Read this Cracked article & realized I should speak on this. Don't think I've talked about it & I've got some stories.
Now I never dated guys shorter than me. I'm 5'6 so I wouldn't be dating someone whose eye line comes right to my chest. That would be really creepy considering I'm not the average model's height or anything super tall (though it would make modeling so much easier if I were). Those guys should be dating women like my sister, who's about 5'1/5'2. She's short, especially compared to me. I got the looks & she'd even tell you that herself. She got other stuff like being more sociable, a maternal instinct & a much more caring nature.
The guys I'm speaking of were my height or damn close. The soon to be ex is 5'7 & Vampire Boy was 5'6.
I'm here to tell you there are some serious advantages sexually to dating a guy the same height as you. For one thing, you will never strain your neck to kiss that guy. Corona Boy was TALL & I remember killing my neck trying to kiss him. Not fun.
You can also do any sexual position you want with a guy the same height as you. My sister's first husband was over 6 feet tall. There were things they couldn't do physically b/c of the height difference (or at least if they did, I have no clue how that happened; I've never asked her about it & she didn't share that though keep in mind women share a LOT about sex with you men--if you do something odd or have some unusual attribute, we're probably going to tell our friends/sisters/other females we develop rapport with). I never had that issue when I was having sex with guys I dated who were my height. I even had sex with Vampire Boy in the front passenger seat of his car without having any problems at all; he never complained & maybe it's not true for everyone but if I'm not comfortable (physically or mentally), it's a HUGE distraction. If you're physically comfy, chances are the guy who's your height will be as well.
Let's just say there's a closeness you can have with a guy whose height is the same as yours that you can't get if there's too much of a difference. If you experienced it yourself, you know what I mean.
I guess I could mention a third benefit that I never really planned for: you can push around a guy who's the same height as you more easily. It's not like he's got as much of a size advantage against you. My sister even claimed I only dated guys the same height as me so I could push them around. I'm sure friends of mine would contend that I could push around any guy I wanted to no matter what physical size difference he had over me.
To be honest, the height thing was a total coincidence. I mostly had guys choose me instead of me choosing them. I've not had to chase or pursue anyone so it's not in my nature to do it. That chasing men thing skipped me & went to my sister instead; I just find it undignified + don't care enough about any particular guy to "chase" him. I figure if he doesn't see my awesomeness or want me as I am, then fuck him. There's plenty of other guys out there & it's not like I've had a shortage of suitors. Even when I was married, I was getting propositions though didn't pursue them since I felt it would be wrong to do so.
Oh, and height is not an absolute criterion for size. A guy told me & some other girls in college that it was a factor but in my experience, that wasn't a perfect formula considering Corona Boy was horribly small (his having no skill made things even worse). Maybe you won't get porn actor with some shorter guy but that doesn't mean you're getting freakishly small either. I'll say that I wasn't unhappy & leave it at that (though my big thing is technique; if a guy doesn't have any technique or that technique just sucks, that's unacceptable for me).
Law school sometimes felt like the land of men with Napoleon complexes. I'm sure women extensively dating attorneys would have far more to say about that & more of a base there than me but I have definitely seen some of that in my experiences. I actually avoided dating attorneys or law students since I didn't want to deal with some guy who wouldn't get my circumstances or where I came from (the specter of the Napoleon complex also factored in); explained this recently to my law school friend who'd have been thrilled if I had submitted to his advances instead of staying loyal to the jerky soon to be ex. Is it sad that part of me wishes I'd seized that day? Maybe if I'd known this was coming, I might have.
But then again, I never stayed friends with guys I did such things with & they all ended up hurting me in the end. I was certain this guy would have proven me right & it would have harmed my career. I wouldn't even have the friendship & I actually value that since few people have made me feel like I mattered and that I wasn't an intrusion on them.
So I think there's a lot to be said for the height advantages of dating someone who matches yours & no, getting to push the guy around isn't my reason for saying that. Only an idiot wouldn't be at least a little afraid of me or think that I'm capable of killing him in his sleep if he really angered me enough & I had nothing going for me in my life, height be damned.
