My First Subcommittee Chair Event & A Fun Way to Get Dates for the Dateless

So after some wrangling, I've gotten my first event as Subcommittee Chair on the calendar at NYCLA. It's going to be on March 4th at 7 p.m. & if you register, you too can attend. However, I should warn you that we currently have over 100 people registered for it. Thank the awesome draw of Jagger Kaye, Monroe Mann & my awesome team of speakers.

Jagger is a guy who is the antithesis of the average speaker at any bar association so when he ran with this idea & offered to get me speakers + moderate, I had to take him up on it. My goal in having a leadership role in a bar association is to do something different & make the place accessible along with relevant to our population. Since my realm is creatives & this is something that has actually happened in the course of my work (people have asked me to be their managers even though I own a film company & feel me doing that would lead to inevitable conflict of interest issues in duties to client vs. duties to my company), I felt it was time we had a forum on this issue.

Maybe I would have been more tepid in my quest to do something different but since Jagger put it out there, I thought "Not only can I start my tenure in style & build a name, I can open the doors to getting more fresh and different events in there." I demanded my participants to be themselves. I'm always myself when I go to any of the bar associations so I feel like it's more of "Accept me, accept my peers/friends/contacts."

Plus, I have some very well respected people for this that my legal colleagues wouldn't necessarily have been able to get. If anyone knows what an agent or a manager does, it's an actual working agent & an actual working manager. I've seen too many events with lawyers where no one went to the source & that's always bothered me. Who's going to be better at talking about the actor client than Jagger, who is also a working actor? I also ended up getting a great resource to talk about the producer client who is an actual working producer (along with a well respected casting director).

I'm also starting with my friends/allies & picked them specifically since they deserve to have this audience. Lawyers tend to be a hot commodity in the entertainment field & the lawyers trying to work in this industry often have a hard time finding the creatives. I also think lawyers aren't the only people who can teach a lawyer something. I've learned plenty, especially about the entertainment industry, from people who weren't lawyers but actually are producers, actors, agents, etc.

For me, it's important to go right to the source if you want to know something. Sadly, that's not how I've seen many parts of the legal community working. If I have anything to say about it, that is going to change.

For instance, I don't recommend resources for entertainment law when the people involved care more about the lawyers' law school GPA & whether they were on law review than if they have any real experience in the field and can talk to the creatives in a way they respect. I like my creative contacts way too much to do that to them.

Hopefully, I'll bring in the lawyers who hate bar associations & wouldn't bother with them but see my events and like them. My speakers certainly won't be boring & I know they care about this. That's another gripe I've had with events: you can tell the difference between someone who really cares about being there & someone who's just phoning it in. If you're passionate about something & great at expressing it, you'll make people care even if they don't know what you're talking about or could care less about your subject.

I saw this happen once in a college class when an economics professor was speaking on an economic concept. I didn't know anything about it & economics is definitely not a topic most people consider interesting (I definitely don't though I understand it in general terms). However, this guy was very passionate about it. The way he spoke made me care about what he was saying. He was also a very well regarded & liked professor.

So we'll see how this goes. I think it will truly be epic & if I get my way, it will be a game changer for everyone. Also, hope people will listen to me when I do more events & trust my choices for speakers. I actually created the event title since I'm trying to show the informality of this business, my speakers & me as an event planner. Professional doesn't have to = stuffy or boring. We can have fun as well. I'm not sure there's anyone who embodies that more than Jagger in terms of a moderator.

On another note, I saw this outside the subway station when I was going to a karaoke place in Brooklyn last month:

A few comments to be noted:

1. My husband says "The library is not for dating!" Nope, it isn't. Don't you dare try that nasty mating stuff in there! He's busted people for that & apparently told the mostly teenagers who do this that if he can't do it there, then they can't either.

So our note writer might want to pick another place for dating instead of the library. Many of those people are perpetually on the layoff list, have no social skills or aspirations to move onward & really hate their lives since they work for tyrannical assholes who make proclamations on high about when to close in the event of bad weather but keep their butts inside their warm mansions while demanding the "peasants" to risk their lives to get home in blizzard conditions.

