If Everyone is a "Victim," Then is ANYONE a "Victim"???

This is what society ought to be asking itself in the wake of Kanavaugh's accuser and her story. I'm delighted that Aziz Ansari hasn't totally been ruined by the words of "Grace" and her being propped up as a "victim" but giving that any credence was bad enough.

Let's explain a few things about law that these left wing loons seem clueless about:

1. To prove a criminal act, the accuser has to prove their case. Being uncooperative doesn't get your case handled. Not answering questions or acting like you are automatically truthful and saintly doesn't lead to a criminal conviction. Put simply, women DO lie. There are countless stories of false rape accusations that led to men being incarcerated, losing careers, losing college scholarships and even one guy losing his athletic career due to a lying female. You can't erase the impact of false accusations & the women who do it should be punished just as harshly as the person they accused + forced to pay restitution to their victim.

2. We also have a concept in the law called "mens rea." You have to prove a criminal intention & mentality. A drunk guy getting fresh isn't enough. He has to have TOLD you "I'm going to rape you," ignored you when you told him to stop, threatened you with a weapon, deliberately injured you or engage in a modus operandi that he used to rape other women (the exact same scenario happening to you that didn't result in rape where it did result in that with 20 other women is more indicative of a pattern). Something to indicate he wasn't just being another drunk person doing something impolite in the moment.

3. Cops don't lock people up for things they MIGHT do. People MIGHT do just about anything: blow up the local 7-Eleven, snort cocaine, call up the space aliens to murder everyone, pass out drunk, eat a bagel, whatever. We don't have the thought police.

4. Getting fresh while drunk isn't polite but it's not tantamount to rape or sexual assault. The law isn't based on politeness, it's based on actual harm being done to people. If that were something you could get jailed for, we'd have to lock up most of the adults in this country (including women because guess what? Women also grope while drunk).

5. The law isn't written for the eggshell skull types but under the reasonable person standard. A reasonable person isn't a whiny little victim who refuses to take any personal responsibility or engage in any measure of common sense. A law enforcement officer would want to know if you were drugged, if you had physical injuries, how old everyone was, where it happened, when it happened, if you made any effort to tell the guy "no" or push him away and so forth.

Exactly what law did Kanavaugh break (specific citation and definition from a statute if you please)? He wasn't an adult at the time, they supposedly were both drinking, she can't recall the date (even the year), whose house she was at, how she got to the party or the bedroom, how she got home, who was with her, none of that. Her own alleged witnesses don't corroborate her story, she doesn't claim to have been drugged, doesn't say she was threatened with a weapon or that Kanavaugh said "I'm going to rape you" or ignored her when she said no or did anything else to deter his actions. What was a 15 year old doing in an environment with drinking and hanging out with drunk people? She also has a changing story & there is such a thing as false memory that has been discussed in the field of psychology.

The timing is also highly suspicious and we're going to high school?!?! Maybe some girl whose bra snap he snapped wants to try getting the FBI to investigate that as well. As an attorney myself, I can tell you that not just anybody can be admitted to the bar. The standards to become a judge are even higher and the ones to become a Supreme Court Justice are higher still. On the state bar applications I filled out, I was never asked about all the parties and venues I attended where alcohol was consumed or who I interacted with there. They ask you about a lot of things & do just about everything but take fingerprints and bodily fluids if you want to become a lawyer anywhere in the US.

I also know of what I speak since I had a similar situation happen to me before I came to law school & after graduating college. I was sober, could tell you the year and month (nailing it down to one of two dates & day of the week) and what happened from beginning to end. A number of actual rape and assault victims have stated similar details & I even read an account from an adult victim who was a child, had consumed drugs and alcohol and said those details were seared into her mind in spite of all that.

