I had the misfortune to read this today.
Since I used to live there many years ago & still have family living there (including my soon to be 1 year old niece), I definitely have some opinions on the matter. For those who aren't familiar with North Carolina, I think some background is necessary.
First off, there are liberals in North Carolina. You could credibly say NC is not really "the South" & not just because of this. It's also because Southern hospitality and some of the conventions associated with Southernism aren't part of NC. Some of them definitely weren't part of my upbringing or experience living or going to school there. If Southern hospitality existed, I wouldn't have gotten the hell I did growing up.
Second, there are people with functioning brains in North Carolina. Save for that Virginia Foxx airhead, you don't see a consistent mob of old white men trying to slam down on women's rights like you do in Texas or Arizona. There are people in North Carolina who aren't racist or ignorant cretins.
Third, not everyone in North Carolina is a God bothering fundamentalist Christian. There are plenty of people who aren't Southern Baptists or even follow the Baptist faith.
I actually know someone who is in public office in my hometown. I don't know his reaction to this but I would hope that he would not be in favor of telling me & every other grown woman what to do with her uterus or making family planning decisions for us. No right minded person is in favor of such things. I really wish the people who were would be tried for treason & removed from public office for violating the basic duties of such. It also makes me think my cats could be better politicians than such asswipes. Even they wouldn't have the gall to create legislation that would have the effect of outlawing abortion & you know cats feel superior to humans. Remember, most cats don't like little babies invading their spaces & taking attention away from them. That whole "cute" competition & all.
If this legislation passes, then trying to send me back to NC or suggesting I go live there again would be in effect imposing a death sentence on me. Remember, I had a tubal so if I got pregnant that pregnancy wouldn't be viable. I guarantee those shitheads would make certain that there was no exception for life of the mother considering they're trying to force rape victims to carry a rapist's child & also give the rapist parental rights once that baby is born in many of these states.
I hope my brother in law gets that vasectomy soon, especially if this garbage passes. I'm sure he'll still get editorialization and whining from providers even with having 3 kids already. Considering that experience with my sister's friend, I don't put it past any doctor down there to ask "What if you want another baby?" even if you've got 6 at home. Nice questions from people who will never take any financial responsibility for those choices.
Recently, I realized that this December will mark 10 years since I escaped from the South. Yes, it WAS an "escape." I got to leave since I got accepted to law school in Connecticut; if I hadn't, I'd have been stuck there at least a few more months & have far less certainty in getting to stay once I moved away since I wouldn't have a law degree to back me up.
I also felt like I was in prison everyday I lived in the South. Atlanta was a little better since it was a major city and I didn't have to hang out with people I knew in middle school (who almost all went to my high school) but there was still that whole Southern thing I didn't like (mostly the racism). In Atlanta, at least, it wasn't the norm to be a single mother living with your parents or married & living in a trailer park with no college education in your early 20s. Not the life I wanted or aspired to; some of us are different & have different ambitions in life. North Carolina was not a place where I felt my ambitions and goals were the norm, at least not in circles I had access to.
Who doesn't feel this recent push on outlawing abortion is an attempt to shove Christian mores down our collective throats? I see it for what it is. Oh, and you are NOT "pro-life" when you think it's a-okay for people with no money, maturity or basic brain functioning to breed. You are a fascist asshole. You are a closet rapist since you think babies are a punishment for having sex. You are a sexist who thinks all women are good for is breeding & raising children, even if some woman hates her kids and resents the entire enterprise. In short, you're a dumbass. Just admit it & stop wasting time coloring this as any more than what it is.
When will these fossils die & burn in Hell, I wonder? That's where those types are certainly going considering they run around judging others & desperately need to get lives. Not to mention some of these legislators have plenty of skeletons in their closets, as plenty of Internet commenters will point out.
Not to mention NC has enough problems with the recent cut to unemployment benefits to not be dealing with this crap. Wake up, morons! The 1950s have long since passed. We live in the age of online porn, gay marriage and sexting. Join us or go to the Middle East where they live in the Dark Ages. I'm sure they'll welcome your attitude there along with your fundamentalist Christianity.
I think I'll have to have a celebration to commemorate 10 years out of the South. Or maybe we should rename some states & regions to the American Middle East.
