I was just reading this article about the SAE incident. For those not familiar with it, someone on the party bus of this chapter at the University of Oklahoma decided to videotape & post a video of this fraternity singing a racist chant. The school reacted by getting rid of the chapter, expelling people & the national office came down on them as well. Big controversy in some corners of the world.
The author actually cited an incident that happened at my school. I remember it well since I was a sophomore at the time, a member of the Greek system (though we may not have even been a chapter by that point & didn't have a house) and found the whole incident appalling. Coming from Winston Salem, NC & a high school class that was 50/50 black to white along with having many good friends who were never "tokens" but simply my black friends who weren't cutting me down behind my back like plenty of white bitches in my class, I didn't get the whole racism of these guys. I've always felt like other minorities can understand each other in a way people who aren't don't get. It might be a different story & different struggles but there's still knowing what it's like to be ostracized, bullied, harassed & having an "otherness" about you that likely explains why I've had lots of friends who wouldn't be candidates for membership into the Aryan Nation or WASP.
For the record, the major offender in that incident was not SAE like this story portrays. Perhaps there were racists there or immature guys simply joining in out of peer pressure or drunken stupidity but the real offenders were this other fraternity that draped themselves in the Confederate flag on a regular basis & called themselves "Southern gentlemen." I also wasn't personally present to see this since I was in my dorm room & then read about it later when the Black Student Association at my school publicized it.
SAE was not a fraternity that my black male co-worker at the campus museum said he wouldn't set foot in for fear of being harmed while the one I mentioned as the major offender (and the reason I had nothing to do with Oglethorpe for many years) was. These were his words, not mine.
Oh, and lest you think it's a Southern Greek system thing or that sororities always side with the frats it's not & we don't. My own sisters were just as appalled by the whole thing, especially the ones from outside of Georgia who were not used to seeing this blatant racism in their faces. We were equal opportunity & started out running the gamut in terms of our membership; I & at least one other founding member would be livid if that weren't true in our chapter today. I've seen that equal opportunity reflected in other chapters and among other alumnae I've met over the years. I don't think a single one, regardless of where her chapter was, would be siding with the behavior of the frats in this story.
There was another incident my senior year involving KA concerning their Greek Week skit & Antisemitic remarks among other offensive things (again, not present for that one; I was working in my telephone interviewing job at the time--I heard about this from my own sisters). Aside from my own sorority sisters (some of whom were Jewish), a number of girls in another sorority (who also had Jewish members) were quite ticked off about that as I recall.
Now I support free speech but I don't support speech without consequences & you bet if you uttered a racial slur around me, you'd get hell for it considering you're trashing dear friends of mine, business associates and some people who were actually there for me in life while your sorry ass probably wasn't. I'm glad to see this university taking action; my school let KA get away with shit for years. They were far too lenient on them, especially considering we were supposed to be a "liberal arts" school.
I never had issues with the other frats. I didn't go to SAE & feel like I wasn't welcome or an outsider. Guys who were members there were nice to me; I remember one of their members once telling me I was welcome there anytime. In fact, I got that kindness at every frat other than the racist one. Our newer members got along with some members there but I remember we older ones didn't feel welcome or like we had a place there. Guess we figured Southern gentlemen exempt loudmouth feminists from their "gentlemanly" behavior. At least, I felt that way.
Oglethorpe was trying to increase their black student enrollment when I was there. With the presence of that frat & a number of well known and well regarded black schools in Atlanta, I didn't blame black kids for not wanting to enroll in the racist pit that I saw Oglethorpe being at the time. I was also pissed since I didn't enroll there to endorse racism or have it shoved in my face; I came there for the academics & the experience of living in a major city.
My attitudes on race are more nuanced since I know racism isn't just a white thing. It's an everybody thing. I also lived a lot of things in my youth & had parents who taught me better than some of these people's parents must have. No one was a "token" with my parents & if they called you a friend of theirs, you were lucky especially with my mother since she's semi-reclusive. I still wish we were in touch with my father's truck driver friend (who was half black, half Native American) since I wanted him to know about my father's passing & be able to pay his respects. They were really good friends & we actually went to his house, a rarity with my parents' friends. He wasn't one of my father's drinking buddies & my mom actually liked him and his wife.
I'm skeptical of the whole "educating" people idea unless maybe it involves having to deal with direct confrontation or just dealing with people in day to day life & seeing they're really not so different from you. Kind of like that episode of The Boondocks where Uncle Ruckus meets that country music singer who's a total racist & they get along so well in their racism of black people, they do a duet. Granted, Ruckus claims to have the reverse skin condition of Michael Jackson & that's he's really a white guy but it's an example of why The Boondocks is pure genius in its social commentary. See the first three seasons for yourself; I didn't see much of the fourth so I can't speak on that one. Overall, I feel like when people are adults, they are set on certain things & sometimes so much so even death, poverty or divorce won't change them. Death didn't change my ex though it did change me. Losing stability also changed me in some ways though perhaps it also amplified what I already had. You can carve out exceptions for people you befriend or meet but it's very hard to change things like racism or homophobia & you can't do it in a commanding fashion or by forcing change. You have to do it in more subtle ways.
You have to show examples of people who aren't living up to the negative stereotypes. I also think a huge key is showing how we're the same. There are universals to human experience in my view. Death, kids, animals, weather (good or bad), parents, authority figures, the incompetence of our "elected" officials, that kind of thing.
Showing posts with label sorority. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sorority. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
Saturday, June 28, 2014
Sex Store Adventures
I recently went to a Yelp Elite event at a sex shop. This was my first trip to one in a while & I got some stuff I wanted to try out including furry handcuffs. The irony with me getting handcuffs is I have serious anxiety when it comes to being restrained in intimate moments; I only allowed that with my estranged spouse & wouldn't let any other guy do that unless I really trusted him. He'd also have to agree to be restrained since if you guys want women to let you restrain them, you're going to have to agree to the same thing or shut up.
So I actually have a unique history with sex shops. Legend has it that the owner of a huge sex store in Atlanta was an alumnus of my university & tried to give the school money at one point. Back when I'd gone there & recently graduated, they constantly hammered & begged alumni for money. They poor mouthed so much, you wondered how in God's name they managed to keep the doors open. I remember them hassling me months after I graduated & was still in my grace period for repaying student loans; due to the state of affairs at that time along with my personal circumstances, I thought it was extremely crass to go asking recent graduates to contribute to the school. The economy wasn't even as bad then as it was post-2008 so if some school is doing that today, it's even more insulting & tacky.
So with all this begging, you'd think the school would have taken the guy's money. The story goes that they rejected his offer. Why? Supposedly b/c they didn't approve of his business. They apparently weren't familiar with the saying "Beggars can't be choosers."
My sorority chapter was filled with some evolved & cool ladies who had a sense of humor along with a more laid back attitude on matters of sex. I remember quite a few candid conversations about sex (some I listened to & some I was part of).
In fact, we once had an impromptu sorority field trip to this huge sex store in Atlanta (the one & only Inserection). It was actually my first time going to a sex store so it was somewhat eventful for me. As a bunch of girls often do, we browsed, observed, made comments & had fun on this little jaunt. One of my sisters sees a girl on the cover of a porn film & says "That looks like The Angry Redheaded Lawyer" (back when I was merely an angry redhead). I point it wasn't b/c if it was, I'd have a lot more money than I do. Paying tuition wouldn't have been an issue, though I wouldn't have gotten to be a lawyer.
One girl in my sorority dated an artist who gave her a plaster mold of his penis. I didn't see it myself but we definitely heard the story. They also saw the massive amount of flowers I got from Psycho Boy when I was participating in sorority stuff one weekend. A lot of us had that sisterly rapport with one another.
Except for that & more recently, the only other times I remember going to sex shops was with my spouse. We went to one with a very pushy salesperson but I will give her this: she was informed & helpful when we had questions.
If you're going to work at a sex store, there are some requirements:
1. You have to be more laid back when it comes to sex. Imagine someone with my mother's attitude working there; she didn't even want to hear about the ex's theory regarding my ex-friend having a threesome with a guy & his baby mama while they all shared living quarters.
I heard a couple days ago that my ex-friend apparently married this man so he wouldn't get deported. Personally, I think deportation would have been fine & if no one in her family has had a stroke from her birthing his baby and/or marrying him I'd be shocked. This is a woman whose family is more religious than mine & whose grandmother wouldn't let our gay classmate into her house after he came out. I'm sure the affair & the interracial stuff had to make them happy.
2. You need to be non-judgmental. Do you really think people want to talk to a judgmental asshole? Gay, straight, I don't care. People's sex lives aren't your business so if you want sales, remember money is money regardless of where it came from.
Sex shops I've been to, especially in major cities, cater to everyone's tastes & preferences. Gay people have demands as well as straight people. I have to wonder if that holds for smaller cities in the South; you know how judgey they are about gay people & "alternative" lifestyles down there.
3. You can't be the type who giggles & gets all cutesy. The place I went to was having workshops & if you're going to educate people, you can't do it if you're giggling the whole time or look completely embarrassed.
So maybe you should have a little bit of sexual experience if you're going to take a job at a sex store.
Now, for the visuals. I have pics from my adventure:
That's an example of why this place rocks. They cater to both genders & all orientations. Unless someone were a total prude or had no sexual interest at all, I can't see objections to one of these as a gag gift.
I even saw stuff I have never seen before:
I've never seen these before. Didn't check the price but you can only use them once according to the package.
There was also this that I'm going to test out. After all, I'm the ultimate lost cause here:
Also every type of condom you've heard of or wondered about, including flavored ones & Magnums.
I also got some pasties so made sure to get pastie glue. Just seemed like a smart purchase:
This stuff was really good. I did actually taste it:
This just amused me. Maybe for the man who'll never get laid again (I have some theories on that):
Lastly, they do have bondage rope here. The handcuffs were nearby but you might save some money getting this at Home Depot. It was $40 here; I feel like that's way too much.
I had a lot of fun & like that they have everything you ever wanted + cater to all people, not just some of them. I saw all types of stuff here & that is how a sex shop should be. When I saw this penis clock when I went in college, I thought of getting that for my mother to see how she'd react. I bet it would be funny. Scandalizing uber-religious types; it's just so darn tempting.
