My First Subcommittee Chair Event & A Fun Way to Get Dates for the Dateless

So after some wrangling, I've gotten my first event as Subcommittee Chair on the calendar at NYCLA. It's going to be on March 4th at 7 p.m. & if you register, you too can attend. However, I should warn you that we currently have over 100 people registered for it. Thank the awesome draw of Jagger Kaye, Monroe Mann & my awesome team of speakers.

Jagger is a guy who is the antithesis of the average speaker at any bar association so when he ran with this idea & offered to get me speakers + moderate, I had to take him up on it. My goal in having a leadership role in a bar association is to do something different & make the place accessible along with relevant to our population. Since my realm is creatives & this is something that has actually happened in the course of my work (people have asked me to be their managers even though I own a film company & feel me doing that would lead to inevitable conflict of interest issues in duties to client vs. duties to my company), I felt it was time we had a forum on this issue.

Maybe I would have been more tepid in my quest to do something different but since Jagger put it out there, I thought "Not only can I start my tenure in style & build a name, I can open the doors to getting more fresh and different events in there." I demanded my participants to be themselves. I'm always myself when I go to any of the bar associations so I feel like it's more of "Accept me, accept my peers/friends/contacts."

Plus, I have some very well respected people for this that my legal colleagues wouldn't necessarily have been able to get. If anyone knows what an agent or a manager does, it's an actual working agent & an actual working manager. I've seen too many events with lawyers where no one went to the source & that's always bothered me. Who's going to be better at talking about the actor client than Jagger, who is also a working actor? I also ended up getting a great resource to talk about the producer client who is an actual working producer (along with a well respected casting director).

I'm also starting with my friends/allies & picked them specifically since they deserve to have this audience. Lawyers tend to be a hot commodity in the entertainment field & the lawyers trying to work in this industry often have a hard time finding the creatives. I also think lawyers aren't the only people who can teach a lawyer something. I've learned plenty, especially about the entertainment industry, from people who weren't lawyers but actually are producers, actors, agents, etc.

For me, it's important to go right to the source if you want to know something. Sadly, that's not how I've seen many parts of the legal community working. If I have anything to say about it, that is going to change.

For instance, I don't recommend resources for entertainment law when the people involved care more about the lawyers' law school GPA & whether they were on law review than if they have any real experience in the field and can talk to the creatives in a way they respect. I like my creative contacts way too much to do that to them.

Hopefully, I'll bring in the lawyers who hate bar associations & wouldn't bother with them but see my events and like them. My speakers certainly won't be boring & I know they care about this. That's another gripe I've had with events: you can tell the difference between someone who really cares about being there & someone who's just phoning it in. If you're passionate about something & great at expressing it, you'll make people care even if they don't know what you're talking about or could care less about your subject.

I saw this happen once in a college class when an economics professor was speaking on an economic concept. I didn't know anything about it & economics is definitely not a topic most people consider interesting (I definitely don't though I understand it in general terms). However, this guy was very passionate about it. The way he spoke made me care about what he was saying. He was also a very well regarded & liked professor.

So we'll see how this goes. I think it will truly be epic & if I get my way, it will be a game changer for everyone. Also, hope people will listen to me when I do more events & trust my choices for speakers. I actually created the event title since I'm trying to show the informality of this business, my speakers & me as an event planner. Professional doesn't have to = stuffy or boring. We can have fun as well. I'm not sure there's anyone who embodies that more than Jagger in terms of a moderator.

On another note, I saw this outside the subway station when I was going to a karaoke place in Brooklyn last month:

A few comments to be noted:

1. My husband says "The library is not for dating!" Nope, it isn't. Don't you dare try that nasty mating stuff in there! He's busted people for that & apparently told the mostly teenagers who do this that if he can't do it there, then they can't either.

So our note writer might want to pick another place for dating instead of the library. Many of those people are perpetually on the layoff list, have no social skills or aspirations to move onward & really hate their lives since they work for tyrannical assholes who make proclamations on high about when to close in the event of bad weather but keep their butts inside their warm mansions while demanding the "peasants" to risk their lives to get home in blizzard conditions.

Don't make things worse for your library staff. You try "dating" there at your own risk; don't say I didn't warn you if you get beaned with a heavy book, splashed with a hose, smacked upside the head, have your ear ripped off or live some other painful consequence.

2. Obviously a man wrote this. Or a lesbian who's got no game at all. I'd think a lesbian would be more clever in date spots, prose & so forth. I'd also think a lesbian would include a picture of herself or a link to her website so the potential date could see her picture first. Plus, I don't think a lesbian would say "one nite stands only" on her flyer.

3. This seems like an awesome thing to do to someone you know who refuses to put in any effort to get a date but bitches about how (s)he doesn't have a significant other or even a friend with benefits. If that fake online dating profile or Craig's List personal ad doesn't work, I'm sure this could do the trick. You just want to watch out for those random homeless people & crazy folks that live in your neighborhood. They're a dime a dozen in NYC.

4. This is not someone with an education. I'm not trying to be elitist here, just honest. Do any of you educated women read this & think "Gee, this guy sounds awesome! Let me drop my drawers for him right now."? I could see some high school guy with this, maybe even a guy in college but if it's a 40 year old? You'd conclude he failed at life. Even a 30 year old doing this has probably failed at life in some way. Educated women I know of would want to go to an art museum, at least eat at Chili's or some nice sit down restaurant where you'd tip the wait staff, maybe even a bar for karaoke or cocktails. You certainly won't get the vegetarian and vegan crowd by going to the fast food places.

When I saw this, I not only laughed but suggested my husband do this for those socially awkward misfits he knows who complain about not having a woman but refuse to go anyplace where I or other women will be present. I may be attractive but I pointed out that they shouldn't be fearing me since I'm married & my husband's their friend. Plus, my husband has threatened bodily harm against guys he knows for even thinking about having an impure thought about me.

If any of you choose to contact this guy & go out with him, tell me how it goes. You have to wonder about someone who creates such a flyer. I mean, did the person do it himself or did someone else do it b/c they were sick & tired of some socially awkward or undesirable friend complaining or being a third wheel in their lives? Do it safely, though. Bring your friend who works as a bar bouncer (assuming you've got one).

