Saturday, January 2, 2010

2nd Post of the Day

Aren't you lucky?? You get to see 2 posts from me. The first I just did b/c it was a notable story & one I have an opinion on. Plus I'm performing in the NYC Bar Association's 12th Night show this Friday & I'll have rehearsals most of next week so I probably won't have time to write any entries. I got nominated to the Entertainment Committee by its President & if you know about this association, you know that getting onto a committee usually involves applying for open slots.

If you're going, you'll get to see me act & sing; also my first foray into musical theater & the first time I'm in a show where people are paying a lot of $ per ticket ($75, so I couldn't in good conscience invite most people I know since I wouldn't be going if I weren't in it).

Anyway, something I really feel strongly about is the "who pays for a 1st date" issue.

Here are some links to check. And another.

So where do I weigh in??? I'm in the "guy pays" category (though guys always invited me since I was too shy to ask anyone out--so glad I'm married). Many reasons for this but I think there are some major factors most people ignore in the argument.

1. The woman in question: How desirable is this woman? Are a lot of guys chasing after her? Is she particularly smart, pretty, entertaining, etc.? Guess what, buddy? If you want someone who is quality, you're going to have to step up & be better than the rest. Hairy women smelling of BO don't get to date the school hunk, do they? If WE'RE expected to maintain standards, then so are men.
Think of it like a business or a freelancer. If you're a profitable business w/a ton of paying clients, are you going to take jobs from some schmuck who costs you money to work with? If you're a famous actor commanding millions of dollars to work, are you going to work for free in a student film or for a total stranger? Answer to both is a resounding "Hell no!"
Then, why do some men expect a woman who gets asked out all the time by guys who NEVER make paying an issue to date THEM, when they are going to demand them to pay??

2. The financial positions of each person: When I was a college student, I dated a few guys who had their own jobs & were long out of school. One was 14 years older than me; another was 8 years. I also had NO ONE giving me allowances or anyone to rely upon but me in life. It's not only tacky but insulting to expect a college student to pay when the other person has a career & lives somewhere without roommates. Basic fairness. The 8 years older guy had the nerve to invite me someplace once & expected me to pay for it even though he KNEW I was trying to save $ + couldn't afford it.

3. Where you want this interaction to go: For me personally, I never did "the reach" since I'd have had no right to get mad if someone took me up on it. However, if you'd have wanted me to be more than your friend, having me pay would guarantee you'd never get past that. I just expect to pay w/friends but if a guy asked me out, I expected to be treated as a date and accorded the proper respect.

Is my Southern upbringing showing here? Maybe, but it was always an issue of numbers and economics with me. For me, paying is an admission that you're an ugly girl who doesn't deserve better from a guy. The women I knew who paid weren't with highly desirable men. When I dated, it also showed me that X guy would never be around in the bad times. Oh, and my husband NEVER made this an issue or gave me grief about it & he's a Northerner.

Lest anyone dare to label me a gold digger or ungrateful, I'm a hell of a cook, ALWAYS said thank you & never led anyone on or acted as a typical, bitchy girlfriend.

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