So I actually have a unique history with sex shops. Legend has it that the owner of a huge sex store in Atlanta was an alumnus of my university & tried to give the school money at one point. Back when I'd gone there & recently graduated, they constantly hammered & begged alumni for money. They poor mouthed so much, you wondered how in God's name they managed to keep the doors open. I remember them hassling me months after I graduated & was still in my grace period for repaying student loans; due to the state of affairs at that time along with my personal circumstances, I thought it was extremely crass to go asking recent graduates to contribute to the school. The economy wasn't even as bad then as it was post-2008 so if some school is doing that today, it's even more insulting & tacky.
So with all this begging, you'd think the school would have taken the guy's money. The story goes that they rejected his offer. Why? Supposedly b/c they didn't approve of his business. They apparently weren't familiar with the saying "Beggars can't be choosers."
My sorority chapter was filled with some evolved & cool ladies who had a sense of humor along with a more laid back attitude on matters of sex. I remember quite a few candid conversations about sex (some I listened to & some I was part of).
In fact, we once had an impromptu sorority field trip to this huge sex store in Atlanta (the one & only Inserection). It was actually my first time going to a sex store so it was somewhat eventful for me. As a bunch of girls often do, we browsed, observed, made comments & had fun on this little jaunt. One of my sisters sees a girl on the cover of a porn film & says "That looks like The Angry Redheaded Lawyer" (back when I was merely an angry redhead). I point it wasn't b/c if it was, I'd have a lot more money than I do. Paying tuition wouldn't have been an issue, though I wouldn't have gotten to be a lawyer.
One girl in my sorority dated an artist who gave her a plaster mold of his penis. I didn't see it myself but we definitely heard the story. They also saw the massive amount of flowers I got from Psycho Boy when I was participating in sorority stuff one weekend. A lot of us had that sisterly rapport with one another.
Except for that & more recently, the only other times I remember going to sex shops was with my spouse. We went to one with a very pushy salesperson but I will give her this: she was informed & helpful when we had questions.
If you're going to work at a sex store, there are some requirements:
1. You have to be more laid back when it comes to sex. Imagine someone with my mother's attitude working there; she didn't even want to hear about the ex's theory regarding my ex-friend having a threesome with a guy & his baby mama while they all shared living quarters.
I heard a couple days ago that my ex-friend apparently married this man so he wouldn't get deported. Personally, I think deportation would have been fine & if no one in her family has had a stroke from her birthing his baby and/or marrying him I'd be shocked. This is a woman whose family is more religious than mine & whose grandmother wouldn't let our gay classmate into her house after he came out. I'm sure the affair & the interracial stuff had to make them happy.
2. You need to be non-judgmental. Do you really think people want to talk to a judgmental asshole? Gay, straight, I don't care. People's sex lives aren't your business so if you want sales, remember money is money regardless of where it came from.
Sex shops I've been to, especially in major cities, cater to everyone's tastes & preferences. Gay people have demands as well as straight people. I have to wonder if that holds for smaller cities in the South; you know how judgey they are about gay people & "alternative" lifestyles down there.
3. You can't be the type who giggles & gets all cutesy. The place I went to was having workshops & if you're going to educate people, you can't do it if you're giggling the whole time or look completely embarrassed.
So maybe you should have a little bit of sexual experience if you're going to take a job at a sex store.
Now, for the visuals. I have pics from my adventure:
That's an example of why this place rocks. They cater to both genders & all orientations. Unless someone were a total prude or had no sexual interest at all, I can't see objections to one of these as a gag gift.
I even saw stuff I have never seen before:
I've never seen these before. Didn't check the price but you can only use them once according to the package.
There was also this that I'm going to test out. After all, I'm the ultimate lost cause here:
Also every type of condom you've heard of or wondered about, including flavored ones & Magnums.
I also got some pasties so made sure to get pastie glue. Just seemed like a smart purchase:
This stuff was really good. I did actually taste it:
This just amused me. Maybe for the man who'll never get laid again (I have some theories on that):
Lastly, they do have bondage rope here. The handcuffs were nearby but you might save some money getting this at Home Depot. It was $40 here; I feel like that's way too much.
I had a lot of fun & like that they have everything you ever wanted + cater to all people, not just some of them. I saw all types of stuff here & that is how a sex shop should be. When I saw this penis clock when I went in college, I thought of getting that for my mother to see how she'd react. I bet it would be funny. Scandalizing uber-religious types; it's just so darn tempting.
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Getting Tattoos & Getting Philosophical
Read this article recently, where an employer apparently encouraged people to get tattoos. Not just any old tattoos, though. They rewarded company branding.
I've written a little about tattoos but not sure I ever really stated when it was a good or bad idea to get one or what types are okay vs. not okay. Here goes:
NEVER get a tattoo of the company you work for if you're not an owner. If you're not the owner, you could very well get fired or quit later on in disgust. The job situation could easily change and you could go from viewing it as a little slice of Heaven to tolerable or in my husband's case, a very nasty form of Hell.
Now you could also lose your business but at least if you're an owner, it probably had more of an impact in your life and might be a reminder to you of something you did well or a mistake you don't want to repeat.
I also never got a tattoo of my sorority letters or the name. If you really want to after you've gotten through the pledge period, I could understand doing that. However, that doesn't mean you can't still get kicked out at some point. Remember, it did happen to that bitch whose father draws Spider-Man.
I have no clue how it works once you've graduated college and are out living in life but I'm sure if someone became the next Casey Anthony or Ted Bundy, a national fraternity or sorority would want to take membership away from that person lest (s)he "damaged the brand" for future potential new members or the members who still had to represent the group in a college setting. No one I know has become notorious so not sure how that works but it's worth asking yourself that question before you consider getting your letters tattooed on yourself.
I guess I've also got an issue with getting something so permanent like a tattoo for something I don't have an ownership stake in. These days, I'm just not motivated to work as hard for anyone besides myself. My closest friends or people I respect would probably be next & then there's everyone else. Considering what I've seen & heard about in the corporate world these days and being who I am, is it any wonder I feel that way? Wouldn't YOU be on the defensive constantly if everyone made you feel like you didn't deserve a fair shot b/c they were jealous of your accomplishments or skills? I responded to one job ad I saw recently & read it to my husband, who said I sounded "angry" in there.
I've gotten that reaction from others when I responded to ads. Gee if you were an out of the box person & had been subjected to the endless parade of bullshit I have, might that make you not have an emotional investment in anyone?
Might that make you conclude that you are going to have to figure out your own hustle since no one who could pay you is actually going to respect or trust you?
So, if you're going to get a tattoo get something that has personal meaning for you. Fuck what anyone else has to say about it!
I also don't like the idea of branding myself with a company or an organization; my own mother says that one job she has only offers advancement if you're willing to get the organization's name tattooed on yourself (figuratively, at least). She says she's not that dedicated to it!
The whole tattoo thing makes me question if more companies are going to demand that next for just getting a job there. If some posters are asking for pictures via LinkedIn profiles and to see all your social media passwords while making you take these fake behavioral assessments, is tattooing the organization's name on your body (or perhaps even on your butt) really that far behind? Plenty of employers already demand employees not to have a private life or a point of view.
I've gotten to that distrustful point when it comes to paying day jobs. You also get a very different perspective of the world when you lose close family members belonging to your generation at a very young age.
That different perspective brings me to some philosophical points.
One thing I've realized recently is that I'm losing my past & maybe it's not such a bad thing. I'm not "the ugly girl" and haven't been considered uncool in ages. I also have people in my life who don't seem like they're going to be jealous of me as I move up in the world. They have their own success & don't seem to begrudge me of having any. I also feel like I can respect those people I have allowed in (which isn't a large number since I've always been a private person; I also freely admit to not being the easiest person to have a friendship with). Sometimes, you also realize that particular people are in your life for a reason.
I feel like I'm going to lose more pieces of my past as time goes on. I found out news about my former friend who showed her ass at my sister's wedding that made me feel perfectly fine with having cut ties. History does not trump survival & being better in your life. You can't keep people around who bring you down, begrudge you of good things or want you to be ashamed of who you are.
At first, I felt kind of bad about it. I'm not in my childhood town or anyplace where I went to school. NYC is where my adult life is; you could probably say my college years is where my life began since that's when I got to choose where I went, my friends, my clothes, who I dated & be my full self. As pieces of my past fall away, it makes life today more cemented & permanent. It also makes regression impossible & me more steadfast about not moving backwards. It's much harder to go backwards if you don't live in your childhood town and your oldest friend from childhood is a distant memory. My former friend might as well be dead with the personality change she's had.
A big concern with doing things is still being the same person I always was; I think I still am. I'm still as much a rabble rouser as I ever was. I'm still unconventional & opening my big mouth when I feel the motivation. No one hearing about stuff I'm doing has ever been shocked by it since I always was a driven, ambitious person who was going to do something significant & unusual. My challenge is going to be figuring out how I can embrace who I am today (particularly with being an industry branded "hottie") without forgetting what it was like to be who I was in the past.
That's something I wonder: How do you let the past fall away enough so you can move on & embrace the success you get in today's time but not lose the values/experiences that make you not be the worst of the "successful" class you now belong to? And is it a bad thing if you let go of some of that past trauma if doing so will make you more successful?
Personally, I don't think this letting go of the past is a bad thing. Some people didn't have great pasts & psychologically, it's probably far better to let it fall away than act like you're still something you aren't.
To end this on a less tragic note, another observation: if you don't have a celibate marriage, don't get a wooden bed frame for your marital bed. I discovered that we may find ourselves with a damaged bed frame in the near future & I have a feeling it's the result of our combined sex drive.
It occurred to me that you don't see beds in college dorms with wooden bed frames. My beds in my dorm rooms didn't have that. Nope, they had metal frames. I figure it's because the people putting in the beds figured sex happens often on college campuses so they may as well be prepared. Otherwise, they'd have to buy new bed frames all the time since students & their sex partners would break them from so much use.
Let's be honest: that's one reason people go to college in the first place, especially if they go to school far away from their parent's house. It's the first time in life you can have sex without worrying about your parents catching you or anything you buy to prepare for it. You can get what you need without them having to go with you or find out (since the college can't talk about such things with your parents due to HIPPA laws; nor can your doctor even if the doctor's their best friend). If you move away from home for this, your parents have to let go and learn to trust you to be an adult; they simply have no choice if your school is lots of hours away & they don't have unlimited money to drop in unannounced. My mother assumed I did all sorts of stuff in college but my life wasn't nearly as exciting as she thought it was. Regardless, I do think getting to have sex without all this parental control & having to hide things from them is probably one motivating factor in going to school far away from one's childhood home.
