Goodbye, Church Lady Stuff & "Non-Sexist" Gifts

When I was trying to put insoles in my heeled boots for my show performance (discovered I already had some in there but used them in a different pair of heels), I decided to do something my husband had been bugging me to do for ages: clean out my shoes & closet!

Now, with all my talk of clothes you probably think I own 100 pairs of shoes at least. Nope, not even close. I own less than 30. Most of those shoes weren't even bought or selected by me, in fact. I also have a decent amount of clothing that wasn't bought or selected by me. This is despite being the oldest in my family: my mother managed to get hand me downs from other people's older kids. My mother's resourcefulness is legendary, to say the least. She probably inadvertently taught me how to persuade others & definitely taught us how to stand on our own two feet.

As an actress/creative type, I've been big on having diversity in my clothing. I don't fit one style or one type & have different moods. You can't just stick me in one box or say "Oh, she'd never wear THAT!" I've done many things in life & you never know when that evening gown or cheerleader outfit will come in handy. I've bought dresses I just liked the look of & then wore them to events later on, leading to raves over it. My eye for dressing myself is something I take pride in & it doesn't seem to have dulled at this point.

Another thing about my clothing: I bought a lot of it in the late 90s since I didn't have to pay for car insurance & couldn't get other things. At that time, there were apparently more retailers selling "Made in the USA," including JcPenney (where I worked in high school & got a 40% discount on anything I could wear to work). Style differences aside, a lot of my things aren't replaceable.

I have one definitive church lady dress that I wouldn't getting rid of since it epitomizes the frumpiness of that style & you never know when you might need such an outfit. What if I had to play a fundie or pretend to be one?

However, I noticed that I had other dresses I didn't need & that were too big. One was this dress with red roses that I bought my replacement for (the replacement is a short cocktail dress I wore on the extra gig where Method Man was apparently present). I actually got my replacement so I could get rid of that one since it's now too big on me.

I also found this dress I have in a color design I love but the style doesn't work. It's also too big & when I wore it, I had gaps in the front where you could see my bra. If you saw it, you would definitely think of one of those church revival broadcasts from the late '80s or early '90s.

I might be the first skinny person in history who was never remotely overweight & has to get rid of things she got in middle & high school because they're now too big on her. I've aged & gotten thinner; what the Hell?!?!

I was ultimately motivated to get rid of certain things for a few reasons:

A) How many church lady outfits do I really need? I mean, I don't go to church & have no real desire to do so.

We're not talking business casual clothing or stuff you could wear in an office or the courtroom. I'm talking things that when you look at them, you immediately think of some televangelist's wife or older daughter.

B) I didn't pick out this stuff or buy it for myself. What's my compulsion with keeping things that arguably aren't really in my style or aesthetic?

C) I'm not a little kid anymore. I've also started a new regime where I act as me for any audience. I don't do what some of these Dear Prudence letter writers do & "act on my best behavior" around in-laws or let them tell me how to dress, otherwise attempting to infantalize me. No, thank you! I would never be married to a man whose family did that to me. I had enough of it in my own household with my own mother.

So if I've adopted the "accept me for me or go fuck yourself" ethic, why keep things that have no relevance to it? Who am I trying to impress or please? No one.

Seriously, I wonder what the hell is wrong with women who put up with that shit? If my in-laws made me call them "Mr." & "Mrs.," I would make them call me "Ms." and "Esquire/Attorney at Law/Counselor." Same for everyone else, in fact. Celebrities included.

If you make me call you "Mr." or "Mrs./Ms.," you have to call me "Ms." and refer to me as "Esquire/Attorney at Law/Counselor." I can be a prick too & will sharply rebuke you if you demand me to use formality while you try using my first name, which is informal! I'm married but "Ms." is my preferred title. Save the "Mrs." for formal events (ideally where you're including my spouse) or for when I look like an old lady.

NEVER refer to me as "Mrs. [Husband's first name][Husband's last name]" if you are not from my husband's family or someone we know well since I will brand you a sexist for making me an accessory on my husband's relationship charm bracelet vs. an independent person with opinions, feelings, preferences, etc.