Another thought: if this guy is a sexual predator, he's the most inept one I've ever seen. A really effective sexual predator would tell you about his villa in some warm, island location, how much money he's got & how he's going to shower you in diamonds and furs. He'd also have to mention his occupation & basically make sure to read some issues of Cosmopolitan to figure out just how to attract the maximum number of attractive women. I'm sure he'd also be making sure to be wonderful in bed so he could create some powerful cult where he controlled everyone with sex.

Say, wouldn't that be an interesting way to run a cult? You'd better be like that mega-perv I went to school with & have a ton of Viagra if you're getting on in years but I'm sure eventually we'll hear about some cult run by a guy who controlled people with sex. A tactic like this would also be a novel way to pick up recruits, don't you think?

Now, I'm going to sit in my apartment, watch the snow fall, stay warm & amuse myself in varied attempts to avoid the onset of cabin fever.

My Social Media Article in the New York County Lawyer, Another Job Rejection & What I'm Hearing From the Universe

Right before I left town, my article on social media was published in NYCLA's newsletter, New York County Lawyer. You can read it here. Go to page 12.

Did you notice that my title wasn't listed in the Table of Contents in the front? I did. I also want you to read the other articles in there. Then, read mine. Did you see the difference in writing style? It's unmistakeable. I also decided to tackle a viewpoint that's not being spouted by Career Builder, HR blog writers or anyone in the legal community.

After all, this blog is by design not written to impress anyone. Who I am in general is also not designed to impress anyone. I actually evolved from 7th grade; had I not done this, I'd have probably committed my own school shooting & been far more legendary as well as successful at it than those Columbine boys. They didn't have the advantage of "the smart kid" persona or being so beyond suspicion like I was. I don't recall them having insiders to help them in their attack whereas I was an insider & knew quite a few of them. Society & mankind as a whole are better off with me not spending my time trying to impress others.

You know what the consensus has been when I get feedback on this blog? It's been positive. In fact, a friend of mine told me a few days ago that I shouldn't dare change who I am or censor myself in this blog since that's what makes me interesting, special & will take me places in this life. This friend also said I lack confidence in myself since I was the perfect person to become Subcommittee Chair of Entertainment & Media at NYCLA. I mentioned that I was mostly shocked since I really don't put stock in the legal industry or the BigLaw establishment that governs most bar associations. Look at all the slights I've had with bar associations, comments I've endured (like the guy who remarked on my nail polish at the very first NYCLA event I went to & had traveled from New Haven to show up for), oversights like this lack of mention of my article on the Table of Contents as well as not getting credit for bringing in a colleague's short film into NYCLA's First Film Festival & "offended" veteran attorneys who get all butt hurt when I don't kiss their asses or refer to them as "Sir" or "Your Excellency!" Would you put any stock in a group that treated you that way?

These days, I'm getting more respect from the legal industry & bar associations (getting this position being one example) but I feel like it's still a work in progress. Planning my first event now & with a little help from some great, non-stuffy folks, I plan to make the bar association fit me and be welcoming to me + those like me who say the bar association isn't their scene (more details when it's confirmed & finalized). I'm also going to an event at City Bar next week to see if I can't keep inspiring new entrants to this field to be their damn selves instead of trying to impress old, stuffy, perma-adults who never went to a frat party (my freshman fling in college claimed he wouldn't go to one & said he'd only go to wine tastings), watched cartoons or did anything frivolous, even when they were babies. Not to mention plenty of them would sell folks out in a heartbeat. I say why give a shit about those people & what they think?

My friend does have a point, though. I'm not sure it's lack of self-confidence as much as lack of confidence in the public & people. Call it the Groucho Marx syndrome: the "I wouldn't join any club that would have me as a member" ethic. With all the whining & encouraging everyone to be miserable cretins like them, my attitude toward the populace couldn't be all that great. I even got a tattoo to commemorate that general feeling (though it was more specifically related to love).

Granted, I do have supportive people in my life & discovered I had more fans of me than I ever thought I did. I think I'll be taking his advice in the near future. The universe is kind of telling me to do that anyway.

I interviewed for yet another job opportunity (this time as a lawyer who was going to eventually be a business owner in a non-entertainment related business). I finally heard back on it after I figured it was going to be another case of an interviewer going MIA & making me want to see that business destroyed. Apparently, the position wasn't filled but the owners decided to seek out someone with business experience. I said "More than mine?" since you'd better believe I mentioned my company in that interview. The owner I talked to said "A different kind of experience."

No harm, no foul but it just confirms something I have finally truly come to grips with: I am not meant to have a full time day job that isn't related in some way to the entertainment industry & where I am not in charge.

Let's look at this from a logical standpoint:

1. The industry comes up everywhere I go, even in forums completely unrelated to it like Monday Night Law.
2. I got this leadership role in Entertainment & Media.
3. In all the years I've lived in NYC (and maybe we can include Connecticut as well since my only resume experiences there were from law school clinic work), no job I've looked at for a full time role has ever panned out. Interviewers disappeared, companies turned out to be scam operations or too shady for my tastes, freelance legal clients were unbearable, one legal position was filled with zero notice to me after I had an interview, that temp agency didn't pay me timely.

Other than that temp gig I've done a couple times & some freelance writing work, nothing has really panned out or lasted long term.

4. Most of my success has been from entertainment work/opportunities. Even that temp gig I did initially called for someone with acting experience so the person wouldn't sound like (s)he was reading from a script! Not everything I've done in the industry has worked out but my track record with it over the years has been much better than in things having zero to do with the business or any creative skills I have.
5. Most jobs being offered & probably all of them for attorneys require being a robot, exercising zero independent judgment and never thinking outside the box. The people who claim to want this stuff never follow up with me so you know they don't actually mean it.
6. To get most jobs, you have to become a robot or worry about impressing someone. I absolutely refuse to do that; I simply present a logical argument & get the information I need since I consider a job interview my evaluation of the interviewer as well.

