Who's the Bully Here and Other Life Stuff

First off, check out this Change.org petition & go sign it (especially if you really hate the MPAA). Those who've read this blog know that I don't take kindly to bullying. I was once bullied myself. Lucky for the perpetrators, they didn't make physical contact with me or cause me these kinds of injuries since I'd have snapped & killed them. If I didn't have a vision of a future away from my hometown and the little shits who lived in it, I'd have been a one woman killing machine long before Columbine ever happened.

I truly think the MPAA did this because the ones who voted against it are bullies themselves. How many filmmakers have they pissed off with their arbitrary ratings process, their secrecy & rules against using their prior decisions to argue for why THIS film in front of them should get a particular rating? It pisses me off as a lawyer who saw "This Film is Not Yet Rated" as well as a person working in the entertainment industry. This doesn't even match with the MPAA's objective of protecting the little children from harm. Morons. Kids aren't little angels! They use profanity. They watch online porn, they do drugs, they have sex.

This sounds like a film teens should be seeing & one that should be mandatory viewing for middle school kids among others. If you disagree, you need to join us in 2012 since the world's changed since your 1950's utopia & by the way, I'd bet a million dollars that these same people are encouraging their kids to bully others or being ineffectual teachers and administrators. I've got no sympathy for these do nothing saps if they're sitting around doing zip about bullies and end up being taken out by some bullied kid's weapon. That's called karma & getting what you deserve. Now, note that I'm speaking of teachers & administrators who have been told about bullying situations and do NOTHING to help the bullied kid (not even separating the problem kid & gang from the bullied). Actual notice vs. suspicion.

Maybe we should stick them with bullies & see how THEY like it. I'm sure these are the same people who think kids who defend themselves should be punished for hitting back instead of being a chump and letting some asshole injure them so badly they need a trip to the hospital. I tell you, if anyone had struck me we'd have been going for death. I was never the sort to screw around; I'd do much worse than simply pull your hair. I'd want to rip your beating heart out of your chest & lift it up for the world to see as an example of why you'd better not fuck with me unless you have a death wish.

I was watching an episode of "Dateline" where they had these hidden cameras & set up bullying situations to see what the kids involved in the program would do (their parents were watching this scene as it unfolded). There was one scenario where these girls were having to pick out clothes & making fun of one girl. Eviscerating is probably the right word for it.

This one girl gets right in the Queen Bee's face, calls her out & basically goes all Terminator on her. My husband was like "That's YOU!" This girl goes so far as to say "So we should all bow down to you?!" then gets on her knees & does this exaggerated bow yelling about her greatness in this sarcastic way. I'd have been proud to be related to her since it seems like something I'd do if you made me mad enough. When they talked to her, she said she herself had been bullied & later learned to stand up for herself, that she was worth something, etc. And she wasn't even a redhead.

I also made it a point to tell my filmmaker contacts about this since if they're censoring the Weinstein Company today, the MPAA could be censoring you or me tomorrow. I'd like to see the MPAA dismantled since I think it's outdated in the age of You Tube, online porn & smartphones for kids.

Parents need to act like parents instead of friends (and you wonder why I think the recent attacks on women's rights are made by chauvinistic men who are asking to be raped by big, angry convicts). That would solve so many problems & we'd see less bullying if kids got the message at home that it's not cool or acceptable. I'd kick my underage relatives' butts myself if they were bullying anyone.

Another lesson about bullied people: they develop a lot of rage. Some people turn it inward while others turn it outward. Bad home lives & personal circumstances don't help matters either. You never know which one you're going to be dealing with.

Generally, things have been better for me. I just finished that improv class & signed up for the 102 level. I'm also starting a full time freelance temp job soon (lasting a few months). Same thing I was doing last year for a few months: I guess they liked my work. It's that perfect job that doesn't require me to take it home or break out in cold sweats at night over it. Those jobs aren't easy to come by if you're a lawyer; most people think you want those high stress situations but with me knowing what I want to do already, that sort of job is the last thing I want.

I also decided to sign up for an acting class I saw advertised through one of those deal websites after talking to someone at the school & getting my questions answered (for one thing, I was told I didn't have to want to be a full time actor & give up everything else I do to be there). When you're nice to me, answer my questions & understand my concerns, that's good business. Oh, and it seems I'm at the intermediate level & not a beginner b/c I have actually done stuff. Nor do I have to worry about anyone trying to teach the business side of acting, which I already know about thank you very much. Another school apparently does this & I was like "Uh, I'm a lawyer & have my own film company. Plus, I interned with an agent. I have a pretty good idea of that stuff." Only idiots cross lawyers, no matter what they look like or their years of experience. This acting class was also something else I wanted to do: a general class where I could sort of get a refresher, some refining & technically have real training outside of my high school drama class or actual participation in shows.

My improv classmates were also cool & I'd like to get some of their resumes for our files since I saw some talent + range. It was also a great atmosphere & I even heard one person comment on how the atmosphere was so much better than it was at one place where she was taking a class. The question, though is professionalism. I don't recommend people unless I know they can be professional & not cause problems.

I have to say I've definitely been happier with this new "don't stress over stuff" outlook on life. I even had to deal with what I've since nicknamed "the case that wouldn't die." Just so you know, if you get pissed at your former attorney you can't get your friend to call the person up & demand documents from your case. We can only give that stuff to the court, your attorney or you. Not my problem if you lost my termination letter. If you don't have your attorney or the judge contact me directly & I can't get anyone after I've told the court I'm not involved, that's it. I've done my part. If we can't even deal with people's parents or spouses, we certainly can't deal with friends (especially when they don't even have a writing from the client saying it's okay for the former lawyer to deal with that person). Attorney-client privilege, for God's sake!

That whole experience helped lessened my tolerance for BS & drained my altruism.

