The Surreal Adventures of The Angry Redheaded Lawyer: "Your Name on My Lips" presented by Crystal Field (Executive Artistic Director) at Theater for The New City by Eric B. Sirota

* A disclaimer before you read this review: I am a very cynical woman in matters of romance and love. My parents had a dysfunctional marriage featuring my father as an emotionally abusive alcoholic and my mother as his enabling, God fearing wife in the backdrop of the American South, a region known for wives in particular getting the short end of the stick in marriage matters. A lack of money did not help their problems though my mother should be commended for her emotional strength and resourcefulness.

I had no childhood sweetheart, often got dumped by guys in college when I wasn't having to fend off clingy psychopaths I didn't find remotely attractive, fell in love at the ripe old age of 23 and after a marriage of more than 7 years found myself thrown out into the street by the “love of my life” a mere 9 months after my father's sudden death with no real explanation except his stating “I don't want to be a subsistence farmer” and him thinking it was my duty to be his meal ticket so he could sit on his butt and do nothing.

After a very bitter divorce and 16 months as a transient in NY and CT, I have slowly been trying to make myself whole again if not better. To say that I do not believe in love and don't trust anyone is a gross understatement; I even got a tattoo many years ago commemorating the fact that true love does not exist for yours truly.

So for those of you reading this review, please bear this perspective in mind. You might agree, you might disagree but this is my honest critique.

Perhaps the night I saw this show wasn't the best time as I did have a brief panic earlier in the day that a guy I'd seen recently is & has been carrying a torch for someone else; yeah, most women and especially me do not want to deal with any guy carrying a torch that isn't for her whether you are just friends with benefits, boyfriend/girlfriend or getting engaged. *

“Your Name on My Lips” is about an artist named Sam (Matt Mitchell) who comes from a troubled family background but finds his artistic muse in a young girl named Suzanna (Michelle Siracusa). As they grow into teenagers and into high school age, they become romantically involved and Suzanna even loses her virginity to Sam.

Matt Mitchell, Michelle Siracusa

Like many young girls, Suzanna comes from a modest, middle class background where her father (Brandon Grimes) loves Sam's vision of Suzanna and how much Sam clearly loves her while her mother (Erin Evers) is more of a social climber type. She dismisses Sam for his lack of drive to become a millionaire or hailing from a good family and really wants Suzanna to marry rich, including dating George, the son of an affluent banker in their town (Jarred Bedgood) even though Suzanna has no romantic interest in him. Of course Suzanna is going to attend college and she attends a school far away from her childhood home.

"Your Name On My Lips," written and composed by Eric B. Sirota, directed by Gerald vanHeerden, presented by Theater for the New City March 2 to 19, 2017. Foreground: Matt Mitchell as Sam and Michelle Siracusa as Suzanna. Behind: Brandon Grimes and Erin Evers as Suzanna's parents. Photo by Jonathan Slaff.

While in college, Suzanna ends up meeting Phil (Clint Hromsco). Phil is another guy from money who introduces Suzanna to drugs, cocaine in particular. As Suzanna and Sam are apart and see each other sporadically, Suzanna is torn between her devotion to Sam and the siren sound of wealth, affluence and materialism. Sam faces his own temptations via his friend Jack (also played by Grimes) to go after the lovely, more in his league Kate (also played by Evers). The difference is Sam stays true to his Suzanna while Suzanna throws Sam under the bus in more ways than one.

Suzanna decides to bring cocaine to see the anti-drug, anti-alcohol Sam (whose parents were killed by a drunk driver, as we learn at Suzanna's 12th birthday party). When the police notice the drug she'd discarded, Sam took the fall for her so she would not get kicked out of school and have her life fall apart. Eventually, Sam is released on a technicality but the police officer and public defender even engage in a song called “No Girl is Worth It” to prove the utter futility of this act. Suzanna is nowhere to be found in Sam's time of need but not to worry: Fantasy Suzanna (Aja Downing) comforts him while Suzanna is being a wussy little B.

Suzanna also refers to Sam as “just a friend” while talking to George, unknowingly in Sam's earshot. However, it feels like a warning to Sam that Suzanna isn't nearly as devoted to him as he is to her. Even Suzanna's college roommate Beth (also played by Evers), who at first tells Suzanna to go live the college experience, later changes her tune about Sam. She tells Suzanna outright that if a guy felt about her the way Sam feels about Suzanna, she'd not throw that love away like Suzanna is doing.

Erin Evers (as Beth), Michelle Siracusa

Another act of betrayal is Suzanna's hooking up with Phil, which leads to her getting pregnant. While in the hospital, presumably approaching death, she claims that she loves Sam and claims to love him and that she'll have “your name on my lips.” After the doctor comes in to tell him Suzanna will be fine, he notices the diamond ring on her finger. It turns out Suzanna is pregnant with Phil's baby, is engaged to him and is a big fat liar.

I really wanted Sam to yell “Fuck you, bitch” all Eminem style in the face of all this betrayal and nastiness against him, perhaps right after the drugs scene. But alas, that's not our Sam. He acted far more graciously than just about any man in America would if confronted with such a scene. Fortunately, Fantasy Suzanna reappears and talks sense into the man so he doesn't throw away his future over a cold, materialistic liar. Sam eventually gets his full scholarship to art school and decides at the end to go pursue his dreams and leave the real Suzanna behind.

You have to wonder what poor Phil is thinking about this woman who sat here and claimed all this devotion to a guy that wasn't him. If she's not lying about her feelings for Sam, you have to wonder what type of marriage and family upbringing this kid is going to have. Will Phil eventually tire of moral duty and leave Suzanna to carry torches for other guys, maybe taking their kid with him? We learn that Phil has pure intentions toward Suzanna and wonders if she'll ever get over this other guy to feel that professed devotion toward him someday. Perhaps that child will grow up to be as cynical about marriage as I am.

Clint Hromsco, Michelle Siracusa

The cast as a whole was extremely talented & needed to be as this was essentially a musical. Jarred Bedgood is an extremely talented dancer, as we saw when Sam meets with the art dealer to decide what works he would like to buy from Sam. I also thought the songs were well done (especially “No Girl is Worth It” and “Joules/Jewels,” a song that's funny, blunt and painfully accurate), the scenes at the party were great, Beth had some great song lines that made me laugh and you definitely felt empathy for Sam.

I just lost my empathy for Suzanna around the time she was trying to get Sam to use drugs or maybe it was when she told George Sam was “just a friend.” It is absolutely nothing personal against the actress. I'm not sure what her direction and aim toward the character was but if it was to not make us have empathy or sympathy for Suzanna later, she succeeded.

I would have liked to see how Suzanna viewed herself in light of this behavior. Is she aware of how her conduct harmed Sam? Does she hold herself up as a great human being? Does she feel ANY remorse at all for playing these men? I suppose I saw none so that led to me losing any empathy toward her and really wanting her to be the recipient of an Eminem style verbal smackdown. Another random fact about me is that I have been told I think like a guy with regard to relationships so I despise fickle females like Olive Oyl from the “Popeye” cartoons.

