Some Leaders and Change Makers Aren't Chosen but Summoned

If you are a person governed by personal integrity and the type who feels you should BE the change instead of complaining about why things don't change, then you can definitely relate to this sentiment. As I'm going through my life I definitely have found that to be more and more true.

Sometimes, the choice to speak out or do something is not even really a choice. You're minding your own business, content to go about life and do you thing when all of a sudden there's bullshit confronting you. Maybe it's a rude salesperson. Maybe it's a boss being emotionally abusive. Maybe it's some rando who nearly killed you in traffic. Maybe you're getting slammed by bureaucracy because you don't come from money but people assume you do. Either way, you've been thrust into some time of intolerable conflict where your choices are "sit back and take it" or "give 'em hell." Not sure how common it is or how many people identify as this but I like to think that many people in America are of the "give 'em hell" mindset. We claim to revere and respect the "give 'em hell" types. In fact, I think it's an unofficial requirement that you be a "give 'em hell" type if you're going to be a lawyer.

But have you ever noticed that whistleblowers are never protected by society's decisionmakers or many of the "woke" activists? Where's the fund for them? Don't tell me "just create a GoFundMe or a GiveSendGo campaign." Not everybody's story goes viral or has that kind of support from the world at large. Where's any concern for one's survival in the meantime from any camp? Don't you get that lots of people get blacklisted by employers if they speak up against anyone, even the Harvey Weinstein figures? Where are the employers who fight this bullshit? Why don't any say "I'd be proud to hire that person since they have principles?" Do entire industries just cover for assholes, in contradiction of their supposed claims to value all people or care about the populace at large? I suppose stuff like this makes me look skeptically at the whiners who bitch at people for protecting their own self-interest. Will those woke scolds feed the children of the "good" cops who speak out against corruption? Will they be supporting the fired creatives who report some well known sexual predator? It doesn't look like they do.

In the legal world, lawyers are requried to report ethics violations and can't be blind soldiers just following orders at their jobs. There's a specific rule that says this. But what do legal employers do when someone makes a report against some other employer who's straight up got no business trying to solicit clients or supervising anyone? What if it's an employer who's a sexual predator or hits people in the workplace? I've been given the impression that legal employers have no respect for whistleblowing and outright discourage it by punishing the people who do it with blacklisting in spite of the reality that attorneys are commanded to report ethical violations in their profession. Who thinks the people who'd blacklist some whistleblower is guilty of things that they deserve exposure for or are feckless wimps who'd never report anything since it would be harmful to their personal comfort in some way?

If you're acting against your personal comfort, clearly you're governed by something else & have far more integrity than losers who will blacklist others for taking a stand. I feel like those people would just let some rapist continue harming people, a child molester continue harming kids, a wife beater keep beating his wife, thieves continue to steal, you get the idea. To me, staying silent when shit happens in front of your face is enabling that bad behavior and you might as well be participating in it yourself. Those who are "give 'em hell" types find this intolerable. Their feeling is "I have to do what's right" and it doesn't matter what personal comfort is lost or how much money you pay them to drop a claim or what threats you make to them. It's just "this is what I must do." It's a moral imperative, God's will, however you interpret it.

In my own speaking out and stepping up experiences, I was thrust into some intolerable situation that was unfair to me in some way. Whether it was threat to my academic record, being denied a job I was perfectly capable of doing, an abusive work environment, witnessing racism being practiced on my friends, or seeing loved ones being treated terribly in a job, I didn't choose to inject myself into situations. I was facing negative impact or the threat of negative impact and simply decided it was time to fight against it. In the case of friends being subjected to racism, that was something I was asked to watch then be involved in but I didn't like seeing my friends being treated badly as that affected my life (when you care about your friends, you don't want people abusing them and making them unhappy). This is something I did as early as middle school. It's funny that people actually had positive words for me after I took action even though I was far from Ms. Popular. I've also never regreted taking these actions and I guess this is how I became a lawyer though I'm not a litigator.

When you've been called to take action, you get it. I also keep seeing anti-mandate protesters taking action and I'm like "they're doing the Lord's work." So is the widow of that officer who just got killed. I love that she called out the feckless Bragg in her eulogy, this creampuff DA who thinks criminals should get to freely roam the streets and harm others. I bet he'd feel differently if HIS loved one or HE were a victim of some of his beloved criminals. Same goes for all the politicans who enable that shit. It's time the criminals actually targeted those people. That's what I'd do if I were a criminal.