Asking for formality tends to mean you will not have a warm or authentic relationship with someone. Granted, this comes from a woman who never had to call anyone "Mr." or "Mrs." or use other titles unless the person was a teacher or a school administrator at her school.

My mother taught us that respect is earned, not given just because you've managed to live on this planet longer than we have. We met some very shitty adults in my childhood who were not worthy of respect & my mother basically told us we didn't have to respect them. I hope my sister continues to raise her kids with that critical eye toward "respect your elders." Her oldest son has already done us proud with that one since he's called out BS by adults at the age of 9.

D) It doesn't fit! Am I keeping this stuff so if I gain a little weight, I don't have to go completely naked?

E) Then, finally, I've never worn it. If I haven't worn it after having it 10+ years, why am I still keeping it?

There was also the corollary of "God, this is so uncomfortable on me!" as for why I haven't worn something. Age does not make a pair of shoes more comfortable on your feet.

So it makes me feel better to get rid of some things. Asked my neighbor if she wanted anything & some of the clutter got out that way. Now I just have to find a place for a very conservative bridesmaid dress & 4 pairs of size 8 shoes (two of them open toed). I can take some of it to Bottomless Closet, a non-profit that provides business clothing to women in NYC. I like their concept, they have their financials out in the open for you & I donated there before without hassle or BS. Perhaps it's also a weight off my psyche & saying "Hey, I'm an adult now & I don't have to impress or hide from anybody!"

I also got information recently about an attempt to create a list of "non-sexist Christmas gifts" from UltraViolet, a progressive organization that deals with women's issues.

Personally, I feel sexism is in the eye of the beholder. We had Barbies but we never played "Barbie goes to the prom" or "Math is hard" Barbie. Barbie was a domestic abuser who beat Ken & our other dolls in our world. She was pretty much Satan in our world & everyone had to flee from her. Yeah, this might give you some insight on how we grew up except my father wasn't a domestic abuser (a fact he touted many times, in fact, especially if you talked about his drinking). My mother even said that she would leave my father if he ever laid a hand on her & reminded us that "they always go to sleep." Our 99.9% female cast were strong women who stood up for themselves & their kids. Playing Barbie in this way, I don't think you could say we were corrupted into some sexist thinking or mores; Barbie might not have been a great person but she certainly wasn't a weakling! I'm also the oldest & my parents wanted me to be a boy; they never seemed disappointed though, maybe because some of my behavior is more traditionally masculine than feminine like being the responsible one and standing up for myself all the time.

Sexism is something you learn from the home environment, parenting in particular. We didn't really learn that since my mother had to do almost everything out of necessity. She had maybe 1/2 a parent to work with at best because of my father's alcoholism & at one point, she was a single parent since they separated.

Barbie is not the old blackface figurines from yesteryear, where just looking at them evokes the racism. Even if you look at a Barbie objectively, I don't think you'd find sexism there. I guess me also being thin colors that view but it's my opinion.

When I got information about it, I felt like "Can't we just have gifts? Can't we just BE?" We got toy cars as kids as well since my father is a car enthusiast (and my sister also has some interest there). I feel like a cigar is just a cigar & what you do with things or how you use them is what counts vs. the presence of a toy. I would certainly never say "Oh, my niece can't have a Barbie doll because of the 'math is hard' Barbie." You have to watch how kids are playing and go from there. I also believe in learning by showing vs. telling someone to do or not do something.

I refuse to go around thinking about sexist implications of gifts. This is an example of one of those instances where I think some people are being too feminist for their own good & fussing over the wrong issues. There's no need to shove men down or make everyone live in drudgery when life is hard enough already with the things you can't control. Conduct bothers me a trillion times more than a Barbie ever would. I say get the damn gift that will make your recipient happy & stop telling kids what they want to have!

My Social Media Article in the New York County Lawyer, Another Job Rejection & What I'm Hearing From the Universe

Right before I left town, my article on social media was published in NYCLA's newsletter, New York County Lawyer. You can read it here. Go to page 12.