Thank God for Fantasy Suzanna. I feel like she deserved a better introduction earlier on and the actress herself was underutilized. She brought a quiet, calming presence to the proceedings and her talking sense into Sam made me leave the show feeling a little better about humanity.

Matt Mitchell, Aja Downing

I've been to Theater for The New City a few times, even doing a show there myself once but had never been to the Johnson Theater. Nice auditorium and I liked the set design for this show. It seems the writer was also taping the show and I overheard him speaking to audience members near me about this show; he said that it was a work in progress until he got it to Broadway. Well, as a woman I would have liked to see where I could feel any real empathy for actual Suzanna later on vs. thinking she's another portrait of why men don't trust or have any loyalty to good hearted women who'd never put crass materialism ahead of true love.

The Surreal Adventures of The Angry Redheaded Lawyer: "The Wizard of Oz" by the Harlem Repertory Theatre in association with The Yip Harburg Foundation

The timeless story of “The Wizard of Oz,” brought to life by a jazz soundtrack, modern & innovative musical numbers as well as an ethnically diverse cast (except for natural redheads, which I will get to later) is given a modern and fresh take at the Harlem Repertory Theater in association with The Yip Harburg Foundation. As background, Yip Harburg found in L. Frank Baum's classic book a story that was applicable to all races and backgrounds instead of that portrayed by the Hollywood film.

When I walked in, I was greeted by the most friendly staff and was instantly escorted to my seat right in front. For those who have never been to the Harlem Repertory Theater, it is literally an immersive experience. The audience seating is located on an uphill incline in a circle while the stage is located at the bottom and the jazz musicians were placed right next to the stage on the left. There was no problem at all with not being able to see if you were sitting in the back and the setup was traditional like when theater began in Ancient Greece but the atmosphere was far from stuffy, dull or boring. Jazz was playing as we were waiting for the show to start and whether the presence of kids had anything to do with the homey touch and feeling or not, I thought it was a wonderful vibe. In fact, this was one of the best venues I have ever seen a show in because of the warmth and comfort in the atmosphere.

The dance numbers, choreography, music and the presentation of the show was wonderful. The actors came right into the audience though no one touched audience members or made anyone feel awkward from what I observed. I like that Dorothy had on a more traditional outfit for a girl living on a farm in the first act and how the dancers moved in the tornado scene. You definitely felt that tornado hitting the farm.

Harlem Repertory Theatre, in association with The Yip Harburg Foundation, presents "The Wizard of Oz" at Tato Laviera Theatre, 240 East 123rd Street (at 2nd Ave.), Manhattan. Taylor-Rey Rivera (Dorothy) and Toto. Photo by Jonathan Slaff.

I love that the Wicked Witch of the West was a redhead. Somebody did their research on redheads (insert devilish grin here). My mother, herself a natural redhead, will tell you that “redhaired children are mean”; eventually, we grow up into redhaired adults and continue to disturb the order of things—I like to think my mere presence as a natural redhead accomplishes that. I would have liked to see a natural redhead doing something though I get the realities of rarity (we are 1-2% of the global population, after all) & if you were looking for a redhead who is also black or of Hispanic/Latin origin, then you have even more difficulty even though a couple of those redheads have spoken up on social media groups I've posted in. I face my own problems existing in a “niche” that is almost never represented nor entirely respected and regarded in many places. Apple, I'm looking at you.

Despite this, the actress who played the role (Emily Ramirez) definitely pulled off the evil and nastiness of the Wicked Witch/Myra Gulch.

Foreground: Emily Ramirez (Wicked Witch of the West), Barbyly Noel (Glenda), Taylor-Rey Rivera (Dorothy). Behind: Munchkin Ensemble. Photo by Jonathan Slaff

In fact, all of the actors were great in their roles along with the dancers. I like that all the dancers weren't your stereotypical, uniform skinny dancers who looked exactly alike. Aside from that whole redhead slight, I applaud whoever did casting in picking performers who represent everyone who might have a dream of doing this someday so kids of all body types and looks could see themselves reflected in this show. This being a show kids were invited to see, I like that someone was thinking about this issue.

L-R: Dexter Thomas-Payne (Lion), Derrick Montalvado (Scarecrow), Ben Harburg (Tin Man), Taylor-Rey Rivera (Dorothy). Photo by Jonathan Slaff.

One of the best moments in this show was when our heroes were in the castle of the Wicked Witch of the West and the Lion scares off the guards. A kid shouts out “You did it, Lion!” The actor playing the Lion (Dexter Thomas-Payne) looks in the direction that shout came from and gives the kid a thumbs up. I thought that was a sweet, impromptu moment. You could tell that the cast really liked doing this show for the kids as I saw many hang around afterwards to talk to and take pictures with them and their families. If anyone was phoning it in or merely humoring these kids, I never saw it.

Dexter Thomas-Payne as Cowardly Lion. Photo by Jonathan Slaff.

The variations from the movie we all know were also quite good. No poppies but you did see the Gale family rebuild their farm so things ended more happily for them and we saw that the tornado did in fact cause damage they had to fix vs. the movie ending where Dorothy wakes up in her bed, talks to everyone who came to see her after her injury and it ends from there. The jazz soundtrack also worked well for the story and definitely made it more universal in its scope.

Public Statement on My Withdrawal From One Way or Another Productions LLC

Today, I bid One Way or Another Productions LLC adieu.

For the past 9 years, I've learned a great many things from my colleagues and gotten an incredible opportunity to build a career in the entertainment industry as an executive and entertainment attorney that has gone further than I ever expected when I first came to New York City in 2007. It has been a constant among divorce, death, new opportunities and the various life changes we all (hopefully) experience in nearly a decade.

However, much like when a bird matures and eventually has to leave the nest, it is now time for me to leave the nest and fly on my own. This comes after I have been reduced to the role of figurehead, informed that the CEO does not “trust” me and after the CEO unilaterally removed/disabled the company's website, blog, email accounts, social media pages and altered an IMDB page for a project the majority of us had put blood, sweat and tears into over the course of many years.

Under attorney ethics rules and due to this unwarranted lack of trust, there is no longer a place for me in One Way or Another Productions LLC. I will not work as a mere figurehead and no one will play attorney under my name. I am disappointed and saddened that Thanksgiving with my family 1,000 miles away was deemed less important than an unpaid business conversation that could have awaited my return to New York City and never took place subsequent to Thanksgiving. I am angered that I have been cut out of legal matters concerning “my” company and that the CEO decided to improperly play attorney instead of properly delegating legal matters to me, particularly where my involvement would have saved all concerned significant time, money, stress and other expenses.

Where there is no trust, you have nothing. As there is nothing, it is now time for me to take the skills and lessons I have learned during my tenure and fly freely. I hope my colleagues will take a lesson, treat future attorneys with more respect and find happiness personally as well as professionally.