In other news, my husband saw an ad for his dream job. It's at an employer that he already spends a significant amount of money on in terms of their main product (and it's in my general industry). He's got over twice the minimum years of experience they asked for & all the stuff they asked about, including a downright scary encyclopedic knowledge of their industry. He prefers this particular large company for his product to the other big name company for it, which is apparently a plus since many people prefer the other big company. Networking by me helped us clear one hurdle: the name & contact info of the HR person collecting this stuff. I'm giving them 2 weeks; if we hear nothing, I will be following up (though it will be my first day of working, you bet I'll be doing this).

As the unofficial HR head myself & having sorted out intern applications, being an owner in an entertainment company & knowing that any moron could see that my husband should be working at this job if they talked to him for about 10 minutes (probably less), I will have to call the person a moron if they don't even offer him an interview (not just as a wife but as a business owner). I'll also be publicly shaming the place & holding a very long, prolific grudge against them if he's not at least interviewed (if not hired). They certainly won't be getting favors from me or my company & though my husband won't be boycotting them, I certainly will.

Trust me, if you knew all the details, knew my husband's background & what he's been doing in his free time for NO money for the benefit of that industry & helping further it, you'd feel the same way. You'd want to see that place suffer as well & would do you best not to help it if they were doing something to mess up your home life.

For those of you not in relationships with someone you care about & live with, their happiness is your happiness. Their joy is your joy & their tragedy is your tragedy. You have to live with that person; I don't want to live with a husband who's become a shattered, broken person because some asshole refused to give him the chance he deserved. And yes, that person/entity/group would be an asshole considering my networking contacts who helped us clear that hurdle clearly believe in my husband as well based on the facts given.

Now my husband isn't super happy at his current job but does have some prospects he didn't have at his old location. However, "dream job" does trump anything else in writing a letter. I probably got into this business because even a total idiot could see that I had a passion for it & should get a chance. I tried to make sure my husband's cover letter for this was that crystal clear in terms of highlighting passion, interest, experience & just the fact that this would actually be his dream job vs. some platitude he was making to someone. You can't call everything you apply for a "dream job" & the standards for them are different for everyone.

I have an intuitive sense that the HR people there do have some brain cells that work & will love his resume but I've had life let me down (as has he). This means I'm keeping my cynical shell up & am prepared to fight as hard as I need to to make sure my husband gets that fair shake. Otherwise, he may not have a wife to talk about that product with anymore since I'll just be angry over the whole thing & bring it up all the time. I don't support people who ruin my flow or interfere with my opportunities (messing with my husband is messing with me since you're affecting MY life & the entire fabric of my household in multiple ways). Remember, I chewed out that hiring person at the law firm in New Haven who didn't bother telling me anything & who I had to call to learn that they hired someone else with no word to anyone who'd gotten interviewed.

I suppose it creates a cycle. Life does something to disappoint me or let me down & I come out fighting. Some people get super taken aback by my initial reaction, which then means I explain my case & usually things work out. I've just seen & heard about some harsh BS in the workplace, especially in major companies. If they did fulfill my dumbass theory (essentially, it says that employers don't want to hire anyone competent or intelligent & just want to hire the dumbasses since they won't challenge anything, will happily eat all the shit you feed them & lie prostrate before you if you ask them to; this is my theory as to why I never got considered for jobs I was very qualified for & was devised long before I ever worked at the Atlanta law firm), I wouldn't be shocked. I vowed years ago that if I ever had a business, I'd never run it that way. I also think the dumbass theory makes no sense but it does apparently exist under a different name & is in fact a real thing.

The name of this company will only be revealed if they cross us or bother to recognize actual talent when it's staring them right in the face. Being a moron also doesn't encourage or inspire me to do you any favors.

Posting a Pic Publicly ISN'T an Open Invitation to "Holla" at Me, Asshole!

So, I'm involved in a social networking/review site where you have to post your real pic publicly to be involved in a special status there. I won't tell you the name of it for the sake of my own privacy but it's a special status that earns a bit of bragging rights in some circles.

Normally, I'm not harassed by people on the site though some apparently have met romantic prospects there. Before today, I'd never personally been harassed for that & certainly never at any in-person event as part of this special status.

That changed when this asshole whose user name was his telephone number decides to go comment on my picture then send me a message not based in proper grammar & in all caps. It wasn't something explicit like "I want to fuck you" but I was nonetheless offended.

What's wrong with this, you may ask?

A) I'm happily married & in NO WAY AT ALL fishing for men. I even have a back-up guy, for God's sake. If there's anyone who does not need a man propositioning her, it's me. For those women who might think this opens the door for them to proposition me, I'll wonder if my husband put you up to it since my straightness is pretty obvious.

B) My husband's not exactly kind towards men making compliments to me. He doesn't even like guys to check me out in public. He'd likely kill you or make you wish you were dead. If you managed to win? Then, we get to C.

C) I'LL fucking murder you if you even think of harming my spouse. You'll really find me sexy when I've cut off a testicle or your dick, won't you?

D) Generally speaking, I don't do orders from others & remember that saying about redheads being crazy & having tempers? There's some truth to it. I'm the type who'd poison you, murder you in your sleep & generally make your life Hell if you mess with me. Am I slightly sociopathic? Perhaps. I don't know. I do care more about animals than most people.

To sum up: it's in your best interest not to end up on the wrong side of a natural redhead. Bad things will happen & you will regret it.

You can pay a sincere compliment in the air of niceness & not trying to get in our private parts. We women like that sort of thing.

What we don't like is sloppily composed messages by men who have social media profiles that announce "I'm a horndog. Fuck me, baby!" If you're not a legit user someplace & your user name is your telephone number, you've given me that message.

The grammar thing is also a pet peeve of mine. Illiteracy isn't going to impress a lawyer, thanks.

To me, it's the same as getting whistled at or catcalled in real life. You're the type of guy I want to see get a horrific STD that will make his dick fall off or end up with some creepy chick who gives him what he deserves, which would be some permanent alterations.

