People Who Should Be Punched In the Face

Ideally, I'd love some people to be punched so hard even plastic surgery won't get them back to their former glory. For one thing, I suspect some retaliation going on with Verizon because of me complaining about shoddy service. Magically, on a sunny day, my landline goes out & Internet gets buggy.

I speak to my contact in the Executive Customer Service Center about this & how I suspect it's retaliation (especially considering a Verizon truck was spotted working on equipment in our area, then vanishes & problems result). Gee, what would YOU conclude with all this & my prior experiences? I also called up my local city councilperson's office quite angry yesterday.

Based on the attitude I got in my Senate person's office, I'll be making certain not to vote for Michael Gianaris when he's up for re-election. My e-mail inquiring on his stance toward indie film companies didn't go through (since in his newsletter sent to my home some time back, there's this big story about how he's helping the entertainment industry in NYC) so I have to wonder if he, like Bloomberg, thinks only rich companies & people have rights. I wouldn't be shocked if the answer was "yes." I think most politicians are drastically overpaid & there's certainly enough evidence of it that I don't have to link salary listings for you. A lot of them have also forgotten just who they work for. The Occupy protests are shining examples of this.

But, onto those specific people I think should be punched (alongside corporate assholes, rude folk & people claiming the protestors should stop protesting & "get jobs" while suppressing the right to protest). More interesting & appalling Craig's List ads ahead.

Video editing and production intern (Chelsea)

Date: 2011-08-15, 8:07PM EDT
Reply to: job-37ued-2548830833@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]


Video production company seeking a talented intern with an interest in editing, production and marketing for video. Approx. 2-3 days/wk. Please apply if you are able to commit at least 15 hours/wk (up to 25/wk). Internship will be split between editing, production, marketing and clerical.

Ideal candidate will have above average written and verbal communication skills and be comfortable with speaking to clients and vendors on the phone and in person.

- Should be reliable, punctual and organized
- Candidates should have their own MAC laptops
- Candidates with experience in editing and who are working toward becoming editors are preferred. Please note your skill level in Final Cut Pro, After Effects and Photoshop.

Duties would include organizing office, scheduling editing sessions and crews, assisting on video shoots, making phone calls, media logging and transferring, preparing footage for editing, editing small video projects, assisting on large editing projects and crafting emails.

Please reply to this posting with a resume, brief cover letter describing your goals and experience and provide any video samples. Include your contact info in email body. Again, please only apply if you are able to commit at least 15 hours/wk (up to 25/wk). We will be contacting people ASAP.

My problems with this ad are A) attempts to exploit experienced people by making them work as interns (my company, for the record, has never done this & has more respect for people than that), B) zero reimbursement for using personal equipment or travel (which is scuzzy if you ask me) & C) asking for 25 hours a week. The average day job is 40 hours a week & these days, most ask for more. Plus, for 3 days at 25 hours: that's a shift at a full time job (8 hours).

This strikes me as illegal under federal & state labor law. Seeing such ads tells me "I don't have a lawyer either in-house or outside my company. I'm a moron & will not go anywhere."

But it does get worse.

Film Finance Company Seeks Full Time Intern (Flatiron)

Date: 2011-08-15, 6:33PM EDT
Reply to: job-sz5q4-2548670456@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]


A New York City-based film finance company is looking for a full time office intern with exceptional communication and organizational skills. The individual should be interested in film finance but also have experience working in an office or as a personal assistant. Tasks will include a full range of administrative duties as well as script coverage and creative work. The internship will start unpaid with the potential for compensation in time and all the perks of working for a film company. Position requires 4-5 days work a week, starts immediately in New York City.

Interested candidates should reply to this ad with a resume and cover letter listing all relevant experience.

Compensation: unpaid with potential for future pay
This is an internship job
Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

PostingID: 2548670456

Totally ILLEGAL to have a "full time intern." And why the hell would anyone work full time for no pay? Even a millionaire would want some type of return on their free labor & certainly would want that. This is sick & insulting.

Furthering the insulting & illegal internships category is this gem.

Ent. Writers Needed Established NYC Entertainment Group! (Chelsea)

Date: 2011-08-16, 2:40AM EDT
Reply to: job-rwhqf-2549244904@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]


Are you interested in pursuing a career in entertainment, specifically in the field of writing? Is your writing ability one to brag about? Does your style and passion separate you from the rest?

