That is a HUGE peeve of mine. It pisses me off on many, many levels. By "The Almighty," I'm referring to God. Maybe people use other religious figures in other faiths & countries (Allah some places, Hindu gods in others, the Flying Spaghetti Monster in other circles) but the general idea is the same. It's claiming a person can or can't do something b/c "God will be upset" based on Scripture written BY MAN in a time period where women, minorities and anyone who wasn't rich didn't have rights to speak of.
I've read about more than one model on my Facebook feed who apparently won't do swimsuit or lingerie shows b/c "GOD will not like it" or "the Bible says it's wrong." That's total bullshit & I'll tell you why. For those who haven't read prior entries or don't know about me, I grew up in an independent Baptist home in the Southern US surrounded by religious types (with a fair amount of fundie nutcases mixed in there). I went to a Baptist Christian school for part of my young years and was an ace at the Bible verse look up competition. I was going up in front of the entire school representing my grade for that and spelling bees; in other words, I know what I'm talking about.
If you don't feel comfortable doing swimwear or nudes or "sexier" fare, just say so. "I don't feel comfortable" is reasonable & fair. I'm not comfortable doing nudity, law licenses, business career and religious mother notwithstanding. I won't do Penthouse style work; I feel inauthentic at that anyway. I can wear a sexy outfit but my own aura is more fun than trashy; trashy is a vibe that I don't really have.
I can sum it up like how Cher was described by Bob Mackie wearing sexy fare on her variety show in the 70's: he said she wore the sexiest outfits like she was wearing a T-shirt & jeans, that she just felt comfortable in whatever she wore and it came out when they were doing that show. I feel if I'm going out in lingerie or swimwear, it's merely part of my space as an artist. It's me playing a role and engaging in art; I never really feel like "this is too trashy for me" in things I pick or wear since that's just not how things look on me. Maybe the best way to describe it is I'm too classy & that classiness rolls off me just like the straight rolls off me. I reek of both & people who know me or can pick up vibes well know this so they know it's not an arena that's authentic to me.
So why do I get offended when people use "God" as a justification? Well, the God I believe in isn't a slut shaming asshole giving babies to deadbeats as Puritanical Christians would have you believe. God GAVE you the figure, did he not? God GAVE you the opportunity to model; know how many girls get to do that on any level at all? A small enough number for people to be impressed when they hear you're a model, especially outside of NYC. Granted you have the fakes and the hobbyists but I know I'm no hobbyist or fake since it's just another piece of my entertainment career that I was fortunate enough to get an opportunity to take on. I approach it the same way I approach all the other aspects of my career that I've been at for well over 15 years in some cases.
The patriarchy and mainstream society also love to slut shame women, telling them to cover up all the damn time and asking what they were wearing when some guy raped them. I view my own modeling career as a rebellion against the patriarchy (including my evil ex and his scummy, hating family who wouldn't be picked for modeling no matter how much THEY wanted to do it; if they'd be able to do it, they'd have never harassed me over it). My immediate family supports me in it & friends of mine support me; I'm not about to let the patriarchy or any other hating asshole dare to slut shame me when I present myself in a very particular, precise way. Not my fault you're too much of a moron to get the concept or understand my art.
Using the Almighty to say "I can't model" is just like people using the Almighty as a justification to kill gay people, have slaves, discriminate against minorities and various other shit people have used the Bible as "God's word" to get away with for how many years already. Some people need some far more supportive & less judgy family members (my family is definitely religiously devout). More people need smackdowns for trying to speak for God. Too bad there isn't a gross of anvils somewhere poised to fall from the sky and hit those people in the head; yes, I'm comical and love a good Looney Tunes scenario played out in real life.
Monday, June 20, 2016
Monday, June 13, 2016
The Surreal Adventures of The Angry Redheaded Lawyer: Ahmani Croom Productions "Karma" Fashion Show
As it seems my reviewing talents will not be going to waste despite my no longer writing for "Woman Around Town," this shall commence into an official series I've dubbed "The Surreal Adventures of The Angry Redheaded Lawyer." My adventures are surreal b/c they usually lead to contacts and directions I never foresee or expect. I'm also open to new adventures and opportunities as this is how we expand our minds, learn new things, make new friends, all that good stuff which makes us grow as human beings.
Case in point: this fashion show I will be writing on. Bear in mind that I never said I was a fashion blogger, nor do I pretend to be an expert at this. I'm not a fashion expert but I do know what I like & I do know the experience as a model who's worked in various venues + have talked to designers, photographers and others in the fashion game. I also have my own style and since this is my page, I'll write as I choose.
Mix this in with my background as a review/critique writer and humorous rant writer, and we may find some interesting results here. So, here goes:
Ahmani Croom Productions did its first show with the theme "Karma." The theme alone was enough to sell me on going. A woman who's gone through what I have and had an evil ex-husband who tried to sabotage her modeling career before it could really get started is probably your ideal guest for such a show. In sum, you had me at "Hello."
I came in on my press pass and we waited a bit (as you're often prepared to do when you go to a fashion event). Not being a professional photographer but wanting pics of outfits for this write up, I invited a close friend who's been to a lot of fashion shows as a spectator to be my guest along with another friend who's recently moved to NYC and deserved a glimpse of my entertainment scene/world. I also wanted a female perspective from a non-model/designer/fashion person. Unfortunately, my fashion outsider couldn't make it but my fashion insider did show up & took many of the pics you're going to see here.
I find a seat right in the front row & frantically save one for my photo taking friend. Unbeknownst to me, there was a separate section for press in a different room. The setup at The Highline Loft (the venue for this) was unique as you had two separate rooms connected by a hallway where we could see the models come in and out. Now if it were me, I'd have had a curtain up there or tried my best to avoid having you see the models before their official walk in the room where I was and where the entertainment and action was taking place. Or I might have had my models engage in a little showmanship like maybe wave to the crowd as they passed or posed specially or something. As an actress who's done that a LOT longer than modeling, I often incorporate my acting background into my own show performances. I've also seen one male model in particular I've worked with who is a master at this & quite beloved by the women. Had I been a model, I'd have wanted to do that as I feel when the audience can see you then you are "on" and need to own it.
The show started off with the hosts talking to the audience and engaging them. They picked a couple people to walk the runway and talk to the crowd. As is my fate in life, I was one of the people picked. Unfortunately, my zebra print heels (another item of karma) had been killing my feet by this time so I'd switched to my sneakers and was walking in those. However, I did my best to rock it as is. The top you see in my pic was specifically chosen for this theme as well as the necklace I had on; both came from my ex's family and I'd decided to wear them as part of my reclaiming of things with negative associations. My own take on the "karma" theme since isn't it delicious to wear something you got from people who hated you modeling to a fashion event? I'm not sure if our host knew I was a model or the producer pointed her out to me ahead of time but I liked my 5 minutes in the spotlight.
I love that this show incorporated the audience and made everyone feel they had worth in the world for being there. I saw no air of "I'm better than you" at this event, which is most certainly not the prevailing image of the fashion world or modeling.
A couple of professional dancers started off this event. I didn't get pics of them but they were quite good and it appears they were clothed in High Lights brand by Willie Fulmore III. Great stuff, these guys and their attire. You could definitely wear it in your normal, daily life or in a performance atmosphere for points for utility (I'm big on clothing & pieces that work in many different settings).
The first designer was CLEONS Clothing, by designer Chad Leon. He had a lot of male models in his segment, which my temperamental friend claimed he wouldn't photograph. I decided to get those pics myself where I got some decent angles. Check these out:
Now, as a straight woman we appreciate the presence of male models and getting eye candy as the straight men & lesbians always get their eye candy with female models. Bravo to equality!! I found his looks to have a mix of classic and a funky, retro feel in club wear. His website states that if you wear one of his designs, you should "feel like a different person...like an alter ego." I most certainly saw that here.
The second designer was Fabric Twinz. The collection I saw featured formal wear with both long and short dresses. Feast your eyes on these, taken by Craig Herskowitz:
(Craig said he liked this one)
(The black dress you see in the center felt like the model for what I'd wanted in my wedding dress; I still kind of want that great black dress though I won't be wearing it in any wedding of mine in the foreseeable future.)
I would wear these dresses, without question. I'm also a bit of an evening gown junkie & LOVE dressing up; maybe that's why modeling eventually found me.
The third collection was Toriola, Inc. by designer Tory Famuyiwa featuring his Peacock Reincarnate collection. There was some great stuff here but the one dress I really found super interesting was not one my friend got a great shot of. However, there were other fantastic & more practical designs captured by Craig Herskowitz:
(You can't tell me you don't love the eyes)
I loved the color scheme and felt like anyone could wear it, including my pale, naturally redhaired self. This collection had a mix of the modest and the sexy.
The final segment of the show (after a break for the cocktails, which I'm still wondering if it was rose--my friend thought the drinks were yummy but didn't know if it was rose when I asked him) was bird by Leigh Grahill for the clothing and Trash Cookie by Joy Vay for the accessories. This was a marriage made in heaven.
I say this because as I was viewing these designs I saw the aesthetic of Betsey Johnson, one of my favorite designers and likely someone who's clothing I'd own a lot of if I had more money to buy it. Witness these pics Craig Herskowitz took and tell me you don't see it:
(I LOVED this boa & found it inspired)
(I love the model's expression here; this is how you want your models to feel when they're walking)
Yeah, the last collection was definitely something in this "cool" lawyer's wheelhouse & of her aesthetic.
When you're modeling, that time on the runway feels like eternity but it's really short. You get told to stay out there for a while, pose, etc. for 30 seconds to 1 minute. You're thinking "no problem; it'll fly by" but it doesn't when you're out there. As a result, most models forget to do that hesitation. I saw some of that here & finally understood what photographers meant when they'd told me and other models to "slow down." Sometimes you're at a loss for what to do & you have to consciously slow your brain down.
Thank you to the models who posed when they first came into my room so we could get better pics of you!! I'm sure the professional photographer taking pics a few seats to my right also appreciated it. Overall, I'd say no one struck me as terrified or a total amateur at this; I'm not sure I'd call myself an expert model or a "professional" at it but I didn't see amateur hour here.
Other than some venue limitations like the heat, some acoustics being off and that weird room setup (apparently the second room was for press while I imagined a press pit being a literal segment where I'd be dodging elbows to get any simple smartphone pictures for my entry), I'd declare this show a success. Ahmani should be quite proud of her work and based on the track record of her designers, you should keep your eye on her and her team. Everyone struck me as professional, polite and definitely on a level I've not always seen in my own experiences.
Case in point: this fashion show I will be writing on. Bear in mind that I never said I was a fashion blogger, nor do I pretend to be an expert at this. I'm not a fashion expert but I do know what I like & I do know the experience as a model who's worked in various venues + have talked to designers, photographers and others in the fashion game. I also have my own style and since this is my page, I'll write as I choose.
Mix this in with my background as a review/critique writer and humorous rant writer, and we may find some interesting results here. So, here goes:
Ahmani Croom Productions did its first show with the theme "Karma." The theme alone was enough to sell me on going. A woman who's gone through what I have and had an evil ex-husband who tried to sabotage her modeling career before it could really get started is probably your ideal guest for such a show. In sum, you had me at "Hello."
I came in on my press pass and we waited a bit (as you're often prepared to do when you go to a fashion event). Not being a professional photographer but wanting pics of outfits for this write up, I invited a close friend who's been to a lot of fashion shows as a spectator to be my guest along with another friend who's recently moved to NYC and deserved a glimpse of my entertainment scene/world. I also wanted a female perspective from a non-model/designer/fashion person. Unfortunately, my fashion outsider couldn't make it but my fashion insider did show up & took many of the pics you're going to see here.
I find a seat right in the front row & frantically save one for my photo taking friend. Unbeknownst to me, there was a separate section for press in a different room. The setup at The Highline Loft (the venue for this) was unique as you had two separate rooms connected by a hallway where we could see the models come in and out. Now if it were me, I'd have had a curtain up there or tried my best to avoid having you see the models before their official walk in the room where I was and where the entertainment and action was taking place. Or I might have had my models engage in a little showmanship like maybe wave to the crowd as they passed or posed specially or something. As an actress who's done that a LOT longer than modeling, I often incorporate my acting background into my own show performances. I've also seen one male model in particular I've worked with who is a master at this & quite beloved by the women. Had I been a model, I'd have wanted to do that as I feel when the audience can see you then you are "on" and need to own it.
