Monday, March 3, 2014

Progress & The Start of My New Life

My acting reel is ready to be seen. Go here to check it out:

I actually did watch it & was impressed. I didn't even cringe at myself on film, which is an accomplishment for me. Did that on a particularly bad day in my life so I had a lot of tragic stuff to draw from in doing that particular scene. You have to check out the guy who did it; he is awesome & was actually right near where I used to live.

Embarking on what my mother referred to as my "gypsy existence." Her term, not mine & remember this is NOT a blog catering to the PC crowd. Whatever your offense or conflict with that term, I'm not using it to be nasty or offensive deliberately. I'm using it as akin to "nomad" or "girl without a country," which I sort of am at this point.

Getting more into a routine & so far, I'm doing just fine. Most of us are used to a particular routine & when you've done things for a long time, it can get hard to deal with the shock and adjustment. If you can, though, you'll be just fine. These times sort of remind me of my first days in Connecticut or my first days moving out of my ex-boyfriend's condo in Atlanta. There's a ton you have to do & you know things have to get done but you're in a serious "hurry up & wait," especially if you moved in on a weekend or during a holiday when places are closed or people aren't around. This marks the third time I've done this in my life so I can recognize a few patterns & signs here. Guess in some ways I'm like other actors & performers I know who go on little adventures, end up in a new place and just end up getting housing, food & the like based on their charm, luck and simple determination. Maybe they've also got that special serendipity going for them like I do; trust me, I have it since you don't get the stories I've got without having some kind of good force around you. Who else gets some of the opportunities & what not that I've gotten, even where I sometimes put in zero effort?

Should you find yourself in these circumstances (and I definitely didn't expect to find myself in them 7 years ago or even 2 years ago), you have to remember that you're entering the unknown. You are literally at a point where things aren't settled, you're dealing with fewer resources than you had before & things as you knew them before are over. You can't be spending your time in the past but have to look to the future. You aren't looking at what was; you have to look at future, possibility & what could be. Sometimes, it's frustrating and you miss things you had before.

One thing I can say about going into a new life is that you'll have no shortage of adventures. If you're the adventurous type & don't mind new experiences, you'll be just fine. This is the time to embrace your spirit of adventure, notice signs, open your mind and your brain to new perspectives, new ways of doing things, new people, change, etc. Maybe that was part of my problem in the past; I wasn't around the kind of guy who embraced change or adventure. I also think we can get too used to a routine or stuck in our ways, which isn't a good thing in my book.

One movie I love (and I warn you, it's a chick film) is Mermaids, partly b/c Cher's character is a woman who never stays in the same place for very long. I thought that kind of life would be cool; maybe not if it was your mother making you move & you didn't get a say on where you were going but if YOU got to be the captain of your own ship & make your own decisions on that stuff while having the financial means to do it, I think it could rock. I've not gotten to travel & when this all settles, I get my own place and situation set up, I fully intend to take a vacation for myself. Got a few ideas on places to go where I'm sure friends of mine would be okay with housing me for at least a couple days & not killing me in the process. We're talking friends who've been my allies in all this & made me feel better about all this as well as reminding me of just who I am in case I got bogged down & forgot. I totally expect friends to hold me accountable here & say "Stop feeling sorry for yourself; you're a strong person," if necessary. They should also know, in case they don't, that they're within their rights to slap me if they see me doing something unhealthy & not acting like the person they know.

Go through this or some other personal tragedy & you'll find out who those friends are real quick. Sometimes your real friends aren't who you think they are. People you figured would run like hell from you stick around even when you're looking, feeling & being pretty terrible while your BFFs perform vanishing acts Houdini would have been proud of. In some ways, I also feel like Billy Joel must have when he fled from his oppressive record deal in the 70s and worked incognito in a piano bar. There's a reason I feel this way & those of you who have been in my situation probably understand why.

If you're going to embark on this sort of thing, you have to be very organized, not overly attached to particular creature comforts (you come to appreciate things a lot more when you have to live on a thread budget; forget shoestring), a steward at finances (since you've got to save money when you're doing this lifestyle) & be able to see some upsides in life so you don't start feeling suicidal if you ended up in this against your own accord. If you're the type who couldn't be "a subsistence farmer," you'll fail at this. Just a simple fact. I'd call someone like that "spoiled," "privileged" and not someone I'd have much respect for.

Is it judgey for me to say that? If it is, I really don't care. If I ever have the wherewithal to commit to anyone again (and that's a huge "if" since I don't think I'll ever be able to do that unless maybe I lost my mind or possibilities vanished for me), I'm sure not taking up with any guy who's never had to take care of himself or done what I'm doing now. The guy who hasn't would never be able to relate to me & I'd just think he was too pampered and spoiled to be able to respect or handle me. Plus, there's the whole further negative association that guy would have to overcome & not sure that is even possible in my case. Some guy trying to change my mind would have to be a serious masochist.

Oh, yeah if you feel so inclined here's the link to the GoFundMe campaign:

If you have negative remarks, I challenge you to deal with this situation yourself with the resources available to me. I'll bet you'd crack like an egg if you had to go through it. Those haters would probably give someone the satisfaction of their suicide or giving up on things.

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