I'm not entirely sure who reads my rant blog, though a few particular people have told me about reading it. Nonetheless, I stand by anything I have or will ever write in it. I also stand by my feelings and my views; I'm not some wimp who tries to backpedal on a viewpoint b/c it's "controversial" or not in line with the PC crowd's way of looking at the world.
That being said, I've decided I really don't care to enhance the causes or interests of those who don't support me. In particular, I think I'll be stepping back from a bar association committee considering what I consider a pretty public "fuck you" I recently got from one of its members. Just goes to show some groups are apparently too set in their ways to truly embrace anyone new or give them equal concern for their events. Other members' events were discussed but mine was conveniently ignored in a message sent to the entire mailing list. Gee, why not just say "No, I don't give a damn about your film company!! Go suck up to me and maybe then I'll care."
You have to understand, I take stuff like that very personally. If you really want to do something nice for me, you'll buy a copy of one of the film company's films or help us make a film happen. That will make me feel like you don't view me as some silly heart hobbyist who's just goofing off & should go "do something serious" like "work in a law firm."
At least some individuals in this committee aren't assholes & have acted like I counted. That's good. The group dynamic, however, is not one I'm good with at all. I've yet to find any group that I could get 100% behind and that didn't do something major to piss me off. Even staying in my sorority chapter became an endurance test later on. It was also a matter of turf since I'd been there first & felt I shouldn't allow myself to be driven out of the chapter I helped found.
Today, another realization struck. My look is just too darn unique to be taken seriously by anyone who does casting or modeling work. I went to one legit agency that seeks fit models & had my headshot handed back to me. I feel like Cher when she talks about how everyone who was considered "pretty" when she was growing up & getting into the business was a blond girl & she wasn't. You're not going to convince me I'm ugly since I get harassed way too much by guys, some of whom are even attractive.
I even had one gentleman try to pick me up on the subway a few weeks back. Look & learn, kids.
So after that & as I was trying to find the closest post office, a random guy compliments my hat. I happen to be a bit of a fashion plate & pride myself on coming up w/a great outfit you won't see 10 other people wearing. I'm also of the school that a designer label doesn't make you fashionable; it just means you're a tool who has money. This guy didn't creep me out (no gold teeth, looked around my age, no nasty sexual remarks or whistling) or attempt to harass me so I mentioned my film company + movies, handed out a business card & basically felt better after my experience w/that one place. My thought was you could find me easily enough online & I'm paranoid so there you go. I appreciate genuine kindness/compliments but getting wolf whistled or harassed by "Hey, Red!" really pisses me off.
First off, most of you aren't hot enough to get away w/that crap. I also never see anyone who looks like a movie star yelling & catcalling like that.
Second, it implies that you think I'm some underling or inferior to you & don't deserve basic human respect.
Any woman who responds to that stuff is an idiot & apparently should be working at the strip club since that's what you'll get there. Maybe it offends me so much b/c I consider a public display like that tantamount to calling me a whore. Most of the men I've gotten this from weren't even construction workers. Food for thought, huh?
Then the day went a little better. I still think it will be a crap shot but figured that my headshots aren't helping me much sitting at my house. I'll remember rejection & throw it in someone's face later.
When I finished that conversation & found the post office, it was right near the bank I'd been at. It also occurred to me I'd have never met this person if I'd not been walking where I was so who knows? Maybe it was the universe at work, telling me not to let that rejection define me. Okay, more accurately I was told "try us in 6 months." 6 months from now, I'm most likely to be doing other things & too busy.
Now, I have to post another entry today since the lawsuit I was waiting on is apparently going to happen.