The show started off with the hosts talking to the audience and engaging them. They picked a couple people to walk the runway and talk to the crowd. As is my fate in life, I was one of the people picked. Unfortunately, my zebra print heels (another item of karma) had been killing my feet by this time so I'd switched to my sneakers and was walking in those. However, I did my best to rock it as is. The top you see in my pic was specifically chosen for this theme as well as the necklace I had on; both came from my ex's family and I'd decided to wear them as part of my reclaiming of things with negative associations. My own take on the "karma" theme since isn't it delicious to wear something you got from people who hated you modeling to a fashion event? I'm not sure if our host knew I was a model or the producer pointed her out to me ahead of time but I liked my 5 minutes in the spotlight.
I love that this show incorporated the audience and made everyone feel they had worth in the world for being there. I saw no air of "I'm better than you" at this event, which is most certainly not the prevailing image of the fashion world or modeling.
A couple of professional dancers started off this event. I didn't get pics of them but they were quite good and it appears they were clothed in High Lights brand by Willie Fulmore III. Great stuff, these guys and their attire. You could definitely wear it in your normal, daily life or in a performance atmosphere for points for utility (I'm big on clothing & pieces that work in many different settings).
The first designer was CLEONS Clothing, by designer Chad Leon. He had a lot of male models in his segment, which my temperamental friend claimed he wouldn't photograph. I decided to get those pics myself where I got some decent angles. Check these out:
Now, as a straight woman we appreciate the presence of male models and getting eye candy as the straight men & lesbians always get their eye candy with female models. Bravo to equality!! I found his looks to have a mix of classic and a funky, retro feel in club wear. His website states that if you wear one of his designs, you should "feel like a different person...like an alter ego." I most certainly saw that here.
The second designer was Fabric Twinz. The collection I saw featured formal wear with both long and short dresses. Feast your eyes on these, taken by Craig Herskowitz:
I would wear these dresses, without question. I'm also a bit of an evening gown junkie & LOVE dressing up; maybe that's why modeling eventually found me.
The third collection was Toriola, Inc. by designer Tory Famuyiwa featuring his Peacock Reincarnate collection. There was some great stuff here but the one dress I really found super interesting was not one my friend got a great shot of. However, there were other fantastic & more practical designs captured by Craig Herskowitz:
I loved the color scheme and felt like anyone could wear it, including my pale, naturally redhaired self. This collection had a mix of the modest and the sexy.
The final segment of the show (after a break for the cocktails, which I'm still wondering if it was rose--my friend thought the drinks were yummy but didn't know if it was rose when I asked him) was bird by Leigh Grahill for the clothing and Trash Cookie by Joy Vay for the accessories. This was a marriage made in heaven.
I say this because as I was viewing these designs I saw the aesthetic of Betsey Johnson, one of my favorite designers and likely someone who's clothing I'd own a lot of if I had more money to buy it. Witness these pics Craig Herskowitz took and tell me you don't see it:
Yeah, the last collection was definitely something in this "cool" lawyer's wheelhouse & of her aesthetic.
When you're modeling, that time on the runway feels like eternity but it's really short. You get told to stay out there for a while, pose, etc. for 30 seconds to 1 minute. You're thinking "no problem; it'll fly by" but it doesn't when you're out there. As a result, most models forget to do that hesitation. I saw some of that here & finally understood what photographers meant when they'd told me and other models to "slow down." Sometimes you're at a loss for what to do & you have to consciously slow your brain down.
Thank you to the models who posed when they first came into my room so we could get better pics of you!! I'm sure the professional photographer taking pics a few seats to my right also appreciated it. Overall, I'd say no one struck me as terrified or a total amateur at this; I'm not sure I'd call myself an expert model or a "professional" at it but I didn't see amateur hour here.
Other than some venue limitations like the heat, some acoustics being off and that weird room setup (apparently the second room was for press while I imagined a press pit being a literal segment where I'd be dodging elbows to get any simple smartphone pictures for my entry), I'd declare this show a success. Ahmani should be quite proud of her work and based on the track record of her designers, you should keep your eye on her and her team. Everyone struck me as professional, polite and definitely on a level I've not always seen in my own experiences.
Sunday, June 12, 2016
Rebuilding & Reclaiming (A Reflection)
Sometimes we find ourselves in a perfect storm of events. We find that those we counted on, who we thought loved us unconditionally (or were SUPPOSED to love us unconditionally & not throw things away over minor disagreements) never actually did. It can make you feel betrayed, angry, distrustful of anyone else (or bolster your preexisting trust issues), sad, but maybe even a little relieved.
Recently, I found myself able to speak more freely since the ordeal that is my divorce is finally complete with my having no further ties whatsoever to my evil ex. The legal system moves far slower than the life cycle of a relationship, both in marriage and in divorce. So many people have said to me "You're very lucky you didn't have kids/money to fight over." Some have told me "A divorce is nothing. I'm divorced as well." Some of those people told me they have even more than one divorce to their name. I heard that and thought "You managed to go through this TWICE?!?!? How in God's name did you ever trust a relationship enough to even contemplate going through marriage and the possibility of divorce again?" That's not something I could ever see myself doing, certainly not without that guy signing a prenuptial agreement. Sorry, babe my trust is gone in that respect. I got zero justice whatsoever in the legal sense. My ex-husband got away with fucking me over & had a judge who condoned his behavior. Bias is not even enough to describe what that mess was.
It feels like if you become an attorney, even if you pursue a calling like I am and you don't make a dime from it no one listens when you speak or bothers to treat you as a human being. Me having emotional strength and not caving to bullshit from the likes of some Long Island bred Mama's Boy who'd have had nothing in NYC if it weren't for me doesn't = me being a robot with no feelings or permission to have any moral failings or not be some fantasy ideal of what we view people as being.
I was telling one friend that I did feel suicidal a few times in my transient life but the ultimate thing that stopped me was refusing to give my ex-husband or his shitty family the satisfaction of my death. I also didn't feel inclined to give my ex-husband or that family the satisfaction of taking NYC & my career away from me, things I worked my entire life to get. I suppose God, my father, my grandmother and any other angels I had agreed since there's no other reason for me to not have taken the path you'd expect me to after what happened. That bastard can believe I left voluntarily all he wants to but we all know the emotional abuse existed and I'm not the type who's going to ask a saboteur for help or show weakness to someone I know doesn't have my back or give a damn about me. He knows exactly what he did and what he pulled; guess how likely I'd ever forgive him for it?
The weird thing is I've not missed my ex. Not sure I even miss my old life itself that much. I'm pissed about the loss of stability but I'm regaining my own now.
I also like to think the court of public opinion and the court of the universe is on my side. I got an agency deal for commercial + print modeling (the very thing those jerks were against me doing) and for voiceover (the thing that jerk would kill to do) at a legitimate, reputable agency. My company has a movie that got mainstream attention in many ways. I got opportunities to do reviews on my own and even get to do a write up on a fashion show that the show producer invited me to and sought feedback from ME on. I've gotten my own entertainment clients and my own opportunities in the industry I have worked in for nearly 9 years. I keep making my own contacts and my old contacts are making their own waves and headway in this business. Tell me it's "just a hobby" or "worthless." I think a lot of these things are proof that the universe just needed me to get rid of my toxic ex; cleanse the things that held me back, dragged me down and caused problems.
The worst things I've had to deal with are the loss of my cats, the loss of my stability, the loss of my private space and the way things ended, knowing that in retrospect my ex was nothing more than a wannabe leech who was trying to use me as a meal ticket. Well, lesson learned. I married for love; my heart was true. I'm slowly rebuilding back to where I was and then some. I'm reliving my pre-marriage single days. At least my look defies my age so my ex didn't get to steal my youth or beauty like many husbands steal from their wives.
Here's an example of the difference b/t my new tribe and the old one: the new tribe is actually happy for me & opportunities I get. Those people congratulated me and didn't make me feel like I'm some terrible person for getting successful or coming into the status I'd been deprived of with my ex weighing me down. I even got to keep my oldest friend in the world who I hope won't engage in a personality 180 like my last one did; there's one thing in particular that if he did, I'd have to end the friendship since not only would he be a liar but he'd be a massive scumbag hurting innocent people I happen to like. Guess my years ago sense that I should keep him around was right. My life would have been a lot easier at home if I had let my ex dictate my friendships but I refused. There was a principle at work.
The goal now is getting me in order, my life, my career and maybe some quality male companionship. I managed this before & now I'm doing this without being emotionally dead inside. My last boyfriend helped me realize I could indeed do far better than my ex in so many ways, I could do exclusivity with someone again from my choice/free will and I could trust someone again. He even went beyond the simple basics like going with me for major surgery when we were merely FWBs.
I also have been spending time reclaiming things like my old karaoke spot and places I'd previously gone to with my ex. I feel it's necessary to create new imprints and memories having zero to do with him in the city I call home. It's also helpful for showing those people I know who haven't lived here nearly as long as me some spots where they can take people & might not have known about if it weren't for me. When I broke up with other guys, I went through this reclaiming process as well. Get rid of a prior association or letting someone else's "thing" stop you from enjoying it like a particular musician's songs or a particular restaurant.
So, what advice could I impart to you if you're a divorced or soon to be divorced woman or even someone who's lost a parent or dealing with a perfect storm of hell? I like to hope I can impart something of wisdom and value a little over 3 years after my father's sudden death & the match that lit the keg of dynamite.
For one thing, you have to never adopt a poverty mentality. You can't think that you don't deserve better or you aren't worthy of things. That's what caused me to marry my ex. You have to know and believe in your heart that today's circumstances are not where you'll be 5 years from now. You may not know exactly where you will be but you can't think you're stuck in today if you hate today. Plus, no one else has to live your life except you & you will be the most unhappy of all if you want to jump out of your own skin or run away or can't take it anymore. I took steps to avoid being another young mother in NC; you have to figure out your own action plan and move from there.
Second, think about your haters. Do you really want to give them the satisfaction of your death? I think most of us wouldn't (certainly not me since I think venom from hatred gives me some energy when that hatred is well deserved). Want to prove your haters right? Suicide is just giving them what they want; granted you could throw in some homicide first but guns and bullets cost money or you're going to have to wait around to effectively poison someone and for the time where you won't be the first suspect. Homicide would require work and money, things you may not have. Instead give them what they don't want, which is your success and your climbing out of the pit of despair. They don't want your smiles or your winks or cheers or anything good happening to you or resulting from you.
Third, embrace your true self. No one is perfect and we all have our moments of weakness, vulnerability, etc. I think it's better to embrace being imperfect than trying to pretend you're perfect. I certainly have my own flaws & limitations. So does everyone else. Expecting me to be perfect is just stupid; that's unrealistic for anyone. Everyone has to be knocked off a pedestal sooner or later.
Fourth, and something I'm still living myself, it's a process not an instant result. It takes time to get the puzzle pieces to fit together properly or collect your puzzle pieces to make the picture in the first place. You can't spend your time listening to haters, even if if feels like the entire world is telling you to give up on your vision and settle for being ordinary. The biggest irony I'm seeing is my personal Facebook page, the venue where I am my true self with no apologies for not being some typical, boring attorney stereotype, becoming an inadvertent marketing tool. I've started to feel validation in my path and my vision for the first time in this career.
I had to fight for validation and people trusting what I said, listening to me and such for a good chunk of my life. I had to prove I belonged in a normal 1st grade class vs. special ed classes. I had to prove I had talent when I was in the Miss Parkland pageant; my own mother said to me after the dress rehearsal that she had doubts about my ability to do that pageant but after she saw my act, felt I could do it. I feel like when people see me in action or they view my reel, hear me sing, see me live in a fashion show, they instantly get why I'm pursuing this career instead of just going to work in some typical law firm as an associate. They 100% understand why it would be patronizing and insulting to tell me to give up. It would be a betrayal of self and any talent I actually have. Perhaps this is what felt like one of the biggest betrayals with my ex; you expect your husband to understand and be on board with you 100% in whatever endeavor you pursue. If you believe it, your time will come sooner or later.
Finally, never, ever be with someone who disrespects your art, devalues you, tries to censor you or dares to diminish you or your light; having support for what I do is one of the most important things to me. Critical, in fact. When someone is not giving you that support, they are killing your soul and spirit. No one deserves that kind of power.
As I have things to look forward to, build on, care about and focus on to take my mind off my shitty ex and what he did, I don't have to worry about getting revenge. Fortunate for him and his awful family b/c if I didn't have that stuff, I'd have no incentives to give a damn about anything and they'd have to be on the radar screen. I think that old adage "the best way to get over a man is to get under another one," is also true. As time has gone on, what my ex did has become less glaring in my mind. Getting better for me makes me feel less motivated to harm my ex or fuck up his life in some way. It also helps when your ex isn't some superstar who has very much b/c what kind of pleasure could you possibly get from knocking down someone who's already knocked himself down?
Some of us aren't phoenixes or nearly as strong as I am. That's one of your flaws/realities. Some of this was almost too much for me at times so don't go patting me on the back or holding me up as a saint. Just know what your flaws/weaknesses are and heed the wisdom of people who know better. I've always done this in my life & made it a point to forge connections with people who know better than me. Do the same.