Maybe if you've got a sex drive, you should get a bed frame with reinforced steel. I don't know.
I've written a little about tattoos but not sure I ever really stated when it was a good or bad idea to get one or what types are okay vs. not okay. Here goes:
NEVER get a tattoo of the company you work for if you're not an owner. If you're not the owner, you could very well get fired or quit later on in disgust. The job situation could easily change and you could go from viewing it as a little slice of Heaven to tolerable or in my husband's case, a very nasty form of Hell.
Now you could also lose your business but at least if you're an owner, it probably had more of an impact in your life and might be a reminder to you of something you did well or a mistake you don't want to repeat.
I also never got a tattoo of my sorority letters or the name. If you really want to after you've gotten through the pledge period, I could understand doing that. However, that doesn't mean you can't still get kicked out at some point. Remember, it did happen to that bitch whose father draws Spider-Man.
I have no clue how it works once you've graduated college and are out living in life but I'm sure if someone became the next Casey Anthony or Ted Bundy, a national fraternity or sorority would want to take membership away from that person lest (s)he "damaged the brand" for future potential new members or the members who still had to represent the group in a college setting. No one I know has become notorious so not sure how that works but it's worth asking yourself that question before you consider getting your letters tattooed on yourself.
I guess I've also got an issue with getting something so permanent like a tattoo for something I don't have an ownership stake in. These days, I'm just not motivated to work as hard for anyone besides myself. My closest friends or people I respect would probably be next & then there's everyone else. Considering what I've seen & heard about in the corporate world these days and being who I am, is it any wonder I feel that way? Wouldn't YOU be on the defensive constantly if everyone made you feel like you didn't deserve a fair shot b/c they were jealous of your accomplishments or skills? I responded to one job ad I saw recently & read it to my husband, who said I sounded "angry" in there.
I've gotten that reaction from others when I responded to ads. Gee if you were an out of the box person & had been subjected to the endless parade of bullshit I have, might that make you not have an emotional investment in anyone?
Might that make you conclude that you are going to have to figure out your own hustle since no one who could pay you is actually going to respect or trust you?
So, if you're going to get a tattoo get something that has personal meaning for you. Fuck what anyone else has to say about it!
I also don't like the idea of branding myself with a company or an organization; my own mother says that one job she has only offers advancement if you're willing to get the organization's name tattooed on yourself (figuratively, at least). She says she's not that dedicated to it!
The whole tattoo thing makes me question if more companies are going to demand that next for just getting a job there. If some posters are asking for pictures via LinkedIn profiles and to see all your social media passwords while making you take these fake behavioral assessments, is tattooing the organization's name on your body (or perhaps even on your butt) really that far behind? Plenty of employers already demand employees not to have a private life or a point of view.
I've gotten to that distrustful point when it comes to paying day jobs. You also get a very different perspective of the world when you lose close family members belonging to your generation at a very young age.
That different perspective brings me to some philosophical points.
One thing I've realized recently is that I'm losing my past & maybe it's not such a bad thing. I'm not "the ugly girl" and haven't been considered uncool in ages. I also have people in my life who don't seem like they're going to be jealous of me as I move up in the world. They have their own success & don't seem to begrudge me of having any. I also feel like I can respect those people I have allowed in (which isn't a large number since I've always been a private person; I also freely admit to not being the easiest person to have a friendship with). Sometimes, you also realize that particular people are in your life for a reason.
I feel like I'm going to lose more pieces of my past as time goes on. I found out news about my former friend who showed her ass at my sister's wedding that made me feel perfectly fine with having cut ties. History does not trump survival & being better in your life. You can't keep people around who bring you down, begrudge you of good things or want you to be ashamed of who you are.
At first, I felt kind of bad about it. I'm not in my childhood town or anyplace where I went to school. NYC is where my adult life is; you could probably say my college years is where my life began since that's when I got to choose where I went, my friends, my clothes, who I dated & be my full self. As pieces of my past fall away, it makes life today more cemented & permanent. It also makes regression impossible & me more steadfast about not moving backwards. It's much harder to go backwards if you don't live in your childhood town and your oldest friend from childhood is a distant memory. My former friend might as well be dead with the personality change she's had.
A big concern with doing things is still being the same person I always was; I think I still am. I'm still as much a rabble rouser as I ever was. I'm still unconventional & opening my big mouth when I feel the motivation. No one hearing about stuff I'm doing has ever been shocked by it since I always was a driven, ambitious person who was going to do something significant & unusual. My challenge is going to be figuring out how I can embrace who I am today (particularly with being an industry branded "hottie") without forgetting what it was like to be who I was in the past.
That's something I wonder: How do you let the past fall away enough so you can move on & embrace the success you get in today's time but not lose the values/experiences that make you not be the worst of the "successful" class you now belong to? And is it a bad thing if you let go of some of that past trauma if doing so will make you more successful?
Personally, I don't think this letting go of the past is a bad thing. Some people didn't have great pasts & psychologically, it's probably far better to let it fall away than act like you're still something you aren't.
To end this on a less tragic note, another observation: if you don't have a celibate marriage, don't get a wooden bed frame for your marital bed. I discovered that we may find ourselves with a damaged bed frame in the near future & I have a feeling it's the result of our combined sex drive.
It occurred to me that you don't see beds in college dorms with wooden bed frames. My beds in my dorm rooms didn't have that. Nope, they had metal frames. I figure it's because the people putting in the beds figured sex happens often on college campuses so they may as well be prepared. Otherwise, they'd have to buy new bed frames all the time since students & their sex partners would break them from so much use.
Let's be honest: that's one reason people go to college in the first place, especially if they go to school far away from their parent's house. It's the first time in life you can have sex without worrying about your parents catching you or anything you buy to prepare for it. You can get what you need without them having to go with you or find out (since the college can't talk about such things with your parents due to HIPPA laws; nor can your doctor even if the doctor's their best friend). If you move away from home for this, your parents have to let go and learn to trust you to be an adult; they simply have no choice if your school is lots of hours away & they don't have unlimited money to drop in unannounced. My mother assumed I did all sorts of stuff in college but my life wasn't nearly as exciting as she thought it was. Regardless, I do think getting to have sex without all this parental control & having to hide things from them is probably one motivating factor in going to school far away from one's childhood home.
Maybe if you've got a sex drive, you should get a bed frame with reinforced steel. I don't know.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
General Musings Part 23
You may not see many blog updates from me in the near future since I'm sorting through internship applications for my film company. If you want to apply, go see the ad on Mandy.com.
Otherwise, got a ton of links & some insights/remarks on them. Here we go:
Edie Falco just rocks! That's all. I have the EXACT same viewpoint on reality TV "celebrities." Plus, she's a great actress; I have every season of "The Sopranos" and think "Nurse Jackie" is great. This just makes me respect her more than I might have.
I can agree on rejection sometimes being a good thing. I got rejected on the very first round of cuts during sorority recruitment my freshman year; if I hadn't, I might not have become an AST member & gotten the valuable leadership experience I have.
I probably wouldn't have the career I have if some law firm had hired me instead of all of them rejecting me for jobs. Probably wouldn't have passed the NY & CT bars on the first try if I'd gotten into CUNY School of Law (I found out after I started law school that they had a 50% bar passage rate vs. my school's rate being about 80%). Finally, if I hadn't gotten dumped by guys all the time while in Atlanta & CT and completely shunned by them while growing up in NC, I probably wouldn't live in NYC now and would just be miserable wondering about what might have been. Nor would I have nearly as great a spouse as I've got.
The establishment has also done next to nothing for me. I've reconciled myself to the fact that it will continue to do nothing for me. That means non-traditional resources and learning how to hustle. I think I've more or less accepted that I am anti-establishment and in a way, I rebel from it. I figure I'll keep doing things or my terms or I'll die with some dignity because I didn't sell out.
The problem is if you're in a position of do or die. Then you end up poor. Here's a Cracked article telling you about that.
All of this is true, btw. I saw flashbacks of my childhood as I read it & I even described life as a child as living in an endless game of Tetris on Level 9-5 (for those unfamiliar w/Tetris, this is a level where the pieces are almost at the very top & you have to stress out big time to either get them in properly to reduce your pile or die; in fact, I believe it's the hardest level in the game).
Speaking of being poor, there have been yet more articles on the high costs of college (forget grad school since no one seems to give a damn about that unless THEY went themselves). One study says the cost of a college degree in light of this economy isn't worth it.
You'll see constant resources telling people to learn a trade or even just be uneducated. That might work for some people but it's not a one size fits all solution by any means. I agree that the value of degrees is becoming deluded & that pisses me off but I'm not sure a mass movement to toss out "book learning" is the answer. Some people aren't smart enough or insightful enough to go educate themselves. Some of us also aren't the self-study types. Teaching yourself can be EXTREMELY difficult, especially if you don't have someone who knows about the thing you're trying to learn around as a resource or to make sure you're understanding the concepts.
Another problem is that college (at least as I understand it) is also supposed to be about broadening horizons & getting new experiences away from your parents, your little town and your local community. I went to school out of state by myself and think that the experience is important for transitioning to the real world. There are experiences and skills I use from that time now that I'd have never had if I'd just been in my hometown or around everyone I knew from high school while attending college. "High school, Part 2" doesn't help anyone. Who even really, truly enjoyed high school?
So I think before advocating the live at home approach, people should consider these facts. What if a kid is like me & wants to go someplace where no one the family knows is living? What if the kid is really smart? Do you punish them by saying "Son, we know you're an academic scholar & were in National Honor Society but sorry, you're going to community college." Perhaps taking away that stigma of community & junior colleges would help but in most places, they are regarded as not the place for academically gifted students. If you want this to be a viable path, those schools are also going to have to hire top notch faculty who know what they're doing, give a crap about the students learning the material & teach them practical skills.
I just think living at home when you're an adult robs you of the experiences you get when you're on your own and have to deal with paying bills, buying your own groceries, doing laundry, feeding yourself, managing your time and even participating in social events. My parents certainly wouldn't have let me bring guys home or stay out until 5 a.m. at a party while I got to do this stuff when I lived on campus in a single dorm room.
