from your pay like he did for the employees of the world. Plus, there's the added bonus of not having to worry about the government being too broke to give you a refund. You have that money right there if you set aside too much.

I also saw this article today & I realized why I'm better off doing what I'm doing. Much of this sums up my feelings on typical employers. If it's not a smaller company or someplace that doesn't expect me to give up everything for it, I'm just not going to be happy. Not getting to talk to the CEO or significant higher ups is also a huge problem for my working with anyone.

Finally, it's great to work for yourself because you will never have to write a "mission statement" for any prospective employer. Just today, I saw a Craig's List ad seeking interns & stating that "interns who do not submit a mission statement will not receive a response."

It got me thinking: what would my mission statement be? Kicking ass & taking names? Actually, that should be the mission statement for any attorney, effective government official or Mafia employee.

Seriously, though why does an INTERN need a mission statement? Are you a non-profit organization? A for-profit organization? Or are you a human being? Human beings have goals & aspirations, not mission statements.

Furthermore, if you're a recent college graduate or college student, how would you know what your mission statement is? You wouldn't even have much of a clue on what you wanted to do yet. When I'd graduated college, all I'd done was retail, telephone interviewing, babysitting, research at a presidential library, pet-sitting & helping give out food samples. I was someone who'd had some work experience; imagine people who never worked in high school or college. There are some people who get out of law school never having worked a job in their lives. Do you think they'd have a clue what their "mission statement" is? I didn't get out of college thinking I'd be doing what I do now.

There are older people who still don't know what they want to do. Some of them are living off their parents. Others just fell into jobs that they violently hate. I'll take limited income over being in a job I violently hate, thank you.

I think you have to have done some stuff in life & know more about the real world before you can even contemplate a true mission statement. That is, if you don't find it impersonal to even have one to start with. Do you write that on a resume? Get it tattooed somewhere on your body? It's the first time I've ever seen that as an application requirement.

Mine, if you really want to know is "kicking ass & taking names" or if you like my husband's idea, it's "mating with your men & destroying your society from the inside." If you're dumb enough to ask me for one, I'll have to put it on a resume so you can be all offended by the use of the word "ass."

Life lesson: ask for something asinine, expect to be offended.

General Musings, Part 3

Sometimes, I accumulate all these links I want to rant about then realize I have too freaking many. So, here we go again:

Apparently, this is what all the umemployed lawyers should be doing. However, let's think for a few minutes on this.

What if you're not working in the criminal arena? And will the FBI hire new attorneys?

What if you don't want to live in DC or any old place in the country?

Finally, I don't see anyone who knows me really being happy with the idea of me having access to weapons & other things you get from being in the FBI. I think they'd view it a bit like handing a machine gun and keys to a tank to Travis Bickle. There's only going to be disaster from that.

I like how Jason Latshaw thinks but perhaps he should hang around some bitter, unemployed attorneys who lack career prospects before endorsing their membership into a government organization responsible for bringing wrongdoers to justice. If some of these attorneys haven't become wrongdoers yet, I think they will pretty soon out of economic necessity, anger or psychological problems. I witnessed some of this firsthand when I did my first and only document review assignment.

Okay, pretty much all of mine & my husband's exes are, in fact, crazy. What do you call someone who:

* Puts hair clips on a cat's tail to discipline him
* Demands their significant other to immediately end all friendships with members of the opposite sex existing long before the relationship started
* Tries to elicit sympathy from your family members by discussing your relationship problems with them instead of his/her own family
* Tells you "I want to get married." & is only dating you for that reason
* Claims he/she wants to be a musician and live in New York City but then moves to Arizona and makes zero effort to find a band, practice or perform for anyone
* Sleeps with everyone in a major city (male & female) while lusting after a military member stationed overseas & dating you
* Still calls you after you mention that the person brought roaches into your parents' home
* Gets you soap as a Christmas gift when you shower regularly & have no problems with BO
* Drinks like a sailor and picks fights with strangers while you are driving

You'd have some of our exes. Oh, and saying "we're soulmates" in my world just means you're in lust up to your eyeballs with me. There's 3 simple options to the whole crazy ex thing:

1. Don't do the same shit everyone else did. I'll be the first to admit that women as a whole are crazy & some of us deserve the negative things people say about us. If you want someone to give you a chance, stop repeating everyone else's behavior.

2. Find someone whose ex stories are as bad as yours. Worked for me.

3. Create an act & take it to the road. Use the experiences to become a comedian, writer, something creative. It's cheaper than going to a therapist. I do some of that as well.

This topic has been done too death. If you think the choice not to breed is selfish, then how about you get a hobby? How about working in the court system or in a family law office that handles lots of cases dealing with children in awful situations? Perhaps adopt a few kids in this country.

Otherwise, keep your damn mouth shut & take your religion back to your church. I think once we accept this reality & make voluntary sterilization more accepted (i.e. no Spanish Inquisition for childfree women over 18 to get it done), we might be able to meaningfully tackle the abortion issue.