Come intern with us!

We are a rapidly expanding entertainment group with offices in Chelsea that has worked with well-known clients and brands like Mos Def, SummerStage, John Legend, Ciara, Rihanna, MTV, BET, Heineken, Bacardi, Miramax, and America's Next Top Model.

This fall we will be working on a slew of exciting projects which include producing a feature-length film, producing a citywide music festival, launching a network of entertainment-based blogs, and overseeing the music careers of several popular music artists, producers, and songwriters.

WRITING INTERNS must have eloquent writing skills, and an extended background in some sort of journal, poetry, essay and/or creative writing. Each intern must also have wealth of interest and knowledge in the music, film, and/or fashion worlds.

Furthermore, ALL INTERNS must be creative, willing to think outside of the box, reliable, motivated, problem solvers, out-going, and detail oriented with the ability to be a team player or a self-starter. Computer, oral and written communication, and people skills are a must.

This is a very BIG opportunity for all who apply so please, ONLY SERIOUS INQURIES!

Do you have what it takes to join our team?

If so, please send a brief email explaining why we should bring you on board!

Email us all of the following:

● Full Name
● Email Address
● Phone Number
● A brief introduction to who you are, what you are currently involved with, like school or personal projects, and what you think you can bring to our company
● Links to your Facebook account and any website(s) that you have.


If you are interested email us back immediately.

If we feel that you have what it takes, we will be in touch to schedule an interview.

The internship is a 4-month long internship with lots of room for growth.

We look forward to hearing from you!

Wow, go fuck yourself. First off, when someone's got experience at something they aren't a damn intern!!! They are a professional & should be compensated according to market rates.

Second, if your company has worked with big name clients (and this goes for all you name droppers) then chances are you've got the means to pay a professional what (s)he is worth. If you do not, you need to carefully evaluate what kind of opportunity working with you is going to give someone & how much you can realistically ask of someone working for free.

I'd wager a lot of money that most of these people promising paid employment at some future date aren't proving written internship agreements or putting that little promise in writing. If you take an internship with someone who makes this empty promise & doesn't back it up in writing, you've now been warned.

Rule of life, I suppose: if a person promises something but won't memorialize it in writing, it means they are full of crap & going to scam you sooner or later.

Finally, you expect unpaid interns to provide links to social media websites? I can understand asking to see a writing portfolio but what I look like has zero to do with writing. Asking for this stuff is nothing but a big judge fest, in my book.

This is an employer's attempt to find something they don't like about someone so they can reject them. Whether it's a legally protected category like race, age, religion, etc. or something like who you voted for in the last election or how you feel about a controversial topic like abortion, gun rights, the Occupy protests, the death penalty or even if you think Casey Anthony got away with murder, I as an employer would not want to see someone's Facebook pages. It's one thing for an employer to Google you & find things that way (which I also take issue with but you can read further back for my stance on that issue) but if you're making your Facebook page private, not friending everyone in sight & taking precautions so an employer couldn't find it on his/her own in a Google search, you've got every right to say "Hell no! I'm not giving you that as a condition to interviewing me."

I would NEVER in a trillion years give someone access to MY Facebook page if they were considering me for a job or an employer. Nor would I friend any co-worker from a job where I could get fired for being myself. Unless you make express, written agreement to let me be me on my own pages, you don't get to be my Facebook friend. End of story, case closed.

Employers need to stop acting like their staff's mommies & daddies. It's a big reason I'm not in favor of working for corporations or large businesses.

And, last I checked, NONE of you corporate executives or heads of big businesses were saints!!! Don't pretend that you are; even the Bible says "Judge not lest ye be judged also." I certainly never claimed I was & wouldn't expect employees to be moral paragons either.

Now, another dick expecting free professional writing services:

Writer intern for Universal Records (Midtown East)

Date: 2011-11-08, 7:20AM EST
Reply to: gigs-jm5qn-2691243569@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]


I run an indie label with distribution though Universal Music Group. We are currently looking for writers with expertise in writing business letters, proposals and press releases. This job could lead to a future paid position. Please note: you must own a lap top and live in NYC. If interested please forward your resume and contact info.

it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Compensation: no pay

PostingID: 2691243569

I responded to this one earlier but apparently the ad is no longer active, which I think is awesome.