This isn't even the first time I've gotten harassed because of my picture being available publicly. I once had a user on the online site where I met my husband proposition me. This guy was old enough to be my father & an attorney in Massachusetts. I pointed out that A) I was not available & said so in my profile, B) he was old enough to be my father, C) my father would kill him & D) I wasn't going to sleep with someone to get a career since I can get one on my own.

Yeah, you're not going to do anything different or interesting in approaching me in such a fashion since I've seen it before. All you will succeed at is pissing me off & making yourself a target for wrath. Do you really want to do that to yourself? I don't take kindly to it as a "joke" either; you'd certainly better not have entertainment aspirations if you do it.

Classy women aren't impressed with catcalls or the online equivalent. Save that for hookers & women with low self-esteem! Hookers are only in it for the money & women with low self-esteem will be more interested than those of us who are still getting competing offers even when we don't want them.

This should be yet another illustration of why I don't post my pics publicly when I can avoid it. I'm sure if I did it on LinkedIn I'd STILL have some cretin bothering me or telling me he masturbated to my pic or something.

Conspiracies to Deny Effective Participation & The Problem With Unions

When I get cards in the mail about my husband's latest union meeting & knowing where our community board meetings are held, I do ask myself that question.

First off, some facts about where I live in NYC. Queens, to be precise. There are parts of Queens that should just be annexed to the suburbs since as far as I'm concerned, you're in Nassau County if you live outside the MTA subway line. You may as well be Staten Island & everyone knows how NYC residents feel about Staten Island (most of us would like them to become their own little community already).

Some of these transit nightmare parts also exist in neighborhoods where the MTA subway line runs. A portion of these are in my local community & henceforth, I don't feel great loyalty there. Why would anyone want to be someplace where you get all the disadvantages of both the city and the suburbs? Plus, if I can get to a restaurant in Manhattan more easily, why would I get on a bus that only runs every 30 minutes or so to get to a restaurant in Queens (assuming everything with the restaurants is equal)?

I already have a number of reasons I prefer going to and dealing with things in Manhattan over Queens. I'm apparently not the only person noticing better sanitation grades in parts of Manhattan I can get to, better service on the whole in Manhattan or more convenience.

Our community board meetings & my husband's union meetings are both held in transit dead zones or places where transit is a total joke.

I can't help but wonder if the location of these meetings is deliberate so people won't attend & won't participate. Would YOU participate in a meeting you can't attend virtually & would have to drive to when you don't have a car or would have to leave your alternate side street parking spot to get there?!?!?!

Is this the case in other communities? I do feel like it's totally the case in mine. Do organizers in government, unions & elsewhere deliberately set up meetings in out of the way or inconvenient spots so the average person won't participate & therefore, little Hitlers can reign?

My husband's union reps should be glad I'm not part of it because I'd be in their faces all the time & demanding accountability. I hear about so much appalling behavior going on in my husband's workplace that would turn anyone against unions.

Are you curious? I'll give you some basic examples of problems I'm aware of. First off, the no-strike clause. The very first thing anyone associates with a union is the ability to strike!!! Being a union whose workers can't strike? If it were a person, it would be a man with no testicles (literally or figuratively).

Second, a number of his co-workers who have never had to worry about being laid off in the past few layoff rounds are STILL working there after being called for discipline multiple times, being kicked out of multiple branches after being bigoted to colleagues & members of the public (one person who was offended was a city council member).

Meanwhile, a number of people there (including my spouse) work their butts off, have gotten great reviews from co-workers & management but continue to get denied for promotions AND are put on the layoff list. Do you see anything wrong with this picture? One of these people was in fact laid off while all these deadweight scumbags got to keep their jobs.

I think the city needs a citizens' accountability group for taxpayers to reel in these wastes of public money by public officials & institutions. I haven't found a local one to exist; if it does, it's surely too wussy and passive to really do what I think a good group should be doing. We'd be front & center, bringing in the media & causing a huge ruckus if I was leading it.

Furthermore, if you want to encourage citizens to participate in unions or local government maybe you should have meeting locations that are accessible to everyone, not just your golden children.

Who wouldn't suspect something shady with putting your meetings in locations no one can get to easily?

Unions in particular ought to be shaping up as well if they want public support. Stop encouraging loafing & laziness in your ranks. Get rid of the dead weight, the people who don't want to be there and the utter assholes! Jobs aren't a fucking right or an entitlement, damn it! You EARN them!!! Maybe instead of covering up for these types, they should be gone so competent people who actually do their jobs well could get promotions instead of layoffs favoring the lazy assholes.

Do I sound bitter? Maybe, but consider how you'd feel if it were your loved one losing all passion for his/her job due to this kind of bullshit. When the only way you can move upward is by sucking the right dick & you have to commit a felony before you can be fired from a job you're stinking at, you might feel better about some private businesses.

This is not to say there's no BS in private business but it seems like they have more incentives to get rid of under-performing or abusive assholes. Racists managers are a PR nightmare in a for profit company; so are sexual predators, thieves & lazy jerks. A poorly run private company will eventually go out of business. I as a consumer will certainly not support one if I hear or see that they're harboring incompetents. I would certainly get rid of incompetents in my own company in a second & I know my partners would never expect any one of us to suffer abuse, laziness or actions that would ruin our business reputation if made known to the general public. Being my friend or relative means nothing. If you aren't hacking it, you're gone.

My personal solution is somehow creating a union that considers + rewards/punishes actual work performance instead of just seniority. Even a system to clear out the dead weight quickly so those people sitting at home unemployed who'd do twice the work for half the pay could get a shot to succeed instead of some entitled, bloated lump. Yeah, I'm not a fan of tenure or teacher's unions either.

Final thought: not everyone can be the boss. If you can't be impartial, deliver the facts in a concise way & treat people with respect, then you've got no business managing anyone. I say this having fired & interviewed people. Wusses need not bother working in management.