I think medical providers should be held liable for rejecting someone for sterilization who later has a child that becomes neglected or abused by the same woman either directly or indirectly. Local government & the court system should be able to get involved as well since that doctor's attempt to play God wasted the court's time & the government's resources having to intervene in neglect & abuse situations. Might teach some doctors to stop assuming a grown woman is broken if she doesn't want to give birth.

The ones who live in this century are a treasure & should be nationally recognized for treating women like adults instead of baby incubators.

Also said this ad on Craig's List for an "intern assistant."

Looking For An Intern Assistant (NY)
Date: 2010-07-15, 2:32PM EDT
Reply to: gigs-cbhqp-1844679924@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

Looking for an intern assistant for a growing fashion jewelry company. I need a reliable person who is trustworthy and willing to work and learn. Please send me an email asap!

* Location: NY
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: no pay

PostingID: 1844679924

I hope they just forgot a slash in between those two words. Otherwise, this has crossed a new level of ridiculous. No one needs to "assist" an INTERN. If your intern needs an assistant, then the intern is a moron who should have been tossed out before that ever happened. Or that person is no longer an intern & needs to be called something else + paid a proper salary.

Damn link is gone but thank you to the other states! It's not just me. Keep your eyes peeled for the revolution since this just looks like another sign in that direction.

I agree with the people who said Mom needs a hobby. If I let my family pick a spouse for me, they'd probably have picked Psycho Boy. They'd have never met my husband & they still think I should be okay with the idea of seeing him attend my sister's wedding, where I am standing up for her as a Matron of Honor. They seem to think I should be okay with it even if I was there alone.

I think it's because the women in my immediate family never had exes; they married all the guys they dated. At least they like my husband & my in-laws like me; if either of them were still talking to our exes socially or bringing them to family events, I guarantee that we'd tell those family members it was disrespectful to our current person & we'd cut that family off in a flash. I feel that if you're going to marry someone, you need to not put them in uncomfortable situations or force them to hang around exes. The idea of it is downright offensive & distasteful to me.

Yes, I definitely speak as someone who doesn't believe there's such a thing as truly being "friends" with an ex as a general rule.

This guy is awesome. It would cause chaos but I still think espousing anti-establishment views is an awesome thing & support any political figure who has common sense + thinks outside the box regardless of what the press might say. Bravo!

And finally, this.

This is all b/c the media got involved. $1 million says that if the media hadn't intervened, this woman would still be tossed out on the street. I'm glad for her not letting bigots in government push her around; we know bigots are out there & with all the old rich white men in government, I'm not the least bit surprised.

Entertainment Internship Issue

Seems even Dear Prudence weighs in on an issue in being an entertainment intern. I saw this letter a while back:


Dear Prudence,
I landed a dream internship in the entertainment industry and on my first day on the job got to be part of a fabulous evening-long project that culminated in a victory party at a bar. Due to pressure from my supervisors, who were buying the drinks, and poor decision-making, I wound up too drunk to drive home. One of the bosses took me home with him, and when we got there he repeatedly tried to kiss me. This confused me, because I had been certain that he was gay. When I rejected him, saying, "I don't understand," he told me that he found me incredibly beautiful and sexy. Twenty minutes later, I was throwing up in his living room while he tried to play nurse and let me sleep it off on his couch. The next day he begged me not to quit, although he didn't apologize for putting the moves on me. I intend to stay at this internship, because it's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Do I write the incident off as a crazy, drunken night and nothing more, or confront him about it? Harassment on my first day, though committed under inebriation, is a pretty heavy issue to just sweep under the rug. What should I do?

—Harassed and Hungover

Dear Harassed,
Get the full DVD set of Entourage and discover that yours could be considered a tame first day on the job in the entertainment industry. Certainly your supervisors should never have encouraged an intern (or any employee) to get drunk. But if you are old enough to have an internship, you should be old enough to know your own limit. Now you do, so that was a valuable evening. There is no Most-Powerful-Man-in-the-World exemption for hitting on an intern (even if the intern flashes some thong); and there's no Hollywood one, either (especially if the intern is inebriated). Your boss gave you a revolting welcome to the industry, but at least he backed off and got all Florence Nightingale after you ralphed in his living room. Although I'd love to be there, as would any reality-show producer, when you clarify your surprise and horror at his unwanted advances by explaining, "I was certain you were gay, so I couldn't believe you were trying to kiss me!" there are some things that are best left unsaid. His begging you not to quit indicates that he knows he behaved terribly. Now that you've both showered, sobered up, and returned to your desks, you need to show your boss that you have the good judgment to forget about your unfortunate start, and instead spend the rest of the summer showing that you are great at your work.

—Prudie

So memo to me: make sure to recruit interns who know how to behave like grown ups. Make certain that the top brass also behaves like grown ups.

Take home message: if you can't hold your alcohol or not become a lecherous cretin/fight instigator/other undesirable behavior that will cost a company lots of $ in lawsuits, damages, harmed reputation, etc., then do not drink at business functions.

