Creativity & Messages From the Universe

Nearly a week ago, I had maybe the most personal experience I have ever had with an employment recruiter. I called to follow up on a job ad I saw on Monday and talked to this guy directly, who asked me to send all my resumes (yep, all 4 of them) to see if he might be able to help me in a job hunt.

On Wednesday, I ended up having some things to do and decided while I was going to get my headshots printed (I had to get them in before 12 to pick them up after 5, when therapy would be over & then go uptown for a rehearsal for the next City Bar show) I would see about meeting this recruiter since he'd wanted to meet with me, I could kill some time instead of wasting travel money and I could avoid another trip into the city if he was free. It turns out he was so I made that happen. Unfortunately, I have to get my headshots this week since my resume in a Word format was 2 pages while the version I had at home was 1 page. My problem with an entertainment resume is that I have a lot of special skills & distinct information that should be mentioned which when adding up training and roles, puts me at 2 pages unless I make small margins and lessen the type font.

Somehow, I never have the problem of a resume being too small; mine are always too large with very little information I can feasibly cut. I still have to get my writing resume onto 1 page and have no clue what to omit to make that happen.

Anyhow, I had this meeting with the recruiter. He tells me that I'm far more creative & innovative than him. This very thing, however, is apparently a huge problem in any job I'd want to do and as I suspected, the very thing I'd be suited for is something no employer would actually let me do (since I'm not a 5 year old, actually know what I'm talking about when I speak & violate rules on legal "pedigree" and traditional paths). The conversation ended up getting a bit personal, maybe too personal since at one point I felt the urge to burst into tears. It depressed me since it made me feel that there is no way in Hell I can work for anyone other than myself, no employer could ever appreciate me & the demand that I go find a steady paying job is never going to be fulfilled.

However, the good thing about this recruiter is that he said he got it & something in my voice told him he should meet with me. He also told me he had no clue how to help me though he could listen to me talk all day. Okay.

I was also told to stay in touch & I guess I will since this is the first recruiter I've ever met who got it. Few people I meet outside the creative world really get me, what I do, what I stand for or how my mindset works even though I don't think I'm that hard to figure out. I simply don't have time for bullshit, know how to think & am not a follower. If you can remember these 3 things & respect them, we're good. Those are the people I cherish & respect.

One of my friends even said I have my own box I'm that unique & different from everyone else.

I should probably just pay some of these people to talk to the jerks who think I should go get a job in some law firm or can go easily do just any old steady paying job. Definitely thinking of making that offer to one of my City Bar colleagues who actually knows BigLaw & confirmed exactly what I knew; perhaps hearing it from these people would make these fuckers realize that maybe I know what I'm doing in my life & have some self-awareness, okay?

This weekend, I also read this article & can tell you with authority it's 100% accurate. When I responded to job ads from law firms seeking "hip lawyers," I never got a response. Stories I've read about the operations of law firms and even looking at their websites confirm this a million times over. Stories people have told me about their working experiences at these places confirm that I don't want to be there. I've not bought into the lie that employers value creativity for many years so I see no need for any of them to lie to me about it. To me, that lie is just part of the big dog & pony show I don't care for in the first place.

And you know something? I don't have any passion for many of these employers I see posting jobs I could feasibly do. I looked on LinkedIn job ads yesterday & realized that few of these companies had given me anything to care about or feel any passion for. If I can't get behind what your company does or your mission or feel like what you're doing has value in society, why should I apply? You don't want me to work there because I have a brain in the first place & dare to not be some befuddled little weakling. My lack of passion is just another big reason I shouldn't be there.

I really don't think I lost my father & cousin in these past few months to keep doing the same old shit. I didn't have mortality shine right in my face (my cousin was the same age as my sister) to listen to assholes who just want me to be part of their misery club instead of actually CARING about whether I'm happy or not. My mentality has changed & I realized I have to admit that to myself. I also realized things about my self-perception have changed. I'm starting to see myself as designers, models, fashion industry colleagues and guys legitimately attracted to me see me; this is a drastic turn from thinking I had goth tendencies or belonged in crowds that I really don't.

Call me stubborn but I also don't believe that happiness & personal fulfillment are things you have to buy or are only for rich people. I reject that idea. I'd rather be dead than giving up everything I worked for & give a damn about. For me, what is the point if you are miserable & don't have a single source of joy in your life? Giving up any part of what I do creatively would take away my sources of joy & I feel it's wrong to ask anyone to do that.

Then, I saw a post from a Facebook friend who's an actress (along with a fellow natural redhead) that she had recently lost her job & was concerned about this (as most of us would be).

It gets better. Her boss directly made fun of her for her acting ambitions & sounded just like many of these law firm partners I hear about who've asked my attorney colleagues why they're "wasting their time" on creative pursuits or told them those pursuits were frivolous.

However, she got 3 auditions and a movie offer. One comment on this said that the universe was telling her she didn't need to be at that job & she was on the right path with pursuing acting.

I do also believe the universe gives you messages. For instance, something told me on Saturday to refill my business cards before going out to watch a show I was to review for Woman Around Town (a blog I've written some pieces for in the past few months). Sure enough, I ended up meeting another attorney who was sitting near me for the show & had a great conversation. I've had something tell me to go out or do things many times and ended up having some meaningful conversation or later having a great event happen in my life.

I wasn't even going to interview for the internship position at One Way years ago since I thought I'd have to work in New Jersey & couldn't do that but something told me to go anyway. I did and the rest is history.

The universe has done everything but grabbed me by the shoulders & shaken me while slapping me in the face and say "You need to work for yourself, not chasing after jobs in Corporate America." The evidence just adds up & I don't think you can attribute it to coincidence. The question in my brain is how to get others to understand that; maybe paying those people who say that I wouldn't fit into particular jobs to explain this to those types isn't such a bad idea.

Seriously, though I don't think anyone should ignore their intuition. Sometimes it's accurate and right. Maybe there's also an element of positive thinking in some of this but I also believe in the power of positive thinking considering it does tie in with self-fulfilling prophecy, which is a proven & studied psychological concept.

God, sometimes being both left & right brained sucks! Being the first to do things can also suck.