There's also the networking opportunities, Greek life & so forth that you're just not going to get in some of these proposed ideas. You don't have to dorm with strangers or interact with those different from you if you're living with family or going to community college. Living in a dorm prepares you for getting a roommate in an apartment and dealing with people at a job who aren't the same as you.
I think there should be some kind of arrangement where kids who want to go to school far away & can't afford it can do this. Happiness trumps & if you're going to spend the money, you'd better make sure your kid is happy or they'll just flunk out anyway.
I've said this before but I still firmly believe in it. I racked up loans to do this but I wouldn't trade my experiences to be debt free & miserable. That's precisely what would happen if I'd not followed my ambitions in life.
As a former retail worker, this just pisses me off. Standing for long hours is part of the fucking job! It's not a job that requires grad school & if you're doing this as a career, it's motivation to go to school so you can get a job easier on your health. Any job that has a low barrier to entry requires some manual component. I don't see servers suing over this & they have a much harder job than the average sales associate. Being a sales associate is a cakewalk by comparison.
This fact is one reason I would not go back to retail. Some jobs are for younger people. If you are not up to the inherent demands of the job, stop whining and filing lawsuits! Use that money to go get an education or to fund lobbying efforts/protests to government officials so better paying jobs are out there. Don't take it out on store owners.
Second, if you leave seats out on the sales floor customers will inevitably sit in them no matter what you do. When I worked in retail, we had chairs & customers sat in them. Are you going to walk up to customers & make them move so you can sit? That will leave a very good impression on customers. How would you feel about seeing your sales associate kicking back in a chair during working hours? Especially if the worker kicked a customer out of it? That could get really ugly in a lingerie section if it's a man who's stuck there because his wife/girlfriend forced him to go bra shopping with her. Not to mention making kids move! These people would sit in our chairs all the time. We'd look lazy if we did it.
Does anyone find this ironic in light of the attempt to create censorship in this country with the COICA act? Apparently, the senator who originated it does not keep up with what's going on in his own house. Once again, these morons are trying to turn the USA into China. See this for details and do the right thing. If you want censorship, find a theocracy to live in. You've got many to choose from. Don't inflict it here, capice?
Whew, can't believe this is the 250th post.
Otherwise, got a ton of links & some insights/remarks on them. Here we go:
Edie Falco just rocks! That's all. I have the EXACT same viewpoint on reality TV "celebrities." Plus, she's a great actress; I have every season of "The Sopranos" and think "Nurse Jackie" is great. This just makes me respect her more than I might have.
I can agree on rejection sometimes being a good thing. I got rejected on the very first round of cuts during sorority recruitment my freshman year; if I hadn't, I might not have become an AST member & gotten the valuable leadership experience I have.
I probably wouldn't have the career I have if some law firm had hired me instead of all of them rejecting me for jobs. Probably wouldn't have passed the NY & CT bars on the first try if I'd gotten into CUNY School of Law (I found out after I started law school that they had a 50% bar passage rate vs. my school's rate being about 80%). Finally, if I hadn't gotten dumped by guys all the time while in Atlanta & CT and completely shunned by them while growing up in NC, I probably wouldn't live in NYC now and would just be miserable wondering about what might have been. Nor would I have nearly as great a spouse as I've got.
The establishment has also done next to nothing for me. I've reconciled myself to the fact that it will continue to do nothing for me. That means non-traditional resources and learning how to hustle. I think I've more or less accepted that I am anti-establishment and in a way, I rebel from it. I figure I'll keep doing things or my terms or I'll die with some dignity because I didn't sell out.
The problem is if you're in a position of do or die. Then you end up poor. Here's a Cracked article telling you about that.
All of this is true, btw. I saw flashbacks of my childhood as I read it & I even described life as a child as living in an endless game of Tetris on Level 9-5 (for those unfamiliar w/Tetris, this is a level where the pieces are almost at the very top & you have to stress out big time to either get them in properly to reduce your pile or die; in fact, I believe it's the hardest level in the game).
Speaking of being poor, there have been yet more articles on the high costs of college (forget grad school since no one seems to give a damn about that unless THEY went themselves). One study says the cost of a college degree in light of this economy isn't worth it.
You'll see constant resources telling people to learn a trade or even just be uneducated. That might work for some people but it's not a one size fits all solution by any means. I agree that the value of degrees is becoming deluded & that pisses me off but I'm not sure a mass movement to toss out "book learning" is the answer. Some people aren't smart enough or insightful enough to go educate themselves. Some of us also aren't the self-study types. Teaching yourself can be EXTREMELY difficult, especially if you don't have someone who knows about the thing you're trying to learn around as a resource or to make sure you're understanding the concepts.
Another problem is that college (at least as I understand it) is also supposed to be about broadening horizons & getting new experiences away from your parents, your little town and your local community. I went to school out of state by myself and think that the experience is important for transitioning to the real world. There are experiences and skills I use from that time now that I'd have never had if I'd just been in my hometown or around everyone I knew from high school while attending college. "High school, Part 2" doesn't help anyone. Who even really, truly enjoyed high school?
So I think before advocating the live at home approach, people should consider these facts. What if a kid is like me & wants to go someplace where no one the family knows is living? What if the kid is really smart? Do you punish them by saying "Son, we know you're an academic scholar & were in National Honor Society but sorry, you're going to community college." Perhaps taking away that stigma of community & junior colleges would help but in most places, they are regarded as not the place for academically gifted students. If you want this to be a viable path, those schools are also going to have to hire top notch faculty who know what they're doing, give a crap about the students learning the material & teach them practical skills.
I just think living at home when you're an adult robs you of the experiences you get when you're on your own and have to deal with paying bills, buying your own groceries, doing laundry, feeding yourself, managing your time and even participating in social events. My parents certainly wouldn't have let me bring guys home or stay out until 5 a.m. at a party while I got to do this stuff when I lived on campus in a single dorm room.
There's also the networking opportunities, Greek life & so forth that you're just not going to get in some of these proposed ideas. You don't have to dorm with strangers or interact with those different from you if you're living with family or going to community college. Living in a dorm prepares you for getting a roommate in an apartment and dealing with people at a job who aren't the same as you.
I think there should be some kind of arrangement where kids who want to go to school far away & can't afford it can do this. Happiness trumps & if you're going to spend the money, you'd better make sure your kid is happy or they'll just flunk out anyway.
I've said this before but I still firmly believe in it. I racked up loans to do this but I wouldn't trade my experiences to be debt free & miserable. That's precisely what would happen if I'd not followed my ambitions in life.
As a former retail worker, this just pisses me off. Standing for long hours is part of the fucking job! It's not a job that requires grad school & if you're doing this as a career, it's motivation to go to school so you can get a job easier on your health. Any job that has a low barrier to entry requires some manual component. I don't see servers suing over this & they have a much harder job than the average sales associate. Being a sales associate is a cakewalk by comparison.
This fact is one reason I would not go back to retail. Some jobs are for younger people. If you are not up to the inherent demands of the job, stop whining and filing lawsuits! Use that money to go get an education or to fund lobbying efforts/protests to government officials so better paying jobs are out there. Don't take it out on store owners.
Second, if you leave seats out on the sales floor customers will inevitably sit in them no matter what you do. When I worked in retail, we had chairs & customers sat in them. Are you going to walk up to customers & make them move so you can sit? That will leave a very good impression on customers. How would you feel about seeing your sales associate kicking back in a chair during working hours? Especially if the worker kicked a customer out of it? That could get really ugly in a lingerie section if it's a man who's stuck there because his wife/girlfriend forced him to go bra shopping with her. Not to mention making kids move! These people would sit in our chairs all the time. We'd look lazy if we did it.
Does anyone find this ironic in light of the attempt to create censorship in this country with the COICA act? Apparently, the senator who originated it does not keep up with what's going on in his own house. Once again, these morons are trying to turn the USA into China. See this for details and do the right thing. If you want censorship, find a theocracy to live in. You've got many to choose from. Don't inflict it here, capice?
Whew, can't believe this is the 250th post.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Being Jerked Around - Who Hates It???
This has to be one of my biggest pet peeves in life, especially when dealing with business. If I don't know the answer to something or don't do what I'm supposed to, I apologize & tell you the damn truth. In fact, I probably err on the side of being too truthful because I hate the feeling of limbo.
I was the sort of retail associate who'd screw over the company in a second to help a customer. If I felt the company had an asinine policy or was being unfair to the customer, I'd throw them under the bus without a second thought. This was when I was in high school.
Not much has changed. At this point, I've concluded that working at a big company would a mistake. I think people who know me would agree: I lack the questionable morals & desire to show fealty to a heartless company where I'm eating scraps while the CEO is having filet mignon and wouldn't think twice about laying me off even if I saved the company from going under, rescued his/her young child from drowning & uncovered theft by the top brass. I also can't imagine a major company being stupid enough to employ someone as smart, assertive & creative as I am. Big companies don't value those things. Oh, hell no!
Seeing the second Dear Prudence letter here just confirmed it. Some of the comments also illustrate that many other people don't mind being slaves to their companies but oh, I'm not one of them. I did go above & beyond in the past but I never worked for people who exploited me or didn't reward my effort. When you don't reward someone for good behavior, they will not bother. And when others bitch about it? Surefire way to stop that above & beyond stuff!
I'd also have to warn any lecherous client that ever dared propose or take an indecent liberty with me that if you try it, I'll make sure to have a metal handle fan so I can hit you upside your head. That's if I'm feeling nice; you don't want to know what might happen if I'm not feeling nice or who else might hurt you.
My life has become an endless "maybe" job limbo. Just when I think all hope is lost, something happens to make me think "Maybe?" It's a constant roller coaster that I'm sick of being on. Even if you have no prospects, take it from me that you're better of not being on that kind of roller coaster. My fear is that if I stop following up, I'll never hear a damn thing again or will get dismissed because I wasn't aggressive enough. Honestly, I don't think I care anymore. It's just irritating when my husband tells me to keep following up since he fears he'll once again be on the layoff chopping block. Another example of what happens when you're a dick to employees: they don't bother doing volunteer stuff on their off time.
So, do higher ups at some of these companies know nothing of the concepts of punishment & reward?? Motivation? Threatening someone with getting fired for not exploiting themselves, thereby showing they are a "team player" just doesn't amuse or impress me.
