Saturday, January 30, 2010

"Too Many Opposite Sex Friends???" Insecure, much?

Even though I'm very happily married, I read relationship advice articles on occasion to see if they're giving sound advice or total garbage. Generally, it's a mix as many things considered traditional advice (for instance, never talking about exes) are counter to what I ever did & I dated quite a bit before meeting a man I partly bonded w/by trading bad ex stories. Some of our stories are SO horrid, you could write a stand-up routine or an interesting TV show.

This article just pissed me off.

First off, I have a fair amount of guy friends. This has been true since middle & high school. Now it seems most of my local friends (acquaintance is probably the better word) are guys. I have my theories on why:

1. I'm in a position of leadership at a young age. Very few women are doing what I'm doing. Guess what gender a lot of the people who can advise me or help me move up are?

2. I'm attractive. The number of people in general who say I'm pretty is considerable. It also seems that attractive women who have intellect & are fun to talk to are hard to come by; one of my exes said that he loved this about me. I'm as far from a flirt as you can get but I'm not going to look like this forever so out of personal pride & b/c I have it, I flaunt it (though tastefully).

3. A lot of women are jealous. I wish I had local female friends who didn't cave to the low self-esteem mentality or get all pissy b/c I can wear something they can't or a guy pays attention to me instead of them.

4. I'll generally talk to people who speak to me. Just turns out most of the people who talk to me are guys. I don't have the patience, time or interest to force anyone to be my friend, invite me to things or get upset when people inevitably let me down.

5. Finally, maybe I'm more logical & that's why I have more guy friends. I don't want to have kids, be a stereotypical housewife or limit my interactions based on someone's gender.

My husband isn't a jealous maniac & I'm not some insecure, bitchy housewife. In fact, my husband dated possessive females before me & said any woman playing this game is not worth it. He had exes try to banish his female friends; he never played that game.

To me, it comes down to trust. We even remarked at how when someone gets married, they NEVER seem to have friends of the opposite sex unless they were there pre-marriage. I think it's due to bitchy housewives who forget that if a man's coming home to THEM, they have nothing to worry about. My husband knows who I'm coming home to & is free to meet any guy friend of mine he wants. Same goes for my husband's female friends. Either you trust someone or you don't. Making restrictions on their friendships means you absolutely, 100% DO NOT.

Some article commenters tried to compare platonic opposite gender friends to exes.

Apples to oranges, sweetie!

Exes share a history w/someone: they've seen your SO naked, kissed them, touched them, etc. You can have opposite gender friends who'd NEVER do any of that stuff w/your SO. I wouldn't be friends w/any of my exes & neither would my husband; there's too much history, baggage, etc. for that to ever work out.* We WOULD leave the other for that or for friends the other was told he/she couldn't meet. Since that doesn't happen in my relationship, though, it's moot.

I think it's part of being separate people w/differing interests & having people to talk to who share those interests instead of boring your mate. Sometimes, it's even about getting the male/female perspective if your mate is doing something you just don't get.

* To clarify, there's exceptions. I'd look at the seriousness of the relationship, how it ended, what happened, etc.

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