Sometimes, I think I suffer from being too competent. People have far too much faith in my abilities to come out on top or think that I never need any kind of help on anything that I'm sure eventually, it's just going to lead to the mental breakdown to end all mental breakdowns if things fall apart.
It's almost a backhanded compliment in a way: gee, thanks for your faith in me. I'll still be sitting in this shit condition, though. Unless you're actually HELPING in some way, you haven't provided me any reassurance. It's like telling me I have nice shoes & not offering me a Band Aid or a place to sit when I tell you those shoes are killing my feet & I ask for help.
One thought I've had that maybe some of you can relate to: I want a day job that doesn't require excessive stress, lots of after hours work & lets me leave it there. I noticed while I was in law school that those jobs tend to be in the lower ranks & you have to deal with a different set of problems. Upside, though is low expectations. No one expects you to be perfect or super-competent.
In my business or with people I know aren't going to take advantage, it's another story. I can be ambitious there & have it pay off. No one's going to toss me aside like garbage or just let me drift along to become society's major problem. I say I'd be society's problem b/c I come from a family of fighters; I won't be going down without taking some others with me. I'd also be forming an army to deal with the utter BS I see around me.
At this point, I've completely checked out on the idea of getting a paying day job. I think I'm only looking at Craig's List to find funny ads or stupidity I can call out on this blog. After all, seems I'm getting a bit of a following even in fun & exotic locals I've never been to. I already have prospects w/people who aren't going to treat me like trash & know how I operate. I don't have to play games with them or have things like competence or being myself operate against me.
I've given it the old Girl Scout try & have far more going for me than plenty of other people. As long as you don't delay the inevitable or let the system take you down without a fight, there's no reason to let those bastards win.
I ought to work on my writing anyway. I also need to figure out how to create samples of myself singing & do YouTube videos of rants at the suggestion of the same person who said I should have this blog. First thing is a mic, a laptop & learning how to do videos.