So, the specter of something being up with my friend has really gone up. Yesterday was my birthday & usually, she'd call or at least write me a Facebook Wall post. She didn't.
Anyone who knows my friend knows that she's not the type who'd ever ditch her friends. When she & I reconnected after she got married, she told me she'd never ditch her friends because of her husband. There were definitely friends he didn't like, I might add.
She was also MIA to do something with my sister, another bad sign. She did find out she wasn't pregnant, but what was this douchebag's reaction? "I want you to have my baby. Why aren't you pregnant already?"
It is my firm belief that a true friend, a real friend, tells you when you're throwing your life in the gutter. Real friends aren't "yes" people or around to watch you self-destruct. That is an entourage.
I had to finally speak my piece about all this. She will probably be pissed but I don't care. I'm hoping that the words of someone not using the specter of religion will get through. Putting aside any religious disagreements you may have with adultery or divorce, shoving the good book at someone doesn't work. You're just creating a climate of judgment & shaming someone. That doesn't help anyone.
I was quite blunt & direct, as anyone who knows me knows I'm going to be. I pointed out that I do have some real life experience to speak as I did & said she was allowing this guy to treat her like a whore. Considering what I discussed before in this blog, what would you call someone who fights with some guy's baby mama over which one of them will get to sleep in the bed with him? I said she could do far better than this scumbag & that if he's laid a hand on her, he will get what's coming to him. Far too many people we know wouldn't let that slide & live a lot closer to them than I do.
I also asked her if she'd want a guy treating her daughter that way or for me to be taking that kind of abuse.
I'm also seeing what other people who know her make of all this. I can't be the only person who thinks something has to be done. You can't help everyone & I certainly can't make her wise up but I do tend to be honest in a situation + people tend to take me seriously when I speak in other contexts.
This also hits harder for me since I'm not going to have many real friends soon. You can get an entourage pretty quickly but people who really have your back without judgment & will tell you when someone is being abusive? Not so much. I could care less about the religious aspects; I care about the example her child is seeing & her letting a man treat her like shit. As someone who still remembers what it was like to see an alcoholic parent, I think her child deserves better than that & her mother should know it's going to have an effect on that relationship.
I hate to say it but I do think a judge would probably want to consider having that kid stay with her father if her mother's just going to be some possible illegal's whore on the side. If she's going to do that, I think her daughter is safer elsewhere. You know, I have to wonder why it is that most of the illegals I know of in NC are abusive scumbags while there are plenty in NYC who have nothing but the utmost respect for people & wouldn't try running a harem in their house. Do my sister & I just know people who attract these cretins like magnets? Is it any wonder I really don't keep in touch or have real friendships in that town?
Are there any decent illegals in that area of NC who have any ambition for themselves or are they all just sexist, misogynistic pigs who beat up little children & pass on STDs? This cynic would love to hear about some who are single so people we know would have a better dating pool to consider.