Today, I watched part of the Baggage marathon on Game Show Network. Finally managed to catch some of the new episodes I've not seen (because, after all, my life doesn't revolve around television & most shows are usually rerun again & again & again...). Other entries will give you the show's basic premise if you've never seen it.
One of the contestants had as his biggest baggage that he'd "dumped girlfriends for gaining weight." Oh, do I have some opinions on this one...
Now, let me make it clear that I have no objection to anyone wanting someone to not be a lazy slob. I think we have wide middle ground between sitting on your fat ass & shoveling in the Mickey D's by the fist full vs. spending your entire life at the gym & demanding everyone around you to become a vegan. I also consider myself, a person who can't gain weight for trying. I have no dietary regime & while I do like salad + other so called "healthy" food, I'm no vegetarian or calorie counting maniac either. Nor am I a total lazy ass; after all, living in NYC means you have to exercise from time to time just to get things done or do something fun.
You'd also get laughed out of the room if you told me to lose weight. I've yet to meet anyone in the industry who told me to lose weight. In fact, more people are telling me to gain it. I can't do a massive exercise regime for fear I'd lose more weight & I think moving to NYC already caused me to lose some.
So let's make it clear that I am not the person to talk to about weight matters, dieting or any of that. People have told me they hate me b/c of my metabolism; I'm used to all the BS skinny folk have to go through.
But I have two serious points to make:
1. There are guys with severe delusions about the type of women they can attract. They seem to think they can be bald, weight 500 pounds & look ghastly while models fawn all over them. If you aren't equally matched in the looks lottery, you aren't attracting some super hottie (unless, of course, you had $ but then you'll just get the gold-diggers & do you really want that???) Same guys will bitch & whine about a woman gaining weight while they develop beer guts, sit on their asses all day and generally let themselves go to pot.
2. If you're seeking a long term relationship, it's not going to happen if you're expecting your mate to look the same at 60 as she does at 20. NOBODY does unless they have extensive plastic surgery. Sooner or later, we all get older & we age. Ignore celebrities; they're in the business of looking good. Average people don't have the $ for surgery, personal trainers & so forth.
Some people are still in shock that I married my husband and still love him since I'm apparently too attractive for him. I've told them something valuable that I think also holds true here: when you find someone you have a mental connection with, looks aren't top priority. I'm also the sort who always liked guys that looked interesting. Not ugly & not super-hot (since you want to be valued, right?) but someone you'd look at and figure they have a story to tell.
Know how hard it is to find that mental connection? It took me ages. I actually met my man at a point when I was about to give up on dating. I even got a tattoo years ago to symbolize my belief that I had no soulmate & no one would ever love me in that way. When you spend so much time dating people who don't understand you, you appreciate it when someone comes along & doesn't need you to explain your own mindset all the time. My husband & I understand each other very, very well to the point that people say we're the male/female versions of each other, two peas in a pod, etc.
So you can see why I'd be offended at someone with that viewpoint who claims to want a long-term relationship. If you're casually dating, it's a different story. I think it's a different story on many things if you're just dating & not looking for a future w/someone. I put up w/far more in a boyfriend than I did in a potential husband.
But take it from someone who is as unromantic & cynical about love as it gets: if you find that mental connection w/someone, you better not screw things up.
Monday, September 6, 2010
Dumping Someone Over Weight Gain
Posted by Film Co. Lawyer at 11:36 PM
Labels: Baggage, delusion, dumping someone for gaining weight, love
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