Sunday, October 31, 2010

The Halloween Rant

Okay, as we know today is Halloween. Formerly the scariest day of the year, or maybe that's simply regional.

For you see, in the South we wouldn't dream of trick or treating in the afternoon. We wouldn't dream of not going door to door and having a parent check candy before we ate it. In fact, my mother's a total kid at heart & I figure she'll be out in costume + taking kids trick or treating when she's old enough to need a walker. She still goes with her grand kids as well as my sister and her fiance. To my knowledge, parents in my hometown are still doing that. Bravo to them!!!

But it seems in the NYC area, trick or treating in the afternoon is a norm as well as not going to people's houses or doing anything "scary." This is not really a rant about the pussificiation of youth due to making Halloween "safe"; I agree with it but that rant is best left to the creator of Foamy the Squirrel.

Go here & see at least this video for more information.

This may not be the one expressing that argument but if you look under "Halloween," you'll be all set.

And sorry but going to church or the mall to get candy IS NOT trick or treating or in any way near that, all right? If you want to tell your kids they're going to a party, do that but don't lie to them about what trick or treating is and don't be a freaking wimp! Go with them like my mother did w/us. If you won't get off your overindulgent butts to do that, you are deadbeats & probably do far more bad things to your kids to crush their spirits and make them into permanent adolescents. You are also a member of the Old Crone club & shouldn't be proud of that around me.

Now my mom isn't interested in animal sacrifices & celebrating Satan but the getting candy part & dressing up? Hell freaking yeah!!! You also can't use religion to denounce Halloween and then give out candy at your church or not complain if your church does that; then you're just a hypocrite.

Ah, but the ultimate rant: costumes!!! A few things to know about my history w/the Halloween costume.

Already know I grew up poor, right? Well that includes not having the money to buy full store bought costumes. So my mother, a creative Halloween loving parent, would get make up and costume pieces. We'd just use costume pieces along w/things we already owned to create costumes. One year, my mom made me a tail so I could be a cat. All we had to get were cat ears. I had a black shirt, black pants & the tail from home. We also had a way of getting random cool things. Like my father got this white hardhat & a Viking helmet one day. I think they were used as costume pieces later. I also had a Nosey Bear, one of those stuffed bears w/a scene and stars in its nose. When you squeezed it in the stomach, the stars moved. One year, my mom dressed as a little girl & took a pajama gown, slippers + the bear.

In fact, my nephew won a costume contest a few years back b/c my mom & sister dressed him up as a UPS man! My mom works at UPS so if you meet her, you'll hear some UPS jokes & comments. She even calls it "Satan's Beehive!"

So considering I grew up w/a parent who encouraged us to use our imaginations and let us come up with original costumes, I decided to continue that for myself as an adult. Like many people, I wait for the sales and get costumes, pieces, etc. that might form some truly innovative & creative costumes. That's how I've gotten an angel's halo, gold teeth, a ton of make-up, wigs, etc.

It irritates me that everything for women seems to be a whore-fest. You can not find a costume that isn't "sexy" this and "sexy" that. I'm not even speaking of things that are supposed to be sexy. A Jessica Rabbit costume should be sexy since that's what the character is. But Sexy Robin? Sexy Sailor? That's just taking your bedroom fantasies out for the public to see.

While I see nothing wrong with dressing sexy, it's just not an appeal to me on Halloween unless the costume I select fits that. Here's why:

1. It's unoriginal: How cool are you if you're wearing the same sexy outfit as everyone else? It's dull and boring. Just proves you had $50 to dress like a hooker just like everyone else. Bor-inggggg!

2. It's impractical: Now, usually it's cold on Halloween night. I was dressed as the cheerleader of death last night & my costume consisted of a black one piece swimsuit, pantyhose, sneakers w/socks and a black pleated skirt. I also had on a cloak + face makeup. I was FREEZING & wasn't dressed like a whore. My skirt went just a bit above my knee, much like you'd have seen on my religious private school's cheerleading squad. If you don't believe me, I've got the yearbook pics to prove it.

How the hell do these people do it? I saw more scantily clad women who looked content as could be on the cold, windy NYC streets.

3. I'm already sexy. I can dress that way anytime I want. I don't have restrictions on my abilities to do that if I so choose. Sexy wear is for clubs; doing it on Halloween is a cop out since you could do that in a club anytime. See #1.

4. On many women, it's trashy: There's sexy and then there's trashy. I know how to carry myself in the former. I don't think I could look trashy in most things since class seems to exude off me. Lots of people have actually described me as "classy"; plus I think on me, I'm playing a role or being artistic. I have my creative limits & would never leave my home in something that made me feel uncomfortable. You'd never see me with nipples popping out or not wearing underwear underneath an outfit.

I also worked in the lingerie section at JcPenney in high school so I know what type of underwear to get to avoid pantylines & about the proper strapless or backless bra. I wear strapless bras with tank tops; none of that bra strap showing shit. In other words, there's no excuse for that crap or to ask me to compromise my personal comfort if I'm going to wear something revealing.

5. People who can't pull it off think they should show the world their physical flaws. As hubby said to me many times, spandex is a privilege NOT a right. You aren't Divine or an extra in a John Waters film so either go on & do those outfits right or stop w/the half-assed effort. I sure don't want to see your private parts, either. Save that for a porn film.

6. Irritating the prostitutes: I'm sure it must make it harder for them to find customers on Halloween when all the women are dressed like whores. What if some prostitute wanted to wear a costume? Then you're just stealing her style, you ass! I wonder when one of these women is going to get beaten up by a prostitute who's just trying to get customers on Halloween.

So my stance on sexy costumes are do it if it fits the character & you're comfortable with it. But...have some personal pride & costume designers, stop making ALL women's costumes into whore wear. I saw some of them at lingerie stores & porn shops.

I can't wait until I have the money & occasion to do my dream costumes that fit my hair. They require real thought, are obscure & you'd have to be smart to figure them out on first glance. People had a time figuring out my costume this year, which I love. Keep folks guessing; do different things. Have a fucking imagination!!

So to sum up, have a happy Halloween. Go trick or treat OUTSIDE, if you're going to do a sexy costume make sure it fits your character & don't be a lazy, uncreative prick. Or at least watch the baseball game, which should have been rescheduled & if I owned one of these teams, I'd have demanded it. Cheers!!!

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