Did you notice that my title wasn't listed in the Table of Contents in the front? I did. I also want you to read the other articles in there. Then, read mine. Did you see the difference in writing style? It's unmistakeable. I also decided to tackle a viewpoint that's not being spouted by Career Builder, HR blog writers or anyone in the legal community.

After all, this blog is by design not written to impress anyone. Who I am in general is also not designed to impress anyone. I actually evolved from 7th grade; had I not done this, I'd have probably committed my own school shooting & been far more legendary as well as successful at it than those Columbine boys. They didn't have the advantage of "the smart kid" persona or being so beyond suspicion like I was. I don't recall them having insiders to help them in their attack whereas I was an insider & knew quite a few of them. Society & mankind as a whole are better off with me not spending my time trying to impress others.

You know what the consensus has been when I get feedback on this blog? It's been positive. In fact, a friend of mine told me a few days ago that I shouldn't dare change who I am or censor myself in this blog since that's what makes me interesting, special & will take me places in this life. This friend also said I lack confidence in myself since I was the perfect person to become Subcommittee Chair of Entertainment & Media at NYCLA. I mentioned that I was mostly shocked since I really don't put stock in the legal industry or the BigLaw establishment that governs most bar associations. Look at all the slights I've had with bar associations, comments I've endured (like the guy who remarked on my nail polish at the very first NYCLA event I went to & had traveled from New Haven to show up for), oversights like this lack of mention of my article on the Table of Contents as well as not getting credit for bringing in a colleague's short film into NYCLA's First Film Festival & "offended" veteran attorneys who get all butt hurt when I don't kiss their asses or refer to them as "Sir" or "Your Excellency!" Would you put any stock in a group that treated you that way?

These days, I'm getting more respect from the legal industry & bar associations (getting this position being one example) but I feel like it's still a work in progress. Planning my first event now & with a little help from some great, non-stuffy folks, I plan to make the bar association fit me and be welcoming to me + those like me who say the bar association isn't their scene (more details when it's confirmed & finalized). I'm also going to an event at City Bar next week to see if I can't keep inspiring new entrants to this field to be their damn selves instead of trying to impress old, stuffy, perma-adults who never went to a frat party (my freshman fling in college claimed he wouldn't go to one & said he'd only go to wine tastings), watched cartoons or did anything frivolous, even when they were babies. Not to mention plenty of them would sell folks out in a heartbeat. I say why give a shit about those people & what they think?

My friend does have a point, though. I'm not sure it's lack of self-confidence as much as lack of confidence in the public & people. Call it the Groucho Marx syndrome: the "I wouldn't join any club that would have me as a member" ethic. With all the whining & encouraging everyone to be miserable cretins like them, my attitude toward the populace couldn't be all that great. I even got a tattoo to commemorate that general feeling (though it was more specifically related to love).

Granted, I do have supportive people in my life & discovered I had more fans of me than I ever thought I did. I think I'll be taking his advice in the near future. The universe is kind of telling me to do that anyway.

I interviewed for yet another job opportunity (this time as a lawyer who was going to eventually be a business owner in a non-entertainment related business). I finally heard back on it after I figured it was going to be another case of an interviewer going MIA & making me want to see that business destroyed. Apparently, the position wasn't filled but the owners decided to seek out someone with business experience. I said "More than mine?" since you'd better believe I mentioned my company in that interview. The owner I talked to said "A different kind of experience."

No harm, no foul but it just confirms something I have finally truly come to grips with: I am not meant to have a full time day job that isn't related in some way to the entertainment industry & where I am not in charge.

Let's look at this from a logical standpoint:

1. The industry comes up everywhere I go, even in forums completely unrelated to it like Monday Night Law.
2. I got this leadership role in Entertainment & Media.
3. In all the years I've lived in NYC (and maybe we can include Connecticut as well since my only resume experiences there were from law school clinic work), no job I've looked at for a full time role has ever panned out. Interviewers disappeared, companies turned out to be scam operations or too shady for my tastes, freelance legal clients were unbearable, one legal position was filled with zero notice to me after I had an interview, that temp agency didn't pay me timely.