Recently, I found myself able to speak more freely since the ordeal that is my divorce is finally complete with my having no further ties whatsoever to my evil ex. The legal system moves far slower than the life cycle of a relationship, both in marriage and in divorce. So many people have said to me "You're very lucky you didn't have kids/money to fight over." Some have told me "A divorce is nothing. I'm divorced as well." Some of those people told me they have even more than one divorce to their name. I heard that and thought "You managed to go through this TWICE?!?!? How in God's name did you ever trust a relationship enough to even contemplate going through marriage and the possibility of divorce again?" That's not something I could ever see myself doing, certainly not without that guy signing a prenuptial agreement. Sorry, babe my trust is gone in that respect. I got zero justice whatsoever in the legal sense. My ex-husband got away with fucking me over & had a judge who condoned his behavior. Bias is not even enough to describe what that mess was.
It feels like if you become an attorney, even if you pursue a calling like I am and you don't make a dime from it no one listens when you speak or bothers to treat you as a human being. Me having emotional strength and not caving to bullshit from the likes of some Long Island bred Mama's Boy who'd have had nothing in NYC if it weren't for me doesn't = me being a robot with no feelings or permission to have any moral failings or not be some fantasy ideal of what we view people as being.
I was telling one friend that I did feel suicidal a few times in my transient life but the ultimate thing that stopped me was refusing to give my ex-husband or his shitty family the satisfaction of my death. I also didn't feel inclined to give my ex-husband or that family the satisfaction of taking NYC & my career away from me, things I worked my entire life to get. I suppose God, my father, my grandmother and any other angels I had agreed since there's no other reason for me to not have taken the path you'd expect me to after what happened. That bastard can believe I left voluntarily all he wants to but we all know the emotional abuse existed and I'm not the type who's going to ask a saboteur for help or show weakness to someone I know doesn't have my back or give a damn about me. He knows exactly what he did and what he pulled; guess how likely I'd ever forgive him for it?
The weird thing is I've not missed my ex. Not sure I even miss my old life itself that much. I'm pissed about the loss of stability but I'm regaining my own now.
I also like to think the court of public opinion and the court of the universe is on my side. I got an agency deal for commercial + print modeling (the very thing those jerks were against me doing) and for voiceover (the thing that jerk would kill to do) at a legitimate, reputable agency. My company has a movie that got mainstream attention in many ways. I got opportunities to do reviews on my own and even get to do a write up on a fashion show that the show producer invited me to and sought feedback from ME on. I've gotten my own entertainment clients and my own opportunities in the industry I have worked in for nearly 9 years. I keep making my own contacts and my old contacts are making their own waves and headway in this business. Tell me it's "just a hobby" or "worthless." I think a lot of these things are proof that the universe just needed me to get rid of my toxic ex; cleanse the things that held me back, dragged me down and caused problems.
The worst things I've had to deal with are the loss of my cats, the loss of my stability, the loss of my private space and the way things ended, knowing that in retrospect my ex was nothing more than a wannabe leech who was trying to use me as a meal ticket. Well, lesson learned. I married for love; my heart was true. I'm slowly rebuilding back to where I was and then some. I'm reliving my pre-marriage single days. At least my look defies my age so my ex didn't get to steal my youth or beauty like many husbands steal from their wives.
Here's an example of the difference b/t my new tribe and the old one: the new tribe is actually happy for me & opportunities I get. Those people congratulated me and didn't make me feel like I'm some terrible person for getting successful or coming into the status I'd been deprived of with my ex weighing me down. I even got to keep my oldest friend in the world who I hope won't engage in a personality 180 like my last one did; there's one thing in particular that if he did, I'd have to end the friendship since not only would he be a liar but he'd be a massive scumbag hurting innocent people I happen to like. Guess my years ago sense that I should keep him around was right. My life would have been a lot easier at home if I had let my ex dictate my friendships but I refused. There was a principle at work.
The goal now is getting me in order, my life, my career and maybe some quality male companionship. I managed this before & now I'm doing this without being emotionally dead inside. My last boyfriend helped me realize I could indeed do far better than my ex in so many ways, I could do exclusivity with someone again from my choice/free will and I could trust someone again. He even went beyond the simple basics like going with me for major surgery when we were merely FWBs.
I also have been spending time reclaiming things like my old karaoke spot and places I'd previously gone to with my ex. I feel it's necessary to create new imprints and memories having zero to do with him in the city I call home. It's also helpful for showing those people I know who haven't lived here nearly as long as me some spots where they can take people & might not have known about if it weren't for me. When I broke up with other guys, I went through this reclaiming process as well. Get rid of a prior association or letting someone else's "thing" stop you from enjoying it like a particular musician's songs or a particular restaurant.
So, what advice could I impart to you if you're a divorced or soon to be divorced woman or even someone who's lost a parent or dealing with a perfect storm of hell? I like to hope I can impart something of wisdom and value a little over 3 years after my father's sudden death & the match that lit the keg of dynamite.
For one thing, you have to never adopt a poverty mentality. You can't think that you don't deserve better or you aren't worthy of things. That's what caused me to marry my ex. You have to know and believe in your heart that today's circumstances are not where you'll be 5 years from now. You may not know exactly where you will be but you can't think you're stuck in today if you hate today. Plus, no one else has to live your life except you & you will be the most unhappy of all if you want to jump out of your own skin or run away or can't take it anymore. I took steps to avoid being another young mother in NC; you have to figure out your own action plan and move from there.
Second, think about your haters. Do you really want to give them the satisfaction of your death? I think most of us wouldn't (certainly not me since I think venom from hatred gives me some energy when that hatred is well deserved). Want to prove your haters right? Suicide is just giving them what they want; granted you could throw in some homicide first but guns and bullets cost money or you're going to have to wait around to effectively poison someone and for the time where you won't be the first suspect. Homicide would require work and money, things you may not have. Instead give them what they don't want, which is your success and your climbing out of the pit of despair. They don't want your smiles or your winks or cheers or anything good happening to you or resulting from you.
Third, embrace your true self. No one is perfect and we all have our moments of weakness, vulnerability, etc. I think it's better to embrace being imperfect than trying to pretend you're perfect. I certainly have my own flaws & limitations. So does everyone else. Expecting me to be perfect is just stupid; that's unrealistic for anyone. Everyone has to be knocked off a pedestal sooner or later.
Fourth, and something I'm still living myself, it's a process not an instant result. It takes time to get the puzzle pieces to fit together properly or collect your puzzle pieces to make the picture in the first place. You can't spend your time listening to haters, even if if feels like the entire world is telling you to give up on your vision and settle for being ordinary. The biggest irony I'm seeing is my personal Facebook page, the venue where I am my true self with no apologies for not being some typical, boring attorney stereotype, becoming an inadvertent marketing tool. I've started to feel validation in my path and my vision for the first time in this career.
I had to fight for validation and people trusting what I said, listening to me and such for a good chunk of my life. I had to prove I belonged in a normal 1st grade class vs. special ed classes. I had to prove I had talent when I was in the Miss Parkland pageant; my own mother said to me after the dress rehearsal that she had doubts about my ability to do that pageant but after she saw my act, felt I could do it. I feel like when people see me in action or they view my reel, hear me sing, see me live in a fashion show, they instantly get why I'm pursuing this career instead of just going to work in some typical law firm as an associate. They 100% understand why it would be patronizing and insulting to tell me to give up. It would be a betrayal of self and any talent I actually have. Perhaps this is what felt like one of the biggest betrayals with my ex; you expect your husband to understand and be on board with you 100% in whatever endeavor you pursue. If you believe it, your time will come sooner or later.
Finally, never, ever be with someone who disrespects your art, devalues you, tries to censor you or dares to diminish you or your light; having support for what I do is one of the most important things to me. Critical, in fact. When someone is not giving you that support, they are killing your soul and spirit. No one deserves that kind of power.
As I have things to look forward to, build on, care about and focus on to take my mind off my shitty ex and what he did, I don't have to worry about getting revenge. Fortunate for him and his awful family b/c if I didn't have that stuff, I'd have no incentives to give a damn about anything and they'd have to be on the radar screen. I think that old adage "the best way to get over a man is to get under another one," is also true. As time has gone on, what my ex did has become less glaring in my mind. Getting better for me makes me feel less motivated to harm my ex or fuck up his life in some way. It also helps when your ex isn't some superstar who has very much b/c what kind of pleasure could you possibly get from knocking down someone who's already knocked himself down?
Some of us aren't phoenixes or nearly as strong as I am. That's one of your flaws/realities. Some of this was almost too much for me at times so don't go patting me on the back or holding me up as a saint. Just know what your flaws/weaknesses are and heed the wisdom of people who know better. I've always done this in my life & made it a point to forge connections with people who know better than me. Do the same.
Friday, May 6, 2016
So, Porn is a "Public Health Hazard" But The Price of College Educations, the Economic Climate and Poverty AREN'T? Also, Some Words on Prince's Death
Saw this article recently through a site I follow: http://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2016/04/20/474943913/utah-declares-porn-a-public-health-hazard
Here are my questions and concerns about this:
Why isn't this resolution addressing the reasons why people actually do porn in the first place? A big part of it is M-O-N-E-Y. Many people need money for things & don't have it. You're not going to pay law school tuition with a job at Wal-Mart. You can't even pay college tuition with the wages from that job. Being a porn actress could make economic sense for women in the short term. Not to mention the degrading and abusive working conditions of entry level crap jobs. I'm sure when you make the comparison, working in the porn industry has to be no worse (or maybe even better) than a job at Wal-Mart or McDonalds.
You never hear these holier than thou types bashing people who work in menial, dead end jobs like flipping burgers but will have a total cow about people doing porn, working as strippers or anything related to the adult industry despite the obvious economic advantage those people will enjoy. Those same judgmental types also never propose higher paying jobs to make porn a less attractive field to people who might be able to work in it. They NEVER address the high costs of getting an education. They NEVER address single parents trying to raise children and keep them housed and clothed. Do these asshole EVER offer to help those women so they don't have to work in the adult industry? In my experience, almost never.
What about the consumers of these products? If you can cut demand, there's no product. The porn industry suffered from the Internet making it possible for people to create homemade stuff for free. We don't hear about child porn so much yet that mess still goes on someplace, at least enough for cops to have steady work busting child porn rings. How about punishing people a little more harshly for consumption if you really want to be effective? Granted, I (hopefully like other rational thinking people in society) think you sound stupid if you propose to jail people for watching porn in the privacy of their homes and hotel rooms. Don't we have enough real criminals to pursue like rapists, drug dealers, murderers, robbers, etc.?
While we're talking about rapists, I see not a word on addressing rape culture. In fact, it seems this is just trying to shame women further and make the whole rape culture scene even more acceptable by putting blame on them for daring to be sexual beings vs. paragons above sex that men have to violate. Are we going to stop letting high school athletes and other "popular" guys get passes on raping women b/c of this status?
Finally, do the people of Utah seriously not consider anything else a public health hazard? What about those economic conditions I mentioned? That whole rape culture thing? The upcoming presidential election? Global warming? Children in bars? The existence of Thinkx underwear? SOMETHING! Anything? Does time just move slower there? I'm curious about this.
I really hope they're not using taxpayer dollars to make police officers deal with this shit unless they are arresting rapists and child traffickers or maybe some holier than thou types who shoot off their mouths with moral condemnation while doing zero to make the option they dislike no longer be appealing (religious/moral arguments aren't acceptable; most of us grew past "because I said so" as a justification for doing or not doing anything). One can only hope.
So, Prince died recently. Looks like a Prince themed wedding won't be happening without creating a soundtrack. The idea of one just sounds really cool to me. He's got a very diverse catalog and it feels like everyone's touting "Purple Rain" when he's got other great albums as well. "Let's Work" has to be one of the best dance songs ever. You hear that and can't help but move. I also like "Controversy" since that song's idea is still controversial in some circles. You have everything from controversial (I remember hearing one song about incest that makes "Darling Nikki" sound chaste; I think it was called "Sister") to sweet and back again & I'm not even familiar with the man's later work.
You have to respect Prince for never taking shit from others, doing his own thing & not giving a damn what anyone else had to say about who he was even if you disagree with every stance he ever took. He also started out in a far less accepting time period and likely had to deal with a lot of hassle on sexuality and his stage persona. Would YOU have been able to do that? Could you even do that today? I'm sure most people couldn't. He even went against his record company at the height of his popularity & got his own music back, which most people never do.
