Thursday, January 21, 2010

Continuing the "How to Sabotage Yourself in the Entertainment Industry" Series

Let's establish one thing about me: I'm not the person to bring in if you want to maintain niceness w/people. I'm not an ass kisser & I'm not a pushover.

But when it's time to be a hard ass or you need someone who will tell someone to "fuck off," I'm the person you call.

One of the things I love about my day job is that I don't have to take crap from people. When you work in retail or a restaurant, you have to be polite & smiley at all times, even when a customer's dead wrong. In a law firm, you have to put up with abuse from support staff, management, judges & even high paying clients. My own husband has to put up w/some impoliteness at work & doesn't get to tell people off. This fact is also a reason I love working w/my film company. In one scenario, I'm management & in the other, any management I have to answer to has a BRAIN!

Guess what? If you're an actor, you have to put up with a lot of BS. Schedules change, essential people have other things to do & you have to sign legal paperwork. You'd better be a team player & someone who can roll w/the punches or you'll fail miserably.

Top things an "Actor" should NEVER do if they want to get anywhere:

1. Show up to an office WITHOUT an appointment. Two former actors w/my day job did this; one of them had the gall to try getting my boss to hand out my PERSONAL phone number yesterday when barging in on my birthday.

2. Demand things you aren't entitled to. Our refund policy is ONLY for those not placed within 90 days of your audition date. If yours was in November, you DON'T get to come in January & demand your money back. Being a pussy who can't handle the fact that acting is HARD & takes PLANNING doesn't entitle you to a refund of the registration fee that says "I'm serious about doing this & will be a team player."

3. Expect sunshine & light, especially from a lawyer. The fucker who barged in yesterday & whom I spoke to today DARED to call me unprofessional b/c of my "tone of voice."

Haven't met the talent agent I interned with, have you? She once told an actress to lose weight & stop doing theater. She was also quite rude to some people & certainly wouldn't take shit from wannabe actors. I've also heard the CEO of my film company go off on people & it's not pretty.

Bluntness, cursing & so forth are standard in this business. If you want people to be "nice" to you, go to Friendly's. Don't expect it from film executives, television producers, talent agents, managers & especially not from entertainment lawyers. I don't give a damn what show you've been on or what unions you're in; give me attitude or do things you KNOW you're not supposed to & you'll live to regret it.

4. Getting pissy when I put you on hold when you decide to yell at me then call back accusing me of hanging up on you. Guess what, fucker? The world DOES NOT revolve around YOU!!!!!!!! We're a business & have OTHER calls to take. We're not YOUR personal party line.

5. Violate confidentiality agreements. Who the FUCK do you think you are???? Obviously you think the legal system is a game or contracts don't apply to you. Wrong, wrong, WRONG! Enjoy being sued or having an injunction placed against you.

6. Threatening to bring in lawyers for us not kowtowing to your pathetic ass. Lawyers charge well over $50 an HOUR on cases & would ask for a good $500 in a retainer. So spend to your heart's content: you'll probably be counter sued for FAR more than would qualify for Small Claims court.

Oh, and would you like to be known as the actor who SUED a television company where the principals have been in the industry longer than YOU'VE been alive?? Go ahead & brand yourself as a difficult, lying, litigious moron. You just saved us the time & energy of having you blackballed.

Same thing for going on TV to complain ala "Help Me, Howard": NO ONE'S going to give you an acting job when you've trashed a company w/industry standing. Instead, you'll be an outcast or everyone's favorite punchline.

I will definitely remember the names of these wannabes & reveal them to people I know in this industry so they don't waste their time, energy or passion on these pathetic, lazy, tactless losers. One of these people claims to have an agent; I think that actor is lying or working w/some mega-newbie since no legit agent would put up w/someone who doesn't show up to meetings, bitches & moans about not being contacted when THEY make zero effort to move things forward + barges into people's offices. I know of GOOD actors who have problems finding an agent.

Oh, and people worthy of a reputable agent's time AREN'T non-union wannabes who piss & moan b/c an entertainment company has other things to do than put up with them. Even the mega famous know better than to expect sunshine & light from producers, execs, agents, etc. I don't think ANY of them would expect a LAWYER working in this industry to patronize them or kiss their feet.

In conclusion, I simply give as good as I get. If you're nice to me, I'll be nice to you. We start w/civility & go from there. If you claim that you're being polite when you've barged into my workplace & lied about having an appointment, don't expect kindness.

I guess the best rule for aspiring actors is "Don't be an asshole."

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