Other than that temp gig I've done a couple times & some freelance writing work, nothing has really panned out or lasted long term.

4. Most of my success has been from entertainment work/opportunities. Even that temp gig I did initially called for someone with acting experience so the person wouldn't sound like (s)he was reading from a script! Not everything I've done in the industry has worked out but my track record with it over the years has been much better than in things having zero to do with the business or any creative skills I have.
5. Most jobs being offered & probably all of them for attorneys require being a robot, exercising zero independent judgment and never thinking outside the box. The people who claim to want this stuff never follow up with me so you know they don't actually mean it.
6. To get most jobs, you have to become a robot or worry about impressing someone. I absolutely refuse to do that; I simply present a logical argument & get the information I need since I consider a job interview my evaluation of the interviewer as well.

Add it all up & it's pretty obvious the universe is yelling "You belong in this business, Angry Redheaded Lawyer! Things are going to work out for you so be patient & stop stressing about it!"

I also don't have the same verve or passion for things that don't relate to my business or give me some creative opportunity, name recognition, or prestige. At one point, I thought maybe I'd lost my ambition since I just don't have the same drive or interest in anything not related to my industry. Then I found I hadn't: I've just lost patience for the BS most people are more than happy to put up with in society for whatever reason. Is it bad that I lost this when I was still in my 20s (I think it was 28 or 29)?

Most of my family members died in their 60s or sooner so don't assume I'll have tons & tons of years to have to deal with any BS. My husband says that's not going to happen to me. Not sure about that but genetics don't favor me seeing my 80s. Granted maybe better access to medical care, a better diet & more means to pay for stuff could help. I'm also bigger on preventive medicine than some of my family members were though I'm not out popping pills over every little ailment. No abnormal germ phobias here.

Oh, and that show where I was playing a prostitute was delayed since the director had a mild heart attack. Maybe this wasn't the nicest thought & I wish for our director's speedy recovery but I couldn't help but think that if there'd been a younger assistant director around or we started doing projects by the younger members of the group, such things would be less likely to be an issue. I have written my own work before & let's face it, my generation isn't the sort to wait around a million years to get respect or be seen as worthy to do things we've been excelling at forever. These days, I'm thrilled to see more people not waiting for the old guard to give them opportunity & going out to get it for themselves. Even fast food workers are getting into the act. Personally, I haven't eaten it in years & have no plans to start eating it again. My cooking is much better & won't make me sick. Plus, in NYC, you might as well go elsewhere with the ungodly prices like the authentic NY pizza joints or independently owned diners. Supersize Me also may have influenced this decision but it was mostly lack of money & not liking the stomach sickness that came with eating it.

So, looking forward to my first event & entering my leadership tenure with style. It could become fucking EPIC & if it does, I'll be a very happy woman. I heard about that bar association's seeking entries for the Second Film Festival but then nothing happened. Gee, might have alienating me been a factor there? You know, the person who actually works within the industry & knows filmmakers? I hope it was since that would serve them right. My program will reflect me & my interests. If you know me, you won't be shocked.

People Who Kick Ass & The Failures

So, I've read a few news stories and the like lately about people who did awesomely great things I'd totally do if it were me as well as about events I'd beat the crap out of someone for doing to me.

First off, my husband introduced me to a website called Passive Aggressive Notes. Check it out for yourself. He says he regrets doing this because on any site where I read a story, I try to read all the user comments (largely to see if there is any hope for humanity or if I need to focus any vigilante justice on particular regions of the globe).

See this post. It epitomizes why I personally hated high school & the writers of Strangers With Candy were dead on when comparing high school to prison. Note that this post also illustrates the main problem of most high school administrators: they focus too much on trivial issues vs. real problems like drugs, bringing guns to school, fights, sneaking in alcohol, etc. Sorry, but I'll take "lewd dancing" over a fist/gun/knife/weapon of choice fight or drunk teenagers puking everywhere.