Would I pick a guy of my height today? Not sure considering the 2 guys who hurt me most were right near my height. It might not be a factor but I think it's time to look at guys who don't fit my classic tropes & the height thing is one of those common patterns. Being named Eric, Matt or Joseph is also not going to work since I had bad experiences with those guys & it became another joke with my family with respect to my dating life. I think having my estranged husband's name wouldn't work either though my sister's former FIL had an ex wife and a future second wife with the same name. We joked that he did that so he wouldn't say the wrong name in bed.
At the end of the day, you really have to go with character and so forth but if you haven't dated a guy your height it's something you have to do at least once if you can feel some sparks (even if it's just sexual).
I've got another post in me to write but you're only getting this one for now. Don't worry, though; it's definitely coming though will be a little gross to some people.
Showing posts with label Vampire Boy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Vampire Boy. Show all posts
Thursday, March 20, 2014
Monday, January 30, 2012
The Whole Cooking vs. Eating Out Debate
I'm not sure this is a topic I've really discussed here. You might think "She lives in NYC & works in entertainment. Surely she's eating out ALL THE TIME." I mean, look at Sex & the City where Carrie even talks about how she can't cook in one episode. I've not seen it in ages & in no way do I have an encyclopedic knowledge of that show but I do own all the seasons on DVD & saw both of the movies with that former friend who tried ruining my sister's wedding.
Perhaps that's a reason I've not seen it recently: it's tainted for me b/c of that former friend. Another good reason is if I'm writing something with even remote similarity to something I've seen, I don't want to be unduly influenced by it while in the writing process. There's inspiration & then there's copying; I want to avoid copying.
Anyway, one important Southern stereotype that actually isn't inaccurate when you're talking about me is that I can cook. I may not be a master chef but it's sort of a cultural expectation where I grew up that if you're female you learn some cooking skills since eventually, you're going to have a husband and kids to take care of & it's irresponsible to have them live off fast food. One of those "making you more marketable as a wife" deals.
Cooking in many circles of women is like sports for men. There's different cuisines, different interests & styles but it's something many of us can actually talk about & make attempts at. Plenty of women would look down on a woman who couldn't even boil water or thinks TV dinners are good for you 7 days a week.
I actually didn't get to do full cooking until I went to law school. I do much more of it now since I'm married, have more income to buy things, a kitchen with an oven, stove, appliances, etc. & just can't eat certain things anymore because they mess up my stomach. I also like knowing what's in my food & if I cook it, I'll know.
Part of my interest in cooking came from eating something at a restaurant & feeling I could make it better (usually less greasy but also less fatty or without something the restaurant had in it that I hated). My mom also did more cooking when we were younger & we helped out on that. I even took Home Ec in middle school & tried taking this Foods & Nutrition class in high school.
However, the high school class was taught by this mega-bitch who demanded you to eat whatever was prepared even if you: had an allergy, didn't like it, had a small stomach (you didn't get to pick your portion size) or was nervous about someone's sanitation practices. This woman even checked the garbage so if you didn't want something & wanted to leave, you had to sneak the food out & throw it away elsewhere (far more than the simple taste). I ended up doing that once when we had this absolutely disgusting dessert in the class. I transferred out b/c of it though I had some entertaining classmates & got to sit with a table of older kids (including a guy who was our class clown/troublemaker).
I found out later she had cancer but I didn't (and still don't) think that made her behavior okay.
Another great thing about cooking for yourself? You never have to deal with the BS of restaurant wait times. I have to agree with this woman's sentiments. I don't consider myself to have some weird food tasting issue (I'm not a non-taster); I just don't have that kind of time in my life & lack patience for long lines.
This is not just a trendy restaurant issue; The Cheesecake Factory & other chain restaurants suffer from this as well on Saturday & Friday evenings.
Plus, my food will probably come out better anyway & be the way I want it, not how YOU want to serve it to me. I absolutely, without a doubt, despise any restaurant that dictates to me how my food is going to be. If I ask for "no onions" on my food, I expect to get it.