Add it all up & it's pretty obvious the universe is yelling "You belong in this business, Angry Redheaded Lawyer! Things are going to work out for you so be patient & stop stressing about it!"

I also don't have the same verve or passion for things that don't relate to my business or give me some creative opportunity, name recognition, or prestige. At one point, I thought maybe I'd lost my ambition since I just don't have the same drive or interest in anything not related to my industry. Then I found I hadn't: I've just lost patience for the BS most people are more than happy to put up with in society for whatever reason. Is it bad that I lost this when I was still in my 20s (I think it was 28 or 29)?

Most of my family members died in their 60s or sooner so don't assume I'll have tons & tons of years to have to deal with any BS. My husband says that's not going to happen to me. Not sure about that but genetics don't favor me seeing my 80s. Granted maybe better access to medical care, a better diet & more means to pay for stuff could help. I'm also bigger on preventive medicine than some of my family members were though I'm not out popping pills over every little ailment. No abnormal germ phobias here.

Oh, and that show where I was playing a prostitute was delayed since the director had a mild heart attack. Maybe this wasn't the nicest thought & I wish for our director's speedy recovery but I couldn't help but think that if there'd been a younger assistant director around or we started doing projects by the younger members of the group, such things would be less likely to be an issue. I have written my own work before & let's face it, my generation isn't the sort to wait around a million years to get respect or be seen as worthy to do things we've been excelling at forever. These days, I'm thrilled to see more people not waiting for the old guard to give them opportunity & going out to get it for themselves. Even fast food workers are getting into the act. Personally, I haven't eaten it in years & have no plans to start eating it again. My cooking is much better & won't make me sick. Plus, in NYC, you might as well go elsewhere with the ungodly prices like the authentic NY pizza joints or independently owned diners. Supersize Me also may have influenced this decision but it was mostly lack of money & not liking the stomach sickness that came with eating it.

So, looking forward to my first event & entering my leadership tenure with style. It could become fucking EPIC & if it does, I'll be a very happy woman. I heard about that bar association's seeking entries for the Second Film Festival but then nothing happened. Gee, might have alienating me been a factor there? You know, the person who actually works within the industry & knows filmmakers? I hope it was since that would serve them right. My program will reflect me & my interests. If you know me, you won't be shocked.

My First NC Thanksgiving as a Married Woman, Some Travel Tips for the Non-Southerners & Life Updates

After over 6 years of marriage, I finally got to take my husband to NC for Thanksgiving dinner with my family. Seriously, because my husband has a worthless union and the same managers took the same holidays EVERY SINGLE YEAR since time began, we had no chance of me ever getting to see my family for a major holiday unless I went by myself.

I don't know about you but me personally, I feel that if you've got a spouse you actually care about you don't go off by yourself to see your family for the holidays. That's what I did when I was single & we were dating; it's a different story if you're happily married. I'd actually miss my husband & be very unpleasant to be around if I didn't get to spend a major holiday with him. Plus, I do tend to get hit on if I do things by myself & who needs that headache?

Finally, you can't underestimate the advantage of moral support if you're essentially a stranger in a strange land like I am in NC. Let me spend time around folk who aren't trying to play fashion police on me or demanding me to be an old frump for the sake of their kids.

Our journey takes place in the small town of Lexington, NC. My mom finally got her dream home out in the middle of nowhere but because of my sister's housing situation, we were placed in a hotel. This hotel was awesome & for more reasons than one.

For one thing, we got an upgrade to a suite since there were no rooms we had booked that were available for our full stay of one week. I called it the "rock star suite" since we had our own fold out couch & a table with chairs as well as a HUGE tub & shower in a decent sized bathroom (if you saw our bathroom at home & bathrooms in NYC generally, you'd agree with me on this). The water pressure there was also the best I've encountered at any hotel, probably better than what we have at home. Oh, and when they'd told my family they pride themselves on their cleanliness they weren't kidding. Our room was pristine!

They also had an eating facility that was open even when the local restaurants weren't. I didn't eat anything there but I liked the convenience factor. We were also near a dollar store, a grocery store, a few gas stations & a lot of stuff. You could feel the train come in on occasion but being on the third floor, it never bothered me in the morning. I only felt it once when my husband told me about it & I felt some shaking in the bed; it just felt like we had a vibrating bed for a moment.

One of my reasons for visiting was to see my niece & nephews. I'm childfree but I don't want these kids not knowing who I am or being influenced by me. I view it as one of my life duties to influence those kids. Heck, my niece looks just like me so as a rule she's got to have some influence from me. I told my mom & sister I'd be making sure my mini-me didn't let anyone push her around or treat her badly. She cried some but I'd find her making noise, talk to her and if she wasn't hungry or in the dark, she'd stop crying and just look at me. She'd also make some noise on occasion like she was trying to talk to me. Having a grown version of her apparently captivated her attention; at least, that's what my family told me.

My younger nephew, though, is totally my sister's kid in the sense that he's a screamer & largely non-verbal. He's sort of known as the problem child. My father's even started calling him "Chuckie" (from the Child's Play series if you don't get the reference; he's not a redhead or afraid of everything like the Rugrats character). Being around that kid & the constant screaming he did (forget my sister even going to the bathroom; he'd scream & bang on the door and stick his feet under like a cat) makes me even more staunchly childfree. He's getting checked out soon for his issues but being around small kids is STILL exhausting & my husband doesn't do well with screaming kids since he gets headaches from that stuff.

He spent more time with my sister's oldest kid, who's 9 & said I was his favorite. That kid is the one who apparently acts most like me since he's like a 20 year old living in a 9 year old's body. My husband was bugging him with tickle attacks & I said he should be nice to my nephew since he'll very likely be taller than my husband when he's a teenager. My sister's hoping for that anyway since she'd like a kid to play basketball for UNC-Chapel Hill.

My younger nephew might have a shot as a wrestler if he keeps his form & demeanor.