Don't make things worse for your library staff. You try "dating" there at your own risk; don't say I didn't warn you if you get beaned with a heavy book, splashed with a hose, smacked upside the head, have your ear ripped off or live some other painful consequence.

2. Obviously a man wrote this. Or a lesbian who's got no game at all. I'd think a lesbian would be more clever in date spots, prose & so forth. I'd also think a lesbian would include a picture of herself or a link to her website so the potential date could see her picture first. Plus, I don't think a lesbian would say "one nite stands only" on her flyer.

3. This seems like an awesome thing to do to someone you know who refuses to put in any effort to get a date but bitches about how (s)he doesn't have a significant other or even a friend with benefits. If that fake online dating profile or Craig's List personal ad doesn't work, I'm sure this could do the trick. You just want to watch out for those random homeless people & crazy folks that live in your neighborhood. They're a dime a dozen in NYC.

4. This is not someone with an education. I'm not trying to be elitist here, just honest. Do any of you educated women read this & think "Gee, this guy sounds awesome! Let me drop my drawers for him right now."? I could see some high school guy with this, maybe even a guy in college but if it's a 40 year old? You'd conclude he failed at life. Even a 30 year old doing this has probably failed at life in some way. Educated women I know of would want to go to an art museum, at least eat at Chili's or some nice sit down restaurant where you'd tip the wait staff, maybe even a bar for karaoke or cocktails. You certainly won't get the vegetarian and vegan crowd by going to the fast food places.

When I saw this, I not only laughed but suggested my husband do this for those socially awkward misfits he knows who complain about not having a woman but refuse to go anyplace where I or other women will be present. I may be attractive but I pointed out that they shouldn't be fearing me since I'm married & my husband's their friend. Plus, my husband has threatened bodily harm against guys he knows for even thinking about having an impure thought about me.

If any of you choose to contact this guy & go out with him, tell me how it goes. You have to wonder about someone who creates such a flyer. I mean, did the person do it himself or did someone else do it b/c they were sick & tired of some socially awkward or undesirable friend complaining or being a third wheel in their lives? Do it safely, though. Bring your friend who works as a bar bouncer (assuming you've got one).

Another thought: if this guy is a sexual predator, he's the most inept one I've ever seen. A really effective sexual predator would tell you about his villa in some warm, island location, how much money he's got & how he's going to shower you in diamonds and furs. He'd also have to mention his occupation & basically make sure to read some issues of Cosmopolitan to figure out just how to attract the maximum number of attractive women. I'm sure he'd also be making sure to be wonderful in bed so he could create some powerful cult where he controlled everyone with sex.

Say, wouldn't that be an interesting way to run a cult? You'd better be like that mega-perv I went to school with & have a ton of Viagra if you're getting on in years but I'm sure eventually we'll hear about some cult run by a guy who controlled people with sex. A tactic like this would also be a novel way to pick up recruits, don't you think?

Now, I'm going to sit in my apartment, watch the snow fall, stay warm & amuse myself in varied attempts to avoid the onset of cabin fever.

My Social Media Article in the New York County Lawyer, Another Job Rejection & What I'm Hearing From the Universe

Right before I left town, my article on social media was published in NYCLA's newsletter, New York County Lawyer. You can read it here. Go to page 12.

Did you notice that my title wasn't listed in the Table of Contents in the front? I did. I also want you to read the other articles in there. Then, read mine. Did you see the difference in writing style? It's unmistakeable. I also decided to tackle a viewpoint that's not being spouted by Career Builder, HR blog writers or anyone in the legal community.

After all, this blog is by design not written to impress anyone. Who I am in general is also not designed to impress anyone. I actually evolved from 7th grade; had I not done this, I'd have probably committed my own school shooting & been far more legendary as well as successful at it than those Columbine boys. They didn't have the advantage of "the smart kid" persona or being so beyond suspicion like I was. I don't recall them having insiders to help them in their attack whereas I was an insider & knew quite a few of them. Society & mankind as a whole are better off with me not spending my time trying to impress others.