Don't get me wrong: I'm not some high maintenance bitch but at the same time, if I'm paying for it I'll have it my way or you can shove it up your butt. You want to serve it to me YOUR way??? Don't charge me for it! Better yet, why not pay me to be your food taster? Otherwise, don't expect me to spend money for gunk I won't eat & don't expect to have that many paying customers.
Luckily, my husband is also picky & loves my cooking so he'll generally opt for that over any restaurant's food.
Yet another reason home cooking is better? It's much cheaper. This article is a bunch of crap for many reasons:
1. Any smart person knows you shop for sales or find the best deal on something based on a quality/price calculation. Buying from the NYC Fresh Express isn't going to cut it. Try a grocery store with lots of sales & quality goods or even the farmer's market.
2. The serving sizes here are inaccurate as commenters to the story pointed out.
3. They left out the tax & tip. Are they trying to tell people to stiff servers? I'm sure that's going to go over well.
4. Let's also consider the future medical costs when you get a heart attack, diabetes or whatever bad health condition that arises from excess grease, fat, etc. Using a copycat recipe & making it at home is a lot better. Plus, you'll likely eat less at home.
5. Finally, there's those darn restaurant wait times. Some are so long that by the time you've gotten your food, you could have made it yourself & already eaten it ages ago.
At the end of the day, my food doesn't make anyone sick so we'll stick with it. I think eating out should be done in moderation like for special occasions. I couldn't handle eating restaurant food everyday & would not want to. You shouldn't want to either, unless maybe no one in your family can cook. Then I just pity you.
Or, you could go to a restaurant that offers a theme like Hooters or even this one in South Korea.
Now, why has this kind of restaurant not opened nationwide in America? Don't we believe in equal opportunity for exploitation? Shouldn't men have the right to use their looks for the service industry just as women have? Wouldn't gay men & straight women really like this concept? I've been saying for years this sort of thing should be more equal opportunity.
Oh, and I should point out that I'm not one of those women who'd freak out if my significant other went to Hooters or who'd get jealous of a Hooters girl. After all, most people would think I'm pretty enough to work there & I know my husband's only got eyes for me. Years ago, I applied for a job at one in my hometown when I was trying to find a job after college (ideally, it was going to supplement this job I applied for & allow me to earn money to move to NYC even quicker); I think I must have failed the intelligence & pushover requirements to work there because I spoke to the manager and I think he was irked about me using it for this supplemental purpose.
I heard later on about Hooters workers who were quite unhappy with extra hours & general management nastiness (I don't remember anything about that location but I heard about it as a general corporate practice).
Vampire Boy even went to Hooters once with friends (I wasn't there) & I'm still somewhat amused by that considering he WAS Vampire Boy (no sparkles or movie star looks, though) + conventionally pretty women did nothing for him. It would be like the biggest redneck you know going to a wine tasting.
The most significant thing he came away with? He thought the food was horrible. Since then, I've heard more people say this about the food.
My husband also isn't the Hooters type & would get pissed if you didn't have good food or were rude to me or him. Flirting in my presence would probably make me amused at best since I know that chick would have no chance in any lifetime. I'd probably also tell her she could do better; my husband's certainly had enough people shocked at my looks & the fact that I'M married to him so it would probably be true.
Anyhow, you're better off learning to cook & eating at home where it's more comfy, you don't have to deal with screaming children (unless they're yours) or lazy parents & can have it YOUR way.
Perhaps that's a reason I've not seen it recently: it's tainted for me b/c of that former friend. Another good reason is if I'm writing something with even remote similarity to something I've seen, I don't want to be unduly influenced by it while in the writing process. There's inspiration & then there's copying; I want to avoid copying.
Anyway, one important Southern stereotype that actually isn't inaccurate when you're talking about me is that I can cook. I may not be a master chef but it's sort of a cultural expectation where I grew up that if you're female you learn some cooking skills since eventually, you're going to have a husband and kids to take care of & it's irresponsible to have them live off fast food. One of those "making you more marketable as a wife" deals.