Let me tell you, visiting kids is not the same as having them & I'm more than happy to not deal with it. My mother even said that anyone trying to pressure me to have kids or who thought I should was stupid since I pointed out I couldn't handle what my sister is doing in caring for her 2 small kids. I wouldn't have the patience & those kids would end up wearing duct tape as a permanent fashion accessory. Give me a sick cat any day!

Years ago, I thought about what it would be like doing my sister's life instead of being in law school & I felt law school was much easier than being a single parent (this was shortly after her first husband died & my older nephew was himself a little kid, though not a screamer or as difficult).

Thanksgiving itself was fun. My husband got to have Honeybaked Ham (a tradition at my family's along with turkey, homemade pumpkin pie & so forth; he never gets it at any of his family members' homes) though he didn't get to have more Italian fare like we would if we'd gone to his parents' house instead. He also didn't have my mother complaining about cooking; she just got annoyed when she couldn't find things at the store & when the turkey didn't come out to suit her (thought I didn't have any issue with it & my older nephew told her it was good). Overall, my husband said he was thrilled to do Thanksgiving someplace else since he didn't have to deal with his family's drama. My family certainly has drama, don't get me wrong, though I didn't get into any big fights with my sister. My husband pointed this out to me later & said we'd matured. I said "No, I just didn't want to be an asshole having fights in the presence of my younger nephew." Consideration after my former friend decided to have her little outburst in front of her 4 year old.

Guess that brings one to the deadbeat report: basically, my former friend is still doing the same shit & her former husband has already found someone else. Good for him, except he's neglecting their kid & epitomizing the term "deadbeat dad." I don't think kids deserve to be blamed for the conduct of their parents or punished for their parents' sins, real or perceived. That's a huge reason I'll get nasty if you ask me things about my parents & use that to make judgements about me or my "status" in your eyes.

Imagine if we blamed everyone for what their parents did or the financial status/family name of their parents: most of us would be in prison & the permanent underclass would be much larger. At the very least, a lot of people would be societal outcasts. Just because someone's parents are scumbags doesn't mean that person became a scumbag as well. Some of us actually learned something from our childhood experiences & had as much contempt for things our parents did as anyone else. Some of us bothered to take steps NOT to be like our parents. I'm an individual, damn it! Judge me on my OWN merits, not that of my family members (especially the ones I don't even talk to or wouldn't piss on if they were on fire). That's how I judge others.

We also got to spend time with my husband's aunt & uncle. This was fun since we didn't go anyplace featuring heavy, greasy food and on Friday, got to go to a tea. It was my first actual one (unless you count the one I planned for my sorority with some help from the member who came up with the idea in the first place; I was told I did a good job, though I felt the credit should have gone to the previous Collegiate/Alumnae Liaison who'd suggested it & graduated before she could execute it). The food & tea were great and the venue was fantastic; in fact, I'd like to do it again sometime.

So, if you're going to travel to the South here are some tips:

1. Try to avoid taking the toll road if you can. Yes, there's a way to get there from NYC without having to pay tolls after leaving NYC. You can't really do this in the winter time but in the spring or summer, you will want to handle it this way.

2. The cuisine in the South is VERY heavy & greasy. Seriously, if you didn't grow up there or you're going after being away from there for years you're going to feel it. I have when I've gone back. There are things I really can't eat anymore or have to eat in limited quantities.

This probably answers the question of why so many Southerners are hell bent on controlling the sex lives of others: little children as well as greasy cuisine are massive libido killers. It made me wonder how I managed to have a functional sex life when I lived down there. Maybe it's because I lived in Atlanta so I had more options. Or my body had adapted to being in all this pain on frequent occasions. Funny thing is once you're down there a while, your body can adapt to it.

However, if you can I strongly suggest getting home cooking. It's less greasy unless, of course, everyone you know who cooks down there drowns everything in lard. When I had Thanksgiving dinner, my stomach didn't feel so bad like it had when we'd had to live off food we got from many places down there. Try to find the non-greasy fare if you can't get home cooking.

3. Make sure you get a hotel room that has a fridge & at least a microwave. I would have liked an oven but at least we could go to the grocery store & get some staples so we didn't have to eat out every single day. When you're a kid, eating out everyday sounds like a good idea. In reality, though, you will start to feel like crap after about 2-3 days. If you don't, you've either got a cast iron stomach or some kind of weird health condition I think I'd rather not know about.

I guess part of my experience is my whole prior baggage of living there. Maybe I'd view the area differently if I hadn't grown up there & had the childhood I did.

Oh, and if you saw my article in the latest New York County Lawyers newsletter, thanks for reading. If you didn't, go here & find it on page 12.

I also got named to be the Subcommittee Chair of Entertainment & Media for the eMIPS committee there (which is short for Entertainment, Media, Intellectual Property & Sports). This came as a total shock since I figured an unconventional type like me had no chance but apparently that whole thing worked this time. Shocked? I certainly am since I'm not the typical bar association leader & it sort of epitomizes my whole making the field fit me instead of conforming to someone else's rules.

I'm using it to my advantage & have my own ideas for things. Just have to talk to some more of my creative peeps before I formalize what I have. As far as I'm concerned, you don't assume what people want & should ask directly. I know what I've seen & how I want to make my mark so instead of making assumptions on what people want or need, I figured it was better to ask directly. Lawyers are in a service industry & if you're in a service industry, you're supposed to be giving the people what THEY want. If you don't, you're messing up big time & will screw yourself in the long run.

Retailers who don't have what I want or listen to my feedback? I don't waste my time on them. This isn't rocket science; it's common sense. We have the Internet & I have happily gone there to buy things I'd buy at a local store if they only bothered to carry them (like a long skirt slip I needed for this long white skirt I have that's totally see through otherwise). Plus, you can't complain if you're part of the problem.

Now to follow up on this job opportunity I interviewed for, do some writing tasks & generally get used to being back in my home with my kitty and in my city. One sign that you belong somewhere is that when you come back, you feel like kissing the ground & hugging people out of happiness. We'll see if my cynicism will still be warranted or not. At the very least, I have a game plan if I didn't get that opportunity.

Don't Eat Before Going on A Chocolate Tour, Educating New Lawyers & Other Musings

Oh, who the hell am I kidding. This entire blog is my musings! These are just going to cover more of what I've done recently.