Do you know that it's illegal to require interns to have ANY previous experience? You ad says you're "currently looking for writers with expertise in writing business letters, proposals and press releases." It's also insulting to call a professional writer an "intern." Tell me, how does that benefit a professional in ANY way, shape or form? It doesn't! It's a step backwards!

And I see no mention of reimbursing anyone for the use of their PERSONAL laptop for YOUR company's work. Nor do I see a travel requirement but I have a feeling if there is one, you'd presume some professional writer who gets paid to write is going to fall all over himself/herself to PAY to do YOUR work via transit costs. Metrocards aren't cheap! $4.50 round trip adds up & some of us don't make enough in a month to justify a $104 monthly pass EVERY SINGLE MONTH.

I'm also willing to bet a million dollars you expect this professional writing "intern" to put YOUR work ahead of any paid assignments or day jobs outside the field, thinking people's landlords, utility companies & the like will be fine accepting exposure and a smile instead of money for a place to live, food, power, etc.

Why don't you just call this what it is: an attempt to exploit a professional writer for your personal gain. Do YOU like to work for free? What if I offered YOU a job where you wouldn't get paid, called you MY intern, used YOUR expertise for free & then made you pay to travel to my office as well as use your personal resources for MY sole gain? I'd expect you'd tell me to fuck off.

How about opening your wallet & PAYING a professional for their quality + expertise instead of expecting a stranger to jump at the chance of being your "intern?" Or go ask a friend to do your freebies. As a professional writer who gets PAID for her services + an attorney/business owner, you need to get some empathy & some rational thinking skills. Otherwise, people will regularly tell you to fuck off & rightly so.

Craig's List isn't a networking group or your personal slave directory.

Don't forget that either. It ISN'T. Man, I want some people to be arrested in a criminal court for this sort of thing!

I've been getting paid to write, thank you. I don't perform free writing unless it's for my own projects like this blog or work with my own company or for my own performances where I have full creative control. Get the picture?

Not my problem that you can't write or aren't an attorney. Nor is it your problem that I have no mechanical skills or ability to fix a computer, lift heavy objects, etc.

This guy, oh he should be killed. That's all:

Personal Female Assistant

Date: 2011-11-01, 8:42PM EDT
Reply to: gigs-mycuu-2680593923@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

Business man seeks attractive female assistant for lunch time and/or after hours stress relieving rendezvous. Hand job required. Send photos and state what you are willing to do for a prompt reply. Pays up to $1000 per week.

it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Compensation: $1000 per week

PostingID: 2680593923

Hire a hooker, perv! I'd also love to see this guy's dick fall off. It would be poetic justice after all.

I was watching an episode of Disaster Date earlier & there was a date with an actor playing a chauvinist. Openly told the mark "Shut up! The men are talking here." Apparently, this date had escaped from Amish country but here's a little tip in dealing with me: if you EVER say something that to me or address me in a belittling fashion, expect me to kick you hard in the crotch, cut off your balls or otherwise do something very extreme that will render you unable to continue being a sexist douche. I would have punched him right in the face if I'd been that girl.

Famous people take note (especially James Belushi if you in fact actually did this): ask me to give you a blow job & I'll say you must really hate your dick b/c if I do that, I'll end up biting it off. That doesn't even go into what my husband will do to you & he'd probably kill you for doing less; like me, he doesn't care how famous you are or how much money you have. You may even cause trouble from a friend my husband hates who would love to be his replacement!

Plus, I was once offered $1,000 by a guy I went on my first date with to have sex with him (this was years later and he wasn't even close to rich); if I was ever selling sexual services, you'd have to start from there. Natural redheads are also the rarest people on the planet & have sexual myths + scientific studies making us more marketable on that end so you can't expect freebies. You want me to give you a blow job? At least offer a fair figure so I'll have a fun story to tell people later on.

Think very, very carefully about what you want the outcome to be in dealing with The Angry Redheaded Lawyer.

Better yet, do the same thing for all natural redheads & all female attorneys. It will make your life much easier & you won't end up like John Wayne Bobbit or a eunuch if they can't reattach your lost genitalia.