The Mystique of Men Has Vanished for Me

When you're young and hormones are running amok, you find whoever you're attracted to fascinating. In my case, it's straight guys. I'm not sure how that works if you're gay but when you're straight, the opposite sex is "other." Their experience is something you're never going to know and it's different from yours, not just physically but mentally. They don't get hassled for their bra sizes or have to worry about bleeding every month or deal with guys hitting on them or parents glaring at old men for checking them out/leering at them. Maybe the definitive way I could tell I was straight was when I was in college, when I gave this guy an intimate massage in a very private area the night before an Applied Calculus exam and felt such a euphoria afterward I ended up getting a good grade on it. Plus, there was Vampire Boy: I distinctly remember early on in that relationship when we'd just started doing the sexy stuff & I thought to myself "I'm definitely 100% straight since I enjoy heterosexual sex way too much." The thoughts in your 20 year old mind when you'd lost your virginity only a year beforehand.

So now I've gone through the cycle of dating, marriage, divorce and phase 1 of recovering from the divorce. I have no clue how many phases recovery has but maybe I'm in phase 2 or even a phase 3. Is Phase 3 where you discover the grass isn't as green as you thought it was and people aren't as happy as you think they are? When you learn relationships aren't what you see in the movies and a lot of guys are really bad at sex?

I went out with a few guys in the past few months only to encounter them having performance issues. One guy was younger than my last boyfriend and had this happen twice. Cute dude, worked in a professional job, had stuff in life, wasn't a selfish bastard on money or treating a girl, seemed interested. Then, no word. I remembered my law school friend telling me that a different guy was likely embarrassed and didn't talk to me again b/c of it as it related to bedroom stuff so I figured it was that. I looked back on other things with those interactions and felt like it wasn't worth my effort to even text "thanks for proving me exactly right." Maybe I really do intimidate guys like others have said?

I also figured the universe was telling me with all these guys falling short to focus on my career as I've gotten busier and more opportunities in things. I also have another vestige from the past falling away & new projects, contacts, so on and so forth. A future focus is not a bad thing. I even followed up with a random stranger who sent me a wonderfully poignant Christmas card but never heard back. She'd had my card and left her number; I Googled trying to remember where I met her but no such luck, though I learned she was indeed legit & had a spirit I'd like for myself but cynicism holds me back in many ways from it.

Another traditional mystique that's vanished for me is marriage since I had that. Divorce sucks, to say the least. If you're still suffering from the effects of it in your day to day life with less income, no space of your own, no means to do the things you'd like to do, or the relationship's ending hasn't been even half as long as the relationship you left, you're not going to want to get married again or jump into instant exclusivity. Dudes are still approaching me from my past or in my present; some guys I'm cool with talking to since I liked them as people and want to know they're doing okay or better than I last saw them. Others are a pesky intrusion.

Word to the wise: if a woman tells you "I have a type," don't ask her what her type is since that statement means you are not her type (at least if I say it). When guys have asked me to spell that out, I do and unabashed; I don't give a damn if they feel offended by it. I've even stated "my vagina isn't a restaurant; I don't have to take all comers. I can discriminate based on race, age, national origin, whatever I want." Some guys will go all used car salesman on you when you tell them your type & how they don't fit it. It's like "Dignity, dude. Get some. Go find a lady who DOES date your type instead of bothering me."

I'm puzzled why certain groups bother me. I'm not some weakling or demure little slave. Do these idiots think a NATURAL REDHEAD is going to do that stuff? Do they just think they can go tame or weaken one? If that convention of black men dating white women b/c white women are "more willing to put up with shit" is true, why the hell would any of them approach a natural redhead?!?!? Natural redheads are territorial, assertive, tough and don't suffer fools. That guy is much better off with a black woman and leaving me alone as I also happen to like my black female friends; I'm not going to rob their dating pool or be some "white bitch" who's stolen one of their men. I wonder the same thing with Indian guys as I'm not going to tolerate that mess & it's a waste of time to think I'm going to ever put up with that. The used car salesman shit doesn't work on me; it just pisses me off. Some of these men need to do some research on natural redheads with regard to personality types since we are a creature all our own.

I do my research on cultural background on guys & won't waste my time on guys from cultures that condone or encourage disrespect of women; sooner or later that culture is going to influence you and your behavior. My demands for politeness and respect and all come from my Southern upbringing. I also have major trust issues and suffered emotional abuse in some form all my life so not reliving that shit, end of story. If I think someone is going to present a high likelihood of me having to relive it, there's no point in my putting in any sort of emotional investment. Would YOU? I won't deal with Southern rednecks for the same reason.

Yeah, I tend to limit my emotional investment in people unless or until I know they can be counted on for the big things. What's really scary is that I had to say the same thing to my law school friend Psycho Boy said to me many years ago: that I don't let anyone in, I will be lonely the rest of my life if I never let anyone in and that I needed to let someone (him, in this case) in. I told my friend "this is not something I should be telling you" since he doesn't have an alcoholic parent and didn't get to see everyone in his gender getting treated like shit when they were "married" like I did. He didn't get dumped all the time like I did & have people lie to him all the time from childhood to today or pretend to be his friend when they were just lying the whole time. He wasn't betrayed by the love of his life like I was (I feel my entire marriage was a lie). I know why I'm emotionally distant & am completely justified in mine, especially now. For me, it's like "you didn't live that so you have no reason for it."

I had to work a long time to not instantly assume friendly people were hiding a sinister agenda against me or that guys were just playing head games when they claimed interest in me. I didn't tell my friend to let ME in but I told him he needed to emotionally invest in someone at some point since he's never going to be able to have a functional marriage if he can't do that. If he did do that, I'd be shocked since something tells me he's never done that & that makes me sad for him. Since I already did that with my ex, I do know that at least I am capable of it even though I may never be able to do that again.

When I told another lawyer friend about this mystique being gone for me, he asked if I'm going to be a lesbian. I'm like "No. That whole tit thing is kind of a turnoff & I like a guy's penis way too much." Plus, I think the straight rolls off me like a stench. Different strokes and all that.

I'm simply holding out for quality and certain standards being met. I figure in the meantime, I'll stick to my own company and have my own fun adventures vs. actively pursuing dudes. Watch me get $ then tell some dudes to fuck off if they act like Johnny Come Lately types. I hate leeches.

When there's no mystique, you get a new insight. You realize guys go through the same shit, they also have insecurity, their lives aren't automatically more exciting than yours, and they have flaws like anyone else. I even told a friend after showing her a pic of my last boyfriend that even a guy who looks like him has flaws. Maybe that's "adulting?"

The Surreal Adventures of The Angry Redheaded Lawyer: "An Italian Miracle" presented by La Mama with the works of Dario D'Ambrosi

On December 12, I had the pleasure of attending this event which was an evening of performance, film screening of the works of Dario D'Ambrosi and a New York City introduction to “The Integrated Theater of Emotion.” “The Integrated Theater of Emotion” is a university level program for mentally disabled people created by Italian actor/director Dario D'Ambrosi, who is also the founder of a theatrical movement called Pathological Theater (Teatro Patologico). The program itself is for people with mental disabilities such as schizophrenia, autism, Down Syndrome or catatonic to academically and professionally participate in careers in theater arts in all aspects, not just the acting realm.