Anything where you're dealing with a boss is a business function; I don't care how cool the boss is or how much fun the event is. You will still be judged on how you act if anyone in authority over you is present.

It's a reason I'm in favor of professional distance & would never even hang out socially w/professors when I was a student in their classes. If you want to date your professors or your boss & they're cool with it, that's fine but if you don't, I think it's better not to put yourself in situations where someone could get the wrong idea.

Anyone running an office should take note of this. I sure have. I couldn't see something like this happening at any company I deal with & if I heard about it, you'd better believe I'd be keeping a careful eye on that intern. There are lots of people who think they can sleep their way up in this business & not face any consequences. Some even try to accuse others of sexual harassment if the higher up rejects him/her. I also wonder what sane supervisor would pressure an underling to drink, since you really can't assume all people are happy, fun drunks. My father, for instance, is what I call an asshole drunk.

Situations like this are exactly why you'd better have a well written, detailed sexual harassment policy as well as some forethought not to put alcohol in front of people who can't handle themselves properly when they drink. What if this intern had been a potential investor, director, producer or someone else who might get deeply offended if you try putting the moves on them? I'm probably the only non-drinking attorney in my profession so respect for others & behaving like a grown up when you drink is going to especially be something I'm concerned about.

Honestly, I think we should lower the drinking age since it could cause fewer problems w/too much drinking in America but that's another story.

Internships, Internships Everywhere

Now, I work in a business where people generally start out by having internships. Most of them are unpaid. Some people wail & moan about this in the entertainment business.

BUT....consider these facts:

1. TONS of people want to work in the entertainment field.
2. There aren't enough jobs for that kind of demand.
3. No entertainment internship I've ever known of required someone to work even 30 hours a week. Most have a 10 hour minimum.
4. All the entertainment internships I've known of had flexible hours + would adjust one's schedule around that person's paid employment.
5. Everyone I've ever worked with knew that paid work came first & respected it.
6. You can wear whatever you want w/in the basic bounds of taste & cleanliness. No business suits or business casual wear necessary.
7. Finally, everyone I've known who's had an internship in NYC in the past few years was treated w/respect.

Since the downturn of the economy, it seems EVERY SINGLE industry on the planet (at least the ones I'd see Craig's List ads for) is offering an internship. Law firms, legal recruiting offices. I just saw an ad today for an intern for a "wedding officiant."

Now, why does this bother me? Let's consider law firms hiring lawyers as "interns."

1. To become a lawyer, you have to spend a LOT (and I do mean a LOT) of money. It costs money to go to school, take bar review courses, take the bar exam, send in paperwork to the character & fitness committee, take mandatory CLE courses, pay dues & in some states, the "attorney occupation tax." In CT, this tax was recently raised from $450 a year to $565.
It doesn't matter if you don't have the money for this stuff or didn't make enough to pay for it. There's largely NO FINANCIAL AID in schools if you are poor so you either have to take out lots of $ in loans or become a drug dealer/stripper/hooker/illegal occupation of choice that pays a lot of $ in a short time. Six-figure debt is the norm.
And when/if you are admitted, you're paying a lot of $ JUST to stay admitted. Let's just say when it comes to dues or the attorney occupation tax, the states are the Mafia; to quote a line in Casino, it's "Fuck you, pay me!"
2. Business suits aren't cheap. Many of these law firms require their lawyers to wear them & even if they don't, suits are mandatory in court. This is at least $100 PER SUIT. If you're hard to fit, suits are even more expensive.
3. Part time hours for a law firm are FULL time hours for everyone else (40 hours a week).
4. Some lawyers DO have internships from law school & prior law firm work on their resumes. I did; in fact, I left a job in a law firm to attend law school.

So after you've gotten into six figure loan debt, you now have nothing but unpaid "internships" if you're just starting out?!?!?!??!?!?! If you fit #4, there's no reason you should be taking unpaid internships; it's a waste of time. Knowing the law firm culture, I don't see them accommodating to paid employment, having minimal hours or letting interns wear anything they want. In fact, I know of a story where some law firm partner got mad b/c one of the support staff was moonlighting as a waitress. Had that been me, my response would be "Give me a raise or keep your nose out of my private business."

Why, oh WHY, would any lawyer take an unpaid "internship?" What law firm is stupid enough to think a lawyer would do that? The one that really took the cake for me was one firm offering an unpaid internship for 3 MONTHS. Then, they offer the whopping salary of $25K a YEAR after that period of non-payment. Whoopee, I made that salary BEFORE going to law school; why would I give a damn about it at some private firm in Manhattan? This wasn't even a public interest job & it was in Manhattan. If you can afford office space in Manhattan, you can afford to pay a LAWYER, all right?

As for the wedding officiant intern, you DO know that any knucklehead can get licensed as one for far less than $100, right? You don't have to be a minister & you don't need special training.

Yep, I've told some of these people off & they deserved it. Quit w/the blatant cheapskate attitude & maybe you'd get some quality workers who LIKED working for you.