Friday the 13th is My Lucky Day & Why I Need a Gay Male Friend

It is, believe it or not. Traditionally, I never have major disappointments or terrible problems on Friday the 13th. I know it's considered "unlucky" and all that, but it's always been the opposite for me.

Valentine's Day, on the other hand, the day conventional society considers "happy" and great was shitty for me when I was single & old enough to be interested in dating. The story of that has been discussed in earlier posts. Today's for Friday the 13th.

Friday the 13th was actually the day I selected for my wedding: October 13th, in fact. I figured my Friday the 13th luck + the same month as Halloween, a "scary" holiday would be perfect since I'd be assured the groom would show up. I also wore black to make damn sure it went well for me. Plus, I'm not a traditionalist & never claimed to be.

I also ended up having a date with this guy I'd had a crush on, my freshman fling if you will. That was my sophomore year after he was pursuing this other girl who was friends with my friends & told us all about that date (she was pissed at him afterwards for being too cheap to do valet parking but taking her to this super expensive restaurant).

This Friday the 13th wasn't much different in the whole "things going my way" dynamic. I got 2 different things in the mail from the same hotel I'd gone to for holding at my last extra gig (that one where they lied about the amount of time extras were needed & where I chose not to be exploited when I wasn't even getting paid). One was stating I'd won their Winter Sweepstakes & the second was a birthday greeting. Both entitle me to events there that I now have to go through & see who can attend. Still waiting to hear back from the people who sent this stuff to iron out all the details.

By the way, this is the second contact I've gotten about free parties for my birthday. I'm starting to feel like either an unwitting socialite or a gangster. I wonder if these people know I'm married & to a man who hates most clubs/lounges + also doesn't drink.

See, I don't mind dancing though I'd never consider myself the world's greatest or anything close to it. I was super self-conscious about it when I was younger b/c I had classmates in middle school who'd tell me to do it on command (I didn't) but I didn't have much confidence in doing it until I went to my first frat party & most of the people there were drunk. I figured A) I'm seeing much worse dancers here & B) if anyone criticizes me, I can just say "How would you know how I dance? You were drunk!" No one bothered me about it so now I'm better about it.

Still, though I generally won't unless a sufficient amount of other people are doing it (particularly non-pros) especially if there's no drinking happening. Since getting married, I don't really get to do it much. I did get to on Friday when I went to this networking event that wasn't disclosed to me as a singles event but apparently was to the guy who asked me to dance.

Free dating tip for you guys: women like men who will dance with them. If you're good at it, even better. Getting to dance with someone who's good when you're average at best is a great thing. If you can't dance, try getting lessons.

The problem with me doing that, though is that this guy seemed to get the wrong idea. Why the fuck can't I just dance for the sake of dancing?! Why can't my being married mean that either you move along to a single girl (if that's your intent) or you just talk to me as a fucking potential friend/networking contact/basis for creative work without trying to make sexual overtures?! It's not like I can flirt (if you think I flirt with people, you've not been out in public with me; I generally do my best to give off the "I'm not here for a hook-up" vibe & have never approached a guy unless a creepier guy was bothering me--then it's a matter of survival vs. putting one's self out there). I also make it a personal mission not to go out of my way to impress others (as I have for my entire dating life & could explain why I didn't have that one true love I married out of high school). This pervasive "guy getting the wrong idea" stuff has even come up in legal networking events!

I realize there's a lack of attractive female attorneys & that few people act like me but Jesus Christ! The way I've been treated at times, you'd think I was the last female catch left on Earth.

It's not like I walk around in pasties and a thong, you know. Even if I did, I think it would be more artistic on me than sexy (I think exposed butt cheeks & nipples are inappropriate unless you're doing a theater/film/TV role that called for it; most likely, I'd not take that sort of role though I have done swimsuits on stage).

Furthermore, how about the right of a woman to dress as she wants to? Why should my having a figure & looks be a punishment? Sometimes a cigar IS just a cigar, folks!

See why I have to be an enforcer? If I weren't, I'd be in a perpetual race against some aspiring Pepe Le Pew.

We actually just got the new Pepe Le Pew cartoon set and when you watch him in action, you're like "Wow, Pepe Le Pew's a rapist & into some kinky stuff."

Consider some of his pickup lines. If you used them, I guarantee women would smack you if not worse. A couple gems:

* Introducing yourself to a woman as "[Your name], your lover."
* Saying "Everyone should have a hobby. My hobby is making love." to a woman you've just met.

Seems if I want to go dancing anywhere & especially in a club, I'm going to have get a gay male friend who A) can dance, B) will go to clubs, C) has a steady boyfriend/husband, D) is hard-core, super gay but either doesn't look it on the outside or scares straight men & ideally E) the steady boyfriend/husband hates going out as much as my husband.

Heck, it seems I need that friend for going to most things.

I think that combo would work so I could just dance for the sake of dancing & not have to worry about a partner getting the wrong idea. No one's looking for romantic prospects so no being a third wheel. If the guy looks straight to others or terrifies straight men w/his gayness, it keeps cretins from bothering me (remember, I'm straight & not even the slightest bit curious so leading on a woman isn't an option).