Perhaps I say this because I couldn't have paid money to get a high school classmate to engage in dirty dancing with me. This sort of thing is standard fare in clubs & college but they serve alcohol at those places (well, maybe not on my campus but if you had friends or were over 21 you could easily get alcohol & especially if you were female).

Why would you want to do it if you weren't dating the person & you knew most of the room was sober? At least if you're doing it & everyone's drunk, you can say "It wasn't me; you were just drunk & must have been seeing things." Personally, I would be way too self-conscious.

Perhaps I also say this because no one really cared about dances at our school unless it was the prom (we didn't even have other dances except for the prom & sometimes Homecoming, which was nothing).

At the prom, everyone was dressed up (in the late '90s long evening gowns were the style), some of us were over 18 at an off campus venue & no way would any self-respecting woman get her dress dirty on the ground to engage in this type of dancing. Even grinding would be kind of hard in a long evening dress. Do you know how much it costs to clean an evening gown? Or repair one?

I think my mother would have also pointed out the shitty grammar. She'd likely even say that it's further proof that these "adults" aren't worthy of our respect. If these people had to go through college & can do no better than that in writing (while my mother did not & is a very good speller), they are obviously morons. God help the youth of America. I'd hate to see what these students' essays look like. They'll likely send me shitty cover letters in a few years.

Let me also clue you old farts in on another reality: teenagers have likely done or seen most things. They're not 5 year olds! They have the Internet (can we say "porno"), friends on social networks & have likely heard/seen far worse at home. I consider "think of the children" a shitty argument to begin with unless you're talking to a parent about THEIR kids but it really doesn't fly for me in dealing with teenagers. They're supposed to be "young adults" & preparing for real life. Do you really think most things would be novel to them before the age of 18 if they lived in real life? You can't even cloister kids at religious private schools from the secular realities of life (just consider the number of teen pregnancies that happen) so I find it hysterical that a public institution would even think to try it. This is why British TV on teens will always be superior to American teen shows: the Brits don't act like teenagers are clueless little innocents!

I also don't recall this dance being open to grown ups. If it were, you might have an argument but otherwise, this is just about a bunch of old farts who need to let go & join us in modern times. If this were my school, I'd boycott & point out how you're banning break dancing, swing dancing & other forms of dance that are hardly lewd but would violate their little rule. Not to mention the arbitrary nature of it all! If you doubt I would, read about some of the things I did do in high school to piss off the Man.

Here's another human being fail. If you ever do this to me, bad things will happen (as you can read about in earlier posts). Or I'll likely write you a full diatribe about how you're not my parent, I'll eat & cook what I damn well please & that you have the option NOT TO EAT something if you declare it "unhealthy."

Or the best response: "Yes, Jeff I want you ALL to be fat & unhealthy. Especially you! You are all mental midgets and Jeff, you're the biggest one of all. Here's a Twinkie!" Note: if I tell you to eat a Twinkie, it means I really hate you since I hate Twinkies. I've tried but I don't like them. Give me a Hostess cupcake or one of their other treats instead. I've never had their Ding Dongs or Ho-Hos.

If other office dynamics work like this, is it no wonder I'm happy working by my lonesome???

Now, for some people who rock.

First off, Katt Williams. I'm all for his stance here. People who stand by what they say get points in my book. And by the way, my husband & I know who Katt Williams is from The Boondocks considering A Pimp Named Slickback has to be one of the coolest characters to ever grace an animated series. So there are some white fans. One of my husband's co-workers tried to see him live one night but apparently he'd had some kind of mental breakdown so the show was cancelled. I 100% agree with his comment on Tracy Morgan.

Second, Billie Joe Armstrong. I've not been a big Green Day fan since "Time of Your Life" came out but I agree with him on this. Southwest Airlines apparently declares itself the fashion police, as we've seen in the past. Do "Jesus freak" style Christians run it? Are on they on the board of directors? That's the only reason I can think of why any airline would choose to make the flying experience even more demeaning and insulting than the U.S. government already has via TSA & all the "security screenings."