Hell, though I was in a sorority I was never hazed. I'm the sort who'd just quit or do something downright sinister to the hazers. We also never hazed anyone else in my chapter & I've never heard about hazing in other chapters. See why I've called mine an "anti-sorority?" That's one of the reasons.
I also contacted a law school that is setting up legal services for an area of law I know quite well & have contacts in. If I wanted to, I could be a great resource to find people for them & I certainly think I have the experience to volunteer.
However, my inner cynic tells me I'm going to be just as disappointed with this group as I am with any other. How come?
For one, many sources dealing with volunteer entertainment services have this elitist attitude that any attorney not from a T1 school is an inferior attorney or automatically unequal to a Harvard or Yale graduate who just got admitted.
This is a colossal mistake in entertainment law. For one thing, I read that Charlie Sheen's attorney who has his place in entertainment as a tough enforcer is not some Ivy League graduate. He went to Brooklyn Law School. Yet, he's representing celebrities & I'm sure no one would denigrate him for not being a Yale graduate.
Guess what, stupids? Entertainment law is a purview of personality. Clients don't pick attorneys based on their law schools. That's also true elsewhere but it's definitely true in entertainment law. Personality is king. If you're a jerk, it doesn't matter if you were #1 at Harvard; creative clients won't want to work with you. I know this from talking to many different creative people who were looking for lawyers.
And funny, most of the entertainment lawyers I've talked to also feel like outsiders from the typical firm atmosphere & can't stand the elitism of typical lawyers.
Second, these elitists also believe that any attorney who hasn't been practicing for decades is completely useless & a moron who knows nothing about nothing. I beg to differ in this area since I'm doing something most attorneys of any level don't get to do. My circumstances are different & dismissing me for being licensed for 3 years instead of 7+ without looking at a my specific situation just shows you're an idiot.
If you wonder why I don't recommend things like Volunteer Lawyers for the Arts, that's why. If these organizations don't deem me good enough to assist in an area I have a fair amount of knowledge in, why should I bother recommending them to people who despise elitism probably even more than me? I don't view it as selfish to my colleagues but more like sparing them BS & opting to connect them with quality people that I know will treat them as human beings worthy of respect instead of just a case (time suckage problems notwithstanding). Believe me, that kind of thing determines just what kind of legal services you're going to get. If you are not valued, the lawyer isn't going to be on top of things even if the person's #1 in that area of law.
So I can be an ally or an enemy: your choice. If you refuse to listen to me, I'll never lift a finger for your benefit. Coldhearted or not, that's business folks.
I was also quite gratified to see Cupcake Stop closing. I call BS on the "hiatus" since most business owners would either cede control to partners, hire a new CEO, or sell to someone else & live happily on the proceeds. They'd never just let the business close unless those steps weren't an option.
I had nothing to do with it but I'd be lying to say I don't take some pleasure from seeing a jerk get his comeuppance. Things like that renew my faith in the world & humanity as well as keep me from doing things like becoming a con artist.
You want to get in my face about being happy with the workings of karma? You've obviously never been wronged or treated unfairly in some way. Your life has been cookies & sunshine. Talk to me when you've had some of my life experiences or could beat me in hard luck stories. Avoid religious talk as well since it's irrelevant to me. Respect my beliefs & I'll respect yours; end of story.
And to conclude, it seems I now have to risk becoming an alcoholic or the wife of one to delay getting Alzheimer's. Great!
So I'm just screwed coming & going, aren't I? Not bad enough I had to live with an alcoholic as a child & be subjected to a level of secondhand smoke that will probably lead to lung cancer when I'm older: now I have to start drinking & potentially screw up my entire life. Lovely. Maybe I'll be dead before it's an issue considering my relatives generally died in the 60s-70s range & cancer runs rampant on both sides. On that cheery note...
I'll have to make a list of my pet peeves ranked in order someday. Being jerked around is definitely going to be in the top 5.
I was the sort of retail associate who'd screw over the company in a second to help a customer. If I felt the company had an asinine policy or was being unfair to the customer, I'd throw them under the bus without a second thought. This was when I was in high school.
Not much has changed. At this point, I've concluded that working at a big company would a mistake. I think people who know me would agree: I lack the questionable morals & desire to show fealty to a heartless company where I'm eating scraps while the CEO is having filet mignon and wouldn't think twice about laying me off even if I saved the company from going under, rescued his/her young child from drowning & uncovered theft by the top brass. I also can't imagine a major company being stupid enough to employ someone as smart, assertive & creative as I am. Big companies don't value those things. Oh, hell no!
Seeing the second Dear Prudence letter here just confirmed it. Some of the comments also illustrate that many other people don't mind being slaves to their companies but oh, I'm not one of them. I did go above & beyond in the past but I never worked for people who exploited me or didn't reward my effort. When you don't reward someone for good behavior, they will not bother. And when others bitch about it? Surefire way to stop that above & beyond stuff!
I'd also have to warn any lecherous client that ever dared propose or take an indecent liberty with me that if you try it, I'll make sure to have a metal handle fan so I can hit you upside your head. That's if I'm feeling nice; you don't want to know what might happen if I'm not feeling nice or who else might hurt you.
My life has become an endless "maybe" job limbo. Just when I think all hope is lost, something happens to make me think "Maybe?" It's a constant roller coaster that I'm sick of being on. Even if you have no prospects, take it from me that you're better of not being on that kind of roller coaster. My fear is that if I stop following up, I'll never hear a damn thing again or will get dismissed because I wasn't aggressive enough. Honestly, I don't think I care anymore. It's just irritating when my husband tells me to keep following up since he fears he'll once again be on the layoff chopping block. Another example of what happens when you're a dick to employees: they don't bother doing volunteer stuff on their off time.
So, do higher ups at some of these companies know nothing of the concepts of punishment & reward?? Motivation? Threatening someone with getting fired for not exploiting themselves, thereby showing they are a "team player" just doesn't amuse or impress me.
Hell, though I was in a sorority I was never hazed. I'm the sort who'd just quit or do something downright sinister to the hazers. We also never hazed anyone else in my chapter & I've never heard about hazing in other chapters. See why I've called mine an "anti-sorority?" That's one of the reasons.
I also contacted a law school that is setting up legal services for an area of law I know quite well & have contacts in. If I wanted to, I could be a great resource to find people for them & I certainly think I have the experience to volunteer.
However, my inner cynic tells me I'm going to be just as disappointed with this group as I am with any other. How come?
For one, many sources dealing with volunteer entertainment services have this elitist attitude that any attorney not from a T1 school is an inferior attorney or automatically unequal to a Harvard or Yale graduate who just got admitted.
This is a colossal mistake in entertainment law. For one thing, I read that Charlie Sheen's attorney who has his place in entertainment as a tough enforcer is not some Ivy League graduate. He went to Brooklyn Law School. Yet, he's representing celebrities & I'm sure no one would denigrate him for not being a Yale graduate.
Guess what, stupids? Entertainment law is a purview of personality. Clients don't pick attorneys based on their law schools. That's also true elsewhere but it's definitely true in entertainment law. Personality is king. If you're a jerk, it doesn't matter if you were #1 at Harvard; creative clients won't want to work with you. I know this from talking to many different creative people who were looking for lawyers.
And funny, most of the entertainment lawyers I've talked to also feel like outsiders from the typical firm atmosphere & can't stand the elitism of typical lawyers.
Second, these elitists also believe that any attorney who hasn't been practicing for decades is completely useless & a moron who knows nothing about nothing. I beg to differ in this area since I'm doing something most attorneys of any level don't get to do. My circumstances are different & dismissing me for being licensed for 3 years instead of 7+ without looking at a my specific situation just shows you're an idiot.
If you wonder why I don't recommend things like Volunteer Lawyers for the Arts, that's why. If these organizations don't deem me good enough to assist in an area I have a fair amount of knowledge in, why should I bother recommending them to people who despise elitism probably even more than me? I don't view it as selfish to my colleagues but more like sparing them BS & opting to connect them with quality people that I know will treat them as human beings worthy of respect instead of just a case (time suckage problems notwithstanding). Believe me, that kind of thing determines just what kind of legal services you're going to get. If you are not valued, the lawyer isn't going to be on top of things even if the person's #1 in that area of law.
So I can be an ally or an enemy: your choice. If you refuse to listen to me, I'll never lift a finger for your benefit. Coldhearted or not, that's business folks.
I was also quite gratified to see Cupcake Stop closing. I call BS on the "hiatus" since most business owners would either cede control to partners, hire a new CEO, or sell to someone else & live happily on the proceeds. They'd never just let the business close unless those steps weren't an option.
I had nothing to do with it but I'd be lying to say I don't take some pleasure from seeing a jerk get his comeuppance. Things like that renew my faith in the world & humanity as well as keep me from doing things like becoming a con artist.
You want to get in my face about being happy with the workings of karma? You've obviously never been wronged or treated unfairly in some way. Your life has been cookies & sunshine. Talk to me when you've had some of my life experiences or could beat me in hard luck stories. Avoid religious talk as well since it's irrelevant to me. Respect my beliefs & I'll respect yours; end of story.
And to conclude, it seems I now have to risk becoming an alcoholic or the wife of one to delay getting Alzheimer's. Great!
So I'm just screwed coming & going, aren't I? Not bad enough I had to live with an alcoholic as a child & be subjected to a level of secondhand smoke that will probably lead to lung cancer when I'm older: now I have to start drinking & potentially screw up my entire life. Lovely. Maybe I'll be dead before it's an issue considering my relatives generally died in the 60s-70s range & cancer runs rampant on both sides. On that cheery note...
I'll have to make a list of my pet peeves ranked in order someday. Being jerked around is definitely going to be in the top 5.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Blizzards & Other Disasters: How They Bring People Together
So I'm happy that my family in the South FINALLY got a White Christmas. The last one in their area of NC was close to 30 years ago. I told my mom to make sure my nephew gets to play in the snow + if he wants to get tons of snow to play in, he can always visit me in NYC. CT also gets tons of snow.
I remember first moving to CT & after going through that scary blizzard to visit the law school, driving through yet more snowfall from West Haven after going to this guy's house one evening early on in my law school career. I also remember getting my car stuck in the snow & a guy coming to my rescue on that. My law school classmates who were w/me that night instantly thought he was cute (or if you want to use the British term, "fancied," which I think fits here & should become part of the American vernacular) & he hung out w/us that whole evening. I was simply grateful my car was no longer in the snow.