There's a lot more to it & certainly to business ownership but I view the presence of incompetents as a malignant tumor to a business. They should be doing something they want to do & given real training for it but if after all that, they're still screwing up the answer isn't to let them get disciplinary records longer than the entire city subway line while continuing to pay them a salary & laying off competent workers with "less seniority."

Some Self-Promotion..Rants Coming Soon

One of my posts is now on The Girl's Guide to Law School blog. Go check it out here.

And I will definitely have some video rants to do...for one thing, I can't stand the sheer number of people lately who seem to be okay with getting all up in a woman's private business when it comes to reproductive matters.

If you don't like abortion, then don't get one.

But don't tell me what to do about my own household. Don't tell me to die if I get pregnant (as I've had a tubal it would be a tubal pregnancy, meaning zero chance of survival for mother or fetus) because of YOUR religion's tenants. Guess what? Not everyone practices YOUR faith or cares about YOUR interpretation of YOUR God's will.

The arrogance I've seen lately makes me just want to murder some folk. I also wonder what they'd say if it was THEIR mother, sister, child, or other female friend or loved one who was the victim of a rape or incest. What if that female person was in no condition to care for a child? Is it more humane for that child to be born into a drug den or to live with an alcoholic? Should that child be thought of as a mistake & raised by some jerk who will eventually let it slip that they weren't wanted?

Now to do some more boring stuff, though at least I have things to occupy my time.

The Whole Cooking vs. Eating Out Debate

I'm not sure this is a topic I've really discussed here. You might think "She lives in NYC & works in entertainment. Surely she's eating out ALL THE TIME." I mean, look at Sex & the City where Carrie even talks about how she can't cook in one episode. I've not seen it in ages & in no way do I have an encyclopedic knowledge of that show but I do own all the seasons on DVD & saw both of the movies with that former friend who tried ruining my sister's wedding.

Perhaps that's a reason I've not seen it recently: it's tainted for me b/c of that former friend. Another good reason is if I'm writing something with even remote similarity to something I've seen, I don't want to be unduly influenced by it while in the writing process. There's inspiration & then there's copying; I want to avoid copying.

Anyway, one important Southern stereotype that actually isn't inaccurate when you're talking about me is that I can cook. I may not be a master chef but it's sort of a cultural expectation where I grew up that if you're female you learn some cooking skills since eventually, you're going to have a husband and kids to take care of & it's irresponsible to have them live off fast food. One of those "making you more marketable as a wife" deals.

Cooking in many circles of women is like sports for men. There's different cuisines, different interests & styles but it's something many of us can actually talk about & make attempts at. Plenty of women would look down on a woman who couldn't even boil water or thinks TV dinners are good for you 7 days a week.

I actually didn't get to do full cooking until I went to law school. I do much more of it now since I'm married, have more income to buy things, a kitchen with an oven, stove, appliances, etc. & just can't eat certain things anymore because they mess up my stomach. I also like knowing what's in my food & if I cook it, I'll know.

Part of my interest in cooking came from eating something at a restaurant & feeling I could make it better (usually less greasy but also less fatty or without something the restaurant had in it that I hated). My mom also did more cooking when we were younger & we helped out on that. I even took Home Ec in middle school & tried taking this Foods & Nutrition class in high school.

However, the high school class was taught by this mega-bitch who demanded you to eat whatever was prepared even if you: had an allergy, didn't like it, had a small stomach (you didn't get to pick your portion size) or was nervous about someone's sanitation practices. This woman even checked the garbage so if you didn't want something & wanted to leave, you had to sneak the food out & throw it away elsewhere (far more than the simple taste). I ended up doing that once when we had this absolutely disgusting dessert in the class. I transferred out b/c of it though I had some entertaining classmates & got to sit with a table of older kids (including a guy who was our class clown/troublemaker).

I found out later she had cancer but I didn't (and still don't) think that made her behavior okay.

Another great thing about cooking for yourself? You never have to deal with the BS of restaurant wait times. I have to agree with this woman's sentiments. I don't consider myself to have some weird food tasting issue (I'm not a non-taster); I just don't have that kind of time in my life & lack patience for long lines.

This is not just a trendy restaurant issue; The Cheesecake Factory & other chain restaurants suffer from this as well on Saturday & Friday evenings.

Plus, my food will probably come out better anyway & be the way I want it, not how YOU want to serve it to me. I absolutely, without a doubt, despise any restaurant that dictates to me how my food is going to be. If I ask for "no onions" on my food, I expect to get it.

Don't get me wrong: I'm not some high maintenance bitch but at the same time, if I'm paying for it I'll have it my way or you can shove it up your butt. You want to serve it to me YOUR way??? Don't charge me for it! Better yet, why not pay me to be your food taster? Otherwise, don't expect me to spend money for gunk I won't eat & don't expect to have that many paying customers.

Luckily, my husband is also picky & loves my cooking so he'll generally opt for that over any restaurant's food.

Yet another reason home cooking is better? It's much cheaper. This article is a bunch of crap for many reasons:

1. Any smart person knows you shop for sales or find the best deal on something based on a quality/price calculation. Buying from the NYC Fresh Express isn't going to cut it. Try a grocery store with lots of sales & quality goods or even the farmer's market.

2. The serving sizes here are inaccurate as commenters to the story pointed out.

3. They left out the tax & tip. Are they trying to tell people to stiff servers? I'm sure that's going to go over well.

4. Let's also consider the future medical costs when you get a heart attack, diabetes or whatever bad health condition that arises from excess grease, fat, etc. Using a copycat recipe & making it at home is a lot better. Plus, you'll likely eat less at home.

5. Finally, there's those darn restaurant wait times. Some are so long that by the time you've gotten your food, you could have made it yourself & already eaten it ages ago.

At the end of the day, my food doesn't make anyone sick so we'll stick with it. I think eating out should be done in moderation like for special occasions. I couldn't handle eating restaurant food everyday & would not want to. You shouldn't want to either, unless maybe no one in your family can cook. Then I just pity you.