This is why I refuse to fly unless I can go in a private airplane or you don't mind me showing up in a bikini. Maybe you should show up in a G-string bikini or just a G-string if you live in a state where women can go topless as long as they aren't advertising i.e. soliciting sex? I don't know & I refuse to bother with it. I'm sure Southwest Airlines would kick you off the plane if you showed up in a G-string bikini or any bikini. Eventually, I'm sure we'll all have to show up naked or do strip searches if we aren't already.

Finally, a lawyer decided to do something I've talked about doing myself. I haven't done it b/c my husband wouldn't allow it but I have no problem with someone doing this. The ABA has sold everyone out, there really aren't any powerful advocates for the situation most attorneys who don't have jobs are in (and new grads have it even worse since they don't even have experience to set up solo shops) & you'll never see real change until these coward lawyers get off their butts, stop worrying about impressing other lawyers, enlist support from more sympathetic groups/movements & take action.

Personally, I think blood may have to be shed or some unscrupulous collection agency will have to kill someone before real action happens. For one thing, you have to deal with the know-it-alls who say "you shouldn't have gone to law school; you should study THIS demanding field" and other pearls of shit that aren't one size fits all solutions & do nothing for people in a current situation. I want people like that to suffer greatly since clearly they've never faced hard times & are far too brainwashed to do anything more than let the slave master shit on their foreheads/anally rape them/whatever graphic atrocity you can think of. Maybe evolution will eventually breed them out of existence.

Second, you have the bar examining committee who'd make you give up your license for doing this. I still find it laughable that they have a character & fitness committee for lawyers in their outside lives, especially when this same committee will refuse to admit you for being poor while a rich guy who pees on federal memorials, sells drugs, fakes his credentials, espouses racist views and God knows what else lawyers from moneybag places have done & STILL get to keep their licensing. Another classist institution that if I were involved in you bet would be handled differently. It's also incredible that some of these people will turn their noses up at things & espouse the same views as the know-it-alls on comment forums when they also have never faced hard times. Guess what? I hate these sorts of know it alls & feel they should keep their mouths shut on matters they know NOTHING about. A million dollars says they'd crack like eggs if they ended up in the same situation & would never cope as well as this woman.

Oh, but guess who else I love? The holier than thou religious types who say "Don't be a stripper! God will provide! Work at Wal-Mart!"

Okay, Wal-Mart is just as degrading & according to many they are Satan. I think it's about equal on the scale of scumminess. Have you seen that website "People of Wal-Mart"? Do the churchies have any clue how much it costs to go to law school? A Wal-Mart salary barely feeds one person & provides zero medical care (as we've learned elsewhere); how would you ever pay off law school loans?

Plus, no lawyer would put up with the abuse that goes on in Wal-Mart & no sane manager there would dare hire someone who knows their legal rights. I still maintain that being a prostitute would be better than working at Wal-Mart. God also helps those who help themselves, unless you forgot that part of the Bible.

I don't recall a commandment that reads "Thou shalt not be a stripper." I recall "Judge not lest ye be judged" and "Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor" along with scores of other passages these harpies have likely broken a hundred times in their miserable little lives. Oh, and if we're going with the "body as a temple" thing, then let's talk about tattoos, pierced ears, shaving, cutting your hair & any other cosmetic changes that violate how God made you. Bet you won't like that conversation, will you?

I also don't recall this woman saying she was having unprotected sex with married men or raping anyone (yes, women can rape men). If these men want to pay the money to see boobies, that's on them not the business owner & not the dancers taking advantage of it.

Same thing as Mr. Fat Police earlier; your vices are YOUR problem, not mine & not everyone else's!! Take some personal responsibility, douchebag.

Carla, I hope you read this blog or one of your friends does. You'd actually be someone I could probably stand & be okay with having as a fellow colleague. I'm sure you're not the kind of asshole that makes me hate most lawyers & hesitate to do anything helpful for them. If you do more interesting things & want help in the mainstream entertainment world, let me know. I'm sure many of your clientele are attorneys themselves so let's just think about that hypocrisy for a moment.

Short Comments on 2 Articles w/a Serious Rant at the End

Not enough for general musings but I have a couple points on 2 articles then a big time rant.