At La Mama December 12, Actress Celeste Moratti served as interpreter at "An Italian Miracle," an evening of a performance, panel discussion and film screening, to introduce New York to "The Integrated Theatre of Emotion," a university-level program for mentally disabled people that has been established by Italian actor/director Dario D'Ambrosi. Photo by Jonathan Slaff

The panel discussion planned for this event was not able to happen due to the Italian government officials who'd planned to participate being unable to attend. Nonetheless, this was an immersive evening and very educational on the whole. The food from Serafina Restaurant was also delicious, as I figured it should be. I remember walking by a location near the Westchester Supreme Court, seeing a sign they had regarding giving your mate the gift of a meal there & “she will love you forever” and being reminded of Quinn Morgendorfer from the '90s show “Daria” always trying to get guys to take her to Chez Pierre (a pricey place in the fictional town of Lawndale where the show takes place, presumably the most expensive place in town); I even posted a picture of that flyer on Instagram and remarked that Serafina is apparently the Chez Pierre of White Plains.

The first presentation we saw was scenes from “The Buzzing of the Flies,” a play by Dario D'Ambrosi with Greta Scacchi and Giorgio Colangeli. This is a story about a group of scientists and psychiatrists trying to return folly to the earth, in order to fight boredom and depression that has resulted from a world where madness has been eliminated. A SWAT team is dispatched to capture 3 different crazy people: a temperamental painter whose wife and child have left him (Franco Brunelli, whose son is introduced at the beginning of the piece seeking answers from the lead psychologist involved in the project), a child who lives in his own mind and wears headphones and a gifted piano player whose gift was suppressed by his family and spends his time counting the butterflies he mentions to a member of the SWAT team sent to retrieve him.

Scene from "The Buzzing of the Flies" by Dario D'Ambrosi.

Eventually the trio bond and we learn that one of the scientists at the facility (Dr. Natalia) also has a mental disorder she has shielded from her colleagues and superior. She thinks it's wrong to “amp up” the trio's psychoses to drive them over the edge for the sake of this “experiment” and helps them escape from the institute by running away instead of committing suicide as they'd originally planned after the “treatment” designed to serve as a form of “therapy.”

There was also a live presentation of the “Integrated Theater of Emotion” university course and a screening of “An Italian Miracle” to illustrate to the audience what this program is all about.

Finally, we were treated to the film “L'Uomo Gall – Days of Antonio” by Dario D'Ambrosi with Celeste Moratti, Luca Lionello and Dario D'Ambrosi. Antonio is a boy from a poor rural province outside Milan who was born mentally handicapped and with one leg shorter than the other. His parents banished him to live in a chicken coop, where he considered himself a rooster and acted as a chicken. Eventually, he is taken to a psychiatric hospital where he tries to live a more normal life. His roommate, played by Dario D'Ambrosi, despises him at first but eventually grows to feel empathy and affection toward Antonio despite Antonio's not living up to his standards of order and cleanliness. The group of characters we meet at the hospital include one actress who was in attendance for this event. She played Antonio, the boy who thinks himself a rooster. This film takes places in the 1920s though I was reminded often of “One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.” Specifically, it felt like “One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Next” times a million in the anguish and badness factor. There is no way you'd get away with doing a film like this in the US and the atrocities you see Antonio go through leave the viewer not being able to help but feel empathy for him. However, there were also light moments in the film such as when the patients are taken to the beach and the girl who's always naked and drawing on herself with lipstick goes right into the ocean sans clothing and feels “right at home.”

Celeste Moratti in "Days of Antonio." Photo courtesy of Teatro Patologio.

I know nothing of the culture in Italy with regard to mental illness but from my understanding of these pieces, it seems many people are confused about it and perhaps also in denial about it. It also feels like there is an element of shame to mental illness which is definitely still present today though it might be more subtle than in earlier decades. Granted it's not like we can say the United States is highly evolved on the subject for a second but I wonder how the perception of mental illness in the US vs. Italy differs and whether one country treats those will mental illnesses better or worse.

My own nephew is autistic and my sister says she doesn't think about what his future is going to be. He is also very high functioning and has gotten some good resources where he lives despite living in a smaller town and state than where this program is offered in Italy or where there are more funds for autistic children like New York City. She deals with his own outbursts and not being able to communicate with him sometimes along with plenty of people not being understanding of his condition. Some relatives outright told her he couldn't come to events or visit because of his autism, which has caused a lot of issues with people.

From what I heard about this program and its aims, which is not to put these people in straight jackets and force them to adapt to society but to use their outbursts and differences in the theatrical arts in order to employ them in a positive and more pro-social way I think it would be great to have something similar in the United States. The aim is not for the students to have talent or get all cues perfectly but to employ their own vision and who they are into the programs they participate in. I certainly fight to have my own space where being myself is an asset instead of something I have to hide. That is something I have attempted to create in being an entertainment attorney who does legal work but also does things like writing reviews, modeling in fashion shows, acting, and other pursuits not typically associated with attorneys.

So if I get to live life on my terms, then why shouldn't anyone else have that opportunity and space for that purpose? I can see what this program is trying to do and applaud the effort.

A huge thumbs up to the actors involved in the presentations and the individuals involved in this event. As an actress, I'm certainly familiar with the challenges involved in working on these projects and properly bringing heart, soul and an ability to relate to these characters. Those involved did a great job of translating that to the audience.

The Surreal Adventures of The Angry Redheaded Lawyer "Anna Christie," a play by Eugene O'Neill

Eugene O'Neill's story, “Anna Christie” (directed by Peter Richards) is the tale of a young woman who returns to the town where her father lives to get away from some unpleasantness in her past and accompanies him on his barge where she finds love and has to grapple with her role as a woman of her time along with the expectations of both her father and her love. Can you say “relevant?” How many women are still judged for the things Anna finds herself being denigrated for and forced to survive in a world where a man certainly won't take care of them nor look out for their best interests?

Photo by Maria Baranova - Glenna Freedman PR

I absolutely love this venue. The Wild Project is set up in a space with raised seating as you go up in the rows and is a more traditional venue in the midst of apartment buildings in the East Village, an area where you'd be more likely to see something underground and more hipster like. The raised seating is awesome for being able to see a show without having to contort around someone who's taller or has a fatter head. I also appreciate the reserved seating in a portion of the auditorium where I didn't feel like I was being put on the spot or going to be harassed by anyone when I was simply there to write this review.

Photo by Maria Baranova - Glenna Freedman PR

That being said, the acting in this show was without a doubt superb. I also liked the realistic atmosphere with the fog and cigarette smoking of the early scenes between Anna Christopherson (Therese Plaehn) and Marthy Ownen (Tina Johnson), a lady friend of Anna's father Chris Christopherson (Stephen D'Ambrose). You can definitely see the love Chris has for his daughter though he's absolutely aghast at the horrors Anna has endured by living on the farm and eventually turning to prostitution despite his trying to make life better for her than growing up on the high seas with him.