First off, my book review for Hello Kitty Must Die was just published in the latest NYCLA newsletter (the New York County Lawyer). Go to page 14 to read it. That whole nearly missing my train did actually happen when I was reading this book. I was reading the book as my train had stopped & realized that we were at the stop I needed to get off at to catch my next train. It was one of those "Oh, shit" moments though I could have gotten to my stop if I'd missed that one. It just would have been more annoying to get to that freelance gig. I was actually early in the book when that happened.

Oh, and what you're thinking is happening in the first chapter is totally happening. That reference will either fly right over your head or make you laugh your ass off like I did after writing it. I like to think this particular selection for a book review is unique since it's not the sort of book that only lawyers would want to read. It also is anything but bland or boring.

Perhaps this is yet another example of why I should not teach since I'd be making things interesting by picking the books where sex, violence, all the "forbidden" but captivating stuff happens. I believe history & many things in general come alive if you can relate them to people's real life, day to day experience. I know I was never interested in classes or discussions that didn't have some of the zeitgeist of today in them. Translation: make things relate to ME & my life if you want me to care about your subject. Passion also never hurts.

Speaking of passion, I went to the law student's welcoming reception yesterday at City Bar in an official capacity. Apparently despite my doing nothing for the ending of my term in the Entertainment Committee this year, I'm still on the membership roster. My purpose in going was to be honest & show that City Bar is not a place where stuffiness has to rule. It may be the majority opinion but that's not to say you can't make bar associations fit you if you aren't the stereotype. If I've managed to get some acceptance with these bar associations & make them fit ME, what's to stop anyone else from doing the same thing?

After all, I got thrown into the mix by nomination; I didn't seek things out so I do have a legit argument for demanding acceptance for who I am.

It seems my approach was a good one since I had law students & grads talking to me and asking me insightful questions. I was honest since first off, I'm not a shill & if you want me to be one you'll have to pay me and I'll have to at least be neutral about your cause. If I'm violently opposed to your cause/purpose/mission, there's not enough money in the world for me to lie about it. You can at best buy my silence but that does not make a good shill. I also noticed people walking up to me as I spoke to one or two people; maybe I was that interesting?

Second, a friend of mine is forming a new bar association & I did see some disaffected folk. I made a specific mention to one person who approached me & totally struck me as just the sort of person we could appeal to.

Third, I told people things I'd have liked to know when I came in as a new lawyer. I really didn't have mentoring & still feel like the only mentoring I'm really going to get will be through my own methods via committee (since I've never met one person who's doing every single thing I'm doing & has the same status with folk).

Finally, I'm just not a liar. I would hate someone doing that to me so I believe in not lying to folk who didn't start trouble or cause problems with me. Those people deserve the benefit of the doubt & my honesty.

For my own committee, I touted networking since that's something I've found useful. When you're one of the youngest members someplace & you're asked about an attorney in an area different from yours while in a committee with many established attorneys (way more established than you) who are in those different areas, you can start seeking referrals. I've even referred people from this committee when asked about an area that I knew someone in the committee did. Because of them being in the committee & my mostly dealing with creative types, I figure the folk I recommend are at least receptive to creative people and won't be assholes to them.

Point blank, if I like you & remember you for a certain area that comes up in conversation you're likely to get a potential client from me. I've done this for Twitter followers as well so if you follow me on Twitter & are tolerant of my views (or at least my 1st Amendment right to speak), that puts you ahead in my book. Being an ass to me means you won't be getting a referral & I'll steer folk away from you if it comes up in conversation.

I figured the networking angle would be effective since the people being there obviously had some interest in it, everyone wants to network (at least if you've got a brain, you do) & newer attorneys definitely need to be doing it. If you're a business owner, you absolutely must do it or get a partner who is willing to do it or you're going to fail. Even the established ones have to adapt with the times, have backups for if people retire, die, etc. Contacts also come in handy for vetting (which you do a lot of in entertainment).

Plus, I like the fact that being on that committee is an informal means to meet people & earn their respect without having to be a Rhodes Scholar on an issue.

Today, I had that make-up day for the chocolate tour. Oh, my God! It was worth it. It was through Celebrity Planet & this thing is typically booked through forever & a day but last week's tour guide was kind enough to reschedule me for a close date.

A big part of this tour is samples & getting desserts from places you'd normally have to wait in long lines for (such as Magnolia Bakery, which is apparently well know from Sex & the City; I watched it with my former friend in NC in blocks & couldn't tell you what episode anything in NYC was featured since I had to forget things from there to do writing, not to mention the whole negative association with the former friend).

Normally, this tour is $50 per person but I got a discounted rate through Living Social (you've got to love those deal websites when the vendor takes the voucher & isn't a dick). Deal websites = a frugal person's best friend.

As part of the tour, you get chocolate samples & dessert samples. We were getting free cupcakes from Magnolia & figured they might be tiny, specifically smaller samples than what you'd normally get.

Oh, no. These were HUGE, FULL cupcakes. Chocolate with chocolate buttercream icing. They were good. No, not just good. Incredibly fucking good!! However, eating my cupcake did make me full. We also got free cookies at Milk & Cookies (again expected a small portion). Nope, we got still warm double chocolate chip cookies that were also incredibly fucking good. I had to eat mine gradually as we were going to the next stop.

After that, it became the pig tour for me. Also got the best cannoli in NYC (literally, this bakery's chef beat Bobby Flay in a cooking throw down). You can find this at Pasticceria Bruno in the Village.

On top of chocolate pieces from super fancy chocolate (and we're talking quality, meaning it's very filling), I'm still full as I write this at 10 at night. Only a little hunger is peeking through. Imagine if I'd gone last week after eating lunch before hand. I'd have died & the experience would have been wasted on me.

We also got a special bonus in our tour: while at a different site, we met a woman who's family owned the space downstairs. Since we were on the tour & had lots of samples of sea salt chocolate (which I also like & our tour guide said she could have some), she offered to give us a tour to the backyard gardens in the building. I took pictures & our tour guide said it was the first time he's ever gotten to see any. The steps are just very narrow & I had to watch my head to get down there. Getting that glimpse of old NYC was a great added highlight.