I suppose, though, that's because I'm also rebellious and big on giving people some "fuck you" alongside something I'm doing. Why individual armed security people or staff members haven't poisoned these people or simply gotten out of the way when guns were aimed at these losers is a mystery to me. My personal integrity would command me to make these people suffer the consequenses of their stupidity. I can't be that rare a breed but perhaps I am. Someone who did that stuff would be a personal hero to me. I understand that officer's widow got a standing ovation when she called Bragg out and is sure to become a personal hero to many in NYC and beyond who are fed up with creampuff DAs and lying politicians.

One thing for sure is that I have tons of real life influence for my creative pursuits. Apparently, we're getting a blizzard so I'll get to sit pretty at home.

Social Media Background Checks -- What The F***?!?!?!?

Yeah, life has been extremely busy lately. I recently got to have my first international travel experience (more on that in a separate post, maybe after I get some pictures off my phone) that I would never have been able to predict happening even a couple months back. I've also been trying to do mindset work since it seems my former manager and countless others who discuss mindset work may have a point though I'm probably going to remain some level of cynic until I'm dead. Trying to get rid of all my cynicsm might be akin to asking for miracles and no mere human can do that. The best I can do is "be more like my family members."

My boyfriend, who I love if he loves me though he's not actually TOLD me "I love you" (so I'm playing my hand very close to my chest though if he didn't love me, I'd be curious to see how he treats a woman he DOES love; he's been better to me than any other guy I've dated), isn't a man without baggage. I had to warn him about not taking my ex's side in the divorce or trying to brand me as "lazy" when I simply happen to be selective when it comes to what I'm going to do for work. He also seems to ignore his own good fortune at having friends in high places to help him in the working world while I don't have that privilege nor do I have a STEM background or (what seems to be critical in my field) experience or interest in the paperwork part of litigation. Some people get that I work in a niche area, am not your typical attorney and appreciate those things about me while others insist that I conform to be just like every other boring person and that I apologize for not being from a T1 law school, working in a big law firm or wanting to do any of that stuff.

Apparently one such form of shaming creatives/non-conformists comes in the form of "social media background checks." Per my boyfriend and online research he showed me, companies that can pay viable wages employ third party companies to monitor anything you write online then screen you out if you have any opinion whatsoever on a subject that doesn't march in lockstep with the rest of the social conformists or maybe the woke scolds depending on what industry you wish to work in. This post is specifically for you cretins along with those who employ you :)

His stance was "accommmodate these jerks by stifling your creative voice." He's not the first person to say that & ironically I'm not sure any employer has even bothered talking to me long enough to go on such fishing expeditions (if you're an attorney, you definitely know about the use of this term from law school or trial practice work). You apparently have to give consent for this to happen and some companies do have a provision that says you will be permitted to get all the information from such reports. Such reports also omit information based on protected categories (which technically, stuff about your significant other would qualify since that would presume your sexual orientation and an employer can't discriminate based on that in many localities if not the entire US; I do know it's not allowed in NYC).

Apparently these reports include political and religious rants, complaints about previous jobs or bosses (what if your boss was Harvey Weinstein and he'd touched you or made an indecent advance towards you?), participation in activities and so forth.

Is anyone else hearing of this and thinking "this is ripe for abuse and discrimination against someone"? I definitely think it is and would say to some company who interviewed me, went through this process and then rejected me "why would I want to work for you when you are bigots/have no respect for creativity or one's creative voice/enable the Harvey Weinsteins of the world/act like you are Jesus Christ when I'm sure we'd find worse on you if we did a similar search?"

I have maybe near certainty that employers in liberal regions or in the entertainment field would never have an issue with the ANTIFA protester or rioter who destroyed some small business or harassed someone on the street if it wasn't a minority owned business or a minority they'd harassed unless that person was wearing a MAGA hat or supported Trump in some form. Trump supporter seems to cancel out any form of minority status in Leftist Land. Just ask Candace Ownes, Larry Elder or countless black conservatives, independents and anyone else who's not a registered Democrat or speaks against those sacred cows.

I would also question if this employer actually knows what attorneys do and anything about the attorney ethics rules? The attorney ethics rules expect an attorney to report slimeballs & speak out against them, not cover up for them or enable them to harm more people. Attorneys also aren't supposed to be bowing to government corruption or enabling criminality though plenty seem to be completely clueless about the text of the US Constitution, various laws and the state ethics rules for attorneys. I've had to block and wade through those idiots, whom I'd never hire as MY lawyer. You probably wouldn't want to either.