The man had haters a plenty so I wouldn't trust much about how he died unless I heard it in the results of an autopsy. Regardless of how he left, you can appreciate someone's work without condoning their actions as a human being. People still like Michael Jackson, you know. Lots of other people also had less than perfect personal lives and no one trashes their artistic legacy. I also don't know of him being a drug addict or doing something stupid to end his own life like some other people did (and their fans will bash you if you dare point that fact out). Just my two cents. Lots of major things going on in my life at this point so updates are less frequent here.
Here are my questions and concerns about this:
Why isn't this resolution addressing the reasons why people actually do porn in the first place? A big part of it is M-O-N-E-Y. Many people need money for things & don't have it. You're not going to pay law school tuition with a job at Wal-Mart. You can't even pay college tuition with the wages from that job. Being a porn actress could make economic sense for women in the short term. Not to mention the degrading and abusive working conditions of entry level crap jobs. I'm sure when you make the comparison, working in the porn industry has to be no worse (or maybe even better) than a job at Wal-Mart or McDonalds.
You never hear these holier than thou types bashing people who work in menial, dead end jobs like flipping burgers but will have a total cow about people doing porn, working as strippers or anything related to the adult industry despite the obvious economic advantage those people will enjoy. Those same judgmental types also never propose higher paying jobs to make porn a less attractive field to people who might be able to work in it. They NEVER address the high costs of getting an education. They NEVER address single parents trying to raise children and keep them housed and clothed. Do these asshole EVER offer to help those women so they don't have to work in the adult industry? In my experience, almost never.
What about the consumers of these products? If you can cut demand, there's no product. The porn industry suffered from the Internet making it possible for people to create homemade stuff for free. We don't hear about child porn so much yet that mess still goes on someplace, at least enough for cops to have steady work busting child porn rings. How about punishing people a little more harshly for consumption if you really want to be effective? Granted, I (hopefully like other rational thinking people in society) think you sound stupid if you propose to jail people for watching porn in the privacy of their homes and hotel rooms. Don't we have enough real criminals to pursue like rapists, drug dealers, murderers, robbers, etc.?
While we're talking about rapists, I see not a word on addressing rape culture. In fact, it seems this is just trying to shame women further and make the whole rape culture scene even more acceptable by putting blame on them for daring to be sexual beings vs. paragons above sex that men have to violate. Are we going to stop letting high school athletes and other "popular" guys get passes on raping women b/c of this status?
Finally, do the people of Utah seriously not consider anything else a public health hazard? What about those economic conditions I mentioned? That whole rape culture thing? The upcoming presidential election? Global warming? Children in bars? The existence of Thinkx underwear? SOMETHING! Anything? Does time just move slower there? I'm curious about this.
I really hope they're not using taxpayer dollars to make police officers deal with this shit unless they are arresting rapists and child traffickers or maybe some holier than thou types who shoot off their mouths with moral condemnation while doing zero to make the option they dislike no longer be appealing (religious/moral arguments aren't acceptable; most of us grew past "because I said so" as a justification for doing or not doing anything). One can only hope.
So, Prince died recently. Looks like a Prince themed wedding won't be happening without creating a soundtrack. The idea of one just sounds really cool to me. He's got a very diverse catalog and it feels like everyone's touting "Purple Rain" when he's got other great albums as well. "Let's Work" has to be one of the best dance songs ever. You hear that and can't help but move. I also like "Controversy" since that song's idea is still controversial in some circles. You have everything from controversial (I remember hearing one song about incest that makes "Darling Nikki" sound chaste; I think it was called "Sister") to sweet and back again & I'm not even familiar with the man's later work.
You have to respect Prince for never taking shit from others, doing his own thing & not giving a damn what anyone else had to say about who he was even if you disagree with every stance he ever took. He also started out in a far less accepting time period and likely had to deal with a lot of hassle on sexuality and his stage persona. Would YOU have been able to do that? Could you even do that today? I'm sure most people couldn't. He even went against his record company at the height of his popularity & got his own music back, which most people never do.
The man had haters a plenty so I wouldn't trust much about how he died unless I heard it in the results of an autopsy. Regardless of how he left, you can appreciate someone's work without condoning their actions as a human being. People still like Michael Jackson, you know. Lots of other people also had less than perfect personal lives and no one trashes their artistic legacy. I also don't know of him being a drug addict or doing something stupid to end his own life like some other people did (and their fans will bash you if you dare point that fact out). Just my two cents. Lots of major things going on in my life at this point so updates are less frequent here.
Sunday, April 17, 2016
Gangstas & Lawyers: Is The Gulf Between Them REALLY That Wide?
I know, I know. You're thinking "gangsta" and think people like Eminem or Ice-T or Dr. Dre or Tupac or other gangsta rappers who sold drugs, killed people, became pimps and other varied "gangsta" stuff. You're thinking "You'd want a guy like Eminem as an attorney?" If he were a criminal defense attorney & sober, yes you would.
The jailhouse lawyer, the guy (or woman) who's been incarcerated and has to learn about how to get himself out b/c (s)he can't afford his own attorney is probably the most bad ass & will put your Harvard Law grad to shame. That guy (or woman) knows about the real life implications of the criminal system, has seen the legal trickery played first hand AND fought a fight based on his/her personal interest. Your average sane attorney that I've encountered has some respect for the jailhouse lawyers since they had to learn the law without professors lecturing them through the Socratic Method. They had to self-teach; most of us can't even self study & pass the bar exam.
But let's go beyond criminal law. What skills do you need to be a good & powerful gangsta? You have to be ballsy, take risks, show respect for the leader/elder members/hierarchy in place, be somewhat blind to public opinion, know how to talk your way out of trouble and who you have to do favors for in order to keep yourself and your operations from being busted by the cops or getting shot up and such. You also don't start using your own stash or putting yourself in anything but a clear direction since you'd best be sharp at all times. Probably also helps you make sure you're not getting ripped off by a trusted associate or harmed while you're out of it; bad stuff always happens if you start taking the drugs you're selling or you get high and think it's a good idea to step out of line in whatever fashion.
Doesn't that sound an awful lot like the job of a litigation attorney, particularly a trial attorney? You have to show respect for the judge/court referee and court rules, not give a damn what anyone thinks of you as you present an argument for a client, finagle the law in the best way you can for that client and make the client happy so you don't get reported for ethics violations or sued or even murdered if your client doesn't like how you handled the case ("Cape Fear," anyone?).
As I see it, the only difference between a gangsta and an attorney is that the attorney knows the law & has a position of grudging respect with law enforcement. People think both have lots of money, I'd imagine there's a lot of stress in leading a criminal enterprise since you have to worry about people killing you or getting arrested. The stakes are a bit higher than they are for most attorneys (unless maybe you're Saul Goodman).
Most gangstas also didn't come from privilege or have silver spoons in their mouths at birth. They had to be smart and strategic to get where they were, did they not? They acted to survive. Someone who's got that sense of resourcefulness and pluck ought to be practicing law & advocating since they've been advocating for themselves and took a path lots of people wouldn't. Plus, they actually know what the struggle is like. If you didn't come from money & you were talking to someone who'd been like our well known gangsta rappers, you'd feel way more comfortable and like they understood your pain. It's a psychological fact that we are more comfortable with people who are more like us. The person who's not from money would be less likely to feel an attorney who also came from a poor background was going to patronize them vs. the attorney with a Gucci handbag and wearing some business suit worth as much as their yearly income. I think the former gangbanger or jailhouse lawyer is going to get a lot more information than the trust fund baby.
I was thinking "Now if you showed some of these really enterprising criminals prior to their life of crime that they could be applying their smarts & street savvy in a field where they'd have less direct threat of life and could still apply some of the gang lifestyle, how many might just become Saul Goodmans or very clever trial attorneys?" This is a special breed I'm talking about, the type who has business savvy & is merely there to make a buck vs. getting addicted to drugs, being a perma-lackey, or doing other stupid shit to detract from the business of dollars (whatever they do has a plan & a strategy behind it; it's not murder for murder's sake). These would be the people who look down on the lazy, short sighted types; I think ambitious people exist in all classes of society just like lazy fuckers exist in all classes of society. All races, all countries, I'm sure you will find the ambitious & business oriented types as well as the layabouts who wouldn't last a second running their own businesses.
Figuring out the difference is a skill but there's a difference & it is real. Sadly, gangs are probably more loyal to their members than many attorneys are to other attorneys. I was never in one so I can't say but I can tell you what I've seen and heard about the legal profession and what it's like to be a lawyer in it.
The jailhouse lawyer, the guy (or woman) who's been incarcerated and has to learn about how to get himself out b/c (s)he can't afford his own attorney is probably the most bad ass & will put your Harvard Law grad to shame. That guy (or woman) knows about the real life implications of the criminal system, has seen the legal trickery played first hand AND fought a fight based on his/her personal interest. Your average sane attorney that I've encountered has some respect for the jailhouse lawyers since they had to learn the law without professors lecturing them through the Socratic Method. They had to self-teach; most of us can't even self study & pass the bar exam.
But let's go beyond criminal law. What skills do you need to be a good & powerful gangsta? You have to be ballsy, take risks, show respect for the leader/elder members/hierarchy in place, be somewhat blind to public opinion, know how to talk your way out of trouble and who you have to do favors for in order to keep yourself and your operations from being busted by the cops or getting shot up and such. You also don't start using your own stash or putting yourself in anything but a clear direction since you'd best be sharp at all times. Probably also helps you make sure you're not getting ripped off by a trusted associate or harmed while you're out of it; bad stuff always happens if you start taking the drugs you're selling or you get high and think it's a good idea to step out of line in whatever fashion.
Doesn't that sound an awful lot like the job of a litigation attorney, particularly a trial attorney? You have to show respect for the judge/court referee and court rules, not give a damn what anyone thinks of you as you present an argument for a client, finagle the law in the best way you can for that client and make the client happy so you don't get reported for ethics violations or sued or even murdered if your client doesn't like how you handled the case ("Cape Fear," anyone?).
As I see it, the only difference between a gangsta and an attorney is that the attorney knows the law & has a position of grudging respect with law enforcement. People think both have lots of money, I'd imagine there's a lot of stress in leading a criminal enterprise since you have to worry about people killing you or getting arrested. The stakes are a bit higher than they are for most attorneys (unless maybe you're Saul Goodman).
Most gangstas also didn't come from privilege or have silver spoons in their mouths at birth. They had to be smart and strategic to get where they were, did they not? They acted to survive. Someone who's got that sense of resourcefulness and pluck ought to be practicing law & advocating since they've been advocating for themselves and took a path lots of people wouldn't. Plus, they actually know what the struggle is like. If you didn't come from money & you were talking to someone who'd been like our well known gangsta rappers, you'd feel way more comfortable and like they understood your pain. It's a psychological fact that we are more comfortable with people who are more like us. The person who's not from money would be less likely to feel an attorney who also came from a poor background was going to patronize them vs. the attorney with a Gucci handbag and wearing some business suit worth as much as their yearly income. I think the former gangbanger or jailhouse lawyer is going to get a lot more information than the trust fund baby.
I was thinking "Now if you showed some of these really enterprising criminals prior to their life of crime that they could be applying their smarts & street savvy in a field where they'd have less direct threat of life and could still apply some of the gang lifestyle, how many might just become Saul Goodmans or very clever trial attorneys?" This is a special breed I'm talking about, the type who has business savvy & is merely there to make a buck vs. getting addicted to drugs, being a perma-lackey, or doing other stupid shit to detract from the business of dollars (whatever they do has a plan & a strategy behind it; it's not murder for murder's sake). These would be the people who look down on the lazy, short sighted types; I think ambitious people exist in all classes of society just like lazy fuckers exist in all classes of society. All races, all countries, I'm sure you will find the ambitious & business oriented types as well as the layabouts who wouldn't last a second running their own businesses.
Figuring out the difference is a skill but there's a difference & it is real. Sadly, gangs are probably more loyal to their members than many attorneys are to other attorneys. I was never in one so I can't say but I can tell you what I've seen and heard about the legal profession and what it's like to be a lawyer in it.
Wednesday, April 6, 2016
Per Diem Life
If you're a new attorney, everyone wants experience before you can get hired anyplace. How do you get experience? One way is to do per diem work.
Being a per diem, as I've told people, is like being a relief pitcher in baseball. You're the relief attorney for a proceeding when the firm or attorney who has the case can't appear for whatever reason (appearances in other places, life circumstances like being sick or going on vacation, maybe even taking the day off to get badly needed sex; I don't ask questions). You get the necessary information from the attorney you're appearing for, show up to the court/site of the deposition or other place you're going for a legal matter and do what the attorney is asking you to do. Before I started doing it, I was told "it's really simple." Parts of it actually are. A lot of doing courthouse stuff is paperwork (kind of like doing transactional work); actually the practice of law in general involves lots of paperwork, which is why you have to be a detail oriented little cuss if you want to become or continue being a lawyer.