While on this tour, I also got a flyer for yet another sample sale right in Soho so after the tour ended I stopped by there. I saw one item I'm a maybe on since I actually could use it but I'm not wild about the price (less than $100) & don't know if it's something I ought to go for or not. I asked the sales person how long they were going to be there but she didn't know. I tried on some things to try & get my size in Calvin Klein so I'd know for ordering purposes (apparently, I'm also a 2 there).

This was actually my first food tour ever & my first walking tour. Some great hints for tours:

1. They aren't just for tourists. Most of my group lived in NYC, Jersey or the surrounding area. I wasn't aware of some of these places so now I have resources to get food or find recommendations for others. I collected business cards so I would remember addresses though I'm also going to write online reviews (since I had the food, I can technically do that).

2. You probably won't enjoy a chocolate tour unless you're a chocoholic or at least the type who can't have too much chocolate in life. I might not be able to eat tons of chocolate in a sitting but I don't think I'd ever get sick of it & never want to see it again. After all, I'm a former Godiva employee & didn't get sick of chocolate after working there. Nor did I get fat from it; I think my weight stayed the same.

3. Don't eat before you go!!! My stomach was growling but I had a few Wheat Thins before leaving the house. This was just the right amount of food & that was as I was rushing out to try to get to the train so I wouldn't miss the rescheduled tour.

4. Wear your comfortable shoes if it's a walking tour. We did a lot of walking & I am definitely feeling it still.

5. Finally, if it's sunny out & you're in the sun wear some sunblock (especially if you burn like I do). That probably saved me from killer sunburn today.

I definitely feel like I got my money's worth here. Go if you can.

What Does Being a "Hip" Lawyer REALLY Mean?

Seriously, I want to know. I saw this ad recently:

Hip Lawyer Please (TriBeCa)

Date: 2012-05-11, 12:49PM EDT
Reply to: xsmc2-3009506645@job.craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]


Law office seeks motivated attorney to work with our foreign artists and creatives in attaining their work visas to the USA. We offer a boutique small firm environment, lack of dress code, informality and reject the corporate model to law firms, (lawyers are stiff enough)..

The most important qualities we are looking for are;
1 -strong, efficient and attentive writing skills,
2 -creativity and ability to work independently
3 -have an ear to the ground in regard to trends, fashion, culture and arts
4. an ability to incorporate their "hipness" (for lack of a better word) into our work, which is mostly persuasive writing and research

The position would be part time to begin (at least twice a week) as we determine the effectiveness of the role with real potential for advancement if results met and growth continues. Please send a resume/CV and a short explanation of why you feel you would be a good fit given our needs.


Compensation: hourly, commensurate with experience
This is a part-time job.
Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

PostingID: 3009506645

Due to the nature of what I do & the fact that Craig's List is rife with scammers, I NEVER send personal details in responding to ads unless I've gotten the poster's personal details first. For one thing, there's vetting concerns. Second, I don't want someone asking me for entertainment advice (certainly not for free) or to pass a script to someone I know. I have far too much respect for my colleagues to bother them with such crap. Third, I don't want someone trying to establish a personal connection with me that I might not want to have. I network very carefully & don't deal with losers. I've also seen way too much BS (as you can read in prior entries) to take anyone seriously unless they actually answer my questions & follow MY directions.

If you're an employer who doesn't get this, then you're not one I want to deal with anyway. I evaluate you just as much as you evaluate me. Trust me, if you'd lived some of my experiences you'd do the very same thing.

In short, you can't be overly trusting of total strangers.

I've not heard anything from this one & while I may be a bit cynical as well as pessimistic, I think I'm probably right when I think I won't at all.

Here's why:

It's my theory that when a law firm says they want a "cool" or "hip" lawyer, they don't really want a cool or hip lawyer. To me, it feels just like what colleagues in the entertainment field have said about film execs who say they want something "different" but what they REALLY mean is "something that will make money but is different enough to not be a knock off of some already popular, money making film."

In the case of these firms, I think they mean they want someone who's still vanilla, bland & boring but keeps up with technology and watches television. If they really wanted "hip," I'd be hearing something. I challenged people I knew to find me a lawyer in NYC who is hipper than me. Someone who's got their own humorous rant blog, says some of the things I say, could care less about impressing anyone & defies lawyer stereotypes in the same manner I do. I've yet to find that person. If I did, that person would have to be my friend by default. I'll guarantee you none have made the sort of impression I make. People know me by my hair.

I found out at a NYCLA networking event I went to a while back that I was being identified as a redhead. That & working in the entertainment field. I'd also dare you to find someone less impressed with hierarchy or sucking up to other attorneys.

Am I right about this definition of "hip" for lawyers? I haven't personally talked to some lawyer or firm soliciting for such people but can tell you than when I see those ads & challenged them on that by responding, no one ever responded. That leads me to think that the poster is either a total liar or a moron. Neither category is a good place to be. Plus, I feel like in some cases this blog's a good screening tool. If you can't take someone who has opinions and a mind of their own + bothers to express them since silence is the same as condoning shadiness, I don't want to work with you or even know you. Save that crap for someone who doesn't mind being treated like a 5 year old. I'm not that person.

My Love/Hate Relationship With The Legal Field

I feel that way about a lot of it. One of NYCLA's committees and the Cardozo School of Law Indie Film Clinic folk are shining examples.

There are things I like about NYCLA:

1. Cheaper CLE courses
2. Cheaper membership fees & more flexible terms for the unemployed
3. More dedication to get with modern times & actually use technology instead of just hopping on the bandwagon
4. Some great staff, including Stewart Aaron, who I know through the City Bar Entertainment Committee. He even contributed to my company's latest attempt at crowd funding though the campaign ultimately failed. In short, he rocks!
5. Perhaps a bit more accessibility to higher ups than to people at City Bar
6. I've been told this one is also more progressive in ideas & open to new things than City Bar; I see some of that

Here's what I really don't like: the total lack of respect. I found out that NYCLA's Art Committee is seeking entries for the 2nd Annual Film Festival. I submitted some films last year; 2 were shown & 1 was told her film would be shown in the spring (because last year, the festival was in the Fall).