Cooking in many circles of women is like sports for men. There's different cuisines, different interests & styles but it's something many of us can actually talk about & make attempts at. Plenty of women would look down on a woman who couldn't even boil water or thinks TV dinners are good for you 7 days a week.
I actually didn't get to do full cooking until I went to law school. I do much more of it now since I'm married, have more income to buy things, a kitchen with an oven, stove, appliances, etc. & just can't eat certain things anymore because they mess up my stomach. I also like knowing what's in my food & if I cook it, I'll know.
Part of my interest in cooking came from eating something at a restaurant & feeling I could make it better (usually less greasy but also less fatty or without something the restaurant had in it that I hated). My mom also did more cooking when we were younger & we helped out on that. I even took Home Ec in middle school & tried taking this Foods & Nutrition class in high school.
However, the high school class was taught by this mega-bitch who demanded you to eat whatever was prepared even if you: had an allergy, didn't like it, had a small stomach (you didn't get to pick your portion size) or was nervous about someone's sanitation practices. This woman even checked the garbage so if you didn't want something & wanted to leave, you had to sneak the food out & throw it away elsewhere (far more than the simple taste). I ended up doing that once when we had this absolutely disgusting dessert in the class. I transferred out b/c of it though I had some entertaining classmates & got to sit with a table of older kids (including a guy who was our class clown/troublemaker).
I found out later she had cancer but I didn't (and still don't) think that made her behavior okay.
Another great thing about cooking for yourself? You never have to deal with the BS of restaurant wait times. I have to agree with this woman's sentiments. I don't consider myself to have some weird food tasting issue (I'm not a non-taster); I just don't have that kind of time in my life & lack patience for long lines.
This is not just a trendy restaurant issue; The Cheesecake Factory & other chain restaurants suffer from this as well on Saturday & Friday evenings.
Plus, my food will probably come out better anyway & be the way I want it, not how YOU want to serve it to me. I absolutely, without a doubt, despise any restaurant that dictates to me how my food is going to be. If I ask for "no onions" on my food, I expect to get it.
Don't get me wrong: I'm not some high maintenance bitch but at the same time, if I'm paying for it I'll have it my way or you can shove it up your butt. You want to serve it to me YOUR way??? Don't charge me for it! Better yet, why not pay me to be your food taster? Otherwise, don't expect me to spend money for gunk I won't eat & don't expect to have that many paying customers.
Luckily, my husband is also picky & loves my cooking so he'll generally opt for that over any restaurant's food.
Yet another reason home cooking is better? It's much cheaper. This article is a bunch of crap for many reasons:
1. Any smart person knows you shop for sales or find the best deal on something based on a quality/price calculation. Buying from the NYC Fresh Express isn't going to cut it. Try a grocery store with lots of sales & quality goods or even the farmer's market.
2. The serving sizes here are inaccurate as commenters to the story pointed out.
3. They left out the tax & tip. Are they trying to tell people to stiff servers? I'm sure that's going to go over well.
4. Let's also consider the future medical costs when you get a heart attack, diabetes or whatever bad health condition that arises from excess grease, fat, etc. Using a copycat recipe & making it at home is a lot better. Plus, you'll likely eat less at home.
5. Finally, there's those darn restaurant wait times. Some are so long that by the time you've gotten your food, you could have made it yourself & already eaten it ages ago.
At the end of the day, my food doesn't make anyone sick so we'll stick with it. I think eating out should be done in moderation like for special occasions. I couldn't handle eating restaurant food everyday & would not want to. You shouldn't want to either, unless maybe no one in your family can cook. Then I just pity you.
Or, you could go to a restaurant that offers a theme like Hooters or even this one in South Korea.
Now, why has this kind of restaurant not opened nationwide in America? Don't we believe in equal opportunity for exploitation? Shouldn't men have the right to use their looks for the service industry just as women have? Wouldn't gay men & straight women really like this concept? I've been saying for years this sort of thing should be more equal opportunity.
