Saturday, September 18, 2010

Watch Who You Ignore in School

I'm not a Katy Perry fan but I'd so do this!

Perhaps in my own way, I already do. It just reminded me of this one guy I had a crush on. I had a lot of crushes from middle school to college but this one in particular had an effect on my life. I think you can only have a crush on someone if there's no way in Hell you're going to get that person, at least in your own mind.

After I realized guys actually thought I was worthy to date, I never really had crushes anymore. That was lust.

But back to this crush: let's call him Fling Boy. Sadly, I didn't come up with this nickname. It's the creation of a friend of mine who dated him very briefly; she was a couple years older than him & I never really saw how those two got together. He was also the resident pervert in my class; when I'd bring my Seventeen magazines to school in 8th grade Fling Boy would borrow them from me, presumably to look at the models. That guy also embarrassed me in front of our entire English class by calling me a shortened version of my name after the teacher asked me to read some passage allowed.

My interactions w/Fling Boy were just bizarre. I think everyone was convinced this guy had a crush on me but he swore he didn't. In this poll among our classmates, we even got voted "Should Be a Couple"; I kept that from going in the newspaper b/c I worked on it at the time & the person who did that story was kind enough not to have me be humiliated even more. However, I did get voted "Shyest Girl" (no shocker if you'd known me in those days before Drama Club). Fling Boy had the gall to insinuate that I should get together w/the person voted "Shyest Boy," a guy I thought was repulsive & disgusting. No girl would have wanted to date this guy considering he was a bigger outcast than me (that's saying something) & constantly farted.

As I've said before, if guys tease you b/c they like you then almost every guy I ever met in school was head over heels in love with me. Despite all this public humiliation, Fling Boy was someone I considered a friend. He could keep a secret & he didn't treat me like I was garbage when the bitchy clique girls tried to claim that he liked me when I didn't even know who he was. He also told me about watching "Skinimax" when we were in middle school.

In high school, I started having older friends. One of them was close friends w/the girl who dated Fling Boy. They were also drama folk & encouraged me to get more involved in theater. You have them to thank for my becoming an actress & being confident enough to get on stage.

So in light of all this history I had with Fling Boy and my being a tad annoyed at him being in on my circle of friends even though his close friend was dating another girl in this circle whom I didn't know as well, his dating this one girl in particular still surprises me. I'm also shocked she considered HIM, the resident pervert. She didn't strike me as the sort who'd put up w/that.

I was a little upset, though not in a seething "I'm going to kill you" sense. I just felt I was more suited to this guy since he tormented me so much & there had to be some romantic overtone that obvious to everyone except us. Plus, I looked exactly the same as I do today & a random girl in my school once asked why I didn't have a boyfriend.

One more thing to know about me: I'd never admit to liking any guy in those days. Hell, I was so tormented and teased if I showed any real feelings that I would always deny things if I were asked about them. Do I like that guy? Noooo!!!

Despite this, I think people I knew were wise to it. I'm pretty sure I was freaking obvious since people usually got it right when they asked me if I liked particular guys. Even Fling Boy says to me right before high school "I like you as a friend but not a girlfriend." I'm still obvious today; you'll know if you've made me happy or pissed me off. My face is literally a mirror to my soul.

You know what else was interesting about my interactions with Fling Boy? If I had to be around him in a class or something, I'd want to be away from him but if I wasn't around him, then I had a crush on him. At that time, I wasn't really to sleep with anyone; I never even imagined kissing him.

This friendship changed my senior year. I decided to run for Homecoming. Not to win but because I loved (and still do) being on stage. I was getting positive attention & acclaim when I was on stage; being in the spotlight confirmed I was finally getting respect from my peers. No one taunted or booed me when I sang or acted; I'd get applause. So Fling Boy knows about my father's alcohol addiction & my not wanting to have my father as an escort. You needed that + a sponsoring organization. I got the sponsoring organization in a snap but when I ask this guy, my "friend", to be my escort he says no. Apparently he thinks I'm asking him to marry me or date me.

Uh, no!!! I point out that it's not about him, it's about me. That pissed me off.

Another friend got me a much better escort & a girl who was constantly nasty to me but was privy to the voting told me that I was getting a lot of votes. I didn't win but if it had only been white girls, I think I could have won or gotten second since I had more black friends in this black high school than the other white girls. In fact, it was one of these black friends who went on her own to ask my escort to be my escort. They both have my undying thanks for that. Knowing I got a lot of votes also helped in repairing the emotional damage from middle school.

Fling Boy made me feel like I wasn't good enough for him or couldn't attract guys to save my life. Just as Katy Perry told this guy off on stage, I'd love to do that today to Fling Boy. After all, he considered me too innocent & I think he'd be shocked if he knew about some of the things I've done in my private life. Oh, and he made a big production of saying he preferred Latina girls. Today, I'd tell him I prefer Italian guys. As far as I know, he's not or he'd have been much nicer to me.

My husband wants to ask all these guys who shunned me back then what's wrong with them. He thinks they're mentally defective to not have tried dating me; he figures if he'd known me then, he'd have been way too nervous to talk to me despite my personality. In fact, had we not met online first, he said he probably wouldn't have talked to me b/c I'd be too intimidating to approach. For the record, my husband is Italian.

Maybe when you write pieces of these experiences or create characters like people who had an effect on you in life, you're doing the same thing. There was a lot of unfinished business w/Fling Boy so writing can definitely be the way to resolve it.

But you know what's worse about this story? Years later, my sister says she had a crush on Fling Boy. You believe it? I don't. Last I heard, Fling Boy was in St. Louis. If he starts being buddies w/people I know, then I'm definitely going to conclude that God, fate, karma or whatever force of nature you choose likes to remind me that the world is minuscule.

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