Showing posts with label Southern hospitality. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Southern hospitality. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Thursday, February 28, 2013
The "Honey/Sweetie" Debate
I read this Dear Prudence chat on Monday. One of the letters is about a woman who's peeved since her husband, who hails from the South, calls longtime friends, co-workers, other men's wives & waitresses "sweetheart" or "sweetie." Too many people commenting on there apparently consider calling them such things in the workplace (outside of retail or the food service industry) tantamount to lighting dog poop on fire or shoving a thousand TPS reports in someone's face.
Looks like some people need a serious education. First off, the South. In the South, it is a term of politeness & kindness to use "sweetie," "honey," and the like. Oftentimes, it's gender neutral but sometimes it's directly applied to women. This is part of what is known as "Southern hospitality" and "being a polite Southern gentleman."
People live in many different places. Southerners move to the North and Northerners move to the South. Culture clashes are inevitable.
Second, the entertainment industry. The entertainment industry is more informal. All sorts of names fly in my business. I've heard "babe," "honey," "sweetheart," "girl," "dear," and probably more I can't think of right now. Personal space is very different; you'd better like being hugged, especially if you're a woman, or you're going to be looked at funny if you go to an industry event, mingle and then get belligerent if someone hugs you to say "hello." Usually that's with people you already met but sometimes that happens with people you're meeting for the first time. Some people are huggers; my family wasn't shy about such things so it's never been an issue with me. Nor did I read nefarious intent into such things.
Before I say what I'm going to say, let me make clear that I don't condone acting like Dabney Coleman's character in Nine to Five in such an address. There is a context issue involved here. These people DO understand tone of voice, situational context, and so forth, right?
Seeing that letter just triggered a response & here it is: lighten up!!!
Do me a serious favor; if you are the sort of person who gets into a faux feminist outrage because someone referred to you as "sweetheart" in the workplace, stay the hell out of the entertainment industry. You will spend all of your time being offended and never get anything done. In fact, you're probably going to be viewed as a PC obsessed maniac everyone has to walk on tip-toes around. Entertainment people have too much stress and too many things to do to worry about not offending some PC obsessed maniac who's going to correct everyone's language, use the word "ableist" (a term I absolutely hate & think the creator should be punished for creating), and be a real life stick in the mud with zero sense of humor just looking for something to be offended over.
The entertainment business is not for sticks in the mud who have no sense of humor. None of us want to be around that; I sure don't, anyway. Especially people who just look for things to be offended over instead of actually improving themselves.
When reading all these responses to that letter, I agreed with one person who said that if it offends you YOU need to say "Please call me [your preferred term of address]." Acting like "sweetie/honey/dear" is the equivalent of "bitch" is not going to win you points at work. Crying about it & not speaking to the offender directly sure doesn't impress me or make me have sympathy for you.
Perhaps my opinion is a function of working in my industry. It probably is. I'm much harder to offend. I've been called "dear" but that pisses my husband off more than me. If you're not referring to me by a racial slur or as "Red," (it's a pejorative term to natural redheads, thank you; "Ginger" will be fine since then I'll figure you're referencing the Gilligan's Island character & I'll take it as a compliment--I'd have been fine with that over "carrot top" & "red") we aren't going to have problems. I'm the sort of person who prefers "Paleface" to "White: Non-Hispanic." Generally, I mark "Other/Prefer Not to Respond" when asked about race.
Tone is also a concern. Offend me with your tone & you'll have to call me "Counselor" or use the "Esquire" after my last name.
We also refer to people in the South as Mr./Ms. [their first name]. This usually comes with women like Miss Jessica or Ms. Maggie. The women aren't always older or school teachers; my sorority sisters & I even referred to each other as Miss [woman's first name] sometimes.
My feelings can be summed up by the words of one commenter: this person said righteous indignation should be saved for serious issues, not trifling mess like this.
If you ask me, making a big production because your boss called you "sweetie" at work when he does that to everyone undermines the progress of women & their credibility at work. You make all women look unhinged and you make it into a far bigger issue than it should be. If it offends you, deal with the offender right away. Keep correcting the person & if they do it in a nasty tone, don't take it.
But...if there's no malice, lewdness or sanctimony behind it, you make it impossible for women to get ahead. You get us labeled as oversensitive crybabies who can't handle pressure or responsibility. I don't need the overly sensitive PC crybabies coloring other people's perceptions of me. You make life more complicated than it has to be and it can ruin the functionality of business.
Imagine a film set where one of these types is working. Would you want your film crew or your director censoring themselves over a 12+ hour day to guard the fragile sensibilities of this sort of special snowflake?