Oh, and I should point out that I'm not one of those women who'd freak out if my significant other went to Hooters or who'd get jealous of a Hooters girl. After all, most people would think I'm pretty enough to work there & I know my husband's only got eyes for me. Years ago, I applied for a job at one in my hometown when I was trying to find a job after college (ideally, it was going to supplement this job I applied for & allow me to earn money to move to NYC even quicker); I think I must have failed the intelligence & pushover requirements to work there because I spoke to the manager and I think he was irked about me using it for this supplemental purpose.
I heard later on about Hooters workers who were quite unhappy with extra hours & general management nastiness (I don't remember anything about that location but I heard about it as a general corporate practice).
Vampire Boy even went to Hooters once with friends (I wasn't there) & I'm still somewhat amused by that considering he WAS Vampire Boy (no sparkles or movie star looks, though) + conventionally pretty women did nothing for him. It would be like the biggest redneck you know going to a wine tasting.
The most significant thing he came away with? He thought the food was horrible. Since then, I've heard more people say this about the food.
My husband also isn't the Hooters type & would get pissed if you didn't have good food or were rude to me or him. Flirting in my presence would probably make me amused at best since I know that chick would have no chance in any lifetime. I'd probably also tell her she could do better; my husband's certainly had enough people shocked at my looks & the fact that I'M married to him so it would probably be true.
Anyhow, you're better off learning to cook & eating at home where it's more comfy, you don't have to deal with screaming children (unless they're yours) or lazy parents & can have it YOUR way.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Standing Up for Me
One of my biggest pet peeves is men using feminism to absolve themselves of treating a woman right. Just because I'm assertive doesn't mean you get to sit & watch while some guy harasses me or tries to violate me. I remember dating this guy that I call "Vampire Boy."
Oh, Vampire Boy...the relationship where I constantly wondered whether I was in love or not & learned I wasn't after meeting my husband. He would say stuff to me all the time like "Don't fall in love with me," but then say that I helped him recover from this brutal dumping by an ex.
Among this man's many flaws & transgressions, one thing really sticks out in my mind.
At the time, he fancied himself a wannabe musician. Called my singing voice "okay," so that definitely tells you something (most people tell me I'm very good/should sing professionally/you get the idea--at this point, I'm close to semi-professional). He starts working graveyard shift at this gas station & meets some musicians who live nearby. They invite him to a house party & for reasons I still can't figure out, he decides to go & takes me as well as two of his goth friends. He is Vampire Boy b/c he wore all black & my family only saw him at night (my mom gets the credit for this nickname).
When we get there, I notice that it's a lot like my college's frat parties but w/more people & a bigger house. This is definitely not the environment I expect Vampire Boy to want to be part of. As we walk in, he tells me that if anyone messes w/me I'm on my own since he's too small to defend me against anyone (he was my height of 5'6*).
I didn't think much of it at the time but again, I was merely dating him. I was talking about the issue of standing up for your woman w/my husband today & a thought occurs to me.
If someone gets good & mad, size doesn't matter. I'm sure plenty of people wouldn't want to mess w/me if I hit that point or think they could take me; that's just common sense. For that reason, I believe you shouldn't go around ticking people off regardless of what they look like since the smallest person in the room could easily fight dirty/know the exact pressure points to hit to knock you down/be a trained fighter/who knows. Anyone in a rage filled state isn't someone to mess with.
So if you can't get in a rage filled state over someone messing w/your spouse or serious girlfriend, I don't think you deserve to be w/that person. At least, I don't think a guy deserves me if he won't stand up for me in a situation. It means he doesn't care that much about you & if you can't count on that, you may as well be single.
My husband really ticked me off one time for not doing this & I've told him that if it ever happens again, we'd be talking divorce. Strong woman or not, he wouldn't deserve to be with me if he can't back me up or be there for me like I would for him. That kind of imbalance doesn't work in a marriage.
I think this easily applies to any woman. No man deserves your love if you can't be sure that he'd at least tell some jerk who's bothering you to back off. You can bet I'd NEVER let anyone mess w/my man; hurting him means you're going to pay in some form & everyone knows you don't mess w/an angry redhead. We're all crazy!!