Photo by Maria Baranova - Glenna Freedman PR

The end of Anna's story should give womankind some hope. Her prospective fiance, a rescued sailor named Mat Burke (Ben Chase) does eventually accept her for doing what she must to survive, believes that she loves him and that she isn't going to return to her past dealings as a prostitute. I did wonder there since oftentimes in real life, even in today's time, the suitor of a woman who'd been raped by a relative who eventually turns to prostitution in order to survive on her own instead of having to remain in the prison created by her rapist would likely prove to be a liar in claiming to love her.

Photo by Maria Baranova - Glenna Freedman PR

Of course, one can't forget about the dedicated and sage Johnny-The Priest (Scott Aiello) who keeps our lead characters comfortably satiated with their drinks and listens when they speak. He was definitely accurate as a bartender to where I hope the actors weren't given real alcohol while performing.

Photo by Maria Baranova - Glenna Freedman PR

This show is definitely worth seeing and if you aren't the type who is sensitive to herbal cigarette smell or water based fog, you will definitely see parallels to your own life if you are a parent, a person who's had to fight for acceptance in life or have had to deal with an older relative who didn't approve of your relationship with his or her offspring/niece or nephew/grandkid/etc. Universal and timeless stories are a hit with me and this show was no exception.

Photo by Maria Baranova - Glenna Freedman PR

The Surreal Adventures of The Angry Redheaded Lawyer: "I Love Being Here With You" featuring Natalie Arneson

After seeing Natalie's last show “Mama Drama,” (http://www.womanaroundtown.com/sections/playing-around/mama-drama-sentimental-and-a-must-see-for-young-mothers-in-nyc-2) I was looking forward to seeing her next show. Her latest installment, a tribute to Peggy Lee entitled “I Love Being Here With You,” did not disappoint.

This show offered the perfect pairing with the famous Don't Tell Mama, a venue I'd heard raves about for years and wanted to go to but had never had the opportunity to patronize. It's a small but very intimate, cozy setting with a staff whose caring shines through. Don't Tell Mama was definitely a proper setting for this tribute to the gifted, unique and sassy Peggy Lee who I didn't know very much about but who definitely sounds like a woman after my own heart in many ways.

From “Mama Drama,” we heard the Disney Princess side of Natalie's voice. In this show, we hear Jazz Natalie. Under the musical direction of Matt Baker (who doubles as the pianist in this musical journey alongside bassist Adam Kabak and drummer Pete Zimmer), we are taken on a journey into the world of one of the most prolific, unique and bold women to ever live in her own time or anyone else's. Peggy Lee was a woman of depth, vision and timelessness. She is the person responsible for Ray Charles, as she gave him the opportunity to share his musical talents with the world while others of her day turned him away due to his drug problems. She also wrote the score to “Lady and the Tramp,” retired at the age of 23 but came back to the music industry after a relentless pursuit by the newly formed Capitol Records and clearly held her own in a world where men typically called the shots.

Natalie brings Peggy's catalog to life and demonstrates how timeless Peggy Lee's music and story really are. “My Man,” for instance is the lament of Everywoman, especially the single women of New York City. We have “Fever,” “It's a Good Day,” “He's a Tramp” and countless other musical gems which Natalie delivers with heart along with stories of Peggy's life and times delivered with a comfortable charm and ease. This show reminded me of events I have seen through a friend's musical collective called The Salon, which is responsible for a yearly party called the Liberty Belle Spectacular (among other events).

The music was definitely rocking and you just felt like dancing at points. The show is definitely family friendly (as I saw young children here), accurate to the era but also modern at the same time. My guest pointed out some performance shortcomings but these were not things I noticed and regardless of if any exist, this was still a show I enjoyed and would recommend to others.

The Surreal Adventures of The Angry Redheaded Lawyer: "Vera & Valya & The Magical One Cat Circus" by Reckless Tricycle

Reckless Tricycle, a self described “young company interested in clowns, animals, dark farces and dumb ideas turned beautiful” brings its first offering to the New York stage in “Vera & Valya & The Magical One Cat Circus” at Standard Toykraft in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. This show is “a farce based on age old Russian fairy tales.” Though this is no way my field of expertise, I did find this show very entertaining.

This is the tale of two sisters, Vera (Sarah Traisman) and Valya (Nadja Leonhard-Hooper) who are cursed in their own ways. Vera is incapable of telling a lie at all and Valya falls in love with anyone who comes through the door to their small home out in the middle of nowhere part of Russia. Vera and Valya desperately want the great Victor Voronin (Jeremy Brick), the owner of the Moscow Cat Theater to recruit their magical cat Skaza (which means “furry tail”) for his show. Vera wrote Victor Voronin some years back and the sisters continue to train and await his arrival to see their great cat Skaza in action.

Reckless Tricycle, a young-and-hungry troupe of comedic writer/actors, makes its New York debut with "Vera & Valya & The Magical One Cat Circus," a farce based on age-old Russian fairytales, November 3 to 19, 2016 at Standard ToyKraft, 722 Metropolitan Ave., Brooklyn. The piece is conceived and written by Nadja Leonhard-Hooper and co-directed by her and Olivia McGiff with dramaturgy by Liesl Schillinger. L: Nadja Leonhard-Hooper as Vera. C: Collin Knopp-Schwyn as the Cat. R: Sarah Traisman as Valya. Photo by Jonathan Slaff.

Meanwhile Andrei (Patrick Brady), a detective who hunts for missing children, poses as Victor Voronin and proclaims that the sisters have actually tricked a small boy into believing he is a cat. As the sisters can't have their cat taken away if they want to achieve glory in the Moscow Cat Theater, they tie Andrei up until they can figure out what to do. While they are deciding Andrei's fate, the real Victor Voronin arrives to see this amazing act he's heard so much about.

Vera and Valya believe the Moscow Cat Theater is a theater patronized by cats but it turns out the cats are only the performers. Victor wants Skaza for their act but the sisters declare that Skaza only performs for other cats. Andrei escapes, the cast suddenly launches into a musical number and each sister's curse ends up being broken. Vera tells Victor where he can create the illusion of a magical cat that turns out to lead to the home of Baba Yaga, a which who will eat him just as she does all the capitalists. Valya declares she is no longer in love with Victor after he threatens to make Vera disappear.

In the absurd comedy "Vera & Valya & The Magical One Cat Circus" by Nadja Leonhard-Hooper, two sisters of Yaroslavl train a magical cat, hoping someday to join the illustrious Moscow Cat Theatre. L-R: Nadja Leonhard-Hooper as Vera, one of the two sisters (who falls in love with everone who comes through her door), Patrick Brady as a detective impersonating the producer of the Moscow Cat Theatre, Sarah Traisman as Valya, the other sister (who cannot tell a lie). Photo by Jonathan Slaff.