Or, you could go to a restaurant that offers a theme like Hooters or even this one in South Korea.

Now, why has this kind of restaurant not opened nationwide in America? Don't we believe in equal opportunity for exploitation? Shouldn't men have the right to use their looks for the service industry just as women have? Wouldn't gay men & straight women really like this concept? I've been saying for years this sort of thing should be more equal opportunity.

Oh, and I should point out that I'm not one of those women who'd freak out if my significant other went to Hooters or who'd get jealous of a Hooters girl. After all, most people would think I'm pretty enough to work there & I know my husband's only got eyes for me. Years ago, I applied for a job at one in my hometown when I was trying to find a job after college (ideally, it was going to supplement this job I applied for & allow me to earn money to move to NYC even quicker); I think I must have failed the intelligence & pushover requirements to work there because I spoke to the manager and I think he was irked about me using it for this supplemental purpose.

I heard later on about Hooters workers who were quite unhappy with extra hours & general management nastiness (I don't remember anything about that location but I heard about it as a general corporate practice).

Vampire Boy even went to Hooters once with friends (I wasn't there) & I'm still somewhat amused by that considering he WAS Vampire Boy (no sparkles or movie star looks, though) + conventionally pretty women did nothing for him. It would be like the biggest redneck you know going to a wine tasting.

The most significant thing he came away with? He thought the food was horrible. Since then, I've heard more people say this about the food.

My husband also isn't the Hooters type & would get pissed if you didn't have good food or were rude to me or him. Flirting in my presence would probably make me amused at best since I know that chick would have no chance in any lifetime. I'd probably also tell her she could do better; my husband's certainly had enough people shocked at my looks & the fact that I'M married to him so it would probably be true.

Anyhow, you're better off learning to cook & eating at home where it's more comfy, you don't have to deal with screaming children (unless they're yours) or lazy parents & can have it YOUR way.

Self-Segregation & Why It's a Bad Thing

I recently got some paperwork requesting me to join a women's bar association. Putting aside my general feelings about bar associations, I considered this and then as I was cleaning things out yesterday decided to pass.

To get an idea of my general views on such efforts, read this earlier post on "diversity" efforts in law firms.

I'm not a big fan of doing such professional groups. Being in a sorority or some social group for childfree people is one thing: sororities don't make it a practice to tell members to never talk to men or exclude them from their lives. Mine has never said "You can't have a male mentor!" or "You can't get any useful advice from men." The type of social group for childfree people that I would associate with would never say "All parents are bad!" or "Hate your child relatives." Sororities do plan events with fraternities & some are little sisters in frats (I wasn't). My point is a proper sorority is supposed to bolster the women involved and help them socialize with men.

These groups don't operate under the idea of self-segregation. They aren't telling you to shun anyone who doesn't fit their category. If they are, I leave.

I've read tons of stories recently on how there are few women filmmakers, executives, and how women don't get advancement as attorneys. However, I don't run around with a mindset of "I'm different" and I think it's a terrible idea to do that.

Saying "I'm different" tends to lead to thinking you're inferior or second class compared to men. If you want to be a woman who succeeds, you can't be thinking that way.

This is my first major problem with self-segregating professional groups. I have never viewed myself as "different" or less entitled to things than someone else. I don't really notice being a woman doing what I'm doing or being a redhead or even being attractive or younger than many people. I just see it as me, the person who doesn't take shit & is happy to piss off whiny idiots doing what I want to do. I've also found quite a few men who forge ahead & don't put themselves into special categories. I don't go out & ask for respect; I simply command it. I'm not called "the enforcer" for being a little wimp, you know?

My second problem is the idea that ONLY people just like me can give me career advice or mentor me. That's total crap. For one thing, if I just look for the natural redheads then the women doing stuff I probably wouldn't have any mentors. Plus, how do you know that older women are even going to help or support you? Some women are very catty & behave like they never left 7th grade. I'm not of them but I've encountered women ahead of me in the game who said they had no mentors & had to deal with catty bitch types who felt that young women should have to suck it up just like they did. I don't know this for sure but it seems men are less prone to this kind of behavior when it comes to professional women. If it's between a woman or a man for a mentor, I'd like to see what each person's career path is, their mindsets, backgrounds, etc. I'd rather pick the person who gets it & understands what I'm seeking over someone inflicting their own agenda on me or who hasn't a clue what I'm doing or what it's like to be in my shoes. Someone who will be supportive vs. a catty bitchy jerk. I can find cattiness easily enough; I'm not going to roll out a red carpet for it.

Third, having a separate, segregated group is like saying "I'm inferior so I need help to get ahead. I can't do it alone." I don't feel that way about myself. I don't need special programs to get ahead & I don't want to get something because of my sex or my hair color or anything else I can't control. There are many "minorities" who feel the same way. We just want an even playing field & a better environment for everyone, not just our particular group.

Now I do like the camaraderie, support style aspect of such groups. I'm sure people like that & find it useful. Certainly my sorority has that aspect to it.

However, if it's not a social group you never know whether it's just a support style group where you can have any viewpoints you want & simply talk to people (other women, redheads, whatever) or if you have to start taking on views you don't agree with for the sake of "group conformity."

For example, I don't think you have to stomp on men or anyone else to get ahead. Some women's groups feel differently. Some women want to discriminate against skinny women & aren't very nice to them. You don't see men cutting down more attractive men or shunning THEM. Women, on the other hand, do it all the time. Now I'm not speaking individually, I'm speaking of women as a group so don't take personal offense. If you're a woman, you know there are some catty & unpleasant ones among us.

I also think you lose valuable perspectives and insight if you're not talking to people who are different from you & have a different philosophy, mindset, experience, whatever. The world is NOT just women or just black people or just Asians or just natural redheads. You're going to have to talk to people who aren't like you sooner or later & it's better from a learning & maturity standpoint to do it sooner in my book. Plus, you get some great debates & perspectives there.