The irony is I've had praise for my blog, my podcast episodes and so forth from industry contacts, propsective clients and even some attorneys. People will tell me "your blog is so funny" or "your comments on this topic resonated with me" or "I think you're exactly right on that point." Those are the people I want to work for, the people who think my storytelling, my humor, my entire essence are wonderful things that deserve to be valued and praised. People who think I shouldn't have to be a starving artist and cede my brain or be a stuffy old boring lawyer and cede my creativity. That's the audience I want. You notice no race, sexual orientation or any other form of identity politics is part of that equation? That's because I've gotten such praise from people of all stripes and in various corners.

The question is why is it that I can't find anyone in that audience who has the ability to hire me for a stable job that would pay within market rates? How come only the boring, hating jerks are in leadership roles in the fields I rock at instead of people who aren't envying others, crushing them emotionally or asking them to dim their light? I have wondered for years why I'm not meeting the ones who value me, respect my time/humor/resourcefulness/creativity/basic essence and only meet the jerks. This feels like a mindset thing, hence my doing that sort of work so I can attract the group I want.

But stuff like that social media background check requirement? That just sets me further back or makes me say "I don't want to work with you." I think many others are probably more equipped emotionally to tolerate or settle for bureaucratic nonsense that I just won't. Not having anyone to back you is a big, fat problem and I love that when I've brought up class factors and economics having to be resolved if you truly want "diversity and inclusion" or truly live by it, people have agreed with me.

In all fairness, diversity of mind and perspective should also be included and not doing so screams "we were lying when we said we cared about diversity and inclusion." That ethic isn't just for minorities and if you want to get more of them in the doors, you have to address class factors, the impact of living in a bad neighborhood or a dysfunctional family where you had to do things on your own or didn't even have the resources to turn to if you wanted to get out of that environment. That stuff affects your psyche, your thought process and how you approach the world. Some people own it and know it's their issue but not everybody has that self-awareness and telling them "get over it" or "do this" isn't effective. You must show them BY EXAMPLE why their particular belief is wrong. Here are some Cracked articles for references: "The 5 Stupidest Habits You Develop Growing Up Poor" & "5 Reasons Why the Middle Class Doesn't Understand Poverty"

I also took a quiz recently called "The 4 Tendencies" and guess which one I got? The Rebel!!! Not a big surprise considering I'm an attorney who's a natural redhead so contrariness is kind of how we roll. However, the thing to know about rebels is that issuing commands at them is how you get them NOT to do something. They view commands as "fuck you and the horse you rode in on, you authoritarian cretin." You have to use LOGIC and REASON with rebels. I have to decide to do something on my time and by my choice, not be bullied or forced into something. Trying that makes rebels resist all that much harder. You'd think the US government would get that and certainly some other governments in the Western world where certainly other rebellious types exist. But that's a whole other story.

I view such checks as an authoritarian effort to bully me into conformity and kiss butt to someone who's most likely not worth my emotional investment or the disturbance to my mental peace, work-life balance and the like. I don't think mental peace or work-life balance is something that only the rich can aspire to or get to have. Shocking, right?? I believe everyone should have standards for themselves since nobody else is going to care about them or have to deal with the repercussions of violating them. You know, I may even end up saying that very loudly to someone at some point and they'll either think I'm exactly right or incredibily intelligent and after considering my points think I've got a valid point. If you're such a screener, yep I'm calling you out and you can tell that employer I said it since I probably will say that or ask probing questions to anyone saying it's part of their process.

Now to await the presence of people who'll read this and say "right on!"

Working Undercover, Romantic Notions & School Bashing

So my temp job is going to be ending pretty soon (Tuesday, I'm pretty sure). I've been DYING to write about that experience but figured I couldn't do it until I finished. Some great insight & comedy have come out of it.

You may wonder why I've not just worked in some law firm or something instead of taking jobs that aren't really "lawyer" style jobs. Here's why?

1. Reduced stress. Legal jobs are so stressful, it's insane. I've had to go through my paperwork for legal matters with ex-clients and just doing that has been enough for me. If I ever did litigation, I wouldn't do it on my own. I would insist on doing it with some law firm or team of lawyers. If you don't want to take work home with you, being in a lawyer job is not the way to go.

2. Inspiration for writing/new experiences. Face it, you can get much more of this doing different types of jobs and not just the same one day in & day out. I also use this to justify trying new things I have an interest in.

3. Romantic notions of working as an "undercover boss." Lawyers are perceived by society very differently than the average phone interviewer/marketer. I can mention being a lawyer in some situations and it scares the hell out of folk. However, if you knew about my antics back in the day you wouldn't be shocked at all.

You have to watch out for romantic notions, though. Sometimes what you think is cool & interesting doesn't always turn out that way. Case in point: the manner in which I met Psycho Boy. I know you haven't heard this one.