Oh, and for the people who say "You don't live in the South NOW; adapt to us!" would you mind telling that to all the foreign language speakers who refuse to learn English? I know the average NYC liberal wouldn't get that connection but maybe you shouldn't be telling Southerners to change their mannerisms if you aren't telling illegals to learn English or get out of this country. Same difference.
If you can't handle your own issues, don't expect the world to kowtow to you. You're an idiot if you think that's going to happen in this lifetime. Either deal with them or shut up & please leave the PC obsessiveness at home.
Personally, I like "sweetie darling" from Absolutely Fabulous. At one point, my mother was calling us "sweetie darling." I feel like it's gender neutral & the context of it was funny in the show. Edina asks her daughter when it started & Saffon says "It started because you couldn't remember my name for the first 2 years."
Looks like some people need a serious education. First off, the South. In the South, it is a term of politeness & kindness to use "sweetie," "honey," and the like. Oftentimes, it's gender neutral but sometimes it's directly applied to women. This is part of what is known as "Southern hospitality" and "being a polite Southern gentleman."
People live in many different places. Southerners move to the North and Northerners move to the South. Culture clashes are inevitable.
Second, the entertainment industry. The entertainment industry is more informal. All sorts of names fly in my business. I've heard "babe," "honey," "sweetheart," "girl," "dear," and probably more I can't think of right now. Personal space is very different; you'd better like being hugged, especially if you're a woman, or you're going to be looked at funny if you go to an industry event, mingle and then get belligerent if someone hugs you to say "hello." Usually that's with people you already met but sometimes that happens with people you're meeting for the first time. Some people are huggers; my family wasn't shy about such things so it's never been an issue with me. Nor did I read nefarious intent into such things.
Before I say what I'm going to say, let me make clear that I don't condone acting like Dabney Coleman's character in Nine to Five in such an address. There is a context issue involved here. These people DO understand tone of voice, situational context, and so forth, right?
Seeing that letter just triggered a response & here it is: lighten up!!!
Do me a serious favor; if you are the sort of person who gets into a faux feminist outrage because someone referred to you as "sweetheart" in the workplace, stay the hell out of the entertainment industry. You will spend all of your time being offended and never get anything done. In fact, you're probably going to be viewed as a PC obsessed maniac everyone has to walk on tip-toes around. Entertainment people have too much stress and too many things to do to worry about not offending some PC obsessed maniac who's going to correct everyone's language, use the word "ableist" (a term I absolutely hate & think the creator should be punished for creating), and be a real life stick in the mud with zero sense of humor just looking for something to be offended over.
The entertainment business is not for sticks in the mud who have no sense of humor. None of us want to be around that; I sure don't, anyway. Especially people who just look for things to be offended over instead of actually improving themselves.
When reading all these responses to that letter, I agreed with one person who said that if it offends you YOU need to say "Please call me [your preferred term of address]." Acting like "sweetie/honey/dear" is the equivalent of "bitch" is not going to win you points at work. Crying about it & not speaking to the offender directly sure doesn't impress me or make me have sympathy for you.
Perhaps my opinion is a function of working in my industry. It probably is. I'm much harder to offend. I've been called "dear" but that pisses my husband off more than me. If you're not referring to me by a racial slur or as "Red," (it's a pejorative term to natural redheads, thank you; "Ginger" will be fine since then I'll figure you're referencing the Gilligan's Island character & I'll take it as a compliment--I'd have been fine with that over "carrot top" & "red") we aren't going to have problems. I'm the sort of person who prefers "Paleface" to "White: Non-Hispanic." Generally, I mark "Other/Prefer Not to Respond" when asked about race.
Tone is also a concern. Offend me with your tone & you'll have to call me "Counselor" or use the "Esquire" after my last name.
We also refer to people in the South as Mr./Ms. [their first name]. This usually comes with women like Miss Jessica or Ms. Maggie. The women aren't always older or school teachers; my sorority sisters & I even referred to each other as Miss [woman's first name] sometimes.
My feelings can be summed up by the words of one commenter: this person said righteous indignation should be saved for serious issues, not trifling mess like this.
If you ask me, making a big production because your boss called you "sweetie" at work when he does that to everyone undermines the progress of women & their credibility at work. You make all women look unhinged and you make it into a far bigger issue than it should be. If it offends you, deal with the offender right away. Keep correcting the person & if they do it in a nasty tone, don't take it.
But...if there's no malice, lewdness or sanctimony behind it, you make it impossible for women to get ahead. You get us labeled as oversensitive crybabies who can't handle pressure or responsibility. I don't need the overly sensitive PC crybabies coloring other people's perceptions of me. You make life more complicated than it has to be and it can ruin the functionality of business.