Finally, I'm a lot more than just a woman or just this or just that. I think self-segregating professional groups profoundly box you into those categories so when people think of you, they instantly think of a separate bar association or category group. I don't want anyone's first thought about me to be "She's in that women's bar association." Then, I'm just "that woman" not anything else that might be unique or significant & isn't tied to something I had no control over or is associated with some past history of oppression or affirmative action. My sorority feels different since it's not so tied up in my career or a one-dimensional place where you can't play devil's advocate. It's also more a facet of tradition & men have their fraternities so I think it balances out more.

Has anyone seen men's bar associations? I don't know of any myself. Could you imagine the outcry if those existed today? If you'd be pissed about that, ask yourself why any other group should exist. In 2012, can we not just have groups that welcome ALL people & give EVERYONE a voice? I think having to self-segregate is also a leadership failing in so-called "inclusive" groups that ought to be dealt with to eliminate this need for self-segregation. See the difference between a social group where you're just hanging out & talking to people & professional groups like bar associations doing this???

Seems It's The Entertainment Field For Me

After getting rejected for what seems to be the billionth & one legal job I tried for, I think it's time to go with the theory that the universe says "Angry Redheaded Lawyer, you belong in the entertainment industry. Stop trying to get a day job in the legal sector!"

At least the company interviewing me for the job behaved professionally, including with proper follow up. The Klausner Group deserves special recognition for this. Based on my experiences, I would certainly consider doing business with them or recommending them to others.

I've also had some networking meetings lately, including with an attorney working at a large law firm. I'll be perfectly honest: when I see a mega law firm or a prestigious law school by your name & you want to talk to little old me, I do tend to wonder if I'm going to be dealing with one of those stereotypical asshole attorneys everyone hates. It also makes me wonder what type of commonality you're possibly going to see with me. After all, I'm a massive hater of those folks & I'm quite vocal about it.

Thankfully, my faith in humanity was restored a little by these encounters with folks. The contact I met with told me outright that he hates other lawyers. I'm like "Yes!!" since as a group, I totally hate them. It's not self-hatred so much as "You assholes are dragging down the whole group & we don't even like talking to you since you're so dull, boring & empty." I'm also not the only one who doesn't see a point in networking with other attorneys; that made me feel more confident in the fact that I really don't network with attorneys who aren't in the entertainment industry (and if they are assholes, I make sure they never get squat from me). It also made me feel far less bad about not going to attorney networking events & seeing them as a waste of my time since they don't provide me with much utility. The entertainment ones are much more fun, anyway.

I also signed up for an improv class; I've been dying to do this since I went to the People's Improv Theater one evening & joined in on an improv event. My husband told me I was pretty good, people seemed to like my work & I loved being on stage for it. There's also the whole giving me something to do aspect & not feeling like I'm dragging down the curve when it's time to do my own web series. Finally found something quality that was also affordable. This isn't an easy feat in NYC.

Guess I also have to get used to stupidity by anonymous morons too chicken shit to do anything for themselves & spend all their time bringing others down. If you're going to be a detracting asshole, try posting under your real name & coming out in the open if you want anyone to take you seriously. Otherwise, you're just a fucking joke. Don't know about anyone else but I consider it my life's work to piss people off by merely existing. If you're smart, you live the same philosophy.

Detractors are clearly people unhappy in themselves who need to do the world a favor & either get some therapy or off themselves instead of spreading their bad karma around. I'll give you realism if I know about something but I'd never say "You'll never get famous" or "You'll never make it" to anyone. See the difference?

For Those Whiny Folks Who Don't Get the Whole SOPA Blackout

Get a freaking clue!!! SOPA & PIPA are basically an attempt to chop off someone's arm to stop the bleeding from a paper cut. Craig's List, Wikipedia and other sites are participating in this blackout (including yours truly, whose website was blocked a little later today as I'm not tech savvy & had to tell my webmaster about it; I would block this one but I don't know how to do it on Blogger).

Chris Dodd, head of the MPAA, former politician and your basic 1%er (i.e. most likely a corrupt scumbag vs. the rich folk who have fully functioning brains & have actually USED the Internet regularly) is a moron who apparently is all butt hurt by the whole blackout. Maybe he also has a problem with the 1st Amendment's guarantee of free speech when it isn't for HIS friends or something putting money in HIS pocket.

I wouldn't be shocked if this was true, especially since he's a champion of Internet censorship under the guise of stopping piracy instead of adapting to modern times & changing his organization's outdated business model.

I'd also like to know where he was when This Film is Not Yet Rated was being done & what he's doing + done about the so-called MPAA reforms.

And would someone explain to me just when school kids were allowed to use Wikipedia as a credible research source for schoolwork? Back in college (about 10 years ago), we were expressly forbidden to use Wikipedia for research papers. We were told by professors that it was NOT a credible resource & we could only use scholarly resources for our work. That same speech was given when I was in high school doing a research paper in my 10th grade Honors Seminar class (a combined English/Social Studies class for those ranking higher than mere Honors classes--in 11th & 12th grade, this would be AP). If you'd used it in my time, you'd have been brought up on plagiarism & failed the work. Even writing sites I worked on are strict about plagiarism & say they will check your work to make sure it's original. If you get caught, you're gone with no second chances.

What's with all these high school kids freaking out about the lack of Wikipedia?? Maybe they should get off their butts & do proper research, then? You think lawyers get to use Wikipedia when writing briefs and presenting papers to the court? They don't!!! That's like having a doctor use Operation to perform surgery.

If I were an instructor & you used it as your source in my class, I would fail your ass & publicly shame you. Let Mommy & Daddy whine, cry & try suing me! I'd tell their lawyer directly that (s)he was a desperate moron if they would even take that case to start with. I'd also have to ask what (s)he thinks the grievance committee or a judge would say about a lawyer using Wikipedia in papers to the court or to the partners in a law firm. It also goes without saying that I'd have to call those parents deadbeats & entitlemoos (to borrow a childfree term) who should never have bred to start with. To their faces, I might add.