You know what the consensus has been when I get feedback on this blog? It's been positive. In fact, a friend of mine told me a few days ago that I shouldn't dare change who I am or censor myself in this blog since that's what makes me interesting, special & will take me places in this life. This friend also said I lack confidence in myself since I was the perfect person to become Subcommittee Chair of Entertainment & Media at NYCLA. I mentioned that I was mostly shocked since I really don't put stock in the legal industry or the BigLaw establishment that governs most bar associations. Look at all the slights I've had with bar associations, comments I've endured (like the guy who remarked on my nail polish at the very first NYCLA event I went to & had traveled from New Haven to show up for), oversights like this lack of mention of my article on the Table of Contents as well as not getting credit for bringing in a colleague's short film into NYCLA's First Film Festival & "offended" veteran attorneys who get all butt hurt when I don't kiss their asses or refer to them as "Sir" or "Your Excellency!" Would you put any stock in a group that treated you that way?

These days, I'm getting more respect from the legal industry & bar associations (getting this position being one example) but I feel like it's still a work in progress. Planning my first event now & with a little help from some great, non-stuffy folks, I plan to make the bar association fit me and be welcoming to me + those like me who say the bar association isn't their scene (more details when it's confirmed & finalized). I'm also going to an event at City Bar next week to see if I can't keep inspiring new entrants to this field to be their damn selves instead of trying to impress old, stuffy, perma-adults who never went to a frat party (my freshman fling in college claimed he wouldn't go to one & said he'd only go to wine tastings), watched cartoons or did anything frivolous, even when they were babies. Not to mention plenty of them would sell folks out in a heartbeat. I say why give a shit about those people & what they think?

My friend does have a point, though. I'm not sure it's lack of self-confidence as much as lack of confidence in the public & people. Call it the Groucho Marx syndrome: the "I wouldn't join any club that would have me as a member" ethic. With all the whining & encouraging everyone to be miserable cretins like them, my attitude toward the populace couldn't be all that great. I even got a tattoo to commemorate that general feeling (though it was more specifically related to love).

Granted, I do have supportive people in my life & discovered I had more fans of me than I ever thought I did. I think I'll be taking his advice in the near future. The universe is kind of telling me to do that anyway.

I interviewed for yet another job opportunity (this time as a lawyer who was going to eventually be a business owner in a non-entertainment related business). I finally heard back on it after I figured it was going to be another case of an interviewer going MIA & making me want to see that business destroyed. Apparently, the position wasn't filled but the owners decided to seek out someone with business experience. I said "More than mine?" since you'd better believe I mentioned my company in that interview. The owner I talked to said "A different kind of experience."

No harm, no foul but it just confirms something I have finally truly come to grips with: I am not meant to have a full time day job that isn't related in some way to the entertainment industry & where I am not in charge.

Let's look at this from a logical standpoint:

1. The industry comes up everywhere I go, even in forums completely unrelated to it like Monday Night Law.
2. I got this leadership role in Entertainment & Media.
3. In all the years I've lived in NYC (and maybe we can include Connecticut as well since my only resume experiences there were from law school clinic work), no job I've looked at for a full time role has ever panned out. Interviewers disappeared, companies turned out to be scam operations or too shady for my tastes, freelance legal clients were unbearable, one legal position was filled with zero notice to me after I had an interview, that temp agency didn't pay me timely.

Other than that temp gig I've done a couple times & some freelance writing work, nothing has really panned out or lasted long term.

4. Most of my success has been from entertainment work/opportunities. Even that temp gig I did initially called for someone with acting experience so the person wouldn't sound like (s)he was reading from a script! Not everything I've done in the industry has worked out but my track record with it over the years has been much better than in things having zero to do with the business or any creative skills I have.
5. Most jobs being offered & probably all of them for attorneys require being a robot, exercising zero independent judgment and never thinking outside the box. The people who claim to want this stuff never follow up with me so you know they don't actually mean it.
6. To get most jobs, you have to become a robot or worry about impressing someone. I absolutely refuse to do that; I simply present a logical argument & get the information I need since I consider a job interview my evaluation of the interviewer as well.