Apparently, a 21 year old guy got away w/pretending to be a 13 year old & was so good at it he was playing football in a league team for that age group. This guy's apparently a professional con artist or something & now all these people are enraged.

I might feel differently if my child were on this team but I'm more bemused at hearing this story. I think some manager ought to hire him for acting. Casting for children can be hellish & if someone can look that young w/out having to have the special rules, I'd think lots of companies would go for it. Heck, if he's that good he ought to be nominated for an Oscar.

And more utter stupidity.

Now I have no personal hatred against Texas. Many of your residents read this blog & it can't be just the liberal portion since I'm not a liberal per se. Notwithstanding the fact that someone I violently dislike but have never met currently lives there (you wouldn't like this person either), I don't really have a personal beef here.

But...just because you don't like gay marriage or find it immoral doesn't mean you should not allow gay couples to get divorced. It causes a million more problems to make a marriage impossible to get out of if you don't allow divorce to happen. In fact, the right to gay divorce is probably even more important than the right to marriage. Look at how many straight people get divorced. You have to have both or people start using serial killers as an excuse to "accidentally" kill a spouse they no longer want to be married to. Plus, like it or not, gay marriage being legal under government law is inevitable. Many states already allow it.

Even if you don't allow it in your state, Judge, you don't need to create legal nightmares that lawyers will strangle you on sight for causing. Don't you have enough problems w/crazy heterosexual ex-spouses in your courtroom? I would think judges wouldn't go creating more problems in the legal system than we already have. Are you now demanding gay couples to move to some state that allows it for months before they can get divorced b/c that is the result of such an immature & short-sighted ruling.

Finally, this just pissed me off.

Having worked someplace where sexual harassment took place, I have a real problem w/using the term "flirting" when we're talking about the workplace. This woman is telling people that it's perfectly acceptable for women to flirt to get ahead in work: the freaking article is called Flirting Your Way to the Corner Office.

So what are my fundamental beefs w/this idea. Where to begin?

1. I'm married. Now I'm a nice person & I appreciate compliments from time to time. You don't have to worry about me filing a lawsuit because you complimented my hair or my outfit. I'm also quite the humor fiend & can dish out the clever retorts when needed. It's difficult to make me truly uncomfortable.

However...I'm not going to lie to you about being married & how important my spouse is to me. You can have a conversation with me, I can give you advice, we can have a friendship at work & be on good terms. If you think my agreeing with something you say or helping you with a problem means I'm interested in you sexually, think again. We all need friends and allies in the world.

2. The whole concept of "flirting": in my mind, flirting is when you pretend to be sexually attracted to someone when you aren't. I don't think calling someone attractive or saying you'd date them if you were single is really flirting if you mean it. I never say something if I don't mean it. So I'm not a fan of the concept to begin with.

I think you start crossing the line when you write checks your butt can't cover. I was never what we'd call a tease when I dated.

For instance, I'd never give a guy a blow job if I had no intention of sleeping w/him. Now maybe we'd worked it out ahead of time but you'd never see me initiate that & then say "Oh, no I won't have intercourse with you!" I always told guys ahead of time what my intentions were & what I was comfortable with.

I also think flirting is a form of lying. I'm not about to let someone think they're eligible for something that's not on the table. One of my exes actually told me once that I couldn't flirt if my life depended on it. He said I tried but failed. This is probably true. Flirting is one of those things I'm probably too honest to do.

3. The feminist point: earn your own damn way. It would make me feel sleazy to use sex of any type to get ahead. I wouldn't take someone seriously for doing that & I know I'd judge harshly on it. Any common person can rub up on someone; it takes real skill to prove your worth honestly. You won't get my respect or a lot of people's if you try to earn it with sex.

4. Don't attractive people have enough problems already? Must you encourage further stereotypes to make it harder for people like me who don't do these things? I don't want to walk in someplace to have people think I didn't earn it honestly or that I'm going to sleep with them. I'm not Karrine Stephans, thank you very much. Like there isn't enough sleaze in certain fields already. How about we not encourage that shit???

