The Great Decision on Laser Eye Surgery is Now Settled

Despite a lifelong love of carrots, I still managed to inherit the cruddy eyesight from my father's side of the family. Granted I shouldn't complain too much about inheriting things from that side considering my grandmother was allegedly Miss Atlanta GA back in the day (though I can't prove it since I don't know her maiden name or her first name; you might be able to believe it based on my looks or those of my aunt's when she was younger--I apparently look similar to her as a young woman).

I also got the better bra size (in fact, I'm the Dolly Parton of my immediate family even though I'm not a size that caused backaches or childhood awkwardness). And yes, despite not being flat chested or fat as a young woman, I still couldn't buy a date with any guy I had a crush on. I'm pretty sure I could have shown up naked & still gotten laughed at.

One fact about eyesight that you non-intellectual types will be happy to hear: if you have to do a lot of reading for school, your vision degrades. I was a smart kid when I was younger so my vision was probably made worse by my having to study. I knew someone in college who once told us that her vision improved after she graduated and didn't have to study all the time.

Now you may remember reading that I didn't get a driver's license until I was 20. One of the reasons for this was the fact that I was being required to get glasses for driving. I fucking HATE how I look in glasses. Honestly, I feel I can't pull that look off & think I look like my father in drag if I wear them. To this day, you'll almost never see me wearing them in public (sunglasses don't count since they hide the eyes).

My husband says I look good in them but he looks at me with love in his eyes so I feel he's biased (yes, I know I'm lucky to have a man who does look at me in that way instead of seeing me as a crazy, pale psycho covered in freckles). I've yet to get an opinion from someone who works in the entertainment industry & has to evaluate people based on their looks.

Nor have I gotten an opinion from a law school friend who still seems to have eyes for me despite the fact that he doesn't stand a chance against my hubby. He's been rather blunt on women's looks (I've heard him do it) so if he told me I looked good, I'd be forced to take his word for it. You may wonder why this guy is still a friend. It's mostly because he reminds me a lot of my single self & because I don't feel he's using me for anything. He was actually nice to me in law school & didn't seem to have an issue with me not being from some millionaire family. Plus he wasn't a grind & finding people in law school who aren't obsessed with the whole rat race is like trying to find a pearl in a bed of oysters.

In college, I started wearing contacts. My vision had been getting progressively worse until perhaps in more recent years when I got out of law school & didn't have to do so much studying. Until my eye doctor told me I had to take it easy wearing contacts, I would never the glasses I got under my husband's "eh" vision plan (I didn't even have glasses that were the prescription I needed when I was in college). You can only get a check-up every 2 years & they don't cover contacts or the contact lens exam at the eye doctor's office. I'm used to getting yearly check-ups and coverage for contacts. Plus, because I don't like how I look in glasses I don't want to spend a bunch of money on them.

Maybe if I saw leopard print frames or something, I'd reconsider but having me wear them full time would be an impossible sale. I feel I'd also be living up to some nerd stereotype.

I also hate that my own glasses are leaving a nasty imprint on the side of my nose where they sit on your face. Not like I don't have enough skin issues, right?

Amidst this background, I definitely considered laser eye surgery. I'd heard a lot about LASIK and thought "Hmmm, that might be a good idea. I wouldn't have to keep paying for contacts or wear glasses." However, didn't really know anyone who'd had it and still had success from it years later. I heard about it not being very effective, dangerous side effects from it & the like.

Recently, I saw online deals to get a dramatic discount on LASIK. I saw one from a second provider today (one who I didn't learn had been sued for medical malpractice) & thought long and hard about it. Seeing this site today changed my mind. Seeing that list of reasons not to get it clinched my choice for good.

What good does it do me to get eye surgery when my vision is just going to go to pot in 10 years or so anyway? And if I STILL have to wear glasses afterwards, there's zero point to it. Seems like there's too much risk here & it hasn't been perfected.

While I'm still going to complain about paying for contacts (part of the reason I got a tubal was to avoid constantly paying for birth control pills or dealing with riskier methods), I guess I'll have to deal with it until I get decent vision coverage again. I can get old with grace but I'd rather do it when I actually look old instead of when people are mistaking me for a law student, a college student or even a high school kid. When I was at Monday Night Law last week, multiple people thought I was a student. I've been licensed in NY for 4 years now. It's not enough that I'm 10 years old in law land. Do I have to be 5 now?!

I kind of like that this is a decision I can put to rest. For the record, glasses don't make me look older if you think this vanity is connected to an obsession with looking young. I actually wanted to be older when I was little & if you card me for something 18 & up (absent a policy where everyone's getting carded), I get offended. It's more like "I look as I do, I can't change it & society idealizes it so I may as well embrace it."

Now for some sleep to prepare for that job interview tomorrow. Seems that in the grand tradition of jobs that fell through, the one I got earlier this month is going the same route. What else is it when you do what you're supposed to, no one follows up with you & no one is reachable by phone or e-mail? It's the stuff that makes for great stories & total life frustration.