My friend whose film was supposed to be shown in the Spring never heard a word from them again. I even asked today to make sure; never heard a damn thing.

While there was a whole article in there lauding one particular film I don't recall seeing as part of this series, there was no mention of any plans to screen her film & it did have a legal theme. To my knowledge, no one even told her they'd changed their minds.

This just pisses me off since first off, it comes on top of having to complain when I was not given credit for submitting the initial short film that came in (whose application I personally sent in for the filmmaker I nominated). My company got a decent welcome & treatment when we came in the next month but I have to wonder if it's because I threatened to pull us out of there after not getting recognized for nominating the first film that I got into the series.

The total snubbing of my friend really makes me look back & wonder about that.

Second, it's disrespect to me. I'm putting my neck out there & vouching for this organization to MY contacts, who don't know this place from anywhere else. Many of my contacts have things you're never going to see in some mainstream theater. They have art & I don't vouch for folk who don't have talent or a product I like.

As for more disrespect to me, I was told that the Indie Film Clinic at Cardozo would be considering attorneys to volunteer there this past fall.

Okay, first off I've been in the indie film game for 4 years at my own company!! I've been doing things that most attorneys don't get to do & I'm perceived in a way they aren't: I'm not just some lawyer in a suit (good luck finding one that doesn't look frumpy on me). I'm a creative person MYSELF & have cred for it--I never even had to ask anyone to see my creative works. I actually know how to talk to creative types & make things clear without the legalese or elitist attitude.

I'm actually IN that world! I'm not some outsider looking in. I know the fucking culture, something I really don't see the average law firm attorney having! Most of you aren't going to have executive knowledge.

As I know law schools are obsessed with GPA, law review participation & where you went to law school (despite the head of this clinic saying they would look at one's practical experience in selection choices), it seems to me that you're not going to get effective help here if you're an indie filmmaker.

I've never recommended it to anyone & I still won't. Indie filmmaking continues to change & what worked 10 years ago doesn't necessarily work today (this was even stated by the presenter at my Aspiring Filmmakers' Bootcamp, himself a well known indie filmmaker). Unless you're a lawyer who actually has some creative cache in the business (prior or current experience in an entertainment role, close friends within it, etc.), you don't know shit about getting that client trust & respect. Hollywood is also very different from the indie world. I don't know of many attorneys in law firms who'd bother to research the indie film culture & I don't mean "indie" like the movie aired on IFC. I'm speaking of true, underground indie that most people don't know about & you have to actually FIND to know about.

Who else finds something wrong with an indie film clinic where an attorney that actually WORKS in the indie film industry as executive + lawyer is not being contacted to get involved? That elitist BS doesn't fly in my world. No one cares about your Harvard law degree & if you bring it up, you'll be announcing yourself as a privileged douchebag who can't help the average indie filmmaker. No one's cared about where I went to law school & used it as a basis for my worth as a person like attorneys will do to others.

Hearing about these examples, you can see where my loyalties lie & why they lie where they do. I'm all about my creative/entertainment people, at least the ones who aren't jerks to me or completely unprofessional. Seems that's a much smaller number than the amount of attorneys who have disrespected me.

My involving legal stuff in anything is usually out of the desire to help my entertainment people, not legal organizations (individual attorneys are a different story since I never refer people I despise). While I think the President of NYCLA is awesome & would say the same about some people within that association, I don't really want to join the LinkedIn groups or follow them on Facebook or anything. To me, that sort of thing feels like a public validation of "you're cool." I just can't do that, especially with this disregard to my friend & to me. I can't do it for City Bar either.

I think the concept of an indie film legal clinic is a good one but that clinic should be headed by attorneys with actual entertainment industry experience who know that personality (including motivation) & experience trumps law school BS that only means something to clueless morons who deserve the incompetence they get from hiring based on such standards (I'm talking to you, BigLaw). Academics & BigLaw refugees who don't have entertainment experience should stay out of leadership roles unless they can drop the snottiness & elitism of those worlds + learn the indie culture. That's the only way such a clinic stands a chance of being effective & encouraging the desired clientele to show up.

Crap like this fuels me to surpass them professionally & personally. One day, these assholes will be clamoring to talk to me & I will have only two words to say. You can guess what they are.

Squeaky Wheels, People. Squeaky Wheels!

That is clearly how you get things done in life: being a squeaky wheel. Being a squeaky wheel does NOT mean being insulting people or calling them names. It means not allowing people to walk on you if you're being mistreated or not getting something you paid for. It means asserting yourself calmly & trying to explain things in a way that people will want to help you.

Imagine my shock when I got a call today from the rep I'd spoken to at Michael Ginarais' office. I was skeptical that they were going to do much; after all, I've seen many a government worker & political office worker brush off me as well as others I helped. I do remember dealing with the would-be lobbyist & getting political doublespeak. I know platitudes when I see them, and I've certainly seen my fair share of them. I also have a very cynical view of government & politics to begin with. So I felt like I was being fed a platitude & they weren't really going to take action. Some people hand out platitudes like candy & con others into thinking they are sincere when they really aren't. I'm not sure if the lawyer thing has anything to do with it or maybe that I'm just a loudmouth who'll remind you that you can't treat me like some smelly fart. Ignoring me doesn't make me go away. That will just make me madder.

The rep I spoke to was helpful, gave me useful information & a direct method of contact in case I had future trouble. We also had our 4th Verizon tech arrive & find a problem no one else had. I'm hoping this will be the end of our little rain problem but I guess I won't know this until it rains. Thus far, I haven't lost my service again so that's good. I also had a very busy day yesterday. I attended a financial conference that a Twitter follower was conducting & invited me to. I wasn't sure I qualified as an investor but as I do have a business that should eventually get financing & an interest in doing more investing (because maybe you are one if you have a CD with a bank?), I figured since I was invited I may as well go since I could learn something new that might be practical for my business or for personal investing.