You also do lots of waiting. Sometimes you get out very early (like before 11 a.m. or even 10:30). Other days, you'll be there closer to 1:30 p.m. or even have to come back after the 1 o'clock lunch break. Bringing a book to read & a fully charged phone helps. Or you can see about saving books in iBooks and reading them on your iPhone (assuming you have one).
You also, it seems, have to be more of an extrovert than most attorneys are. Some cases require you to call out case names to find your opposing counsel. In my experience, you're not told what the opposing attorney looks like. No one tells them what you look like. You have to find the guy with your code, exchange your information, do what you came there for (if the judge approves, of course) and then you go home not to handle that matter again. It gets even more interesting if both sides have per diem attorneys covering for a case.
I wonder how people did this stuff before cell phones; I prefer it when people write down their numbers so you can text them. It's extremely effective; I highly encourage people to do it. This way, you are covered if you're doing multiple appearances in different places (which it seems many attorneys who go to court are doing).
They also never give you a manual on how to do this stuff. You have to wing it, rely on the kindness of other attorneys in the courts who know where they're going/what they're doing or ask the court staff (the security people especially are awesome & the court officers are good resources since they'll also keep you safe from the occasional unruly type). I actually created my own instruction manuals for navigating places I've been to so I know for next time what room a particular proceeding will be in or what room a judge is in. Taking pictures of posted directories for your knowledge is also good.
Let me also say if you don't have one, get an attorney secure pass if you're going to do court appearances. You'll spare yourself all the waiting in the security line (and those get really long sometimes).
Overall, it's actually a job with advantages. You actually do legal work (unlike in document review). You don't get micromanaged on things (not in my experience at least & I HATE micromanagers with a passion). You're almost never in the same place twice so you get to travel around quite a bit, meaning you will know geography and the public transit system a lot better. You work for yourself & apparently, if you do it right you can make a good living at it. You also get to network with people, see the legal system in action (though it's a far cry from television shows) and find out that you're not nearly as incompetent as you might have thought you were at first blush. Those acting skills can also come in handy, particularly if you've had improv training.
Maybe if you are bold, you can meet cute guys & try hitting on them. A few have hit on me in the course of this work, which I always find weird since it's not like I'm in makeup or some fashion show piece like I would be if I were modeling. If I were in lingerie or a bikini or something, I'd expect some dude would try hitting on me; that's part of being in the show & the performance aspect. I'm not expecting it in the courthouse when I'm in business attire (yes, I managed to find stylish business attire that was also professional for court; professional doesn't have to = frumpy & I'm always happy to see other fashionistas in court).
I'm a little shocked no one has told attorneys to use courts as pickup scenes. Plenty of mothers and older women have told their kids and younger women around them to try picking up guys at church. My mother even suggested that to me; however, I find it sleazy & disrespectful if you actually believe in that faith. Also, how do you know that guy is even devout? He could be doing the same thing, using church as a place to pick up women without actually being a member of the faith.
The idea of having lustful thoughts about someone when you're in church or court just creeps me out. How could do your work if you're over here thinking about hot some fellow attorney is? I don't expect guys to not have hormones (just like I'm not going to say I don't have them) but nobody wants to feel like they're being evaluated as a sex object when they are someplace to engage in a legitimate job. At least I could tell you about classy, proper ways to pick up women in that setting and ways that are tacky, insulting and plain creepy.
I guess in some ways looks can be an advantage in legal work (outside of entertainment where looks help nearly everyone); this is what I've heard but not sure I've actually seen it in practice yet. Perhaps I will sometime.
Being a per diem, as I've told people, is like being a relief pitcher in baseball. You're the relief attorney for a proceeding when the firm or attorney who has the case can't appear for whatever reason (appearances in other places, life circumstances like being sick or going on vacation, maybe even taking the day off to get badly needed sex; I don't ask questions). You get the necessary information from the attorney you're appearing for, show up to the court/site of the deposition or other place you're going for a legal matter and do what the attorney is asking you to do. Before I started doing it, I was told "it's really simple." Parts of it actually are. A lot of doing courthouse stuff is paperwork (kind of like doing transactional work); actually the practice of law in general involves lots of paperwork, which is why you have to be a detail oriented little cuss if you want to become or continue being a lawyer.
You also do lots of waiting. Sometimes you get out very early (like before 11 a.m. or even 10:30). Other days, you'll be there closer to 1:30 p.m. or even have to come back after the 1 o'clock lunch break. Bringing a book to read & a fully charged phone helps. Or you can see about saving books in iBooks and reading them on your iPhone (assuming you have one).
You also, it seems, have to be more of an extrovert than most attorneys are. Some cases require you to call out case names to find your opposing counsel. In my experience, you're not told what the opposing attorney looks like. No one tells them what you look like. You have to find the guy with your code, exchange your information, do what you came there for (if the judge approves, of course) and then you go home not to handle that matter again. It gets even more interesting if both sides have per diem attorneys covering for a case.
I wonder how people did this stuff before cell phones; I prefer it when people write down their numbers so you can text them. It's extremely effective; I highly encourage people to do it. This way, you are covered if you're doing multiple appearances in different places (which it seems many attorneys who go to court are doing).
They also never give you a manual on how to do this stuff. You have to wing it, rely on the kindness of other attorneys in the courts who know where they're going/what they're doing or ask the court staff (the security people especially are awesome & the court officers are good resources since they'll also keep you safe from the occasional unruly type). I actually created my own instruction manuals for navigating places I've been to so I know for next time what room a particular proceeding will be in or what room a judge is in. Taking pictures of posted directories for your knowledge is also good.
Let me also say if you don't have one, get an attorney secure pass if you're going to do court appearances. You'll spare yourself all the waiting in the security line (and those get really long sometimes).
Overall, it's actually a job with advantages. You actually do legal work (unlike in document review). You don't get micromanaged on things (not in my experience at least & I HATE micromanagers with a passion). You're almost never in the same place twice so you get to travel around quite a bit, meaning you will know geography and the public transit system a lot better. You work for yourself & apparently, if you do it right you can make a good living at it. You also get to network with people, see the legal system in action (though it's a far cry from television shows) and find out that you're not nearly as incompetent as you might have thought you were at first blush. Those acting skills can also come in handy, particularly if you've had improv training.
Maybe if you are bold, you can meet cute guys & try hitting on them. A few have hit on me in the course of this work, which I always find weird since it's not like I'm in makeup or some fashion show piece like I would be if I were modeling. If I were in lingerie or a bikini or something, I'd expect some dude would try hitting on me; that's part of being in the show & the performance aspect. I'm not expecting it in the courthouse when I'm in business attire (yes, I managed to find stylish business attire that was also professional for court; professional doesn't have to = frumpy & I'm always happy to see other fashionistas in court).
I'm a little shocked no one has told attorneys to use courts as pickup scenes. Plenty of mothers and older women have told their kids and younger women around them to try picking up guys at church. My mother even suggested that to me; however, I find it sleazy & disrespectful if you actually believe in that faith. Also, how do you know that guy is even devout? He could be doing the same thing, using church as a place to pick up women without actually being a member of the faith.
The idea of having lustful thoughts about someone when you're in church or court just creeps me out. How could do your work if you're over here thinking about hot some fellow attorney is? I don't expect guys to not have hormones (just like I'm not going to say I don't have them) but nobody wants to feel like they're being evaluated as a sex object when they are someplace to engage in a legitimate job. At least I could tell you about classy, proper ways to pick up women in that setting and ways that are tacky, insulting and plain creepy.
I guess in some ways looks can be an advantage in legal work (outside of entertainment where looks help nearly everyone); this is what I've heard but not sure I've actually seen it in practice yet. Perhaps I will sometime.
Tuesday, February 16, 2016
The Surreal Adventures of The Angry Redheaded Lawyer: “Embodi(ed)” by Girl Be Heard: An Educational, Humorous and Unforgettable Glimpse Into the World of Eating Disorders
I actually came to this show on Saturday night from a very different perspective. I have been modeling for the past couple years, known as a “pretty” girl for a long time but only started believing it more recently and have been skinny forever. I grew up with my own body issues but none of them pertained to weight (unless you want to count a friend asking in high school if I was anorexic and random people giving me flack for being a picky eater and not choosing to put things on my plate I didn't like). I work in the entertainment industry & have done more networking in this world of fashion through my legal and creative pursuits though I haven't gotten to a level where one might label me as part of the problem.
Despite my perspective being different, I found this a very entertaining and insightful show with a powerful message worth listening to. The ladies in this piece are extremely talented and clearly you can see the work and effort put into this show. The choreography was impressive and on point, the acting and the telling of stories was pitch perfect and you could tell these performers cared. Some of the highlights of this show are the skit on diet pills and the drugs they contain (for the first time, someone actually tells you WHY diet pills are bad in a clear, digestible way instead of giving a general “they're unhealthy for you” explanation that you see on most sitcoms), the routine using measuring tape, and the skit incorporating the slogan of Cover Girl: easy, breezy, beautiful Cover Girl.
This show deserves serious praise for diversity in casting since mainstream media typically portrays eating disorders as a white, straight girl problem. There were black women as well as lesbians speaking here so this was a far fuller picture of the issue than you'd ever see in the average presentation or venue. It also didn't feel like the company was saying “we're being diverse with these inclusions” but were telling these stories organically and sincerely. That is what true diversity is about.
I also like that while this is a subject generally considered a downer & controversial, the company managed to present its message with humor, class, dignity and without taking away from the seriousness; they even ended this show on a more hopeful, happier note than you might have expected going in. In the talkback after the show, we learned that the company all wrote this show together and oftentimes the woman who did the monologue actually wrote it herself.
Having dealt with people skinny shaming me and others I know, I think it's worth mentioning that while this show is quite direct and graphic when it comes to confronting the media's image of the “perfect” girl and what we should aspire to be as women it never said that being a model or fitting that ideal is a bad thing if you look that way naturally. I did not see a single shred of skinny hatred or the proclamation of “real women” being used to bash women like myself who did nothing to get where they are and have no reason to start conflict with others for not being thin.
Girl Be Heard will be performing this show on Saturday, February 20th at 2 and 7 pm. If you'd like to find out more about Girl Be Heard or get involved in their endeavors on eating disorders or other subjects, you can contact them at girlbeheard@girlbeheard.org
They also can be found on Facebook, Twitter, You Tube and Instagram (GirlBeHeard).
Despite my perspective being different, I found this a very entertaining and insightful show with a powerful message worth listening to. The ladies in this piece are extremely talented and clearly you can see the work and effort put into this show. The choreography was impressive and on point, the acting and the telling of stories was pitch perfect and you could tell these performers cared. Some of the highlights of this show are the skit on diet pills and the drugs they contain (for the first time, someone actually tells you WHY diet pills are bad in a clear, digestible way instead of giving a general “they're unhealthy for you” explanation that you see on most sitcoms), the routine using measuring tape, and the skit incorporating the slogan of Cover Girl: easy, breezy, beautiful Cover Girl.
This show deserves serious praise for diversity in casting since mainstream media typically portrays eating disorders as a white, straight girl problem. There were black women as well as lesbians speaking here so this was a far fuller picture of the issue than you'd ever see in the average presentation or venue. It also didn't feel like the company was saying “we're being diverse with these inclusions” but were telling these stories organically and sincerely. That is what true diversity is about.
I also like that while this is a subject generally considered a downer & controversial, the company managed to present its message with humor, class, dignity and without taking away from the seriousness; they even ended this show on a more hopeful, happier note than you might have expected going in. In the talkback after the show, we learned that the company all wrote this show together and oftentimes the woman who did the monologue actually wrote it herself.
Having dealt with people skinny shaming me and others I know, I think it's worth mentioning that while this show is quite direct and graphic when it comes to confronting the media's image of the “perfect” girl and what we should aspire to be as women it never said that being a model or fitting that ideal is a bad thing if you look that way naturally. I did not see a single shred of skinny hatred or the proclamation of “real women” being used to bash women like myself who did nothing to get where they are and have no reason to start conflict with others for not being thin.
Girl Be Heard will be performing this show on Saturday, February 20th at 2 and 7 pm. If you'd like to find out more about Girl Be Heard or get involved in their endeavors on eating disorders or other subjects, you can contact them at girlbeheard@girlbeheard.org
They also can be found on Facebook, Twitter, You Tube and Instagram (GirlBeHeard).
Monday, February 15, 2016
Another "Am I Getting Old" Query; Guys Skipping Drinks & Telling Girls to "Come Over" Sight Unseen
So being divorced & looking like me, you can imagine I get asked out a lot. Now having been out of the market for a while it's certainly possible trends pass you by and the rules change. Think of your typical movie or sitcom when someone's just gotten out of a long term relationship (dead spouse, divorce, whatever) and someone more "hip" to the dating scene advises the newly single character about it.