Imagine a film set where one of these types is working. Would you want your film crew or your director censoring themselves over a 12+ hour day to guard the fragile sensibilities of this sort of special snowflake?
Oh, and for the people who say "You don't live in the South NOW; adapt to us!" would you mind telling that to all the foreign language speakers who refuse to learn English? I know the average NYC liberal wouldn't get that connection but maybe you shouldn't be telling Southerners to change their mannerisms if you aren't telling illegals to learn English or get out of this country. Same difference.
If you can't handle your own issues, don't expect the world to kowtow to you. You're an idiot if you think that's going to happen in this lifetime. Either deal with them or shut up & please leave the PC obsessiveness at home.
Personally, I like "sweetie darling" from Absolutely Fabulous. At one point, my mother was calling us "sweetie darling." I feel like it's gender neutral & the context of it was funny in the show. Edina asks her daughter when it started & Saffon says "It started because you couldn't remember my name for the first 2 years."
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
General Musings Part 15
Wow, I've made it to 15 of these. I still have even more rants in me so hang around for more of them.
Today's highlights: Learned the verdict of the desktop PC & it wasn't nearly as pricey as we thought it might be. Legs are a little sore from my first Intro to American Jiu Jitsu class (yes, taking more self defense training since I have been harassed before though thankfully not put in a dire enough situation to get serious psychological scarring).
A tip: don't start problems with people who have unresolved rage issues. I don't care if you weight 5 times as much. Believe it or not, I'm a surprisingly peaceful person & more of a reactionary than an aggressor. I react to situations; I don't start trouble.
So since more links are piling up, on with the musings.
A big thank you to Jesse Ventura for this. I read comments on a law school scam blog where the author thought it was ridiculous to sue over this kind of thing. Seems you can tell who's become a defeated person based on these responses. I also suggested to the blog author that if she indeed has what she claims are "fabulous ta-tas," she could parlay that into a job at a local strip club or even work as a web cam girl & make enough money to pay off her law school loans. For that matter, she could use such a job to find a political figure or some other high profile rich person to extort so the loans get paid off and/or she gets the finer things in life.
If she has no problem with the scanners, I see no reason why she shouldn't just do one of those jobs. You know these images will get misplaced & eventually get posted online. Look at how many shady things the government has done & the leaks.
Me, I'd rather my private parts STAY that way, especially from TSA officials. I don't care what label you want to put on it; it's still a violation of basic civil rights. So if Jesse Ventura is being forced to go through this as well & has had enough, who can blame him for suing??? Not me.
I have a comment about this story. New Yorkers, in my experience, are not the rudest people. Atlanta is much worse. "Southern hospitality" is not present if you're taking MARTA. I had this scumbag (in manner & appearance) stand in front of one of the turnstiles at my local station & claimed the other one was messed up, despite their being no sign on it.
I went into the second one. My thoughts were "Do you think I'm stupid, asshole?" One surefire way to make me hate your guts is to insult my intelligence. Didn't like another scumbag trying to harass me & my husband at Port Authority either. We walked off from this nosy man who thought we going to tell him where we were going.
One of the first rules of city living is NOT telling strangers where you're going. You can also get vibes from people & when I get bad vibes, I move away.
On more events in NYC, there's this planned change to the dress code of cab drivers. Nice to leave so much ambiguity, guys. Someone might define "professional appearance" as wearing a bikini. And let's not get into standards of neatness or cleanliness. I'm sure there'll be lawsuits sometime.
I'm happy to hear about this. Not that I own a gun but I do believe in the 2nd Amendment & that restricting all the guns only makes it easier for criminals to find victims. I see no harm in having ammo to protect yourself if someone tries to hurt you or your loved ones. Granted, if I had my way, spring gun traps would be legal but that's because I don't have sympathy for blatant criminals & think a little personal accountability never hurt anyone.
Oh, and this is total crap. I wanted to have a cat who'd sleep with me at night on the bed & never had one until I met my current kitty, who adamantly will not move. He lives inside, doesn't hang around other animals & is probably cleaner than me and my husband. I don't kiss the cat on the mouth or share food with him because that's just gross but he can lick my arm or my hand. What about the psychological and calming effects of pets??? These researchers must have ignored that.