So that first Northeast winter, I got an instant education on the pitfalls of mass snowfall.
I find it telling & interesting that natural disasters tend to bring people together. Granted, you don't need snowfall to make that happen. Power outages or getting stuck on a subway can do it as well. Still, I was living in Atlanta during the 2003 blackout & for 9/11. Since I'm sitting here in NYC while the snow steadily falls (and am thrilled I won't have to drive in it), I wanted to wax eloquently about a particular bad weather experience in college.
Atlanta saw some bad weather once in a while but no blizzards, very few ice storms and you'd see a lot of people wanting it to snow so we'd get out of classes.
One Sunday in January (could have been February but I think it was before my birthday) we got an ice storm. There were some visitors from my sorority helping us in our recruitment efforts & building our colony (I joined my chapter when it was a simply a colony, making me one of the founding members). At that time, I'd only been in the sorority for a couple months. I didn't know a lot of the girls too well & heard talk about people but didn't know enough about the subjects of that talk to form my own opinion of them. Having been talked about myself, I was not the sort to condemn people just for sleeping with people or getting drunk somewhere.
So, I remember hearing a knock on my dorm room door & going to answer. My RA was there, telling me that there was an ice storm. She may have been evacuating the dorm to the student center but my memory escapes me here.
I got dressed & went to meet with my sorority sisters, since we'd had our colony building activities scheduled at the same place that I had to attend anyway. When we were finished with our meeting basically talking about the lack of power, we walked into the dining hall to find food heated by sterno & classmates saying there was no power.
So since we had no events continuing at the moment, my family lived very far away & I didn't drive, I just decided to hang out. I ended up hanging out with a sorority sister who became one of my close friends in college since we were trying to get in touch with our parents, figure out what was going on, etc. I had no reason to go back to my dorm since it was abandoned, there was no power, etc.
We ended up going shopping at Lenox Square Mall, eating a hot meal & I got some undies at Victoria's Secret.
After we got back to campus, we were told to go to the student center immediately. We go into the darkened building, where the powers that be were trying to evacuate the campus due to the lack of power (and by extension, the lack of heat). I figured I'd be staying on campus that night since again, no family nearby & I didn't drive.
Instead another sorority sister (who was the colony president as well as my big sister), told me I was going to spend the evening at her house since her parents had power. I went back to my dorm to pack up and then met w/her as she told me.
Turns out me & some other classmates I knew to varying length (male & female) were going to this sorority sister's house. She'd talked about her parents being cool & not having an issue w/guy friends spending the night. This was a total 180 from my parents, considering that we didn't have a home environment you'd want to bring people into + my mom is still quite puritanical today. She was even more so when we were younger.
Sure enough, my big sister was dead accurate about her parents. They didn't bat an eye at seeing our crowd or seem put out by us all being there. We just settled down, watched movies, hung out & stayed warm. The next day, we did more of the same & attempted to find out when we'd be having class again (since the university pretty much had to cancel classes with power not being restored by Monday morning + the previous night's evacuation). On Monday evening, my dorm had power again so I & the other refugees from that dorm went back to our cable TV, showers and solitude.
Even now, you can form alliances when you're clearing snow off your car. My husband's helped people get their cars out as they've helped him with our car. Let's face it, when technology isn't available or there's some crisis preventing you from staying at home you can see human kindness manifest itself in strange ways. Sometimes, it's the people you wouldn't think would help you or someone you'd never talked to before.
I suppose it's why I find crisis interesting. You learn things about people & see things you wouldn't otherwise see. There's deviations from the facade people like to place up about themselves & I think it forms bonds you might not otherwise get. That's also the reason I think one of the best ways to get to know someone is taking a road trip w/the person: the facade eventually vanishes & you get insight into the real person if the trip is long enough.
I remember first moving to CT & after going through that scary blizzard to visit the law school, driving through yet more snowfall from West Haven after going to this guy's house one evening early on in my law school career. I also remember getting my car stuck in the snow & a guy coming to my rescue on that. My law school classmates who were w/me that night instantly thought he was cute (or if you want to use the British term, "fancied," which I think fits here & should become part of the American vernacular) & he hung out w/us that whole evening. I was simply grateful my car was no longer in the snow.
So that first Northeast winter, I got an instant education on the pitfalls of mass snowfall.
I find it telling & interesting that natural disasters tend to bring people together. Granted, you don't need snowfall to make that happen. Power outages or getting stuck on a subway can do it as well. Still, I was living in Atlanta during the 2003 blackout & for 9/11. Since I'm sitting here in NYC while the snow steadily falls (and am thrilled I won't have to drive in it), I wanted to wax eloquently about a particular bad weather experience in college.
Atlanta saw some bad weather once in a while but no blizzards, very few ice storms and you'd see a lot of people wanting it to snow so we'd get out of classes.
One Sunday in January (could have been February but I think it was before my birthday) we got an ice storm. There were some visitors from my sorority helping us in our recruitment efforts & building our colony (I joined my chapter when it was a simply a colony, making me one of the founding members). At that time, I'd only been in the sorority for a couple months. I didn't know a lot of the girls too well & heard talk about people but didn't know enough about the subjects of that talk to form my own opinion of them. Having been talked about myself, I was not the sort to condemn people just for sleeping with people or getting drunk somewhere.
So, I remember hearing a knock on my dorm room door & going to answer. My RA was there, telling me that there was an ice storm. She may have been evacuating the dorm to the student center but my memory escapes me here.
I got dressed & went to meet with my sorority sisters, since we'd had our colony building activities scheduled at the same place that I had to attend anyway. When we were finished with our meeting basically talking about the lack of power, we walked into the dining hall to find food heated by sterno & classmates saying there was no power.
So since we had no events continuing at the moment, my family lived very far away & I didn't drive, I just decided to hang out. I ended up hanging out with a sorority sister who became one of my close friends in college since we were trying to get in touch with our parents, figure out what was going on, etc. I had no reason to go back to my dorm since it was abandoned, there was no power, etc.
We ended up going shopping at Lenox Square Mall, eating a hot meal & I got some undies at Victoria's Secret.
After we got back to campus, we were told to go to the student center immediately. We go into the darkened building, where the powers that be were trying to evacuate the campus due to the lack of power (and by extension, the lack of heat). I figured I'd be staying on campus that night since again, no family nearby & I didn't drive.
Instead another sorority sister (who was the colony president as well as my big sister), told me I was going to spend the evening at her house since her parents had power. I went back to my dorm to pack up and then met w/her as she told me.
Turns out me & some other classmates I knew to varying length (male & female) were going to this sorority sister's house. She'd talked about her parents being cool & not having an issue w/guy friends spending the night. This was a total 180 from my parents, considering that we didn't have a home environment you'd want to bring people into + my mom is still quite puritanical today. She was even more so when we were younger.
Sure enough, my big sister was dead accurate about her parents. They didn't bat an eye at seeing our crowd or seem put out by us all being there. We just settled down, watched movies, hung out & stayed warm. The next day, we did more of the same & attempted to find out when we'd be having class again (since the university pretty much had to cancel classes with power not being restored by Monday morning + the previous night's evacuation). On Monday evening, my dorm had power again so I & the other refugees from that dorm went back to our cable TV, showers and solitude.
Even now, you can form alliances when you're clearing snow off your car. My husband's helped people get their cars out as they've helped him with our car. Let's face it, when technology isn't available or there's some crisis preventing you from staying at home you can see human kindness manifest itself in strange ways. Sometimes, it's the people you wouldn't think would help you or someone you'd never talked to before.
I suppose it's why I find crisis interesting. You learn things about people & see things you wouldn't otherwise see. There's deviations from the facade people like to place up about themselves & I think it forms bonds you might not otherwise get. That's also the reason I think one of the best ways to get to know someone is taking a road trip w/the person: the facade eventually vanishes & you get insight into the real person if the trip is long enough.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Where Were You on 9/11?
I remember this quite well. However, my story isn't nearly that depressing since I wasn't living in NYC & didn't have any family or friends who died that day. Mine's actually a bit entertaining & unusual.
I also avoid any type of ceremony or events on 9/11 since I don't believe in dwelling on all that in lavish public displays, especially when no one gets to take the day off as a holiday; I had enough of the 24/7 coverage when it happened, okay? Maybe it's different if you were in NYC at the time but even my law school roommate didn't watch the media coverage or go to the site & she was a student at NYU at the time.
To set the scene, I have to mention a few things about my life at the time & what was happening that week:
1. I was a college student in Atlanta; if you want specifics, go read my bio. My school was located further away from the downtown area but still had a Marta stop nearby.
2. I was in a sorority. During this particular week, we were having sorority recruitment (rush for you old timers) & my sorority was hosting 2 national staff members who'd flown in to help us w/recruitment. I was living on the floor assigned to our chapter where our guests were staying along w/a few other members.
3. Classes: I had a morning & an afternoon class on Tuesdays and Thursdays. The morning class started at 9:50, if I remember correctly. I had a policy of not taking any class before 10 unless it was a Psych class (which this was) & then trying to avoid anything before 9:30. The class was very small, about 6-8 people tops.
4. My relationship situation: I was single & had just gotten back to school after a summer relationship w/Vampire Boy, who'd had plans to move to NYC but didn't have the $ so had been stuck in NC when I'd met him. At the time, he was still saving $ to move from NC. The weekend before, I'd been to a frat party at GA Tech & gotten the phone number of a guy I spoke to for all of 10 minutes; a sorority sister who'd spoken to him much longer wondered how I did it & I don't even know to this day.
5. My television reception was nil & the only television I watched was VHS tapes of shows I'd taped back when I had cable a year or more before. I'm a huge proponent of getting to pick what you want to watch instead of relying on the networks to entertain you. Chances are, it won't happen.
All these things are mentioned for good reason since they shape what personally happened to me on that day.
For those thinking being outside of NYC means you didn't feel the effect of 9/11, boy are you wrong!!! I think major cities definitely felt it; I'll tell you why in a bit.
I go to my early morning Psych class. This is where I hear about the first airplane going through the World Trade Center. It seemed like a made up story until one girl in the class told us that her mother was a flight attendant for Delta & she was trying to find out if her mother had been on the plane that crashed. Our professor & the rest of us were trying to offer comfort, mentioning that she shouldn't assume something bad had happened until she knew for sure. Later, she learned her mother was okay.