One of the biggest things I've seen & rules instilled into me concerning online dating or interactions online in general is "Never meet a potential date for the first time in their home." Countless stories abound about women in particular going to meet someone after responding to a job ad or a personals ad or talking to someone on an online dating site and ended up being kidnapped, raped, sold into prostitution, murdered or whatever bad thing you can imagine. E!, 20-20 and plenty of media outlets have covered stories on these things for a good 20 years or so.
With the constant drumbeat of "strangers are scary" and "don't be off by yourself with total strangers," I'm puzzled by guys who tell women to "come over" when they've been corresponding with them online and want to meet them. Hello, you forgot something. What about "getting drinks" in a public setting? "Grabbing dinner?" "Getting coffee?" SOMETHING??!?!?!
Men pulling this shit, let me tell you how that sounds to women. Women (at least those with half a brain) hear: "I think you're a booty call or a sex toy I can pull out at will, not a human being with feelings or a life. I will never take you out in the light of day because you aren't worth it."
Do you know what type of women come to your house sight unseen to fuck you? Call girls!!! There's a business around that practice. Essentially another form of prostitution. Call girls cost money. They aren't running a charity operation.
Smart, higher class call girls (the category an educated woman would fall into if she were doing it as a profession) don't show up to your doorstep without being vetted. They usually have agencies to verify the guy is not a cop, serial killer and so forth.
Call girls & prostitutes also have pimps to protect them from men who lure them into gang rape situations, kidnappings, physical assault, etc. Women who don't charge you money for that don't have pimps.
Now if you want to be a call girl & it's not illegal where you are, go right ahead. Otherwise, you're playing with fire & you could end up in jail. We'll save the legal debates & morality of safety or not for another day.
Here's why asking women you talk to on dating sites about that is a bad idea:
1. Sane women with some self-esteem will think you are labeling them as call girls or hookers. They will find it offensive. Women from certain backgrounds will definitely not talk to you. You want a nice, Christian girl you can take home to Mama? She's not going to pop up at your house with no date or public meeting beforehand. She'll be done with you the minute you ask her to "come over." I'm sure Jewish, Muslim, Catholic and girls from other religious backgrounds would concur.
2. How do you know the women you're talking to are who they say they are? You can lie very easily online. For all you know, that hot blonde could be a 60 year old sweaty, fat guy who just got out of jail & has a real craving for young, hard bodied dick.
You could also end up with some ugly fat woman who could be Hillary Clinton's twin. That'll really turn you on, won't it?
Or she could be a 15 year old crack whore. Or she could be another Alieen Wuornos (look her up if you don't know who she is) or a wild dick chopper. You ever hear about the Craig's List Killer? People can hide shit very easily through e-mail and text and dating sites.
3. You've set the tone for future interactions. It's not "I'll take you out and treat you as a lady." Most women don't want to be a booty call or a sex toy, no matter what they tell you. They want you to show them respect and do nice stuff for them with a pure heart, not a selfish quid pro quo intent.
4. Women will assume you have no sisters, mothers, aunts, cousins, nieces, or female friends & if you do, you don't give a damn about them. If your sister met a guy & he told her to "come over," would you be okay with that?
Would you be okay with your female friends or your mother serving as the sex delivery girl to some strange guy? A trillion dollars says you'd be infuriated at the guy asking some female you cared about such a thing. I have my own male friends & I'm sure if I told them some guy asked me that, they'd not like you very much either.
Then why is it okay for you to ask some random woman that if you'd not like that being asked of YOUR female loved ones?
5. The world isn't Tinder. Some people don't use Tinder b/c they aren't looking for "wham bam thank you ma'am" to never hear from that guy again. Personally, if I had a good time with a guy I'd want to do it again. I find the one night stand stuff offensive since that's insulting my sexual technique & telling me I'm not that good in bed. I've been told I think like a guy so if I'm saying this, imagine how your average woman feels about it.
I've heard guys actually debate women on caring about their personal safety, including professional types. I think it would serve them right to invite a chick over & she chops their heads off with a machete. Bet you'd not be insulting strange women again once your buddy had his head chopped off with a sword like in Highlander. You'd definitely think twice if a recently released convict showed up on your doorstep instead of some blonde model you expected.
As I understand the world of dating, you set up a first meeting in a public place for dinner/drinks/coffee/whatever you want. You meet in person, make sure who you're talking to is who shows up, verify no one is a criminal, have conversation, see what sort of vibes you get, maybe engage in some physical contact like kissing THEN decide if you're going back to anyone's place. THEN maybe you'll have sex.
I find the above reasonable. You're in a neutral zone. Everyone concerned is making an informed decision and engaging in any future sexual acts on their own consent (presuming no one was drugged & everyone's still sober or at least not blackout drunk). I don't drink so I'd be making that choice sober and with my full mental faculties. There's an option to leave, say "I'm not interested" and go on your merry way.
If you go to some guy's house, he could try trapping you unless you give him what he wants. Women have gotten raped that way. Who saw you there? If something happened to you, who's going to say they saw you, heard you, how long you were there, etc. Maybe a neighbor or if you're lucky, there's a doorman. Lots of buildings don't have them. No sign in sheets, no security, nothing.
In a restaurant or a bar or lounge, there are employees and patrons who'll likely see things, tell the police if it looked like you were being coerced, maybe security cam footage to show if people were in their right minds when they left, etc. They are less likely to fear retribution from some random bar customer vs. the neighbor or security people having to fear reprisal from someone who might be the head of the co-op board or will make their lives hell in some way that they can't just ban or get away from easily.
So do you want women to think you're a rapist, a cheapskate, a sexist, a man who insults their intelligence (which I particularly hate), a sexist or a creepy pervert? None of those are a good look.
Ladies, if you are engaging in hookups by never having a first meeting in public & being a sex delivery girl you are doing it wrong unless you are collecting call girl money and getting call girl vetting done for you complete with a call girl pimp for protection.
You are also fucking it up for all the "nice" girls and the women who might consider these dudes if these dudes didn't have unrealistic expectations of actual women. When these jerkbags get onto sites that aren't Tinder, you're really messing things up for those daters. Not everyone wants to be on Tinder or deal with that scene.
I also wonder if they're fucking things up for certain demographics of call girls. Don't they have enough shit to deal with already? Must you also put them out of business?
Oddly enough, I have a review coming up & this subject somewhat relates to it.
One of the biggest things I've seen & rules instilled into me concerning online dating or interactions online in general is "Never meet a potential date for the first time in their home." Countless stories abound about women in particular going to meet someone after responding to a job ad or a personals ad or talking to someone on an online dating site and ended up being kidnapped, raped, sold into prostitution, murdered or whatever bad thing you can imagine. E!, 20-20 and plenty of media outlets have covered stories on these things for a good 20 years or so.
With the constant drumbeat of "strangers are scary" and "don't be off by yourself with total strangers," I'm puzzled by guys who tell women to "come over" when they've been corresponding with them online and want to meet them. Hello, you forgot something. What about "getting drinks" in a public setting? "Grabbing dinner?" "Getting coffee?" SOMETHING??!?!?!
Men pulling this shit, let me tell you how that sounds to women. Women (at least those with half a brain) hear: "I think you're a booty call or a sex toy I can pull out at will, not a human being with feelings or a life. I will never take you out in the light of day because you aren't worth it."
Do you know what type of women come to your house sight unseen to fuck you? Call girls!!! There's a business around that practice. Essentially another form of prostitution. Call girls cost money. They aren't running a charity operation.
Smart, higher class call girls (the category an educated woman would fall into if she were doing it as a profession) don't show up to your doorstep without being vetted. They usually have agencies to verify the guy is not a cop, serial killer and so forth.
Call girls & prostitutes also have pimps to protect them from men who lure them into gang rape situations, kidnappings, physical assault, etc. Women who don't charge you money for that don't have pimps.
Now if you want to be a call girl & it's not illegal where you are, go right ahead. Otherwise, you're playing with fire & you could end up in jail. We'll save the legal debates & morality of safety or not for another day.
Here's why asking women you talk to on dating sites about that is a bad idea:
1. Sane women with some self-esteem will think you are labeling them as call girls or hookers. They will find it offensive. Women from certain backgrounds will definitely not talk to you. You want a nice, Christian girl you can take home to Mama? She's not going to pop up at your house with no date or public meeting beforehand. She'll be done with you the minute you ask her to "come over." I'm sure Jewish, Muslim, Catholic and girls from other religious backgrounds would concur.
2. How do you know the women you're talking to are who they say they are? You can lie very easily online. For all you know, that hot blonde could be a 60 year old sweaty, fat guy who just got out of jail & has a real craving for young, hard bodied dick.
You could also end up with some ugly fat woman who could be Hillary Clinton's twin. That'll really turn you on, won't it?
Or she could be a 15 year old crack whore. Or she could be another Alieen Wuornos (look her up if you don't know who she is) or a wild dick chopper. You ever hear about the Craig's List Killer? People can hide shit very easily through e-mail and text and dating sites.
3. You've set the tone for future interactions. It's not "I'll take you out and treat you as a lady." Most women don't want to be a booty call or a sex toy, no matter what they tell you. They want you to show them respect and do nice stuff for them with a pure heart, not a selfish quid pro quo intent.
4. Women will assume you have no sisters, mothers, aunts, cousins, nieces, or female friends & if you do, you don't give a damn about them. If your sister met a guy & he told her to "come over," would you be okay with that?
Would you be okay with your female friends or your mother serving as the sex delivery girl to some strange guy? A trillion dollars says you'd be infuriated at the guy asking some female you cared about such a thing. I have my own male friends & I'm sure if I told them some guy asked me that, they'd not like you very much either.
Then why is it okay for you to ask some random woman that if you'd not like that being asked of YOUR female loved ones?
5. The world isn't Tinder. Some people don't use Tinder b/c they aren't looking for "wham bam thank you ma'am" to never hear from that guy again. Personally, if I had a good time with a guy I'd want to do it again. I find the one night stand stuff offensive since that's insulting my sexual technique & telling me I'm not that good in bed. I've been told I think like a guy so if I'm saying this, imagine how your average woman feels about it.
I've heard guys actually debate women on caring about their personal safety, including professional types. I think it would serve them right to invite a chick over & she chops their heads off with a machete. Bet you'd not be insulting strange women again once your buddy had his head chopped off with a sword like in Highlander. You'd definitely think twice if a recently released convict showed up on your doorstep instead of some blonde model you expected.
As I understand the world of dating, you set up a first meeting in a public place for dinner/drinks/coffee/whatever you want. You meet in person, make sure who you're talking to is who shows up, verify no one is a criminal, have conversation, see what sort of vibes you get, maybe engage in some physical contact like kissing THEN decide if you're going back to anyone's place. THEN maybe you'll have sex.
I find the above reasonable. You're in a neutral zone. Everyone concerned is making an informed decision and engaging in any future sexual acts on their own consent (presuming no one was drugged & everyone's still sober or at least not blackout drunk). I don't drink so I'd be making that choice sober and with my full mental faculties. There's an option to leave, say "I'm not interested" and go on your merry way.
If you go to some guy's house, he could try trapping you unless you give him what he wants. Women have gotten raped that way. Who saw you there? If something happened to you, who's going to say they saw you, heard you, how long you were there, etc. Maybe a neighbor or if you're lucky, there's a doorman. Lots of buildings don't have them. No sign in sheets, no security, nothing.
In a restaurant or a bar or lounge, there are employees and patrons who'll likely see things, tell the police if it looked like you were being coerced, maybe security cam footage to show if people were in their right minds when they left, etc. They are less likely to fear retribution from some random bar customer vs. the neighbor or security people having to fear reprisal from someone who might be the head of the co-op board or will make their lives hell in some way that they can't just ban or get away from easily.
So do you want women to think you're a rapist, a cheapskate, a sexist, a man who insults their intelligence (which I particularly hate), a sexist or a creepy pervert? None of those are a good look.
Ladies, if you are engaging in hookups by never having a first meeting in public & being a sex delivery girl you are doing it wrong unless you are collecting call girl money and getting call girl vetting done for you complete with a call girl pimp for protection.
You are also fucking it up for all the "nice" girls and the women who might consider these dudes if these dudes didn't have unrealistic expectations of actual women. When these jerkbags get onto sites that aren't Tinder, you're really messing things up for those daters. Not everyone wants to be on Tinder or deal with that scene.
I also wonder if they're fucking things up for certain demographics of call girls. Don't they have enough shit to deal with already? Must you also put them out of business?
Oddly enough, I have a review coming up & this subject somewhat relates to it.
