The Wedding Saga Part 1

So, you may have noticed I didn't get to update this week. How come?

Well, I was out of town to be a matron of honor in my sister's wedding. Yes, you read right. A Matron of Honor. The second one is a now former childhood friend I've written about in the past. I don't believe in being friends with someone who is no longer the person you knew just because you've been friends for 20 years. To me, if a friendship is no longer enhancing you or making you better as a person it's time to cut ties and move on. Any family that respects you will also do its part by not forcing you to interact with the person or taking their side over yours in conflicts.

More on that in another installment, though. This is part one of the wedding saga. I call it a "saga" since that's what a formal wedding is. This one was no exception.

We drove 12 hours from NYC to NC. I love road trips since you get to know people very well on them.

I now realize that there's no way in Hell I'd ever be able to do a formal wedding unless I hired models to be my attendants. Here's why:

1. Models look great in everything. You don't have to worry about dress styles or colors if you select your models carefully. See last year's post on the great dress dispute for this. No one has to lose weight, wear lifts, etc. Your pics will also look fabulous.

2. You're paying for their time. No worries about resentful friends and family or people flaking out & being forced to tolerate their shit until the big day! Pay anyone enough money & they'll do right by you. Also helps if you aren't a total prick but generally, money will make one far more cooperative.

If there were a business of this, I think actors & actresses might like the side income. I'm not aware of one so enlighten me if there is such a thing in NYC.

3. You can hire as many people you want and keep the number of bridesmaids and groomsmen even. Therefore, those with few friends or whose friends are flakes can even out the ranks if one side has a ton of people and refuses to cut the numbers.

4. The groomsmen will be happy with the eye candy. Those hired women might also find more work as wingwomen or "dates" to get obnoxious family members off some poor guy's back. Consider the film She's Out of My League or in the case of men, Babycakes. Maybe gay people could use those services as well.

5. If you deal with an agency, you can get a replacement if someone gives you lip, refuses to do their share or otherwise is a problem. My sister put up with a lot of shit I would never have stood for. I'd have said "Fuck it, we're eloping!" by the time all was said & done since people generally annoy or piss me off enough to permit it.

Honestly, though I think decent money would motivate people to behave themselves and not get replaced.

So, that being said we go to the first event of this saga: the bachelorette party. This one was actually fun but only myself, the bride & a bridesmaid who was doing the bulk of matron of honor duties along with her mother were present. Grievances concerning the local matron of honor were plentiful & you'll get to read about them soon, I promise.

Anyhow, we went to a venue I'd not been to and it was playing a style of music that is definitely not my thing (country). Yes, I'm from NC but never cared for country. Nor did I ever have a Southern accent. This should provide some clues as to why I don't still live in the South. I wanted so badly to go to this 80's club in Charlotte and am still upset that I didn't get to go. My husband agreed to sign a contract that the next time we are in that area, we're going to that club come Hell or high water. But, I digress.

Despite the music not being my thing, I had a decent time. Even got on the mechanical bull since I'm a theatrical person by nature. A lot of firsts on this trip. The lead singer of the band even came up later & hugged my sister (who was decked out in her bride to be attire). Didn't have to fend off guys either. I usually have to, especially if I'm alone. You won't see me smile much if I'm out alone since I don't like guys even thinking I'm interested when I'm not. Going out where I don't have to be pestered about that is a great thing for me. If I can be seen as a fun person to talk to without the element of sex while I can still dress as great as I want, I'm a happy camper.

Another thing I think would be truly interesting: a wedding soundtrack of Prince songs (up to mid-90s or so). A lot of songs from Purple Rain would be the least appropriate wedding songs on Earth but you could put in "The Most Beautiful Girl in the World" for the bride coming down the aisle.

I'm not enough of a Prince fan to do it myself but I'd want to go to that wedding since I love a couple that doesn't take itself too seriously + shares my appreciation for the non-traditional. Bonus points if they use "Darling Nikki" or "Sex Shooter" by Apollonia 6, two totally unchaste songs. I'd be all for it, especially if I had to wear high heels. In case you can't tell, I did see Purple Rain not long before leaving for this wedding.

My dress had a very long hem so I had 4 inch silver heels. Really nice, though along with my super cute updo. I walked with confidence and awesomeness despite all the bullshit I had to deal with beforehand, including attempted copying of my hair by the other matron of honor.

I'm going to wear that style for future events when I have $ and know of a good hair place that will earn their rate for doing it. Me not having my hair down is truly unusual. I even took pics of it as a souvenir since who knows when it will happen again & I certainly can't do it myself.

Pics on some of this will be forthcoming, though none of the wedding since that's a personal thing. Fight totals will be posted in the second installment since it was shockingly shorter than I thought it would be.