Mine happened the night I went to a Halloween party with a sorority sister, her fiance and her gay bestie. As my usual manner, I was sober and remember having a taste of straight up whisky at this party, finding the taste awful and not having any more alcohol that evening. I met new people and just hung out there while also explaining my costume. My sorority sister had invited me to sleep over that evening since the party was going on late and she lived a distance from my home (I drove there). Her fiance had a lot to drink at this party. Later, we all went to a diner to eat and he kept nodding off. I'd been to karaoke with them and other people before so I'd been around this guy when he was drinking in the past. At no time had he ever done anything inappropriate. He'd not so much as flirted with me or given me indication of any romantic interest in me, drunk or sober. He wasn't my physical type anyway and even if he had been, I have never been the type who'd have chased after anyone's taken man (especially a sorority sister).

I was lying down on the couch in my PJ's, getting ready to go to bed. By this point, my sorority sister has gone upstairs. Her fiance comes out, gets on top of me and kisses me on the mouth. I'm like "Get off me. Go find (sorority sister's name)." He persists.

A thought screaming in my head is "This is wrong. This is your sorority sister's fiance."

I also felt nothing in terms of arousal (remember, he wasn't my type so I had no interest). I'm also not turned on by taken men, especially when they're taken by a loved one.

In this stern, "don't fuck with me" tone, I say "If you don't get off me right now, I'm getting up and going home." I was livid, not thinking about "how are you going to get this guy off you" but just pissed at that moment. I was in a fighting mood & fire was flowing through me.

He gets off me and goes upstairs.

The next day, I tell the gay bestie in private since I feel it's not worth blowing up her relationship when this guy could have been blackout drunk and not even remember doing it. I still feel it was a drunken blunder vs. a deliberate and intentional action. I told her friend in case he wanted to tell her or if he saw some red flag and felt it necessary to speak up. I guess he didn't since I never heard from her later on or got confronted with it. I no longer speak to her for unrelated reasons but I never called myself a victim, didn't call the police (since there was nothing for them to do) and didn't hang out with them again since I was in the process of moving for law school at the time and my schedule got filled up anyway. Plus, I don't think my sorority sister invited me out anyway since she was busy with engagement stuff.

I never felt there was anything he needed to apologize for since he might have been blackout drunk. Blackout drunk means you don't remember anything you did at the time. My father experienced that a lot. I chalked that up to an unfortunate episode that I handled. I wasn't injured, didn't get raped, didn't get threatened or abused and I don't live with psychological trauma from it. My childhood with an alcoholic father and my divorce were traumatic. This was merely a guy being impolite and me standing up for myself; it didn't require the police or a jail cell or ruining my sorority sister's relationship. He wasn't some career rapist or a guy constantly harassing women or even a guy who'd ever harassed me. I've seen cretins & dealt with plenty of other drunk guys getting fresh. I know how to take care of myself & have told off as well as slapped guys for doing that.

From living with my father, I wouldn't have gone to a high school party with alcohol even if I were invited since drunk people do stupid shit and it was never my scene. My parents would have killed everyone involved if I had gone to such a party or were drinking in my teen years. My mother didn't tolerate that shit and people who are smokers, alcoholics, drug addicts and the like will be the first to come down on you if you start doing that stuff. My father would have been harder on us than anybody if we thought about engaging in underage drinking.

I know people who were molested by family members when they were kids (and knew about some of that before I went to college; one of the victims had been a close friend of mine). I know someone else who had to fight off an armed attacker. Those people qualify as victims. People molested by adults in power as children or told "sleep with me or lose your job" are victims. People who were drugged unknowingly and wake up not remembering what happened are victims. I am not a victim.

It's a disservice to victims to shove me or anyone who lived that into the same category & dilutes the entire concept. Who's really a victim if everyone is a victim? It also insults women since it declares all of us helpless fragile flowers who can't live in the adult world.