Why Politics Suck in a Very Short Entry (At Least for Me)
I recently went to a program called "How to Get on the Ballot in NYC" that was one of the rare free programs at the NYC Bar Association. There were people involved with the whole Board of Elections process and how you get yourself on the ballot for anything. My takeaway from it was the precise answers why politics suck & you see a lot of lawyers involved in it. Here goes:
1. The petition process involves not regular attention to detail but an exacting standard just about everyone outside the legal profession would be hopelessly inept at trying to figure out if they didn't already know how to do it or have some political guru on their team already.
2. So this means you need friends in law & politics; your average poor person or lower middle class type shuns those in law with such knowledge (mostly attorneys) as elitist assholes. I wouldn't know with certainty how they view politicians and those working in that area but I'd imagine their views of those people aren't much better. Shunning people will not inspire them to help you.
3. You need trustworthy friends if you're going to run for office. I don't think most people have that. If they do, eventually their charity will come to an end & they will be haphazard even if they are those detail oriented types I mentioned above.
4. MONEY, the biggest problem of them all. You need money to run for public office, maybe pay a campaign staff, advertise, etc.
To get money, you either have to be rich already OR you have to suck up to one of the establishment parties. That requires you becoming their slave once you're in office & being beholden to them to pass legislation that's going to help them, not your constituents.
Add all this together & you get a bunch of representatives who are completely out of touch with the average poor & middle class person. Since statistically speaking, minorities are less likely to be rich, educated and have lawyer/political friends you also get fewer people who know about the experience of minorities and have real qualification to actually help them.
Laws get passed affecting the poor & middle classes that these morons know zip about or perfectly well know about but are slaves to their big money donors (remember, you've got to pay back those campaign contributors somehow).
The ones who know zip about those experiences refuse to educate themselves on the experiences of rape victims, people of color, recipients of public assistance, just about anything they've never lived and will likely never actually experience in their lifetimes. They, as many attorneys, are just too fucking arrogant to say "I need help here. I don't know how to do this/I don't have sufficient information to decide on this. Will you enlighten me?"
Big law firms, where many of these attorneys spring from, don't encourage attorneys to ask for help & even threaten their jobs if they show any hint of weakness or lack of knowledge on something. They aren't okay with you asking for help; they expect you to be an expert on everything even if you're just faking it.
5. So that ties into arrogance, bred from the experience of being an attorney with any financial means to get into public office.
Then, there's 6. Loss of privacy is mandatory to go into public office. This requires a person to be a full on narcissist in order to do the job rather than have any concern for the public trust or helping people vs. donors and the establishment.
Now I've told you why politics sucks. How do we fix it? You tell me. These are the reasons I'm pulling for either Trump or Sanders. They defy this formula in different ways, particularly in not being beholden to big money donors.
1. The petition process involves not regular attention to detail but an exacting standard just about everyone outside the legal profession would be hopelessly inept at trying to figure out if they didn't already know how to do it or have some political guru on their team already.
2. So this means you need friends in law & politics; your average poor person or lower middle class type shuns those in law with such knowledge (mostly attorneys) as elitist assholes. I wouldn't know with certainty how they view politicians and those working in that area but I'd imagine their views of those people aren't much better. Shunning people will not inspire them to help you.
3. You need trustworthy friends if you're going to run for office. I don't think most people have that. If they do, eventually their charity will come to an end & they will be haphazard even if they are those detail oriented types I mentioned above.
4. MONEY, the biggest problem of them all. You need money to run for public office, maybe pay a campaign staff, advertise, etc.
To get money, you either have to be rich already OR you have to suck up to one of the establishment parties. That requires you becoming their slave once you're in office & being beholden to them to pass legislation that's going to help them, not your constituents.
Add all this together & you get a bunch of representatives who are completely out of touch with the average poor & middle class person. Since statistically speaking, minorities are less likely to be rich, educated and have lawyer/political friends you also get fewer people who know about the experience of minorities and have real qualification to actually help them.
Laws get passed affecting the poor & middle classes that these morons know zip about or perfectly well know about but are slaves to their big money donors (remember, you've got to pay back those campaign contributors somehow).
The ones who know zip about those experiences refuse to educate themselves on the experiences of rape victims, people of color, recipients of public assistance, just about anything they've never lived and will likely never actually experience in their lifetimes. They, as many attorneys, are just too fucking arrogant to say "I need help here. I don't know how to do this/I don't have sufficient information to decide on this. Will you enlighten me?"
Big law firms, where many of these attorneys spring from, don't encourage attorneys to ask for help & even threaten their jobs if they show any hint of weakness or lack of knowledge on something. They aren't okay with you asking for help; they expect you to be an expert on everything even if you're just faking it.
5. So that ties into arrogance, bred from the experience of being an attorney with any financial means to get into public office.
Then, there's 6. Loss of privacy is mandatory to go into public office. This requires a person to be a full on narcissist in order to do the job rather than have any concern for the public trust or helping people vs. donors and the establishment.
Now I've told you why politics sucks. How do we fix it? You tell me. These are the reasons I'm pulling for either Trump or Sanders. They defy this formula in different ways, particularly in not being beholden to big money donors.
Friday, January 29, 2016
The Oscars "Controversy" & Dating Preferences
So by now everyone's heard about the #OscarsSoWhite controversy & Jada Pinkett Smith's involvement there. I'm not going to post links to the story because there would be way too many and you'd entirely miss my point. For those living under a rock, the basic "controversy" is that there are no black actor or actress nominees for Oscars this year nor were there any last year. Apparently, Will Smith was in a movie this year & didn't get a nomination so Jada Pinkett Smith (his wife) decides to throw a hissy fit to the media and call for a boycott b/c of it, claiming that there's no "diversity" in Hollywood.
Here are my thoughts:
1. Yes, there's a big, massive problem with diversity in mainstream Hollywood that is ridiculous in 2016. However, that's not just a black problem. That's a woman problem, a gay problem, a natural redhead problem, an Asian problem, a Latino problem, a Native American problem & just about any other minority group you can name.
Yet I don't hear Ms. Pinkett Smith saying a word about them, not even women & the sexism they have to endure (which is still true today as verified by someone I met recently who works in that side of the industry & has for a long time). Surely she's lived sexism alongside racism.
I sort of live for discussion on racism since I grew up in NC, am more minority than almost everyone else (unless they also have naturally red hair & don't have pale skin; they should get more latitude than nearly all of us since they've surely dealt with far more harassment and conflict than anyone else) & have directly cited things going on today that black people aren't dealing with and that haven't gotten the massive outcry that would have resulted if directed toward black people.
For instance, natural redheads get branded as "ugly." One actress told me that years back The Millionaire Matchmaker said this of natural redheads & how we should be lucky to get any guy to go out with us. I also heard something recently about some media story calling us "ugly." There was also "Kick a Ginger Day" in this century. Nary a peep of outrage on either issue. If that happened to black people today, how loud do you think the backlash would be? I made these points to some more "we're being oppressed" types in general comment boards on various topics.
Most of my friends growing up were black or part of some other minority group since they were the people who were nice to me & made me feel welcome as a quiet, shy kid while many of the white kids bullied me & sure didn't view me as one of them. I think it's an understanding of knowing what it's like to be different & getting commentary of some sort about it. I had some great debates with people in college on the subject, which became a huge issue since my school had far more racism than I expected when I accepted admission there. I'm most certainly not a "there's no racism anymore" type but I also know a thing or two about demanding equality vs. demanding special privileges.
Why is there no word about all these other groups? Is it just black people who deserve special treatment? I think millions would disagree & be appalled at that notion. Nobody likes to get stepped on for someone else to get special treatment but any decent person thinks everyone deserves a fair, equal chance at opportunity. I think equality can be achieved without stomping on people to get there just like you can be gorgeous & get a hot guy without murdering all the hot girls in your city or messing with their lives.
2. Independent film has had "diversity" since its existence. In fact, the reason independent film exists in the first place is because talented filmmakers, actors, and so forth felt they didn't have a voice or a place and said "Fuck you, Hollywood & your studio system! We'll do our own projects." If you bother to see independent films, you will find lots of stories presenting new ideas, environments, relationship structures, even (gasp!) diverse casting.
Furthermore, you'll find projects where race isn't an issue at all. It's never discussed. I can cite one of my own company's films as an example: Cookies & Cream. Go check out the website. Go see the movie. I have. You'll notice this movie does not talk about people's racial backgrounds or make that the focal point of the film. In that world, people simply exist. The main character's parents are a mixed race couple; all you see in those interactions are two people who are married & love their daughter as well as one another. No one is making a thing of "I'm this race."
THAT is diversity, darlings. That is an example of the diversity Hollywood and mainstream society should be striving for. Where a minority of any type is present and not being a stereotype or a militant. They are just present; no big deal. NYC is like this in many corners in real life. Why aren't we seeing that in film?
You'll see that in indie film. They aren't even the only example of this "diversity" but you'll have to see the movie yourself.
It seems Spike Lee is also boycotting. The difference b/t Spike Lee & Jada Pinkett Smith is Spike Lee has been discussing race and racism for decades. He's been doing diverse projects of his own for a long time. Our company likes him; he even gave us a Twitter shoutout once. Spike Lee also strikes me a man with principles who'd not just throw a hissy fit b/c his significant other didn't get nominated for an award. He's been looking at indie film & putting his money where his mouth is. He's tried being the change he'd like to see.
Where's Jada Pinkett Smith's contribution? Whose films has she funded? Why they hell isn't she investing in MY company's projects or in some other filmmaker or indie film company that's not nationally known in order to get the projects she'd like to see? Maybe if she'd open her pocketbook instead of pitching little hissy fits, the film she financed might end up being eligible for Oscar nominations. Perhaps she could even star in some indie film project & ensure that it gets eligible for consideration for the Oscars so she could herself get nominated.
Halle Berry personally financed Introducing Dorothy Dandridge b/c she said she felt that story should be told & believed in it that much. Jada Pinkett Smith is not in the poor house from what I know. She's not living with parents or roommates in a small apartment or dealing with roaches or menial jobs like a lot of unknowns do & still manage to create despite those struggles.
Sorry, but you don't get to bitch about lack of diversity when you aren't doing anything yourself to change or solve that problem when you damn well could. If she were doing what Spike Lee has been doing over decades, I could give her credit. If she were out scouting for unknown black filmmakers or producers or companies with a major black ownership/voice, that would be different. People would take her far more seriously. I think sane people do take Spike Lee seriously on this subject since as I said, he strikes me as a man of principle.
All these other people wanting to join this boycott who aren't putting their millions into indie film projects or creating the works they want to see, same goes for you. Where's YOUR contribution to increasing diversity for anyone? Until you've made one (and not giving money to someone like Tyler Perry but an unknown who creates truly diverse material, not necessarily my company), you need to keep your mouth shut.
It's the same thing as complaining about where you are in life while doing zero to improve yourself. Not getting an education, not making friends, not networking with people who have been down the path you're trying to go, not researching where you want to live, etc. My ex-husband was just like that in complaining about his job; he never appreciated the fact that he was pretty much layoff proof & most people didn't have that job security. Nor did he bother to network with people doing the job he wanted to do or even have a clue what it was that he wanted to do (except maybe leech off me).
Plus with me, talk is cheap. Action counts with me. In fact, action counts a lot for me.
I actually thought of an episode of A Different World & a scene with Jada Pinkett Smith's character, Lena James. For those of you who never saw A Different World, it was genius at times. Their episode on a confrontation with white students from a rival sports team was brilliant & it didn't end with the black characters being 100% right. Lena was a very pro-black, somewhat militant character who was very much a "damn the man" type.
In the episode I thought of, all the students are coming back and Freddie now looks more professional vs. her hippy child look that she'd had for the bulk of the show. Lena calls her a sellout. Freddie tells her that she's adopting a professional look b/c she's in law school & trying to infiltrate the system so it can be fixed from within. That way, when Lena "finally decides to start walking some of this talk" it will be Freddie keeping Lena out of jail. Basically, Freddie called Lena out on her comment.
It felt like art was imitating real life with this whole controversy.
3. Please refrain from using slavery as a justification for reform. Use police brutality, the neglect causing the lead water in Flint, voting laws, segregation if you're old enough to have lived it, redlining, things you personally have lived and suffered discrimination from.
Address your gripe at the 1% if you want to complain about slavery since those people's ancestors were most likely slaveowners. I can assure you my family didn't since they've been poor forever. My mom said our ancestors were probably working those same fields alongside the slaves. I do know we had ancestors who dodged the draft for the Civil War so I don't think they were exactly pro-slavery or states rights or holding up the Confederacy. If there were any KKK members in my family, we never talked to them or associated with them. Plenty of people will join you if you want to stick it to the 1%; if you want to stick it to abusive cops and law enforcement & address police brutality as an issue for all poor people (my own father was falsely arrested & went though a nasty ordeal with the police shortly after my sister's first husband died that I felt was exploitation of a grieving family), you will get allies there as well. If you want to address poverty & class issues as a global issue (as in all races, not just one), again you'll get a lot of allies.
