There's a reason I don't go to my hometown that much & I think I've figured it out. Or at least, the main reason.
The main reason I don't like going there is the fact that I feel like some contestant on Wife Swap, Trading Spouses or some other stupid reality show where they stick someone around people & in an environment completely unlike their own. In fact, no one appears to be capable of any rational thought or listening to anyone's views other than those reinforcing their own way of life until the very end. Sometimes, not even then.
This is pretty much how I feel when I go to NC. I feel like an outsider. You might be thinking, "How are you an outsider in the town you grew up in?" That's easy: I was always an outsider. My own childhood didn't help but New York fits me like a glove while North Carolina felt like a pair of shoes that are 5 sizes too small.
I have a sister who's getting married & asked for my involvement. Giving opinions & all that. The first thing to know about my sister is we're polar opposites. In almost every area you can think of, we take an opposing view or do the opposite of the other one. I'm tall, she's short. She married everyone she dated & first married at 21, I dated long & hard before getting married then married at 25. She has kids, I think some are cute but want to give them back when it's time to do the messy stuff (in other words, I don't care to have any myself). Even the shades of red are different on our hair.
So you can imagine how my opinions are compared to hers: polar opposite & completely disregarded. I've never been a "yes (wo)man" & don't intend to become one at all. The first marriage my sister had, I was never asked about anything & didn't even get any say on the bridesmaid dress I wore. I just showed up, tried it on and went down the aisle. I literally arrived the day before; this is b/c I was in college at the time as well as a sorority member & those things were a high priority to me.
This time, she claims to want everything to be different & is considering picking some colors that will clash horribly on me. I didn't tell what colors to pick but I said I'd need to wear my hair up if certain colors that will make me look terrible are picked & certain styles of gowns are used. A halter would be right near my head & with any part of my hair down in certain colors would look terrible. Having my hair up won't change the clashing but would lessen it vs. hair down. Why don't you just have me wear glasses that day if you want me to look like total crap?
That leads to my rant, which you may find interesting coming from a married woman: in what universe does the bride get to demand all members of her wedding party to be robots??? When does the bride get to micromanage every single detail of the bridal party's look down to the toenail? This is someone who is considering the body types of bridesmaids but won't even consider that her own sister is the only redhead & certain colors she's all of a sudden developed a yen for (that would also clash on HER + she's not even wearing) make the sister look awful.
If a wedding is all about a bride demanding family & friends to wear clothes that make them look crappy while she looks awesome, why not just hire models for that purpose? They can be silent mannequins & you can pick plus sized models for that purpose. Why not gather the ugliest people you can find, in fact? Better yet, it should be called "slave" instead of "maid of honor."
I heard a lot about how thin I am & how everything looks good on me. Well, guess what? I didn't choose to have kids; you did. As far as I'm concerned, that's one of the perks of being childfree. I also don't appreciate people trying to wish pregnancy on me or thinking I'm going to suddenly get fatter in less than a year when I look the same as I did 10 years ago.
I didn't pull this sort of thing when I got married. I wouldn't demand someone to wear a color that would clash on them & I respected that my sister was driving up w/family from 1,000 miles away to show up. I also had some respect for people's time and not boring them w/mundane nonsense out of some duty to "tradition." I'm as non-traditional as it gets. If I renew my vows, I wouldn't have people dress in something they'd hate & be miserable in. I wouldn't tell them that I'm going to control every aspect of their look down to the toenail polish. Oh, and your wedding pictures would stink w/someone in an outfit they hate. You can tell that kind of thing as easily as you can someone who doesn't believe in a role or hates the song they're singing in front of an audience.
So my thought is if you want a particular look, why don't you just hire models instead of forcing people to make public spectacles of themselves by dressing them horribly then guilting them out of so-called duties to "family" and "friendship?" I despise the whole pomp & insanity of weddings as a whole anyway since I think marriage is far more than the one day. It should be done for the right reasons & formal, fancy stuff doesn't make one marriage superior to another. In fact, I'd say I have a pretty damn good marriage & my sister's implication that it's in any way inferior b/c I'm not some slave to tradition or wanted to focus on passing law school + 2 bar exams as opposed to sinking thousands of dollars we didn't have for ONE DAY is downright insulting.
I won't even address the possibility of Psycho Boy being there or the fact that my husband refuses to commit to going. Not to mention that no one seems to give a damn about my living far away (everyone else is local) or my mental sanity. They act like I personally handicapped myself & shouldn't deign to complain about the travel while they never bother to visit me or make any effort.
I feel like I have some imaginary spouse if I'm in NC alone. I think I'm just not going anymore w/out him. At this point, he might even tell me straight out that I can't go w/out him due to the stress involved.
As you may have gathered from reading this, I also prefer being respected to being liked. More people in this town are about being liked. That's not a mentality I get or that you're ever going to get me to agree to. I'm just glad some people in my life are capable of rational thought & think I have a point. Hope some other women are just as sick of this nonsense as me.