Yes, I bring lawyer analysis into situations like this. What's your point? I'm not going to do it but any business minded prostitute would consider those factors if she could use them to get a better rate.

More delusions:

intern (nyc)

Date: 2011-10-04, 12:38PM EDT
Reply to: gigs-qrby4-2632052483@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

Magazine CEO needs an intern (personal assistant) for up coming fashion show. Please send picture, resume, links, website and why you want to be a personal assistant.
This is an unpaid turned paid position. Best suited for college or post college student hungry and willing to work. There will be pay in the future.
Must be sociable, good with social media, public relation skills, able to go to industry events, office work, organization skills and creative.

Location: nyc
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Compensation: no pay


PostingID: 2632052483

More insults, illegality & asking for pictures. More obvious issues in lack of reimbursement, employment discrimination & the like. Can't we just shut these jerks down?

Finally, there's this ad that looks legit but not so fast...

Fall Interns Needed for BreakThru Radio (Chelsea)

Date: 2011-08-16, 9:29AM EDT
Reply to: job-nu4sx-2549427920@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

BreakThru Radio is looking for Fall Interns to join the BTR team. We are looking for individuals who have previous college radio skills and great writing skills in covering music and the culture for BreakThru Radio. You must have previous experience in the field. You will receive plenty of goodies in return for your awesome work and, yes, there are monetary incentives! Check us out at, www.breakthruradio.com.

If you love music, comedy, culture and radio and think that you would be an excellent team member, send us a cover letter and resume! Please list your 5 favorite music artists in your reply.

A little bit about BreakThru Radio: BreakThru Radio is "Radio Rediscovered" in a world where FM is out of frequency. In today's overly saturated music market, it is often difficult for listeners to find what they are looking for. BreakThru Radio has the solution. Listeners are given access to independent music from an expansive and diverse pool of genres, in addition to an innovative comedy platform. Offering the best in music from around the world, BreakThru Radio brings its listeners tracks recorded exclusively for the BTR audience from our live studio. BTR offers on-demand access to its shows and on-the-go iPod capability.

In today's overly saturated music market, it is often difficult for listeners to find what they are looking for. BreakThru radio has the solution. Listeners are given access to music from an expansive and diverse pool of genres in addition to an innovative comedy platform. Offering the best in music from around the world, BreakThru Radio brings its listeners tracks recorded exclusively for the BTR audience from our live studio. BTR offers, on-demand access to its shows, and on-the-go iPod capability. BreakThru Radio is "Radio Rediscovered" in a world where FM is out of frequency.


Compensation: TBD
This is an internship job
Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

PostingID: 2549427920

There's that pesky little illegality of demanding interns to have "prior experience" in the industry. Not cool & it's illegal.

Just come out & say you want volunteers or a barter arrangement. That is at least honest & not insulting people by calling them "interns."

Still have more things to rant about but wouldn't you agree that these people should be punched in the face? Not me but someone. If I went around punching people in the face, I'd never have time to do anything else.

A One Woman Crusade to Finally Get FiOS at My House

My husband expressed an interest in going into politics. Today, it seems that he's going to get his first taste of it. Here's why:

We've had Verizon for our home service since we moved to NYC in 2007. When we signed up, they had a local call center for issues, our landline & Internet rarely (if ever) went out & there was some professionalism there.

Since the massively over hyped Hurricane Irene blew through here, we lose our landline service & our Internet gets patchy every single time it rains. This has even happened on a mere drizzle. More than 3 times, we attempted to get a tech.

This means being connected to a foreign call center in India, where apparently they don't bother putting your problem as what it actually is. Instead, they put something that isn't the real problem. They also refuse to list the numbers as you tell them to. God forbid anyone in that section is allowed to use his/her own brain!

In our case, the representatives there put our issue as "no dial tone." Then, whenever our line came back, we'd get an automated phone call cancelling the tech appointment. We immediately called foul on it since that automated phone call continues nonstop until you do something about it.

Right after the hurricane, our phone line was out for about a week. A tech was scheduled on Saturday but because we don't have access to the building's backyard (this is city living for you) & our landlord wasn't around, they could not get back to look at it. An appointment was scheduled days later & we drove out to see family on Sunday. Unbeknownst to anyone, the tech showed up again on Sunday. That time, the landlord was able to let the person back there to fix the problem.