Barring that, maybe I should get some type of libido reduction drug I can slip into people's drinks. Light enough to keep someone conscious & able to carry on a conversation but strong enough to stop the dude from thinking I'm going to violate my marriage vows. My field DOES require networking & is it my fault that many of the people with power and influence in the professional sphere are men?

Maybe if some of you men weren't making me uncomfortable with the sexual overtures, I'd help you find someone who makes you as happy as my spouse makes me.

I don't think this was a bad guy per se but if I managed to find someone, I know there's hope for most single people. Think of the awful scumbags you know who have significant others. If they have them, why not you?

Overdramatic Freak Outs Over Weather Conditions

If you read anything about the East Coast or were here this week, you are well acquainted with that "earthquake" and the impending "hurricane" coming up the coast this weekend.

This leads me to something that's bothered me for years: cheap theatrics over weather conditions. Let me explain what I'm talking about. If you already know where I'm going on this, I respect you as a member of the intelligent population of planet Earth. Since I think most people don't, here goes.

First & foremost, the local media is definitely a culprit in mass hysteria on weather matters. They ALWAYS blow up some minor detail & make it into a catchphrase, a slogan, or some mass travesty to society, God, animals, all living things. It's not just a snowstorm, it's the blizzard of 2011 or Snow Spectacular. Whatever!

Now, while I acknowledge that the media does this, I also know that that's simply the media being what it is. This massive exaggeration has gone on forever & will likely continue until society collapses onto itself. I'm sure this even happened before the printing press considering there were town criers. Essentially, the media is today's town crier.

The problem I have is with people who further this media frenzy. Or even better, the people who take this media frenzy to a whole new level of blind panic & hysteria. These are the people who will turn the mountain into Mount Everest.

If the media turned a snowball into a snowman, these people turn the average snowman into the Abominable Snowman.

Case in point. This week, there was a minor earthquake in NYC. I felt a little shaking and thought maybe it was neighbors at first. Then I thought it was just me seeing things. Then, it was over.

The next day, I read about chuckleheads who claimed this earthquake made them apprehensive that they were going to experience another 9/11 attack.

Were you really a few miles away from me at the time? I understand feeling that way if you were in D.C. since it was stronger there, but if you're in NYC & claim this, you're one of these instigators feeding into the media frenzy. Stop being an idiot!

Furthermore, I know 9/11 was a traumatic event here but stop thinking every little thing that happens in NYC is connected to terrorism or associated with 9/11. Sometimes, a fart is just a fart all right? Plus, if you were smart, why would you target the place where everyone's looking for more terrorist attacks to happen? There are plenty of other cities in the US and more places where there are lots of people if that's your goal. I'm sure some of them are not nearly as prepared or endowed with the kind of resources NYC is.

Oh, and lastly: when it's your time to go, it's your time to go. We're all going to die someday so while you're alive, you may as well live free, rationally & in a manner that will make you happy without hurting innocent people. Living in fear isn't living at all, got it? Let law enforcement worry about terrorist stuff & don't let people take your civil rights from you.

Let's face it: the terrorists already won & if you don't agree, you live in a fog of delusion no amount of common sense will stir you out of. You're officially one of the sheeple!

So now, with Hurricane Irene heading toward NYC and Long Island, there's more panic & hysteria. Try finding water or batteries here, even earlier today: you'd be out of luck. We went grocery shopping earlier and saw some of this firsthand. There was nothing but a wide, empty space of shelves where the bottled water would be. This was the case in every store we went into.

It seems there are also some differences between city dwellers and suburbanites. People in the suburbs seem more prone to freaking out. You mention any major weather condition and it's like telling them the Rapture is going to hit tomorrow. I'm shocked I didn't see anyone running around screaming "Oh, ag-o-ny ag-o-nyyyy!" while grabbing the sides of their head like Daffy Duck in that Looney Tunes cartoon The Great Piggy Bank Robbery.

Apparently there was the same stocking up in NYC but city dwellers take this stuff in stride. Much like me, they feel it's much ado over nothing.

They closed our transit system starting at noon tomorrow. They also evacuated parts of the city (and not our area, despite in-laws claiming we were blocks away from evacuation; welcome to more hysteria). Part of this is due to Bloomberg's incompetence during the blizzard in December. You can read about that in this blog considering I took pics of the incompetence & total lying he was doing about my area being serviceable. Ha!

I also had to deal with constant tornado freakouts growing up. Anytime there was a thunderstorm in NC, people would claim a tornado touched down & everyone would panic. Institute a tornado watch & people would immediately go into freakout mode. I went through exactly 1 tornado while living there. I also went through exactly 1 hurricane (Hugo, back in 1989). During the hurricane, I was in a trailer. Survived that just fine, thanks.

We're slated to get a Category 1. My biggest concern is the power going out, though we have our precautions set. I believe in not being stupid but at the same time, lighten up people!!! Take a chill pill, get a grip. Stop going overboard & stressing out over weather stuff. You can't control it. You can't change it so sit down, shut up & stop buying into media hype. For God's sake, stop creating exaggeration & doing the Man's job in creating a culture of fear.

More rants in the next few days if I've got power & people are actually on the ball about fixing it.