I met Psycho Boy when he was working at a grocery store we frequented. As usual, my sister was begging for food my mom couldn't afford. I was always trying to talk my mom out of giving in to her & my dad, who were notorious for begging for wants. I got even better at this after being in college & asking family members how they thought I got things if I couldn't afford them. I said I had to put them back since my looks weren't getting me the extra groceries. Though I guess considering I got that free Blockbuster rental once & it had to have been my looks since what other reason was there for it, maybe I should have tried it sometime.

One thing I'd often do at the grocery store was check out guys. Yeah, I'm not ashamed to say that. This was the first summer I was coming back to my hometown & not being perceived as "the ugly girl." I had been doing new things & getting male attention in college. Plus, you need something to do in that town.

As we're shopping, my mom notices that this guy is following us. Seems like every time we're on a particular aisle, there is this guy. He even got up the nerve to say "Howdy" to me at one point. After this, my sister speculates that he's interested in me & claims he's probably still in high school (as most guys working in grocery stores tend to be). This prompts me to say that I'd rather not be in jail like Mary Kay Letourneau (I was 19 at the time).

So anyway, after I find out he's legal I get his phone number. As a form of revenge, I figured he'd given me a fake phone number.

A few weeks later, he approaches my sister at the store & asks why I haven't called him. She mentioned the phone number & that time, he gave her his real number. I told him about this phone number thing & he said he avoided looking at me as revenge then denied giving me a fake number. I found it hard to believe that I could make any guy nervous enough to mangle his own telephone number, especially after I'd just started being perceived as legitimately pretty by the opposite sex vs. "playing around" flirt guy kind of ribbing.

Could I? I guess it depends on who you ask. People who've seen guys react to me after I put in no effort at all would probably look at you like you were an idiot for even asking that question. I'm still mystified by that sort of thing but now I'm more used to it.

However, I think I mentioned what ended up happening with that whole relationship. That experience really confirmed the phrase "be careful what you wish for." It's still spooky that my husband has an ex who'd have been this guy's perfect match from what I hear about her.

I saw the recent trend on Facebook about "You know you did XYZ if..." A friend of mine commented on that regarding the high school we attended & I saw others comments about this notoriously difficult English teacher. I felt obliged to write a little about my exploits in light of discussion on a computer science class I got out of in a special way.

I was in my senior year & already had most of my credits to graduate. I was in the class one day & felt there was no way I could do it. To avoid early graduation or utter boredom, I was taking 2 AP level classes. One was English since I felt if I was going to have a hard English class, I may as well get AP credit for it. Better experience since I got to meet people from other high schools that hadn't marked me as "that ugly girl" or "our victim."

Now typically, they wouldn't let you wait on required classes & I needed a Math credit that this class would have given me. However, I had the option to take Pre-Calculus the next semester & actually was saved when the head librarian at my school offered me a page position.

I was commenting that something like that probably happened to me since I'd taken on this asshole gym teacher who was grading on one's athletic abilities (which I have none), being sexist in the grading AND I hadn't even signed up for the class + tried 3 different times to get out of it for something else. I wasn't able to take Dance that semester because I was taking Honors Seminar, the AP level English/Social Studies class for freshmen & sophomores. Plus, I was certain the D I got in that class would keep me from being in National Honor Society. Learning all this created the basis for my petition, which was signed by a lot of people. My parents weren't happy with that either & sided with me against this teacher.

See, unlike some people I grew up not having blind obedience to someone because of their status as an adult. We saw plenty of adults who weren't worthy of respect & even my mother said respect has to be earned, not given as a matter of course. There were teachers at our school she didn't have any respect for since she felt they weren't earning it. She even wondered how they expected to get respect from students since it's not a divine right.

If you follow blind obedience of authority to a dramatic degree, you could end up a victim of sex abuse at worst (there were a few abusers living in my own neighborhood that I learned about later on) and at best end up blindly obeying stupid & pointless rules that exist for no good reason other than to please the little Hitlers. Part of this undoubtedly comes from my own experiences with an alcoholic parent, an adult I didn't respect because of behavior and actions. Heck, this guy stole my allowance as a child! Allowance I saved on my own for my own purposes. I think if you were me, you'd also not be willing to listen to arbitrary asshole types. Those people still piss me off so I make effort not to be that way.