Finally, you should apparently go to Twitter to rant about companies. See, going on the Internet can be helpful to weed out self-serving BS and get to the truth of bad situations. Can't reach a CEO? Just go to Twitter! Isn't technology grand?
I just wish our Belkin wireless router would have a decent Internet connection instead of claiming not to be able to load Google or Facebook. Their tech support has not been nearly so helpful and I think it's generally a good policy to avoid buying your computer products at Best Buy unless you know a particular brand VERY well & can get it at a good price. It's too late to return the thing & we only got to try it out once before the return period for Best Buy ended due to our PC's problems w/the Ethernet card.
Finding a good computer repair shop is the ultimate challenge but thankfully, I did find that in NYC.
Today's highlights: Learned the verdict of the desktop PC & it wasn't nearly as pricey as we thought it might be. Legs are a little sore from my first Intro to American Jiu Jitsu class (yes, taking more self defense training since I have been harassed before though thankfully not put in a dire enough situation to get serious psychological scarring).
A tip: don't start problems with people who have unresolved rage issues. I don't care if you weight 5 times as much. Believe it or not, I'm a surprisingly peaceful person & more of a reactionary than an aggressor. I react to situations; I don't start trouble.
So since more links are piling up, on with the musings.
A big thank you to Jesse Ventura for this. I read comments on a law school scam blog where the author thought it was ridiculous to sue over this kind of thing. Seems you can tell who's become a defeated person based on these responses. I also suggested to the blog author that if she indeed has what she claims are "fabulous ta-tas," she could parlay that into a job at a local strip club or even work as a web cam girl & make enough money to pay off her law school loans. For that matter, she could use such a job to find a political figure or some other high profile rich person to extort so the loans get paid off and/or she gets the finer things in life.
If she has no problem with the scanners, I see no reason why she shouldn't just do one of those jobs. You know these images will get misplaced & eventually get posted online. Look at how many shady things the government has done & the leaks.
Me, I'd rather my private parts STAY that way, especially from TSA officials. I don't care what label you want to put on it; it's still a violation of basic civil rights. So if Jesse Ventura is being forced to go through this as well & has had enough, who can blame him for suing??? Not me.
I have a comment about this story. New Yorkers, in my experience, are not the rudest people. Atlanta is much worse. "Southern hospitality" is not present if you're taking MARTA. I had this scumbag (in manner & appearance) stand in front of one of the turnstiles at my local station & claimed the other one was messed up, despite their being no sign on it.
I went into the second one. My thoughts were "Do you think I'm stupid, asshole?" One surefire way to make me hate your guts is to insult my intelligence. Didn't like another scumbag trying to harass me & my husband at Port Authority either. We walked off from this nosy man who thought we going to tell him where we were going.
One of the first rules of city living is NOT telling strangers where you're going. You can also get vibes from people & when I get bad vibes, I move away.
On more events in NYC, there's this planned change to the dress code of cab drivers. Nice to leave so much ambiguity, guys. Someone might define "professional appearance" as wearing a bikini. And let's not get into standards of neatness or cleanliness. I'm sure there'll be lawsuits sometime.
I'm happy to hear about this. Not that I own a gun but I do believe in the 2nd Amendment & that restricting all the guns only makes it easier for criminals to find victims. I see no harm in having ammo to protect yourself if someone tries to hurt you or your loved ones. Granted, if I had my way, spring gun traps would be legal but that's because I don't have sympathy for blatant criminals & think a little personal accountability never hurt anyone.
Oh, and this is total crap. I wanted to have a cat who'd sleep with me at night on the bed & never had one until I met my current kitty, who adamantly will not move. He lives inside, doesn't hang around other animals & is probably cleaner than me and my husband. I don't kiss the cat on the mouth or share food with him because that's just gross but he can lick my arm or my hand. What about the psychological and calming effects of pets??? These researchers must have ignored that.
Finally, you should apparently go to Twitter to rant about companies. See, going on the Internet can be helpful to weed out self-serving BS and get to the truth of bad situations. Can't reach a CEO? Just go to Twitter! Isn't technology grand?
I just wish our Belkin wireless router would have a decent Internet connection instead of claiming not to be able to load Google or Facebook. Their tech support has not been nearly so helpful and I think it's generally a good policy to avoid buying your computer products at Best Buy unless you know a particular brand VERY well & can get it at a good price. It's too late to return the thing & we only got to try it out once before the return period for Best Buy ended due to our PC's problems w/the Ethernet card.
Finding a good computer repair shop is the ultimate challenge but thankfully, I did find that in NYC.
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