Monday, December 6, 2010

Doug Funnie is Crazy and Other Realizations

While looking for some images of Judy Funnie, I stumbled across this blog.  I'm seriously thinking of following it b/c not only is it hilarious but when you think about it, these logic fails are quite accurate.  That show did make me want to rip my hair out sometimes w/some of those logic fails. My husband describes Doug as emo & he hates people who are emo.

For those who are clueless, Judy Funnie:

I think I could pull off that look if I somehow figure out what to do with my hair.  Recently, I found it was getting pretty close to my waist.  When I was little I wanted my hair to be waist length like my best friend's but it never happened.

So, going back to earlier discussed topics I found this charming story a few days ago.  If I were Josh Duhamel, I'd have been more pissed about the TSA body scans or the enhanced pat down of my junk than at having to turn off my Blackberry.  He's lucky none of those delayed passengers formed a posse and beat his ass; do that if I have to travel & you won't get to the "taunting" me stage.  I'll just take your Blackberry & smash it into pieces or drop it into a toilet.  Whatever's handy at the time. 

Life lesson: never, EVER mess with a natural redhead.  Least of all, a natural redhead who's an attorney + has rage issues.  Actually, all natural redheads have rage issues so be mindful of that.

Oh, and this just horrifies me on many levels.  I actually agree w/Sarah Palin on this one, if you can believe it.

First off, if you want to deal with obesity issues how about improving the school food?  Didn't anyone see the film Supersize Me?  Remember when Morgan Spurlock went to the school for troubled kids where they had healthy cuisine at the same prices & the kids actually focused in classes?  Did any other schools actually do that or is this just some more nonsense to detract from the government corruption that continues to exist?

Second, how about more physical activity?  Better and more gym classes would certainly tackle the obesity issue, right?  Kids would be motivated to participate if they weren't tormented for being bad at some sport or had playgrounds to use at recess.  How about a daily recess like I had as a kid where you didn't have to do class sports activities?

A regulation like this is just a distraction from real solutions and an attempt to make things harder on the organizations trying to raise money.  What's next? Barring Girl Scout cookies from being sold on the premises?  An actual food police? 

What about the skinny people?  I was also skinny as a child & a no-fat diet would have caused me to lose weight, meaning forced confinement in an eating disorder clinic b/c everyone would claim I was anorexic.  Some of us do have that gene naturally; helps if you want to work in entertainment, doesn't it?

So, speaking of the police The Consumerist has some wild stories about ordinary people being confronted by the police or having to use the police to safeguard against the retail Gestapo.

A few words about these stories:

First off, why is any police officer working to enforce nonsensical store policies that are not legally enforceable under the law?  What cop is dumb enough to do Best Buy's bidding by following some shopper out into the parking lot and threatening arrest for not showing the non-existent door checker his receipt?  Do you not have any real criminals to catch?  There aren't ANY murders, robbers, child molesters, deadbeat parents, illegal aliens or even errant speeders to investigate in your entire town?  Why are we playing Best Buy's rent-a-cop & why wouldn't an officer of the law be insulted about doing such a shady task?  You can bet these company executives don't respect them or the law.

This was a sheriff's deputy, for God's sake.  I know sheriff's deputies have better things to do than this.

Had you done this to me, I would have asked you to escort me into the Best Buy so I could instantly return the items & not maim anyone in the process since I'd be sorely tempted to do it if you weren't present.  I figure if I end up in certain life situations, it will be best for all involved if a cop is around to escort me so I don't murder people with my bare hands.  This goes back to what I said before about not messing w/natural redheads.

Second, no one being around me would motivate me to not stand up for my rights.  I'd tell my spouse to go get bail money b/c I'd just tell the officer point blank to go right ahead and arrest me since I'm not ceding to some corporation's false authority over my person, property or rights.

Third, why is it that only men seem to be involved in these stories?  You never hear about these things happening to women.  You certainly don't hear about this happening to attorneys. 

I'd love to see the look on some of these people's faces if they ever dared to try that w/me & I pointed out my being an attorney in my home state + started quoting the correct law at them. 

I happen to know the law when it comes to false imprisonment, paying tips (not required in NY state), assault and battery considering I have a law degree.  Love when non-attorneys try to fancy themselves as constitutional law experts, especially when it's simpletons who use that logic to try to encourage their fellow citizens to behave like sheep, let the cop perform an illegal strip search and not object to the demands to perform sexual favors.  Don't fall for it.

Better yet, let's make those "citizens" leave the US and trade them for illegals from elsewhere who are acting more like proper American citizens (knowing English, not breaking any laws, performing honest work, etc.).

One time being from the South helps: I can be matter of fact but very polite about it.  I do dare any Wal-Mart employee to try a thing with me.  I've heard numerous stories about things & you bet I'd say "armed robbery" plus inform any police officers that I wanted to prosecute to the fullest extent of the law.

I once had a hassle over trying to return pantyhose in my local Wal-Mart as a law student.  This guy tried to argue w/me about opening a package when I had to try them on to assess whether they fit me or not.  I went Angry White Girl & guess what?  Got my return taken care of.  Having worked in retail, I know for a fact that being a squeaky wheel will usually get you the desired results.  I simply don't employ that tactic unless someone is just being stupid or trying to be unfair to me; that doesn't fly with me.

So if you as a non-lawyer get in such situations?  Know a good attorney & make a big stink. 

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