Add it all up & it's pretty obvious the universe is yelling "You belong in this business, Angry Redheaded Lawyer! Things are going to work out for you so be patient & stop stressing about it!"

I also don't have the same verve or passion for things that don't relate to my business or give me some creative opportunity, name recognition, or prestige. At one point, I thought maybe I'd lost my ambition since I just don't have the same drive or interest in anything not related to my industry. Then I found I hadn't: I've just lost patience for the BS most people are more than happy to put up with in society for whatever reason. Is it bad that I lost this when I was still in my 20s (I think it was 28 or 29)?

Most of my family members died in their 60s or sooner so don't assume I'll have tons & tons of years to have to deal with any BS. My husband says that's not going to happen to me. Not sure about that but genetics don't favor me seeing my 80s. Granted maybe better access to medical care, a better diet & more means to pay for stuff could help. I'm also bigger on preventive medicine than some of my family members were though I'm not out popping pills over every little ailment. No abnormal germ phobias here.

Oh, and that show where I was playing a prostitute was delayed since the director had a mild heart attack. Maybe this wasn't the nicest thought & I wish for our director's speedy recovery but I couldn't help but think that if there'd been a younger assistant director around or we started doing projects by the younger members of the group, such things would be less likely to be an issue. I have written my own work before & let's face it, my generation isn't the sort to wait around a million years to get respect or be seen as worthy to do things we've been excelling at forever. These days, I'm thrilled to see more people not waiting for the old guard to give them opportunity & going out to get it for themselves. Even fast food workers are getting into the act. Personally, I haven't eaten it in years & have no plans to start eating it again. My cooking is much better & won't make me sick. Plus, in NYC, you might as well go elsewhere with the ungodly prices like the authentic NY pizza joints or independently owned diners. Supersize Me also may have influenced this decision but it was mostly lack of money & not liking the stomach sickness that came with eating it.

So, looking forward to my first event & entering my leadership tenure with style. It could become fucking EPIC & if it does, I'll be a very happy woman. I heard about that bar association's seeking entries for the Second Film Festival but then nothing happened. Gee, might have alienating me been a factor there? You know, the person who actually works within the industry & knows filmmakers? I hope it was since that would serve them right. My program will reflect me & my interests. If you know me, you won't be shocked.

My First NC Thanksgiving as a Married Woman, Some Travel Tips for the Non-Southerners & Life Updates

After over 6 years of marriage, I finally got to take my husband to NC for Thanksgiving dinner with my family. Seriously, because my husband has a worthless union and the same managers took the same holidays EVERY SINGLE YEAR since time began, we had no chance of me ever getting to see my family for a major holiday unless I went by myself.

I don't know about you but me personally, I feel that if you've got a spouse you actually care about you don't go off by yourself to see your family for the holidays. That's what I did when I was single & we were dating; it's a different story if you're happily married. I'd actually miss my husband & be very unpleasant to be around if I didn't get to spend a major holiday with him. Plus, I do tend to get hit on if I do things by myself & who needs that headache?

Finally, you can't underestimate the advantage of moral support if you're essentially a stranger in a strange land like I am in NC. Let me spend time around folk who aren't trying to play fashion police on me or demanding me to be an old frump for the sake of their kids.

Our journey takes place in the small town of Lexington, NC. My mom finally got her dream home out in the middle of nowhere but because of my sister's housing situation, we were placed in a hotel. This hotel was awesome & for more reasons than one.

For one thing, we got an upgrade to a suite since there were no rooms we had booked that were available for our full stay of one week. I called it the "rock star suite" since we had our own fold out couch & a table with chairs as well as a HUGE tub & shower in a decent sized bathroom (if you saw our bathroom at home & bathrooms in NYC generally, you'd agree with me on this). The water pressure there was also the best I've encountered at any hotel, probably better than what we have at home. Oh, and when they'd told my family they pride themselves on their cleanliness they weren't kidding. Our room was pristine!