It was a very weird class since my professor certainly couldn't do any teaching with all this.
When I go back to my dorm room, the reality of the situation hit me. I go down the hall to the room of 2 of my sisters, which was our common room since they had this large space in their room while the rest of us didn't. If you wanted to be social, this was the place to go. I see every single sister who lived on the floor, our guests & a few other members glued to the TV while the media is reporting the events. We also talk amongst ourselves about the gravity of it all.
It was extremely surreal. I remember the biggest question on my brain & that I even asked was "What's going to happen tomorrow?" We knew things were not going to be the same. To give you an idea of some of the paranoia in Atlanta, the media & people I knew were concerned that there would be an attack on the CDC or something catastrophic was going to happen to affect people in downtown Atlanta.
My own parents were paranoid about me being in Atlanta at the time but I remember my mother saying that even though they were worried, they felt better knowing I was w/my sorority sisters. Everyone was sure Atlanta was going to be next.
In fact, some of my sorority sisters went to GA Tech to go get some of the members of the frat where I'd been to the party out of this fear. I remember seeing one sister's boyfriend (both of whom I was particularly close with) as well as the guy I got the phone number from the weekend before. We get to talking and at one point, some of us went to the McDonalds down the road to get food.
When my sorority sisters returned from GA Tech, we learned that apparently they'd closed GA Tech completely (this was maybe around 11:30-12:30). No announcement was made about our classes until later in the afternoon, when the prayer meeting was held.
9/11 was not one of those days when you wanted to be alone. Not for me, my sorority sisters or anyone we were around, at least. The personality conflicts & issues you had with people vanished that day. Our RA even had a prayer meeting later in the day for students, which we stopped by at.
One thing I also remember doing is calling friends and family. In my case, I called my family as well as Vampire Boy. Vampire Boy didn't really care to talk to me & acted cold, in my book so I was also upset from that. I felt that my presence that summer may have prevented him from being in NYC at the time; he did spend some money to take me out, after all.
So in the context of all this, I end up talking to the guy I'd gotten that number from. He's officially known as 4 Day Guy. At one point, we end up in my room making out & later that night, he took me out for dinner at this sandwich place down the street I'd never been to. Before this happened, I said point blank I didn't do stuff like that w/anyone who wasn't dating me exclusively. So he agreed that we were boyfriend/girlfriend that day before all this happened.
Days after that (while our recruitment was continuing on a smaller scale), I went to his room at GA Tech almost nightly for more making out. Guess when we broke up, or rather when he dumped me??? 4 days later when his frat threw my chapter a Bid Day party for our new members. That made me even more pissed since here I am, introducing this guy as my boyfriend to people & as a member of the sorority their party is for when he decides to dump me in the middle of it. I'd have rather been dumped on the phone so he wouldn't get to see me cry. I did my best to make sure he didn't.
I didn't drive there so I'm frantically seeking money to get train fare so I can leave. Another sorority sister, who'll have my endless gratitude for this, intervenes & sits there while I'm crying. She also offers some comfort & makes me feel better enough to go back out to the party.
This night gets more interesting. I had a sex buddy at the time (who also went to Tech but didn't hang around this fraternity) who I'd not seen in ages & had no way to contact. He was one of those people who seemed to magically appear whenever my life was falling apart or hitting some kind of turmoil. Some of the members who weren't as close to the guys in this frat decide to go back to campus. Considering what had just happened to me, I was eager to get the hell out of there.
We end up going to another party. Guess who I magically see?? You got it, the sex buddy.
Like you'd expect from a sex buddy, this guy also comforted me in more ways than the obvious. We all like having someone around who makes us feel wanted, attractive, and that we didn't deserve to get played like that.
Life tip, though. Never sleep with a guy the night you get dumped, even if you're really hurting. It screws up the getting over the relationship process. A relationship I should have gotten over in 1 week took 2.
4 Day Guy later had the gall to blame 9/11 for dating me. When I pointed out he took my phone number the weekend before it happened, he tried to ignore reality. Later, another sorority sister decided to date this guy. By then, I was dating someone else but I wasn't crazy about having to potentially interact w/him at our holiday party. Even other sisters weren't happy about it. One even called him "4 Day Guy."
You know you've got a good wit when your nicknames for people start catching on w/others who know them. Later, I learned 4 Day Guy should have been called "Short Dick Man" & that I didn't miss much.
Because of the issue with airplanes & flying, our guests probably saw much more of our real selves than they bargained for since they had to stay until they could get flights out of Atlanta (maybe a week later). You can only wear a mask of politeness & discretion for so long. Eventually it falls away & the true person comes out. That's also a reason I think long road trips are a great way to get to know people. I think they sort of blended in with us eventually.
Now, yes I had a very eventful 9/11. It might sound like I was a slut or wild child in college. Not really. No same sex encounters (nearly all my sorority sisters were straight & none of them were exhibitionists--I'm also straight w/a capital STRAIGHT), no drinking (had a shot of Southern Comfort the night I got dumped & immediately threw it up--I hate throwing up) & no sex unless I was comfortable w/the person, there was protection, we were exclusive, etc. Didn't do that sharing shit & no one night stands until much later on. The guys involved in those were guys I'd have wanted to date but for whatever reason, it didn't happen.
However, I definitely took advantage of the fact that guys finally noticed me as an object of desire & I had no visions of long-term relationships or marriage then since I knew I wouldn't stay in Atlanta for life. My whole life at that time supported me not being in a serious relationship or getting tied down.
I followed my mother's guidance on this, which was basically to date enough so you'll know Mr. Right when you see him. Never said I was saintly but I also agree w/some other guidance passed on by a high school teacher of mine, which is to have adventures & do things so you won't look back when you're 60 & say "I didn't do anything." I did things sober most people would have to be drunk for.
I also never did anything I thought I'd regret later. I still don't regret stuff I did. I figure I got my wild oats/adventures out of me & by the time I met my husband, I was all set. That's not even to say I don't still have interesting things happening there; I still think sex is extremely important in a relationship & my husband agrees. You'd never see either of us in a sexless marriage.
The Vampire Boy saga continued later but that's another story.
So that's my fun & exciting 9/11 story. I figured it would be interesting to share years later w/people who weren't alive for 9/11 since it's a bit more interesting that the typical "where were you" stories of major national events.
I also avoid any type of ceremony or events on 9/11 since I don't believe in dwelling on all that in lavish public displays, especially when no one gets to take the day off as a holiday; I had enough of the 24/7 coverage when it happened, okay? Maybe it's different if you were in NYC at the time but even my law school roommate didn't watch the media coverage or go to the site & she was a student at NYU at the time.
To set the scene, I have to mention a few things about my life at the time & what was happening that week:
1. I was a college student in Atlanta; if you want specifics, go read my bio. My school was located further away from the downtown area but still had a Marta stop nearby.
2. I was in a sorority. During this particular week, we were having sorority recruitment (rush for you old timers) & my sorority was hosting 2 national staff members who'd flown in to help us w/recruitment. I was living on the floor assigned to our chapter where our guests were staying along w/a few other members.
3. Classes: I had a morning & an afternoon class on Tuesdays and Thursdays. The morning class started at 9:50, if I remember correctly. I had a policy of not taking any class before 10 unless it was a Psych class (which this was) & then trying to avoid anything before 9:30. The class was very small, about 6-8 people tops.
4. My relationship situation: I was single & had just gotten back to school after a summer relationship w/Vampire Boy, who'd had plans to move to NYC but didn't have the $ so had been stuck in NC when I'd met him. At the time, he was still saving $ to move from NC. The weekend before, I'd been to a frat party at GA Tech & gotten the phone number of a guy I spoke to for all of 10 minutes; a sorority sister who'd spoken to him much longer wondered how I did it & I don't even know to this day.
5. My television reception was nil & the only television I watched was VHS tapes of shows I'd taped back when I had cable a year or more before. I'm a huge proponent of getting to pick what you want to watch instead of relying on the networks to entertain you. Chances are, it won't happen.
All these things are mentioned for good reason since they shape what personally happened to me on that day.
For those thinking being outside of NYC means you didn't feel the effect of 9/11, boy are you wrong!!! I think major cities definitely felt it; I'll tell you why in a bit.
I go to my early morning Psych class. This is where I hear about the first airplane going through the World Trade Center. It seemed like a made up story until one girl in the class told us that her mother was a flight attendant for Delta & she was trying to find out if her mother had been on the plane that crashed. Our professor & the rest of us were trying to offer comfort, mentioning that she shouldn't assume something bad had happened until she knew for sure. Later, she learned her mother was okay.
It was a very weird class since my professor certainly couldn't do any teaching with all this.
When I go back to my dorm room, the reality of the situation hit me. I go down the hall to the room of 2 of my sisters, which was our common room since they had this large space in their room while the rest of us didn't. If you wanted to be social, this was the place to go. I see every single sister who lived on the floor, our guests & a few other members glued to the TV while the media is reporting the events. We also talk amongst ourselves about the gravity of it all.
It was extremely surreal. I remember the biggest question on my brain & that I even asked was "What's going to happen tomorrow?" We knew things were not going to be the same. To give you an idea of some of the paranoia in Atlanta, the media & people I knew were concerned that there would be an attack on the CDC or something catastrophic was going to happen to affect people in downtown Atlanta.
My own parents were paranoid about me being in Atlanta at the time but I remember my mother saying that even though they were worried, they felt better knowing I was w/my sorority sisters. Everyone was sure Atlanta was going to be next.
In fact, some of my sorority sisters went to GA Tech to go get some of the members of the frat where I'd been to the party out of this fear. I remember seeing one sister's boyfriend (both of whom I was particularly close with) as well as the guy I got the phone number from the weekend before. We get to talking and at one point, some of us went to the McDonalds down the road to get food.
When my sorority sisters returned from GA Tech, we learned that apparently they'd closed GA Tech completely (this was maybe around 11:30-12:30). No announcement was made about our classes until later in the afternoon, when the prayer meeting was held.
9/11 was not one of those days when you wanted to be alone. Not for me, my sorority sisters or anyone we were around, at least. The personality conflicts & issues you had with people vanished that day. Our RA even had a prayer meeting later in the day for students, which we stopped by at.