One significant observation: people at this event were much friendlier to me as a stranger than attorneys would be. People actually SPOKE to me & I networked. At lawyers events that aren't "networking events," you're lucky to get a "hello" from an attorney that doesn't know you. I went to a Vault Career Fair a few years back & there was a lunch with it.

This event also had a lunch where you sat with people at a table. The difference is people at this event actually spoke to me and we learned about what each other's work & involvement in the financial industry. I'm also glad to know that there are firms that advise corporations on making sure they are complying with proper corporate governance (such as making sure they have the proper number of independent directors on their boards) & that corporations use them.

I also didn't feel a vibe of snobbery & elitism like most people would expect. That vibe is something I pick up on quickly since I've experienced it so much & I know what I'm looking for.

At lunch, one person said my job was more interesting that hers but I pointed out that the downside is I don't get the financial security since my company's not financed. This is very true: if you work in entertainment, you're not going to get rich unless you're extremely passionate, motivated & willing to work for yourself. You have to seek out opportunities & work much harder than someone with a steady income and company. You'd expect people to immediately back away from me after that but it didn't happen.

The speakers also struck me as being human beings first & foremost i.e. approachable. Not something you'd expect or see much of. I also wasn't in dressy attire while most of the people attending were. I generally won't do that since I don't have to; I'm not here to put on airs or impress folks in that way. We're not in court & if there's no dress code, why shouldn't I dress for basic comfort?

Contrast this with me going to lawyer events that aren't formal networking events, especially if no one I know from a bar committee is there: you can feel the elitism & self-importance in the room. Only more recently have I felt truly comfortable at the bar associations I currently belong to. I still feel distant from folk there sometimes but that could because I'm doing something so different, even compared to other entertainment lawyers. I have much more confidence about it after higher ups in these places have told me to just be myself & meeting people who make me feel less like an outcast or an oddball. Even so, if I'm at an event where someone I know isn't there no one bothers to talk to me so I feel like "Why am I here?"

Bar associations could really take a lesson from sororities when it comes to integrating new members (mine, at least since I can't speak for others). They should view it as entertaining guests in your home & trying to make those guests feel comfortable. In sorority recruitment, you were not allowed to leave potential new members alone for the entire time they were attending your premises; the members had to talk to all of them & be gracious, even if you felt that girl had no business trying to pledge your house (ideally, you had multiple sisters talking to each girl so you could get a gauge of the girl's fit for your chapter). There was a basic standard of politeness expected that I imagine is still the norm today. I think making that effort would really help since not everyone can, in a psychological sense, go approach a group of strangers.

I do have to compliment one of my colleagues who is the president of one of these bar associations (NYCLA) since he does attend events & makes himself accessible to everyone, not just the seasoned members or the most high profile lawyers. The best things about the Vault Career Fair: the swag & networking with one of the lawyers representing a firm seeking applicants. Apparently, he'd been trying to pick me up while I was trying to network.

The other observation from this financial conference: I'm not as ignorant on matters of finance as I thought I was. I had some knowledge of what was being said & I could understand some of it. Taking Business Organizations in law school paid off!

Oh, and they also had some nice swag.

To finish out the day, I decided to go to my first community board meeting. Remember this whole Verizon debacle & how I said it seems I'm going to have to get involved in political matters reluctantly? I did.

One thought, though: is it just me or are forums where the public or others can advocate for their rights deliberately held in locations that are public transit nightmares? My husband's union meetings, for instance, are held in a location where it's a pain in the ass to get there unless you've got a car. I wonder how many people usually attend with that. I can't help but wonder if that's some kind of ploy to keep people from exercising their rights or using their voice. It wouldn't shock me if it was. See the cynical thoughts that come to my head? Not sure you can blame that on my being a lawyer.

Anyhow, I did go & turned out to be a good decision. For one thing, they have public comment at the beginning of the meeting. I was happy to see this since you normally hear about it being at the end & we all know what happens at the end of a meeting: people leave or zone out & won't listen to you. I never like to perform last in a show if others are doing what I'm doing (singing or acting). I got to speak first since the person signed up ahead of me wasn't present.

I was able to eloquently make my point in less than 3 minutes & learned that the chairman along with others in the room had had the same problem with Verizon. I also met members of the community board, one of whom introduced me to another attorney who as it turned out is the spouse of a manager my husband worked with at one point. I warned hubby that if I meet managerial folk from his job, I'd directly ask them about the whole promotions issue & why my husband is not being properly utilized. Everyone knows it's best not to have me meet the library's HR folk because I'll let them have it as the person in charge of HR in my own business (informally but I'm the only lawyer & I've done the interviews for positions that didn't require creative judgments). Same for that library director: I'll take him to task since he deserves it & screwing with my family means you're screwing with me.

Hopefully, the Verizon issue was resolved but I appreciate getting the help and information. It certainly may still be time for a block association considering that abandoned house sitting there & possibly now being a druggie hangout. I did also get the sense that the community board did try to help folk & cared about what was going on. My husband wants to go to the next meeting.

So, a lesson: bother your politicians & go to your community board meetings. Then you can complain about corruption & make an educated decision in casting votes. Squeaky wheels & all that. Plus, getting in people's faces will show them that their constituents are watching & will not let them forget if they screw up or don't take action on some major issue.

However, what I'm not sure is available but would love to see as a smartphone app is an app where you can find out about all your local campaigns, go to all the campaign websites & learn about the campaign contributions accepted by each candidate. There are websites for the campaign contribution monies but I don't know of any one set place where you can learn about everyone running for local office & what their platforms are on major issues, including how they would solve problems within the realm of the office. This could give an edge to candidates with less money, especially if they aren't taking corporate "bribes", appearing in TV ads or invited to televised debates, late night talk shows, etc.

Say, Buddy Roemer who seems like one of the only Republicans who isn't a woman hating, lunatic fringe scumbag who constantly makes "gaffes" and either needs or has had a lobotomy. I wouldn't trust most of the media darling GOP candidates to manage a piggy bank, much less a whole country.