They also had an eating facility that was open even when the local restaurants weren't. I didn't eat anything there but I liked the convenience factor. We were also near a dollar store, a grocery store, a few gas stations & a lot of stuff. You could feel the train come in on occasion but being on the third floor, it never bothered me in the morning. I only felt it once when my husband told me about it & I felt some shaking in the bed; it just felt like we had a vibrating bed for a moment.

One of my reasons for visiting was to see my niece & nephews. I'm childfree but I don't want these kids not knowing who I am or being influenced by me. I view it as one of my life duties to influence those kids. Heck, my niece looks just like me so as a rule she's got to have some influence from me. I told my mom & sister I'd be making sure my mini-me didn't let anyone push her around or treat her badly. She cried some but I'd find her making noise, talk to her and if she wasn't hungry or in the dark, she'd stop crying and just look at me. She'd also make some noise on occasion like she was trying to talk to me. Having a grown version of her apparently captivated her attention; at least, that's what my family told me.

My younger nephew, though, is totally my sister's kid in the sense that he's a screamer & largely non-verbal. He's sort of known as the problem child. My father's even started calling him "Chuckie" (from the Child's Play series if you don't get the reference; he's not a redhead or afraid of everything like the Rugrats character). Being around that kid & the constant screaming he did (forget my sister even going to the bathroom; he'd scream & bang on the door and stick his feet under like a cat) makes me even more staunchly childfree. He's getting checked out soon for his issues but being around small kids is STILL exhausting & my husband doesn't do well with screaming kids since he gets headaches from that stuff.

He spent more time with my sister's oldest kid, who's 9 & said I was his favorite. That kid is the one who apparently acts most like me since he's like a 20 year old living in a 9 year old's body. My husband was bugging him with tickle attacks & I said he should be nice to my nephew since he'll very likely be taller than my husband when he's a teenager. My sister's hoping for that anyway since she'd like a kid to play basketball for UNC-Chapel Hill.

My younger nephew might have a shot as a wrestler if he keeps his form & demeanor.

Let me tell you, visiting kids is not the same as having them & I'm more than happy to not deal with it. My mother even said that anyone trying to pressure me to have kids or who thought I should was stupid since I pointed out I couldn't handle what my sister is doing in caring for her 2 small kids. I wouldn't have the patience & those kids would end up wearing duct tape as a permanent fashion accessory. Give me a sick cat any day!

Years ago, I thought about what it would be like doing my sister's life instead of being in law school & I felt law school was much easier than being a single parent (this was shortly after her first husband died & my older nephew was himself a little kid, though not a screamer or as difficult).

Thanksgiving itself was fun. My husband got to have Honeybaked Ham (a tradition at my family's along with turkey, homemade pumpkin pie & so forth; he never gets it at any of his family members' homes) though he didn't get to have more Italian fare like we would if we'd gone to his parents' house instead. He also didn't have my mother complaining about cooking; she just got annoyed when she couldn't find things at the store & when the turkey didn't come out to suit her (thought I didn't have any issue with it & my older nephew told her it was good). Overall, my husband said he was thrilled to do Thanksgiving someplace else since he didn't have to deal with his family's drama. My family certainly has drama, don't get me wrong, though I didn't get into any big fights with my sister. My husband pointed this out to me later & said we'd matured. I said "No, I just didn't want to be an asshole having fights in the presence of my younger nephew." Consideration after my former friend decided to have her little outburst in front of her 4 year old.

Guess that brings one to the deadbeat report: basically, my former friend is still doing the same shit & her former husband has already found someone else. Good for him, except he's neglecting their kid & epitomizing the term "deadbeat dad." I don't think kids deserve to be blamed for the conduct of their parents or punished for their parents' sins, real or perceived. That's a huge reason I'll get nasty if you ask me things about my parents & use that to make judgements about me or my "status" in your eyes.