I think there should be mandatory assertiveness training for women starting in junior high school if not sooner. I can't stand the "I'm too weak to defend myself" garbage. If you're that helpless, why are you in a major city, hanging out in bars or venues with drunk people, living away from your parents, raising children or doing any type of adult task? Fix that shit!!! Take a self-defense class (many places offer free sessions for women). Get a licensed gun and learn how to use it properly. Get some pepper spray. Be aware of your surroundings. Don't hang around scumbags. Act like an adult, not a child. Parent your damn children & stop worrying about if they like you or not.

There's a reason bars and clubs have security guards. There's a reason you have to be 21 to drink legally. Women are told to travel with friends, not leave their drinks unattended and everyone is told not to get blackout drunk or trashed with people they don't know. Why is society coddling people who play stupid games and complain when they win stupid prizes? Where's the demand for personal accountability and responsibility for yourself?

Susan Smith's legal team tried to excuse her killing her kids by talking about her childhood. The jury didn't fall for it then but I'll bet if that case were tried today some idiots would excuse her behavior just like some are trying to excuse Asia Argento. I ask "If rape victims are so likely to molest others, then why aren't we sequestering all of these victims & treating them like any sex offender so they can't have any opportunity to rape someone else? Why aren't they registered on a list or banned from certain jobs & neighborhoods?"

This narrative of "helpless woman" also does the exact opposite of empowering them. It encourages a societal scheme that says "women can't drink or go to bars or clubs," "women can't be around men AT ALL without a male relative present," etc. What does that sound like? If you said "Sharia law" you'd be right. Third wave feminists appear to be too stupid to see it. No one has debated me to the contrary on this. Make women seem impossible to deal with and incapable of advocating for themselves or protecting themselves and we'll end up with laws like that "for our own good." I personally find that offensive & distasteful since I'm not some helpless fragile flower nor do I need such coddling. I like to hope most women feel the same way & despise the third wave feminist logic as well.

The Surreal Adventures of The Angry Redheaded Lawyer "Anna Christie," a play by Eugene O'Neill

Eugene O'Neill's story, “Anna Christie” (directed by Peter Richards) is the tale of a young woman who returns to the town where her father lives to get away from some unpleasantness in her past and accompanies him on his barge where she finds love and has to grapple with her role as a woman of her time along with the expectations of both her father and her love. Can you say “relevant?” How many women are still judged for the things Anna finds herself being denigrated for and forced to survive in a world where a man certainly won't take care of them nor look out for their best interests?

Photo by Maria Baranova - Glenna Freedman PR

I absolutely love this venue. The Wild Project is set up in a space with raised seating as you go up in the rows and is a more traditional venue in the midst of apartment buildings in the East Village, an area where you'd be more likely to see something underground and more hipster like. The raised seating is awesome for being able to see a show without having to contort around someone who's taller or has a fatter head. I also appreciate the reserved seating in a portion of the auditorium where I didn't feel like I was being put on the spot or going to be harassed by anyone when I was simply there to write this review.

Photo by Maria Baranova - Glenna Freedman PR

That being said, the acting in this show was without a doubt superb. I also liked the realistic atmosphere with the fog and cigarette smoking of the early scenes between Anna Christopherson (Therese Plaehn) and Marthy Ownen (Tina Johnson), a lady friend of Anna's father Chris Christopherson (Stephen D'Ambrose). You can definitely see the love Chris has for his daughter though he's absolutely aghast at the horrors Anna has endured by living on the farm and eventually turning to prostitution despite his trying to make life better for her than growing up on the high seas with him.

Photo by Maria Baranova - Glenna Freedman PR

The end of Anna's story should give womankind some hope. Her prospective fiance, a rescued sailor named Mat Burke (Ben Chase) does eventually accept her for doing what she must to survive, believes that she loves him and that she isn't going to return to her past dealings as a prostitute. I did wonder there since oftentimes in real life, even in today's time, the suitor of a woman who'd been raped by a relative who eventually turns to prostitution in order to survive on her own instead of having to remain in the prison created by her rapist would likely prove to be a liar in claiming to love her.