The venue is a literal warehouse space in so “underground” theater. If you long for the days where you could go to a show without pretension, barriers or stuffiness, you definitely have to check out Standard Toykraft in particular. I felt like I was attending a show in someone's indoor backyard in terms of design and lighting and loved the informality of the setting. They even had benches on the side for seating and a hanging basket chair in the lobby I had fun sitting and swinging in.

However, one should not equate informality to amateurism. This cast was amazing, especially Collin Knopp-Schwyn, who played Skazka (the magical cat). He conducted himself as a better cat than any human performer I have seen. He did the cat movements pitch perfect and sold this brilliantly even when I was watching and wondered if he was going to be able to keep the cat movements such as jumping. I love when he moved the hoop down to his level to jump through it with his “paw” as that's something my old cat Stormy would do if you held a treat up too high for his liking. In a twist of irony, Stormy was a Russian Blue.

There was interaction with the audience, a live mirroring exercise between the two Victors, a calling out of the accordion player who provided musical accompaniment and plenty of funny moments. No dull moments in this one though I'm not sure if this is the show to take small children to unless you are a more liberal parent. Teens would be fine, perhaps older or more precious children could understand and follow the humor of this story.

Here's hoping we see more from Reckless Tricycle through The Tank or some other venue.

Front row-- L: Sarah Traisman as Valya, C: Collin Knopp-Schwyn as the Cat, R: Nadja Leonhard-Hooper as Vera. Behind-- L: Patrick Brady as a detective impersonating the producer of the Moscow Cat Theatre. R: Jeremy Brick as Producer of the Moscow Cat Theatre. Photo by Jonathan Slaff.

Halloween Costumes in the Workplace, Truths You Can't Unlearn and Things You Can't Unsee

Life has overtaken my ability to write things lately. It's hard to be able to sit and write when you're constantly going to events, friends are taking you out, you've got fashion shows/rehearsals/houseguests/bugs to kill/work assignments/Song Pop 2 games and have decided "fuck it" for online dating and guys who make zero effort to spend time with you (well, anyone really).

Today, I wore my costume to work. I was Goth Bunny with emphasis on the "Goth" part. I figured it was something not requiring too much financial investment, I had the clothing for it and it was a means to reclaim a part of my past. At one point, I thought I was goth but it turns out that wasn't the case; sure, Vampire Boy was a goth/punk guy (so not full on "goth" in the true sense) but I never viewed myself as Cindy Sanders (the cheerleader from Freaks and Geeks) like Coney Island Guy did. I had some goth friends but I really came to the realization I wasn't a goth after being forced to go to my ex's sister's funeral a month and a half after my father's. Plus, I'm not nearly as pessimistic as I'd thought I was.

Nobody else had costuming except one judge and her staff; they are cool by definition for that. Other lawyers may be old farts but this woman refuses to become one, ever.

Remember, you're speaking of the woman who wore a tiara to school for a week as a high school senior to protest the draconian administration who refused to let anyone have fun at all. There were no senior pranks or senior skip days so I felt like my spirit was being stifled and didn't appreciate it. No one could nail me for wearing one b/c it wasn't banned in the dress code (which I also had issues with). Lots of people complimented me on it and found it fun. As my mother says, you have to make your own fun in life. This is one way I rebelled.

My mother also loves Halloween and dresses up for it to go trick or treating with the grandkids. I remember her wearing costumes to her jobs. I think something inside you is dead if you don't want to wear a costume on Halloween or have any day where you just get silly; you're what I consider a boring old fart & someone I have no interest in spending time with. I could have stayed married if I wanted to be around boring old farts.

I also wore my costume to a Halloween party and despite being covered and technically in proper court attire (long skirt, Lenore T-shirt, black coverup), I had to hit 2 guys at separate times for getting fresh. One also gave me a flower at random, another was a friend who danced with me and I felt like "How come you're not trying to meet ladies here? I've made it clear I have no romantic interest."

Don't you hate when your guy friends are cunt blocking you? This is why I will not take my law school friend out with me if I want to meet guys & don't trust him if he wanted me to be his wingwoman. He'd be sabotaging me in 2 seconds, I'm certain of it. Just a serious intuition I have.

It looks like my intuition is pretty good so far. I was right when I sensed he hated his old job & he didn't love his ex-girlfriend. My intuition says this guy has never made an emotional investment in a relationship. I spoke to his ex recently; she wanted to catch up & I hope she finds that better guy I know she's capable of getting who'll give her that investment. The guy I made the most investment in totally betrayed me but it's spooky that Psycho Boy outright told me way back when I put up walls and never let anyone in & I see my friend doing the same damn thing. I told him I of all people should not be the one telling him to stop doing that if he ever wants to find happiness in the romantic sense; seriously, I don't think I should have to have that conversation with anyone & if I am saying this, he ought to think hard about that.

I limit my emotional investment in people a lot, especially in dating and probably not in the healthiest of ways but I am aware of it and have tried to work on a balance so I'm not completely hard and can let go a little without feeling like I'm letting anyone think they can destroy me like my ex tried to. Fortunately, I'm not the only woman who's had guys abandon her and never make effort. I've just lost interest in online dating and that whole pursuit b/c I can't deal with the time wasting. I need a dude to actually be serious about hanging out with me & I'm not looking for marriage or meeting parents or anything big and scary. I also need a lot of time to feel comfortable and like someone is trustworthy along with being my intellectual and looks peer.

Though it seems even if you invest time in someone, they can still prove to be a big fat liar. This guy who'd helped me in 2 moves during my survival time was recently outed as an STD spreading, adultering con man. One woman he'd conned had known him from childhood & I thought of people I knew in childhood; I'd never see them being this way. It would be like my law school friend having a secret wife, children, an STD and a fiancee while sleeping with me and half of the straight girls in NYC. I'd wonder when he had time to do all that & how in God's name he got THAT shady considering he told me he wasn't the type to blackmail people with their secrets. I never got involved with the con artist since I just wasn't feeling it, he works in my industry (I have a strict policy against shitting where I eat) and I was seeing other dudes at that time. I was also honest about my situation unless I got forced to lie for survival, actually got a divorce vs. staying married and telling people I was separated/divorced when I wasn't and never dealt with any guy I didn't at least like as a human being even if he wasn't my physical type. That's part of my personal code.

Even when I was using guys for sex and liked the kindness, I did eventually fess up to that fact; no one got mad at me for it, which shocked me. I've met quite a few guys who have more of a female mentality than I do. I wondered if the reason I didn't get involved with this guy was my intuition saying not to somewhere really deep inside (since I never got creeper vibes), I was a better con artist or even amidst the hell that was my life in those days, some force was watching out for me. I felt pretty forsaken 2.5 years ago & really didn't know if I was going to live or die in the next few weeks or months.