If this was about being friendly, that's one thing. You can find common ground if you look for it. Don't lie about stuff & you won't have to worry about someone misinterpreting you. That clear enough? I'd also be pissed about someone in the workplace doing that & it would make me want to demote the person. Grown ups don't have to flirt.

Who Says an Attorney Can't Be Creative???

Very shortly, those of you in the NYC area (or who actually venture there from NJ, CT or someplace else) will get to see my acting & singing talents on a more regular basis. I was asked to be an actor in a new sketch comedy group being formed by the producer of "The Gloria Glitter Show" (yes, where I'll also be creating a recurring character).

Now, I hadn't though about being an actor in the group + as a general rule, I don't ask for acting roles or to subject you to my singing or writing. I don't use my being someone's legal counsel, organizing their work or doing other behind the scenes stuff to inject myself into the creative side of the industry. I'm not Lucy Ricardo or some gatecrashing wannabe & think asking for such things would make me one. A lot of people I've met don't like being used for their career & getting hassled about such things. There are also factions of attorneys who use representing entertainment clients for just those purposes.

However, I've gotten opportunities to do things because creative people I work with asked me to audition for roles or to read at auditions. That's how I've gotten things: simple hard work & no preferential treatment. I think we should all operate that way. Talent & personality should come first; even if you've got some huge investor, that doesn't mean you walk in like you deserve something. Don't give me a job just because I'm doing your legal work or help you on behind the scenes stuff: give me a creative role or project because you think I'm capable of doing it. If I'm not, don't let me ruin things.

I also may be doing another writing gig for a blog that sums up who I am & perhaps creates a category for me where none actually existed. We'll see how that goes but it will mean you'll get more of my prose. I'm also happy someone else thinks highly of my writing abilities.

So who says you can't work in the industry because you're an attorney? Maybe it's because I have a creative background, sheer curiosity when I tell people about singing or acting someplace or even the fact that I'm more of a creative than a typical attorney but I have managed to get opportunities where others probably wouldn't.

I also make sure to tell attorneys who really want to work in entertainment not to work as entertainment lawyers in the hope of exploiting creative work. It's scummy & I'd hate one doing it to me. Hell, I'd really do a number on such folk since I despise most lawyers & that world as a whole; everyone I know would hear about it & hopefully blackball those people as well as tell their colleagues so they can be spared that nonsense.

I even have to finally get my headshots/resumes professionally printed since now there's a demand for them & they don't come out right at home. I'd meant to for ages but I didn't have the money. Side income has made it possible; I need to do more article writing soon but I've been doing so much stuff lately.

I'm also trying to come up w/game plans to contact people, move ahead on the ventures, write on my other big project, etc.

Workers Wising Up & Crazy Stories from Mississippi

This is a sight for sore eyes.

It's no wonder, when you're making the remaining employees do the work of 2-3 people you've laid off & didn't replace without any promotions or salary increases. So seems this flies in the face of the "50 hours is the new normal & we'll just have to suck it up" crowd, doesn't it?

That makes me happy. Finally, some people are wising up & saying "Enough is enough." If this happened on a mass scale & people started using common sense again, I'd be even happier.

And this just makes me laugh.

Sorry but if you believe this, then I've got a bridge to sell you in Alaska. I saw Prom Night in Mississippi & I have to say that while there may be some intelligent, decent people in the state of Mississippi it's not been my experience that intelligent, decent people exist in the average county school district anywhere in the country.

If anything, I hear more about school administrators who lack any kind of capacity for rational thought based on news headlines & stories from family, friends, acquaintances, etc. Stories about denying diplomas to people whose guests applauded at their graduation, teachers trying to ban words, principals exercising double standards & even in my own high school days, we had some teachers who conducted themselves so poorly that a hobo deserved more respect than they did.

When your own mother says that a particular teacher doesn't deserve respect from students, it's a sign. Granted, my high school was known as Thug High when I went there but if a teacher can't even bother to do some basic things to earn respect from his/her students, it's time for that teacher to find a new profession.