Please tell me education in this country has not fallen that low. If it has, we will have very few skilled professionals in the next generation.

Lastly, if you want to see what happens when a childfree person has a child, I suggest you read the book "We Need to Talk About Kevin" by Lionel Shriver. I didn't get to read it all but of what I did read, it epitomizes why you're an idiot if you think a person who doesn't want to do something as important as be a parent should do it anyway.

Friday the 13th is My Lucky Day & Why I Need a Gay Male Friend

It is, believe it or not. Traditionally, I never have major disappointments or terrible problems on Friday the 13th. I know it's considered "unlucky" and all that, but it's always been the opposite for me.

Valentine's Day, on the other hand, the day conventional society considers "happy" and great was shitty for me when I was single & old enough to be interested in dating. The story of that has been discussed in earlier posts. Today's for Friday the 13th.

Friday the 13th was actually the day I selected for my wedding: October 13th, in fact. I figured my Friday the 13th luck + the same month as Halloween, a "scary" holiday would be perfect since I'd be assured the groom would show up. I also wore black to make damn sure it went well for me. Plus, I'm not a traditionalist & never claimed to be.

I also ended up having a date with this guy I'd had a crush on, my freshman fling if you will. That was my sophomore year after he was pursuing this other girl who was friends with my friends & told us all about that date (she was pissed at him afterwards for being too cheap to do valet parking but taking her to this super expensive restaurant).

This Friday the 13th wasn't much different in the whole "things going my way" dynamic. I got 2 different things in the mail from the same hotel I'd gone to for holding at my last extra gig (that one where they lied about the amount of time extras were needed & where I chose not to be exploited when I wasn't even getting paid). One was stating I'd won their Winter Sweepstakes & the second was a birthday greeting. Both entitle me to events there that I now have to go through & see who can attend. Still waiting to hear back from the people who sent this stuff to iron out all the details.

By the way, this is the second contact I've gotten about free parties for my birthday. I'm starting to feel like either an unwitting socialite or a gangster. I wonder if these people know I'm married & to a man who hates most clubs/lounges + also doesn't drink.

See, I don't mind dancing though I'd never consider myself the world's greatest or anything close to it. I was super self-conscious about it when I was younger b/c I had classmates in middle school who'd tell me to do it on command (I didn't) but I didn't have much confidence in doing it until I went to my first frat party & most of the people there were drunk. I figured A) I'm seeing much worse dancers here & B) if anyone criticizes me, I can just say "How would you know how I dance? You were drunk!" No one bothered me about it so now I'm better about it.

Still, though I generally won't unless a sufficient amount of other people are doing it (particularly non-pros) especially if there's no drinking happening. Since getting married, I don't really get to do it much. I did get to on Friday when I went to this networking event that wasn't disclosed to me as a singles event but apparently was to the guy who asked me to dance.

Free dating tip for you guys: women like men who will dance with them. If you're good at it, even better. Getting to dance with someone who's good when you're average at best is a great thing. If you can't dance, try getting lessons.

The problem with me doing that, though is that this guy seemed to get the wrong idea. Why the fuck can't I just dance for the sake of dancing?! Why can't my being married mean that either you move along to a single girl (if that's your intent) or you just talk to me as a fucking potential friend/networking contact/basis for creative work without trying to make sexual overtures?! It's not like I can flirt (if you think I flirt with people, you've not been out in public with me; I generally do my best to give off the "I'm not here for a hook-up" vibe & have never approached a guy unless a creepier guy was bothering me--then it's a matter of survival vs. putting one's self out there). I also make it a personal mission not to go out of my way to impress others (as I have for my entire dating life & could explain why I didn't have that one true love I married out of high school). This pervasive "guy getting the wrong idea" stuff has even come up in legal networking events!

I realize there's a lack of attractive female attorneys & that few people act like me but Jesus Christ! The way I've been treated at times, you'd think I was the last female catch left on Earth.

It's not like I walk around in pasties and a thong, you know. Even if I did, I think it would be more artistic on me than sexy (I think exposed butt cheeks & nipples are inappropriate unless you're doing a theater/film/TV role that called for it; most likely, I'd not take that sort of role though I have done swimsuits on stage).

Furthermore, how about the right of a woman to dress as she wants to? Why should my having a figure & looks be a punishment? Sometimes a cigar IS just a cigar, folks!

See why I have to be an enforcer? If I weren't, I'd be in a perpetual race against some aspiring Pepe Le Pew.

We actually just got the new Pepe Le Pew cartoon set and when you watch him in action, you're like "Wow, Pepe Le Pew's a rapist & into some kinky stuff."

Consider some of his pickup lines. If you used them, I guarantee women would smack you if not worse. A couple gems:

* Introducing yourself to a woman as "[Your name], your lover."
* Saying "Everyone should have a hobby. My hobby is making love." to a woman you've just met.

Seems if I want to go dancing anywhere & especially in a club, I'm going to have get a gay male friend who A) can dance, B) will go to clubs, C) has a steady boyfriend/husband, D) is hard-core, super gay but either doesn't look it on the outside or scares straight men & ideally E) the steady boyfriend/husband hates going out as much as my husband.

Heck, it seems I need that friend for going to most things.

I think that combo would work so I could just dance for the sake of dancing & not have to worry about a partner getting the wrong idea. No one's looking for romantic prospects so no being a third wheel. If the guy looks straight to others or terrifies straight men w/his gayness, it keeps cretins from bothering me (remember, I'm straight & not even the slightest bit curious so leading on a woman isn't an option).

Barring that, maybe I should get some type of libido reduction drug I can slip into people's drinks. Light enough to keep someone conscious & able to carry on a conversation but strong enough to stop the dude from thinking I'm going to violate my marriage vows. My field DOES require networking & is it my fault that many of the people with power and influence in the professional sphere are men?