Lots of stuff has been going on and a few truths have come up that I just can't unlearn: first off, the mystique of guys has worn off for me. Second, the facade of relationships and happy couples has also vanished for me. Even the cutest guy you meet has flaws and his ordinary moments and mundane tasks in his life. There's no magic world only the beautiful people live in where they are immune from sickness, pain, anger, sadness, guilt, joy or any other universal truths. They still have bed hair and stomach cramps and unpleasant habits you have to deal with; the question is do you want to deal with those. Take it from someone who's a member of that club.

I'm not sure if this is me being further along in life age wise or mentally (where I was always ahead anyway) or I've become really jaded but once you dated hotter guys, were married for years and see behind the curtain of the relationship of some "cute couple" that everyone idolizes, you can't unsee that stuff. You don't get to envy those people or believe their social media personas where it's all sunshine and roses. You don't get to believe they're exempt from the basic miseries of life or never have feelings.

This means when you bond with someone, you're bonding over the deeper connections. You realize a person is a whole person, not just the model or actor or career professional or hottie persona they present to the world at large & that if you put in an emotional investment, you know it's in the entire person (not just the persona or the parts you like about them). I've said for years that love is acceptance; if you can't accept the whole person, you can never really love him/her. It's just like loving and accepting yourself, another necessary condition to loving someone else.

That said, I have a lot of issues with the whole concept of "love" in a Romeo and Juliet sense. I never lived or died for anyone, including my ex-husband even in the happiest days of that relationship. Some days I'm still shocked I was able to love anyone in a romantic way considering my father fucked up that whole concept with his alcoholism. I didn't and don't feel like I have to be emotionally abused or treated badly to feel loved; I just feel like people who do that & claim to love me are big fat liars when they say they love me. I just don't trust someone who says "I love you" in a romantic sense. A total of now 6 guys have said that to me; I feel most of them said it in lust & the rest just wanted to manipulate me emotionally. None really accepted me the person for everything I am and everything I'm not.

A guy I just started seeing told me yesterday (while drunk) that he thinks he's falling in love with me. That spooks me some since I feel like I don't know him well enough to make that call. I also need a LOT of time to get to know someone, feel like I can trust them with the really deep shit (I'll talk about all sorts of stuff but there are things I'll never discuss and emotions I'll never express unless I'm really comfortable with someone & don't think they'll use that against me later) & that they care about me, value me, regard me. It's like "Are you going to ask me for exclusivity? Are you going to smother me? Do I need to be freaked out? What gives?"

I asked him about this today while he was sober (which he confirmed) and explained my isms. Another truth I can't unlearn: guys fall in love with me left & right. I'm not sure if I'm cursed or just seem to attract clingers. I've got to talk to a certain older lawyer friend about this one. Maybe he's got some views on the subject; maybe his girlfriend says "I love you" and he doesn't say it back like my law school friend did with his ex. Had my law school friend loved her, he'd have said that publicly & unabashedly. He'd have acted like a man in love & I knew from one private conversation he wasn't, having been in love myself before and knowing him so well.

My intuition also says if the law school friend pursued me, he'd probably end up falling for me as well & I don't think he'd be able to handle it at all (less so than me, who couldn't handle that and would feel like a scared rabbit in a corner since you can't use your tactics on guys with guy friends who were there for you in deep personal crises). One mutual friend has predicted marriage, which I'm not seeing at this point but I didn't see him being a man and setting his ex free to find a man who'd treasure her & give her the things she wants either. I figured we'd be at their wedding and I'd have to say something meaningful about how they weren't entering in love & were making a mockery of marriage as well as trying to bring innocent children into a lie. I would have had to say something so I could live with myself & told him outright if he wasn't happy, he needed to end it and not lead her on to later betray her like my ex betrayed me.

That guy is like an annoying younger brother I got stuck with & didn't really ask for but I feel like if I weren't around to knock him down a few notches or share some life truths, he'd end up even more screwed up. I've been told he'd miss me if I were gone; that felt good but I wish he'd told ME that. I actually do love him like the younger brother I don't have since that's something I can give to someone. He's never done true pursuit or put himself out there for me to decide if I could love him in a Romeo & Juliet sense. I can't make a guy care or bother with me so I'm not going to beg or demean myself to get any of them to do it, least of all this one. Plus I think he's the type who just wants what he can't have and that's a path which will only lead you to misery. Thanks, Bonnie Raitt. I was thinking of her song "I Can't Make You Love Me."

There are some lessons people have to learn on their own. You can speak once but you can't end someone's denial or change their life patterns. They have to see them and make effort to fix them. I think the con guy's wife, who is apparently aware of his misdeeds and hasn't left him or thrown him out while financially supporting his ass, could be in denial or believe the situation is fixable. It took me a long time to see what everyone else was saying about my ex. Denial and believing you can fix things in a marriage is a powerful emotional state. You don't want to believe what people say about your love but eventually, things happen and your vision gets clear. When you are awakened, you start to see what they told you all along & wonder why it took you so long to see it.

I can't unlearn that everything you see that's shiny about relationships and people is hiding some type of unpleasantness or weird habit or quirk or something shocking. I can't believe in fairy tales. I can't unsee the evidence of this guy I know being a scumbag & think to myself of how fortunate I was not to have gotten in deep enough to be a victim of that misery. I can't unhear the guy I just met saying that he thinks he's falling in love with me (something I'm not quite sure how to feel about since I've not answered the question in my head "could I spend my life with him?").

My first name means "advisor." I like to think people see me as one in various ways. It does no good to live hard times if you aren't sharing your knowledge and wisdom from surviving the storms. Perhaps I'm getting more zen with life?

The Trouble With Men and Dating

Navigating the dating scene when you're divorced is a huge pain in the ass. After the euphoria of realizing you are free, the world is your oyster and those men are on you faster than you can blink (seriously, it's apparently a thing if you're a recently divorced woman; I lived some of that), you slip into some more normalcy.

My moment of dating normalcy came about when I got close to a friend with benefits who fit a million things I want & when I didn't feel suffocation after he called me his "girlfriend" at a fancy event where calling someone your "fuck buddy" would be awkward and creepy. He could have said "my friend" but he called me "girlfriend." It was eerie when I felt proud of that instead of freaked out. That was my "you're making progress" moment. So, having agreed we were cool with this we became exclusive boyfriend/girlfriend.

Life took him out of NYC but after seeing him a few days ago, I still realized there's heat with us. He told me seeing me on the subway was a turn on and up to when we did it (because why wouldn't you with the last boyfriend you had who you'd still sleep with exclusively if he lived in your city) was foreplay. We all deserve a guy who just being with or thinking about puts a smile on our faces. I know I do. I was getting turned on by him holding my hand while we were waiting for his bus to board.

So I came back to the dating scene after that relationship with a discrete mission: training wheels. 3 guys to do the same stuff my cadre was doing for me but this time, it'd be guys I'd consider for future boyfriend instead of dudes where I saw zero future and felt no actual attraction would ever build. I still get approached by those guys but I'm on a specific mission now. So far, my last boyfriend has been a hard act to follow. No one's come close to him. It's amazing he's 27 and far more mature than my ex-husband and my law school friend combined.