Three days later, when it rains, we lose our service again. This has continued in a pattern that proceeds, without fail.

Now, being The Angry Redheaded Lawyer, you know I'm not having that shit! I don't pay for things I didn't use or get & I call up to get bill credits. We've gotten quite a few because of all this. I will continue to do so since apparently, Verizon refuses to maintain their own equipment. At least the people in billing aren't asses about it & agree with my point on not paying for something you didn't even get.

More recently, my husband spoke to a tech who refused to come out after we'd waited all day for him (the call came at 5 p.m., the absolute latest time the tech was supposed to show up & after we'd had to change our plans for this visit). The tech then told him that because the company is spending money on FiOS, they aren't spending money on copper wiring (which we have since they've still not put in it despite telling us we'd have it "soon" even back to 2007). Essentially, we've been told "Fuck you! You don't have FiOS so we refuse to give you quality service."

Bill credits aren't bad but we'd like our service fixed & functional instead of this degraded mess that will likely go out for weeks if we get a winter like the one we had last year.

As this problem has continued, I decided to go higher up the chain & spoke to folks in the Executive Customer Service section. They seem to be more competent + have that link to people who can do something. Because of this and other departments I've dealt with, I'd rather keep what I have. I don't handle rudeness or incompetence & I'll pull the lawyer card out on that in a heartbeat. Plus, I have to keep my landline because my mother doesn't trust digital phone or cell service (look at what happens to it in a major crisis) & I don't want the entire planet to be able to reach me that easily. I do work in the entertainment business & I do have the right to be left alone + not hassled by strangers. I also have to provide contact information to the state licensing folk & no way will I give out a personal cell number for public use.

Since this issue appears to be above everyone else's heads (after an honest conversation with another rep today), we've decided it's time to take more steps. It was suggested that we call a commission that deals with utility services along with local politicians. It's nice that Election Day is right around the corner b/c I will remember rudeness & make damn sure to vote any rude asshole types out of local office the minute their term is up. Remember, you're known by the company you keep. If you're keeping patronizing scum around, that lends credence to my belief that you're in it for the bribes & not for everyone else. Same goes for indifference & not following up. If I have to chase you, then what are you really doing in your elected office? I'd say the answer is "nothing".

Calling the community board, we learned that we don't have a neighborhood association. Since this is hardly the only issue that seems call for an active, vocal neighborhood board that's not taking platitudes or shit (talk is cheap & unless you're taking action, I know your apology is an insulting attempt to try & patronize me, which won't work), it seems we're going to have to form it ourselves + find some people we know around here who may be living here a while & are interested. I think building owners are important for this since that says we matter, have a direct impact on things & a societal voice it behooves you to listen to.

Also, I think political figures & higher ups will respond more favorably to those people since they understand the scope of those types of jobs. Being able to speak someone's language or understand what their challenges are helps in persuasion. I've won arguments with businesses before because of knowing legal concepts & how the law applies them. You can be effective without resorting to profanity or personal attacks. I know I certainly can be.

Thus, this project begins. I also made sure to contact The Consumerist & will have to go to more media outlets if I don't like the response I get.

For those who may be thinking I'm overreacting, remember a few things:

1. Nothing ever got done by sitting on your ass and complaining. If people hadn't gotten off their asses, we'd still have slavery, no labor standards whatsoever & abortion would probably still be illegal (which it's not despite the anti-choice hypocrites).

2. Life/God/Karma helps those who help themselves. The mediocre & average folk don't get the rewards of risk takers & loud mouths who form coherent plans, then act on them.

3. Lastly, you try living in this situation & see how you like it. If you can get the resources for action, you take them. If you also are a high level exec, it's unconscionable not to tell some higher up in a company you're doing business with that they are shooting themselves in the foot. If I were a higher up in a business dealing with the public, I'd want to know about such things (sane, rational, reasonable things NOT asinine bullshit from some crank or freeloader who wants to get freebies or ask for a million bucks). Thank God I'm the legal counsel so I can call out the BS when I see it!

Keep reading for updates. It's sure to get interesting.