And if a man is causing pain to you, that's even worse. Especially if it's physical. I have never been in an abusive relationship, probably b/c I lived w/my mother who famously said she didn't get why a woman would take that from a man since "they always go to sleep." The women in my family don't mess around; if you hit one of us, we just hit you right back & keep going if we have to. My mother put up w/a lot from my father but she said she'd never put up with infidelity or physical abuse from him. She didn't & my father knew better than to try it, even in his worst drunken rage.
In fact, he's often used the fact that we were never physically abused to excuse the other crappy stuff we were subjected to. That still ticks me off.
* As a side note, most of the guys I dated were close to my height. My family joked that I liked guys near my height so I could push them around but honestly, I've found a lot of romantic advantages to dating someone near your height (you can do this if you're 5'6 but probably not if you're 5'1). They also know I'd have never let ANY guy boss me around; my husband doesn't even do that.
Oh, Vampire Boy...the relationship where I constantly wondered whether I was in love or not & learned I wasn't after meeting my husband. He would say stuff to me all the time like "Don't fall in love with me," but then say that I helped him recover from this brutal dumping by an ex.
Among this man's many flaws & transgressions, one thing really sticks out in my mind.
At the time, he fancied himself a wannabe musician. Called my singing voice "okay," so that definitely tells you something (most people tell me I'm very good/should sing professionally/you get the idea--at this point, I'm close to semi-professional). He starts working graveyard shift at this gas station & meets some musicians who live nearby. They invite him to a house party & for reasons I still can't figure out, he decides to go & takes me as well as two of his goth friends. He is Vampire Boy b/c he wore all black & my family only saw him at night (my mom gets the credit for this nickname).
When we get there, I notice that it's a lot like my college's frat parties but w/more people & a bigger house. This is definitely not the environment I expect Vampire Boy to want to be part of. As we walk in, he tells me that if anyone messes w/me I'm on my own since he's too small to defend me against anyone (he was my height of 5'6*).
I didn't think much of it at the time but again, I was merely dating him. I was talking about the issue of standing up for your woman w/my husband today & a thought occurs to me.
If someone gets good & mad, size doesn't matter. I'm sure plenty of people wouldn't want to mess w/me if I hit that point or think they could take me; that's just common sense. For that reason, I believe you shouldn't go around ticking people off regardless of what they look like since the smallest person in the room could easily fight dirty/know the exact pressure points to hit to knock you down/be a trained fighter/who knows. Anyone in a rage filled state isn't someone to mess with.
So if you can't get in a rage filled state over someone messing w/your spouse or serious girlfriend, I don't think you deserve to be w/that person. At least, I don't think a guy deserves me if he won't stand up for me in a situation. It means he doesn't care that much about you & if you can't count on that, you may as well be single.
My husband really ticked me off one time for not doing this & I've told him that if it ever happens again, we'd be talking divorce. Strong woman or not, he wouldn't deserve to be with me if he can't back me up or be there for me like I would for him. That kind of imbalance doesn't work in a marriage.
I think this easily applies to any woman. No man deserves your love if you can't be sure that he'd at least tell some jerk who's bothering you to back off. You can bet I'd NEVER let anyone mess w/my man; hurting him means you're going to pay in some form & everyone knows you don't mess w/an angry redhead. We're all crazy!!
And if a man is causing pain to you, that's even worse. Especially if it's physical. I have never been in an abusive relationship, probably b/c I lived w/my mother who famously said she didn't get why a woman would take that from a man since "they always go to sleep." The women in my family don't mess around; if you hit one of us, we just hit you right back & keep going if we have to. My mother put up w/a lot from my father but she said she'd never put up with infidelity or physical abuse from him. She didn't & my father knew better than to try it, even in his worst drunken rage.
In fact, he's often used the fact that we were never physically abused to excuse the other crappy stuff we were subjected to. That still ticks me off.
* As a side note, most of the guys I dated were close to my height. My family joked that I liked guys near my height so I could push them around but honestly, I've found a lot of romantic advantages to dating someone near your height (you can do this if you're 5'6 but probably not if you're 5'1). They also know I'd have never let ANY guy boss me around; my husband doesn't even do that.
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