Photo by Maria Baranova - Glenna Freedman PR

Of course, one can't forget about the dedicated and sage Johnny-The Priest (Scott Aiello) who keeps our lead characters comfortably satiated with their drinks and listens when they speak. He was definitely accurate as a bartender to where I hope the actors weren't given real alcohol while performing.

Photo by Maria Baranova - Glenna Freedman PR

This show is definitely worth seeing and if you aren't the type who is sensitive to herbal cigarette smell or water based fog, you will definitely see parallels to your own life if you are a parent, a person who's had to fight for acceptance in life or have had to deal with an older relative who didn't approve of your relationship with his or her offspring/niece or nephew/grandkid/etc. Universal and timeless stories are a hit with me and this show was no exception.

Photo by Maria Baranova - Glenna Freedman PR

Life Update & Rant All in One

Remember that day job I was talking about before? Well, this time it looks like I have a legit offer where I will get paid to do something. I'm not the sort of person who likes to sit around doing nothing; that just drives me insane. I start on Monday & I dread having to find parking in our neighborhood in the evenings after working but at least I'll be getting that steady income, learning something useful & even getting to work as an attorney. We're also assured to get to stay in NYC regardless of what happens to the library's budget.

Not sure how often I'll be updating but I think in 2 weeks, I should be okay & able to adjust to it all. I also got another possible opportunity in the works & have creative projects to work on but that's a different story that will be explained much later.

Now, I have a major rant that I realized I haven't done. There's a media portrayal of women I absolutely have a fucking pet peeve toward: women who put up with total BS from some popular or handsome guy while being nice to the nerd. I saw the new MTV show The Hard Times of R.J. Berger & the character of Jenny is completely sexist to women. How come?

See the second episode, where R.J. runs for student council president. Jenny's going to her boyfriend, the current president & asking for money for the Drama Club. He says to her "You know I love you & would do anything for you. Request denied." Not to mention this guy is being a douche bag at every turn & not just to the lead character, "the nerd" of the show.

I'd have NEVER taken that shit in high school. Come to think of it, even when I had to put up with it from smart kids due to being in classes with them I don't think I would have been motivated to put up with it from a guy. Especially one that went around making sexually inappropriate comments about me to all his friends, jock or not. If it were me & most other women, I'd simply call out the guy in front of everyone.

I've not met a single woman who's that big of a moron & would let any man she was dating insult her right to her face. If I had, you better believe I'd tell that woman to wake up & get a clue. Stop making the rest of us look like brain-dead little flunkies who should have mattresses strapped to our backs & Welcome written on our foreheads b/c we think that little of ourselves.

You know who is a good portrayal of a woman? Julia Sugarbaker on Designing Women. She was classy & didn't take other people's crap but also had looks. Beauty & brains! Some women do have that, all right?

It's downright insulting & sexist to see Hollywood holding up women who act like that. I feel one of my missions as someone doing creative work & doing what I'm doing is to feature real women, strong women. Women who don't let men push them around or put having any man ahead of their children, careers, friendships or well-being. I don't consider women like that worth my time or my friendship.

I also say this as a woman who was in a sorority. There were lots of strong women in my chapter who'd never have put up with such things & would tell a sister if she wasn't standing up for herself or allowed some guy to push her around. In mine, there were lots of times when I felt like our sisterhood was all that we had so you can bet it was quite solid for the most part.

My God, don't even get me started on how sororities are treated in the media! I feel my own experience was quite helpful to me in life & probably a reason why I've gotten to do some of the things I have at such an early stage in my career & at a younger age than many people. I'm also glad antisocial me stuck with it when I felt like giving up since the idea of being in a sorority kind of violates some personal truths.

Nonetheless, I stand by my hatred of ignorant weakling women who refuse to stand up for themselves in the face of insults and assholes writing roles that reinforce that stereotype about women. I want to kick some of those people in the balls very hard since I'm pretty sure most women don't have that kind of self-loathing for their gender.