I know I don't listen to people who whine about things they never lived & find it disrespectful to do that. Slavery has also been illegal for quite sometime. You're not finding opportunity; hey, other poor people in general have the same problems. I know black people who are professionals in their fields so very much possible to advance in life if you really have motivation to do it. That's something you have to have for yourself, not expect others to give you.
So in the midst of all this, I think about the dating world. Most people don't give you attitude or call you a racist, fat shamer, xenophobe, etc. if you say "I don't date XYZ group." At least I've found this true in conversations with people individually. You're not expected to manufacture attraction for a group you're not interested in.
But in this PC obsessed world, I wonder how far we are from people saying "I don't want to date fat people" and getting crucified as fat shamers or women saying "I don't want to date a Muslim" and getting branded as bigoted or saying "I don't want to date black people" and getting called a racist.
Though I'd think some people who want to date their own race or religion would thank you for not trying to go after their dating pool. I saw Waiting to Exhale (a great film that I think all women can relate to, not just black women) & one character who is going through a divorce finds her husband is cheating and is more indignant that it's with his white secretary. She's extremely focused on his leaving her for this white woman & views his cheating with a white woman as even worse. Personally, I will never be that white woman since I like + respect my black female friends & my romantic interests lie elsewhere. While most of the white boys were calling me "ugly" and being mean to me, some of the black boys (along with black girls) in my classes showed me friendship and basic human respect.
If you're a guy, you're better off being my friend if you want to be in my life for an appreciable period of time. My relationships usually end with "you are dead to me" (though I've never actually said that to an ex; it's more figurative).
If you're not a redhead, you can date all the redhaired guys you want & will never upset me. I'm not attracted to them either since I don't want to date someone everybody thinks is my brother. Plus, I know I'd have to check and make sure that guy wasn't related to me since my family isn't all that close & we have relatives all over the place we don't talk to and have never met.
I feel like if you're a woman and you say stuff like "I won't date a XYZ guy," you'll get some guy who brands you a racist or a xenophobe despite realities about the person's cultural background or your own personal preferences. I, like hopefully the rest of the civilized world, think there's a difference between who you do business with or who you'll be friends with or who you'll be polite to on the subway vs. who you'll commingle sex organs with. One must wonder if the PC police is trying to dictate who people commingle their sex organs with (or kiss/have foreplay/coitus with, if you prefer). When you think about it that way, they're just as bad as the God botherers don't you think? They also want to control your bedroom. Don't ever allow that if you're an adult & there's consent among the participants.
And now it's time for some (hopefully) yummy leftovers.
Here are my thoughts:
1. Yes, there's a big, massive problem with diversity in mainstream Hollywood that is ridiculous in 2016. However, that's not just a black problem. That's a woman problem, a gay problem, a natural redhead problem, an Asian problem, a Latino problem, a Native American problem & just about any other minority group you can name.
Yet I don't hear Ms. Pinkett Smith saying a word about them, not even women & the sexism they have to endure (which is still true today as verified by someone I met recently who works in that side of the industry & has for a long time). Surely she's lived sexism alongside racism.
I sort of live for discussion on racism since I grew up in NC, am more minority than almost everyone else (unless they also have naturally red hair & don't have pale skin; they should get more latitude than nearly all of us since they've surely dealt with far more harassment and conflict than anyone else) & have directly cited things going on today that black people aren't dealing with and that haven't gotten the massive outcry that would have resulted if directed toward black people.
For instance, natural redheads get branded as "ugly." One actress told me that years back The Millionaire Matchmaker said this of natural redheads & how we should be lucky to get any guy to go out with us. I also heard something recently about some media story calling us "ugly." There was also "Kick a Ginger Day" in this century. Nary a peep of outrage on either issue. If that happened to black people today, how loud do you think the backlash would be? I made these points to some more "we're being oppressed" types in general comment boards on various topics.
Most of my friends growing up were black or part of some other minority group since they were the people who were nice to me & made me feel welcome as a quiet, shy kid while many of the white kids bullied me & sure didn't view me as one of them. I think it's an understanding of knowing what it's like to be different & getting commentary of some sort about it. I had some great debates with people in college on the subject, which became a huge issue since my school had far more racism than I expected when I accepted admission there. I'm most certainly not a "there's no racism anymore" type but I also know a thing or two about demanding equality vs. demanding special privileges.
Why is there no word about all these other groups? Is it just black people who deserve special treatment? I think millions would disagree & be appalled at that notion. Nobody likes to get stepped on for someone else to get special treatment but any decent person thinks everyone deserves a fair, equal chance at opportunity. I think equality can be achieved without stomping on people to get there just like you can be gorgeous & get a hot guy without murdering all the hot girls in your city or messing with their lives.
2. Independent film has had "diversity" since its existence. In fact, the reason independent film exists in the first place is because talented filmmakers, actors, and so forth felt they didn't have a voice or a place and said "Fuck you, Hollywood & your studio system! We'll do our own projects." If you bother to see independent films, you will find lots of stories presenting new ideas, environments, relationship structures, even (gasp!) diverse casting.
Furthermore, you'll find projects where race isn't an issue at all. It's never discussed. I can cite one of my own company's films as an example: Cookies & Cream. Go check out the website. Go see the movie. I have. You'll notice this movie does not talk about people's racial backgrounds or make that the focal point of the film. In that world, people simply exist. The main character's parents are a mixed race couple; all you see in those interactions are two people who are married & love their daughter as well as one another. No one is making a thing of "I'm this race."
THAT is diversity, darlings. That is an example of the diversity Hollywood and mainstream society should be striving for. Where a minority of any type is present and not being a stereotype or a militant. They are just present; no big deal. NYC is like this in many corners in real life. Why aren't we seeing that in film?
You'll see that in indie film. They aren't even the only example of this "diversity" but you'll have to see the movie yourself.
It seems Spike Lee is also boycotting. The difference b/t Spike Lee & Jada Pinkett Smith is Spike Lee has been discussing race and racism for decades. He's been doing diverse projects of his own for a long time. Our company likes him; he even gave us a Twitter shoutout once. Spike Lee also strikes me a man with principles who'd not just throw a hissy fit b/c his significant other didn't get nominated for an award. He's been looking at indie film & putting his money where his mouth is. He's tried being the change he'd like to see.
Where's Jada Pinkett Smith's contribution? Whose films has she funded? Why they hell isn't she investing in MY company's projects or in some other filmmaker or indie film company that's not nationally known in order to get the projects she'd like to see? Maybe if she'd open her pocketbook instead of pitching little hissy fits, the film she financed might end up being eligible for Oscar nominations. Perhaps she could even star in some indie film project & ensure that it gets eligible for consideration for the Oscars so she could herself get nominated.
Halle Berry personally financed Introducing Dorothy Dandridge b/c she said she felt that story should be told & believed in it that much. Jada Pinkett Smith is not in the poor house from what I know. She's not living with parents or roommates in a small apartment or dealing with roaches or menial jobs like a lot of unknowns do & still manage to create despite those struggles.
Sorry, but you don't get to bitch about lack of diversity when you aren't doing anything yourself to change or solve that problem when you damn well could. If she were doing what Spike Lee has been doing over decades, I could give her credit. If she were out scouting for unknown black filmmakers or producers or companies with a major black ownership/voice, that would be different. People would take her far more seriously. I think sane people do take Spike Lee seriously on this subject since as I said, he strikes me as a man of principle.
All these other people wanting to join this boycott who aren't putting their millions into indie film projects or creating the works they want to see, same goes for you. Where's YOUR contribution to increasing diversity for anyone? Until you've made one (and not giving money to someone like Tyler Perry but an unknown who creates truly diverse material, not necessarily my company), you need to keep your mouth shut.
It's the same thing as complaining about where you are in life while doing zero to improve yourself. Not getting an education, not making friends, not networking with people who have been down the path you're trying to go, not researching where you want to live, etc. My ex-husband was just like that in complaining about his job; he never appreciated the fact that he was pretty much layoff proof & most people didn't have that job security. Nor did he bother to network with people doing the job he wanted to do or even have a clue what it was that he wanted to do (except maybe leech off me).
Plus with me, talk is cheap. Action counts with me. In fact, action counts a lot for me.
I actually thought of an episode of A Different World & a scene with Jada Pinkett Smith's character, Lena James. For those of you who never saw A Different World, it was genius at times. Their episode on a confrontation with white students from a rival sports team was brilliant & it didn't end with the black characters being 100% right. Lena was a very pro-black, somewhat militant character who was very much a "damn the man" type.
In the episode I thought of, all the students are coming back and Freddie now looks more professional vs. her hippy child look that she'd had for the bulk of the show. Lena calls her a sellout. Freddie tells her that she's adopting a professional look b/c she's in law school & trying to infiltrate the system so it can be fixed from within. That way, when Lena "finally decides to start walking some of this talk" it will be Freddie keeping Lena out of jail. Basically, Freddie called Lena out on her comment.
It felt like art was imitating real life with this whole controversy.
3. Please refrain from using slavery as a justification for reform. Use police brutality, the neglect causing the lead water in Flint, voting laws, segregation if you're old enough to have lived it, redlining, things you personally have lived and suffered discrimination from.
Address your gripe at the 1% if you want to complain about slavery since those people's ancestors were most likely slaveowners. I can assure you my family didn't since they've been poor forever. My mom said our ancestors were probably working those same fields alongside the slaves. I do know we had ancestors who dodged the draft for the Civil War so I don't think they were exactly pro-slavery or states rights or holding up the Confederacy. If there were any KKK members in my family, we never talked to them or associated with them. Plenty of people will join you if you want to stick it to the 1%; if you want to stick it to abusive cops and law enforcement & address police brutality as an issue for all poor people (my own father was falsely arrested & went though a nasty ordeal with the police shortly after my sister's first husband died that I felt was exploitation of a grieving family), you will get allies there as well. If you want to address poverty & class issues as a global issue (as in all races, not just one), again you'll get a lot of allies.
I know I don't listen to people who whine about things they never lived & find it disrespectful to do that. Slavery has also been illegal for quite sometime. You're not finding opportunity; hey, other poor people in general have the same problems. I know black people who are professionals in their fields so very much possible to advance in life if you really have motivation to do it. That's something you have to have for yourself, not expect others to give you.
So in the midst of all this, I think about the dating world. Most people don't give you attitude or call you a racist, fat shamer, xenophobe, etc. if you say "I don't date XYZ group." At least I've found this true in conversations with people individually. You're not expected to manufacture attraction for a group you're not interested in.
But in this PC obsessed world, I wonder how far we are from people saying "I don't want to date fat people" and getting crucified as fat shamers or women saying "I don't want to date a Muslim" and getting branded as bigoted or saying "I don't want to date black people" and getting called a racist.
Though I'd think some people who want to date their own race or religion would thank you for not trying to go after their dating pool. I saw Waiting to Exhale (a great film that I think all women can relate to, not just black women) & one character who is going through a divorce finds her husband is cheating and is more indignant that it's with his white secretary. She's extremely focused on his leaving her for this white woman & views his cheating with a white woman as even worse. Personally, I will never be that white woman since I like + respect my black female friends & my romantic interests lie elsewhere. While most of the white boys were calling me "ugly" and being mean to me, some of the black boys (along with black girls) in my classes showed me friendship and basic human respect.
If you're a guy, you're better off being my friend if you want to be in my life for an appreciable period of time. My relationships usually end with "you are dead to me" (though I've never actually said that to an ex; it's more figurative).
If you're not a redhead, you can date all the redhaired guys you want & will never upset me. I'm not attracted to them either since I don't want to date someone everybody thinks is my brother. Plus, I know I'd have to check and make sure that guy wasn't related to me since my family isn't all that close & we have relatives all over the place we don't talk to and have never met.
I feel like if you're a woman and you say stuff like "I won't date a XYZ guy," you'll get some guy who brands you a racist or a xenophobe despite realities about the person's cultural background or your own personal preferences. I, like hopefully the rest of the civilized world, think there's a difference between who you do business with or who you'll be friends with or who you'll be polite to on the subway vs. who you'll commingle sex organs with. One must wonder if the PC police is trying to dictate who people commingle their sex organs with (or kiss/have foreplay/coitus with, if you prefer). When you think about it that way, they're just as bad as the God botherers don't you think? They also want to control your bedroom. Don't ever allow that if you're an adult & there's consent among the participants.
And now it's time for some (hopefully) yummy leftovers.
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