What the Holy Fuck?!?! Craig's List Ads, Part 1

I know I've been talking a lot about the recent Wall Street protests. Not because it's fashionable or vogue to do so. If you think I care about being trendy, you don't know me well. I'm a trendsetter, not a trend follower. People tend to follow MY lead on stuff like that & if I follow something, it's usually not popular enough to be a trend.

Since I don't want this blog to become an endless commentary on Occupy Wall Street, I'm going to lighten the mood a little bit. Mind you, I still consider it a deeply serious issue & think any lawyer who doesn't support the basic 1st Amendment right to peacefully protest without the police trying to intimidate you should be kicked out of the bar immediately since they're violating the basic principle of being an attorney in the first place.

I personally have not made an appearance at the protest despite the macing happening in an area I'm well acquainted with since I've been dealing with my own shit & have now caught my husband's cold (communal living: you've got to love it). Life still feels surreal since that whole private student loan situation but I'm moving onward with that smartphone thing since there's legitimate reasons for it, much as I hate spending all the $ on it.

Oh, and if you see my ass at that protest, I'll be in a business suit. Stick that in your crack pipe & smoke it, mainstream media bitches!

But, seriously. You have to see some of these Craig's List ads. Most of these are long gone but the fact that they were there in the first place still shock me. They warrant a "What the Holy Fuck?!?!" Here goes:

Action Movie Seeks Stunt People,Martial
Artists,Military,Hunters,Swat (Manhattan, New York)

Date: 2010-12-26, 11:02AM EST
Reply to: gigs-cawfg-2129585441@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]


NOT A PAID GIG.
There is no help for gas.
THIS IS A ZERO BUDGET FEATURE.
This is only for Copy & IMDB Credit.
This is a collaboration.


Action Movie seeks ACTION EXPERIENCED people only who have Improv Dialogue & Method Dialogue ablity.
.
To be shot in January.

Shoot based in N.Y. City, Manhattan.

Storyline: Assassin seeks revenge for the murder of his dad.

Purpose of Movie: Film Festivals.


Stunt choreography & stunt coordination collaborative.
Safety #1.
EACH PROVIDES OWN STUNT GEAR.

Shooting Style:
Director Johnnie To. 'Vengence'.
Any Donnie Yen movie.

Email:
pic of self
action experience
reel link
what your availablity is-weekdays,weekends,daytime,night time,specific days,etc.


Story goes from childhood to the characters in their 20s to the characters in their 30s.
So if you have a sibling or relative that looks like you to play your character when you are a child, that is a plus.
The child needs to be o.k. with doing action.

No set nationalities, races, etc.
Characters- wide array of action skills.


Stunt possiblities:
martial arts
mma
precision driving: vehicles, motorcycles
being: on fire, dragged, hit
high falls
weaponry
high work
stair falls
rappelling
zip line
free running
parkour
underwater
going through: fake walls or fake glass
wrestling
climbing
Location: Manhattan, New York
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Compensation: no pay

PostingID: 2129585441

Those in the stunt persons' unions: I hope you saw this ad & nailed this idiot. Can we say "unrealistic expectations?"

More sickening content:

MODEL

Date: 2010-12-26, 1:56PM EST
Reply to: gigs-rzh9r-2129795992@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]


Major Network TV Senior Casting Director, in charge of casting for new television shows, seeks attractive female actresses or models that are in search of starring or supporting roles upon the successful completion of a "casting couch" interview. You MUST CONFIRM your that you understand the meaning of the "casting couch" interviewing process with me (otherwise no reply). Please send a face and full body photo, and CONTACT PHONE NUMBER with your email marked "NBC TV." All appointments will be scheduled via telephone. I look forward to your submissions.


it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Compensation: $2000 to $5000 per episode

PostingID: 2129795992

I would hope no legitimate person at any television network, forget a mainstream network, would do this. Surely those people can find model types to sleep with them without having to go on Craig's List & post ads like this. Plus, if you run your TV network that way, I want zero to do with you since clearly you know nothing about talent unless it relates to porno.

Unless I've shot a porno film, I don't want you making decisions about my content, capice? You'd probably tell me to put tits into a courtroom scene if I had a dramatic, dark project (in comedy, asking for bare tits in a courtroom could be a legitimate request). Really, I hope most of those people are happily married or at least free from sordid influences: if they aren't, wouldn't most of the actors & actresses on TV be former hookers & porn stars?? I'm talking 90% vs. whatever number it might be now.

An ad reply I LOVE (the bold within was from the ad):

RE-Videographer -video editing - Reality Show Style (Downtown)

Date: 2011-08-15, 12:42PM EDT
Reply to: gigs-p24hr-2547924120@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]


This is the kind of language that get you flag.

off-Broadway musical gay comedy production needs someone to shoot and edit a 3-minute reality TV(do you have any idea how much work take to edit a 3 minute segment?) show style teaser. Shooting last week of August to second week of September, best case scenario two days only. One day for sure September 7, other days must be flexible.
Amateurs or students with past experience and sample work highly encouraged to apply. ( Fishing for people to work for free is not Ok. ) Applicants must have their own equipment. Small project fee depends on experience, range of $400 to $500, (if you have a small budget said that and ask what you can get for that. $500 only buy a freelance with or no equipment) plus 4 tickets to show (you can keep your tickets I am going to see your show many times while I edit this.)