I don't think I'll be talking to that law school friend anymore, bringing me to my first issue with men: mixed signals. Do not hug your friend "bye," grab her boob and her butt and then tell her days later you wouldn't want to be a training wheels guy (since if you've been friends with that girl for over a decade, claim to respect her, once asked her if she'd consider you if she got divorced from her husband, and have semi-been there for her in her times of emotional crisis there's no way you can treat her like some whore & everyone knows it). Sorry but if you're touching private parts on me, that tells me you are interested. If I didn't push you away or tell you to stop, that means I'm interested. This isn't rocket science.

The basic view I take of a training wheels guy is we go out, have sex and we see where things go. I'm not asking for marriage or meeting families or to adopt babies or move in together. Simple, basic stuff. I can't even handle that stuff now.

Also, as pertains to this guy he doesn't have the right to act like a jealous boyfriend and trash guys I date or sleep with when I never did that to him. I didn't trash his recent ex-girlfriend when they were dating. I didn't trash girls he tried asking out or doing anything with. He's also kind of a moron to leave this woman dissatisfied then think women in my circle aren't going to ask me about him if he pursues them.

Now this guy could redeem himself and not lead me to think he'd never be able to handle a natural redhead, is all talk and no action (since he claimed to me at one time he'd be the best guy I'd ever be with) & certainly not a threesome with one (which he's asked me about despite knowing I'm straight & his not be willing to do that for me with another guy; he even went so far as to talk to other women he was pursuing about doing a threeway with him and me). I find it laughable he thinks he could handle a threeway with one who's a natural redhead if he couldn't even do the job with one natural redhead.

Yeah, women don't like mixed signals. Certainly not women who've lived what I have; I shouldn't have to be the guy in the interaction. Men usually complain about women sending mixed signals. I definitely don't do that. If I want a guy to do stuff to me, he will know it.

We also hate head games. I hate head games, at least. This is another problem I have with this guy & men in general. You don't grope me one day and a few days later, tell me you're not interested (since you already had piss poor sex with me & you're not going to be able to walk from me after you do it with me in light of the history and skill you know zip about).

Lots of guys who didn't know me became obsessed with me in that regard and certainly wouldn't trash me in that department. Even in the first day of my time of the month when I've got lots of cramps I can take Midol and perform if I'm turned on enough. I bring my best every single time, which is why I'm picky about who I do that with. I'm not going to waste my time feigning interest I don't really have. I feel that's dishonest and I feel bad about having used guys for sex when I was emotionally dead inside though none of the ones involved seemed broken up over it; it was more "Thank you, ma'am! May I have another?"

Women who've actually lived life have no time or patience for head games. I'm not going to play you want me today & you don't tomorrow. You either want me 24/7 or you can go fuck yourself. I'll certainly find others who want me 24/7/365. No loss to me. Hilarious I find 20 somethings who don't play that & my friend of the same age as me can't get that. It's a form of lying in my eyes.

Let's also address how men never seem to get the concept of middle ground: it's always sex robot or wife to them. Why, oh WHY, can't you people get that some women don't want to be treated like whores (and for the record, there's a big difference b/t using sex to cope with the destruction of your entire life & taking advantage of situations so you can move forward in life vs. making non-exclusivity your way of life for all time with no end date in sight & being with guys you don't even like as human beings) but don't want to get married?

I just got legally divorced & had the love of my life full on betray me; excuse me for not wanting to instantly jump into another exclusive relationship. Excuse me for not wanting to meet a guy's parents after my mother in law disrespected my grief over my father's death & did zip to try preserving the sanctity of marriage. This is why I'd prefer a guy whose parents are dead, however callous that sounds or a guy who isn't shoving me in as a love interest. I could meet parents as a friend since most parents don't judge, scrutinize and declare friends aren't "good enough" for their "baby."

On the flip side, excuse the fuck out of me for knowing my worth!!! Excuse me for insisting on a basic level of respect since I exist in the world, have survived the things I have and am doing a hell of a lot better than a lot of women in my shoes would have been. Could YOU do that? I'll bet you couldn't if you were in my shoes with the resources I've had. I especially hate people who've never been in my shoes daring to judge me for things I've done or tell me how to live when some of us didn't get trust funds or Mommy and Daddy right around the corner. Don't come to me with how great and strong you are when you're living off a relative; that's not the same as my situation. The best you can do for me is help me or stay out of my way.

Also, excuse the fuck out of me for being smart and pretty and knowing what I want!! I shouldn't have to dull my light or make myself lesser to make anyone feel better about themselves. I had my ex try that before & refuse to relive that. That's why I'm pursuing guys who have things of their own instead of trying to take from me or destroy me to lift themselves up. I want men for my training wheels, not little boys. If I wanted a boy, I'd go crawling back to my ex.

Oh, and maybe the biggest complaint out there: thinking women should have to settle. Nope. I'm not going to settle. I'm not obligated to go out with every guy who asks nor am I obligated to sleep with all of them. My vagina isn't a restaurant. I can discriminate on any factor I want including age, race, gender, etc. Let me stick to my type; if you don't fit it, don't go all used car salesman on me. You don't know my history, my experiences or any of that.

Plus why would you want to be with some girl who won't feel any interest in you? Wouldn't you prefer someone who WOULD be turned on by you or feels attraction could build over time? I had my last boyfriend; I deserve that caliber of guy & I'm not going for second best just b/c it's convenient. I could just get a vibrator and a cat or see about that male sex robot if I get horny and disenchanted enough.

I won't play for the other team as that's not my thing; I can't change that so sorry, I'm not bisexual, will never be bisexual & didn't even do that threeway for my ex-husband. So it makes this soon to be ex-friend's statements even more incredulous to me. He's not into certain things I'm into that are far less extreme but in the same general freakiness wheel house yet he wants to do that. I think he should just find 2 random women to do that with it, get it done and shut up about it. Excuse the hell out of me for not being a lesbian or bisexual!! Some guy ought to be delighted I won't leave his ass for a woman or seek that touch instead of his; be glad I like heterosexual sex and the real thing on a level that can't even be contemplated.

Some days I feel like I'm fighting a one woman war to keep my standards while everyone around me (men especially) is telling me to settle for things I don't want or to put up with more BS. I need training wheels to redeem my faith in men, not encourage me to get a sex robot.

Another interesting observation I've made is guys aren't these mythical gods who exist on a different plane than women. They've got jobs and hassles as well; it seems many you'd think are getting laid a lot really aren't. So I'd think my little proposal would appeal to them and they'd shape up for that but noooo....God forbid they have to deal with a woman who's got multiple guys while they have multiple girls or who knows what she's seeking or demands some standards for herself. I've been told I intimidate men; I don't think that's a bad, horrible thing by a long shot. I say if you can't take the heat, get your ass out of the kitchen.

Though living it, I'll still take dating over being married to my ex. Possibility is always better than known misery.