As I recalled that story, I realized I was a smart kid & a rebel all at once. I even said they should rename my school to "Parkland Prison" and would publicly criticize the school when I had a chance & truly saw some BS. When I was in the Miss Parkland pageant my senior year, I gave as my answer to the question "What is the most prevalent issue facing the school?" that administrators were too busy worrying about little things like whether the snack machines were on during break time when there were bigger problems to deal with like the presence of drugs on campus. The entire audience loudly applauds after this answer & it was indeed true.

I figured that if I wasn't going to be liked or have any kind of group accept me, I was going to at least be respected & speak my mind. By senior year, I really felt I should seize the day & was ready to start my new life elsewhere. Reading about high schools today & how they act more like corporations than institutes of learning (case in point being the story about the black female valedictorian who was given a "co" slot with a lower ranked white female), I have to figure I had nothing negative about me to justify nastiness toward me. In fact, I'd have likely been more sympathetic than most people with my family life & flawless records. I was not the kid who disturbed class or got into trouble. I also rarely spoke so I guess when I did, people were more apt to listen.

For the record, if someone earns the valedictorian position honestly (no cheating or weighted GPA crap) you give them that slot. I don't care if the person sold drugs, killed people, whatever. If they did something that puts them away from being the All-American kid, guess what? That speech will have far more meaning & the person's more of a role model for their peers. That's a living symbol of "If I could overcome my own struggles to do this, you've got no excuse not to be successful." I'd give much more cred to that person than the All-American kid & I think they'd write a much better speech with more meaning, honesty and sincerity. Punishing someone for that after they earned a valedictorian slot just teaches that person that the system is shit & the establishment shouldn't be trusted. Welcome to a recipe for disaster.

Now I have to fast for 10 hours for a medical exam for life insurance. This will be loads of fun (sarcasm). I also tend to get nauseous if I don't eat after a while & aren't doing something very distracting.

Friends or Entourage Members?

So, the specter of something being up with my friend has really gone up. Yesterday was my birthday & usually, she'd call or at least write me a Facebook Wall post. She didn't.

Anyone who knows my friend knows that she's not the type who'd ever ditch her friends. When she & I reconnected after she got married, she told me she'd never ditch her friends because of her husband. There were definitely friends he didn't like, I might add.

She was also MIA to do something with my sister, another bad sign. She did find out she wasn't pregnant, but what was this douchebag's reaction? "I want you to have my baby. Why aren't you pregnant already?"

It is my firm belief that a true friend, a real friend, tells you when you're throwing your life in the gutter. Real friends aren't "yes" people or around to watch you self-destruct. That is an entourage.

I had to finally speak my piece about all this. She will probably be pissed but I don't care. I'm hoping that the words of someone not using the specter of religion will get through. Putting aside any religious disagreements you may have with adultery or divorce, shoving the good book at someone doesn't work. You're just creating a climate of judgment & shaming someone. That doesn't help anyone.

I was quite blunt & direct, as anyone who knows me knows I'm going to be. I pointed out that I do have some real life experience to speak as I did & said she was allowing this guy to treat her like a whore. Considering what I discussed before in this blog, what would you call someone who fights with some guy's baby mama over which one of them will get to sleep in the bed with him? I said she could do far better than this scumbag & that if he's laid a hand on her, he will get what's coming to him. Far too many people we know wouldn't let that slide & live a lot closer to them than I do.

I also asked her if she'd want a guy treating her daughter that way or for me to be taking that kind of abuse.

I'm also seeing what other people who know her make of all this. I can't be the only person who thinks something has to be done. You can't help everyone & I certainly can't make her wise up but I do tend to be honest in a situation + people tend to take me seriously when I speak in other contexts.

This also hits harder for me since I'm not going to have many real friends soon. You can get an entourage pretty quickly but people who really have your back without judgment & will tell you when someone is being abusive? Not so much. I could care less about the religious aspects; I care about the example her child is seeing & her letting a man treat her like shit. As someone who still remembers what it was like to see an alcoholic parent, I think her child deserves better than that & her mother should know it's going to have an effect on that relationship.

I hate to say it but I do think a judge would probably want to consider having that kid stay with her father if her mother's just going to be some possible illegal's whore on the side. If she's going to do that, I think her daughter is safer elsewhere. You know, I have to wonder why it is that most of the illegals I know of in NC are abusive scumbags while there are plenty in NYC who have nothing but the utmost respect for people & wouldn't try running a harem in their house. Do my sister & I just know people who attract these cretins like magnets? Is it any wonder I really don't keep in touch or have real friendships in that town?

Are there any decent illegals in that area of NC who have any ambition for themselves or are they all just sexist, misogynistic pigs who beat up little children & pass on STDs? This cynic would love to hear about some who are single so people we know would have a better dating pool to consider.