Maybe if some of you men weren't making me uncomfortable with the sexual overtures, I'd help you find someone who makes you as happy as my spouse makes me.

I don't think this was a bad guy per se but if I managed to find someone, I know there's hope for most single people. Think of the awful scumbags you know who have significant others. If they have them, why not you?

Guess Who's Picking Your Nursing Home, Evil Parents?!?!?

It seems like parental relations is one of those universal areas that everyone can relate to. Even if you've never met them or you were adopted, nearly everyone's got some kind of opinion about the people who took care of them in childhood. If no one took care of you? Surely you're pissed at someone for dropping the ball there, right?

But as you might long to meet your biological parents or had to fend for yourself, there's still people who had objectively "good" parents who are miserable.

Take the case of the parent who's too strict. This is the world my sister & I grew up in. My mother, as you should have already read, was MEGA strict. She's also a religious conservative despite other things she has said & done in life. I still haven't asked about that whole sheltering a pedophile thing but man, I've got more ammo to use on her now.

You may recall my mentioning her attitude on children born outside of a marriage (she's so against it that she told me & my sister that the first one of us to have a child that wasn't out of wedlock would get the doll my grandmother had as a girl). You may also remember me talking about my sister being pregnant.

Despite my disagreements with her and having a very different mindset (maybe I'm the Terminator of my family because my mother & sister refuse to debate on issues or stand up for themselves on most things), I do actually speak to her & would care if she lived or died. Seems my mother has been going on her little judgmental digs lately. I don't really get it from her since I think I long since established that I'd cut people off for it but apparently, she felt it was okay to diminish her own grandkids by telling my sister that this baby would be the first she'd have that wasn't out of wedlock & saying it in a judgmental tone.

She's also apparently called my sister a breeder b/c this would be her third kid, claiming this was her fourth pregnancy. Never mind the fact that she lost the second one, her oldest probably wouldn't be alive today if she'd had him in wedlock and that the laws are such that it was more beneficial for her to stay single instead of getting married and impoverishing herself while her intended was not employed.

I also learned that my uncle apparently made such cracks about her kids' origins in front of them. That is totally uncool in my book. Kids remember shit like that. I still remember a long deceased aunt telling me and my sister that she loved us less than our male cousins. That happened over 20 years ago.

My sister apparently asked my mom how our grandmother would be if she were alive today (she died when I was 5 of cancer & I don't have any memories of her being a bitch to me). My mother apparently said that she would have more to say than she would.

Wow!! Way to make me be happy that my grandmother died before she could ever disapprove of us! Way to make me happy she's not around to vote some sexist ticket for the presidency! I wonder how happy she was with her daughter marrying an abusive alcoholic who disrespected her and made her grandkids feel like crap. Under that logic, she'd be calling me a slut and probably evil or a corrupted victim (which would piss me off as I was angry w/my father thinking of us as mindless robots when I was about 10 & felt he was an idiot for not getting that we had minds of our own & could see how he treated our mother, which we didn't approve of).

I also think grandparents tend to dote more on their grandkids & give them more latitude than they would their kids. My husband actually had a great relationship with his grandparents and they were actually the people who cared and supported him on things he wanted to do in life.

I've not heard my mother speak this way in front of me.

Maybe you'd say "That's because you're 'The Angry Redheaded Lawyer'/'The Avenger'."

Perhaps...

Maybe it's also because I've said in no uncertain terms that for instance, being nasty to my non-religious husband or making him feel unwelcome or uncomfortable in any way means you don't get to be in my life.

Maybe it's relevant to my being the highest educated person & not wanting to piss off the only attorney/film executive you're going to have meaningful access to.

I'd grant you all of this. I also stood up for myself a lot in college, even pointing out where my mother wanted to get uppity over my doing the very things she said to do. I'm also the person who told her she wasn't a supportive or comforting parent so she shouldn't be shocked at being the last to know about my sister's first pregnancy.

I was also the one who told my father that he should be glad my sister had a husband who stood up for her when he decided to get in her face & her first husband got in his face. I could see her current husband do the same thing & I would hope that he would as a man. My father ended up agreeing with me after being mad at my sister's first husband.

Let's consider something for a moment: who do you think will be dealing with elder care for these people when they're too old to be self-sufficient? I live hundreds of miles away, work in an industry that doesn't travel so well & have a husband who absolutely wouldn't live in the South. My sister lives a few minutes away.

Give up? My sister. Might be in my mother's best interest not to be a jerk to my sister, don't you think? I might end up making more money but I'm not going to be a physical presence or doing those in-person visits at the same level as my sister.

And people wonder why I'm of the school that family is what you make, not who you're born to along with why being "family" doesn't automatically mean much to me unless you're a sorority sister or part of the One Way family i.e. a member of a family I chose for myself?

My husband, in fact, has joked that he will be sticking his parents in the world's worst nursing home. He may actually do it based on some serious things going on in his past & his mother's behavior in particular. I already told him that I have no say on it because that's his choice. He most likely feels the same about mine. Neither of us was there for childhood with the other's parents so if the one who lived it feels their parents need to suffer for being an ass, then it's not the place of someone who came into the fold as a grownup and much later in life to make those decisions.

Karmic justice. I wonder how many people do this. Ever think that maybe some older people were real jerks to their relatives & that's why they don't visit them at the home? Could be a viable explanation but I can't see that many elderly people being unrepentant scumbags. Then again, it may very well be a case of being on the outside looking in.

As for me & my husband, we intend to have the money for good care later on or be dead first. Not being self-sufficient is, for us, a form of death. I'd rather not be alive if I had no quality of life; husband agrees. Hence, no life support for us.

God, see how stressful it can be to work in this industry? I now have to think about which relationships I'm kicking out of my life due to toxicity. I'll take being alone over being abused; liberation is better than companionship at any cost. There are a great many people in the world and I know you can find some gems if you look hard enough.