Imagine if we blamed everyone for what their parents did or the financial status/family name of their parents: most of us would be in prison & the permanent underclass would be much larger. At the very least, a lot of people would be societal outcasts. Just because someone's parents are scumbags doesn't mean that person became a scumbag as well. Some of us actually learned something from our childhood experiences & had as much contempt for things our parents did as anyone else. Some of us bothered to take steps NOT to be like our parents. I'm an individual, damn it! Judge me on my OWN merits, not that of my family members (especially the ones I don't even talk to or wouldn't piss on if they were on fire). That's how I judge others.

We also got to spend time with my husband's aunt & uncle. This was fun since we didn't go anyplace featuring heavy, greasy food and on Friday, got to go to a tea. It was my first actual one (unless you count the one I planned for my sorority with some help from the member who came up with the idea in the first place; I was told I did a good job, though I felt the credit should have gone to the previous Collegiate/Alumnae Liaison who'd suggested it & graduated before she could execute it). The food & tea were great and the venue was fantastic; in fact, I'd like to do it again sometime.

So, if you're going to travel to the South here are some tips:

1. Try to avoid taking the toll road if you can. Yes, there's a way to get there from NYC without having to pay tolls after leaving NYC. You can't really do this in the winter time but in the spring or summer, you will want to handle it this way.

2. The cuisine in the South is VERY heavy & greasy. Seriously, if you didn't grow up there or you're going after being away from there for years you're going to feel it. I have when I've gone back. There are things I really can't eat anymore or have to eat in limited quantities.

This probably answers the question of why so many Southerners are hell bent on controlling the sex lives of others: little children as well as greasy cuisine are massive libido killers. It made me wonder how I managed to have a functional sex life when I lived down there. Maybe it's because I lived in Atlanta so I had more options. Or my body had adapted to being in all this pain on frequent occasions. Funny thing is once you're down there a while, your body can adapt to it.

However, if you can I strongly suggest getting home cooking. It's less greasy unless, of course, everyone you know who cooks down there drowns everything in lard. When I had Thanksgiving dinner, my stomach didn't feel so bad like it had when we'd had to live off food we got from many places down there. Try to find the non-greasy fare if you can't get home cooking.

3. Make sure you get a hotel room that has a fridge & at least a microwave. I would have liked an oven but at least we could go to the grocery store & get some staples so we didn't have to eat out every single day. When you're a kid, eating out everyday sounds like a good idea. In reality, though, you will start to feel like crap after about 2-3 days. If you don't, you've either got a cast iron stomach or some kind of weird health condition I think I'd rather not know about.

I guess part of my experience is my whole prior baggage of living there. Maybe I'd view the area differently if I hadn't grown up there & had the childhood I did.

Oh, and if you saw my article in the latest New York County Lawyers newsletter, thanks for reading. If you didn't, go here & find it on page 12.

I also got named to be the Subcommittee Chair of Entertainment & Media for the eMIPS committee there (which is short for Entertainment, Media, Intellectual Property & Sports). This came as a total shock since I figured an unconventional type like me had no chance but apparently that whole thing worked this time. Shocked? I certainly am since I'm not the typical bar association leader & it sort of epitomizes my whole making the field fit me instead of conforming to someone else's rules.

I'm using it to my advantage & have my own ideas for things. Just have to talk to some more of my creative peeps before I formalize what I have. As far as I'm concerned, you don't assume what people want & should ask directly. I know what I've seen & how I want to make my mark so instead of making assumptions on what people want or need, I figured it was better to ask directly. Lawyers are in a service industry & if you're in a service industry, you're supposed to be giving the people what THEY want. If you don't, you're messing up big time & will screw yourself in the long run.

Retailers who don't have what I want or listen to my feedback? I don't waste my time on them. This isn't rocket science; it's common sense. We have the Internet & I have happily gone there to buy things I'd buy at a local store if they only bothered to carry them (like a long skirt slip I needed for this long white skirt I have that's totally see through otherwise). Plus, you can't complain if you're part of the problem.

Now to follow up on this job opportunity I interviewed for, do some writing tasks & generally get used to being back in my home with my kitty and in my city. One sign that you belong somewhere is that when you come back, you feel like kissing the ground & hugging people out of happiness. We'll see if my cynicism will still be warranted or not. At the very least, I have a game plan if I didn't get that opportunity.