Please e-mail resume preferably with clear photo (So you don't care about my work a longest I am pretty? professional work require professional payment if you require a resume ) and any related items such as links to credited past work or professional website.

Compensation: depends on experience, range of $400 to $500, plus 4 tickets to show

You tell 'em, sister (I don't foresee many men pointing out physical discrimination)! Anyone asking for pictures in my book as a condition to a job interview is saying just that. For the millionth time, we have the Village Voice, the Craig's List personals section & I imagine a trillion adult websites where we can find people willing to give us sexual favors.

This obviously doesn't apply to jobs where one's looks really do matter like casting for films or modeling work but it sure as heck applies to "internships" and "personal assistant" work. Do these people even consider what these ads tell us about their business & how legit they are? To me, it says "Discrimination lawsuit waiting to happen." & "They don't have legal counsel since no lawyer would let them post this."

If you think a company asking for pictures of job applicants for a non-looks based job isn't engaging in illegal discrimination, I've got a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you.

Now, let's talk about this deluded snowflake. Notice the ad's date:

$10,000 - Get My Ex to Date/Love Me Again (New York, NY)

Date: 2011-09-13, 9:51PM EDT
Reply to: gigs-w3xyp-2597529280@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]


The love of my life left me many years ago. We are still very close friends. I want him back. It must be done in secrecy and a binding legal contract will be signed. The details will follow. This will absolutely not be easy. It might be the most difficult job you ever have. If you do this, you will receive $500 per month for the 20 months to follow. I will be bound to that as well.

I will not lie about whether we get together. If you do this, we will go to dinner with you as a couple.

Are you up for this task? If so, please email me a VERY detailed description of yourself and the reason you feel you can make this happen.

NO LECTURES PLEASE!
Location: New York, NY
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Compensation: $10,000

PostingID: 2597529280

This one was so appalling, I had to respond to it. Here's what I wrote:

You can't write a "binding legal contract" on this. This is for personal services & furthermore, a judge would laugh at you if you dared to try suing on something like this.

And since you posted this in a public place (Craig's List), you can't tell people not to lecture you. You opened that Pandora's Box, honey so take the ribbing like a grown up.

Oh, where do we begin with this one?!?!? First off, how about just telling this lost love what's what? If this person says no, that's their problem. I pointed this out to a friend of mine worried about women not liking him. He's hardly a deadbeat or the sort of guy you wouldn't want around your children. If anything, I'd think most women would at least respect him for his ambition & trying to do good things vs. being a deadbeat with no job skills or even problems with drugs or alcohol.

Nobody's better than anyone else & the minute you start thinking your shit stinks less than someone else's is the minute you set yourself up for problems. In literature, we call that hubris. What happened to the folks who had hubris? Bad, tragic things. Want that to be you?

Second, I'm a strong believer in not going backwards. I don't even have friendships with my exes and I'm not sure I'd ever be in a place in life to do that with most of them. My husband feels the same way about his exes. I don't see anything good coming from that. I reconciled with an ex after my brother in law died but that's because he'd treated me with compassion the night I learned about & provided comfort. That was more an experience in closure than a new beginning since we were both moving away; it just showed that you can't go back to yesterday. He fell away before I left for law school & at least that's one ex I can leave alone.

The author of this ad sounds like (s)he only kept being friends with the person with the hope of getting back together. If it didn't happen already, that ship has sailed. Any psychologist would tell you that keeping someone in your life because you want more than they're willing to give is unhealthy. How many people think the author is a woman? I honestly do since it sounds like something the average woman would do.

Third, why the fuck would you degrade & demean yourself for someone who doesn't care? This reminds me way too much of my high school self, who was all too willing to let people shit on her in order to get their friendship, affection & approval. Learned later that kind of thing is for the birds.

That guy I had a massive crush on? Totally reminded me of that, though I wasn't friends with him just to get more. He did treat me as a human being at one time.

If I saw that guy today though, it would be to show him up & say "Boy, did you lose out! You're full of crap since a higher authority than you deems me pretty while you treated me like Dawn Wiener. You'll never be good enough to sit at my table so you can fuck off now." Maybe I'd make an assistant say that & instruct the person to look like (s)he is reading from a piece of paper. That should be even more insulting: someone's assistant telling you this & doing it with no feeling at all. Maybe even a Katy Perry style reaming for millions of fans, which you can read about here.

From life experience, it's not worth it. He should thank his lucky stars I don't have plans to blow his manhood away with a gun. Not every guy I knew can say that.

Finally, I know there are ugly people in the world but no one looks so bad that they have to demean themselves in that way. You could take that $10,000 & go work on yourself. Get a makeover, join a gym, take up a sport, move, go on vacation. Do SOMETHING! Anything has to be better than this plan.

$500 per month could get you some new clothes or membership into a decent gym. Heck, you could hire someone to be your wingman/wingwoman & find out that someone finds you desirable.

It's my fervent & sincere belief that no one should have to change their personality or who they are to find a romantic partner. Maybe some people should tone it down but I think it ultimately comes down to finding the right location, social group, whatever. "Location, location, location" as they say in business.

Changing locations helped me & despite all my protests that I'd never find a "one", I still did. The "one" is someone who accepts you for who you are, nothing more & nothing less. You don't have to change who you are for "the one." If you think you have to, guess what? That person isn't "the one."