One thing I also remember doing is calling friends and family. In my case, I called my family as well as Vampire Boy. Vampire Boy didn't really care to talk to me & acted cold, in my book so I was also upset from that. I felt that my presence that summer may have prevented him from being in NYC at the time; he did spend some money to take me out, after all.
So in the context of all this, I end up talking to the guy I'd gotten that number from. He's officially known as 4 Day Guy. At one point, we end up in my room making out & later that night, he took me out for dinner at this sandwich place down the street I'd never been to. Before this happened, I said point blank I didn't do stuff like that w/anyone who wasn't dating me exclusively. So he agreed that we were boyfriend/girlfriend that day before all this happened.
Days after that (while our recruitment was continuing on a smaller scale), I went to his room at GA Tech almost nightly for more making out. Guess when we broke up, or rather when he dumped me??? 4 days later when his frat threw my chapter a Bid Day party for our new members. That made me even more pissed since here I am, introducing this guy as my boyfriend to people & as a member of the sorority their party is for when he decides to dump me in the middle of it. I'd have rather been dumped on the phone so he wouldn't get to see me cry. I did my best to make sure he didn't.
I didn't drive there so I'm frantically seeking money to get train fare so I can leave. Another sorority sister, who'll have my endless gratitude for this, intervenes & sits there while I'm crying. She also offers some comfort & makes me feel better enough to go back out to the party.
This night gets more interesting. I had a sex buddy at the time (who also went to Tech but didn't hang around this fraternity) who I'd not seen in ages & had no way to contact. He was one of those people who seemed to magically appear whenever my life was falling apart or hitting some kind of turmoil. Some of the members who weren't as close to the guys in this frat decide to go back to campus. Considering what had just happened to me, I was eager to get the hell out of there.
We end up going to another party. Guess who I magically see?? You got it, the sex buddy.
Like you'd expect from a sex buddy, this guy also comforted me in more ways than the obvious. We all like having someone around who makes us feel wanted, attractive, and that we didn't deserve to get played like that.
Life tip, though. Never sleep with a guy the night you get dumped, even if you're really hurting. It screws up the getting over the relationship process. A relationship I should have gotten over in 1 week took 2.
4 Day Guy later had the gall to blame 9/11 for dating me. When I pointed out he took my phone number the weekend before it happened, he tried to ignore reality. Later, another sorority sister decided to date this guy. By then, I was dating someone else but I wasn't crazy about having to potentially interact w/him at our holiday party. Even other sisters weren't happy about it. One even called him "4 Day Guy."
You know you've got a good wit when your nicknames for people start catching on w/others who know them. Later, I learned 4 Day Guy should have been called "Short Dick Man" & that I didn't miss much.
Because of the issue with airplanes & flying, our guests probably saw much more of our real selves than they bargained for since they had to stay until they could get flights out of Atlanta (maybe a week later). You can only wear a mask of politeness & discretion for so long. Eventually it falls away & the true person comes out. That's also a reason I think long road trips are a great way to get to know people. I think they sort of blended in with us eventually.
Now, yes I had a very eventful 9/11. It might sound like I was a slut or wild child in college. Not really. No same sex encounters (nearly all my sorority sisters were straight & none of them were exhibitionists--I'm also straight w/a capital STRAIGHT), no drinking (had a shot of Southern Comfort the night I got dumped & immediately threw it up--I hate throwing up) & no sex unless I was comfortable w/the person, there was protection, we were exclusive, etc. Didn't do that sharing shit & no one night stands until much later on. The guys involved in those were guys I'd have wanted to date but for whatever reason, it didn't happen.
However, I definitely took advantage of the fact that guys finally noticed me as an object of desire & I had no visions of long-term relationships or marriage then since I knew I wouldn't stay in Atlanta for life. My whole life at that time supported me not being in a serious relationship or getting tied down.
I followed my mother's guidance on this, which was basically to date enough so you'll know Mr. Right when you see him. Never said I was saintly but I also agree w/some other guidance passed on by a high school teacher of mine, which is to have adventures & do things so you won't look back when you're 60 & say "I didn't do anything." I did things sober most people would have to be drunk for.
I also never did anything I thought I'd regret later. I still don't regret stuff I did. I figure I got my wild oats/adventures out of me & by the time I met my husband, I was all set. That's not even to say I don't still have interesting things happening there; I still think sex is extremely important in a relationship & my husband agrees. You'd never see either of us in a sexless marriage.
The Vampire Boy saga continued later but that's another story.
So that's my fun & exciting 9/11 story. I figured it would be interesting to share years later w/people who weren't alive for 9/11 since it's a bit more interesting that the typical "where were you" stories of major national events.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Life Update & Rant All in One
Remember that day job I was talking about before? Well, this time it looks like I have a legit offer where I will get paid to do something. I'm not the sort of person who likes to sit around doing nothing; that just drives me insane. I start on Monday & I dread having to find parking in our neighborhood in the evenings after working but at least I'll be getting that steady income, learning something useful & even getting to work as an attorney. We're also assured to get to stay in NYC regardless of what happens to the library's budget.
Not sure how often I'll be updating but I think in 2 weeks, I should be okay & able to adjust to it all. I also got another possible opportunity in the works & have creative projects to work on but that's a different story that will be explained much later.
Now, I have a major rant that I realized I haven't done. There's a media portrayal of women I absolutely have a fucking pet peeve toward: women who put up with total BS from some popular or handsome guy while being nice to the nerd. I saw the new MTV show The Hard Times of R.J. Berger & the character of Jenny is completely sexist to women. How come?
See the second episode, where R.J. runs for student council president. Jenny's going to her boyfriend, the current president & asking for money for the Drama Club. He says to her "You know I love you & would do anything for you. Request denied." Not to mention this guy is being a douche bag at every turn & not just to the lead character, "the nerd" of the show.
I'd have NEVER taken that shit in high school. Come to think of it, even when I had to put up with it from smart kids due to being in classes with them I don't think I would have been motivated to put up with it from a guy. Especially one that went around making sexually inappropriate comments about me to all his friends, jock or not. If it were me & most other women, I'd simply call out the guy in front of everyone.
I've not met a single woman who's that big of a moron & would let any man she was dating insult her right to her face. If I had, you better believe I'd tell that woman to wake up & get a clue. Stop making the rest of us look like brain-dead little flunkies who should have mattresses strapped to our backs & Welcome written on our foreheads b/c we think that little of ourselves.
You know who is a good portrayal of a woman? Julia Sugarbaker on Designing Women. She was classy & didn't take other people's crap but also had looks. Beauty & brains! Some women do have that, all right?
It's downright insulting & sexist to see Hollywood holding up women who act like that. I feel one of my missions as someone doing creative work & doing what I'm doing is to feature real women, strong women. Women who don't let men push them around or put having any man ahead of their children, careers, friendships or well-being. I don't consider women like that worth my time or my friendship.
I also say this as a woman who was in a sorority. There were lots of strong women in my chapter who'd never have put up with such things & would tell a sister if she wasn't standing up for herself or allowed some guy to push her around. In mine, there were lots of times when I felt like our sisterhood was all that we had so you can bet it was quite solid for the most part.
My God, don't even get me started on how sororities are treated in the media! I feel my own experience was quite helpful to me in life & probably a reason why I've gotten to do some of the things I have at such an early stage in my career & at a younger age than many people. I'm also glad antisocial me stuck with it when I felt like giving up since the idea of being in a sorority kind of violates some personal truths.
Nonetheless, I stand by my hatred of ignorant weakling women who refuse to stand up for themselves in the face of insults and assholes writing roles that reinforce that stereotype about women. I want to kick some of those people in the balls very hard since I'm pretty sure most women don't have that kind of self-loathing for their gender.
Not sure how often I'll be updating but I think in 2 weeks, I should be okay & able to adjust to it all. I also got another possible opportunity in the works & have creative projects to work on but that's a different story that will be explained much later.
Now, I have a major rant that I realized I haven't done. There's a media portrayal of women I absolutely have a fucking pet peeve toward: women who put up with total BS from some popular or handsome guy while being nice to the nerd. I saw the new MTV show The Hard Times of R.J. Berger & the character of Jenny is completely sexist to women. How come?
See the second episode, where R.J. runs for student council president. Jenny's going to her boyfriend, the current president & asking for money for the Drama Club. He says to her "You know I love you & would do anything for you. Request denied." Not to mention this guy is being a douche bag at every turn & not just to the lead character, "the nerd" of the show.
I'd have NEVER taken that shit in high school. Come to think of it, even when I had to put up with it from smart kids due to being in classes with them I don't think I would have been motivated to put up with it from a guy. Especially one that went around making sexually inappropriate comments about me to all his friends, jock or not. If it were me & most other women, I'd simply call out the guy in front of everyone.
I've not met a single woman who's that big of a moron & would let any man she was dating insult her right to her face. If I had, you better believe I'd tell that woman to wake up & get a clue. Stop making the rest of us look like brain-dead little flunkies who should have mattresses strapped to our backs & Welcome written on our foreheads b/c we think that little of ourselves.
You know who is a good portrayal of a woman? Julia Sugarbaker on Designing Women. She was classy & didn't take other people's crap but also had looks. Beauty & brains! Some women do have that, all right?
It's downright insulting & sexist to see Hollywood holding up women who act like that. I feel one of my missions as someone doing creative work & doing what I'm doing is to feature real women, strong women. Women who don't let men push them around or put having any man ahead of their children, careers, friendships or well-being. I don't consider women like that worth my time or my friendship.
I also say this as a woman who was in a sorority. There were lots of strong women in my chapter who'd never have put up with such things & would tell a sister if she wasn't standing up for herself or allowed some guy to push her around. In mine, there were lots of times when I felt like our sisterhood was all that we had so you can bet it was quite solid for the most part.
My God, don't even get me started on how sororities are treated in the media! I feel my own experience was quite helpful to me in life & probably a reason why I've gotten to do some of the things I have at such an early stage in my career & at a younger age than many people. I'm also glad antisocial me stuck with it when I felt like giving up since the idea of being in a sorority kind of violates some personal truths.
Nonetheless, I stand by my hatred of ignorant weakling women who refuse to stand up for themselves in the face of insults and assholes writing roles that reinforce that stereotype about women. I want to kick some of those people in the balls very hard since I'm pretty sure most women don't have that kind of self-loathing for their gender.
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